It wasn't until Miki walked into the room that Gaara; too late, realised that she'd of course had changed clothes with the expectations of a wedding night. He froze as she slowly treaded up to him and he swallowed when the moonlight hit her frame.
Before, she had been wearing layers of heavy silk covering up her body completely. Now she was wearing a kimono of silk so delicate it was see-through. On top of that she had washed her face clear of paint and a part of him, that he chose to ignore right now, was delighted by her looks. Her hair was also free of all the knick-knacks that had been there earlier. Now the blue hair fell down to her shoulders making it an even bigger contrast to her skin tone and white clothes.
Gaara struggled to find words to say as she stood close awaiting him with a smile. His eyes kept glancing over her as she revealed more of her body already than he had ever seen on a woman before.
He cleared his throat.
"You will sleep in here; a futon is prepared for me in the other room." It was a short and brief message and he had expected her to show relief. Or elation. But he had not expected her to show resentment to his words.
"No." she said sternly. "You will sleep here with me." She pointed to the futon laid down next to them and he noticed how a little frown had appeared on her forehead. Her sudden display of resolve astonished Gaara to such an extent that he took a step back.
"You don't have to…" He begun but she stopped him.
"Man and wife make the biggest commitment to each other when they are alone. This is knowledge we learn when we grow up."
"Yes, but…" she continued relentlessly.
"You are the Kazekage. You show your commitment to this village and the people, yes?" He could hear how she attempted to convince him. He gave a slight nod but abstained from crossing his arms. She didn't have to be so stubborn about this. It was okay to leave it alone.
"And we have to show our commitment to each other." She placed a hand on his chest and the other one on her own. Her touch made Gaara feel warm even though her hands were cold. He gently removed her hand and looked into her eyes. Please understand, he thought. This is for you.
"This is my commitment to you."
She seemed to be a bit startled by his tone of voice but then she beamed to him and he knew she hadn't given up yet. The smile was somewhat overbearing and it was clear she thought he was trying to be polite. Which he was, but he was also trying to not sleep with her against her own will. Families and traditions could dry in the desert, he would not force her.
"No. You are being nice to me. I am very happy about it. But you show commitment." She took a step closer to him but he backed just the same.
"You're not happy with me?" her expression fell and Gaara felt a sting in his heart.
"That's not what I'm trying to tell you. I want you to… Hmm…" he thought of how to say it without making her more upset. We don't love each other, was the thing that kept coming up in his mind but he somehow knew that, although true, saying that would make her sad.
"We need to make this a good marriage, yes?" she said interrupting his thoughts.
"Of course." Gaara quickly answered meeting her eyes. Her stare was questioning, trying to understand his point of view.
"Then I do not understand." She declared. "We need good wedding night to have good marriage."
"That's not-" He tried but failed. She had said it so certain and confident that he almost forgot why he kept saying no.
"Yes?" She again decreased the distance between their bodies and this time Gaara was forced to stand still as he had the window behind him.
The moon light shone down upon Miki and Gaara caught himself thinking how beautiful he thought she was and that if it wasn't for the circumstances they had gotten married he would never have been arguing about this with her. A sudden desire to reach out for her was restrained by moving his hands to his back and resting them on the window frame.
"You seem… afraid?" she asked him, a shift in attitude so unexpected that Gaara felt even her posture changed.
"No it's just… I do not want to sleep with you just because we are forced to by traditions." There he finally said it. "We have a diplomatic marriage."
"Are you forced by traditions?" she sent him a confused look.
"No. No, but it may be assumed that the wedding night is…" he lost his words. He couldn't make himself say, us having sex. It seemed too indecent.
"Then…" she started but stopped to think poking her chin with a finger and giving Gaara time to breathe something he had apparently not done enough of, since he felt out of breath. She looked up, eyes widened.
"You believe I am forced?" She asked. Gaara nodded slightly embarrassed, but Miki appeared overjoyed by this information. He tried to explain.
"Yes. From all your culture's traditions and you…" How to say that she looked too dressed up and beautiful to just be thinking of sleeping? She shook her head.
"I am not here for traditions. I am here for good marriage."
"But you said that a good marriage comes after a good wedding night…"
"Yes. Because we show that we are committed to each other's happiness." This made Gaara's ears burn. He knew enough of the whole thing to understand the literal meaning of 'each other's happiness' on a wedding night.
"Even if that's the case I can't… I can't give you a good wedding night." He shocked himself by saying this. "You should know, since you are my wife… that I… I have never been with anyone. I have never…" it was hard saying it out loud. But to his astonishment she just took his hand up to her chin and smiled as she gave it a kiss.
"Neither have I."
"But then..?" His whole idea of what would have happened tonight was shattered as she gave his hand a kiss again, smiling to him so wonderfully that most of his worries disappeared as well.
"We kiss." She said placing another one on his hand. "We touch. We do what feels good."
Gaara realised that he needed to see Miki in a new light. He had thought that her nervousness was due to her dreading the night. He had thought she was coming to him against her own wish, in the best case to follow the tradition, in the worst case because her family demanded it of her. Deep down he had even thought that they could not have an affectionate relationship, because there was no possibility that she would want to be with him for any other reasons than the political. But looking at her now… perhaps..?
Perhaps it wasn't even nerves he had seen in her at first but… excitement? At least that was how big a grin she now sent him.
Throughout the whole debate he had refrained from touching her but now he took her hands and pulled them up to his lips, kissing them as she had just done to his. They were still cold but he didn't mind it.
"I don't know what to do…" he whispered.
"What do you want to do?" was her reply. Gaara shook his head and shrugged apologetically. He didn't know.
It was not because there wasn't anything he wanted to do. There was. The reason was that he didn't know what would be appropriate. She smiled and sat down on the futon indicating that he should join, so he did. Before he had placed himself comfortably she had grabbed his hands pulling them close to her.
"We kiss." She kissed them. "We touch." At this she guided his hands to her chest and Gaara's mind exploded.
He wasn't like his brother or sister. He had never had the same need for physical comfort or hugs as they did, but it didn't mean that he never wanted it.
Blushing, he let her keep his hands there; he did not dare to move them.
"Does it feel good?" she asked her voice sounding completely innocent but he couldn't help but wonder that she had to have some idea of his reaction to her. He nodded and she asked again.
"Where do you want me to touch you?" flabbergasted Gaara couldn't answer her so she tilted her head and with a little smirk said. "You have to tell me." She let go of his hands and as they fell down they touched something that made her gasp. Now it was his turn to become curious.
.
.
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Oh, Gaara is such a sweetheart! As he is often shown in the series without any sexual component to him I really wanted to give him that. So slowly he will get to know why sex is so talked about… ;) See you in the next chap.