Chapter 7 – Magically Delicious.
Sneaking through the kitchen, Snake had a chance to peek over into the cafeteria where the hostages were being kept. Six of the mercenaries keeping everyone under control were wearing powered exoskeletons and carrying AA-12's. They seemed bored. Their exoskeletons looked substantially upgraded from the kind Snake had encountered during the Big Shell Incident. Fighting them without an AA-12 or a M249 would be difficult. He didn't plan on doing so.
The hostages were seated at the tables and looked comfortable. None of them had been injured. A few were eating and they were being treated well, which was a slight relief. Snake left the area and continued towards the garage. The commons area of the base was quite lavish for a top-secret research facility. A notice on a bulletin board caught his eye. They were planning on taking an entire day off today, which must have been a part of Big Boss' plan. John Carpenter's The Thing was to be shown, followed by Dreamcatcher, 30 Days of Night, and Whiteout. The director of their facility had a splendid sense of humor.
About the only thing that put him off was the sudden appearance of an abundance of motivational posters in the hallways. Snake could barely go three feet before being told by a kitten that he was the only person who could make himself happy. While next to a pair of restrooms, Snake noticed that a guard patrolling the lobby was coming his way. He ducked into the ladies room quietly and became one with the wall while the dot on his radar screen went into the room reserved for men. The dot in the garage hadn't gone anywhere. Snake knew better than to hope that it was Big Boss, but did so anyway.
The remainder of his trip to the garage was uneventful. Rather than trying to figure out why, he was thankful for the lack of security. Snake reached his destination. The heavy red door looked relatively new and opened without a single squeak. Whoever had been in the garage last had turned out the lights. Snake switched to night vision and proceeded with extra caution. It was possible that he was walking right into a boss fight. Every shutter leading outside had been closed. Trucks, jeeps, forklifts, and a few snowmobiles cluttered up the area. Judging by how many crates and containers there were, the base had recently received an influx of supplies.
Snake put his back up against the wall, assimilated the pattern that the concrete had formed, and stood still. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. A bright ball of light shot up into the ceiling. Snake managed to look away just in time to avoid being blinded. The goggles automatically detected that too much light had been exposed to the lenses and switched to thermal imaging. Snake turned off the filter and could clearly see most of the garage under a mysterious orb that burned with the intensity of a welding torch.
Shadow Raccoon emerged from behind a crate marked 'toilet paper' directly underneath the orb, chuckling to himself. He was dressed in the same manner he had been while visiting Snake's house with the rest of his crew. Shadow must have taken great pride in the fact that he had cut off his own nipples because there wasn't that much muscle on his torso. He reached into the brown bag at his side and pulled out a handful of dirt. Shadow extended his right hand towards Snake and opened it up.
"Vas Flam Hur," Shadow Raccoon said.
A fireball shot out of Raccoon's palm. Snake hadn't been expecting that, but still managed to sidestep the approaching projectile. The fireball struck the concrete wall behind him, exploding on impact. A smoldering black hole had been left where it had hit. Snake's suit absorbed the residual heat, but he could still feel a great amount of warmth on his body. Shadow laughed as Snake admired the black smear on the wall.
"You seem impressed. Do you know what this is?" Shadow asked. "It's magic."
Knowing where it had come from made it less mysterious. Snake already knew how to win in a fight against Raccoon. Snake shot a single bullet into the pouch on Shadow's side. Ginseng, spider webs, and several other ingredients spilled out onto the floor. Shadow stared at the mess in shock for a moment before finally letting out a squeal.
"My. . .my reagents!" he shouted. "Do you have any idea how long it takes to get that bag ordered just right?"
"Call Anna and have her take me to Big Boss or I'll knock you out and cut off a couple of your fingers," Snake said.
Shadow grabbed a few lose goodies and swung his fist in Snake's direction.
"Corp Hur!" Shadow shouted.
A burst of wind engulfed Snake's body. Thousands of tiny invisible needles went right through his armor and pierced his skin. Snake shook himself to try to get the spell off his body, but it did not work. Shadow took this as an opportunity to run away. Through sheer force of will, Snake still managed to fire a bullet that struck Shadow's left calf. Shadow collapsed, cried out in pain, and crawled away into cover.
The wind dissipated, but the pain it had caused continued to linger. Shadow was on the loose, but Snake could not stop himself from taking a short break. If this had happened ten years ago, he would have bounced back from the attack much quicker. A ration would have been heavenly at that moment. He dragged himself to his feet since he wouldn't get anywhere standing still.
Snake took a quick look at his radar to see if their scuffle had alerted any of the guards. This had never happened to him in the past and now was no exception, but it was better to be safe than sorry. The dot that should have identified Shadow had conveniently disappeared. Snake hit refresh to no avail.
