Author's Note: Fair warning - this chapter is pretty much crack. I don't know where it came from or even wtf it is. Regardless, it amused me so I thought I'd share!

Summary: Alex is having a bad day.

II. Three

Alex was not having a great start to her day. Her alarm hadn't gone off, leaving her a good twelve minutes behind schedule. She had been so exhausted and distracted the night before that she apparently hadn't remembered to make sure it was set (as she did every other night).

She likely wouldn't have woken up until much later if it hadn't been for the bongos her upstairs neighbor insisted on playing whenever "the great muse rained down inspiration for some real ethereal shit" (his phrasing, not hers). She wasn't sure how bongo music could ever be considered ethereal, but regardless, it happened, she hated it, and if she hadn't been mildly thankful for him waking her up when he had, she might have gone up there to threaten him with a weapon. It was just that kind of day.

Yes, okay, it was only twelve minutes, but still she had a very specific morning routine, a very specific timetable. Kara called it her "start of the day OCD"... which it wasn't, because Alex didn't have OCD. She just liked things to be simple and predictable when she was only partially functional.

After evaluating the tasks she had to do and the remaining time she had to do them in, she'd come to the conclusion that she was going to have to cut short her shower and eggs were off the table, toast only. Not a happy compromise, but it was one she could (begrudgingly) live with.

Of course, it was shortly after that when she'd discovered that the hot water heater had finally given up the ghost, leaving her shower cold. No, not just cold, but ice cold… a realization that had then gotten Foreigner's "Cold As Ice" stuck in her head. "You're as cold as ice. You're willing to sacrifice our love," she sang in a rather angry, off-key manner at her shower until it occurred to her that she was being insane and she stopped. Needless to say, the time she had allotted herself to spend in the shower was cut considerably shorter.

At least eggs were now a viable option, she considered as she grumpily wiped the droplets of freezing misery off of her skin with a towel and got dressed. She applied a very subtle, very "I work for a government organization and don't want to be too fancy because I need to be taken seriously by my male peers" dusting of makeup and ran a brush through her hair. "Good enough," she muttered before heading for the kitchen.

Rule of Three. She wasn't sure where the thought had come from, but now that it was there, she couldn't help but ponder it. She didn't generally think too much (or at all) on such nonsensical things, but in this situation, with two down, she couldn't help but wonder what else might be in store for her.

There is no scientific evidence to prove that the Rule of Three actually exists, logical Alex presented.

No, but what if it does? off-schedule and still-cold Alex countered.

Alex narrowed her eyes as she dumped the coffee grounds and water into the maker, flicking it on.

Would the elevator be out and she'd have to walk down eleven flights of stairs? Was her car going to have a flat? Perhaps a hostile alien force would invade Earth!

Or maybe—

She opened the fridge, reached inside, and froze.

Oh no.

Oh God.

It was happening. It was in effect —the Rule of Three— and it was so much worse than she would have even thought to consider.

No, no, no, no, no.

She was out of creamer. She shook the bottle to be sure. It was definitely empty. Her delicious fat free hazelnut creamer — gone. All gone.

She could have sworn there had been some left from the morning before. She supposed it was possible that she'd somehow made a mistake, things had been particularly hectic recently, but at the same time, she was generally so very careful.

She usually had her morning rituals down to a science, exact measurements of creamer and all. She did it that way so that she would always know when to buy more. Most peculiar of all, she never would have put an empty bottle back in her fridge. She was very confused and more than a little distraught.

Little known fact about Alex Danvers was that she could not function at all in the morning without at least one cup of coffee (usually two), but she also couldn't drink said coffee without her specific creamer. During the day or into the night, she could drink it any which way, she didn't care, but in the morning, it had to be specific. It had to be perfect. It had to be—

There was a knock at the door. Alex turned and frowned at it. She should answer it, she knew, and normally she would, but she was grumpy. Really, whoever was on the other side was better off without her answering. They might be inconvenienced by her silence, but they would keep their heads.

"Alex, open up," a voice called through the door. Kara.

Alex remained unmoving.

"I know you're in there," the younger Danvers sister sing-songed. "I can see you." The last part was said in a slightly-muffled whisper as if Kara were pressing her mouth against the crack of the door so that no one else would overhear.

Rolling her eyes, Alex finally crossed to the door and pulled it open. She was greeted by the far-too-awake, smiling face of her little sister. "Morning!"

Alex squinted an eye. "Why are you here?" was her immediate response to Kara's chirpiness.

"I'm here because I am kind and thoughtful and I come bearing gifts." With a flourish, she pulled out from behind her back a 32oz bottle of Coffee-mate's Fat Free Hazelnut creamer. "Ta-da!"

"Oh my God, I love you," Alex gasped. Kara beamed, clearly missing the fact that Alex was actually talking to the creamer.

Alex immediately took it and cradled it to her chest, like Gollum holding the One Ring. My preciousssss… "You are forgiven," she tossed over her shoulder as she turned and headed toward the the kitchen.

Kara held up a questioning finger. "There was a point when I wasn't?" Then she frowned, shutting the door and quickly following after Alex. "Wait — what am I even being forgiven for?"

"For keeping me up."

"I didn't."

