I Am Not What You Choose To See
AU story that centers around suicide and healing. Hope you enjoy. Please review and let me know.
I own nothing. Nothing.
Chapter Twelve
"We need to get back," Ibiki stated, "I'll carry Genma."
"I've got Gen. No one touches him, but me," Raidou snapped, lifting his wrapped lover carefully, "Gai, you got Kakashi?"
"I've got him," Gai agreed, standing with his rival dangling over his shoulder, "Kakashi will be unhappy to see my 'great-green rear' as he calls it if he wakes while I'm carrying him, but he'd be more pissed if I held him like a lover. I don't fancy a chidori to the face. I am happy with this youthful outcome."
Raidou glanced down to Genma's sleeping form and smiled.
"Let's go home. All of us," Kurenai whispered, making Raidou beam.
T.T
Genma knew he was dreaming. He knew it because there was no other way he couldn't be dreaming. His kaasan was walking towards him. Wait.
"Am I dead?" Genma asked himself aloud before blinking as his mother gasped.
"You are so not dead and you are not allowed to be dead," Aiko Shiranui snapped.
"Are you…no, this can't be real," Genma sighed, "You are just a dream."
"I'm real, Honey," Aiko insisted as her son blinked at her once again.
Genma wanted to believe. He did, but…but his mother had died. This couldn't be her. Could it? Did she finally come back for him? He wanted so bad for this to be real.
"Gen-chan?" Aiko called, holding her arms out as Genma finally threw himself at the one woman he had adored above anyone else his whole life, "You've grown so big, Genma."
Genma teared up as he smelled his kaasan's scent. Vanilla and leather. Softness with a tough layer. This was real. This was his mother.
"I missed you so much," Genma whispered, "Nothing was the same once you left, but Ryo-chan is so tall now. He's strong, Kaasan, and very smart. He's studying to go into law and Oneesan is a mother now and works as a nurse. You'd be so proud of them."
Aiko Shiranui hugged her child close as her own tears fell. She didn't miss that Genma had only spoken of his siblings. Her son's sense of self had been so battered over the years that he didn't even mention himself.
"I am proud of both of my boys, Gen-chan, and I know what your father did to you," Aiko admitted pulling back to look up at her son as Genma flushed in embarrassment, "I know how he hurt you and turned your sister against you, but he didn't have that power over Ryo. Your otouto has always adored you, but you had to pull back or risk worse punishment when you were younger. Goro Shiranui, I'm going to rip you a new one for touching one of my precious children! I'm going to tie a damn knot in that man's ass when his time comes, Gen-chan. I've been waiting for the bastard!"
Genma snorted at the killing intent pouring off his mother. He remembered her temper. He'd inherited that too, but it took a lot to push him over the edge. Not so much with Aiko Shiranui.
"I'm pretty mad at you too," Aiko insisted as Genma flinched, "Honey, suicide is never the answer, but I know that you tried so hard to hold up on your own for a long, long time. I failed you as a mother."
"No, you didn't!" Genma cried before being silenced as his kaasan placed a finger to his lips, "Kaasan?"
"I told you that shinobi lived hard lives and need to keep putting one foot in front of the other regardless of what happens in life," Aiko continued, "I forgot to remind you that shinobi fight for others to have good lives including themselves. I didn't mean to hint that you should disregard when someone is hurting you just because you were training to become a shinobi. Honey, what your father did to you was a crime. That was child abuse, Gen-chan. You didn't deserve to be hurt and starved because you out of my three children looked the most like me. Goro's going to pay!"
"I was trying to be strong," Genma sighed, "I just thought…I thought maybe if I was quiet enough at home or successful enough at my training, maybe…maybe Father would be happy again. When I realized that I couldn't make Father happy no matter how hard I tried, I left home and he did seem happier."
"Happy enough to steal your hard earned money," Aiko snarled, "Why do you still give him money that you know you don't owe him?"
