**I'm so sorry it's taken so long to update - the holidays really took up a lot of my time. I know things may seem just a little slow here - and I'm sorry if they do - but things will pick up shortly. I hope you all approve; let me know of any discrepancies. Thank you so much for all your kind reviews!**
...
"After that night, Sesshomaru and I became lovers. At any possible moment, we stole outside to the edges of the forest surrounding the Western Palace, where there were few guards. A few times, Sesshomaru even had the nerve to bring me to his bedchamber. Though be both knew it was likely we would be caught, we couldn't keep away from each other. We spent every spare moment drinking each other in.
During that time, he even almost became... sentimental. He would catch my gaze, and though he never smiled, I felt the pleasure in his eyes. He once even gave me a petrified flower he had found at the edge of a forest. This stunned me - Sesshomaru never gifted anyone anything. It was then that I realized how much I meant to him.
One day, a few seasons after our affair began, I was walking down a hallway in a part of the palace rarely used by anyone. It was ancient, and was mostly used for storage. I was looking for a scroll that Inukimi-sama had asked me to hang in her room; she had not seen it in ages and wished to look upon it again. I was sorting through the many artifacts, when I heard a conversation in the hallway.
"Sesshomaru, you are as aware as I am that there is no alternative." This was spoken by the Inu no Taisho. Inukimi-sama stood at his left side. Sesshomaru was facing the both of them.
I knew that whatever was being said was not for my ears, but I had no desire to be found anywhere near the most important people in the Palace during an intense conversation. Luckily, my aura is somewhat small and easy to hide, and I did so immediately while slipping behind a large painting that easily covered me. I couldn't help but overhear the rest of what was said.
"I can think of many alternatives, Father," Sesshomaru stated in his matter-of-fact way. "Why do we need to forge an alliance with this clan? You know as well as I do that they care nothing for anyone but themselves."
"Which is precisely why we need them on our side. Of course, they are not very strong, as a whole. But there are many of them - and your betrothed is by far the strongest of them all."
"And related far too closely. The daughter of Mother's brother? We're not mongrels, father. We are Inuyoukai."
At this, Inukimi-sama said coldly, "Watch your tongue, my son. This is how things have been done, since our race was created. Your father and I are cousins, are we not? We would not have produced you otherwise."
"Something I appreciate, surely," Sesshomaru said with acid in his voice. "We are going to become a much weaker race if this continues for another generation. Look at the Tanuki."
The Tanuki clan was once large and powerful, and prolific. However, for many generations, they bred father to daughter, mother to son, and even brother to sister. They have dwindled since, and are much less formidible than they once were.
"So what is your suggestion?" The Inu no Taisho asked.
"Allow me to wed Inuyuki instead," replied Sesshomaru. He sounded disinterested as usual, yet still my heart skipped a beat.
His parents gasped audibly, something I had never heard before or since. Their silence was palpable for at least a few seconds.
"The dog-breeder?" asked Inu no Taisho. "Impossible."
"How so?" Sesshomaru asked, clearly annoyed. "Her talents are at least as great as Inuchiyo's. Her beauty is far greater. She may not be an excellent fighter, but her qualities of defense and healing are unmatched. I'm certain you also noticed that she has something else no other living youkai has." When he said this, I was intrigued, though I didn't understand why at the time. "By a genetic standpoint, she is the superior choice. And you are fully aware as to why."
"Do you hear yourself?" asked Inukimi-sama, who was clearly becoming angry. "She is the daughter of a simple mountain youkai! Her family consorts with humans! I rescued that child simply so that I could keep her from such an awful upbringing. I owed that to her mother. Her family has nothing to offer us!"
"You mean, nothing you care to use," Sesshomaru observed.
"Don't be a fool," sneered the Inu no Taisho. "Everyone in the Palace is fully aware of your new pastime involving that girl. Your mother and I certainly don't care about it in the least - as long as you bring about a legitimate heir from Inuchiyo. After that, you can fill your bed with whomever you wish."
"Are you suggesting I copy your habits, Father?" Sesshomaru said impertinently. This had gone too far for the Inu no Taisho.
"Let me remind you, my son," he said, "That without my protection and strength, your life here would not exist. If you wish to keep it, you will follow my demands."
"Who said I wish to keep it?" Sesshomaru asked rhetorically, turning on his heels and walking away. His parents looked at him in disgust for a moment, before Inukimi spoke.
