.:.
They had no doubt heard my car coming from a mile away but it did nothing to quell the anticipation I felt in the pit of my stomach as I sat in the driveway of the Cullen's house. A week and a half. It'd been a week and a half since I'd seen any of the Cullens and I still wasn't any more prepared. The respite from their constant presence came at a price. The entire week and a half my mind had been whirring with worry, agonizing over their silence. Did they know? Did they hate me? Why hadn't anyone reached out to me? What was going on? It was too well timed for it to be a coincidence, not that I believed the Cullens would leave me to my own devices for so long without some type of prodding.
There was no sense in delaying the inevitable, so with a weary sigh I got up and out of the car. The front door opened even before I had the chance to step in front of it and I was greeted with Esme's warm smile. My nerves dampened at the sight of her open expression. Perhaps I was overthinking things, Esme certainly didn't seem like she knew about anything or that she hated me. Despite my remaining reluctance in entering the house, I was marginally less nervous now.
"Bella darling, it's good to see you," she greeted me with a hug, not offering any indication that both her and her family disappeared without a word. I decided not to push the issue, given that I was going to talk to Edward soon enough anyway.
"It's good to see you too Esme." I smiled in return and she seemed pleased. Her eyes flickered down to my bare ring finger and her eyes widened, lips forming an "oh". Her gaze met mine again and quickly she pulled herself together, seeming uncertain as to how to react.
"Come on now, everyone has been waiting to see you." With a gentle grip she took my arm and led me to the living room. I couldn't tell if it was my nerves and I was imagining the tension, but the air was certainly charged. Immediately my eyes began to seek him out, seemingly on their own accord. He was there too, certainly not in the category of "everyone" that Esme mentioned and not in the category of Cullen either. Jasper remained lounging on the bay window, not even turning to acknowledge me. So that was how it was going to be. Disappointment welled in me and perhaps a little blame, knowing that it was the presence of the other vampires that caused him to be so indifferent. Abruptly a warm comforting feeling enveloped me, a mark of his emotional manipulation. My lips curled up in response. Jasper remained staring out the window.
Jasper's fingers trailed lightly across my skin, leaving burning trails of pleasure in the wake. This was perhaps the most intimate contact we'd had since I'd taken the ring off, but for once I didn't object. I'd been hesitant, given that Edward still didn't know anything of our broken engagement (although, that was hardly my fault, the Cullens had disappeared without word for what had been days now which was both worrying and gratifying. It was not, however, something I tried to think about much when in Jasper's presence) to be overly affectionate towards Jasper and he respected my wishes despite more casually and more frequently giving me innocent touches.
"Bella, Bella, Bella," he crooned as his fingers continued to glide across my collarbone. He paused for a second, raising his hand and gently caressing above my jugular.
"You certainly look good enough to eat." He smirked, his eyes dark and glinting wickedly. He certainly looked hungry but this time around I wasn't exactly sure what type of hunger it was. I shifted, momentarily uncertain before swatting him on the nose.
"Bad Jasper."
His eyes widened in surprise before he chuckled. His laugh was deep and throaty and it made my heart blossom with warmth, doing nothing to ease my current infatuation with him. He'd kept some degree of distance during these last few days, allowing me time to process things, but despite that his visits were frequent when appropriate. My admiration for him seemed to grow each visit. Of course, he was still the same, undeniably and sometimes infuriatingly very Jasper, but there was a certain simplicity to all our interactions now that made things much easier, despite the very un-simple circumstances.
"I thought it was my job to tell you what was good and bad." Jasper teased.
I bristled slightly at the memory of his last lesson before shaking it off. I shrugged at him apologetically, although my expression was anything but. "Sorry, you've been fired. Besides, you of all people should know this whole good/bad thing is outdated. Everything is just a shade of gray."
"You seem to regard yourself as quite the philosopher now." He rolled his eyes at me. After a moments silence he looked at me from the corner of his eyes. "Knowing only gray, you conclude that all grays are the same shade. You mock the simplicity of the two-color view, yet you replace it with a one-color view."
My lips curled, unsurprised that he took the bait. "I hardly believe that you of all people Jasper are a firm believer in the existence of good and bad, so perhaps take a step back from this whole devil's advocate thing. I very well wouldn't be sitting here in your company if I believed things were so simple as good and evil. Knowing only gray doesn't stop you from recognizing what's less grey and what is, for lack of better words, grayer."
"And why wouldn't you be sitting in my company? What is it that you view as… 'greyer'? Is it the vampirism─ the people I've killed? The fact that you haven't officially broken your engagement? The fact that I'm technically married? Or is it something else?"
