I Am Not What You Choose To See
AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter Seven
"Raidou," Tsunade called as the jonin turned to leave and then glanced back at her, "Genma will hopefully wake up, but he might react negatively to you being near. Are you strong enough to give him the space he needs while he heals if that is necessary?"
"Anything for Genma," Raidou agreed quickly as the Hokage nodded with pride, "I just want him to get better in both body and mind. I'll wait for him as long as he needs me to wait. I'll…I'll even leave him alone forever if that is what he wants, but I'll always be close if he needs me. Always."
Raidou bowed again and hurried to his boyfriend's room and traded places with a nurse that had been assigned to watch over the nin. Genma was pale, but the tube was no longer down his throat. There was a breathing mask strapped firmly to his lower face.
"Thank you for holding on, Baby," Raidou greeted as he pulled a chair back beside the hospital bed and reached to stroke Genma's cheek so the man could know that he wasn't alone, "I read your journal, Gen. I'm so sorry. I had no idea that you were holding so much pain inside of you. I meant what I said before, Baby, you are an amazing, strong person to get past all that you did in your life. I love you, Genma. I love your passion, your drive, and your strength."
Raidou swallowed at the pain that bubbled within him at seeing his love so still. So he started to story tell. He reminded Genma of all the fun times they had experienced and all the future plans they had spoken of one day doing. He spoke for nearly two hours before the pain welled up hot within him once again.
"I'm so sorry that I wasn't there to protect you, Gen. Hound found your attackers. One is dead and the other is being questioned in I&T," Raidou stated, wiping some wetness from his eyes, "We are going to find Miyazaki and make him pay for what he did to you."
Raidou paused when he saw Genma flinch from his stroking hand before hazy, brown eyes opened.
"Baby? Oh, God. Genma?" Raidou called as the eyes rolled to him before the man in the bed shuddered as a sob escaped him, "Don't cry, Genma. Please don't cry. Are you in pain? Do you need a doctor?"
The heart monitor began to race as Genma strained against his restraints while shaking his head.
"Away," Genma choked around his sobs, but Raidou heard him perfectly despite the breathing mask, "Go…don't want…liar."
"Shh," Raidou soothed, reaching to stroke his boyfriend's hair, "Calm down. I'll leave if that is what you want, Gen, but please…please tell me why I'm a liar. Can you tell me why, Baby?"
"No love," Genma whimpered, looking away, "Hit me. Hurt…no more. Don't want."
"I love you," Raidou whispered as his boyfriend shuddered again, "I'm so sorry for hurting you. Calm down. Nurse!"
The same nurse from before stepped in and then raced back out to get help as Genma continued his weak struggles.
"Gen, I am not lying about how I feel about you. I love you, I love you, I love you," Raidou chanted as Genma wailed, "I do, Baby."
"No," Genma denied as tears rolled down his cheeks, "Can't! Can't…dirty. No love! No one cares!"
"You are not dirty. Nothing that was done to you make you dirty, Love," Raidou tried to reassure the struggling man, "I do love you and there are many people in the waiting room who care a lot for you. Don't give up, Gen. We're going to help you get better."
Raidou hissed as Tsunade jerked him back suddenly to administer a sedative into one of Genma's IV lines.
"Hurts," Genma whispered, trembling as his eyes rolled between Tsunade and Raidou, "Didn't want. Held down. Couldn't fight. Hurts. They hurt me! They hurt…wouldn't stop. Hurts."
Then Genma arched and screamed and screamed and screamed until his voice sounded raw. Tsunade cursed as she tried to control the convulsing man.
"Raidou, go get Shizune! Now!"
Raidou ran and yelled for Lady Shizune. The kunoichi raced out of a room and ran to where Genma's screams were echoing.
"Raidou!" Kakashi snapped, grabbing the jonin's arms, "What the hell is going on?"
"Gen's awake," Raidou babbled, pulling away, "He's confused and emotionally unstable. I think he might be reliving the attack. I knew those damn restraints were going to be an issue. He feels trapped and he's finally giving voice to the agony he went through with the bastards who hurt him."
