I Am Not What You Choose To See
AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter Five
"Gen? Baby, I'm here now. I'm so sorry, Genma. I'm sorry for acting a fool in the mission room. I'm sorry for going off about a mission that you couldn't refuse and hurting you so badly. I will never call you such a horrible name again. You are not a whore, Gen, and I am so sorry for accusing you of being one. I could just kick myself. Please don't give up because I love you and I need to show you that so you might take me back and allow me to treat you as you always should have been treated. I'll never doubt you again, Baby. I promise."
Raidou still loved him and felt bad about what he'd said and done? Disbelief warred with anger.
"Sorry can't make up for what you did," Genma hissed, turning from the bit of light he'd been pulled towards, "I'm tired. I'm tired of jumping through hoops and having titles forced on me. I'm sick of trying so hard to only get spit in the face, Rai. You should have never doubted me to begin with. Your words are empty nothings. Go away!"
His anger festered, but Raidou's voice continued talking and Genma realized that his ex was crying. Raidou was crying for him and the sound was pulling at Genma's heart. Raidou never cried and here he was crying for…for him. Confusion filled him as he turned to glance at the light over his shoulder.
"Why? He's…Genma's always been so strong and independent. Why would he do something like this?"
Genma cringed at the voice of his otouto. Great! Father was going to be angry. Neither Father nor his sister liked Ryo interacting with him and now he'd upset his brother and set a bad example. He wished he'd chosen a better way to end things quicker.
"Your brother's been hurt bad. The pain of what he was going through grew to be too much and Genma…Gen couldn't deal with that pain and tried to find a way to escape it. I wasn't there for your brother when he needed me the most and…"
Raidou was trying to blame himself? No! All of this was his fault. His for being too weak to fend off the attackers. His for never being able to prove himself to anybody no matter how hard he tried. His for being Genma. It sucked to be Genma Shiranui and he couldn't figure out why.
"No one's usually there for Oniisan. He's always been alone. That is what I remember growing up. Father or our Oneesan always sent him away to do whatever when I was near. I wasn't allowed to play with him, but Aniki did little things in secret to let me know he was there if I ever needed him. He was always silent and still in the house. I remember seeing him out in the village and that Oniisan was a lot different from the one I knew from home. That Genma seemed happier."
"You knew?" Genma questioned after having listened to his brother's voice, "I thought you never noticed, Ryo-chan. I thought…I thought you were oblivious to what I went through. Could I have been wrong? Did you really see what was happening?"
"Damn weak brat. Always acting out. Bringing shame on our family. You should have cut deeper so I'd finally be rid of you, Boy!"
Genma cringed at his father's voice and sighed. Typical Father. The man would have been happy if he'd died and now Ryo and Raidou was hearing his greatest shame. He wasn't loved by his last, remaining parent for reasons he couldn't fathom, but the sound of a fist connecting with flesh gave him pause.
"Stand down. Leave, Shiranui-san. You are not needed here if you feel that way about one of Konoha's honorable shinobi."
"Genma's your son. How could you say that? Can't you have some feeling for your child who was hurting enough to attempt to end his life? What is wrong with you?"
The sound of the punch. Genma knew without being told. Raidou had struck his father. His ex's voice was livid and full of rage. Genma blinked. Raidou was defending him and the Hokage had referred to him as "honorable." How was this possible? His father's next words brought out the feelings of abandonment as he finally heard why it was that he'd become the outcast of the family.
"I hate him. Aiko-chan, my beautiful wife, was everything to me, but the doctor's told her no more children after that thing in the bed was born, but she wanted a big family. She brought into the world my beautiful daughter and last my handsome Ryo, but she died. She died and left me a damn brat with my Aiko's beautiful eyes. I hated to look at Genma. Hated to see what I lost when he'd move and I'd see my wife in his body language. I saw her even when I tried to starve or beat her out of him, but the boy never once complained or fought back. I knew the kid was weak and I'm not surprised by him recognizing that and finally trying to end his pathetic existence. I was glad he wanted to be a shinobi like his mother and hoped that each mission he went on would be that brat's last. Didn't want him tainting my family's name anymore."
