Sorry for the slightly longer wait, this chapter is kind of long (SORRY!), and I didn't want to rush it.
Also, my apologies if this story seems like it's off to a very sloooow start. I didn't say this earlier, but this story basically has two halves, and the first half ended up taking longer than I thought it would, and it seems this story will be longer than I thought (as usual). So anyway, don't worry, the real action will start in a couple chapters. (I promise).
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 9: Friends?
Beast Boy stood gawking outside Raven's door for the longest time. The hallway was now pitch dark, and shards of glass from the shattered light bulbs littered the floor.
"Wha-what just happened?" Beast Boy asked in a loud whisper. Truthfully, he didn't know. It started out with him trying to apologize to Raven and ended with them literally swearing in each other's faces! Never since they met had they gotten into an argument that vicious.
"Raven? Raven, I…" Beast Boy began, but it was useless. She didn't answer, and he knew she wouldn't speak to him. And trying to go in there now would be suicide. Defeated, he somberly walked to his room, not even bothering to step over the broken glass.
Back in the common room, now that the screams had stopped, everyone started breathing again.
"Is it over?" Jinx asked. Off to the side, Starfire by now had broken out in tears and was crying into Robin's shoulder. Cyborg, concern getting the best of him, got up and headed out the kitchen.
"Cy, where're you going?" Jinx asked. Seeing Cyborg leave, a teary-eyed Starfire left Robin's arms and followed him out.
"Star, wait!" Robin called, but she didn't stop. The alien and the metallic Titan headed to where the bedrooms were to see if the chaos had finally died down. The two of them reached the hallway just in time to see Beast Boy crossing their path.
"Beast Boy?" Cyborg asked.
"Friend?" Starfire asked in turn, but the changeling didn't answer. The two watched as Beast Boy, without looking up or saying a word, entered his room and closed the door. Down the hall, they could see that Raven's door was shut and there was no sign of the empath anywhere.
"Oh boy," Cyborg said. He and Star made their way back to the kitchen where everyone was waiting for them.
"Well?" Robin asked as Starfire went back to his arms.
"Yeah, it's over. They've both gone to their rooms," Cyborg said.
"Wonderful. At least we know they didn't kill each other," Jinx added sarcastically.
"This is bad. I don't think I've ever heard Raven and Beast Boy yell at each other like that," Robin said.
"And friend Raven said that she feels the hatred for Beast Boy. I have never heard her say such a thing about any of us!" Starfire said sadly.
"We should probably talk to the two of them. That is, after we've given them a couple hours to cool down," Cyborg suggested.
"Good idea," Robin said. Unfortunately for him, he was never really good at the whole 'reconciliation' thing.
"I shall talk to friend Raven later," Starfire said now that she had stopped crying.
"Star, are you sure?" Robin asked.
"Yes, Robin. I must be the one to do this. I am the only one friend Raven prefers to talk to in times such as this," she said.
"Okay," he said. Meanwhile, Eutonos wore an expression of the gravest concern. They had been yelling loudly enough for them to hear, and he clearly heard his name mentioned more than once. He couldn't bear the thought of them arguing because of him. He would have to get things straightened out with Beast Boy before it was too late.
As soon as Raven slammed her door shut, she sat down on her bed and buried her face in her hands. From outside, she could faintly hear Beast Boy's voice.
"Raven? Raven, I…" Raven didn't even bother to answer, and the long silence afterward indicated that he had given up as well and left. For a while she merely sat there, trying to get her emotions under control and prevent them from tearing her room apart. She didn't know why, but that argument had gotten to her more than any fight she had ever been in. When she felt moisture start to gather at the corners of her eyes, she took a deep breath and squeezed them shut to prevent the tears from falling. She would not cry, but there was one thing she knew – she had to meditate now.
Forcing herself to get up, she adjusted herself into her meditative position and floated upward. She closed her eyes and desperately tried to concentrate as she chanted her mantra.
"Azerath…Metrion…Zinthos…Azerath…Metrion…Zinthos… Azerath, Metrion Zinthos. Azerath, Metrion, Zinthos. AzerathMetrionZinthos. AzerathMetrionZinthos!"