"He's my father," Genma reminded, "I…I just…holding onto unrealistic dreams is really hard, Kaasan, but I couldn't seem to help it. I wanted him to see me one day and be proud of me for once. I wanted to sit at the table with his family and introduce them to my boyfriend. You'd love him, Kaasan. Raidou is perfect, but holding on to the hope of being loved by Father just grew more and more painful over time. The hope festered away within me and then horrible things happened and I didn't want to live anymore. I still don't know if I want to live, but I can't die because Rai will follow me and I can't allow that. I have to try and go on, but I don't know if life is even worth trying for anymore."
"Don't you ever say that again, Gen-chan!" Aiko ordered as Genma gaped as his mother shook him by his shoulders, "I gave you that life you are trying to give up. I won't allow you to come and see me so early. That is why I'm here now. I've felt your suffering for years and have been fighting to reach you. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to you, Honey."
Genma was surprised to be held in his kaasan's arm like he'd remembered he was held when he was little.
"I know what those bastards did to my boy," Aiko hissed as Genma trembled that she knew his shame, "Settle, Honey, let Mama make it better. I'm here now, Gen-chan, and when I'm not here your Raidou will be because he loves and adores you. I like that boy very much. Settle, Sweetheart. Mama's here."
Genma heard his kaasan's singing for the first time in years. This was his lullaby. The one that Aiko Shiranui had always sang for him. Warmth flooded him as Genma felt his kaasan's hands stroking his back. The raw coldness that had invaded his soul since the rapes ebbed with each sweet note sung just for him.
"Rest, Gen-chan," Aiko hummed, holding to her son tighter, "You are cleansed, Honey. Kaasan took all the shame and pain away. Just listen to your song and sleep, Genma. Mama will always, always love her sweet boy. Oh, and tell Raidou something for me, okay?"
So Genma listened and promised before relaxing as his kaasan continued to sing for him and he slept. He slept feeling loved and cherished for the first time in a long time.
T.T
Raidou blinked at the mass of shinobi that met him and his team at the gate. He could only assume that they had sensed Genma's chakra signature and had come running. Some cheers broke out while many looked relieved when Ibiki gave the all clear sign. Good. Genma still had many comrades that cared.
"How is he?" Tsunade questioned as she hurried over to gaze at the sleeping man in Raidou's arms, "Where was he?"
"I think Gen's just sleeping off exhaustion and I'd rather tell you everything in private," Raidou answered as the lady nodded, "It's Kakashi that has us worried. He's not woke back up after passing out. That is another story to be told in private."
"Let's get back to the hospital so I can examine them both," Tsunade decided, glancing at Gai holding Kakashi in apparent concern, "I'm going to go get things set up to examine them so you take your time walking. I don't want any of you using teleportation until you are better rested. Clear the way! Let Gai and Raidou by!"
Raidou nodded and he and Gai walked ahead to take the ones they carried to the hospital. Voices started up and the scarred jonin listened with half an ear.
"I'm so glad he's been found. I was very worried we'd find Genma-san's body and we'd never see that one's cocky swagger again."
"I know. I've been really worried too."
"Do you think Genma took down the Copy-nin? I bet he did. Genma must be stronger than we ever realized."
"He's alive. I see him breathing. Thank God. Shiranui-san is a good man. I hope he heals and can return to the field. He's one of us."
"Did you hear that Kotetsu guy broke his hand on a medic-nin's face because the bastard was insulting Genma-san? Kotetsu's good people. He'd not do that for a whoring nin. That was a stupid rumor."
"Why is he carrying Shiranui-san? Didn't Namiashi and that Anko woman start the whole thing about Genma's whoring to begin with?"
A fist connecting with flesh made Raidou look up to see Ebisu glaring down at an unknown nin that he could only assume had been saying the last statement.
"Shut up," Ebisu bit out, "Don't start stupid rumors. Don't you all get it? We drove Genma to give up. Raidou Namiashi made a mistake in anger due to rumors that never should have been started and it led to Genma's attempt on his life. Namiashi-san has moved mountains to save our comrade's life. I am not saying this like I am innocent. I hurt Genma too. Very badly."
Raidou watched as Genma's former teammate turned and bowed deeply to the scarred jonin.