"Do not make me come over there," Snake said.
He winced in pain. There were a few times in his life when he wondered what it would be like to be sucked into a tornado. He was certain that Shadow had just given him a better idea.
"Hey, stupid," Snake said. "If you aren't going to follow orders, I am going to assume that you aren't working for Big Boss, which wouldn't surprise me. That being the case, I'm going to stop holding myself back."
Shadow didn't respond. Snake decided to kill him rather than incapacitate him. The world would lose its only crazy wizard, but it had been through worse. Blood had been spilled by the wound Snake had given Shadow. The trail ended abruptly behind the crate he had seen Shadow duck behind. Some moss and a couple of green mushrooms were on the floor. His CODEC buzzed and answered automatically.
"I see that you have encountered Shadow Raccoon," Naomi said. "As I'm sure that you have already noticed, he seems to be able to turn potpourri into magic. He does have the ability to heal himself, so be careful."
"Where's Raiden?" Snake asked.
"You're not staying focused. Shadow has no real military training. He could not join any branch of the army due to health issues, but then he suddenly appeared in a fringe military group wielding the powers that he has now."
"This is just a shot in the dark, but I'm guessing that he didn't pass his psych eval," Snake said.
"Precisely," Naomi said.
"And yet fate saw it fit to bestow magical powers on him."
"Are you jealous?"
"Yeah. A little."
Years of tactical espionage action let him know that somebody was trying to get behind him again. Snake spun around and saw Shadow coming at him with a small dagger. He fired three bullets into Shadow's chest. The man exploded into ground cinnamon. It had only been a decoy. Snake decided to gamble with his life again and broke from cover. There were plenty of places to hide in the garage and Shadow evidently had enough mulch to keep playing tricks on him.
He ducked behind a truck with a covered payload, hoping to hear anything that might indicate where Shadow was camping. The sound of something scraping in the hidden confines of the truck bed had him ready for anything other than what happened. An empty cardboard box came flying out at him. The box swallowed his head and began trying to devour him with its flaps. Shadow had cast a spell that had enabled an inanimate object to have life and in doing so had inadvertently allowed Snake's worst nightmare to come true.
Snake stood his ground, grabbed the cardboard box by one of its flaps, and hurled it away from him. Once the cardboard box hit the ground, it began heading towards him again. Snake shot it once where he imagined its heart would be and it fell over on its side.
"An Xen Por!" a familiar voice shouted.
Snake turned to face the back of the truck in time to see a purple ball shooting out of it. The ball struck Snake directly in the chest. He was immediately paralyzed. Even breathing was impossible. Shadow Raccoon emerged from the back of the truck.
"I had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but there's no denying the fact that you're better at fighting than I am," Shadow said.
Any second now, the spell would wear off and Snake would turn Shadow into paste. This did not feel like certain death. Shadow reached into his left pocket and pulled out a handful of mulch.
"They said only a clone of Big Boss would stand a chance against him in a fight," Shadow said. "How laughable. If you can be beaten by my magic, then I'm sure he can as well. Neither of you are tough. You're just lucky."
It seemed unlikely that Shadow would be stupid enough to monologue for longer than his spell would last, but Snake was hoping he was just that dumb. Snake's lungs begged for air and his consciousness was beginning to wane, but he was still alive.
"Fortunately for you, I didn't have enough material to make the spell I put on you last very long, so I don't get to watch you die slowly. Unfortunately for you, I have just enough ingredients for one more spell that will kill you immediately."
Snake saw something move near the edge of where the magical light could reach. Somebody else was in the room with them. He could give no indication that he noticed this, which was fantastic since Shadow was too absorbed in the moment to know that someone was sneaking around in the shadows. If it was Raiden, Snake would never live this down. Shadow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of mulch.
He barely got one syllable of his spell out of his mouth when he was tackled to the ground from behind. A blonde woman wearing only a black sports bra, army fatigues, and a pair of boots was on top of him. With unnatural speed and viciousness, she slammed Shadow's head into the ground repeatedly to soften him up and keep him from struggling. A sick crack emitted from the struggle when his skull was fractured. Though she clearly weighed less than him, she worked quick enough to overpower any advantage he could have over her. The woman pulled his head back, revealing the extent of damage she had done to his face. Shadow's throat bulged forward. With one hand ending in five sharp fingernails, she tore out Shadow's throat.
The spell on Snake finally wore off. He dropped his rifle, fell to his knees, and gasped for breath. The magical light died, plunging him into darkness. Though spots were dancing before his eyes, Snake grabbed his rifle and switched his night vision on. The woman had disappeared. Shadow gurgled as he bled out on the floor. Snake put a single bullet through his brain, ending his misery. His CODEC chirped, signaling an incoming message. Snake accepted the call.