Raven let out a frustrated groan and collapsed on her bed. It was useless. She instead decided just to lye back on the sheets, not even trying to stop the few tears that managed to leak out her eyes. She just didn't care. For how long she lye on her bed, she couldn't say. Finally after all that time, she sat up and looked around. There was only one thing she could think of doing now. Desperate, she walked up to her dresser and opened the drawer, pulling out a very familiar mirror.
"Here goes nothing," she said. Raven slowly chanted her mantra, and within seconds was sucked into the mirror.
Beast Boy didn't know how long he spent lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling. As hard as he tried, sometimes he couldn't stop the tears from falling down his face. He hated crying. He always felt like such a weakling when he did. A long time passed, probably an hour at the least, before he finally got up.
"Dude, what was I thinking?" he asked himself as he paced. "I yelled at her!" He tightly balled his fists and slammed them onto his desk. "Damn it!" he cursed. "Damn it, Beast Boy, you've really done it this time. Why are you so stupid?" Stupid could only describe his actions. If Raven didn't hate him before, she most surely did now. After thinking a bit, he decided maybe some music would help take his mind off this. He slowly walked over to his radio and turned it on. The first thing that came up was the rock station.
"I hate everything about you! Why do I love you?"
Beast Boy immediately switched the station, this time trying out the country station.
"One step forward, and two steps back! This kind of dance can never last…"
Beast Boy groaned and switched it again, this time to the 80's station.
"I could say day, and you'd say night, tell me it's black when I know that it's white. It's always the same, that's just a shame, that's all!"
"Dude, that's not funny!" he shouted at the device. Thinking maybe music wouldn't help after all, he turned the radio off. Beast Boy was about to sit back down when he heard a knocking at his door. Not in the mood to talk to anyone right now, he ignored it. The knocking came again, and Beast Boy turned angrily to the door. "Go away!" Whomever it was knocked a third time, and Beast Boy let out a frustrated sigh before finally getting up and opening the door. To his surprise (and disgust), he stood face-to-face with the Templar leader, Eutonos.
Not wanting to see him of all people, Beast Boy scowled at the green-cloaked mage. "Oh, it's you," he said flatly.
"Beast Boy, can I talk to you?" he asked politely. To Beast Boy's surprise, he looked very worried. Not really caring though, Beast Boy scoffed.
"Did Robin send you?" he asked accusingly.
"No, I came by myself."
"Good. Then you can go," Beast boy said. He started to shut his door.
"Beast Boy, wait!" he pleaded. "I need to talk to you! If I caused a problem between you and Raven-"
"It's none of your business!" the changeling yelled.
"It is my business when you two were fighting and I was brought up more than once!" he said firmly, but without raising his voice.
"There's nothing to talk about! Now go away!" Beast Boy said angrily. He turned around to walk away.
"Beast Boy, please! I don't want to make an enemy after only being here two days! If there's a problem, I need to know-"
Finally, Beast Boy had it. "Do you want to know what my problem is?!" he shouted while turning around. "It's because people like you get in the way every time! Every time I get closer to her, you always take her away from me!"
Eutonos was dumbstruck. "What are you talking about?"
"You know what I'm talking about!" Beast Boy shouted. His eyes were now starting to moisten again, but he refused to let the tears come. Almost in a rage, he grabbed the tall teenager by the collar of his cloak. "Every time, she treats guys like you with respect but treats me like nothing!" As much as he wanted to keep yelling, his voice started to soften with grief. "Every time I get my hopes up this happens. I try to get over her, but I just can't, and it's killing me!" A long pause followed.
"It's Raven, isn't it?" Eutonos asked. Defeated, Beast Boy nodded weakly as his grip on his collar slackened. Gently, the mage reached up and removed Beast Boy's hands from his collar. Just then, the realization dawned on him. "Beast Boy, is there something you want to tell me?" he asked softly.
"I don't know…" Beast Boy said, voice growing quiet. "This is just so complicated…"
"Slow down then," Eutonos said. "Here, maybe we'd better talk inside." The two of them entered Beast Boy's room and shut the door behind them. The templar took a brief survey of Beast Boy's room, taking note of the sheer amount of junk lying around. Slowly, Beast Boy sat down on his bed while Eutonos leaned against the wall and looked down at the shape shifter. Another uncomfortable silence followed.
