Dearest Reviewers This is my early Christmas present for you. I hope you all enjoy it! I'm so happy you're all enjoying the story so far. Please, keep those wonderful reviews coming because they make me smile :) Happy holidays!

It's the Christmas chapter finally! I made it in such exceptional timing too, haha.

It's very long. Alot of original book part so I don't mind if you skip that because we've probably all read it a hundred times before.

Your words devour my heart and put me to shame - Crowded House - Distant Sun

Tonks wrote to Remus a few more times after that. She was careful to charm the pieces of parchment so that only Remus could read them, and she always made sure that no names were mentioned in them. Not once did she hear back from Remus.

Not until two days before Christmas.

Tonks was at her parents' having an early Christmas supper when an owl began to tap at the kitchen window. Andromeda, Tonks's mother, stood up.

"I'll get it. Most likely Christmas greetings," she said as she walked into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a letter in her hands. "It's for you, Nymphadora," she said, slightly puzzled. "How on earth they knew you'd be here... I suppose the owl must've just known how to find you."

Tonks took the letter and read it.

Dear Tonks,

I'm back for Christmas. I'll be staying at the Burrow over the holidays. I would really like to see you. Can you send an owl letting me know if you want to or not?

Merry Christmas,

Love Remus

"Who was it from, Dora?" asked Ted, Tonks's father.

"Oh, Remus," said Tonks looking up from the letter.

"Remus?" said Ted. "A man?"

Andromeda smiled widely. "Oh Nymphadora! you've found yourself a man!" she cried happily. She had always wanted her daughter to have a boyfriend.

Tonks's face fell slightly. "Mum, we're just friends," she said, frowning, folding up the letter and putting it in her pocket.

"Oh," replied Andromeda, a little embarassed.

"What did he want?" asked Ted.

"Just to wish me a happy Christmas," Tonks said, "and asking to see me over the holidays..." she added quietly.

"Well, Henry's in the kitchen, you can reply with him."

Henry was their family owl.

"I think I might reply when I get home," Tonks lied, "let's just eat now."

Tonks had no intention of replying. She really didn't feel like seeing Remus over the holidays. Tonks was more surprised by Remus wanting to see her. She guessed that he probably still wanted to maintain their friendship that was still there. She couldn't do that though, she felt too strongly for him.

---------------

"Oh, Remus dear, it's lovely to see you!" remarked Molly merrily as she hurried him over the doorstep out of the cold. "How have you been?"

"I've been okay," he lied.

"Oh that's good then," Molly said but not without a little frown. "Come, come, we're just about to eat dinner."

He followed her into the kitchen where all the Weasley's (minus Charlie and Percy), Harry and Fleur were already sitting cooped up around the table. Remus sat at the end next to George. Everyone was tucking into the delicious meal that Molly had prepared, Remus sat pushing his food around his plate moodily.

"What's up, Remus?" asked George through a mouthful of sprouts.

"Mm? Nothing," replied Remus, forcing a smile. "How's business?"

"Booming," said George happily. "We're closed over Christmas though, not that we had much left to sell. The place was cleared out in the lead up to Christmas."

"So pretty well then," said Remus mildly.

"That's a bit of an understatement," laughed George. "And how are you these days? Keeping well?"

Remus replied with a feeble smile but said nothing more.

Though practically starved for four months, Remus hardly ate. He felt Molly's irritated stare and Arthur's occasional sad glances toward him. He guessed Molly was angry at him for not eating the food on his plate when he looked so obviously starved, and gussed Arthur had sensed his moodiness. Or Remus felt that his guesses were just not thought about and he was imagining everything.

After dessert, Molly almost physically forced everyone into the living room to listen to Celestina Warbeck's special Christmas broadcast on the wireless. Remus settled himself in a cosy armchair right next to the fire which warmed his face with it's burning flames as he stared deeply into it.

"Oh, come and stir my cauldron

And if you do it right

I'll boil you up some hot, strong love

To keep you warm tonight."

He was lost in his thoughts. His thoughts that he hadn't been able to access properly for months. Figures from his mind danced among the flames. The nightmare he'd had since he could remember; Greyback watching him outside his window, a giant werewolf tearing at his side, his parents' helpless cries of horror. Remus shook his head slightly, feeling tears burning in his eyes. He thought of something happier. The first night he stayed at Hogwarts, delighted that he wasn't by himself in a secluded room, rather surrounded by the boys who would later become his best friends, James's thin, friendly face, Sirius's effortless good looks, scrawny little Peter. He smiled remembering those wonderful times.

Another figured worked it's way out of his mind and into the flames. She was kind of short and there was a broad smile across her heart-shaped face. He saw his own figure appear, holding hands with her. Both of them looked happy.

Remus was getting irritated. He closed his mind. He found himself listening to Harry and Arthur's conversation as Celestina began another song called 'You Charmed the Heart Right Out of Me'.

"Mr Weasley, you know what I told you at the station when we were setting off for school?" he heard Harry say.

"I checked, Harry," said Arthur at once. "I went and searched the Malfoy's house. There was nothing, either broken or whole, that shouldn't have been there." He sounded as if he didn't particularly want to get into a conversation about it.

"Yeah, I know, I saw in the Prophet that you'd looked," said Harry. Remus had seen it too. "But this is something different," he continued urgently, "well something more..."

