This Is How A Heart Breaks
Chapter 12: I Think She Knows
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Natasha waited as the kettle boiled and was about to pour the hot water into a mug but decided she couldn't face a cup of tea, she needed something much stronger instead. She was on the way to the cupboard where she kept her alcohol when her mobile phone began to ring.
"Natasha Rivers." She answered, placing the phone between her neck and shoulder as she reached into the cupboard for a bottle of vodka.
"Hey Tash, it's Phil."
Natasha nearly dropped the bottle in surprised but she smiled to herself all the same.
"Didn't expect to hear from you so soon. You couldn't stay away, could you?" She asked flirtatiously.
Phil smiled at the other end of the line.
"Is it ok if I come round?" He asked.
"Come on over." Tash replied.
"How was Sam?" Suzie asked, passing Zain in the corridor after he had returned from the hospital.
He smiled for what felt like the first time in far too long. "She's doing okay."
"That's great, Zain." Suzie smiled, and then lowered her voice. "Have you told her yet?"
"What?"
Suzie rolled her eyes. "Zain," She stretched out the syllables.
"The timing wasn't right." Zain explained when he finally got Suzie's drift. He didn't want anyone, not even Suzie, to know that he had already confessed his true feelings to Sam but she had not been conscious at the time.
Suzie reached out and rubbed his shoulder. "You'll find the right time."
"Thanks." Zain smiled, before heading back to his desk.
Zain went to visit Sam again at the end of his shift. He hovered outside the hospital gift shop debating whether or not to buy Sam another bunch of flowers. He decided against it as her ward was starting to look more like a florists than a hospital. He pushed open the door and entered the ward; part of him wanted Sam to be sleeping so that he had more time to plan what he was going to say to her.
"Twice in one day? They can't be giving you enough work to do, DC Nadir." Sam said with a smile from her positioned propped up in the hospital bed by a mound of pillows.
Zain smiled. "Someone is feeling better."
"I am actually." Sam grinned, and she looked better than she had the last time Zain had seen her.
"Everyone at the station sends their love." Zain told her.
Sam smiled. "That's nice. The doctors say I should be able to go home the day after tomorrow."
"That's great!" Zain grinned.
"Yeah, I can't go back to work though, lots of bed rest and no strenuous exercise are on the agenda for me." Sam said, catching Zain's eye and smiling.
"Doesn't sound so bad." Zain replied. "Sam, I need to tell you something." Wishing as soon as he had said these words that he had kept his mouth shut.
"Okay, go ahead." Sam said, looking at Zain with interest in her green eyes.
"Um well, okay…Sam I…I'm kind of in love with you." He blurted out, not daring to meet her eyes.
Sam smiled a little. "I know."
"You what?" Zain asked, looking up in surprise.
"I was only just conscious when you said it the last time, I thought I had imagined it so I decided not to bring it up."
Zain didn't know what to feel. "And?" He prompted.
"I can't say it back Zain, not without meaning it but it doesn't mean I don't feel anything for you."
"Okay," Zain felt disappointed but the let down could have been worse. However, Sam wasn't finished yet.
"When I'm better you can take me out for dinner and we can see where it goes from there."
Zain smiled, resisting the urge to lean over and kiss her.
Guilt burned in Phil's insides, as he lay awake beside Natasha's sleeping form. He never used to think twice about meaningless affairs with women, even when he was married to Cindy. That was before he had fallen for Sam now and everything was difference. He hated himself for bottling it and running out of the hospital. He knew he owed it to Sam to be there for her. Finally making his decision, Phil climbed out of the bed and dressed. Without a backwards glance at Natasha, Phil left the house for the hospital.
When Phil pulled his car into the car park at St Hughes hospital he saw a tall Asian man getting into his car, he realised that it was Zain. He took this as a good sign; at least it meant that he wouldn't be there with Sam when he arrived.
Abandoning his car in a space reserved for doctors, Phil climbed out and hurried into the hospital. He had no idea what to say to Sam when he got there but his conscience urged him forwards.
It seemed to take Phil an impossibly long time to locate Sam's ward this time, all the corridors looked the same with their horrendous green walls. It was enough to make even the visitors feel ill. Phil was disappointment when he finally located Sam's bed, she was already asleep, clearly Zain's company couldn't have been that enthralling he thought bitterly.
Still he slumped into the chair beside Sam's bed, intent on waiting to see if she would wake up. He didn't have to wait long, slowly Sam's eyelids began to open and she blinked rapidly before looking at him.
"Phil? How long have you been here?" She mumbled.
"Not long." He replied although it was getting on for half an hour since he arrived at her bedside.
"Sorry, it's the medication, it makes me drowsy."
"Are you feeling better?" Phil asked, leaning forward in the uncomfortable chair.
"Lots, thanks for asking." Sam replied, Phil couldn't help but detect a hint of bitterness in her voice. Obviously she had noticed his absence and had probably heard about his affair with Natasha.
"I'm sorry, I would've come sooner but…" He paused, he didn't want to lie to her but he couldn't tell her the truth either. "Things have been quite busy at work."
Sam smiled, trying to be understanding. "When isn't it?!"
"True." Phil admitted. Silence began to stretch out between but it wasn't the comfortable, friendly silence that usually existed between them. "I should probably get going. Feel better soon." He leaned over and kissed her awkwardly on the cheek.
"Bye Phil." Sam said softly as she watched him leave the hospital. Her heart was torn firmly down the middle when it came to Phil and Zain.