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And now I push you away, I know I'm hurting you. Irrationality over-rides my sensibilities - Logic - Katie Noonan

The early morning sunlight was creeping in through the gaps in the blind. Birds twittered happily for the day to begin.

Tonks woke with the biggest headache she had had in a long time. It took a little while to process her surroundings. An old wardrobe stood in the corner, a battered chair with patch robes draped over it in the other corner. She was lying on a big, old, iron bed with white linen. She rolled over and saw a bedside table next to her. There was a half eaten chocolate bar, a book, a glass of water, a candle and a photo frame on it. Tonks knew that photo. It was the one of her and Remus playing chess. She wondered who on earth else could possibly own this photograph. It took a moment for it to click, and when it did her eyes widened as she sat up slowly. Well, there was no one next to her, which she was half thankful for and half disappointed about.

Tonks climbed out of the big bed, feeling the cold floorboards under her feet. She was still in her clothes from the day before and at the moment it was just a little too hot to be wearing robes. Quite thankful that she was wearing a decent purple dress underneath, she took off her robes and put them on the bed. She blinked a few times and noticed her boots and a brown paper bag sitting next to the bed. Tonks smiled at them and walked to the door. She entered a short hallway that ended with a descending staircase. She gripped the bannister tightly, feeling that if she didn't she would probably topple head first down the rickety staircase. As she creeped down the stairs she entered another hallway, this one longer than the one upstairs. The front door was down one end and a kitchen down the other, various doors inbetween, and an archway which looked as if it would lead to a lounge room. Tonks walked down the hall and into the archway, which did so happen to be a lounge room.

It was a very cosy room with a central fireplace, a couple of grand but tattered looking armchairs, a matching lounge, a coffee table and a funny clock sitting on the mantlepiece. The room was flooded with honey coloured light filtering through the off-white curtains hanging infront of the big window which faced the street outside.

A man was lying asleep on the lounge, wearing the pyjamas he had done the morning she last saw him. He was curled up comfortably, snoring a little.

Tonks had expected Remus to be here.

She sat down on one of the armchairs. The floor creaked as she sat and Remus woke abruptly, looking about the room nervously. His eyes came to rest on Tonks like a butterfly on a flower and Remus smiled.

"I see you're awake then," he said, sitting up. "Have a good sleep?"

Tonks rolled her eyes. "I wake up with the hangover of the century, finding myself lying in your bed. I'm just a little confused, Remus. Just a tid bit. Not to mention my head hurts like hell," she added, rubbing her temples.

"I do appologise, Tonks. I did try to get you back to your appartment but I had no keys, and searching pockets isn't something I do. You'd falled asleep at the Hog's Head after four reasonably large firewhiskies, and I had to carry you home," explained Remus. "I brought you back to my house because I didn't know where else to go."

"And I woke up in your bed because..."

"Well, you were pretty much out of it and I thought a comfortable bed was the best thing for you. It's the comfiest bed in the house."

"So you slept on the lounge?"

"It's the second most comfortable bed in the house. That and, permit me to say, I don't think you'd appreciate waking up with me next to you," as Remus said this his cheeks grew a pinkish tinge.

"Ah..." said Tonks, rubbing a hand down her face. "... so nothing...?

Remus laughed and smiled softly. "Nothing happened, Tonks."

Tonks nodded, again half thankful and half disappointed. He was watching her carefully. His face looked to handsome and caring as is glowed in the morning sun.

"So, uh, why exactly did I fall asleep at the Hog's Head?" Tonks asked distractedly.

"Well, I would say that you had just a little to much to drink. Four firewhiskies isn't good for a woman like you."

"That explains the headache then..." she said, rubbing her head. "I'm starving," she announced.

"Well, let me make you breakfast and a good hot, strong coffee - "

"Oh, no no," Tonks said, yawning slightly and waving her hand impatiently. "I've got chocolate. It's upstairs. I'll go get it."

And without another word she got up and left the room and came back two minutes later with her brown paper bag of chocolate.

"Oh, that's what it was," said Remus, mildly amused.

"Yeah, I had some weird impulse to buy chocolate yesterday."

"I find restores happiness," said Remus, looking out the window for a moment.

"Oh?" said Tonks, a quirky smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Mm," said Remus. He blinked and looked back at her. "What flavour?"

"Three," said Tonks, now pulling the blocks of chocolate from the bag. "Dark, white and marbled."

"Dark," said Remus before her could stop himself.

Tonks rasied her eyebrows. "White," she said stubbornly, about to put the other two back in the bag.

"Okay, okay," said Remus, trying to reason with her. "How about marbled then?"

Tonks kept a stubborn face but agreed, placing the white and dark chocolate back in the bag. She unwrapped the chocolate and broke it up, taking a large piece for herself. She bit into it and Remus saw her features change into a happier kind of Tonks. Sure, she still had mousy hair and a tired face, but she looked alive and suddenly happier.

"Oh, that it so good," muttered Tonks, savouring the chocolate. "Here, have some."