"You have feelings for her, don't you?" Eutonos asked flat out.
Rather shocked by the question, Beast Boy found himself looking up unintentionally. "I…" He wasn't sure what to say. He knew what the answer was; he just couldn't really bring himself to actually admit it. He hadn't even flat-out admitted it to Cyborg, so he had no idea how he was going to tell it to a near stranger. Then again, if this was to be the only time he'd say it, so be it.
"Yes," he said.
Eutonos merely closed his eyes and nodded silently. "I thought so."
"You thought so?" Beast Boy asked startled. He nodded again. "Um, how did you figure?"
The hooded templar folded his strong arms. "Call it intuition, if you want, but even I couldn't help noticing those subtle moments and what you two would say about each other."
"Really? You mean, Raven talked about me when she was with you?"
"Not a lot. I'd ask her about all of you, but whenever you came up, she would become less talkative. Every time, I could see that faintest look in her eye that told no lies. And of course, what you would say about her in front of the others would eventually get around to me. So you can't say I didn't have anything to work with."
"Wow…" Beast Boy said.
"And you can stop worrying, Beast boy. Believe me, I'm not trying to take her away from you."
"No, it's not that," Beast Boy said. "I guess it's just that she was being so mean to me for no apparent reason and not to anyone else. Then she goes and seems to make friends with you instantly." He let out a long sigh. "I'm sorry. It's stupid."
"Why?" the earth mage asked. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, and even you aren't afraid to admit what a wonderful person she is."
"I know! But…just look at us!" he said. "We couldn't be more different if we tried! And I know Raven says I'm her friend, but sometimes she acts like this, and I can't help but think she hates me. I don't even know what to think anymore."
A faint smirk appeared on Eutonos's lips. "Well, I you can stop worrying about that, too. I can guarantee she doesn't hate you."
"Really? Why?" Beast Boy asked.
"Yes. I know you might feel like she hates you, but despite the insults she would throw at you when you were around, she never had a bad thing to say about you when we were alone."
"What? Really?" Beast Boy asked hopefully and in shock.
Eutonos suddenly stuttered. "Well, almost. She didn't hesitate to say you told horrible jokes, and that you could be annoying." Beast Boy looked down bashfully but couldn't help smirking. "But, other than that, in the few times we talked about you, she could never bring herself to say anything bad about your character, as a friend and as a person."
"Wow…" Beast Boy said. He couldn't believe it. Maybe there was hope after all, but then he remembered what had just happened earlier.
"So why don't you just tell her how you feel?" he asked.
"I don't know, Eu. Um, is it okay if I call you 'Eu'?" he asked. Eutonos chuckled and nodded his head. "Well, I want to tell her how I feel, but I just can't. I'm, well, scared." He gave a sad chuckle. "Kind of funny. Brave enough to face the worst villains but too scared to admit I like her. Ironic, huh?"
"Not really," Eu said. "Rejection by someone we think we love is something every man fears. It's not unusual. Sometimes the worst feeling is to love someone while knowing they don't love you back."
Beast Boy winced. "Love is such a strong word. I like her. I like her a lot. I might even…love her. But I don't know! It's just so complicated!" He groaned and put his hands to his head.
"Can you describe it to me?"
"Well…" Beast Boy blushed. "It's hard to explain. It's more than just a physical attraction, you know? I mean, she is beautiful, at least to me, but it's more than that. I like her as a friend, too, and sometimes I feel like I care about her enough to be my own sister. It wouldn't even matter if she weren't pretty, just as long as it was she. I'd do anything for her and do it again without thinking. She's…everything to me."
Eutonos smiled and leaned slightly forward. "I think that's love, Beast Boy."
Beast Boy's face grew redder, but he frowned nevertheless. "But all we ever do is fight. You saw what happened today. We barely get along most of the time. We're just too different for anything to work!"
"I don't think so," the earthmover said. "It's true that you're different, but just because you're so different doesn't mean you can't be together. No, I think you're biggest problem is that you two just aren't listening to each other."
"Not listening?" Beast Boy asked.
