Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns all things LOCI. I'm just borrowing. I promise to return all characters unharmed - mostly. Maybe a little shaken up but nothing to scar them permanently like oh, shall we say Untethered?
A/N: This one gets more serious but then we do have to scare Bobby out of his isolation. ;-) Thanks again to gorengal for her marvelous beta work.
A LOCI Christmas Carol
A Frightening Look at the Future
Bobby stared in disbelief as he saw the solemn face of ADA Ron Carver standing before him. Carver nodded. "Nice to see you again, Detective," he said with his mellifluous voice. "I've been waiting for you."
Bobby felt a knot in his stomach. Just like old times. Carver had a way of being incredibly intimidating. "Ah...Mr. Carver, wh...what...why..."
"Surely you've figured this out by now?" Carver said. He favored Bobby with a smile.
Coming from anyone else it might have been reassuring, but from Carver it just made Bobby more nervous. "You...you're going to show me...my...my future?"
"Very good, Detective." Carver stepped aside and gestured at Bobby's apartment door. "After you."
If this is a damn dream why can't he open the door? Bobby pulled his keys out of his pocket.
Carver smiled again. "I'm just trying to maintain a sense of decorum."
Bobby unlocked the door and stepped inside. "Movie time again?" he asked as he saw Carver settle on his couch.
"No, but I was told you aren't fond of being dragged all over New York City on Christmas Eve so we're staying right here." Again, Carver smiled. "I must say it's good to see you again, Detective. Especially now that I finally know something you don't."
Bobby recalled at least two incidents where he made an end run around the ADA, and in both cases, Carver was livid. Suddenly he discovered he now missed Ross. "So...what now?" he asked timidly.
"It's time to take a look at the consequences of your self-imposed isolation," Carver replied.
"It's not self-imposed!" Bobby yelled once again. "My mother passed away, my brother fell of the wagon, my father may or may not be a serial killer/rapist and Eames seems to always be upset at me!"
Carver raised a brow. "Really? So she invites you to spend Christmas with her because she's upset with you?"
"No! She...she feels sorry for me!"
"So her confession to her sister that she was upset because you weren't there told you nothing?" Carver leaned back on the sofa. "I thought you were much brighter than that, Detective."
"I thought she felt sorry for me. I didn't know...she really wanted my company."
Carver shrugged. "You're not making a very good case for yourself. You just admitted your isolation is self-imposed. You declined Detective Eames' invitation. You didn't have to be alone."
"Fine! You win! Now what have you got for me?" Bobby asked, his anger successfully subduing his fear.
Carver smiled. "All right." He stood up and moved next to Bobby. Suddenly the walls of his apartment dissolved and they were standing in a dark alley. A short distance away, Bobby could make out two figures hovering over something.
"What's going on?" he asked nervously.
"Let's find out." Carver motioned for him to go ahead.
Preparing himself for the worst, Bobby slowly proceeded down the alley towards the two figures. As they drew closer he could make out what it was they were hovering over. It was another figure lying on the ground. They were going through his pockets. Bobby felt a lump in his throat. He knew who it was without even looking. Taking a deep breath he looked down and stared into the cold, dead eyes of his brother Frank. He was much older but Bobby could still recognize him.
The taller of the two men who were going through Frank's pockets pulled out a worn and creased snapshot. It was a picture of Bobby and Frank when they were children. Frank had his arm around Bobby's shoulders. It was the same picture their mother had sitting on the nightstand in her room.
"Must be Frank and his kid brother," the other man said as he looked at the photo, which was promptly returned to the pocket from which it came.
"He had a brother?" the taller man asked.
"Yeah, but they weren't on speaking terms. Guess Frank finally got on his brother's last nerve. He hasn't seen him in years."
"His gloves look kind of new." The man pulled off his gloves and put them in his own pockets.
"Hey! Put that back!" Bobby yelled.
Carver touched his arm. "Remember..." he began.
"I know! He can't hear or see us," Bobby said angrily.
"Think we should tell somebody?" The shorter man asked.
The taller man shrugged. "Nah, tomorrow is garbage day in this neighborhood. Someone will find him then. I don't want anyone to know where the gloves came from."
Both men stood up and looked at their fallen friend one more time before they turned and left.