"I don't know what has gotten into him lately. He has become entirely too hard to handle!"
"It's that third cousin of yours. The one from the mountains," growled the Inu no Taisho. This was enough to stand my hair on end and nearly let my presence be known. I had to concentrate in order to suppress my aura. The Inu no Taisho terrified me; I had no desire to anger him.
"And this is her fault?" Inukimi asked. "I think not. Sesshomaru has taken her; the girl has no choice in the matter. Don't you attempt to chase her off," Inukimi warned, an edge to her voice. I was surprised, yet thankful, that she had the courage to stand up to him.
"Inuchiyo and her family arrive in the next change of seasons. Sesshomaru will simply have to accept his fate. As we did." He gave a sidelong glance at Inukimi-sama.
Her look to her husband was cold, and resigned, as she said, "Yes. I suppose he shall have no choice." Her voice was distant, and somehow sad.
...
Sesshomaru and I met that night, as we did most evenings, on the edge of the forest. Our favorite meeting place was covered in fine moss, and surrounded by maple trees so ancient and huge that no one could remember when they were saplings. Small mushrooms and flowers grew on the floor. It was my favorite place in the whole world.
I found him standing at the root of one of the ancient trees, its autumn leaves falling in stunning colors. They swept around him in circles, making him seem even more magical and otherworldly than he was.
"You heard what was spoken earlier today, did you not?"
I blushed immediately, somewhat annoyed to be caught. "How did you know? I hid my aura."
"Of course you did. But you can't escape me. I can always feel you." He walked slowly toward me, and put one of his lethal, yet gentle hands upon my face.
"Did your parents feel my presence?" By now, I was terrified that I would be summoned before them in humiliation.
"Most likely. I have a feeling, however, that what they said to me was something they wished you to hear."
"What do you mean?" I asked, genuinely confused.
"Do you need me to spell it out for you?" he said, sounding almost contemptuous. "They were hoping you would hear, and leave." He looked at me, long and hard.
"But how could I?" I asked. "I could never leave you."
He looked at me, expressionless. "Couldn't you?"
"Never."
"I seem to remember a small youkai-child who wished to see her father again. You no longer have that wish?"
"No! Maybe I once wished to go back to my home, but that was a century ago. Before I knew you. Before my life became worth living." I could barely believe what I was saying. Years ago, I would have given my eyeteeth in order to go home. As it was, I had no desire to do such a thing. It is amazing indeed how a heart can change in a short time.
Sesshomaru paused, for a long time, staring out to the sky, as you know he often does when he is pensive and indecisive. "My bride will be coming in a short time. I have no intention of changing the way I behave toward you. But she..."
"Shall most likely treat me poorly. I know." I had never interrupted him before, but to my surprise, he said nothing. I decided to say what I knew needed to be said. "I think that my visit to my father should happen in the next season."
He turned and looked at me, and something flashed in his eyes. "Temporarily?"
"Perhaps..." I said, "And perhaps not." I couldn't believe that these words were leaving my mouth. I had no desire to leave him; but I knew that maybe it was best for both of us.
"I don't care what my parents think. Their idea of "pure blood" is just as archaic as human nobility. Don't let them chase you away."
"I have no option, and you know it. Your father more or less hinted that I am fair game for anyone as long as I'm here. I don't wish that."
Amusement faintly showed on his face as he told me, "Indeed, you would have been fair game from the moment you arrived here. Make no mistake, my father had his eye upon you. It was I who insisted that you remain untouched."
I froze with fear upon hearing this, though I knew it to be true. I had felt the Inu no Taisho's eyes linger upon me, especially as I reached my teen years. "How could you dare to flout your father?"
This left my mind as he gently grabbed my wrist, pulling me toward him. "I wanted you for my own." And that was all he had to say. He stayed with me the whole night, which was something he had never done before.
And I was glad of it, for the following day, Inuchiyo arrived.
...
The next morning, I was overseeing the breeding of a particularly combative bitch to an overzealous young stud dog. Few youkai had the stomach or nerve to deal with such a situation, but I was insistent that these two be mated, so it fell upon me to see it done and deal with any fights involved. It took the whole morning, and by the end, the bitch lost an ear and the dog had a deep gash in his side.
As I was cleaning his wound, I heard a great commotion outside. After I finished, I went to see what all the fuss was about. The kennel master, Kuji-san, was standing out, looking at the sky.