"You did. You called me."

"At like nine-thirty!"

"Precisely, and you were lamenting. For a long time. Not that it wasn't a lament-worthy situation..." It definitely was — most of situations Kara got herself into were. Poor thing just seemed to be a magnet for misfortune. "I'm just saying, I can't hang up when you're lamenting. Makes me feel guilty."

Of course, Kara's misfortune was balanced out in a way by her genuine sweetness. She was like a puppy, an adorable, super-powered puppy. When she was sad, everyone was sad and no one could say, "I can't listen to your lamentations, Kara, because I really need to sleep," or "Sorry, can't be your shoulder to cry on at the moment, I'm trying to defuse an actual bomb." There was no escaping it. Even over the phone, Kara and her puppiness just grabbed a hold of Alex each time and demanded, in the sweetest, most earnest way, that she make everything better for her little sister.

Kara frowned slightly. "It wasn't really for a long time… was it?" she asked. "Did I really keep you up?"

Alex looked over her shoulder at her sister and saw the hurt puppy emerging in Kara's eyes. She immediately felt guilty. Dammit. She sighed. "No, no it's fine. I'm just grumpy."

"I see that. Start of the day OCD issues?"

The guilty feeling was replaced by long-suffered irritation. "I do not have OCD."

Kara laughed. "Ooookay."

Rolling her eyes, Alex turned back to her coffee pot and tapped her fingers anxiously against the counter as she waited for the elixir of life to finish brewing. When the little green light stopped blinking and the liquid stopped pouring from the spout, she snatched the pot up and immediately poured the coffee into her Disappearing TARDIS mug. It had been a "just because" gift from Kara and it was her favorite.

She measured the tiny bit of sugar and the perfect amount of her precious creamer into the steaming coffee, swirling it with a spoon until she was satisfied that it was properly mixed. She lifted it to her lips and inhaled deeply through her nose, savoring the delectable smell. She was so ready for this.

She took a careful sip and dear Lord, it was amazing. She could instantly feel herself becoming human once again.

She opened her eyes and saw Kara staring at her. She lowered the mug from her lips. "Did you want some?" she asked.

"Nope. Nope, that is all yours."

"It's okay if you—"

"You're probably not aware of it because you're in that weird trance you fall into when you get your first taste of coffee each day, but you're literally standing there in front of the pot like a mama bear, positioned menacingly on her back legs, protecting her cubs. No way I'm coming anywhere near that."

"Fair enough," Alex replied after a beat. She didn't even bother adjusting her stance, just continued to enjoy the revitalizing brew.

Until something occurred to her.

"Wait, how did you know I needed creamer?" She eyed her sister suspiciously.

Kara averted her gaze quickly down to Alex's counter where she flicked crumb of something off of the otherwise pristine surface. "Well, you see,... it was like…"

"Kara…"

"I… may have used the last of it yesterday morning when I was over."

"I knew I had left some in the bottle when I put it back!" She hadn't been going crazy after all.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I meant to fly to the store and replace it before you even noticed, but then there was that huge pile-up on Main and the… thing with James and Winn and my stupid mouth and I—"

Alex waved her off, the caffeine finally working its magic and her threshold for forgiveness rising. "It's fine." She smiled softly, taking yet another sip. "I really do appreciate you bringing me the creamer. You saved my life."

"More like I saved everyone else's lives," Kara teased. "No one, not even the Fort Rozz aliens, deserves to experience an un-caffeinated Alex Danvers."

"You're a brat," Alex groused, narrowing her eyes and pointing a finger at her sister.

Kara laughed. "A brat who delivers."

At least that much was true. Alex softened and smiled once more. "Every time," she agreed.

That drew a sweet, almost bashful smile out of Kara. "Speaking of deliveries, lattes don't magically appear on bosses' desks, so I have to fly." She hugged Alex quickly then headed toward the door. "Dinner tonight?"

Alex nodded. "My treat."

Kara grinned. "Love you!" and once Alex had returned the sentiment, the younger Danvers sister was out the door.

Alex finished her coffee and everything else she needed to do before she finally headed out herself.

Rule of Three? Pfft. No such thing, caffeinated Alex proclaimed and even paranoid Alex seemed to agree. Her lack of creamer hadn't been a third because, of course, Kara had been there to save the day, and now that she was fully caffeinated, Alex was more than willing to bet the other issues she'd had hadn't been one and two either.

She stepped outside and breathed in the brisk winter air. As she approached her car, she was pleased to see that all four tires were still intact and even though she was still running a few minutes late, she wasn't bothered. She was feeling good. She was feeling energetic, and light, and ready to start the day.

And she was also feeling her feet suddenly flying out from underneath her.

She landed on her back with audibly thud and felt all the air rush out of her lungs at once. She wheezed.

Black ice.

Because, of -freaking- course.

A/N's: I'm sorry about that one. Seriously, as I said at the top, I have no idea where it came from. I just had this weird imagine in my brain of Kara at Alex's door, pressing her mouth against the crack, like little Anna in Frozen during "Do You Want to Build a Snowman?"... I don't know. So bloody random, haha.

The next two scenes (which will be in a single chapter) will NOT be crack at all. Tissues might even be in order. You have been warned.