Harry was telling Arthur how Draco Malfoy was practising Occlumency, Snape had made an unbreakable vow with Narcissa to protect Draco, that Draco had joined the Death Eaters. Remus soaked in every word, intrigued just a little by this information, but not surprised. Harry finished talking, glanced over and Remus and almost all was silent, except for the frequent explosions game of Exploding Snap that was happening in the corner, as Celestina kept singing.

"Oh, my poor heart, where has it gone?

It's left me for a spell..."

'No,' thought Remus bitterly for a moment. 'It left me because of a curse...'

Arthur had listened patiently to Harry throughout his talk.

"Has it occurred to you, Harry, that Snape was simply pretending - ?"

"Pretending to offer help so that he could find out what Malfoy's up to?" said Harry quickly. "Yeah, I thought you'd say that. But how do we know?"

Remus rolled his eyes; Harry was so much like James.

"It isn't out business to know," Remus said, entering the conversation. He turned away from the hot fire and faced Harry and Arthur. "It's Dumbledore's business. Dumbledore trusts Severus, and that ought to be good enough for all of us."

"But just say - just say Dumbledore's wrong about Snape - "

Remus sighed. "People have said it, many times. It comes down to whether or not you trust Dumbledore's judgement. I do; therefore, I trust Severus."

"But Dumbledore can make mistakes," Harry argued. "He says it himself. And you - " Harry looked Remus straight in the eye, " - do you honestly like Snape?"

Remus could have almost laughed. The amount of time James had asked him the very same question with the very same look. He answered as he always had.

"I neither like nor dislike Severus," Remus said. "No, Harry, I am speaking the truth," Remus said when Harry pulled the same sceptical expression that James always had done. "We shall never be bosom friends, prehaps; after all that happened between James and Sirius and Severus, there is too much bitterness there. But I do not forget that during the year I taught at Hogwarts, Severus made the Wolfsbane Potion for me every month, made it pefectly, so that I did not have to suffer as I usually do at the full moon."

How he would love to be back at Hogwarts, maybe in Hogsmeade, strolling up the street in the moonlight with her...

"But he "accidentally" let it slip that you're a werewolf, so you had to leave!" Harry said angrily.

Remus only shrugged. "The news would have leaked out anyway," he said thruthfully. Remus had been surprised he got through an entire year without his identity as a werewolf being recognised. "We both knew he wanted my job, but he would have wreaked much worse damage on me by tampering with the Potion. He kept me healthy, I must be grateful."

Harry still didn't look convinced. How not only did he sound like James, his stubborness was just like Lily's.

"Maybe he didn't dare mess with the Potion with Dumbledore watching him!" said Harry.

Remus smiled a little. "You are determined to hate him, Harry. And I understand, with James as your father, with Sirius as your godfather, you have inherrited an old prejudice. by all means tell Dumbledore what you have told Arthur and me, but do not expect him to share your view of the matter; do not even expect him to be surprised by what you tell him. It might have been on Dumbledore's orders that Severus questioned Draco."

Harry opened his mouth to reply but closed it and nodded bitterly.

Remus turned back to the fire.

"... and now you've torn it quite apart

I'll thank you to give back my heart!"

Celestina ended the song with a high-pitched wail.

'God, this must be how she feels,' thought Remus sadly of Tonks. He could help but think she didn't want to see him no matter what she felt. He was going to see her over Christmas though, he was going to make sure he did.

"Eez eet over?" came Fleur's voice loudly over Molly's enthusiatic applause. "Thank goodness, what an 'orrible - "

Arthur leapt to his feet.

"Shall we have a nightcap, then?" he suggested loudly, preventing an argument breaking out between Fleur and Molly. "Who wants egg-nogg?"

Arthut bustled off to get egg-nogg while everybody else broke out into conversation. Harry turned back to Remus.

"So what have you been up to lately?" Harry asked him.

"Oh, I've been underground," Remus replied. "Almost literally. That's why I haven't been able to write, Harry; sending letters to you would have been something of a give-away."

"What do you mean?"

"I've been living amongst my fellows, my equals. Werewolves," said Remus at Harry's confusion. "Nearly all of them are on Voldemort's side. Dumbledore wanted a spy and here I was... ready-made." he said bitterly.

Harry was looking at him sorrowfully, he had probably noted the bitterness in Remus's voice.

Remus continued with a forced smile. "I am not complaining," ('yes I am,' thought Remus) "its necessary work and who can do it better than i? However, it has been difficult gaining their trust. I bear the unmistakeable signs of having tried to live amongst wizards, you see, whereas they had shunned normal society and live on the margins, stealing - sometimes killing - to eat."

"How come they liked Voldemort?" asked Harry.

"They think that, under his rule, they will have a better life. And it is hard to argue with Greyback out there... "Remus replied trailing off at Greyback's mention. He hated talking about him.

"Who's Greyback?" asked Harry, the question Remus didn't want to go into.

"You haven't heard of him? Fenrir Greyback is, prehaps, the most savage werewolf alive today. He regards it as his mission in life to bite and contaminate as many people as possible; he wants to create enough werewolves to overcome the wizards. Voldemort has promised his prey in return for his services. Greyback specialises in children... bit them young, he says, and raised them away from their parents, raise them to hate normal wizards. Voldemort has threatened to unleash him upon people's sons and daughters," Remus hesitated, "it is a threat that usually produces good results," he said in a low, bitter voice. Remus sighed, then hesitated before going on. "It was Greyback who bit me."

