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Her pale, slender fingers gripped the takeaway coffee cup. The drink inside had long since turned cold. With a stab of irritation she stuffed the rubbish into a nearby overflowing bin, the coffee had tasted like dirt and it hadn't fulfilled its purpose of warming her up.
Despite the fact her shift had ended hours ago she couldn't bring herself to journey home. Instead she'd found herself in a local park. The trees had long since lost their leaves and their bare branches stuck out harshly, creating emaciated shadows in the unnatural orange light of the streetlamps. People hurried by, Christmas shopping in hand and coats pulled close as they braved the biting cold.
She scowled as a dog wandered over to the bench where she sat. To her irritation it sniffed around by her bag, its tail wagging.
"Shoo!" She hissed, feeling a pang of jealousy at how little it took to make the animal happy.
The dog sat and stared.
Jac looked back, an eyebrow raised. "Stupid mutt."
The dog tilted its head, an expectant look in its eyes.
"What do you what?" She asked, rolling her eyes to herself as she briefly considered how the interaction may look to any passers-by.
Unsurprisingly no answer was provided.
"Shoo!" She repeated herself, pulling her bag bad-temperedly away from the canine. "Go back to where you came from, you're not getting anything from me."
The animal's large eyes stared back.
With an irritated sigh Jac pushed herself to her feet. The near zero temperature caused her bones to ache and a shiver shook through her body. After glaring at the dog she relented, picking up a stick with numb fingers and tossing it in the direction the creature had arrived from.
"Idiot animal." She muttered to herself as she watched it chase the stick. Swiftly she put her bag on her shoulder, deciding it was probably time to find a different bench where she was less likely to be disturbed by the strays of Holby.
Head down, she trudged in-between the trees. The buzzing of phone brought her to an abrupt stop and with numb fingers she fumbled to retrieve the device from her pocket. The caller ID flashed up: Jonny Maconie. With less than a second of consideration she declined the call. She'd spent the majority of her day avoiding him after his attempt at an intervention in her office. An interfering nurse with a misplaced sense of duty was the last thing she needed.
Predictably it wasn't long before he rang again, yet again to be declined after the first ring. 'Know when to give up'. She thought bitterly, staring down at her phone screen.
"Jac…" Joseph's voice flooded into her mind. "He's only trying to help."
She gasped and wheeled around, desperately searching for the source of the voice. A magpie squawked and flapped out from a tree then silence fell. The area was devoid of any life other than herself.
"I don't want his help." She spoke defiantly, her eyes flickering around searchingly.
He spoke again, the sound sending her heart into a frantic flutter. "That doesn't mean you don't need it. Get over your goddamn pride, Jac. Accept that he cares for you."
"I don't want him to care." She whispered hollowly, leaning against the nearest tree with her eyes squeezed tightly closed. "I want you, Joe."
This time he took longer to reply, and when he spoke his voice was gravely. "Jacqueline Naylor, you are better than this." Joseph's voice insisted. "You are too good to be ruined by this. You need to move on from me."
Quietly she ran her hands over her face, her breath catching in her throat. "Joe-?"
"No, Jac. You need to let go!" His voice grew louder, shaking in the way it used to when he spoke on something he felt passionate about.
She sniffed, shaking her head to herself. When she tried to reply her voice failed, the only sound she could produce was a cracked whisper. "You can't leave me…"
Her heart sank like a stone as her phone vibrated again, causing the sense of Joseph's presence to snap away. Her eyes flew open and she glared down at her phone, her hands trembling with anger. Jonny Maconie. The name shone up at her tauntingly. With a shriek she hurled her phone at the nearest tree, her chest rising and falling heavily as she watched it bounce off then fall to the ground, the screen smashed.
"Idiot!" She shouted out loud, beyond caring if anyone saw. "Why did you have to be so stupid? Why did you have to die!?"
The deafening silence made angry tears prick in her eyes. Suddenly it was too much to bear. She tore through the wood, ignoring the sting from the scratches of branches against her skin. He knew he was close by- just out of reach. Her head span with a terrifying dizziness.
She came to a stop as she reached a busy road, panting desperately from breath. The cold air seemed to stick in her throat and choke her. Her hair fell down in messy strands and a growing accumulation of tears threatened to escape from her eyes.
