Her patience's wearing out, she wants him to realise - Fall - George

For the most part of the next two weeks Remus spent his time at the Burrow, the Weasley household. Occasionally he sent an owl to Tonks just to see how she was doing and meeting up with her sometimes for a cup of tea, lunch maybe, whenever she had a spare moment away from work. He was glad to have her. While he always told her he was there for her, he felt she was doing it for him. He felt as if she was the person in his life that kept him together, and he couldn't help being so thankful for it. Whenever they met up for a cup of tea, generally at her place, they would sit and talk for what seemed hours, and afterwards he couldn't even remember what they were talking about. He enjoyed these moments.

"How about another game of chess?" he asked one day.

"Oh ha ha!" said Tonks, "Are you going to flatten me like you did last time?"

Remus laughed as he leant back on her kitchen chair, "I suppose I might. I usually do."

"I'll take that as a challenge then, Remus!" she declared as she marched into her lounge room to retrieve her chess set.

As she searched her lounge room for her chess set, Tonks smiled to herself. She was certain that she had fallen for him. It certainly felt like love that was for sure. Every time he locked eyes with her, touched her arm gently, laughed at one of her jokes, smiled at her, her heart was doing little backflips inside. She found herself thinking about him all the time, gazing as the photo of them on her wall for so long. She would tell him sooner or later, she thought, but right now it was time for them to play chess.

"Righto," she said cheerfully as she walked back into the kitchen, "it's game on!"

Remus laughed as she set down the chess board and the pieces arranged themselves, "you do realise," he said, "that even though these are your pieces I'll probably still win? They recognise a good chess master when they hear one."

Tonks raised and eyebrow.

"Oh do they now?" she said, "Well why don't we just wait and see, shall we?"

Remus laughed again.

Of course, Tonks got flattened again.

"You got lucky," she said, making an excuse for her dismal chess playing.

"As I did all those other times too," Remus said, smiling, "You should practice, then I'll give you another game next time I see you."

Tonks laughed.

"Oh I will, Remus Lupin, I will."

-----

The next time the two met was while Remus was staying at the Burrow. Tonks dropped by for a visit to the Weasleys as well as to see Remus, who she knew was staying with them. Ron dug out his old chess set and lent in to Remus and Tonks, who were sitting at the kitchen table with Molly. By the time they were halfway into the same they had managed to pull a small crowd consisting of Ron, Ginny, Bill and Molly. The pretty, French girl had taken one look at the chess board and flounced away claiming she had better things to do. Again, though, Remus beat Tonks. Not quite as severely as the last time though.

"I see you've been practicing," he smiled to her after the crowd has walked off, leaving him, Tonks and Molly again.

"I like to take your advice," replied Tonks, with a wink.

"You know dear," said Molly, "I was never much of a chess person myself, but that was a rather entertaining game. You did pretty well considering you were playing Remus. He's a marvelous chess player."

"She's gotten a lot better," said Remus, "excuse me for saying so, Tonks, but she was rather dreadful in the beginning."

Tonks laughed.

"Well, it was great seeing you both again," she said, "but I better get going. I've got loads to do."

"Okay, you take care, Tonks dear, you're welcome over anytime."

"Goodbye, Nymphadora," said Remus, touching her arm.

Tonks raised and eyebrow, laughed, then winked. She walked out the back door, gave a small wave, and was gone in a small 'pop!'.

"Well, Remus," said Molly, getting up to make more tea, "she has certainly taken a shine to you."

She turned back to him and smile.

"Oh, Molly, you know we're just good friends," he replied, but not without the thought passing through his mind.

"I don't know, Remus, but the way she looked at you, she definitely likes you."

Remus smiled.

"I'm flattered you think so, Molly, but I just don't think she'd ever feel that way."

"Oh she might," Molly said, pouring him a cup of tea, "and the same goes for you too, dear," she added.

"Oh come now, I mean I couldn't… I … I…"

"I saw the way you looked at her too, Remus. You had that look, I know you did."

Remus took a sup of tea, lowered his mug, then sighed.

"Molly, even if I did, and I'm not saying that I do," he added, "I'm not right for her. We wouldn't work."

Molly smiled.

"And yet, the way you look at her, you wish you did."

Remus sat there silently, sipping his tea. Molly was right. He did feel something for Tonks. He knew he cared about her, he cared a lot, and he did find moments where he was thinking of her and her bright pink hair. He sighed again.