An incredible sight awaited my eyes. Over a hundred youkai, in their most formal clothing, were flying across the sky. A great carriage, made of bone, white and polished, was pulled by two steeds with flames coming from their feet and nostrils. In front of the procession were generals in their most ornate armor, and behind it were handmaidens, all wearing seven-layer robes. It was a formal procession, a very specific one.
It was a procession for a noble youkai bride, being brought to her new husband.
I stifled the cries inside my heart; instead, I rushed to the castle, knowing that Inukimi-sama would be wishing for my presence immediately. I would, of course, be expecting to attend her as her highest ranking handmaiden. And I had to rush to make myself presentable.
Of course, there is no "quick" when dressing oneself in formal wear, but I did manage it remarkably fast, though I worried greatly about my appearance. I felt much better, though, when I walked down the hall to Inukimi-sama's chambers, where my lady was incredibly flustered, attendants following her everywhere, with her barking out orders.
"Not that robe, Izukiyo! I wore that last week! Oh, whatever shall I do? A mother-in-law cannot look shabby when meeting her daughter-in-law for the first time!" I knew that her eyes brushed mine as she said this, but I remained stonefaced as I suggested, "Perhaps the green one with the fighting dragons?"
"Of course, Inuyuki, that is the best choice. You always have the most exquisite taste." We dressed her as hurriedly as possible, with her still looking at me strangely. As the two of us went out to the hall, for a moment alone, she said, "I expect you to keep yourself composed."
"Of course, Inukimi-sama." What else could I do?
"I know that it can be hard - heartbreaking, even - to accept the way our clan rules. However, the power that the Inu no Taisho has acquired must remain ours, at all costs. Our feelings are always secondary." At this, she looked down momentarily, then turned to me and said, "We will go now to the main hall."
As we got there, I noticed that the Inu no Taisho and Sesshomaru were already present, in their most formal attire as well. Sesshomaru looked as passive and annoyed as he always does. And the Inu no Taisho looked stern and powerful, as he always did. As Inukimi-sama came in with me and her other handmaiden, the Inu no Taisho glared at us. Actually, it felt as though he were glaring at me, warning me to behave. I found this strange, since I always composed myself completely in the presence of of others.
The procession walked through the door - first, Inuchiyo's father, then her mother, and her six brothers, five of them older than her, one of them younger. The youngest one was called Inukaito, he was a small, though formidable youth.
And then she entered, and a sigh was heard throughout the room.
Inuchiyo was lovely as a song. Her hair was long - so long, in fact, that it almost touched the floor. It was silver, like most youkai, but it also had a blue hue that made it stand out, and shine like starlight. Her face was so angular it was nearly catlike, and she had no visible youkai-marks. But for all these other beauties, nothing could compare to her eyes. They were the color of deepest violet, and so large they seemed to take over her face. If you glanced upon them, you felt as though you could be lost forever in their depths. She stepped forward, surrounded by her family, and knelt before the feet of the court.
My mind was lost as her father, mother, and brothers offered her to the Inu no Taisho as a daughter-in-law; I can't even remember what was said. I spent all my energy on containing my composure, and barely even saw as she and Sesshomaru were, for youkai purposes, married in the great Meeting Hall. All emotion swept from me as I saw him take her hand.
...
Some weeks later, I was alone in the kennels. I spent all my time there, even sleeping in the straw with the dogs, like a common human peasant. No one said anything; whether it was out of pity or embarrassment, I'm not sure. All I knew was that I would betray myself if I should happen to run into Inuchiyo. Perhaps that's why Inukimi-sama let me alone and never called for me.
I was awakening, and pulling straw out of my hair when I realized that Inuchiyo was there, looking at me with her vast, violet eyes. I was completely startled - she was fast indeed if she could sneak up on me like that!
She looked at me, kindness in her eyes, and said, "Do I have the honor of meeting the venerable Inuyuki?" Her formal tone and address surprised me nearly more than her sudden appearance - I was only a lowly maid.
"Yes, indeed, you do, most honorable lady." I bowed, as low as possible.
"Oh, that isn't necessary!" She said, grabbing my arm and pulling me up. "I don't know about you, but I'm tired of all this courtly behavior. It somehow doesn't seem natural for Inuyoukai, does it?" She sighed, clearly at unease with her new surroundings, though I could tell that some of her "unease" was skillful play- acting. Why is she pretending to be so cordial?
