TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS EXTREMELY DARK CONTENT. IF YOU SUFFER FROM DEPRESSION (OR ANY RELATED MENTAL ILLNESS) PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS CHAPTER IS VERY DARK AND VERY HEAVY. PLEASE, IF YOU EVER FEEL THE URGE TO HARM YOURSELF IN ANY WAY, DO NOT FOLLOW THROUGH. CALL A FAMILY MEMBER OR TRUSTED FRIEND. IF YOU FEEL YOU CANNOT TALK TO SOMEONE YOU KNOW, PLEASE CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE 1 (800) 273-8255. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. IT GETS BETTER.
Four years, Five Months, and Twelve Days After Cinder's Invasion
"What the fuck?"
"Yang! It's not what it looks like!"
"Get the fuck off of her, Sun!"
"Hey—hic—Yang…wanna join?"
"Get the fuck outta here, you stupid…fucking…Faunus!"
"Yang!"
"And you! What the fuck!?"
"He kissed me!"
"Yeah, I'm sure. You've always had a thing for him, haven't you!?"
"That's not true, Yang, and you know it…"
"Get out."
"What?"
"Get. Out."
"Yang…"
"Get the fuck out!"
Yang stared at the empty bottles on the bar and raised her fingers. "Nuh-uh," the bartender shook his head, "You've 'ad enough, blon'ie. I'm cuttin' you off." The young woman just grunted and reached for her keys. The bartender reached out and snatched them from her. "An' I'm no' let'in' you drive, neither."
Lilac eyes flashed crimson for a moment and she raised Ember Celica. The bartender raised an eyebrow and Yang sighed. She lowered her right arm and slammed a wad of lien on the bar before stalking away. Seventeen beers and her senses were still sharp. Yang stepped out of the bar and stared up into the cold winter sky. She tugged her leather duster tight around her and stalked off into the night as soft snow fluttered to the ground.
Finally reaching her apartment, Yang fumbled with the key, cold tears plastered on her face blurring her vision. She stumbled inside the apartment and slammed the door shut. She slid to the floor, sobbing. It'd been nearly six months since Blake left. Six months ago, she'd caught Sun drunkenly kissing Blake. Caught in a rage that she could not control, Yang had said awful things to her fiancé. Blind fury that had slipped from her control caused her to lash out and after several racial slurs and insults…she hit Blake.
Blake, blindsided, didn't even have her aura up. The blow connected, flesh on flesh, and Yang's fist connected with Blake's cheek, her wrist snapping. Blake ran away, leaving a shocked and stricken Yang. Yang called out to her, but she was gone. Yang's arm didn't hurt.
Several hours later, Ruby had stormed in, grabbing Yang by her broken wrist and hauling her to the hospital. The doctor's set and treated the bones. Yang just sat there, numbly. Later, Ruby had given her a good verbal lashing and threatened to break her other arm. The words had just washed over Yang.
Something inside Yang had snapped and she broke. The reality of what she had done shattered her.
Yang sucked in a deep breath at the memory of that night and she slowly stood on shaky legs. The one-room apartment was small, cramped, and run down, but Yang didn't care. She stumbled to the kitchenette and threw open drawers, Grabbing a long paring knife, she went to the side of her bed. She looked down at her right wrist. Ever since her fight with Mercury, she'd lost all feeling in the limb. She flexed her fingers.
Just do it, Yang. You're a waste of space and you've driven everybody away. Blake is gone with Weiss and Ruby hates you. If anybody else knew what you did, they'd hate you, too. They probably do already.
Just do it, Yang.
Do it.
Do.
It.
With a furious yell, Yang slashed viciously across her wrist. A long scarlet line appeared in her wrist. Nothing. Yang cried and sobbed and screamed as she swung the knife into her flesh over and over. She held her numb, bleeding arm in her hand and screamed as her semblance took over her body functions. The thick scarlet lines vanished before her eyes, leaving thick white scars behind.
Nothing.