"Am I right?" asked Molly.

Remus merely scratched his head and looked out the window.

"It's alright, dear," she said, "she's a wonderful girl."

'That she is,' thought Remus, 'that she is.'

Molly lifted her teacup to her lips, but before she took a sip she said "Oh and don't think I don't see you gazing at that photo of you two," she smiled and took a sip of tea.
Remus opened his mouth then closed it again and smiled instead.

-----

Tonks and Remus sat in the park opposite her apartment block. It was a nice, sunny day, the leafy trees provided shade and people from the neighborhood passed by lazily. They'd been sitting there quietly for a few hours just watching the sun go down. Remus had told Tonks how Dumbledore wanted him to live with the werewolves for a few months so he could gather inside information on what was going on with them.

"Apparently most of them have taken sides with Voldemort," he informed her," Dumbledore wants me to find out as much as I can."

Tonks took this information in rather sadly. She guessed she wouldn't be seeing him for a while.

"So we won't be seeing each other for a while?" she asked, not looking at him.

"I'm afraid so," he replied.

There was silence for a few long moments, until Tonks spoke.

"Remus," she said slowly.

"Mm?" he said, turning to look at her.

"You said a while ago that I could tell you anything?"

"I did, yes," he said, nodding, "is something wrong?"

Tonks thought for a moment, then smiled.

"No," she said, "nothing's wrong. I just… needed to tell you something, I guess."

Remus's eyes searched her face. Nothing was there. She was quite skilled at hiding things like that.

"Yes?" he said.

"Well," she said slowly, winding a lock of her pink hair around a finger and looking into the distant sun, "I've been thinking about all this time we've been spending together. Everything we do…" she paused, "Remus, I think, and I am so sure of it, I think I've fallen in love."

Remus's tired eyes were wide open.

"I…" he said.

"I totally get it if, you know, you don't feel the same," she said quickly, "I mean, I am a bit… odd," she laughed awkwardly, "but, Remus, I really do… love you."

She looked off into the sunset again.

"Tonks," Remus managed to say out of complete surprise, "I can't – it's just maybe I do feeling something, but I just can't…"

"You feel the same?"

"I think… well I suppose…"

"What stopping you, Remus?"

Remus sighed.

"We can't be, Tonks. Maybe if I weren't so…" he broke off.

"Weren't so what, Remus?" asked Tonks with a questioning look. "You feel the same way don't you? Doesn't that mean anything?"

"It means enough to say no. I care too much for you that I don't want to go about hurting you."

Tonks was silent. He cared to much that he couldn't be with her no matter how he felt? It made sense in a way, sure, but he didn't even want to try?

"Why?" she asked him, "Why can't we be together? We both feel the same."

"Because of me," he said simply, turning to face her.

He noticed she wasn't crying, although her eyes were filled with sadness. He saw, with shock, that her hair had lost its vibrant colour and was now a shade of mousy brown.

"I'm so sorry, Nymphadora."

Tonks nodded sadly. She lifted herself from the park bench and was about to walk home when she felt a familiar hand on her arm. She turned to face Remus, gave a feeble smile, then crossed the road and went home.

-----

Remus sat in the park, alone and confused. He had just refused to let himself love a woman who loved him back. He sat in the evening glow of the sun with a thousand thoughts racing through his mind. He thought he was too old. He knew he was too poor. The one thing that really stopped him was himself. Being a werewolf was far too dangerous. He would never be able to live with himself if he knew of anyone he hurt. And he definitely wouldn't want to live with himself if he had ever done anything to Tonks.
He let out a long, sad sigh and placed his head in his hands and stared at the ground until it went dark.

-----

Tonks climbed the flight of stairs slowly, a heavy force weighing her down. She entered her apartment and peered out the lounge room window. He was still sitting there, head in hands. Tonks closed the curtains. She was confused and yet she understood. He was making excuses. She understood all of them clearly, but she didn't care for them. She loved him for everything he was, werewolf or not. She knew he felt the same way but he didn't want to be with her. Tonks collapsed into her green armchair, drew her knees up to her chin and fell asleep.

She woke at ten thirty at night feeling drained. Something made her heart heavy. She needed to talk to someone. A million names raced through her head. She finally decided on the kind face of Molly Weasley. Would she mind being woken up at this hour? Tonks decided just to apparate on the spot so she would be just outside the Burrow. She checked that she had her wand, put it in her pocket despite the constant reminding from Moody that she'd lose a buttock one day, and disapparated.
She landed softly on her feet outside the Burrow. A light was on in the kitchen. Tonks walked slowly up the worn away path and knocked on the door.

