I Am Not What You Choose To See

AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.

I own nothing. Nothing.

Chapter Three

"No," Ibiki bit out as Raidou glanced up, "Stop the pity for yourself. This is about Shiranui-san. I am aware that Hatake has stolen Genma's report for you. Why did you request him to do so?"

"To find what might have driven him to do this," Raidou answered truthfully, "Hound was the one who pointed out the truth. My temper tantrum might have pushed Genma over the edge, but Gen is not one to give up like this. There is more going on and now I think I know part of what broke him enough to slash his wrists open to the bone. Was there another nin on that damn mission with my Gen, Ibiki?"

"No, there wasn't and you are not to get involved in this investigation," Ibiki huffed as Raidou spluttered, "Genma needs you here and not off hunting down the rapist. That is my job and one that I will complete. Do not doubt that. I will bring the man who did this to Genma to justice."

Raidou ground his teeth, but nodded. He couldn't leave Genma alone. Not for a long, long time. He answered the rest of the questions and then was given some hospital scrubs to change into since his clothes were ruined. Raidou was then allowed to walk in numb silence back to the waiting room.

"Rai?"

"Not now, Asuma?"

"Raidou, what is wrong?" Kakashi pushed, handing the man Genma's report, "Ibiki knows about this by the way."

"I know," Raidou gritted out as he began to read over the report quickly, "God, Baby."

"Bad?" Anko asked as Raidou looked up at her and then threw the scroll against the wall, "Very bad then."

"He's lying," Raidou voiced as most blinked around him, "I know my Gen. I know when he's hiding things. That report is not the whole story and I didn't have to be told…."

"Told what?" Gai asked as Raidou trailed off, "Tell us, Raidou. What has shaken you so badly? This is more than just what Genma attempted to do. Tell us."

Raidou shook and turned away. This wasn't something Genma would want told, but…but his friends could help. Gai shifted behind the scarred jonin and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Raidou?"

"Okay. Anyone else finds this out and I will slaughter every last one of you too quickly for you to blink," Raidou hissed as the group glanced at one another in shock at his words while he spun to face them, "It's not pretty. Genma…My Gen was brutally raped within the last twenty-four hours. It took two days for him to travel home so it couldn't have been his mark. Someone dared to touch and hurt my baby and I need the bastard found."

Anko cursed viciously as a murderous wave rose from the gathered jonin.

"Laundry."

Eyes turned to glance at Kakashi in question since he had spoken.

"I'll go sniff around Genma's apartment," Kakashi insisted, tapping his nose as each shinobi's shocked expression were replaced with focused nin, "My sense of smell is nearly as good as any ninken. Nine times out of ten, the clothes that Gen was wearing when he was attacked is in his laundry hamper or the trash. I'll find the man's scent that touched Genma."

"Let me go with you," Aoba decided, "I can send one of my summons to you, Rai, so we can keep you updated. We'll find the bastard that did what he did and then he'll pay for touching one of our own."

Raidou nodded as his friends and comrades stepped up. This was all professional shinobi behavior. Emotions later, action now.

"If you recognize the scent come tell me," Raidou instructed, "I wish to be there when the man is found that did this, understood?"

Kakashi and Aoba nodded before flashing away. Raidou sat and waited. He ignored the arm around his shoulders as he watched the door where the Hokage would emerge. Asuma was a good friend. He ignored Anko gathering the scroll up and tucking the report into her coat. He ignored Gai's pacing as the man's energy overflowed at wanting to help in some fashion. He ignored Kotetsu and Izumo when they skidded around the corner demanding to know if the rumors were true that Genma had slashed his wrists. He ignored Gai as he finally cried manly tears and offered to run thousands of laps as long as his old teammate pulled through. It was Iruka who broke him.

"Oh, Rai," the chunin whispered, bending to kneel and look up into the jonin's lowered face, "Don't blame yourself. Genma would never want that. He loves you too much to want you to be in pain."

Raidou tried to hold the tears in, but he cried finally. He sobbed and held to Iruka as the chunin offered comfort. Raidou knew it was his fault. He should have been there for the man that meant the world to him.

