Making my own way home, ain't gonna be alone - Going to a Town - Rufus Wainwright

An owl was tapping at the window. Remus got up from his kitchen table to open the window and let the owl in. It had a letter attached to its leg. He took it off. A familiar, loopy handwriting adorned the letter. Remus read it.

Dear Remus,

I am hoping that we could meet for a talk about the job which I have assigned you. If it would be convenient to you, would you please meet me in my office at Hogwarts next Wednesday at 2 pm.

I am looking forward to seeing you.

Kind regards,

Albus Dumbledore

Remus finished reading the letter and wrote a reply on a spare piece of parchment and sent it off with the owl. He was dreading this job. He didn't want to do it but he felt he could not refuse Dumbledore when he owed him so much.

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A little note fluttered over to Tonks's desk and landed swiftly on top of a pile of paper work she had been doing. It looked as if it had been delivered by owl at first but then bewitched to soom its way around the Ministry to her desk at the Auror office. It was addressed to her in long, thin, loopy handwriting. Tonks opened the letter curiously.

Dear Nymphadora,

I request a meeting with you next Wednesday at 1:30pm in my office at Hogwarts. I understand you may have other dutied to attend to and if this is the case you may suggest a more convenient time.

Hoping to see you soon.

King regards,

Albus Dumbledore

Tonks finished reading the letter, rather perplexed. Why would Dumbledore was to see her? She considered Wednesday might be a bit of a bother and hard to get out of work but she would give any excuse to leave the office early these days. As soon as she got home that afternoon she replied to Dumbledore's letter saying she would be meeting him at the said time.

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"Ah, Nymphadora, it's lovely to see you," Dumbledore looked up from a piece of parchment and smiled. "Please, take a seat," he gestured towards the chair opposite his on the other side of his desk. He folded the piece of parchment and tucked it into a drawer under his desk. "You are unaware as to why I requested this meeting, am I correct?"

Tonk nodded.

"Well," continued Dumbledore, "I would like you to be one of a group of selected Aurors who will be stationed at Hogsmeade to give the school some extra protection. We do have anti-intruder jinxes, as you are fully aware of, but since the return of Lord Voldemort I think extra security would be a wise thing to have."

Tonks nodded again.

"So, would you like to take up this position, Nymphadora?"

Tonks thought about it for a moment. It's upside would be that she wouldn't have to go into the office every day; the downside was that it could get boring. But then again, the office was always boring. She looked up into Dumbledore's kind face.

"Thankyou, Professor," she said, "I would be glad to help out."

"Thankyou kindly, Nymphadora. Would you be able to start on August thirty first?"

Tonks nodded.

"Well, that's that taken care of," said Dumbledore happily. "I'll let the others know. Now," he added, "you're looking unusually glum, Nymphadora. I must say I am a little worried you aren't your usual self. Might I ask if something is troubling you?"

"Oh, no, Professor. It's nothing, really. I'm just a little," Tonks paused, frowning a little, "down," she finished.

"I'm sorry to hear this, Nymphadora. I daresay nothing I say can cheer you up. Would you prefer not to talk about it?"

"Oh, Professor, it's not that I don't want to talk about it, it's just that I'm finding it hard what to say that's the problem. I mean, it's kinda of compli - "

She was cut off by someone opening the door of the office as if they did it every day.

"Dumbledore, we need a word," said a familiar voice. Tonks turned around in her seat, surprised to see Severus Snape standing there. "Oh," he added after spotting a gloomy looking Tonks.

"As you have noticed, Severus, I am already in the company of Nymphadora here. She has just taken up the position in Hogsmeade," Dumbledore smiled, "I'm so sorry, Severus, but I cannot talk with you just year. I'm expecting a few more visitors. If you can come back later this afternoon prehaps?"

Snape nodded. "Right," he said.

There was a small silence, Dumbledore humming a little. He checked his watch.