"What?" said Harry, astonished. 'When - when you were a kid you mean?"

Remus nodded solemnly. "Yes. My father had offended him. I did not know, for a very long time, the identity of the werewolf who had attacked me; I even felt pity for him, thinking that he had no control, knowing by then how it felt to transform. But Greyback is not like that. At full moon he positions himself close to victims, ensuring that he is near enough to strike. He plans it all." Remus knew all to well of Greyback's plans, having taken part in four of them. He had escaped each one by Apparating so a secluded area jsut before his transformation. "And this is the man Voldemort is using to marshal the werewolves. I cannot pretend that my particular brand of reasoned argument is making much headway against Greyback's insistence that we werewolves deserve blood, that we ought to revenge ourselves on normal people."

Harry looked outraged. "But you are normal! You've just got a - a problem - "

Remus couldn't help but laugh. He was so much like James.

"Sometimes you remind me alot of James," he told Harry. "He called it me 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit," he chuckled. "Thanks, Arthur," he added, accepting a glass of egg-nogg from Arthur. He had felt alot better when he remembered how James used to mention his "furry little problem".

"Have you ever heard of someone called the Half-Blood Prince?" Harry asked him unexpectedly.

"The Half-Blood what?" Remus was slightly amused. Although he had heard the name one or twice in his later years of school, it meant nothing to him. He never knew who the Half-Blood Prince was and was never much interested.

"Prince," repeated Harry, watching him closely.

"There are no wizarding princes," Remus said, smiling. "Is this a title you're thinking of adopting? I should had thought being the 'Chosen One' would be enough."

'It's nothing to do with me!" said Harry, slightly offended. "The Half-Blood Prince is someone who used to go to Hogwarts. I've got his old potions book. He wrote spells all over it, spells he invented. One of them was levicorpus - "

"Oh, that one had a great vogue during my time at Hogwarts," said Remus reminiscently. "There were a few months in my fifth year when you couldn't move for being hoisted into the air by your ankle."

"My dad used it. I saw him in the Pensieve, he used it on Snape."

Remus smiled. Yes, James had used it on Snape, and not just once. James and Snape seemed to have used it more than anyone, particularly on each other, and on every encounter they had.

"Yes, but he wasn't the only one. As I say, it was very popular... you know how these spells come and go..."

"But it sounded like it was invented while you were at school."

"Not necessarily. Jinxes go in and out of fashion like everything else," he lowered his voice and looked at Harry in the face. "James was a pure-blood, Harry, and I promise you, you never asked us to call him 'Prince'."

"And it wasn't Sirius? Or you?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Definitely not."

"Oh," said Harry, sounding let down. "I just thought - well he's helped me out a lot in potions classes, the Prince has."

"How old is this book, Harry?"

"I dunno, I've never checked."

"Well, prehaps that will give you some clue as to when the Prince was at Hogwarts," Remus suggested.

A horrible sound of Fleur immitating Celestina Warbeck meant bed time. Remus, hwoever, decided to stay by the fire, comfortable in it's warmth. He stayed for a long time, gazing deeply into the flames before rising from his chair and heading off to bed.

---------------

Remus woke late on Christmas morning to find a few small packages sitting at the foor of his bed. He had sent off his presents to everyone else the day before, one which he was keeping until later.

He had recieved a new navy blue jumper from Molly, a Sneakoscope from Harry, and a small figure of a ferret curled up in sleep whittled out of wood from Arthur.

Everybody was chatting merrily as they sat down for Christmas lunch. Plates of vegetables were being passed back and forth across the talbe. He had just accepted a few parsnips from George when a clang of the gravy boat was heard and the gravy sent itself down the table in a long, brown river before Bill cleaned it up.

"You are as bad as zat Tonks," Remus heard Fleur say to Ron. Remus's movements became slower and his heart squeezed. "She is always knocking - "

"I invited dear Tonks to come today," said Molly, setting the carrots down heavily making the other plates jump. "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"

"No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much," Remus replied, knowing all to well that Molly was bound to work in this question at some point. "But Tonks has got her own family to go to, hasn't she?"

"Hmmm, maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone actually."

She looked at him in annoyance. Remus had got the same impression too, however he had plans to visit her that night.

"Tonks's Patronus has changed its form," Harry told him suddenly. "Snape said so, anyway. I didn't know that could happen. Why would your Patronus change?"

'Merlin,' thought Remus. He would have to say it without giving anything away. This was something he hadn't expected to happen.

"Sometimes..." he began, "a great shock... an emotional upheaval..."

"It looked big, and it had four legs," said Harry thoughtfully. Remus was wishing so hard for a distraction from this awkward conversation.

"Hey... it couldn't be - ?" Harry continued. Remus was tense and getting embarassed.

"Arthur!" cried Molly suddenly, staring out the window. "Arthur - it's Percy!"

"What?"

Remus breathed an enormous sigh of relief as everyone else turned to stare out the window.

---------------

It was almost midnight and Remus was sitting out in the Weasley's garden. The news that Tonks's Patronus had changed had tugged at his mind all day. There he sat on the back steps wrapped up in many layers and wondering whether he would want to see it. If hers had changed then maybe his had too. He was curious but he was scared.