It wasn't as though he intended it in a harsh way, it was more so that it was just Jasper's normal brutal honesty, but I couldn't help the sting of hurt and guilt that welled in me at the mention of Alice. Feeling my turmoil, Jasper surprised me by pulling me into his side. Still, he offered me no free-pass, although I suppose I couldn't expect him to as it would be notably un-Jasper to do so, and waited patiently for my answer.
"I didn't stop to consider which one of those it was." I offered slowly and hesitantly. "To be honest, I haven't really considered the whole Alice thing. Does that make me a horrible person? I forgot about my best friend. It's just… I never really seem to remember that the two of you are married and…"
I trailed off, unsure of what to say, horrified as the truth of the words weighed on me. I was sitting here with someone else's husband and wasn't even attempting to move away.
"In answer to your question, yes I suppose by typical human values you're a horrible person, not just for that reason either." I scowled at Jasper's blasé response and his features marginally softened before he threw me a bone. "But you have a little idea about the truth behind my marriage to her, Bella. I know that you know, regardless of Edward's insistence, that marriage is a relatively meaningless symbol in the world of vampires. Our marriage is merely a front for convenience sake in the eyes of the vampire world."
I sat in silence, absorbing the information, unsure of what to make of it all. On a certain level, I had known what he was telling me. Perhaps not with the certainty and clarity of what he was telling me, but I'd been around the Cullens long enough that sometimes they seemed to let it slip how differently marriage was perceived in the vampire world. It was difficult trying to stomach what he meant about convenience sake. He seemed to be hinting at them using each other for sexual gratification, but that didn't seem right, he barely ever spared her so much a glance. I couldn't tell if it was just my wishful thinking or not though.
"You're right, I suppose, I think to a certain degree I've always kind of known that you guys aren't mates, but I'm not quite sure I understand the motivation behind convenience sake." Perhaps that was pushing it, but I figured I was entitled some kind of answer.
Jasper smoothed the creases on my forehead, lingering there for a second before reassuring me. "She's not relevant to me in that way anymore."
"Love, you're here." I refrained from rolling my eyes at his obvious statement. This was the first time I'd seen Edward since our argument at school and he seemed to be trying to pretend it never happened.
I shrugged uncomfortably before offering an uncertain smile. "I'm here."
He stepped forward, taking me into his arms and kissing my forehead. The rest of the family chorused their hellos from behind Edward and I peeked out around Edward in acknowledgement. They all seemed to be trying too hard to act casual, but everyone's muscles were tensed up despite their casual positions. My eyes narrowed. I wondered for the millionth time why they went missing for a week and a half and if it had anything to do with the odd atmosphere in the room.
"Bella?" Edward questioned. My attention snapped back to him. "What would you like to do today?"
Dread filled me as I realized what I'd have to do right now. Nonetheless, I responded. "Would you like to go on a walk?"
He looked at me, surprised. We didn't normally go out on walks. His lips tugged downwards in a frown before he seemed to catch himself and instead nodded agreeably before sweeping his arm out in front of him. "Let's."
As we exited the house I could feel the combined gazes of all of the Cullens boring into our backs. Edward gently guided me and we leisurely made our way around the property, walking at the edges of the tall, towering forests that hugged the edges of the Cullens' land. The silence between us was awkward and tense and I wasn't quite sure where to begin.
Edward lamely tried to start a conversation. "How's Charlie doing?"
"He's good," I murmured absentmindedly.
"Oh. That's good."
We fell back into silence.
It'd be ten minutes? Fifteen minutes. Finally I sighed, realizing I needed to tell him. "Edward, things between us haven't been alright for a while."
His eyes were wide. "Well… I mean, I know. I'd have to be blind not to see that. I gave you time though, Jasper said you needed a break for a little while, so I stayed away. Did that not help at all?"
My brow furrowed. "You guys were all gone for so long because Jasper told you?"
"Of course, did you think I'd leave so easily otherwise?"
I was suddenly confused. Why hadn't Jasper just told me? He'd known it had been weighing on my mind the entire length of their absence. I wasn't quite sure why Edward suddenly found value in Jasper's opinion either, but I made a mental note of it and stored it away for discussion later.
"That's not the point, Edward. Besides, did you really think that leaving without a word for over a week would fix this? Would fix us? Clearly you don't seem to know me as well as you think." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration before softening my tone. "Our marriage would never work out. Look at us now. We barely talk anymore and when we do it's all so shallow. I don't know who we were trying to fool in thinking we could last an eternity together if we couldn't even work as a couple under the stress of an impending marriage. I don't want to resent you, Edward, but that's the only way things will work out if we keep doing this. You're not stupid, you've seen the deterioration of this relationship too."
His jaw clenched and unclenched. He seemed almost panicked. "We can work through it, we've just hit a few bumps along the road."