"My, it's five to two. I do hate to be rude but I must ask you both to leave. I'm expecting another visitor in five minutes. Well, goodbye," Dumbledore nodded Tonks and Snape out of his office.

Tonks and Snape walked silently together. She hated being around him, he made her feel uncomfortable.

"I always though pink suited you better," said Snape in a snide voice. "Why brown?"

Tonks just shot him a bitter glance.

"Must you look so rudely at me, Nymphadora?" he said in a patronising voice. "You don't look... well," he noted, "Now why would that be?"

"Like I'd go around tell you things like that," snapped Tonks.

"Is it Black?" asked Snape, his mouth twisting.

Tonks stopped walking and looked at him furiously. She was just about to snap something back when a figure appeared almost out of nowhere down the end of the corridor. There was no mistaking the brown hair flecked with grey and the prematurely lined face.

"Snape?" he said, walking up to them. "Tonks?"

Tonks's eyes went wide and she could feel her face getting hot. Snape looked at Remus and his eyes narrowed.

"Lupin," said Snape. "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to see Dumbledore," Remus replied calmly. Looking at Tonks, he said, "How are you, Tonks?"

He knew, of course, the answer should probably be along the lines of "worse than last time". He could see it too. She was even more thinner, her hair had gotten mousy-er, her eyes a strange colour they had never been before, and he noticed that her nose was slightly less pointed than usual.

"Fine," said Tonks in a low voice, avoiding his eyes.

Remus noticed the tinge of pink in her pale cheeks. He smiled at her; she did not return the smile, instead she avoided his eyes and continued with keeping a glum look on her face.

"Okay," replied Remus, unsure of what to say next. "Well... er... right then..."

Snape was standing next to Tonks, noting the discomfort between Remus and Tonks. He glanced from Tonks's pink cheeks to Remus's nervous face. His mouth curled into a sly smile.

There was an awkward moment before Remus said, "Well, I better go. Dumbledore will be wanting to see me." He nodded briefly to both of them. "I'll be seeing you then, Tonks, Severus." And with that he walked hastily past them and up to Dumbledore's office.

Once Remus had gone out of earshot Snape spoke.

"Poor Lupin doesn't look too well does he?" he said with a shrewed smile. "He looks just as run down and tired as you, Nymphadora."

Tonks was fed up. "Snape, why do you care?" she asked. "It's not as if you'd care how Remus is. You don't even like him."

Snape's smile grew more twisted. "You may be correct in saying that, but..."

Tonks had tuned out, realising the smile on Snape's face meant something. It meant that he had seen the awkward tension between her and Remus. Her jaw dropped without her realising that it had.

"... so, Nymphadora, I would say you'd better not go getting yourself into any trouble, now."

Tonks blinked. "Oh... right. Well I'm going back to Hogsmeade. Don't you have some place to be?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. Good day to you," Snape gave her a quick nod and smiled one of his creepy all-knowing smiles as he turned abruptly down a smalled corridor.

Tonks stood there alone in the long corridor. She had never realised how big it really was until now, when she was all alone. She began to walk towards the exit, her footsteps echoing loudly, and into Hogsmeade. There were some ghosts that drifted by (the Fat Friar calling out as he passed), but other than that she did not run into anyone else, much to her pleasure.

Tonks walked High Street feeling miserable. She would be spending a year here. Tonks kicked a pebble along the road as she passed all the familiar shops, eventually her feet taking her to Honeydukes. She'd had no plan to go to Honeydukes - she didn't need to - but she found herself inside the store, the sugary scent wafting into her nose. Next thing she knew she was leaving the store with a bag of white, dark and marbled chocolate clutched in her hands, not even knowing why she bought them.

It was only half-past two and Tonks had no desire to go back to work for the afternoon (she had specifically asked for the weekend off), and nor did home have any particular desire about it. She walked past the Three Broomsticks seeing happy faces light up the windows and she really didn't want to be there either, even though she felt like having a drink. She turned up a small side street next to the post office and kept walking until she found the Hog's Head at the end of it. Tonks pushed open the creaky door and found it almost deserted except for the grumpy looking barman and a couple of wizards talking in hushed voices in the corner. The barman looked up as Tonks approached the counter.