Remus gazed across the snowy, moonlit yard, twirling his wand.

'It couldn't hurt,' he thought.

He hesitated for a long time before waving his wand. A silver creature scampered out of the tip of his wand.

Scampered. It never scampered out of his wand...

Remus looked down at the Patronus and gestured it to come closer to him. It was a ferret. There were no traces of the friendly wolf that usually bounded out the end of his wand; there was only a small, playful, silver ferret. It ran around the yard happily as Remus watched it curiously. He had seen this Patronus before, but it was never his.

"Ironic," said a voice behind him.

Remus jumped and turned to look. Arthur was standing in the doorway watching the silver ferret run around the trees making the snow on the ground illuminate in it's silvery light.

"Couldn't sleep?" asked Remus.

"No, no I couldn't," said Arthur, sitting down next to Remus. "And I'd heard someone creep down the stairs."

"Yeah... that was me..."

"Couldn't sleep?"

"No," said Remus. "No." He shook his head.

"You know I didn't had reason behind carving the ferret for you for Christmas and ironically the resemblance is uncanny," said Arthur. "But I couldn't help wonder, Remus, what happened to the wolf?"

Remus shrugged. "I've got no idea," he said.

Arthur nodded and neither said anything for a moment.

"I think..." said Remus slowly, "that someone else might have it."

"Mm, so I heard Harry mention," said Arthur.

"Yeah..." said Remus as the Patronus faded. He conjured another.

"What was it you said? An emotional upheaval?"

Remus nodded as the Patronus came to rest on the ground infront of him. It looked up at him happily.

"It seems the both of you need to talk about it."

"We have talked, Arthur. And we don't need to talk about it again."

"You could go see her then," Arthur suggested gently. "Just spend some time together. You know the only reason she didn't come today was because she knew you were here?"

"I figured as much," said Remus truthfully. "But why would she want to see me then?"

"Because she's confused and all she really needs is company."

When Remus said nothing, Arthur continued.

"Go now, Remus," he said. "You can go now and I'll just tell Molly you left early in the morning. And I know you want to see Tonks too."

Remus smiled.

"Thanks, Arthur," he said. "Thanks. I might just go."

And the little silver ferret faded as the two men got up to walk back inside.

---------------

Tonks lay flat on her back on the rug in her lounge room gazing at the ceiling she had charmed to make it look like there were thousands of glittering stars against a velvety, black sky. An orange pillow propped up her head as she observed her marvellous work. She had been lying like this for ages, unable to sleep. She had wrapped herself in the new purple jumper Molly had made for her and layed down on the floor.

Tonks had had a miserable Christmas. As much as she would have loved to have spent it at her parents' or at the Weasley's she couldn't bare to be around too many people lately. Her parents had questioned her on her looks, which were unusually dull, and she felt uncomfortable lying to them that she was just having an off day. Molly had invited her around for Christmas lunch but she knew Remus was there and she hadn't felt like being around such a large group of people.

Remus. A small package wrapped in brightly coloured paper and ribbons sat under her small, colourfully decorated Christmas tree. She had sent everyone else their gifts but saved this one, unsure whether she should send it to him. She had racked her brains out deciding on his gift and was so unsure about whether he would like it.

Tonks sighed and sat up. She hadn't drawn the blinds and could see the moon high up in the sky, it's light illuminating the room with a beautiful silver glow. She smiled warmly. Tonks flicked her wand and her giant silver werewolf bounded out of the tip and padded around the room.

"You know, I really do wish I could see you," she said to it.

There was a quiet knock at the door. Tonks looked up curiously. Another knock.

"Speak of the Devil," she said to herself, laughing a little as thw Patronus continued to wander around. There was only one person she knew who would call in at such an hour.

"Evening, Remus," she said as she opened the door.

There he stood, in a new Weasley jumper and flecks of snow in his hair, smiling at her.

"Actually," he said still smiling," but my watch I would say it's just about morning." When Tonks grinned he knew he had said something right. "How are you, Tonks?"

She merely shrugged as she let him inside and closed the door.

"Well, hello there," Remus said in a friendly tone.

Tonks looked at him curiously, the realised who, or what, he had been speaking to. The Patronus was still padding around the room. She gasped.

"Oh, um," she started. "That... I um... er... uh..." she sighed.

Remus chuckled happily. "It's okay, Tonks, I know him."

"What?"

"Yes, he uh, looks familiar," he said. "I suppose his yours now though."

Tonks was confused.

"Well of course it's mine, I mean it came from my wand. But how could you know it? You've never seen it before. You've only seen my other Patronus."

Remus sat down.

"Emotions can do funny things to Patronuses. Strangely enough, yours appears to be..." he paused for a moment, "... a familiar form to me..."

She was looking at him curiously. Remus gave his answer with a flick of his wand.

"But... that's... but... what on earth?" Tonks said as the familiar silver ferret ran around under her Christmas tree, the werewolf now faded.

"I take it that was yours?" asked Remus.

"Well, yeah," he said watching the Patronus in awe. "But, I don't get it..."

"Neither do I," lied Remus. Tonks would find out for herself eventually and he didn't want to help her with this one. "So," he said turning to look at her, "Merry Christmas."

Tonks tore her eyes away from the Patronus.