"I'm sorry, Raidou," Ebisu offered, "I hurt Genma deeply when we were still genin. I'd figured out the truth after I heard about what happened, but Gai reminded me of my younger years and I've felt such shame since. I also participated in gossiping as we continued to age over the years. I didn't mean for any of this to hurt Genma so much. I'll apologize to Genma once he allows me to see him, but for now…please accept my heartfelt apologies."
Raidou sighed as he glanced to the bowing man and then at Genma's pale face.
"I don't have it in me to accept any apologies right now," Raidou admitted as Ebisu flinched, "But the fact that you've realized your mistakes makes me happy, Ebisu. The fact that you understand now that even the strongest shinobi can be hurt by cruel words and unfair labeling means a lot to me. I'll be able to accept your apology one day, Ebisu, but for now…for now I want to get my Genma out of the cold and back to the hospital, okay?"
Ebisu nodded and moved out of the way quickly. Maybe this whole ordeal would teach Konoha a valuable lesson about respect. It is too late to realize someone's importance after they are gone. Respect needed to happen while the person was still with you.
"Namiashi-san!"
Raidou's gaze snapped up to see Genma's little brother running over.
"Is Oniisan okay?" Ryo demanded, leaning over his brother's sleeping form, "He's pale. Did he hurt himself again? Please tell me he didn't."
"Your oniisan didn't hurt himself again and he will heal with time, Ryo-san," Raidou stated as the young man breathed a sigh of relief, "I was told you've been trying to visit your brother."
"The Hokage wouldn't let me see Genma," Ryo sighed, "She was afraid I'd be bringing up bad memories from when Father hurt him. I didn't know, Namiashi-san, I swear it. I would have told someone the very minute I found out the truth to get Oniisan help if I knew what Father was doing. Oneesan is also pretty upset. Now that she is married with her own children and is out of the house she realizes how cruel she'd been to Genma. Maybe one day we can be a real family."
"Only if that is what Genma wants," Raidou agreed as the younger man looked down, "You are Genma's dear otouto, Ryo-san. He's always bragged to me about how strong and smart you are. Give your oniisan time to recover and I'm sure he'll welcome the opportunity to finally get to know his little brother. Let me by, Shiranui-san. Your oniisan needs out of the cold."
"Hai," Ryo agreed before narrowing his eyes at Ibiki, "You."
"Me," Ibiki snorted, "Haven't forgiven me for what I said to your worthless father?"
"Haven't forgiven you for not doing what you threatened to my worthless father," Ryo growled, turning to walk away, "Don't speak if you aren't going to follow through. Hmph!"
"Oh," Ibiki hummed as a lot of shinobi watched the young man stomp away, "I like him! Should have been a shinobi. Good head on that one. Genma and Ryo must have inherited that from their mother. Her line runs true."
Raidou smirked as he hurried beside Gai to get to the hospital. Lady Tsunade had a double room set up for Genma and Kakashi to be settled in. Genma's minor wounds were healed and he was left to sleep. It was Kakashi that had Tsunade the most worried.
"He's completely shut down," Tsunade explained as Gai cursed softly, "I can't wake him back up. It's like the brat has shielded his mind from the outside world."
"It's Hound," Gai sighed, "Hound is the one shielding my rival until Kakashi can come to terms with what he exposed to Genma. That is one of the first times that I've heard him mention his father's suicide so openly."
"He did what?" Tsunade gasped, "I want to hear the whole story of Genma's retrieval from the beginning. Kakashi has never spoken of his father's suicide. This is a first for the brat."
Raidou tuned out the story as he watched his lover sleep. Genma looked peaceful. Very peaceful.
"I hope Ibiki was right and you've turned a corner," Raidou thought as he brushed a hand through Genma's thick hair, "You terrified me today, Baby. I hope you and I can heal together. It is truly time for you to have some peace in your life."
Tsunade had Genma taken to a new room in the psych ward and surprisingly allowed Raidou to have a cot in the room. The scarred jonin slipped under the blankets and slept deeply for hours until he was pounced upon.
To be continued…