"What is the purpose of showing me this?" Bobby yelled at Carver. "It doesn't make any difference if we spoke until the day he died because he wouldn't have changed! It's not my fault! He was a drug addict. I'm amazed he didn't kill himself with drugs years ago!"
"He died of exposure, Detective. He wasn't taking drugs anymore. Frank did fall off the wagon a few more times after you last saw him, but he finally managed to get clean," Carver informed him.
"Then why is he lying dead in an alley?"
"He was homeless and he was suffering from Alzheimer's. He got confused and wandered off. This is where he lay down when he was too tired to continue wandering the streets to find the shelter."
Bobby felt the sting of tears as he gazed down at his brother's face. Damn it, Frank. How did we get to this place? I was so angry at you. I resented you. But I never wanted you to die like this.
After a few moments, he felt Carver's hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Detective, but we must move on."
As Bobby followed Carver out of the alley, the buildings dissolved once again and they were now standing on the porch of a brightly decorated house. Colorful lights were strung up around the windows. In the large picture window Bobby could see a tall Christmas tree decorated with blue and silver ornaments. Suddenly the front door burst open and several young children came running out the door into the snow-covered yard where they began the task of building a snowman.
"Where are we?" Bobby asked.
"The home of Detective Eames' nephew, Nathan," Carver said. "Let's join the festivities, shall we?" He held the door open for Bobby. "After you, Detective."
As they stepped into the middle of another happy Eames family Christmas, Bobby immediately searched the room for Alex. While there was no sign of Alex, he did recognize her sister Vicky who held a curly-headed child. She laughed and handed the child to a blond young man who looked very familiar.
"That would be her nephew," Carver answered his unasked question.
"So where is she this time?" Bobby asked.
Before Carver could answer him the front door opened and in walked Alex, carrying two bags of presents. She looked amazing. There were a few more creases in her brow, but other than that she still had her slender figure, her honey brown eyes still sparkled when she smiled and her laughter still made him smile no matter how miserable he might be.
"Aunt Lexie!" the blond young man called out as he and Vicky greeted her with a hug.
"I'm just glad I made it," Alex said as she handed the bags to her sister and took the curly-headed child from her nephew. "I didn't think I was going to make it out of Chicago."
"Chicago?" Bobby asked, looking at Carver for an explanation.
"She travels a lot for her job these days. Detective Eames left NYPD at the same time you retired. She went to work for a private security firm as a consultant since retirement wasn't something she thought suited her. Apparently going home to an empty house was bad enough. She didn't want to spend all her time there."
"So she's happy, right?" Bobby asked hopefully.
"Let's find out," Carver replied, following Alex and Vicky out of the living room into the kitchen.
"So how long are you home for this time?" Vicky asked as she poured Alex a glass of wine.
"Probably until after the New Year at least." Alex took a sip of wine and sighed. "It's nice to be home for a while."
"Finally getting tired of all the traveling?"
"Not really. At least I'm never bored."
"Well, we miss having you around, sis."
Alex gave her sister a hug. "I miss you guys, too."
"So why don't you just retire for good? It's not like you need the money."
"And what do I do when I retire? Take up knitting? Bake cookies?" Alex shook her head. "I never was any good at that sort of thing. Sitting at home alone all day isn't my idea of how I want to spend my time, Vicky." She took a sip of wine. "Besides, when I'm on the road I don't have time to think about...well, I'm just too busy to think about much else except work."
"You still think about him, don't you?" Vicky asked. "That's why you feel this need to keep moving and to get out of town so much."
Alex smiled sadly. "Pathetic, isn't it?"
"Infuriating is more what I was thinking," Vicky said angrily. "I know you can't help how you feel about someone but really, Alex, you put up with so much crap from that man. How can you still care about someone who doesn't even seem to care about himself?"
Alex shrugged. "It's more complicated than that, Vicky."
Vicky rolled her eyes. "Oh please. Bobby Goren isn't that complicated. He's just bound and determined to be miserable and in the process he has absolutely ruined your life because he can't stop feeling sorry for himself."
"What?" Bobby's voice rose. "I am NOT!"
"Detective, you know they..." Carver began.