"Sure. Pride is a terrible thing, Beast Boy. It can even ruin a wonderful friendship like you two have. All good relationships are give and take. You have to give Raven what she wants and sacrifice some things you like, but she must be willing to do the same for you. And you both will have to listen to each other and to admit when you're wrong. Sometimes saying sorry can be the hardest thing in the world, but we all have to do it."
"But we fight so much," Beast Boy said sadly.
Eutonos smirked again. "That's why you have to start listening to each other. Look, no relationship is perfect – everyone fights, and I know you two go through it a lot. But as weird as it sounds, sometimes fighting can be a good thing."
"Really?" Beast Boy asked for the fourth time.
The mage nodded. "Yes. Being able to get along is always important, but fighting is where we resolve our differences. It's what makes a relationship stronger, and dare I say, it's sometimes essential. It's through fighting that allows us to understand each other and grow closer. It's just a matter of if you two can forgive each other in the end that really matters."
"Wow," the changeling said. "I never thought of it that way before, but it does kinda make sense."
"Mm-hmm. So, are you going to tell her how you feel?"
Beast Boy sighed. "I still don't know. It's so weird. With Terra, I couldn't wait to get together. With Raven, I'm so afraid. I just don't think I'm ready."
"Well, don't wait too long, Beast Boy. You never know when it's too late," he said.
"But what if she doesn't feel the same way? As a matter of fact, I'm sure she doesn't."
"How do you know? Do you know that for a fact?" Eutonos asked flatly.
"Well, I…" Beast Boy couldn't really answer.
"Beast Boy, let me tell you a story," Eutonos said as he leaned back against the wall. "It's a favorite of mine about a young templar warrior. When he was a child, he visited a neighboring village and met an amazing girl. The two had started out as friends, but as they grew they became closer, until the boy developed a crush on her. Unfortunately, his magical abilities were discovered when he was still a child, so he was forced to go away and train before he could tell her. However, in that time he was away, his feeling didn't go away as he thought it would. After years had passed, he finally graduated and returned home, seeking this girl. He found her, and she had grown as well, and the two became close friends again. He wanted to tell her his feelings, but he could never muster the courage. Maybe he was a coward, or maybe he was just foolish. He could have stayed, but he wanted to see how far his abilities would take him, so one day he set out with the army, leaving her behind. He would only be gone a few months, and he promised himself that he would tell her as soon as he got back. However, while he was still gone, a tribe of barbarians pillaged her village, plundering and killing whomever they could find. When the boy returned, he was horrified to find her village a smoldering ruin. Some people survived the attack, but many did not…including her. She was gone."
Beast Boy's jaw went slack at hearing the end. "Woah…" he said quietly. What a depressing story. It then occurred to Beast Boy that Eutonos had told the story with a lot of detail. When he looked up at the tall templar again, he was shocked to see tears starting to form in his eyes! Suddenly the realization dawned on him.
"Eutonos, was the boy…you?" he asked. He half-expected an angry response, but the mage merely closed his eyes and nodded his head. "Oh, god. I'm sorry…I don't know what to say…"
"You don't have to say anything. Look, I know we five templar all seem normal enough, but every one of us has been affected by one tragedy or another, as I'm sure you all have. I admit I don't like talking about it, but I told it to you for a reason – so you could learn. Learn from my mistakes, Beast Boy. I know it's hard, but you can't wait forever. Even if she doesn't love you back, at least then you would have the comfort of knowing how she truly feels about you."
Beast Boy couldn't think of anything to say. Instead, he nodded firmly. "Ok. Oh - hey Eu? I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier."
"It's okay. I'm just glad to help," he replied. Beast Boy picked himself off his bed, approached him, and extended a hand to him.
"Friends?" the changeling asked hopefully. Smiling, Eutonos graciously accepted and shook his hand.
"Friends."
"Oh, and not to flatter you or anything, but I can see why those guys chose you as their leader," Beast Boy said with a slight grin.
The Templar's smile grew wider. "Thanks." Eutonos finally removed himself from the wall and started heading for the door. Before he left though, he turned back to Beast Boy. "Alright. I'll leave you for now, but think about what I said. Don't be like me, Beast Boy. Don't live in regret."
With that, he was gone.
Raven walked through the familiar archway into the landscape of her mind. As usual, she was met with what Beast Boy called "Air Freshener Land".