"Yeah, Merry Christmas," she said with a smile. "So what brings you here?"

"I came to see you of course. I haven't seen you in ages and I just thought we should hang out together. It is Christmas after all and everyone deserves company."

Tonks smiled. Her stomach growled loudly. She blushed.

"Sounds like you haven't had anything to eat in a long time," said Remus.

"Well... no," she said. She hadn't been bothered to eat.

"Well you what," said Remus smiling, "what have you got in your cupboard?"

"Beats me," Tonks shrugged.

"Well let's see then. I know I'm not as good a cook at Molly but I can cook you up something. A Christmas Midnight Feast," he declared.

Tonks smiled happily as they both got up to move to the kitchen.

"No, no, you sit down," said Remus as Tonks began getting out pots and pans. "I'm making this for you. You just sit down and relax."

He pulled out a kitchen chair for her and forced her gently into it by pressing down on her shoulders. His touch sent her heart flipping like a gymnast.

Remus bustled about the kitchen gathering ingrediatents: a couple of tomatoes, a bag of spaghetti, various jars of dried herbs, half a block on dark chocolate, sugar and eggs and flour and butter.

"I think we could get a good meal out of these," he said turning to grin at Tonks. "I won't be long."

He spent a good half hour chopping, boiling, melting, toasting, mixing and cooking all the ingredients. After he had finished cooking he asked her where the table wear was kept and came back and dressed the table in a white cloth and an empty vase.

"Okay, sit, sit," he ordered Tonks.

Tonks sat, amazed at the speedy preparation.

"Pasta ala' Lupin," said Remus placed a bowl of spaghetti covered in a rich, red tomato sauce infront of her. "I'm not much of a cook but it's Christmas dinner all the same."

He grinned broadly as he sat down opposite her at the tiny kitchen table.

"It looks fantastic, Remus. Thankyou!"

"Ah, thankyou, Tonks. Now, before we tuck in I must ask you one thing."

"Yes?"

"What's your flower of choice?"

Tonks smiled sweetly, the lightest shade of pink colouring her cheeks. "Daffodil."

"Beautiful!" said Remus giving his wand a little flick and making a bright, yellow bunch of daffodils appear in the empty vase. His heart soared high when he saw her face light up with joy.

"Oh, Remus, this is wonderful. Thankyou so much!"

"It was my pleasure. Now eat up."

And the two sat and ate and talked merrily over Remus's home cooked meal. There were no awkward silences, no raised voices, just two people sharing dinner together.

"Oh gosh, Remus, that was excellent."

"Thankyou, but I have made a special dessert. I found half a block of dark chocolate sitting in the back of your cupboard. I take it you didn't enjoy it?"

Tonks laughed.

"To be absolutely honest, I really don't like dark chocolate," she said.

"I feel the same about white chocolate," said Remus, "however, I have made you a special dessert," he stood up and picked up a tray behind him. "Chocolate tart."

They ate their way through the rich chocolate tart, all smiles and laughter.

"Well Remus, I must say that that was an excellent feast," Tonks said setting down her fork. "You're a marvellous cook."

"I try my best," Remus replied with a laugh.

Both were quiet for a moment as they smiled at each other. Remus quickly looked away from her and to the daffodils in the vase. Nothing was going to happen between them, not today, and he had to make sure it didn't.

"Chess?" he said after a moments silence.

"You're on," said Tonks pulling a mock serious face.

She and he sat cross legged on the lounge room floor at the low coffee table where a chess board and pieces were perched. It had been a long time since their last game of chess. Tonks had really missed it. She missed the look of concentration on his face, the way his brown creased when he was thinking too hard, the way he smiled when he knew a good move, the look he made when she had made a bad move, the way he bit his lip when she was about to move a piece she shouldn't, how he ran his hand through his hair and scratched the top of his nose when there was a particularly tricky move to be made, the quick swift movements he made as though the same was just too simple. Tonks had missed it alot.

"Oh my God," said Remus pulling a face he had never pulled when playing chess against her.

"What?"

It was nearing three thirty in the morning and nearing the end of their game. Remus was shaking his head as he studied the board intently. He looked puzzled.

"What?" repeated Tonks.

"It's your move," he said, still studying the board.

"Yes, I know," she said looking down at the remaining pieces, "but I don't get why you're so - oh my God..."

"You see it?"

"Yeah..." she said in quiet shock. She studied all the pieces, double checked them, triple checked them. It was impossible... "You can't win."

Remus was speechless.

"You can't win, Remus," Tonks repeated more confidently. "This means that - "

"You beat me," Remus said raising his hands in defeat. "Fair and square and I didn't even see it coming."

Tonks was laughing happily still in shock that she had beaten him at chess. It was amazing.

"Well, I must congratulate you, Tonks," Remus said extending an arm over the chess board. Tonks took his hand and shook it. "Brilliant game, brilliant."

"Tell me about," said Tonks, grinning still, then yawning hugely. "But, I tell you what, I'm so tired."

Remus yawned too.

"Yeah," he said ,"it's either really, really late or really, really early. I don't know what to call it at this hour... I better get going."

"Why don't you just stay the night?"

"Oh I don't think - "

"It's okay, Remus. You can have my bed, I'll take the lounge."

"I really don't think - "

"Remus, it's almost four in the morning, just stay, okay?"