Looking down, I slowly shook my head not wanting to see his expression as I did so. There was silence. His cold hand cupped my face and my eyes finally met his. He seemed resigned as though he knew this was inevitable.
"When did this all fall apart?" He seemed to murmur to himself. "Everything was fine until…"
His eyes were suddenly narrowed and he was looking at me searchingly. "I knew I smelled him on you earlier. Did Jasper tell you he loves you, is that it? Did he confess to having all these sweet little feelings for you, the silly human who he almost killed? Wake up Bella, he's using you. He doesn't care for you."
I took a step back. "What? Jasper told me-"
The words "nothing of that sort" died on my lips as I took in the furious, almost unhinged expression on my once-fiancée's face. When he spoke his voice rose in volume word by word. "He told you? What exactly did he tell you, Bella? It's lies, all of it. He's trying to paint himself as innocent you know, so that you're loyal to him and only him."
Edward didn't seem to register the confusion on face because he kept going, his hands balled into fists. "He's guiltier than anyone of us. That man in there is a monster. While we might've gotten close to you on account of your gift, it was all because of him. He conveniently forgot to mention that part, didn't he? He was the one who invaded our home and has been using Alice's gift to find someone of your talent. He's using you, you foolish girl. He's using you for his army. Were you really so silly to think that his interest in you had nothing to do with that shield of yours?"
I stood, frozen. Not fully able to comprehend what he was saying to me, but not quite able to tune it out either. Liquid pooled in my eyes and Edward's hands gripped my arms in a bruising hold as he began to shake me. "You stupid girl, you've fallen into his trap. He wants you for revenge. He wants to use you to kill his sire. You're not important to him. You know nothing about the type of monster he is."
My eyes were swimming as I took another step back from Edward, head shaking in denial. Unfortunately, it all made sense though. The truth had been there right in front of me the entire time. The Cullens had allowed him to do what he wanted to shape and mold me according to his tastes, all under the guise of preparing me to be a vampire. The lack of protests on their part suddenly made sense; the way Jasper and I would conveniently end up alone together without another vampire hovering beside us. It wasn't as though Jasper had tried to hide it. You could say I have a stake in your afterlife. Jasper's words rang in my head. How many times had he alluded to having some kind of stake in what became of me? In his own words, he had been 'protecting his investment'. I'd been used this entire time. So what did that mean? Was my marriage going to be a sham too? Did Edward simply want to marry me so it would bind me to him? All this time they'd told me vampires were horrible creatures, but I'd refused to believe it. Now it was plain as day that they saw me as nothing more than a weak human with an easily moldable mind. I took in a sharp breath trying to quell the anguish clawing at me.
"She was supposed to be mine." Edward snarled, alerting me of a new presence. My head shot up and I caught sight of the Cullens and Jasper standing there. My gaze zeroed in on the blonde vampire responsible. His expression remained stony and his cold and angry eyes looked on back at me. The rest of the Cullens maintained unreadable expressions and a strangled cry escaped my throat.
"None of this was real?" I whispered, unsure I could hold myself together enough to talk any louder. It didn't matter, they all heard me. Their silence was the only answer I needed. Resolutely, I nodded to myself, refusing to let them see me break down. I curled my hands into fists, trembling with the terrible burden of both rage and anguish. With unrestrained resentment, I spat at their feet.
Carlisle had the decency to look away from me. His gaze zeroed in behind me on Edward who was crouched and glaring at Jasper. "Calm down, son."
Edward seemed beyond reason and just snarled in response before lunging, seeming to forget about my presence between the two parties. With a sharp blow, I ended up being thrown away, my body landing ten feet from them.
Laying on the floor, pain ripped through my side in a breathtaking wave of discomfort and I gritted my teeth. A long rumble sounded and then there were the tell tale noises of vampire clashing with vampire. Jasper's voice barked an order. "Get her, make sure she's alright."
I forced myself up only to see Edward lunging at Jasper, who side stepped every attempt. A frantic Carlisle and Esme were trying to force themselves between them and reason with their son who was surely going to be killed if he kept up with his attempted attacks. Alice, Rosalie, and Emmett all turned in my direction, darting towards me. My heart started racing as panic set in, as they closed in around me, blue flashed out from me and suddenly they were flying back.
"Fuck!" I heard someone curse.
This was my chance, I could get away from them. With a pained gasp, I forced myself up and began running, hoping that my shield would remain up. I couldn't outrun them, but so long as my shield remained up, I could at least try to get away from them. Every step I took caused a fresh wave of pain to wash over me until I was suddenly stumbling onto the floor and gasping. My shield flickered. Emmett stood at the side, watching me.
