This is a very long one-shot. It's set around season 2 and Monica is dating Richard. I had the idea of this fic watching some scenes of the Italian movie "Che ne sarà di noi" (the English title is like "what will we be in future?"), like when Chandler scream in his mind "Do it Monica!"
Hope you like it! Read and review!
I don't own them!
Kissing like there is no tomorrow.
They feel on the bed, their mouths locked, hands wandering on their bodies. When they were finally both naked, his hand went under her head and brought her up for a loving and soft kiss.
He smiled, looking in her eyes, and in his head he screamed "I love you".
"Hey Honey!" she said happily, when her boyfriend walked in Central Perk. She stood up from her spot on the orange couch, and wrapped her arms around him. she placed a soft kiss on his lips, and smiled when he ran his hands on her hips, making her giggle.
"Hey sweetie." He smiled in her eyes. She looked at her friends, who smiled to him.
Richard sat down on the couch where before Monica was sitting, and Monica climbed on his laps.
As they talked, blue eyes were staring at her. In his eyes there was jealousy, but love. Anger but tenderness. Frustration.
"Chandler, what about you and Joey coming to the basketball match tomorrow? I already have the tickets"
"Tomorrow? Sorry, I have an important dinner with some co-workers."
Richard nodded, then put his head on Monica' shoulder and looked at Chandler. "don't worry. There'll be other evenings together."
"Why don't you come with us Monica?" Joey asked.
She leaned against Richard and smiled to Joey. "Because I'd get tired. I don't understand much about sports, you know. Plus, tomorrow I have to work late because there's a big wedding at the restaurant"
Chandler stared at her and closed his eyes. Pain shot though his body.
As he watched her kissing Richard goodbye, he could feel the world calling him. His eyes were following her, every little reflex.
Do it.
She smiled to Richard. Her eyes were shining.
Do it. Turn and smile to me like that.
Richard pulled her in a big hug, and everyone in Central Perk looked at them.
Come on, leave him, turn come to me and place a kiss on my mouth, smiling like you did before, tell me you love me.
Tell me you're my woman, you're mine, I am the love of your life.
Richard let go of Monica and kissed her a last time.
Come on do it! Do it now!
Richard began to walk out the coffeehouse smiling to everyone. Monica watched him leave.
Do it, my love!
Do it, do it, do it, do it, Do it, do it, do it, do it,Do it, do it, do it, do it!
Once Richard was out the coffeehouse she smiled, looked down and walked back to his friends, sitting on the couch next to Chandler. He stared down, on some point on the floor.
Do it, please, do it Monica.
Do it, my love.
As he opened the door of the apartment, he felt someone tapping his shoulder. He turned his head and saw her.
He looked at her and smiled.
She smiled too, a little, and this made his heart ache. He wanted her to smile like she did with Richard.
Her lips placed on his as he finally opened the door. It was a soft kiss. It was just the beginning.
He opened the door and Monica walked in. Chandler looked at her, and without thinking twice, he pressed his lips soundly to hers.
She was surprised by the quick of his actions, but closed her eyes and kissed him back. he was holding her tightly, his kisses were passionate, his heartbeat was felt even by her.
He pulled away from her and lifted her up in his arms, kissing her again. He carried her in his room.
On the bed kissing, like many others evenings. As he stared in her eyes, he smiled. She was too caught up to notice that smile. The smile that showed her everything, everything she needed in her life.
The first time they did it was after Monica and Richard had a huge fight. She was drunk. He was sane. She needed comfort. She needed him in a not friendly way.
And he let her.
In that amazing night he fell in love with her. The way she felt, the way she smiled to him while he was stroking her cheek.
But that night became the worst nightmare when the day after he didn't find her in his bed. But he found her in her apartment with Richard. Smiling, chatty and kissing.
When he entered, the others were already there. The couple was sitting around the table. When Monica's eyes met Chandler's, he could feel the world collapsing under his feet.