Remus took a piece. It was the first time he'd had chocolate for breakfast. He loved it. It always made him happier and good spirited. He was alot more intelligent after he ate chocolate, he felt himself realising what she should do. He had little under three days to do it. Remus thought over his words carefully as she relished the piece of chocolate. It took some time, but he honestly felt he had come up with the right thing to say.

"I'm going to live with the werewolves on Sunday," he started.

"So soon," was all Tonks said.

"Dumbledore thinks it necessary work. Best for me to start now."

"If he says so then."

'Well,' thought Remus, 'that didn't go how it was meant to.'

Maybe a different approach. Or a highly overused one.

"We need to talk," Remus said.

"Yeah, I can remember what happened the last time you said that," Tonks replied bitterly.

"Well, okay, that wasn't my intention this time. Or last time," he added. "I mean that we need to talk properly. No beans, and lets be safe and put the chocolate away."

Tonks rolled her eyes, wrapped up the chocolate and stuffed it in the bag.

"Thankyou," said Remus politely. "And now, maybe I should explain everything."

"That'll be great if you don't mind," Tonks muttered.

Remus looked at her sadly. "First, I came around to your place the other morning to talk. I appologise for a number of things that happened then: the indecency of the time I chose to show up, for being a hypocrite, and for kissing you."

"You needn't be sorry about the last," she muttered even quieter.

"Yes, Tonks, I do. It was a stupid thing for me to do. First I tell you I love you, then I tell you I can't be with you, then, being the hypocrite that I am, I kiss you. I feel so bad about doing so. It left me confused and I have no doubt that it left you confused aswell, not to mention extremely hurt." Remus paused as if was waiting for her to reply. She didn't so he continued. "I hate to think I hurt you. And I am fully aware that I am by telling you I can't be with you. But I am being reasonable. I could hurt you in so many ways if I were with you, and I prefer that it would never come to that."

"Remus, if you're referring to you being a - "

"Yes, Tonks, I am!" he said loudly. "It is much more dangerous than you probably think it is. This horrible infestation that runs in my veins. I could give it to anybody and I wouldn't ever know that I had. This should never happen to anybody," he took a deep breath. "There are too many people I care for that I worry I could hurt them. I was to protect you, Tonks. I want to protect you from me because I love you far, far too much to ever put you in this danger."

Tonks shook her head in anger. "Remus, I don't care! I know that you are a werewolf! I know, I'm not stupid. I'm not afraid, I never have been. I love you for everything that you are, werewolf or not."

Remus looked away. He had nothing to say. He had to resort to using excuses.

"I am far too old for you. You could have any man you wanted."

"No, I couldn't. The only one I want refuses to believe that I love him."

"Now that's not true. I know perfectly well how you feel, but I just don't understand why."

"Even if I told you why you would still refuse to believe it. You would try to find reason for it when it doesn't need it."

Remus knew this was true. He tried to find reason behind everything, it was just what he naturally did.

"And you are not old, Remus," said Tonks frustratedly. "That is the most ridiculous thing you've ever said. You are far from old. And... and age is nothing but a number. It means nothing."

"But you wouldn't prefer someone younger?"

Tonks glared at him in disbelief. "No," she said firmly.

Remus didn't fight this. He was fighting a losing battle. He still had another excuse to use.

He wasn't fond of using it, he never liked to admit it. Remus avoided it whenever he had the chance, but he had to bring it up.

"I couldn't support you, Tonks. I can barely support myself," he drew a deep breath, "I'm too..." he felt the bloody rush to his face as he forced the word past his lips. "Poor."

Remus's shoulder slumped forward as he stared at the dark wood of the coffee table. He felt his eyes prickle.

Tonks stared at Remus with a great sadness. She would tell that he never wanted to bring this up and she felt like dropping the subject but she found herself arguing against it instead.

"Poor?" she repeated in a heavy voice. "You think I wouldn't love you because you think you're poor."

"I am poor," Remus forced the words out of him again, still not looking up from the table.

"And so what?" said Tonks. "In the long run money comes down to numbers and numbers mean nothing."

"And you wouldn't prefer a man who would... support you."

Tonks felt a little insulted. She was, after all, an auror and they had a pretty decent wage.

"I don't need a man who can support me like that," she said with an insulted tone. "I can support myself. And I am not the kind of girl who falls in love with a guy because of his money." Tonks glared at him.

"I never said you were," said Remus in a small voice. "I just... want the best for you. And I could never give you the best."

"Love is not about money, Remus. It isn't about age or anything. You could give me all the riches in the world and I still wouldn't be happy. The best is you, Remus."

He felt her stare at him. He wouldn't look at her though, because he knew that if he saw those eyes they would be pleading. He felt as if he were about to cry. He bit his lip and was shaking to slightly as he spoke, knowing what was going to happen.

"I'm too dangerous," was all Remus said.

He sense her stand up.

"Don't dare start this dangerous nonsense on me again," Tonks's voice was shaking. "No. No, you can't see it. I love you and I know you love me too. She why... why do you have to... to push me away? I am so sick of these stupid, stupid excuses that you're making. Just please stop making excuses. Stop pushing me away!"

She stopped, her eyes still boring themselves into Remus, and when he didn't reply she just shook her head at him pittuflly and walked out of the room and broke into a run up the rickety staircase until she reached Remus's room.