Raidou hurried back to Genma's room and was denied entrance by a nurse. The jonin watched through the large observation window as Tsunade and Shizune worked to soothe Genma.
"What the hell?" Asuma gasped as he reached Raidou and Kakashi with Gai right behind him, "I thought Genma was being attacked again."
"I think he is in his mind," Ibiki snarled as the three nin glanced to the interrogation master, "That is a flashback if I've ever seen one before. The Hokage should have rethought the restraints on Shiranui-san."
Genma's screams cut off abruptly as he trembled savagely before growing completely still. The sight sent a jolt of fear through Raidou and he flashed past the nurse and into the room.
"What happened?" Raidou snarled, "Is he still alive?"
"Genma is kicking and kicking hard," Tsunade began, showing the jonin a broken restraint, "Raidou, I had to ease Genma into a controlled coma."
"What?! Why?"
"Genma was reliving his attack and causing further damage to himself," the Hokage explained as Raidou groaned, "The attack is too fresh and his mind is too fractured to handle the emotional baggage he is dealing with. I think we've got him past the critical point of being able to wake from his attempt on his life, but he needs to physically heal more before we can try to heal his mind. I will be keeping Genma in this coma until you get back, Raidou. I have a mission for you."
Raidou growled before pausing as his Hokage smiled wickedly at him.
"I want Eito Miyazaki brought to me in pieces. Can you do that for your Genma, Raidou?"
"With pleasure," Raidou growled with a firm nod, "Genma will be okay while I am gone? There is no danger that I will lose him?"
"He is no longer in critical condition. Barring any unforeseen complications he will remain asleep until you get back," Tsunade nodded out, "Take Kakashi, Anko, and Gai with you. You are team captain and the kill is yours."
"Hai, Hokage-same," Raidou agreed, "May…may I have a second alone with Gen?"
Raidou leaned over Genma, once alone, and fretted over the man's paleness.
"I'm going to get the bastard that hurt you, Baby. One of your rapists is dead and the second will be there soon. I'm going to go get the last one now. I'm going to find your mark," Raidou whispered to his unconscious lover, "I know you're hurting so bad right now and you are finding it hard to believe that you are loved, but you are, Gen. You are loved more than anything. I'm so sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for your confusion and pain, but I'm going to make it all better, Baby. Just rest and I'll be back soon. I still and will forever love you, Genma Shiranui, and there is nothing that will ever change that."
Raidou lifted the breathing mask for a moment to kiss his still boyfriend on the lips before gently replacing the needed mask.
"I'll be back soon, Gen. Stay safe for me. You are so strong. Even hurting, you don't back down. I love you, Baby."
T.T
Genma listened to his ex in surprise. He did hurt. His wrists hurt, his body hurt, his heart hurt, and his head felt like shattered glass, but Raidou still claimed to love him. Him, the dirty, used whore. He was also frightened. He didn't want Rai around Eito Miyazaki. Miyazaki was a foul man with knowledge of the shinobi world he shouldn't have had.
"I wanted this to end," Genma whimpered, "I wanted to leave this all behind. Why can't I? Why are you holding on to me so tight, Rai? Find someone deserving of your love. I don't deserve your affections. I never did. I don't want you contaminated by a weak, unwanted man like me."
"I'll be back soon, Gen. Stay safe for me. You are so strong. Even hurting, you don't back down. I love you, Baby."
Genma choked at the words. Rai still thought he was strong? He wasn't he was broken. He was broken into thousands of little pieces and he couldn't figure out how to put himself back together.
"I'm tired. I'm so tired. I don't want to do this anymore. I can't," Genma whispered, "They hurt me. They hurt me, Rai. I don't want to remember their touch. Let me go. Please, Rai. Let me go and don't chase Miyazaki. I don't want him hurting you too."
But his words were for naught, because Raidou also never backed down. He'd hunt Miyazaki to the ends of the earth.