Yang cried for a long time. She cried until there were no more tears. As her sobs died down, she gripped the knife in her newly healed right arm. She turned her gaze to the left arm.
Please. She swung the knife. This time, she screamed in pain as she hacked at her arm. Only a few cuts in, she dropped the knife, blood pooling by her bedside. Her arm was already healing.
Please. I want to die. Just let me die.
Yang reached for the knife once more. Deep scarlet stained her pale skin as she gripped the weapon tightly between her fingers. She reached up and drew the knife across her throat, carving a bloody grin into her flesh.
She fell forward, convulsing as her semblance kicked into overdrive, attempting to keep her alive as it stitched the wound. Yang blacked out.
Several minutes later, Yang gasped and regained consciousness. Nausea overwhelmed her and she leaned over the bedside, vomiting. The knife lay on the floor in the middle of a large pool of crimson blood and brown bile. She wiped her mouth and reached for her throat.
Her skin was completely smooth.
Yang collapsed on her bed and sobbed late into the night.
I'm sorry, Blake… I'm so sorry…
Blake lay in her bed in Weiss' guest room, staring at the ceiling. She reached up and touched her cheek where Yang had hit her. After all this time, she still felt it and she still felt like she'd deserved it. She'd invited Sun in, knowing full well he'd been drinking. She had let him flirt. She knew he and his boyfriend, Neptune, were in an open relationship. She'd even known that he still harbored feelings for her. With Yang so focused on work, she'd barely had time to see her own fiancé and Sun was making her feel good.
Before she knew it, Sun was reaching for her and kissing her. She had tried to fight it, but Sun overpowered her and she panicked. Memories of Adam came flooding forward and she stood, paralyzed, as Sun forced his tongue into her mouth.
Fate was cruel and it was then that Yang had come home to find her fiancé kissing someone else. She knew that if it had been anyone else, Yang might've been reasonable, but the monkey Faunus had been hounding Blake for the better part of three years, trying to get her to hook up with Neptune and him. Blake had always laughed it off, but Yang had only grown more and more uncomfortable by it. She didn't trust them.
Walking in had all but confirmed her fears and suspicions, and it was all Blake's fault. Blake curled up into a ball and cried. She wished that she'd had the strength to face Yang and explain what happened. After Yang's blow, she remembered all too well the beatings she'd suffered at Adam's hand, and so, like she had back then, she ran.
The door creaked open and a soft voice called out, "Blake? Can I come in?"
Blake tried to say yes, but it was lost amongst her sobs. Weiss came in, dressed in her icy blue slip, and sat on the edge of the bed. Weiss took Blake's head into her lap and stroked her hair gently. "There, there, Blake. It'll all be okay."
After her sobs died down, Blake struggled to find her voice. She whispered, "I just want her back…"
Weiss nodded in understanding. "Ruby will bring her around. She just needs time."
Blake heard her words but in her heart she knew that it may be too late already. Fresh tears fell freely.
I'm sorry, Yang... I'm so sorry...
Author's Note: I apologize about the dark chapter. I was going through a very rough time last night, when I wrote this. Normally, I try to transform my pain and channel it into something positive, something beautiful. Last night I needed to write something angry, something violent, something hopeless. I needed to put into words how I felt. Darkness is easy to portray. It's also easy to completely miss the point. Portraying someone who suffers from depression, whether it's clinical or situational, is extremely difficult. Often times, the person suffering can seem completely normal to others. Sometimes, it's very obvious. The inner machinations of a depressed person's mind are very difficult to accurately describe because there is no real rhyme or reason to why they, we, think the way we do. I almost didn't post this chapter, because I thought it would be TOO dark. But I feel like Blake and Yang, ESPECIALLY Yang, deserves to have this part of her story told.
Without the Shadows, the Sunshine is meaningless.
It does get better. So, again, if you're reading this and you suffer, please, seek help. You are beautiful and loved and it does absolutely get better.
Stay strong. And as always, thanks for reading. I'll see you in the next chapter.