He wasn't sure how this would work out but he was tired and he really wanted to go to sleep. He decided to risk it.

"Okay," he said slowly, "but you keep your bed. I'll be okay on the lounge."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive," he said, "plus, I'd love to fall asleep under the stars."

They both looked up at the ceiling still charmed with thousands of crystal stars.

"Okay then," said Tonks looking at back him. "I'll just go find you some sheets," and she walked off down the hall way.

When she returned she found him curled up on the lounge already asleep. He looked freezing. Tonks covered him in several woollen blankets and tucked them in around him and smiled. She longed to kiss him gently on his forhead but didn't dare incase he woke up. Instead she ran her finger gently down his long nose and smiled and went off to bed herself.

---------------

After he felt her presence go he smiled, his eyes still shut. A moment ago he had felt her delicate finger trace down his nose. He could feel that she was longing to kiss him just as he had done when he put her to bed at his place but she wouldn't. He knew she was scared of what would happen if he had woken (which he wouldn't have done to save her from embarassment). Remus was disappointed she hadn't kissed him though, but he knew better. It was his idea that they wouldn't have a relationship and he couldn't act as if he wanted it to happen to matter how much he wanted to be with her.

He fell asleep smiling because of how adorable Nymphadora Tonks was.

---------------

Tonks crept out of bed. It was almost midday and the whole appartment was flooded with dim winter light. Outside snow was falling lazily. She walked quietly down the hall and into the lounge room. She moved silently over to the lounge where he was sleeping and peeked. He was fast asleep. Tonks moved away and was almost at the kitchen before she stubbed her big toe on the bookcase. She swore loudly.

Remus woke with a loud snore.

"Wassat?" he said sitting bolt upright.

"Morning," Tonks said weakly, hobbling on the spot clutching he foot. He clumsiness always seemed to strike at the worst times.

Remus rubbed his eyes and yawned.

"Sorry," appologised Tonks, "I tried to keep quiet - "

"Don't worry about it," he shook his head, "it's about time I woke up."

He yawned again and looked up at the ceiling. The charm had worn off.

"I should have let you sleep in a little longer..."

"Oh no, no, no, no, no," Remus said waving his hand. "It seems to be pretty late. What time is it?"

"Uh, almost midday."

"Midday? Blimey, I'm glad you woke me up, I hate sleeping in 'til the afternoon... it's... weird," he stood up and stretched out.

Tonks couldn't help staring. It may have been just the many layers of clothes he had on, or he looked very well built. Whatever it was, he looked alot less frail than he usually did.

Remus stopped and looked at her, eyebrows slightly raised and an amused smile in his lips.

Tonks blushed furiously and ducked into the kitchen muttering something about making tea. She could hear him chuckle a little to himself.

'Damnit,' she thought angrily as she got out two teacups, 'I must've looked so stupid.'

Tonks was deeply embarassed for being caught out staring at him, the look on his face doing nothing but deepening the embarassment. She took her time making two cups of tea, making sure she had completely stopped blushing as she took a cup out for him. When she re-entered the room he was standing and looking at the photo wall. There were a few photos of them together, her favourite still the one of them playing chess was now on her bedside table. She saw Remus's eyes look for ever photo of them together. He heart flipped. Remus had his hands behind his back and was humming a Christmas carol, completely oblivious that Tonks was behind him. she cleared her throat. Remus looked back over his shoulder, Tonks was holding out the same floral teacup he had drank from the last time he was at her place.

"Thanks," he said as he tooked the cup, causing Tonks's heart to flip again. She felt herself blush again.

"Are you okay?" asked Remus taking a sip of tea, the slightest trace of amusement on his voice.

"Oh, um, it's just a little bit too hot," she replied stupidly.

"Hot?" repeated Remus, eyebrow raised. "It's snowing..."

"I meant with the jumper on," Tonks replied, pulling the sweater off to reveal an old shirt and a sweater vest.

'Nice save,' thought Remus, who would have laughed if it weren't for the fact she had had her fair share of embarassment for the day.

"So, uh, Remus," Tonks said. She had seated herself in her emerald green armchair. "I've got a present for you. I never got to give it to you earlier," she nodded towards the Christmas tree over in the corner of the room.

"Ah!" he said. "Same here."

He went to pick up a small package which he'd left by the door when he had arrived the night before. Tonks had realised him leaving it there. Remus handed Tonks the present.

"Go on, open it," he urged her gently.

Tonks looked at him, then to the parcel. She pulled the ribbon off and slowly unwrapped it to reveal a plain cardboard box. She lifted the lid.

"It's not much," Remus said quietly.

Tonks gasped. Inside the box were sixteen beautifully carved wooden chess pieces. Each one was made out of the same dark wood and polished hard. Each piece was exquisite down to its intricate detailing. Tonks picked up a knight to observe in awe the fine detailing of the horse's mane.

"Remus, it's - it's beautiful," she breathed. "Did you...?"

"Make them? Yeah."

"Wow," she said. "Wow. Thankyou so much."

Tonks put the box down on the lounge and hugged Remus tightly. He smiled and hugged her back.

"You truly deserve them now," he said as she let go.

Tonks grinned.

"And now your turn," she said, "It's under the tree."