"Stop this." Joseph's voice scolded her. He sounded distant, the words only just audible.
Her breath hitched in shock, her eyes scanning the area for him desperately.
"I mean it, Jac." His voice drifted further and further away. "You need to let go."
"No-" She whispered in protest, brushing past people on the bustling pavement as she searched. Her breathing quickened in distress as he didn't reply. Ignoring the shouts of protest she pushed against the general direction of footfall, looking through the crowd for him.
And there he was. His beautiful brown hair, his loving eyes. It was as if the world had been put on mute as she stared towards him. Everything slowed down, the only thing that mattered was him. For a glorious moment it was as if he'd never left, as if he'd never been absent from her life. She stared towards him with wide eyes, scared to even blink in case he would disappear into the crowd.
"Joe?" She called out, stepping forward. A half smile appeared on her face as she thought about how naturally his name flowed from her mouth. The concept of soul mates was a matter she'd always been sceptical of, but as she looked towards him it was hard to describe him as anything else. She broke into a jog, her eyes looked with his.
As his expression changed to one of anguish and she frowned. What could be wrong? They were back together. Did he not want her anymore? Had he found someone better? Doubt entered her heart and weighed her down.
"No, Jac! No!" His words reached her as a muffled shout.
Realisation hit her, a look of pure fear on her face. She turned to the side and time suddenly sped up. The last thing she saw was the horrified look of a bus driver as his vehicle ploughed into her. There was darkness. And then there was nothing.
She stood in the kitchen with their 18 month old daughter balanced on her hip, her spare hand rested on the ever growing bump of their second pregnancy. The idiotic dog lay happily between them, content in the company of both its masters. A subconscious half smile spread across her lips as she watched Joseph cook, listening to him sing while he worked.
"You sound like a strangled cat." She commented teasingly. "You'll scare the children."
He spun around, feigning offence. "So harsh, you've crushed my dreams." He moved closer to their daughter, taking hold of one of her tiny, perfectly formed hands. "You like my singing, don't you sweetheart?"
"Of course she doesn't." Jac answered for her. "She's my daughter, she has more refined taste."
Joseph smiled and leant in, his lips brushing softly against Jac's. "You're lucky I love you, Jacqueline Naylor-Byrne."
She returned the kiss then gently pulled away, staring deep into his warm eyes.
"Hm." She hummed, looking around the kitchen at their domestic bliss. "What did I do to deserve you?"
He pulled her close into hug, running his fingers through her long, silky hair. "Come here, you soppy thing. I'm never letting you go."
Jac smiled to herself, knowing that with him she was truly happy.
The next thing she was aware of was someone incessantly shaking her shoulder. She squeezed her eyelids tighter shut before forcing them open. Her vision was blurred and her head span, specks of darkness impeding what she saw. It was cold, and she was in pain; of that much she was certain.
"Jac? Jac, can you hear me? Stay with us." A vaguely familiar voice instructed.
Hesitantly she cleared her throat, testing out her voice. "Wh-what?" She groaned indignantly as a light was flashed in her eyes.
"It's okay, you're safe. Do you know where you are?"
She squinted up at the owner of the voice, struggling to put a name to the face. She made an attempt to shake her head only to discover the movement was restricted. Her face screwed up in pain and she was unable to suppress the agonised whimper which flowed from her lips.
"Keep still, Jac." The voice sounded increasingly concerned. "You're in hospital, Holby City ED." Connie Beauchamp turned her head to the side, speaking quietly. "Let's hurry these scans up."
Shakily she sighed and her eyes slid shut, feeling multiple hands on her body. A searing pain unrelentingly shot through her skull. The dull background noise of beeping machinery sent regular stabs of pain through her head.
"Can you tell us what happened?" Connie questioned, a hand on her shoulder.
"No." Jac groaned uneasily. Memories flooded back and made her stomach twist uncomfortably. "Joseph-?"
"Witnesses said you stepped out in the road." Connie replied factually, then faltered. "I'm sorry to hear about Mr Byrne."
"Where is he?" She whispered, her hands clenching into fists. "Where-?" Her eyes flickered open once more and she looked towards Connie pleadingly. "Find him for me."
A shared awkward look spread around Resus before Connie spoke, choosing her words hesitantly. "Joseph died, Jac… I'm so sorry."
Once again everything went black.
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