"You can't keep going like this forever, Bella." He reminded me. "It's gonna give and someone will be standing right here."
My breaths were short and jagged as my shield finally flickered out of existence. Suddenly I was in Emmett's grip. Screaming and struggling was of no use so instead I just glared at him and tried to focus on getting my shield up. Closing my eyes, I tried to search for the power that made it appear.
"Go on and try to help Carlisle and Esme calm Edward down. He's not going to help anyone by going and getting himself killed by Jasper. I'll take her inside." I heard Emmett call out to Rosalie and Alice before he started leading us into the house. The second we got in, he dropped me onto the couch before erupting into a flurry of movement. Quickly, he was grabbing things from all over before stuffing them into a bag.
"Come on, Bella." He motioned. I looked at him, unsure of what exactly I was seeing. Emmett stood crouched, motioning for me to get on his back. "We don't have time, get on my back. It's the only way."
Desperately, I clung onto the hope that was blooming in me. I didn't want to dare dream that he was helping me, but I couldn't think of any other conclusion. With rushed steps, I threw myself onto his back, locking my arms in front of him. Securing the bag onto his side and gripping my arms, he headed towards the back door. The second we hit outdoors, he broke out into a sprint. It was unlike the speed that I'd ever experienced a vampire go before and I knew that he was pushed by desperation. If he was caught, he was just as screwed as I was.
Wind whipped at me face as we all but flew through the dense foliage, eventually breaking out into an actual town, although it wasn't anywhere I was familiar with. He hadn't been running all too long; hiding under the cover of trees of what I'm sure was wooded area in Olympic National Park. I wondered how far we'd gone in that time. Nonetheless, running wasn't a viable option anymore as we'd exited the forested area and now the trees were too sparse and there were too many roads and buildings. It would've been fine had we not been running, quite literally, for our lives. Emmett set me down before grabbing my hand and leading me into the streets. He was scanning the area and took a deep sniff before zeroing nodding to himself. With a hurried step, he led me out to where the people were, accidentally bumping into a middle aged man in a grey coat on the way.
"I'm sorry, sir." He apologized, reaching out and holding the man to steady him.
"It's fine." The man waved off Emmett's apology before hurrying away. Questioningly, I looked over at Emmett and he grinned at me, holding up a set of keys. Understanding dawned on me, he'd just pick pocketed someone. I wasn't sure whether to be amused or guilty. Now wasn't the time for a guilty conscience to come into play so instead I cracked a small smile and gestured for him to go on.
We stopped in front of a nondescript Volkswagen and Emmett unlocked the doors, both of us hurriedly getting in before peeling down the street. My eyes felt heavy and I tried to fight the sensation, determined to pay attention and remain alert, but slowly I began to drift off.
.:.
"Bella," Emmett's voice was soft as he called my name. Groggily I opened my eyes and surveyed my surroundings, only to realize we were at an airport. Emmett reached to the back of the car and pulled out the bag he had packed while still in the Cullens house before thrusting it towards me. "Take the next flight out of here. Go somewhere far and then some. Do whatever you can to put him off your trail."
"You're not coming with me?" I asked, suddenly guilty. He smiled sadly at me and shook his head.
"I can't, Bella. If anything, I'd only endanger you more. If you can somehow work out this shield of yours, it could throw him off your trail. There's not much I can do for you aside from this. In the bag is all the cash we had in the house, pain medication, and clothes. It was all I could really put together."
This entire time, I hadn't been sure what to say to him and now we suddenly had an impending goodbye. I took the bag from his hands before throwing my arms around his neck. He seemed taken aback as though he hadn't expected me to want to touch him. His thick arms wrapped around me in return.
Pulling away, he looked me in the eyes. He hesitated for a second. "Look, what Edward said… it wasn't all as clear cut as that. I'm sorry."
I remained quiet, unsure how to take his apology. It wasn't as though I could be mad at him after he risked his own life to save mine, but I still didn't know how to stomach the fact that he knew the entire time. Perhaps he was right though and it wasn't all so simple.
"I love you, Em." I murmured giving him a sad smile.
"I love you too, Bells." His voice was thick with emotion as he spoke and he crushed me to his chest in another embrace. His words and hold on me soothed the aching wounds of my heart. With a reluctant sigh, he released me. "Now go Bella, hurry. Get as far from here as you can."
I stepped out of the car.
A/N: So it's been a while. Hopefully the extra long and uhh... dramatic chapter makes up for that. Tell me what you guys think, I know there's a lot thrown at you in this chapter and my initial plan had been to have things a little more slow progressing, but as I was writing it my plan kind of flew out the window. Hopefully none of you are confused about what happened-if you are, there should be more clarity in the later chapters! Poor Bella, huh? Happy reading!