In her eyes the happiness of being with him disappeared, was gone.
But, later, it happened again. They kept having sex while she was with Richard and this was just destroying Chandler, who was in love with her.
He wanted to have her all for him. No seeing her with him, so happy and in love. He wanted to have the same glances she had with Richard.
"he's mature, he's not a guy like Chandler or Joey, the are baby, they don't know what love is. He's mature, he's Mr. Right. I love him and he loves me. I feel realized. I feel good with him. I feel an adult."
When he heard her saying this to Rachel, for a moment he thought that his heart stopped.
Yeah, of course. He was an immature guy, he was a baby, he didn't know the love. He wasn't Mr Right.
That night, he cried after Monica fell asleep in his arms after they had sex. She was with him only for this.
Sex.
Carnal pleasure.
But he kept wandering if Richard was so bad in bed if she was sleeping with him.
"yesterday the match was great! Then Richard is really a great man!" Joey happily said the morning after. He was eating some biscuits, and Chandler was sitting on the chair watching the tv.
"really?" he was getting tired of everyone saying 'Richard's so great'. All of his friends adored him.
And, what was him? Sometimes he lost himself thinking about what if he would leave everything what would be. Would they realize he was gone? Maybe, but they'd let Richard take his place in his group.
"Yeah. He is becoming like a brother to me. He said he's going to see an hockey match! He said to invite you too. We should go out with him more often. You'd love him too!"
Love him too
Joey turned and saw a silence Chandler standing in front of him. "stop it Joe"
Joey felt a shiver going trough him. That voice… that look in his eyes. What the hell..?
Chandler walked past Joey and Joe felt the cold by him. "I don't want to talk about it" he just said before leaving.
He couldn't take it anymore. The situation was too hard. He had to stop seeing Monica and go away. Away from her, from Richard, from his friends.
He didn't feel a part of the group anymore.
He felt a stranger, closed up in himself, with his pain and his problems. Nobody could understand him.
And for his sake, he had to stop this with Monica.
"Honey, next week I am going to stay with Michelle and her husband for few days. They want me to stay with them for preparing everything for when the baby comes.." Richard announced.
Monica, who was lying with her head on his knees looked at him. "oh. Okay. Tell her I say 'hello'. I'll visit her when she gives birth."
"Key." He smiled looking down at her.
With the couple, in the apartment there were Phoebe and Chandler, who were playing cards. Chandler didn't really wanted to come over, but Phoebe obliged him to.
He closed his eyes. A last time. He wanted her a last time so he could 'leave her' in those days Richard was out the city.
Last time… then go away.
Get out from this nightmare.
When he stared at her, at her little body, at her big eyes, at her dark hair he wondered how she could make him feel like this. Like dying.
"How can you feel little
when you're the biggest dream
and the biggest nightmare?"
"Chandler, let's go to my room."
He watched her taking his hand and leading him in her room. Only 10 minutes ago Richard left.
She closed the door behind her. Chandler's eyes weren't even on her. His eyes were lost. His heart was lost.
Last time.
It hurts…
She lifted her shirt and then kissed him. Her lips sought his with an incredible passion. He gave up and kissed her back.
Last time
He pushed her on the bed, undressing her, slowly, wanting this moment during forever. Kissing her everywhere. Holding her to him.
Leaving marks and hickey on her body, signs that she was only his. Monica once told him she didn't want hickeys on her body, because Richard could understand.
But he didn't care.
He wanted to leave something on her, to her.
"Chandler…" she moaned his name.
As he was making love to her, he could feel tears streaming down his face.
He kissed her when she was sleeping. Every time he wondered if she has ever dreamt of him. Maybe about their future together.
But what future?
"goodbye honey. I'll miss you" Monica said to Richard, who was on the door.
Everyone were there, in the apartment.
"I love you honey" she said, smiling.