"RAVEY!" a cheerful voice called. Raven looked to see Happy skipping toward her through the field of flowers. "Hi Ravey! What's up?" she asked joyfully.
"Do you come up with a new nickname every time I visit?" Raven asked dully. Happy only giggled in reply. "Anyway, I don't really have time for this. Where's wisdom? I need to talk to her."
"Oh yeah! She wanted to see you. She's in her realm! Here, I'll take you there!"
"Actually Happy, I think I can go myself-"
"Oh, don't be silly! It'll be fun! We can talk along the way and tell jokes!" Happy exclaimed. Groaning, Raven hesitantly complied as Happy grabbed her by the hand and practically dragged her along. At last they came to Wisdom's realm, and the two climbed the familiar mountain up to the top, where Wisdom was meditating. Like last time though, she wasn't alone. Knowledge, Rude, and Timid were there, as well as (to Raven's horror) the emotion formerly known as Affection.
"Look everyone! Raven's come!" Happy shouted.
"Greetings, Raven," said Wisdom. "I assume you've come to talk?"
"Yes," Raven replied. "Anyway…why are they here?" she asked, referring to all the other emotions.
"I called them all here when I sensed you were coming. Rage and Brave will be here soon, Brave just needs to escort Rage over."
"I see," Raven said. "Look, I need to talk to you about-"
"About your argument with Beast Boy, right?" Wisdom asked.
Raven closed her eyes as she rubbed her temples. "Yes."
"Hey guys, we're here!" shouted a voice. All heads turned to see Brave and a red-eyed Rage walking over.
"Excellent. Now we can talk," Wisdom said. "Now, I believe you had something to say?" she asked Raven.
"Yes. I need advice," she said. "I just…I don't know what to do."
"About Beast Boy? Well, I'm glad you came. You haven't exactly been using me lately," said Wisdom.
"But I don't understand!" Raven said suddenly. "I don't know why this is happening! I shouldn't have gotten so angry, but I did! I just don't understand why it…"
"Hurt your feelings so much?" Wisdom completed. Raven couldn't respond. "It's okay to admit he hurt you, Raven, and don't try to deny he did. But you have to admit you hurt him, too."
"But that's the thing!" Raven said. "I just don't understand why I'm doing it. I don't want to, but I just can't help it!"
"It's too late now," Timid moaned sadly. "He'll never like us ever again."
"You be quiet," Brave said. "You're part of the reason this happened in the first place! If it weren't for you, Raven wouldn't have been shunning Beast Boy like that." Timid sniffled and buried her face in her arms.
"Be patient, Brave," Wisdom said. "Yes, Timid certainly didn't help, but we're all to blame here."
"Well, you're no fun," Rude said.
"Beast Boy got what he deserved!" Rage yelled. "He's just lucky I didn't tear him apart when I had the chance!"
"You two especially have no right to point fingers!" Wisdom scolded. "Rude, you're the one who kept hurting Beast Boy's feelings for no reason. And if it weren't for you, Rage, Raven wouldn't have lost her temper like that."
"Enough!" Raven shouted. Everyone grew silent, leaving her to speak. "Look, I know I made a mistake, but why? Why am I doing this? Why did it hurt me so much?"
"Well Raven, perhaps one reason is because you're living in a state of denial," Wisdom pointed out.
"How so?"
"Well, obviously, you still have refused to accept your feelings about the changeling, and because of it you're going through great lengths to convince yourself you feel nothing. I can't say I blame you, though. You've never felt this way before, so you don't know how to deal with it. You instead deal with it the only way you know how – cruelty. And you direct it at the person you believe is the cause of it."
"Wait! Just what are you trying to say?" Raven asked.
"What Wisdom's saying is, you hurt Beast Boy's feelings as a defense mechanism!" Happy said brightly.
Wisdom nodded. "Happy is right. You've done it for a long time though, not just now. You did the same thing in Tokyo when you were jealous."
"I wasn't jealous!" Raven yelled.
"Yes, you were, Raven," Wisdom said back firmly. "I'm part of you, Raven. I can't lie. Look at yourself. You tell Beast Boy to grow up, but you can't even stop denying yourself. It's your fault this whole thing started, not Beast Boy's. Granted he didn't help, but you were the reason it happened."