"My family is from the south, and we are a warring clan. My father and brothers are unmatched in skill by any but the Inu no Taisho - and that is why they married me to his cold, heartless son." She saw me stiffen at these words, and her beautiful eyes suddenly looked cunning for a slight moment.
"So it is true! He has taken you. I thought so, but I couldn't be certain." She looked me up and down, as though for the first time. "I overheard your mother's maid talking about it to the gardener - but I never would have imagined it!"
At first, her statement irritated me - was I that ugly to her? However, after looking at my image as we passed the ponds, I could see why - I was covered with straw, in clothing that hadn't been tended to in weeks, as though I were in mourning.
"If this is the case, I have a question for you," she said, kneeling down by the pools, and motioning for me to do the same. I dared not refuse, though I had no desire to, so I lowered myself to the grassy ground. "My lord and I have not yet consummated our marriage. Every night he comes to my chamber, and he speaks to me of such boring things! But he won't touch me. How is it that you are able to get him to... lie with you?"
My blush must have been more intense than normal; she gave me a strange look. "What is the matter? You're a maid; he's the master. His taking of servants is to be expected. I often pity the servants in my own house, for I have so many brothers and not nearly as many maids as there are here."
"Well, Inuchiyo-sama," I said, the honorific somehow sour in my mouth, "I grew up quite differently."
She looked at me, interested for some reason. "Really? Where do you come from, if not the Palace?"
I then told her the story of my life, omitting much of that which occurred in the Palace. She listened with intense interest, especially when I spoke of my parents. After I finished, she said, "You must have been so homesick, growing up here. Don't you miss your father?"
"Yes, of course," I said, "Though I haven't seen him in so long. I've become used to my life here." I knew this to be somewhat true, though I had thought of my father often of late and wished to see him. I simply didn't have the heart to tell Sesshomaru-sama, but I did wish to leave for a while. Being at the Palace hurt too much.
Straightening herself, Inuchiyo said, "Well, am I lady of the house now, or not? I can grant you the permission to visit your family. After all, as you said, the hundred years that Inukimi demanded of you are up. Why don't you go visit your father? I would be more than happy to accompany you. I need to leave this place, as well."
"But," I said, "Aren't you forbidden? You've barely been married a season."
"I don't care," she replied, with surprising disinterest. "Sesshomaru is away, and there is nothing to do here. Even if he were here, he would take no interest in me. I will bring my brother Inukaito along - he can assist us as necessary, if we encounter aggressive youkai. Meet me here this evening. I can't wait to get to know you better!" She said, and walked quickly back to the Palace - barely stopping to look at me.
That was strange, I thought. Why was she wishing to travel with me? And why did her actions seem so - unnatural? I knew I could detect some slight animosity in her demeanor - after all, my greatest strength as a youkai was perception, as well as healing. However, it was well-veiled. Perhaps she was irritated at Sesshomaru-sama, and not me. That would certainly make sense.
I wasn't sure I wished to travel with her and her brother, but I really didn't have much choice. Unless Sesshomaru-sama specifically forbade it, she could do as she chose to me - including take me away from the Palace.
I wished deeply to say goodbye to Sesshomaru-sama, but I knew he would forbid me from leaving. My heart broke, but I thought that maybe after I left, his life could continue without me. After all, I could never give him a legitimate heir - what good was I to him, other than a plaything?
I met her that evening, clad in plain, simple travel attire. Inuchiyo, however, was beautifully adorned in her Palace finest. Her brother was behind her. Inukaito was very unnerving - his hair was white as snow, as well as his skin. His eyes, however, were completely black, dark as night. They seemed to take up his entire face. He also had a figure-eight mark on his forehead. I never heard him speak. He only looked at me - strangely.
"Of course you've met my brother, Inukaito, yes?" She asked. "Good. Let's depart."
Against a cold feeling in my veins, I left the Palace with Inuchiyo. However, I didn't fail to notice that Inukimi-sama was watching shrewdly as we departed.
...
It's difficult to explain to a human how we traveled from the Western Palace to the actual human world. Let's just say that it isn't exactly on the ground, but isn't quite in the sky, either. It is something you can find only if you already know where it is. I don't know quite how long it took - but I do know that when we finally hit the forest floor, I was relieved. We were near my home, and I could recognize the smells. Now that I had actually decided to leave the Palace, I could see just how much I missed my former life. I was beginning to believe that maybe it would be better both for Sesshomaru and for myself to be parted - at least for a time.