Remus had followed her slowly up the stairs, stopping at the top of the staircase she she stopped at his bedroom door. Tonks pushed open the door slowly and Remus followed her in. She was sitting on the floor in her purple dress, her robes lying in a heap next to her, and one heavy black boot on, the other boot beside her. Her face was burried in her hands as she sobbed. She looked up when she felt is presence and saw that he too was crying. His eyes were red and tears fell down his scarred cheeks. His mouth open slightly and each breath he took shook.

Remus looked her in the eye and felt a fresh wave of tears. He felt like collapsing on the spot, but instead he saw down next to the crying girl and without a word he put his arm around her. Tonks moved in closed and continued to sob into her hands. They sat together for this for what felt like an age, Remus occasionally stroking her shoulder.

"I'm not pushing you away, Tonks," he said gently after a while. "I'm doing this to help both of us. You'll see soon."

Tonks made a funny noise and gestured her head in a manner that could have either been accepting or not. She just looked at the boot on the floor.

Remus withdrew his arms from around her shoulders and lifted her chin between his thumb and forefinger and turned her face to his. He eyes did not meet his.

"Look at me," said Remus softly and kindly.

Tonks lifted her eyes. They were just as his were.

"You will see it one day, you will, and when you do you'll know and you'll tell me," said Remus.

She closed her eyes and nodded.

Remus smiled sadly and stood up. Tonks put on her other boot and Remus helped her up. Tonks put on her robes over her dress and stood there silently, looking at her shoes. Two strong, caring ,loving arms embraced her in a hug. She could only hug him back.

"I'm sorry," Remus's voice whispered in her ear.

He guided her down the stairs and into the long hallway.

"I'm late for work," said Tonks quitely. "I should go."

"I think work is the least of your worries at the moment. You should go home and have some rest, I think is better for you. Call in sick," said Remus.

Tonks managed a little smile and nodded.

He led her to the front door when Tonks realised something.

"I've left something in the lounge room," she said as she hurried back to the lounge room, returing a few seconds later with her brown paper bag.

Remus smiled and opened the door for her and bowed his head as she walked out into the street.

"Goodbye, Remus," said Tonks.

"Goodbye, Nymphadora," he replied with a small grin.

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Remus shut the door with a small click and moved slowly back to the lounge room. Upon the dark, wooden coffee table sat a large slab of white chocolate. Remus had never been fond of white chocolate, prefering the dark kind himself, but this was obviously a gift from Tonks. She had kept the dark slab for herself, probably aware that it was his favourite. He realised that the white must be her favourite. Remus sat down on the lounge, unwrapped the chocolate and broke off a small bit. It tasted like nothing to him. Or it may have but his mind was still focussed on the conversation he'd just had that he couldn't even concertrate on the taste of a simple piece of chocolate.

It wasn't that he wanted to do this to her, he had never wanted to do it at all, he had wanted to be with her more than anything. No, he didn't want to do this at all, he felt it was his responsibility to do it though. The longer they spent away from each other, the more they'd come to realise just how much they really needed each other. This would only make them stronger.

But it would hurt in the process.

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Tonks didn't go to work that day. The fact that she had already been a few hours late contributed to her excuse of not feeling all that great. She stayed home and had mug after mug oh hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and eating the bitter dark chocolate which did nothing but make her think of Remus.

Remus. Well today had started of strangely, what with waking up in his bed. 'Talk about awkward,' thought Tonks.

She didn't know how she felt about that morning. Sure, she'd woken up in his bed, but the hangover didn't do her much good. Sure, she had chocolate for breakfast (infact she hadn't eaten anything but chocolate all day), but the chocolate had been spoilt by him saying they needed to talk.

And a talk they'd had. He had slowly broken every part of her heart everytime he spoke. She knew he was pushing her away, but she knew that it wasn't because he thought he was too old, too poor and too dangerous. He had a different reason and reason and she was going to find out what it was.

She sat in her emerald armchair sipping her fifth hot chocolate of the day. It was late afternoon and the sun was dancing in thought the window, illuminating every object in the room with a yellowish glow, much the same as it had done that morning when it flooded Remus's lounge room.

Remus. She couldn't stop thinking about him. The way the sun shone brightly and softly upon his face, he looked beautiful.

She had to stop thinking of him. He would keep hurting her every time he drifted into her thoughts.

Tonks sat down the unfinished mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table, next to it the dark chocolate that reminded her of Remus. She tore her eyes away from it, looking about the room. There was the photo of her and Remus in its glittering, ornate frame. She looked away to a different spot. There was the chess set they had played each other against. She moved her eyes quickly. There was the loung on which she and Remus had kissed. Tonks shut her eyes.

"Go away!" she said in a stressed, broken voice.

She left the room to her bedroom. She shut the door and fell onto the clean, white sheets on her bed.

Remus had white sheets on his bed.

Tonks grabbed a light yellow cushion and screamed into it before throwing it down after realising it reminded her of the of the sunlight that filled Remus's lounge room.

Tonks felt tears on her cheeks as she rested her weary head on an orange pillow and tried ever so hard to fall asleep.