Raven looked slightly taken aback at Wisdom's rebuke. She thought back to everything she did since her previous visit to Nevermore. All the shunning, the hard stares, the sarcasm, the insults – all directed at Beast Boy. It really was her fault.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for…this to happen," Raven finally said in a heavily defeated tone.
"Don't apologize to us, apologize to Beast Boy," Wisdom said.
"Well, he probably doesn't even want to talk to me right now. I can't say I'd blame him," Raven said sadly.
"This is all my fault," Affection finally said out loud. "I'm the one to blame. If I had never told this to Raven she would not have done any of this. She only did this because of me!"
"It's not your fault," Wisdom said. "If Raven can just bring herself to accept that she feels you, she can make this easier on herself."
Finally, Raven couldn't take it anymore. She strove up to "Affection" and grabbed her shoulders. "But what am I feeling?" she asked loudly. "What are you?"
"You know who I am, hon," the purple-clad emotion said warmly. "You just need to accept it."
"It's not like you haven't felt it before. You felt it once – with Malchior," Wisdom added.
Just then, the realization hit Raven like a sack of bricks. She felt like someone had just whacked her aside the head with baseball bat
"I…" Raven stuttered. "Are you saying that I…love Beast Boy?" she said quietly. All eight emotions, even Rage, nodded. Bewildered, Raven turned to the purple-clad emotion. "That's your name isn't it? You're…love."
"Yup, you said it!" Love said happily and gave Raven a quick hug. A little too shocked to protest, Raven looked at her.
"But...how is that possible?"
"Why is it so hard to believe?" Love asked innocently.
"Just…look at us!" Raven exclaimed. "We're as opposite as night and day! We barely even get along! We just had a yelling match, for crying out loud!"
"Yes, that's true," Knowledge interrupted, adjusting her specs. "But in the moments that matter most, you two have always set aside your differences and helped each other."
"But I do that with all my friends. Why Beast Boy?" Raven asked.
"Think about it, Raven," Wisdom said. "You two are opposites, but are you really so different? Both of you have a dark side. You both have difficult pasts. You both are worried sick about others being able to accept you for who you are, and you both put up a mask to hide your insecurities. Beast Boy uses humor; you use cruelty. And of course, both of you know what it's like to have your hearts broken. You say he doesn't understand you, but he probably understands you more than any person on the team." Wisdom trailed off at the last sentence.
"Raven, do you remember all those times you and Beast Boy have helped each other?" Love asked. "You with his Beast side and Terra, him with your anger and Malchior. Even when Trigon came, he was always at your side, trying to protect you. He cares about you so much, Raven, and you care about him. All those times you've felt worried about him for no reason whenever he was gone; every time you've felt a burning sensation in your chest whenever you look at him or think about him; and every time you've gotten angry with him for no apparent reason, especially when he gets hurt, they're all because of me. Even just two days ago, when he hurt himself for you, you couldn't stand it."
Suddenly, Raven felt guilty for everything she had said to him, and not just their previous argument. Every sarcastic remark, every insult came back to haunt her.
"Ever since he came into your mind the first time, you two have had a connection," Wisdom explained. "You've always looked out for each other. And I know you two are very different, but you need to understand it's sometimes a good thing."
"How?" Raven asked.
Wisdom silently approached Raven. "It's like yin and yang, Raven. He's everything you're not, and you're everything he's not, but that's what lets you come together. Separated, you two are fragmented. But together… she paused and smiled for dramatic affect, "You complete each other."
"Besides, even you have to admit he's a real cutie," Love said, nudging Raven with her elbow.
"He is not," Raven said while blushing furiously.
"See, you're blushing!" Love teased. "You think he's hot!"
"No, I don't!" Raven yelled. She cleared her throat and tried to regain her dignified poise. "He's green, he has pointy ears, plus he's scrawny."
"I guess that's why you were staring at him during that last training session, right?" Love prodded.
Raven's blush grew, and she became noticeably agitated. "I was just…I was just watching to see if he was improving!"