"Yes, I know! And I also know that I'm really starting to dislike Alex's sister!" Bobby grumbled.
"Don't go there, Vicky." Alex took another sip of wine. "I really just want to enjoy this Christmas and the New Year. It's been a couple of years since I was home for both."
"And again, it's all his fault!" Vicky continued, disregarding Alex's request. "If he didn't treat you so badly..."
"Vicky! Stop it. He didn't do any of it to hurt me," Alex argued.
"Whether he did it on purpose or not, he still hurt you. I would like to personally slap some sense into the man." Vicky finished her wine in one swallow.
"What did I do?" Bobby asked Carver. I would never do anything to hurt Alex!
"My understanding is that you broke her heart, Detective," Carver replied in a tone that indicated he wasn't pleased.
Bobby stared at Carver in disbelief. "How...what...I would never do that!" He moved towards Alex. "You know I would never..."
"Stop. I mean it," Alex warned her sister once again. "You can't be angry with someone for how they feel. You can't make someone care about you if they don't. I've accepted it and moved on."
"You haven't moved on, Alex. You've been running away," Vicky said sadly. "And quite frankly, I've always suspected he loves you, Alex. He's just too stubborn to admit it."
"Then it really doesn't do me any good to keep thinking about it, does it?" Alex said softly as she took Vicky's hand. "I appreciate your concern, sis. But getting angry doesn't really make anything better. It just makes a person bitter and I don't want to be bitter."
"Well, you're not bitter, but you have to work so hard at not being depressed, Alex. It's not fair." Vicky pulled her sister into an embrace.
"I'm hardly depressed. I have a lot of regrets and I wish things turned out differently but I'm okay."
"I guess I'm just upset that you're not here more than you could be if that arrogant jackass you called your partner weren't so..." Vicky began.
"Vicky, you have to stop saying horrible things about Bobby. You know they're not true and you know it only makes me want to argue with you."
Vicky sighed. "I'm sorry. They are true, but I don't want to argue with you."
Alex took Vicky's hand. "Come on, enough about things we can't do anything about. Let's go see what Nathan and little Lexie are up to."
The two sisters left hand in hand.
Bobby stood staring after them in dismay. She thinks I don't care about her? How could she think that?
"You told her yourself when you kept turning down her invitations to lunch and dinner after you left the NYPD. She wanted to keep in touch with you but you kept pushing her away. After a while she just stopped." Carver sighed. "And now it's time to move on."
Bobby didn't want to move on but before he could protest, the walls of the kitchen dissolved and he found himself standing in his living room once more. For a moment he was relieved that the evening was finally at an end. That moment was shattered when he saw a man enter from the hall and lower himself onto the sofa. It took a moment for Bobby to realize he was looking at himself. He was completely gray now and he had a full beard and mustache. He looked old. Old and tired. There were dark circles under his eyes and deep creases in his brow.
"So this is what happens to me?" he said more to himself than to Carver.
"Yes, it is. Pretty sad, don't you think?" Carver asked.
Before Bobby could answer the phone rang. And it continued to ring as Bobby watched his future-self pick up a book and ignore it. The answering machine finally picked up.
"Hey Bobby, it's Alex. Alex Eames. I was thinking about you and thought I'd call to wish you a Merry Christmas. I know it's been a while but...I also wanted to remind you my invitation still stands. Take care."
"Pick up the phone and call her!" Bobby yelled out of frustration. He glanced at Carver. "Yes, I know he can't hear me. But why is he so stubborn?"
Carver smiled. "That's a question you have to ask yourself, Detective."
Bobby shook his head. "No, this is not right. I would never ignore a call from Alex!"
"It's the life you chose for yourself. You had a chance to change it but you didn't." Carver pulled the collar of his black cashmere coat back up and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Well, it's been an enlightening evening, Detective. It was nice to see you again, but now it's time for me to go."
"Wait! This is like the movie, right? I can change all this, right? I mean...this is not the way I want things to turn out!" Bobby said as he grabbed Carver's arm. "Tell me I can fix this!"
Carver patted Bobby's hand sympathetically. "I'm sorry, Detective, but I really have to go now."
"But...wait!!!" Bobby called out as Carver and his future-self dissolved and he was left standing alone in his living room.
tbc...