"Who's there? Declare yourself!" came Molly's voice. It sounded a little worried.

"Molly, it's me, Tonks…"

"Tonks?"

"Yeah, you know… the one with the hair?"

"Yes, yes, I know dear," said Molly, quickly opening the door, "we're just taking some safety precautions is all."

Molly hurried Tonks over the threshold and into the kitchen.

"Do sit down, dear," Molly said as she pulled out a chair.

Tonks sat down as Molly bustled around the kitchen making tea.

"Sorry I've come at such an indecent hour, "Tonks apologised.

"Oh Tonks, you're welcome here whenever you like," said Molly kindly a she handed Tonks a large mug of tea and sat down opposite her, "but I am rather surprised to see you though," she added, "is there something troubling you, dear? You look ill."

Tonks sighed.

"Molly, I love him."

Molly gave her a sad little smile.

"I don't suppose 'him' is Remus is it?"

Tonks nodded.

"Well, I don't lie; I knew I saw it coming. I've been seeing it since last year. You look at him with such admiration. I know it when I see it, dear," said Molly.

Tonks said nothing. She just stared deeply into her mug. She was taking in every word but was not responding.

"Tonks, have you spoken to Remus?"

Tonks looked up and sighed a little. She swirled a silver teaspoon slowly and gently making a whirlpool in her tea. She watched the whirlpool spin and gradually stop. Then she spoke.

"Remus and I have been close for over a year now," she started, "Sirius introduced us. Remus, being the polite gentleman that he is, always spoke to me using my first name. I decided that after about two weeks of him being… polite… I should tell him that I would feel a lot more comfortable being called Tonks. He took it funnily, you know how he is. He didn't know what to say so I told him that he should start with 'Tonks'. It was funny, he tried but somehow he ended up calling me Nymphadora. So I told him "Remus, if you call me that once more I'm going to have to hex you!" and he laughed. That was the first time he laughed at one of my jokes and I couldn't help but smile. A really, really big smile," Tonks paused as if she was remembering the exact sound of his laughter, "When I found out he was a werewolf, he seemed to think I would avoid him. When I didn't, he began to be a little strange around me. He thought I wouldn't want to know him because of it, I guess he had too many bad experiences. He talked to me about it once. I just listened, never interrupted. When he stopped talking, I just held both of his hands in mine to show that I would never feel any different. He just said "thankyou"." Tonks paused again, studying her fingernails, "we've been really close since then. We tell each other everything; we go out together, have drinks together. I feel happy when I'm with him. I feel safe.

He was with me when I spent all that time in St Mungo's, you know. That meant so much to me, it did. And all this time, I could feel that it was going to happen. I knew I was going to fall for him. And I have. And I have spoken to him. I told him how I feel. He said he feels the same… but…" she stopped, feeling tears welling in her eyes.

Molly patted her hand.

"Can I guess that he told you that you and him would never work out?" she asked.

Tonks nodded, mopping her eyes with the sleeve of her black cloak. Molly sighed.

"Remus is a very selfless man," she said, looking the crying Tonks in the eye, "I'm guessing Remus wants to protect you. He believes he had the potential to hurt you and he doesn't want to let that happen. I know Remus well enough to know that he would never live with himself if he hurt anyone," Molly smiled, half sad and half reassuring; "I believe he loves you, dear. He loves you so much that he doesn't want to hurt you."

"And he doesn't realise that he's hurting me by refusing himself to, well… you know…" Tonks dribbled off, she couldn't say it.

"Love you?" Molly finished, "Tonks, dear, men are funny creatures," she sighed, "and Remus if no exception. I admit I know nothing about what goes on in their minds, but

Remus seems to have a rather complex mind. The more intelligent they are, the more complex their mind. Not to mention their feelings. I must say, Remus sounds as if he is far too complex for his own good. He needs to… simplify everything. He looks for answers in everything and if he can't find answers, he'll make excuses. I think you should really have a good, long chat with him, dear. Ask him why he won't let himself be with you, tell him how you feel about this," she sighed, "Tonks, considering all of this happened this afternoon it's really affected you. It won't make you feel any better to keep going on without talking to him."