"Yeah, even when he wasn't doing anything, right?" Love shot back. Then, she put her hands to her cheeks again and blushed. "Besides, even you have to admit he's not as scrawny as he used to be. God, I'd love to see what those new muscles are capable of…"
"Okay, let's stop talking about that!" Raven said before Love could go any further.
"Alright, let's stay on track, here," Wisdom said. "Look Raven, I know you two fight a lot, but I know you don't like to. Deep down, you both really care for each other," Wisdom said. "Beast Boy would do anything for you, and you for him. Isn't that true?"
Raven felt like her entire world was crashing down. She suddenly felt so vulnerable, and yet, she suddenly felt more secure. Like a load had been lifted off her shoulders. She wanted to say no, but she couldn't lie, no matter how hard she tried.
"My God…" Raven said softly, eyes widening slowly. "I really do love him."
"That's better," Love said warmly. Beaten, Raven could feel her knees weaken, and she leaned against a tree for support. For a while, Raven stared silently at the ground, letting the realization slowly sink in. Finally, she lifted her head to face the others.
"So, what happens now?" she asked with a barely visible smirk.
"Well, I think you'd better think about this in the meantime," Wisdom advised. "When you're ready, I think you'd better apologize to Beast Boy and tell him how you feel."
"No! We can't tell him! That would draw attention to us! Please, no…" Timid begged.
"Hey, what did I tell you?!" Brave scolded.
"Oh Azar, I don't think I'm ready for this," Raven said. "Besides, I think it's safe to say he doesn't like me. All we ever do is fight."
"Then you'll just have to work on that," Wisdom said. "You can start by being kinder to him and listening to him more often. I know he can be annoying, but that doesn't excuse some of the things you do to him. Plus Raven, you are a real hypocrite sometimes. You say Beast Boy doesn't know anything about you, but you don't know anything about him. Tell me, how much do you know about his past? Where he grew up? Who his parents were? Beast Boy already knows that about you."
As much as Raven had to admit it, she was right. She really didn't know a lot about Beast Boy at all.
"But even if he feels the same way, how could I make this work? My emotions could go running haywire! You know how I am!"
"Yes, we all know. We are you, after all," Knowledge said. "But Trigon is dead, Raven. You can feel now. And even when he was alive, your feelings for Malchior didn't hurt anyone."
"Malchior was…an exception. How do I know the same thing will happen here?" Raven asked.
"You'll just have to trust us," Love said. "Just trust me, trust yourself, and we can do this."
"I don't know…" Raven said. She still couldn't quite get over this. "I'll need to think about this."
"Then we'll let you do that," Wisdom said. "You can go now, but think about what we've said."
"Wait, before you go, say it," Love said teasingly.
"Say what?" Raven asked, the signs of annoyance now in her voice.
"You know what I'm talking about!" Love winked suggestively at Raven. A vein throbbed in Raven's forehead as a brief urge to wrap her hands around the emotion's throat passed through her. She couldn't believe she was being asked to say this. Then again, she knew it was pointless to say 'no'.
"Alright. Beast Boy's…hot," Raven said.
"THANK YOU!" Love shouted, giving the empath a rib-crunching hug. When she finally finished, Love gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder.
"Now go get 'im, Raven!" Sighing, Raven looked one last time at her emotions.
"Thanks, everyone. I'll see you later," she said to all eight emotions.
"Farewell! And don't forget what we've said!" Wisdom called as she walked away.
At last, Raven emerged from the mirror and into her familiar, dark room. With a sigh, she put her mirror away and closed the drawer. She quietly strode toward her bed and lay down on the soft sheets, staring at the ceiling.
"Well, this just got a whole lot more complicated," she said aloud. Giving a deep sigh, she let a sad smile form on her face. "What am I going to do now?" Part of her wanted to tell Beast Boy, but another part of her was still afraid to go to him. As she lay there thinking, her thoughts started to drift. She soon found herself thinking about all the good memories she had shared with Beast Boy. All the laughs, the talks, and even the occasional hug (vast majority of which were started by Beast Boy). When they weren't fighting, they really were the best of friends…
A soft knocking at her door awoke her.
"Friend Raven? Are you in there?" Starfire's voice came in from outside. Raven blinked and glanced out the window and could see that it was getting dark out. Somehow she had actually fallen asleep while thinking about him.