He smiled back and kissed her, embracing her in his big arms. "I'll call you. I love you too"
They shared another kiss, more passionate than the last. Chandler stared at them. They were in love. Theirs was love. He couldn't break the true love.
"alright. Bye everyone. I'll see you in few days." Richard said to the others.
In the evening Chandler was out, on Monica's balcony smoking and thinking. Tonight was going to be the night he was 'leaving' Monica.
"Aren't you cold?"
Chandler turned and saw Monica standing behind him. She was beautiful. His heart sank thinking he couldn't touch and kiss her anymore. But this was destroying him.
"No" he simply said and re-turned his head to the stars.
Monica took steps toward him, stopping right next to him. "Since when you smoke again?"
"Since when I want it"
"it's not healthy."
He turned and glanced at her. "I know. But you don't give a fuck about me, maybe you only care about the smell it does, but that it could hurt me doesn't bother you"
"What the hell are you saying?" she seemed to be shocked.
He sighed and fully turned to her, throwing the cigarette away, down the balcony. "I am just saying the truth, you don't give a fuck about me."
Monica opened her mouth to say something, but he cut her off with a loud sigh.
"In your opinion, do you know I am doing this Monica? Why I am staying here with you, spending nights with you, why I am always here when you feel down?" his voice was getting a bit louder and his anger and frustration was going to be freed. He was bursting.
"because you're my friend" she said, even if she still didn't know what he was to her.
"Wrong!" he yelled. "wrong, wrong! I am doing this because I am a baby! I am immature! That's why Monica! Not because I am your friend and I care about you"
She was shocked that he yelled at her. He anger was becoming to grow. "You know what? You're immature, yes! You're only a child!"
"yeah! I am! Not like your dear Richard! Because he's mature! Because he's a man that know what love is! Because he's older! Because he can give you everything! Not like me!"
Monica looked at him and laughed "you're right. About everything. I don't know why you're saying all these things, what do you want from me? Look, I don't know if you're expecting from me something, but I love Richard. And y-"
"And I am a friend right? Nothing more than it? Because I am immature. Because I don't know what love is." He said quietly.
She finally realized that he heard what told to Rachel.
"Monica, do you want to know why I am doing this? This is hard for me. Seeing you with another man, that you love. And so I ask myself, what the hell I am doing here with her? With a woman who doesn't see me as lover, as boyfriend, who doesn't love me."
"So what the hell are you doing with me? Why are you with me?" Monica asked, wanting to know the truth. Her heart was beating faster and faster by seconds.
"do you want to know why?" he asked louder. "Do you want to know?" he was yelling. "I am sleeping with you, I am here with you because I am an immature baby. And since I am a baby, I'm here to fuck you! because that's al you're doing to me! You fuck me. And you love him!"
Monica stared at him, not really expecting him to say those things.
"The truth is that we fuck, and because he's mature and old you two love each other! We fuck and you and Richard love! We fuck and you love!" he yelled, his anger was all in those words, wanting her to know that he didn't fuck ever, he never did, he always made love to her. Even if this wasn't what she thought.
Monica stared at him a bit scared and shocked.
He kicked the wall yelling once again "we fuck and you love…" then he stopped, catching his breathe, some tears forming in his eyes.
"we just fuck… we've always fucked… destroying me… killing me inside…" he looked up at her, in her blue, shocked and scared eyes.
"from now don't look for me anymore…" he just say and walked past her and in her apartment. While he walked he looked around himself. Everywhere he could see her. he closed his eyes, a tear rolled down his cheek and he opened and slammed the door.
For some days Chandler was nowhere seen by his friends but Joey, who saw him when he came back late from work.
Avoiding Monica was the best thing to do. But all he could do was thinking about her. He missed her. He missed when they were together, he missed his dear friend, he missed the days with everyone in Central Perk.
It wasn't fair. For a mistake he ruined the best friendship he ever had. And he fell in love too, but this was only the fault of that single mistake.