"What do you want?" the barman grumbled.

'Wow, lovely hospitality,' thought Tonks sarcastically. "A firewhisky would be great," she said instead.

The barman raised an eyebrow and slammed a large glass of firewhisky onto the counter. "Four sickles."

Tonks handed over the silver and took her drink to a candle lit table by the window. There she say, miserable and alone, drinking.

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"S-Sunday?"

"Yes, Remus, sunday. I'm sorry I've had to spring this on you on such a short notice but this plan needs to go ahead and it has to be Sunday. You know why, of course," said Dumbledore simply.

Full mood the week after, thought Remus.

Dumbledore continued. "I do understand it won't be the easiest thing for you to do, but it's necessary. You can send reports ever now and then..."

Remus tuned out, as he seemed to be doing alot these days. He knew the usual words: absolutely necessary, inside information, man for the job. That's what it would always be.

"... so I hope you can start Sunday," finished Dumbledore.

Remus blinked. "Oh, yes, Sunday I suppose," he had nothing better to do anyway... well except one thing.

Dumbledore smiled. "You are a good man, Remus. And now I must ask you something else," Remus looked rather annoyed by this and had opened his mouth to say something back but Dumbledore had already continued. "Is something troubling you otherwise?"

Remus sighed and rubbed his forehead. "To be honest, Professor, I don't really know. I'm not feeling the best."

"That is most unfortunate, Remus. You seem to feeling just as our dear Nymphadora is," Dumbledore's blue eyes twinkled. "I do hope you are feeling better soon."

"Thankyou, Professor," said Remus.

Remus had moved to the door and was just about the leave when Dumbledore spoke once more.

"Do keep in mind, Remus, that maybe talking to someone could help," he looked over his half moon glasses. "Other people can be a bit of a surprising help sometimes."

Dumbledore smiled and gave a friendly wave as Remus slid from the room with his words still fresh in his mind.

Remus walked slowly, hands in his pockets, down the long, empty, echoing corridors. He felt lonely. He had about four days left to talk to Tonks, and he knew he had to. There was too much left unsaid and unexplained. He sighed as he left the Castle and made his way into Hogsmeade. His talk with Dumbledore had been long (and he hadn't listened for most of it). It was now four in the afternoon and the people out in Hogsmeade were all busy trying to make their way home. Remus watched the people as the walked about with purpose, he just walked along aimlessly. Passing the Three Broomsticks, he saw it was still crowded with happy people all drinking merrily. That kind of jolly company was not the most inviting to him.

The sun was setting slowly as he continued to walk aimlessly. It was about an hour later that he finally decided to go for a drink. Remus turned up a small side street and came to the Hog's Head. He pushed open the door, a little surprised to see it occupied by more than a few people. Of course, though, everyone that went to the Hog's Head always spoke in low voices, so it was always quiet anyway.

"Remus, what do you want?" grunted the barman as Remus approached the counter.

"Just a firewhisky, thankyou, Aberforth," replied Remus politely. He paid for his firewhisky and looked around for a place to sit. He scanned the room, eventually finding a familiar young witch sitting by herself next to the window. Remus smiled to himself and went to sit opposite. As he drew closer her saw two empty tankards and a half empty one surrounding her.

"Evening, Nymphadora," said Remus, "mind if I sit with you?"

Tonks made a gesutre that was hard to uunderstand. Remus took this as a yes and sat down. He drank deeply from his tankard.

"So... ah... how are you?" he asked carefully.

Tonks looked up. Remus could have sworn he was looking into a mirror. Her hair was lank and mousy and short, her eyes a dark brown and a little red, she looked tired and rundown, the candlelight helping to highlight her most tired features.