Remus went over to the tree as she saw back down on her chair. He picked up the package and sat down cross legged on the floor. Tonks admired the way he could go from looking like a very handsome, strong man to looking like a child excited to open their presents on Christmas day, just sitting there on the floor with a present in his hands. Remus undid the wrapping to reveal a large chocolate coloured mug decorated fantastically with flowers in a slightly lighter shade of brown.

"It's a bit feminine but - "

"It's wonderful," finished Remus. "I love it."

Tonks beamed and Remus smiled warmly. Their eyes met for a silent moment.

"Um, I'm hungry," said Remus awkwardly, breaking the silence. He could feel the where silence was leading and it was his responsibility to make sure it didn't go there.

"Me too," agreed Tonks. "Let's have... uh... breakfast... or lunch?"

"Yeah," said Remus, "slight problem."

"Oh?"

"I think I may have cleaned the cupboards bare of food when I cooked last night."

"Ah," said Tonks scratching her head, "well I do remember there being left over tart. We could have that."

"Good idea."

Tonks disappeared into the kitchen while Remus sat back down on the floor. Tonks came back, handing a plate with a slice of chocolate tart, and joined him on the floor. Like they had earlier, they joked and laughed while they ate. It was if they hadn't ever had those lengthy talks about their relationship. They were completely comfortable around each other.

"Hey! What's that over there?" said Remus, pointing at the wall with his fork after he had finished his own slice of tart.

"What?" said Tonks looking at the wall in surprise.

Remus quickly took a small piece of her tart and she turned back.

"Remus Lupin you just stole some of my chocolate tart, didn't you?" Tonks said waving a fork about in the air.

"No I didn't," Remus said with a cheeky grin.

Tonks set her plate on the floor.

"Yes you did," she said pointing a finger at him, smiling.

"Prove it."

"Because," said Tonks, leaning in to poke him in the chest, "there's less of it now and you have a great, big, cheeky grin on your face. That's how."

"And what if I just like to grin in a great, big, cheeky way?" he said leaning in closer, grinning with his tongue between his teeth.

"Then I'm just going to have to suspect you every time a piece of my chocolate tart goes missing, aren't I?" She was even closer.

"I suppose so," Remus said, now focussed on her eyes. They were sparkling. He hadn't seen them sparkle like that since...

Remus knew where this was leading. His heart was beating fast. How could he have been so stupid? It was his responsibility to not let this happen. Yet he was looking into her eyes, those beautiful glittering eyes. They both leant in closer. They were so close he could kiss her now. It was about to happen.

He looked away.

"No," said Remus in a hollow voice.

Tonks was crestfallen. Remus buried his face in his hands and sighed.

"Remus," Tonks said softly, placing on of her hands on his knee.

"No, Tonks," he placed his hand over hers and put it on her own knee. He let go. "This should not - should not have gotten to this. It isn't right."

"Well can we talk about this?" she said desparately.

"No," he shook his head, refusing to meet her eyes.

"Why not?"

"Not unless you want to hear it all over again."

"Hear what?" she asked though she already knew after she said it.

"I am too old, too poor and far too dangerous," he said bitterly.

Tonks pounded the floor with her fist. Remus stoof up.

"Remus, please don't leave," Tonks said scrambling to her feet.

"I have to," he said, looking at his hands.

"No you don't..."

Remus picked up his new teacup. He looked paler than he had been before.

"Remus..."

He opened the door. Tonks sighed.

"Merry Christmas," he said glumly, touching her elbow gently.

And Tonks watched him trudge down the stairs as she blinked back the tears in her eyes.

---------------

Remus lay flat on his back on his big iron bed frustrated with himself. It was supposed to be his responsibility to not let that happen. And even though it hadn't, he was still furious for letting it get that far, for wanting it to happen, he was still furious for letting it happen. He had given her false hope and he felt horrible for doing it. Remus just couldn't stop breaking her heart.

It was late afternoon and the winter sun was setting and snow was still falling heavily outside. Remus shivered and wrapped his blankets around him. Nothing could stop him from feeling to miserably cold except the thought of her smile. Everything he thought of that pretty smile he felt guilt slink into his conscience. He had led her on. There was nothing else that could be said. When he turned up at her place at midnight he had expected to have a friendly, happy time, nothing to happen. He told himself nothing was to happen, he had set tules for himself and he had gone and broken them all. Along with her heart.

Remus rolled over onto his side. The picture of him and Tonks was on his bedside table, both of them beaming out from the frame. He let out a depressed sigh.

There was a loud knocking coming from downstairs. Remus refused to answer the door. The knocking continued. It was loud and booming and angry and almost desparate. Remus pulled the covers over his head.

"Remus!" bellowed a voice from outside. Remus could only hear if faintly but he knew who it belonged to and he knew why it was bellowing.

"Remus!" the voice continued to bellow, fists pounding on the door. "Remus, open the door. I know you're there!"

He stayed put.

"Remus, I swear I'll blast the door in!"

He didn't care. He could fix the door.

"I'll do it! I swear I will!"

He knew she wouldn't even hesitate to blast the door in but he didn't care. He curled up even tighter under the blankets, completely covered.

The pounding stopped. Remus covered his ears expecting a loud bang. Instead he just heard the door creak open then click shut. She'd just used alohomora, thank Merlin. He footsteps were muffled as they wandered the first floor of the house. Remus threw back the covers and lay there still. He had no intention of moving.

