Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, or any of its characters.
Summary: Sometimes the choices we make lead us down a path we don't expect. She chose to leave his side, and he closed off his heart to the world. Now she is back, and he is the only one that can save her. Can he move past his pain to help her? Or will the consequences of their choices prove to be too much to bear?
Rating: T for language and alcoholism.
*Note, in response to a review: This story was previously posted on Dokuga under the same penname.
The night held a slight chill on the air, despite the fact that it was in the early throws of summer. It was late, at least midnight. It would probably have been best if he just stayed at the hospital, but he needed the air. Hojo had not stayed much longer after his statement, not that Sesshomaru wanted him to. He had been so lost in his thoughts he had not even know the man left until he heard the click of the door. For hours Sesshomaru had stayed in his office, trying to sort his thoughts.
Sesshomaru released a most undignified snort. The past few months he had morphed into someone entirely unrecognizable. It started when she had won the gold medal. Seeing her face everywhere, all over the news, on every magazine, it had destroyed the control he had thought he mastered. And then when the rumors of her engagement, followed by the confirmation of the engagement reached his ears, his emotions seemed to take full control of him.
He paused at a park, deciding that he was not yet ready to retire to his condo. Nearly collapsing on a bench in a secluded part, he leaned back and gazed at the dark sky. If he stared long enough, he was sure to see at least one star poke through.
"Let him go to change the world, huh?" He muttered to himself. Is that what she expected of him? How the hell was he supposed to change the world? He was hardly a part of it anymore. Since she left, his world seemed void of anything. How was he supposed to change the world when he didn't have one? "Pathetic." He murmured once more. He closed his eyes, giving up on trying to find any stars. This damn city seemed to swallow them all. As he relaxed back, a memory surfaced, one that took him by surprise.
"What are you doing here?" Golden eyes, so much like his own, met his. Sesshomaru's father gave him a roguish grin.
"As welcoming as always, I see. I would have thought by now Kagome would have instilled some manners in you." Sesshomaru narrowed his eyes. He made his way inside his apartment, which now needed a new lock. He didn't bother closing the door, if he had his way his father would be leaving shortly.
"Do you have a purpose for trespassing?"
"It's not trespassing if I pay for it." Toga reminded his eldest son before taking a seat on the sofa. His expression went from friendly to stern so quickly that Sesshomaru almost felt shocked. Almost. "Were you not going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?" He played it off easily. He knew why his father was here, and he did not wish to discuss it.
"I got a call from your admissions councilor. He says you turned down acceptances to some remarkable medical schools. Oxford, the one you have been aiming for since you entered high school. Even schools in America want you."
"Your point?"
"Sesshomaru, it has been your plan to become an Oncologist since you were seven. Are you telling me that all of a sudden, that goal just disappeared?
"Yes." Toga stood, his eyes narrowing as he faced his son.
"Do not lie to me. You worked yourself to the bone through high school, through preliminary university to get accepted to these schools. Now you are just throwing it away? Why?" Though his tone was not loud, it still held an edge of scolding.
"Things changed." What more could he say? If he accepted those offers, he would need to leave. He couldn't leave Kagome.
"It's Kagome, isn't it?" Toga's voice lost a little bit of the edge, but Sesshomaru could not help but still feel as though his father were disappointed.
"Her mother's health, it is not in a good place. Travel is not an option. She relies on Kagome."
"Kagome is a wonderful girl, but this is your future. You, you are gifted. This is your calling. This is what you were meant for. Don't throw that all away."
"You threw away much more for Izayoi." Sesshomaru threw back. Toga stiffened.
"And I regret it. I regret what I did to your mother. I regret that I wasn't there for her when she became sick. I regret that more than you know. I am here urging you not to follow in my footsteps."
"I'm not. I do not follow another's footsteps. I make my own choices. And I choose Kagome. My goals be damned, my career be damned. They don't matter." Sesshomaru all but snarled at his father. Toga straightened, a disappointing look crossing his face.
"You are so much more than you are becoming. So much more."
His eyes slide open, the memory so vivid he could feel the anger still surging within him. His father denied ever speaking to Kagome, and so Sesshomaru had quickly forgotten their conversation. But if he thought back, really thought back, it was around that time that Kagome began acting differently. Had his father lied to him? No, he wouldn't have. His father was many things, but never a liar. He was honest to a fault. So what, then?
Perhaps it was simply that Kagome had heard that he declined to attend the universities he had once told her earnestly that he wished to attend. Would she end everything if she thought it were better for him? He felt a bitter laugh lodge in his throat. Of course she would. She always cheered him on, always told him he would go on to do wonderful things. But didn't she know that all of it meant nothing without her? Didn't she know how much he loved her? Did he not show that to her?
"Idiot." He cursed. Though he was not sure if he were the idiot, or her. After all, he didn't fight for her. Two weeks after she left, he accepted the offer to Oxford University. Three months later he left without as much as a word to anyone. Why hadn't he fought for her? Was it because deep down he wanted this path, this career more than he wanted her? His heart revolted the thought almost as quickly as it came to mind. No, no that was not the reason. Why then, did he not fight for her? There was only one thing that he could think of.
He was a coward.
Love, Caleesci