"Oh, God," Raidou choked, pulling away from the chunin while placing his face into his hands once again, "Don't take him from me. Don't take my Gen. I can't live without him. I can't."

"Calm down," Asuma instructed, reaching to pat his friend on the back, "Keep it together, Rai. We've not heard anything yet because Genma is still kicking. Just stay calm."

"I want to know how you three chunin found out about Genma," Anko blurted as Raidou looked up and then over to the three men in question, "Well?"

"I saw Kakashi and Aoba. Both looked livid and I knew something was up. It was Aoba that told me Genma was in the hospital for cutting his wrists and asked me to please come and check on Raidou," Iruka replied, "There is more to what is going on with Gen because I can feel it by the way most of you are acting, but Kakashi and Aoba kept their counsel and left like they were on a mission. What about you and Ko, Zumo?"

"I had to peel Ko off of a medic nin who said…well the man was pretty insulting of Genma and basically said that Gen did the right thing by trying to commit suicide since a whore shouldn't be a Konoha shinobi. Kotetsu taught the medic nin to respect our friend a little better and then we ran here. There are other rumors going about too that are wilder. Like Genma was a traitor and tried to end himself before he was caught or that he tried to swallow a handful of senbon. Shinobi gossip is pretty stupid when you think hard about what you hear."

"Bastards," Kotetsu fussed, rubbing at his hand.

"Ko, you need to have that hand looked at," Izumo pointed out, reaching to see the swollen knuckles, "I think you broke some bones here."

"After we find out about Genma."

"No, now," Raidou decided, looking at the hand resting in Izumo's palm, "Gen would have my head if he knew I allowed you to sit here in pain, Ko. Zumo, take Ko to get his hand healed and I'll send someone to let you two know if there is any news on Genma."

"Hai," Kotetsu agreed and stood to follow Izumo before pausing when Raidou called his name.

"Thank you for standing up for Gen. You did more for a friend than I did for my boyfriend today. You and Izumo show true honor every day and I'm glad to have you two as comrades."

The two chunin blushed and bowed to Raidou before Izumo pulled Kotetsu away to see a doctor. Raidou focused back on the same door he'd been staring at and leapt up when Lady Tsunade stepped through the door about an hour later.

"How is he?" Raidou demanded as his Hokage sighed.

"We've patched his wrists up as best we could for the moment," Tsunade began as the others gathered to listen, "The blood transfusions were administered in time to keep his heart beating, but he's weak and has the mind set to give up. Raidou, he is in a very deep sleep that I fear he won't wake from if we can't convince him to want to live. The next few hours are critical."

"May I see him?" Raidou begged, "Please, Hokage-sama."

"Of course, but he doesn't look good so brace yourself," Tsunade ordered as the jonin nodded and the pair walked down a hall to a room with a large observation window after Iruka agreed to go tell Kotetsu and Izumo about Genma, "I've placed him on a ventilator for right now. I don't want him using energy for anything, but healing for the moment. His lungs are fine so don't worry about that."

Raidou glanced into the window and hurried to follow the lady into Genma's room. His lover was still white as a ghost with a tube down his throat forcing him to keep breathing, but the blood had been cleaned from his hair. Each of Gen's wrists were carefully wrapped in bandage and covered by what looked like armguards to hold the unconscious man's wrists as still as possible. The bruising on Genma's face had been covered by a bandage and the jonin wanted to punch himself for leaving a single mark on his boyfriend. The restraints made him see red.

"What the hell is this?" Raidou demanded, gesturing angrily to the padded straps.

"Raidou, Genma attempted to commit suicide showing his mind is in a very dark place," Tsunade explained, "Restraints are standard procedure so we can keep a second attempt of killing oneself from happening. I'm sorry. Until he is cleared by a psych-nin, Genma is on suicide watch and cannot be allowed to stay alone or be unrestrained until further notice."

"The damage from the attack?" Raidou questioned, accepting the need of the restraints for right now, "How badly was he injured down there?"

"Pretty badly," Tsunade admitted as Raidou cursed, "Soft tissue is easy to heal with medical jutsu so most damage has been cleaned and treated. He'll have no lasting physical damage from the rape. Emotional damage…we'll have to wait and see."