"Raven?" Starfire called again. "May I please speak with you?" Getting up, Raven went to the door and opened it. A very worried Starfire looked down at Raven in concern. "Friend Raven, are you okay?"
Despite herself, Raven managed a slight smirk. "I think I'll live. What do you want?"
"I was just wondering if you would be willing to do the talking with me, Raven. That is, if you are not still angry."
"I'm still a little agitated, but I've calmed down." Raven motioned for Starfire to come in, and she shut the door. "So, I assume this is about earlier today," she said as Starfire sat down on the bed with her.
Starfire nodded. "Yes. The others are very worried, friend Raven. You and Beast Boy both yelled at each other rather viciously."
Raven nodded. "Yes, I know. Me and Beast Boy didn't exactly keep our heads level."
Starfire looked earnestly at the mage. "Friend Raven, in the years we have been friends I do not believe I have seen you and Beast Boy act like that toward each other. The others and I fear that this may have compromised your friendship."
Raven sighed. "I know, Star. I can't say I blame you. Beast Boy and I both said some pretty terrible things."
"Raven, before you stopped yelling you said that you feel hatred for friend Beast Boy. Is that true?" Starfire asked, concern filling every word.
Raven could feel her guilt resurfacing. Slowly, she shook her head. "No, Star. It's not true. What I said…was out of anger, and nothing more. I just wasn't thinking about what I was saying."
"Then you really do care about friend Beast Boy?" Starfire asked hopefully.
Raven sighed again. "Yes, Starfire. I do care about Beast Boy." She left it at that, not really wanting to bring up her newfound affection for the changeling so soon.
"Friend Raven, sometimes for us Tamaranians, when we are confused or scared about our feelings for someone, it leads us to anger and doing things we would not normally do. I believe you humans do the same thing."
"I know," Raven said softly. "Wait, what?"
"I believe, friend Raven, that in the past two days you have treating Beast Boy so badly because inside you were confused about your feelings for him. You do things you don't wish to do and say awful things you don't really mean," Starfire explained calmly. It was just what Wisdom had told Raven, in so many words. Did Starfire really suspect that Raven had feelings for him, too?
"Yes…I think you're right," Raven said.
"Are you going to be okay, Raven? Will you be able to resolve this by yourself?" Starfire asked her.
"I think so Star. Thanks a lot, though. I really appreciate it."
Starfire nodded and smiled faintly. "Very well. Friend Raven, you care very much for Beast Boy, and he cares for you as well. I do not think he would do anything to deliberately hurt you in anyway."
"I know, Star," Raven said softly. "I know."
"You must not let a disagreement such as this ruin your friendship, Raven. If you can still work this out with friend Beast Boy, I suggest you do it as soon as you are able."
"I think you're right," the half-demon said.
Starfire smiled. "Very well. I shall leave you for now so you can think about this. If you ever wish to do the talking though, please do not hesitate to ask me."
"Okay. Thanks again, Star."
"You are welcome. Farewell, Raven." Starfire got up and left the room, leaving the empath alone once again. While she was brooding over what to do next, she glanced over and happened to notice the vase holding the flowers she had received a few days ago.
Getting off her bed, she walked over and noticed that the flowers were starting to wilt. Raven couldn't believe she had forgotten about them. She had neglected to take care of them, and now they were starting to weaken. Making sure no one saw her, Raven brought the vase out and refilled it with water before putting it back on her window sill. Maybe they'd still be able to recover after having been neglected. Maybe her friendship with Beast Boy could do the same.
"Only one thing left to do now, I guess," Raven said. Swallowing her pride, Raven drew her hood over her head and left the room. Floating down the hall, she came to the familiar doorway and stopped right outside the entrance. Gathering her courage, Raven nervously raised a fist and lightly tapped on the door.
"Beast Boy? It's Raven. Can we talk?"
(whew) Sorry about the looong chapter, but I had to try to fit all this into one chapter so things could get moving in the next one. In the meantime, don't forget to review!
By the way, so someone doesn't sue me, the songs in this chapter were (in order): "I Hate Everything About You" by Three Days Grace; "One Step Forward" by Desert Rose Band; and "That's all" by Genesis. (All great songs, I might add!) And no, I don't own them!