"So…so you hate me because I look like Kaasan?" Genma stuttered, "How? How is that my fault? I can't help that I look like my kaasan."
Genma shuddered as he tried to wrap his mind around everything. He'd been abused his whole life for resembling his father's dead wife? He remember his kassan as being full of life and bright as a star. He'd been blamed for his kaasan's passing, but she'd always been tiny and had been told not to have more children. Aiko Shiranui was as stubborn as her son and did what she wanted to do. She wasn't weak.
"And neither am I," Genma spat, "I'm my kaasan's son and I feel no shame in that, Father. None! Kaasan was the most wonderful woman in the world and if I'm even a little like her then that makes me proud."
Sighing, Genma heard his brother's departure and ached to hear the upset in Ryo's gasp. He heard Raidou's horror at finding out the truth as shame filled Genma that his ex knew this part of his life, but Tsunade's words shocked him.
"Sounds like the abuse began once his mother died. If I'm remembering the information from his file correctly, Genma couldn't have been more than five when the man turned on his own son. That means that he grew up being neglected and abused so that was just normal for him. Genma didn't fight back or ask for help because he accepted everything for what it was. He wasn't cared for so he learned to survive the best he could. Shows me where his stubborn nature comes from. Genma has tried his whole life to keep going forward to overcome a lot of painful obstacles. It's a wonder he hasn't broken before this."
The Hokage saw his struggles and seemed to actually understand him a little. This couldn't be real, but then sweet Raidou's angry voice demanded that Genma's father be banned from the room. Everything was so surreal and confusing. Maybe this was all a dream?
"Gen? Baby, your father is an asshole. His words are wrong. So wrong. You are not weak and I wish I had known that your father was hurting you because my parents and I would have helped you, Genma. I will never allow him near you again. I'm going to keep you safe, Baby, just stay with me. Keep fighting for me and wake up as soon as you can."
"I'm sorry, Genma. Konoha has failed you. The Third, Fourth, and I should have seen your suffering. We should have realized that you were dealing with too much at such a young age. I wish I could turn back time and get you the help you needed before you ever tried to end your life."
This couldn't be real! That wasn't really the Hokage just now. None of this was really happening. Raidou hated him and everyone thought he was a weak whore and his family didn't care and he was dying. That was what he wanted, so come on, Death. Get this over with because he was sick of listening to lies, but then he felt a kiss to his forehead as Raidou voice rang out.
"I love you. I love you so much. You are such a brave, strong man. You never turned to hatred when your family practically abandoned you. Please open your beautiful eyes. Open your eyes, Baby. Come back to me, Gen. Please, Baby. It's time for you to know a life free of pain. I love you. I love you, Genma Shiranui. Don't leave me. I need you so much."
"This isn't real," Genma choked, "I won't believe any of this. No one loves me. No one has ever really loved me because…because you wouldn't have struck me if you loved me, Rai. You were the only one that I've ever trusted and you hurt me too. Please just let me die in peace."
"I go where you go, Baby. I will follow you anywhere. I can't live without you, Genma, so if you try to leave…I'm coming too."
Stunned, Genma gasped. Was Raidou really saying…no way!
T.T
Raidou startled as Genma's heart monitor gave an odd skip before settling back into its slow rhythm from before. He couldn't help the smile as the rising sun began to peek through the window.
"So you are hearing me," Raidou chuckled, stroking Genma's hair, "Silly, Gen. Do you really think I'd ever be able to remain here if you don't walk this earth? I can't, Baby. Let's see. I think I've gotten the gist of your journal."
Raidou kissed his lover's cheek and settled to read the last entry and stiffened as he finally began putting some pieces together.
"Nurse!" Raidou yelled as he stood and slammed Genma's door open as a young man scuttled over, "Tell the Hokage that I've decoded some information she needs to hear. Go now!"
It was both Tsunade and Ibiki that showed up a few moments later.