"Okay..." said Remus slowly, regretting that he'd even asked.

"I feel," said Tonks in a hoarse voice, "crap."

Remus swallowed and she half glared, half gazed at him with her tired eyes.

"And it's because of you. You just can't do that! I mean, you show up at my place at some ungodly hour telling me we need to talk, telling me you love me but we can't be together, and then you go and kiss me! Who the Hell does that?" Tonks stopped, breathing heavily, looking into Remus's eyes as if she could get an answer just by looking at him. She looked away abrubtly and drained the remainder of her tankard in one go (which was quite a feat considering it was half full).

Remus stared at her. She definitely wasn't well.

"I - " he began.

"You're sorry? Gee, how many times did I hear that the other morning?"

"Well I am sorry," Remus said quite loudly. "I don't know what else to say. I mean, I don't think I can say anything that you'd want to hear."

Tonks looked stung. "You already have," she said in a hurt voice.

"I did?" Remus's tone had changed instantly.

Tonks nodded. "You said "I love you". I wanted so much to hear you say that to me, and then you did," she smiled for a split second, "then you went and said the two words I didn't want to hear: "it's just"."

Remus sighed.

Tonks reached for her empty tankard, then, realising it was empty, she looked over at the barman and gave an 'another glass' gesture. He nodded, poured another glass of firewhisky for her and brought it over to the table. She pulled out four sickles for him. He walked away and Tonks took a long drink from her tankard.

Remus watched her sadly, seeing none of the Tonks he knew. This one was unhappy, dull and no fun at all. He would have given anything to be sitting with the real Tonks, she joking and changing hair colours for him, smiling and laughing. But Tonks wasn't like that anymore.

"You know," she said suddenly, setting the tankard down on the table. "It is so stupid. We both love each other, and yet you're the one who's making it hard for the both of us. You make excuses. That's all you do. I wish you'd just stop. You either love me or you don't. And if you loved me, it wouldn't be so hard for us for us."

"I do love you," Remus said simply.

"Then why is it like this?" she looked deeply into his eyes.

Remus looked back into her eyes, reflecting the deep brown gaze.

"I don't know," he shook his head, then drained the rest of his tankard.

"Well, please work it out because it just hurts," said Tonks.

There was silence between them. A long, long silence. Both drank slowly, the candle buring brightly as it melted. Eventually Tonks set down her empty glass next to the other three and rested her head in her arms on the table. Her eyes shut and fell asleep. Remus chuckled a little.

"Well, I'd better get you home Miss Tonks," said Remus glancing at his watch. He'd been sitting with her for almost three hours. Remus nudged Tonks gently. She didn't stir. He chuckled to himself as he got up from his seat trying to work out a way to get the girl home. He couldn't let her stay the night here, it wasn't the nicest place, and he couldn't afford the Knight Bus. He knew how to do side along Apparition. It would be the only way of getting her home. Remus thought for a moment, standing over her, then he gently slid one arm under her knees and one across her back and picked her up, cradling her in his arms. Then he noticed nothing on the floor: a brown paper Honeyduke's bag. He bent his knees and pick up the bag with great difficulty and slowly rose again. He left the Hog's Head into the dark street and apparated to Tonks's apartment door.

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"Bloody Hell," cursed Remus under his breath.

He'd arrived out the front of Tonks's door only to realise he had no way of getting in. He didn't feel right searching her pockets for keys so he figured she would have to spend the night at his place. He rolled his eyes and disapparated out to the front of his own home.

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He walked up the stairs of his own house, carrying Tonks and he paper bag. He entered his bedroom and layed her softly down onto his bed. She was snoring softly as Remus pulled off her boots and set them by the bed for her. He pulled the sheets over her and watched for a moment. For someone so troubled she was sleeping so peacefully. Remus smiled at the sleeping Tonks. He bent down and kissed her gently on the forehead. She didn't stir. He left his own bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Remus happily slept on the lounge that night.