Tonks took all of this in while staring at her upside down relfection in the teaspoon. She noticed that her hair had changed; it was now mousy-brown and somehow it didn't sit as it normally did. She looked at Molly, who was smiling in a sad sort of way, and she sighed. She was about to say something when there were three knocks at the door. Molly jumped up nervously with her wand out as she approached the door.

"Who's there? Declare yourself!" she said nervously.

"It is I," came a familiar voice, "Dumbledore, bringing Harry."

Molly opened the door quickly and welcomed them both in.

"Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fright, you said not to expect you before morning!"

"We were lucky," said Dumbledore, "Slughorn proved much more persuadable than I expected. Harry's doing of course. Ah, hello Nymphadora!" he added cheerfully after spotting Tonks at the table.

Tonks looked up. She had been staring deeply into her teacup, processing her thoughts.

"Hello, Professor," she said, forcing a smile, "Wotcher, Harry."

"Hi, Tonks," replied Harry.

There was an awkward pause as Tonks sat gazing into nothing. She shook her head and stood up quickly.

"I'd better be off," she said hurridly, pulling her cloak around her shoulders, "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."

She headed for the door.

"Please don't leave on my account," said Dumbledore courteously, "I cannot stay, I have urgent matters to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."

Tonks really didn't want to stay, she hadn't enjoyed the interruption.

"No, no, I need to get going," she said, looking past Dumbledore's eyes, "Night - "

"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend, Remus and Mad Eye are coming - "

"No, really, Molly..." she gave her a knowing look, "thanks anyway... goodnight, everyone."

Molly looked at Tonks sadly as she hurried out the door and into the yard. She stopped, turned on the spot, and disapparated.

-----

Remus had apparated home after he saw the first star. He was stuck with a thousand thoughts floating around in his mind. He though of these as he walked down his quiet street. Had he done the right thing?

"Well of course," responded his mind, "She won't get hurt this way."

"It's for her own good."

"She'd be better off with you."

"She doesn't need me. I have nothing for her."

"She needs you. Have you seen her? She needs someone to love her. You can love her."

"Maybe I can, but so can other men. I'm nothing special."

"You must be special, she seems to think so. And she wants you."

Remus came to a halt out the front of a small terrace.

Home.

He let himself inside. He looked over at the fire place, staring at the charcoal left behind from the previous fire. He took out his wand and lit a fire. He stared at the orange flames for a moment, thought to himself, then whipped out his wand again and gave it a little flick. The flames turned bright pink.
Remus smiled a little as he sat down on his favourite armchair.
"What I would give to be sitting here with her knowing she was in no danger from me," he said quiety to himself as he gazed deeply into the pink flames.
-----

Remus woke late the next morning, curled up in his armchair. Only pink embers remained in the fireplace. He instantly thought of Tonks when he saw the embers and a heavy feeling began to sweall in his heart. He remembered the day before as he got up to make himself breakfast. He shook his head over a frypan of eggs and bacon. As he plated up his breakfast and sat down he found himself no longer wanting to eat it. He just looked down at the food on his plate, pushed it away and put his head in his hands as he had done the night before. He sat like this for a while, full of mixed emotions. Remus picked up his knife and stabbed in angrily into the table as he got up. He began pacing around his house and the next thing he knew he was upstairs in his bedroom with a decorative wooden photo frame in his grasp. Remus gazed down at the photo of him and Tonks and he found a small tear slide down his cheek.

Later that day, Remus was at the Burrow enjoying a peaceful dinner with the Weasley's, Harry, Hermione and Mad-Eye. He found himself listening to the others conversations and hardly saying two words himself. Harry was telling Ron, Hermione and Ginny about what he got up to at the Dursley's for the few weeks he was there, Arthur, Bill and Mad-Eye were talking Ministry talk, and Fleur was attempting to describe to Molly how she wanted her wedding dress. Remus was happy just to sit and listen. He didn't feel like socialising much, but he spoke when someone asking him something. His expression showed a good mood, yet he often drifted off into his own thoughts. He must've drifted off for a while because once he'd snapped back into reality he realised the plates were being cleared.

He heard Molly say something.

"Pardon, sorry," appologised Remus.

"Your plate, dear," repeated Molly, "have you finished?"

"Oh, yes, it was lovely, Molly, thankyou," said Remus passing her his plate.

He helped Molly and Arthur with the washing up while Mad-Eye was still talking in a low voice with Bill at the table. Everyone else had gone off to their rooms.