"Remus!" she called, her voice echoing through the big, old house.

He heard her feet on the stairs. They were slow and uncertain. They reacher the top of the stairs, walked down the hall. They stopped outside his bedroom door. Remus sat up, now sitting cross legged on his bed and he threw a blanket around his shoulders. The door creaked open slowly.

"Remus?" came Tonks's voice softly. It was such a different tone to the angry, desparate one she'd had a few seconds ago.

He didn't move his head but he looked up slightly with his eyes. He mousy hair stuck to her face with sweat even though it was freezing out, and there were traces of snow in her hair and on her shoulders. He cheeks were bright pink, either from the bite of the cold or from embarassment, perhaps both. Her body, although thin and frail, was held in a sort of unsteady confident manner. She looked as if she had just recovered from breathing heavily. Despite all this, she was tall. It was as if she was casting a shadow over Remus's hunched frame.

"Remus," she repeated, approaching the bed. "We need to talk."

"No."

"It wasn't a question."

He pulled the blanket tighter around himself.

"You owe me an explaination," said Tonks.

"An explaination of what?" he said wildly, looking up at her but unable to keep his eyes from flickering about the room. "I've told you: I'm poor, I'm old, I'm a werewolf. You deserve better than men. What else is there to explain? I can't say anything more than that!"

Tonks's bottom lip shook. He had never spoken to her so harshly before.

"I'm a bloody werewolf, can't you - ?"

"Can't you just stop leading me on?!"

Remus stopped instantly. Her words hit him like a falling brick. He felt himself sink even lower into his hunched position. Tonks was glaring at him furiously wating for him to speak.

"You're the one who's telling me 'no', saying we can't be together, refusing me, then you go ahead and start flirting with me! You start it all the time, not me."

Remus was sinking lower and lower. She was right; it was always he who had managed to start it. She was pouring the guilt all over him and he knew he deserved every drop of it.

"Are you going to say anything?" Tonks said, glaring down at him with flashing eyes. "Don't even think of bringing the werewolf into this," she added when his lips moved.

Remus looked up at her. He felt pathetic.

"I... I... I..." he uttered.

He felt them coming. Tears began to fall silently from his eyes, he shook his head and held it in one hand, beating the mattress with the other. He cried. Tonks stared at him, horrified by his breakdown. She didn't know whether to leave him be or comfort him. She didn't want to leave him like this but she didn't want to watch him in this state. Tonks simply sat on the end of the bed. It seemed like forever before Remus finally controlled himself. He ran his hand through his greying hair every now and then when he spoke.

"Tonks, I'm so - I just - it can't - I'm so," his voice shook, "I'm so sorry." he uttered.

Tonks said nothing. Despite his breakdown and feeling sorry for him, she wanted to hear more than just sorry.

"I'm so stupid," he said, his face screwed up with bitterness. "I do it all the time. I tell myself not to, that I'm being unfair, that it's wrong, and I still manage to get that far without stopping myself. It's hurting you, I know it is, and I can't understand why I'm letting myself do that to you," his bottom lip shook and he ran his hand through his hair. "Last night - this morning - whatever - I came over to spend time with you. I told myself strictly that nothing was even going to come close to happening. Do you know how many awkward silences I had to break? They would have led somewhere if I hadn't said anything. And then the last one," Remus was shaking his head, "The last one. I didn't break that silence, I just kept going along til it got to the point that whether I kissed you or not it would still result how it did," he rubbed his hand across his forehead, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I can't explain it any more than that. I'm just... horrible."

Tonks sat on the edge of the bed and took all of his words in. He knew exactly what he'd done to her and he understood the pain of it all, he could feel the pain. She was amazed at how hard he tried not to let anything happen.

"Remus," she spoke softly but strongly, "I don't think you're horrible. I think so much of you. You know I love you, but you're hurting me and from what I can understand, you're also hurting yourself. I really don't want you to do this.

God, Remus, I've said it so many times, I love you and you've told me the same that you love me too. I just don't understand why you insist on refusing this. It's hurting you, Remus. You know I love you and your excuses mean nothing to me. It's as if you think that by insisting on the excuses that maybe I'll come to accept them. I won't because I love you, Remus, I love you."

He looked up at her, his eyes still glassy with tears. He looked as if he wanted to say something but the words wouldn't come out. He looked to be as big a mess as she felt, if not more.

He saw the look on her face. It was almost pitiful. Remus felt pathetic, he wanted so bad right now just to drop his stupid ways and just be with her but he couldn't.

"I can't do this," he said, trying so hard to meet her eyes but failing.

"Maybe some day," Tonks sighed, standing up.

She cast a look over Remus as she walked to the door.

"Oh, and forgive me for, um, intruding. It was rather rude of me," she said before leaving the room, a tiny, sad smile flickering across her face as she left.

When he heard her footsteps on the stairs he slowly got up and followed her silently to the door. He was at the foot of the stairs as she clicked the front door closed. Remus sighed and sat on the bottom step.

Merry Christmas,' he thought sarcastically.

Reviews would be delightful! I'm so happy with this chapter.

NOTE: If there are any questions regarding Remus's Patronus and the change (seeing as it seems to be a widely discussed topic) I ask you to read my profile before asking me anything else. If that doesn't help I would be happy to answer any questions you may have.