Spencer : My demise

I didn't mind the harrowing feeling when I was airborne. I didn't mind the agonizing landing. I didn't mind the excruciating pain that shot through my body as the metal box, formerly known as my car, crumbled around and into me, shrinking and pinning me to its interior.

I could handle that – for the time being.

What I couldn't handle, however, was Ashley, stuck in Kyla's car as they sped away from me. I knew they would be stopped, we had roadblocks set up everywhere. I was scared though that they'd be stopped the same way Kyla just stopped me…

The day when I first saw Ashley, something happened to me. In my twenty four years of existence, I've never felt so many feelings awaken within me. I guess it was safe to say I've fallen in love – at first sight – something that I'd normally laugh at. I never believed in that kind of love. I didn't even know if I believed in love itself. But this beautiful brunette made me see life through different eyes. She made me feel life. For a brief couple of weeks, I felt alive. I felt love. I felt loved in return.

I promised myself I wouldn't think of that night until the investigation was over. It was difficult – whenever I saw her, my body reacted. Whenever I thought of her, my heart reacted. It was like she was embedded into my nervous system and bloodstream. Our date night was special. Confusing, daunting even, but definitely special. Despite the doubts Kyla had planted in my head, despite my selfishness to try and get answers, I would do everything the same all over again. Maybe not tell all the lies, but everything else.

We made love. And contrary to belief, I did not do it to get answers from Ashley. I did not do it to thank her for giving me answers. I did it because I was in love with her, and at that very moment, it was the only truth about myself I could offer her. It was the only way I could tell her how I felt, without compromising both of us.

It was intense. My fingers dug into her smooth back as she pushed me over the edge, over and over again. And right after, she was there to bring me back down to safety. She held me. I felt safe with her. I gave her all of me. I worshiped her body. She is incredibly beautiful. I kissed her, touched her, every part of her. She screamed my name – I whimpered hers. I sobbed into her neck from sheer contentment. Tears of satisfaction filled her own eyes. It was a raw experience to say the least.

A lone tear trickled down my battered cheek. Or was that blood? I wasn't sure. The memory of that sacred night was so bittersweet it hurt. Everything hurt.

I squeezed my eyes shut, savoring the image of Ashley displayed against my closed eyelids. Her chocolate brown eyes, her curly brown hair with the red-streaked fringe, her nose-crinkling smile. That smile… it was what kept me going every day while trying to find anything I could, to prove her innocence.

All I ever wanted for Ashley was freedom. She deserved as much. Freedom from her past, freedom from crimes that wasn't hers, freedom from burdens she had to carry and secrets she had to keep. Freedom to live the life she dreamed of. I hoped that Chelsea would come forward with the information I'd managed to give her throughout the car chase. I hoped they'd let Ashley go and I hoped she could graduate and fulfill her dreams. This time Kyla wouldn't be there to break her down or stop her. And I wouldn't be there to break her heart. She still had her chance at happiness.

Her chocolate brown eyes, her curly brown hair with the red-streaked fringe, her nose-crinkling smile…

"… Carlin!"

Chocolate brown eyes, curly brown hair with the red-streaked fringe, nose-crinkling smile…

"Officer Carlin! Can you hear me?"

I'm in love with you, Ashley Davies…

"I can see her! We're gonna need to cut her out!"

Chocolate brown eyes, curly brown hair with the red-streaked fringe, nose-crinkling smile…

"Non-responsive! Just hold on, Spencer, we're gonna get you out of here."

I'm sorry, Ashley Davies…