"Well, I better get some sleep," yawned Arthur after the last plate had been dried. "It was great seeing you two again," he added to Remus and Mad-Eye, "Take care," he shook their hands, gave Molly a peck on the cheek and went upstairs.

Mad-Eye stood up too.

"I best be off aswell," he said, "thanks for dinner, Molly. Good to talk, Bill," he turned to Remus, "you take care of yourself, okay, Remus?"

Remus nodded and gave him a faint smile.

Mad-Eye gave a growling laugh as he patted him a little too roughly on the back.

"Well, night everyone."

Mad-Eye walked out the back door and a few seconds late a small 'pop' was heard telling them he had Disapparated.

"Well," said Molly, "I say we move into the lounge room, I'd rather like to finish some knitting."

Molly, Bill and Remus moved into the lounge room. Remus sat himself in an armchair closest to the unlit fireplace.

"So how've you been, Remus?" asked Molly as she picked up what looked like a half finished sweater.

"I've been doing okay..." replied Remus slowly, gazing into the fireless fireplace.

"You hardly said two words over dinner," said Bill, "not your usual conversational self."

"Mm," said Remus, "I've had a few things on my mind..."

"It hasn't got anything to do with Tonks by any chance?" asked Molly innocently.

Remus's eyes widened and he took in a sharp breath. He continued to look into the fireplace, his back to Molly and Bill, but he could feel two sets of eyes on him.

Bill glanced over at his mother.

"Is that why...?" he began, but Molly cut through.

"She was here last night, Remus," she said, "she didn't look too well."

Remus sighed to acknowledge that he'd heard, yet he said nothing.

"She's rather upset you kn-"

"I know," said Remus abruptly, still looking into the fireplace. "I know. It's my fault."

"Do you, er..." Bill hesitated, "want to talk about it?"

Remus paused for a moment then turned to face Bill and Molly. They both had questioning anxious looks upon them. Remus was silent as he glanced at Bill, to Molly, then back to Bill. He tried to choose his words carefully.

"She's... fallen in love," he said, then made a funny face. "With me," he added.

"Well that's lovely," said Bill genuinely, "she's a brilliant girl, Tonks is."

"Mm, she is," agreed Remus, "but there's a problem."

"Oh?" said Molly looking up from her knitting, "I can't find any problems about either of you."

"Molly, I'm the problem. I'm a werewolf. Do you know how dangerous that is? She could get hurt. And besides that, I'm sure she'd rather someone young."

Bill rolled his eyes.

"Remus, mate, thirty six is hardly old. And if she was afraid of werewolves she wouldn't be talking to you would she?"

"I think you're missing the point. I'm the problem. I'm far too dangerous and I can barely support myself. Tonks obviously mustn't know of this otherwise."

"She knows you're a werewolf," said Molly gently, "she doesn't care about that either. Remus, she loves you because of who you are."

"And I don't think you making up lame excuses will change her mind," added Bill.

"They are perfectly legitimate reasons as to why I can't be with Tonks," said Remus steadily.

"So what you're saying," said Bill, "is that Tonks loves you, you love tonks, and yet you refuse to be with her because of something that happens once a month?"

"Precisely," said Remus," but becoming a werewolfe once a month is a very dangerous - "

"I think you're afraid."

"Of course I'm afraid! I don't want to hurt her!" said Remus loudly as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"And you aren't aware that you might be hurting her already?" asked Molly with a sad smile.

Remus stopped. He hadn't thought of it that way. Had turning Tonks down really hurt her more than anything he could physically do? He hated to think of it. He looked at Bill and Molly, then at his hands which were folded neatly in his lap.

"I..." he said.

"Should talk to her," finished Molly, Bill nodding in agreement.

Remus sighed.

"Maybe later next week. It's full moon on tuesday. I might drop by her place thursday night," he said, the noticing the hopeful looks on their faces he added, "I might."

Molly's hopeful look faded a little.

"Remus, you have to promise me you'll talk to her soon. She's not the best, you know. She looks quite ill..."

Remus sighed again.

"I'll talk to her okay? But I have doubts that it will do any good."

"But atleast then you will know you've talked," said Bill.

Remus knew Bill was right. Talking may not solve anything but atleast there would be some effort put into trying to fix it.

CHAPTER FINISHED! And about time too. Sorry heaps for not updating it quickly. Chapter three coming soon-ish (but don't trust me, okay?).

Love the reviews, thanks heaps you wonderful people!