Sometimes, in those days he found himself waking up in the night after nightmare that reflected the reality.
He was desperate, he didn't really know what to do without her.
"hey" Joey said, walking in his apartment.
"hey" Chandler said from his spot on Rosita.
"I haven't seen you lately around with us. What's going on buddy?" he asked, walking toward him and sitting down on the other chair.
"It's just the work… I have worked a lot lately, and you know, I am very tired."
"I see. Well, we miss you."
Chandler glanced at him surprised. "you miss me?"
"Of course. I don't understand why you're so surprised. We all miss you. Everyone. The girls always ask me if you're ok."
The girls? Even Monica.
He smiled. "Well, as soon I'll be free, I promise, I'll offer you guys I coffee at Central Perk. Promise"
He was walking back home. It had been a week and half he hasn't spoken with Monica. Not talking to her was so weird.
He sighed. He missed her.
When he walked in the hallway, he found there Monica. His eyes widened. She was lied on the floor.
His heart began beating faster. "Monica!" he yelled.
He knelt down and wrapped his arm around her shoulder and put her back on his laps. He stared in her face. Her eyes were closed, she was sweating and was red.
"Monica! What happened? Wake up!" he yelled, shaking her.
Her eyes began to open. "Chandler?"
"what happened Monica?" he asked, calmer.
"I had fever… but I was so down… so I went out and drank… too much…"
Chandler sighed in relief, after all she was ok, nothing serious. He then out his hand under her legs and stood up with her in his arms.
"I'll take care of you, Monica" he whispered against her dark hair. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in it.
He took her in her apartment, in her bedroom. It was good being again in that apartment again. And having her in his arms was even better.
He put her in her bed. "Monica, do you want something?"
She opened her eyes and nodded. "you…" she paused. "I want some water.."
He brought her a glass of water. She then fell asleep. He then took all her clothes off, and put her on her favourite pyjama. He put the covers on her. He put some ice on her forehead.
Then, after he checked her fever, and saw it was gone down, he sat down on a chair next to her bed. He smiled and leaned to her.
He placed a light kiss on her lips. "I love you." he whispered. He then put his head down on the bed and took her hand in his.
He closed his eyes. For now, I am with her. For now, she's here with me. Tomorrow she'll be with Richard. But tomorrow is another day, another world.
When the sunlight his her face she woke up. Before opening her eyes she realized that somebody was with her. And she had an incredible headache.
She opened her eyes and her head began spinning. She brought herself in a sitting position. She rubbed her eyes with her hand and then she realized that her other hand was held by someone.
She looked down, and with surprise, saw Chandler, holding her hand. He was asleep, with his head on her bed.
She didn't really expected this. She remembered that had got drunk last night. But she saw Chandler… she didn't really remember it.
She took the hand away, even if she loved the warmth that was his hand.
His eyes opened as soon as her hand was free from his. He looked up at her. She looked better, he noticed.
"How are you?" he asked, his voice still sleepy.
"I am okay… just a little headache."
He brought himself up in a more comfortable position. "Do you remember something about last night?"
Her heart began beating faster. The last time he heard that sentence from him was when they began their affair. "no."
He sighed then stood up and stirred. "Well, I found you passed out on the hallway"
"what? Really?"
He nodded and yawned. "yeah. I carried you here and, please don't get mad, but I had to take your clothes off and put on your pyjama"
"I am not mad." She smiled a little.
"well, I was scared because you had high fever, plus you were drunk. I took care of you, and now I really hope you' re ok. Maybe now you'll have only a big headache after getting drunk, but the fever" he touched her forehead with his hand "is gone"
She blushed when his hand touched her. "yeah. I have and incredible headache."
He took away the hand. "I know. So, do you want me do something for you?"
She shook her head. "No thank you. I'll get something later"
"ok" He smiled "so, I go. If you need something, call me. I am right n the opposite side of the hallway"
She looked at him, with sadness in her eyes. He noticed him and stopped when she looked sad.