"Stay safe, Rai. I love you too, but things can never be the same again. I'm not the Genma I once was and I am tired of trying to live up to standards I can never reach. I'm broken. There is nothing within me deserving of your love. Not anymore. I'm giving up, Rai. Father finally wins. All of you finally win. There's nothing left for me anymore."
T.T
Kakashi followed the trail of his pack as Raidou and his team trailed the Copy-nin at a fast run. Hound was beginning to slip through again.
"Damn it," Gai swore from beside of Raidou, "I had hoped that Hound would stay back."
"Not when Kakashi is hunting one that has hurt a comrade," Raidou admitted as the man in green grimaced, "What is it you fear, Gai?"
"I fear losing Kakashi to Hound," Gai sighed, "I worry that one day Hound will be all that's left. The losses in my rival's life has left holes in his soul and it has taken literal years to pull Kakashi out of the shell he hid within. I don't want Hound taking my rival's place."
"Hound can't stand you, Gai," Anko snorted as the man glanced back at her, "Just stay how you are around Hound and he'll always withdraw to get away from you."
"That is most cool and hip advice," Gai grinned out as Raidou hid a smile before everyone pulled up short as the Copy-nin slid to a stop.
"Pakkun left signal," Hound snapped, "Miyazaki has met up with two other nin. Tracking three. Both missing nins' scents are familiar. They are highly dangerous men."
"How far?" Raidou asked as Hound sniffed around.
"Scent isn't fresh," Hound growled, "At least a day, but they do not know they are being followed. My pack is well trained."
"Lead on," Raidou ordered, "We only stop if necessary. Miyazaki is my kill, but the missing nin are fair game."
Hound looked pleased as he raced away. Gai wrinkled his nose at the former Anbu. Gai hated Hound with a passion, but cared very much for his rival.
"I don't know if Gai is just friendly with Kakashi or if there is more going on underneath the underneath," Anko spoke as Raidou and she followed the other two.
"And gossip like this is what hurt my Gen over all these years," Raidou retorted as the kunoichi blushed, "Anko, I think Gai does love Kakashi, but like a brother and not as what you are trying to hint at. Assumptions only lead to people getting hurt. I want that to stop for Gen and for any other person. Don't let that tongue of yours trip you up."
There was no more words as the hunters followed the trail of the soon to be doomed. Raidou swallowed a soldier pill. He'd been up for practically thirty hours straight, but he be damned if it wasn't his hands that ended the one that set up the gang rape of his most precious person. The team met up with Kakashi's pack.
"Pup, drink something now," Pakkun snarled as Hound paced, wanting to continue the hunt, "Raidou, do something. It was hard enough dealing with Boss the last time we hunted and he's more tightly wound than before."
"Anbu, refuel," Raidou ordered as Hound paused and stared at him, "Water and soldier pills. That is an order."
"Hai, Taichou."
"Damn, Hound," Gai muttered as the Copy-nin turned his back to drink from his thermos.
It was late in the night when they caught up with Miyazaki and what looked like two missing nin from the Land of Mist. Genma's rapist was a bear of a man with shifty eyes. Hound sprang to engage one of the missing nin as Gai cursed and followed.
"Anko, the second nin is yours. This one is mine," Raidou hissed, drawing his katana while noticing Hound driving chidori through the first missing nin, "One down, two to go. Hello, Miyazaki."
"Do I know you?" Eito demanded as Raidou watched his hands shift to a pouch.
"You know my lover," Raidou calmly stated, "You put your filthy hands on him. You touched what is mine and hired others to help you."
"Ah," Miyazaki chuckled, "The delicious little thing that refused to make a sound as I nailed him against a tree while his blood smoothed my way. So that pretty ass gets around, huh? I thought so. I should visit Konoha more often if the shinobi are as beautiful as that one."
A calmness overtook Raidou. He heard the other battle, but his eyes were only for Miyazaki as he leapt. This man hurt his already tormented boyfriend. Anger wasn't needed. Just revenge.
To be continued…