Chapter four: Mad Hatter's Zim Tea Party

"Katty!" said a voice as Dib and the Cheshire Kate got near the Mad Hatter's house. Dib stopped dead as he saw Zim…again.

It was a taller, older version of Zim, though, about sixteen in Earth years, and he was wearing a crazy top hat, red and black plaid clothing and held about four piercings. Cheshire Kate and this older Zim hugged and sat in seats at the tea party. Dib took a seat out the table and heard someone say, "Shouldn't you ask first before sitting?"

Dib looked down the table and saw Dwinky, in an outfit much like Zim's yet the bunny ears were brownish. Dib blinked as Dwinky raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing here?" Dib asked loudly. Before Dwinky replied, the Mad Hatter Zim said, "How is a raven like a writing desk?"

"Huh?" Dib asked.

"Come on, do guess!" Cheshire Kate replied.

"I don't know. How?" Dib asked. "Well, how the Irk should I know?" Hatter Zim said, taking a sip from his teacup. Dib glared lightly at him as Cheshire Kate stood up, her whiskers twitching.

"Happy unbirthday!" she said to Dib. Hatter Zim stood up as well, and they both toasted to him. "But it's not my birthday," Dib said. "All the more reason to say unbirthday, stupid human!" Zim said back. "Hey!" Dib replied, but Hatter Zim began to talk about a concert. "And the Queen wanted to behead me for it, pathetic worm!" he said. Cheshire Kate nodded and kissed him on the cheek.

Dib felt disgusted by this and stood to leave.

Dwinky shoved him back down in his seat and said, "You can't leave just yet, the Dormouse hasn't woke up yet."

"Well, then wake him up so I can get the heck outta here!" Dib hissed.

"Purr-fectly unacceptable!" Cheshire Kate snapped back. "Tell us a story, to pass the time, what's-your-face!" Hatter Zim said. The three at the table all leaned towards Dib, waiting for a story to be told.

Dib was silent and Hatter Zim walked over to him on top the table and put the teapot over his empty cup.

"Would you like some more tea?"

"But I haven't had any," Dib said back. "I can't take more if there's nothing to begin with."

"You mean you can't take less." Hatter Zim replied, giving a very smart-aleck look. Dib felt confused as Hatter Zim poured tea out. It dripped down to his teacup and then zoomed right back into the air.

Hatter Zim took a seat and Cheshire Kate disappeared under the table. Dib stared at her empty spot as Hatter Zim and Dwinky sipped their tea.

There was a very loud crash from below and Hatter Zim disappeared below as well.

"Give it!" Cheshire Kate shouted as they both strangely appeared on top of the table. Hatter Zim was holding what looked like his robot dressed up as a dormouse. "Wake up, Dory!" Hatter Zim said and Gir woke up with a yawn. "Tell us a story!"

Cheshire Kate nodded as Hatter Zim held him by his tail in the air.

Gir began,

"Once upon a time there were three piggies named Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie. They lived at the bottom of a well-!"

"A what?" Dib interrupted, but Dwinky and Hatter Zim hushed him. Gir went on, "They ate cupcakes all day long!"

As Gir yawned and began to go back to sleep, the others pestered him to continue his pointless story. Dib stood up when he did and walked away.

"'Why so glum',

Asks the cat, to poor little Dib.

'Well,' said Dib to the cat, 'My whole life is just a fib.'

'Then why speak of such disgrace?' asks the cat once more.

'Well," said Dib, to the cat, 'My life is like a handsome boar.

No one's sane and no one's mad.

While they act so sad.

And the other's are all gone

At the break of dawn.'

Cat was unhappy, as he spoke

For little did she know

The woods around, made of oak

Slowly turned to bows."

"Shut up!" Dib said, holding his head that now hurt from the poem. Cheshire Kate went on:

"The bow's all turned to Dib and cat

Even to the Hatter, mad as his hat

'Bye-bye, boy," said the cat once more.

'I guess you are so poor!'

Dib let out a little scream, heard throughout the land.

And he made one last move, as the arrows hit his hand."

"OK, I'm done," Cheshire Kate, purred. Dib glared up at her and said, "Your poetry sucks."

"Not as bad as Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dumber's!" Cheshire Kate said, disappearing in her tree, starting at the tail and ending at the face, where her smile lasted for a few seconds after the rest.

Dib stared at it blankly as something brushed his nose, causing him to sneeze. Cheshire Kate let her tail fall onto the forest floor and placed her paw/hands on Dib's shoulder, gently rubbing them.

"That feels good," Dib said, closing his eyes.

"Purr," replied Cheshire Kate.

Suddenly, Cheshire Kate said in one breath almost, "I'm off to see Mad Hatter! Meet you at the Queen's match!"

And, just like, she had disappeared like before.

Dib opened one eye and glanced around, opening the other. He scratched his large head and said, "Well, that was weird.

"Queen's match?" he asked himself, standing perfectly still.

He heard an ear-splitting hiss from what sounded like a cat from the direction of Hatter Zim and Dwinky's tea party. He heard a "Let me go, Zim! That rabbit looks tasty!" and a "Katty, no rabbits till after the tea party!"

"I'm hungry!"

And Dib saw White Rabbit Zim run from the area of forest the pathway to them was at. He looked like he had just come out of a fight and was adjusting his ears. Dib saw him run by, looking at the watch again. "That Irk dang queen is gonna kill me for this!" Zim shouted.

Dib's mind went off and he chased after him.