"what's the matter?" he asked, turning to her.
She looked up at him, not knowing what to say.
"aren't you feeling well?"
She shook her head. "no, no. it's just… yesterday I was drunk.. did I say something… weird… to you?"
"No. You only told me you had fever, but you were depressed so you got drunk."
She looked down then up at him "maybe the immature one is me. You're not immature. At all. You helped me and took care of me when I behaved like a kid. It's me the one who needs to grow up, not you."
"No, I need to grow up too, believe me. We both need to grow up. But, you were depressed right? So behaving like that is a right thing"
she smiled weakly at him. "still, I need to grow up." She glanced up at him. "I broke up with Richard"
At those words, he seemed to become immobile. Then, he thought he imagined it.
"Chandler? Have you heard me?" she asked.
He nodded, still lost in his own mind. "You left Richard… buy you love him…"
She shook her head "No. I don't love him. not anymore"
He then looked down at her. "Are you kidding me? If you are, it's not funny. Believe me"
She sighed, then pulled back the covers, and stood up, freezing at the coldness of the room. She walked up at him.
"I am not joking. I left her yesterday."
"Oh." He paused then looked at her "okay."
She sighed, then took his hand in hers and stared in his eyes. "Do you want to know why I left him?"
He stared back in his eyes and nodded. "Yes Mon"
She shook her head and a tear escaped from her eye. "Because I never fucked you. I always made love to you. Always. I cared so much, but I didn't want you to see it. I thought that you were only fucking me. And me caring so much, could have scared you. I hid in Richard's love for me."
Chandler swallowed hard.
"When I found myself in Richard's arms, days after you told me those things… I realized that I felt numb when I was with him. I felt lonely. All I wanted was… you."
At her words he felt his heart beating so fast that he could feel it against his chest. "You.. want me?"
She smiled and nodded "yes. Because I make love to you. Because I care about you. because my heart wants you. I want you. It's more than friendship and sex."
He looked down, still not sure, even if he was hoping. "But… you told Rachel that Richard was mature, an adult, and things. You told her I am a baby"
Her heart dropped when she heard the pain in his voice. "I told her that just because I thought she suspected something, because she saw me staring at you. I… thought.. that you didn't want them to realize that something was going on"
He looked down, the up at her again, his eyes now were full of hope. He smiled a little, and then leaned to her, his lips directed to her ear. "So what now?"
She smiled then pulled back a little to look at him in his eyes "and now?" she repeated, smiling.
His hand caressed her cheek, but his face changed. He was now sad. He seemed to be sad.
"what's the matter?"
"I am scared. What if you'll miss Richard? I can't be hurt again. You almost killed me when I saw you smiling with him. Richard, or anyone else. I am scared. I don't want to suffer anymore"
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against his chest. "I won't. I won't miss Richard. I won't let anyone else in our and my life. No one will never come between us. I promise. You know why?"
He looked down at her as his hand settled behind her head. "Why Monica?"
She smiled in his blue eyes, the most beautiful she's ever seen. "Because of this" her hand took his and put it on her chest, right above on her heart. "because when you're with me, I can feel my heart crashing against my skin. I can feel it jump out the body. Because not even when Richard told me he loved me I ever felt like this."
She then put her hand on his neck, pulled him to her and kissed him. She smiled against his lips, and once he kissed back, she felt herself shivering.
"I love you, that's why" she whispered against his lips.
"I love you Mon." he panted, after they finally made love. Their first "make love session". He covered her with kisses all over her face. She giggled and returned the kisses. Finally they kissed on the mouth, passionately, and broke the kiss after foe seconds.
"I love you too, Chandler. Not Richard, not sex, nothing matters. Only love. And, to me, you're the love."
the lyric "how can you feel little when you're the biggest dream and the biggest nightmare" belongs to "Ti scatterò una foto" by Tiziano Ferro