"Any evidence found on Gen that can confirm a suspect who did this to him?"

"That isn't your business."

"I beg to differ, Hokage-sama. Someone attacked and raped my lover. I might not be a part of the investigative team, but I still would like to know that there is physical evidence that can be used to prove who hurt my Gen."

Lady Tsunade stayed silent for a long time before finally nodding.

"I have enough physical evidence to do DNA matching," Tsunade allowed as Raidou showed his teeth in satisfaction, "The next twenty-four hours are critical, Raidou. Talk to him. Apologize. Just do whatever you can to convince Genma to keep fighting. He wants to die. Give him a reason to want to live instead."

"Hai, Hokage-sama," Raidou agreed and pulled a chair up to be closer to the still man as the lady left to do other duties while he reached to stroke Genma's hair since he couldn't hold the nin's injured hands.

Pain filled his chest as he gazed at a man that had always been full of energy beneath the cool exterior. Genma has once been living fire and now…now he looked breakable.

"Gen? Baby, I'm here now," Raidou spoke, continuing to stroke the soft hair so that his boyfriend might know that he wasn't alone, "I'm so sorry, Genma. I'm sorry for acting a fool in the mission room. I'm sorry for going off about a mission that you couldn't refuse and hurting you so badly. I will never call you such a horrible name again. You are not a whore, Gen, and I am so sorry for accusing you of being one. I could just kick myself. Please don't give up because I love you and I need to show you that so you might take me back and allow me to treat you as you always should have been treated. I'll never doubt you again, Baby. I promise."

Raidou felt the tears falling, but continued trying to coax a response out of Genma. He felt he'd talk for a good couple of hours when a tapping at the window pulled the jonin's attentions so he wiped the tears and stood quickly.

"Kakashi?" Raidou asked as he opened the window for the nin to jump inside, "I thought Aoba was going to send one of his birds."

"He is working with Ibiki to sift through Gen's apartment," Kakashi explained before growing silent as he stared at Genma, "How is he?"

"Not well," Raidou moaned, turning to glance at his lover, "I need to try and get him to wake up by speaking with him so give me your report quickly. I'm sorry to be so short with you."

"Not a problem. I understand," Kakashi assured, "Ibiki had gotten to Gen's apartment first, but I was able to find Genma's clothes that he was wearing when he was attacked. Sure enough if he hadn't placed them into the garbage. It is clear that he'd put up a fight while the rape happened and…Raidou there was a lot of blood intermingled in what I found. Genma must have changed into a spare uniform he brought along on his mission before reaching the village to hide what happened to him."

"The scent?" Raidou demanded, feeling the simmering rage bubbling again, "Do you know who the person was who attacked my Gen?"

"No one that we know," Kakashi huffed, "But I found this and hid it from Ibiki."

Raidou blinked as a bound journal was handed to him. The man quickly opened the book and thumbed through some of the pages.

"Coded," Kakashi pointed out as Raidou nodded, "I've never seen a code like this before. I think this was kind of like a diary to Gen and it looks really old, but the last entry is written in fresh ink and only smells hours old. Maybe who attacked Genma is hidden in this code and I hope that you'd be able to decipher this quicker than Ibiki's people. Do you know Genma's methods of coding?"

"Some of them," Raidou agreed, "However, Baby has come up with many codes that he keeps to himself, but I might be able to crack this one if I work at it. This could very well give us the information we need."

"I've got Asuma, Gai, and my ninken waiting for me, Rai," the Copy-nin said, hopping on the window seal, "I'm going to try and hunt down the bastard that did this, but see what you can do with that journal."

"I will. Thank you, Kakashi," Raidou agreed, watching as the Copy-nin leapt to a nearby tree as he closed the window, "Okay, Genma. Let's see about this book of yours. I think I just might be trying to read a personal journal, but I need to know who hurt you so please forgive my nosiness."

The jonin began working on the code as he kept up a one-sided conversation with the silent man in the bed. The code was odd, but very similar to one of Genma's favorite methods to camouflage messages. Raidou looked up at the sound of raised voices and then stood as someone slipped into the room.

To be continued…