"You have news?" Ibiki demanded as Raidou turned to him looking stiff and angry.
"You sent Genma into a den of missing nin," Raidou hissed as Ibiki and Tsunade blinked, "The mark payed off two of those nin to help hunt my lover down. They attacked him hours from the village. Genma was overcome by the men and held down as he was brutalized. The fuckers took turns!"
"Calm down," Tsunade ordered as the jonin snarled.
"What kind of intel did you have on where you were sending Genma?" Raidou bit out, "Shinobi are never sent alone in situations where there is a possibility of being overwhelmed like this. My baby had no one to protect his back! What the fuck, Hokage-sama!"
Ibiki sighed and shook his head as Lady Tsunade stepped back at the look in Raidou's eyes.
"The intel we had was wrong," Tsunade finally groaned, rubbing at her forehead, "Genma was sent after what we thought was a small-time criminal head who was after a family that had stood up to his thugs. I had no idea that this man had missing nin as resources."
"Great to know now," Raidou groaned, looking away, "They touched him. He fought as they tore him. It was agony for Gen!"
"He never screamed."
Raidou, Ibiki, and Tsunade turned while Hound stalked through the door, dripping someone else's blood as he gazed at all three with mismatched eyes. Gai hovered close with Asuma limping up behind the Copy-nin.
"Hound?" Raidou questioned as the former Anbu glanced to him.
"Tracked down two missing nin," Hound reported, "Found them with another missing nin, boasting of riding a 'Konoha whore.' They tried to get Shiranui-san to scream, but he stayed silent. Refused to give in or show his pain which pissed them off. Killed two slowly, but they caught up to me before I could finish my hunt. Bastards."
Everyone glanced to Gai and Asuma while the two shinobi grimaced as the Copy-nin hissed in anger at the two. Hound hated to be questioned or interrupted.
"Gai pulled Hound away while I grabbed the last one alive," Asuma tiredly stated, "That one is already in one of your cells, Ibiki, but he's pretty banged up. Not sure what information we can garner. Man won't last long."
"Man's name is Sho Hizaki. Missing nin from Sand who can use wind to tie a shinobi to the ground," Hound rattled off, "One of the three who forced himself on Shiranui-san and the one who ultimately allowed the rape to occur. That means one of the rapists is dead. Man who hired Hizaki was Shiranui-san's mark—Eito Miyazaki. Miyazaki's trail leads in another direction. My pack is tracking him now. I don't appreciate having my hunt disturbed."
"You will stand down," Tsunade instructed as Hound growled low, "Hound, you've done your job. I'll send another team to bring back Eito Miyazaki."
"My hunt!"
Hound lashed out when Ibiki tried to hit a pressure point to knock him out, but it was Raidou that shoved the former Anbu against the wall.
"Not here," Raidou snapped as the mismatched eyes regarded him and then grunted when the scarred jonin forced his head around to look at the still man in the hospital bed, "Not around my Gen. You've done well, Hound, but you are not needed at the moment. Kakashi, get yourself under control."
Tension remained for several long moment until the silver-haired jonin relaxed.
"I know I'm pretty, but in front of your boyfriend, Rai," Kakashi drawled as Raidou pulled away from him in disgust while the Copy-nin covered his red eye, "Sorry. Hound gets a little out of hand when there is blood in the air. Did I hurt you or Asuma, Gai?"
"No, Rival," Gai assured, "Got a lucky hit on Asuma though. He was most not hip when his voice sounded like a twelve-year old girl."
"Shut up!" Asuma moaned as he turned red while Kakashi flushed in embarrassment at having struck a friend.
Raidou drowned out the voices as he tried to get his emotions back under control. One rapist dead, one in confinement, and one to go. He wanted so bad to be a part of the team to hunt down Miyazaki, but Gen needed him here. Raidou glanced to Genma and froze for only half a second.
"Gen? Genma?" Raidou gasped, racing to the twitching man as the heart monitor showed an irregular beat, "Lady Tsunade!"
Genma's twitching was turning into a full blown seizure or fit of some kind.
To be continued…