As we came closer to the village, I could sense something evil emanating out of it - something that wasn't right. All the huts were empty, though fires were still smoking within. The oxen, horses, and chickens were all gone from the fields, as though spirited away. It was rice-planting season, and there were small bundles of rice plants strewn pell-mell in the fields. There wasn't a soul about the place. But that wasn't the thing I was worried about most.
I could sense what had happened before I entered my father's small hut. All the same, I was devastated to see his head severed from his body, his heart staked, and sutras plastered all over every inch of him. Humans. He had been killed by the very thing he had loved.
What I found out later was that Inuchiyo's older brothers came to the village, expertly disguised as humans. They claimed that my father had attacked a neighboring village, killing its children. Of course this wasn't true, but they brought very convincing proof of a child's body that had been raked by the claws of an Inuyoukai. The villagers had loved my father, but they still feared him, all the same. That night, they had hired demon-slaying monks to destroy him. Afterward, believing the village to be cursed, they took everything they owned and left.
Of course, I didn't shed tears - an Inuyoukai would never do such a thing. However, the urge to do so hit me hard.
"Well, there is the proof, Brother," Inuchiyo said, standing at the door. I had nearly forgotten about the two traveling with me - and the change in their auras was concerning. Of course, I had known that Inuchiyo was no friend of mine - and that she had some ulterior motive for joining me in my journey. But I still had no idea just how cruel and twisted she truly was.
"Proof of what?" I asked, not understanding.
"Go ahead, brother," she said, as though I hadn't spoken.
I knew the attack was coming, and I was able to block him multiple times. Inukaito, however, has superior speed - in those days, he was even faster than Sesshomaru-sama. He eventually grabbed my wrist, and overpowered me. To my shock and complete shame, he tore my kimono open easily, then opened his own. He began to defile me, right in front of his sister, who continued to speak, and actually addressed me as though I were standing next to her, having a normal conversation.
"Oh, did I forget to answer you? So sorry, Inuyuki. You see, your emotions are... so unusual for a Inuyoukai, or a youkai of any kind. You feel sadness, pity, and even regret - things a true Inuyoukai never know. I am surprised that you haven't yet figured out that you have a soul." She looked down at me with distaste, as her brother grabbed my hair and bit into the flesh on my neck, an act reserved for Sesshomaru-sama.
This statement shocked me less than it should have. I had always known I was different - as a child, I had felt pity for a human baby, cast out by her mother for having a hare's lip. I was able to heal it, and I found her a new home with an innkeeper and his wife who were unable to make babies. I always tried very hard to save runt puppies - something hardly anyone would dare to waste time on. And I certainly had regret for not visiting my father before his untimely demise. Yes, I had always known that I had a soul.
"The thing is," she continued, pulling that long bone dagger that you, Rin, know all too well, out of her kimono sleeve, "Youkai aren't supposed to have souls. It's said that those of us who do are both more blessed and more cursed. More blessed with power, of course, but also cursed with unhappiness. But those who choose to kill youkai with souls can inherit their strength - if it's done right." Her brother, spilling his seed all over me as though I were a whore, quickly robed himself once more, and moved out of her way, while continuing to hold my wrists down. I was naked, defiled, and disgusting.
"This blade was made from the shin-bone of my great great grandfather - it's been on this planet for longer than humans have. When I kill you with it, it will loose your soul, which will never have the chance to go to the Underworld. You'll be stuck here, mourning your pathetic life, forever. And after I burn your body, I will get all the youkai powers you have."
I looked at her impassively. "Why?" I asked. She didn't answer. That's it. I thought.
"Why, you ugly, jealous bitch?" I asked. "Was it not good enough for you that you took my lord from me, when you didn't even want him? I can see more than you imagine - perception is my specialty. You don't love him. You don't even want him. You want his power. Because you haven't any of your own." Years of restraining myself from speaking harshly to those dominant over me simply swept away. I no longer cared - and realized that all along, I hadn't cared at all, and simply thought that I had.
Inuchiyo simply answered by stabbing me unceremoniously in the stomach - just as Sesshomaru-sama walked in the door. As I felt the life draining out of me, all I could feel were his eyes upon mine, changing swiftly to a glowing red.