"Snake, listen carefully." Noami whispered hurriedly. "You're dealing with a real psychopath here."
"Really? I'm shocked."
"That's Mary Sue. She was kidnapped at a young age and sold as a sex slave to a man in Switzerland. She managed to escape into the mountains shortly before she reached her destination and wound up bonding with a group of wolves. When the men she had escaped from came looking for her, she killed them with the help of the wolves. Since then, she has mainly stuck to preying on people who exploit children."
"She sounds classy."
"Fine, we'll go with that. Do you remember Raiden's high frequency blade? Her fingernails and her teeth are made out of the same material. They can cut through almost anything. She is also able to regulate her adrenaline and deliberately attacks her targets like a wild animal."
The radio squelched as static burst through it.
"Mary Sue has a particular interest in the Eurasian wolf," a new voice informed him. "They tend to adapt to humans much better than other wolves."
Snake blinked and tried to figure out who was talking to him. Whoever it was, the man sounded like an animal expert. It had been ten years since he had worked with one of them on a mission. The memories of poisonous Zanzibar hamsters came back to him all at once and he knew who was speaking with him.
"Yosef Nordon?" Snake whispered in disbelief.
"That's me. I changed my name to Johan Jacobsen, though." Johan, who had formerly been Yosef, cheerfully explained.
"You're not even a part of this mission! How did you get my frequency?"
"Well, I sort of kept it all these years and you never had it changed," he said submissively. "I'm pretty lonely."
Snake ended the transmission manually and switched off his CODEC. This wasn't the first time he had been trapped in a dark room with a crazy woman. Her approach to Shadow had been completely silent. Being too good for guns, she would try to get around him or attack him from the side. Somebody needed to tell her that carrying flash bangs or throwing knives would make her a lot more deadly, but then she would fight like Vamp and nobody he knew wanted to be like that.
"Solid Snake," Anna said. "Do not shoot. I am coming out."
As expected, she had tried to get behind him. Sue stepped into view with her bloody hands held up.
"How about some light?" she asked. "There's a switch over there where we can talk."
"Lead the way. Keep your hands where I can see them."
"As you wish."
Sue strolled over to a panel of light switches with Snake following her carefully with his gun aimed at her back. She flicked one switch and the florescent light above them crackled to life. Snake's goggles adjusted appropriately.
"I'm putting my hands down," Anna said. "You can relax now. I'm here to help you."
"Of course you are, Mary Sue."
"I thought I told you that I prefer Anna."
"Mary Sue is much better. You came out of nowhere and saved me from what might have been certain doom. Did you do the same thing for Big Boss? Is that how you earned your codename?"
"No. He took a look at my dossier and decided to call me Mary Sue."
"That's not the typical sort of codename he would assign somebody."
"Then I guess I'm pretty special, just like my codename implies. He must have a thing for blondes."
"I'm sure that the passion he has for you in his heart burns hotter than the fires at Chernobyl."
"I'm flattered. Could you please stop pointing that gun at me?"
Snake holstered his rifle without taking his eyes off Sue.
"Originally, I was supposed to take you directly to Big Boss, but now we have a problem," Anna said. "There are some soldiers in this PMC who have accepted a better offer and are currently hunting him and you. Our mutual friend over there is the one who instigated this mutiny."
"How did you find this out?"
"I happened to encounter a gentlemen acting very suspiciously who had wandered off by himself. I asked him what he was doing. His answer was clearly a lie, so I gave him a canister of truth gas that I found in one of the labs."
"Truth gas?"
An image of a red canister with a matching respirator attached to a tube connected to the container flashed across his mind. He had seen it somewhere before, but he could not remember where.
"That's what I said. I'm pretty sure it's vaporized cocaine. I offered him the whole can if he told me everything. He was very talkative."
"An entire can is lethal, isn't it?"
"Can you think of a more pleasant way to kill somebody?"
"No. How do these people intend to get off this island once they bag me and Big Boss?"
"They were given a frequency to call. There's somebody waiting to pick them up once they succeed and they have to provide evidence that you're actually dead or they'll be shot on sight."
Snake sighed and sat down on a small crate for a moment.
"Don't get too depressed," Anna said. "I'm sure this op will get much worse before it's over with."
Anna grinned, amused at the current state of affairs. Snake could see that she still had gums, which made him wonder how much of her mouth was artificial. There was no way he couldn't ask her about her mods.
"You know how some people grind their teeth when they sleep?"
"Oh, boy. Here it comes," Anna said, having been through this numerous times. "Yes, I could technically bite my lips off if I'm not careful."
"What if you get a zit on your nose? Do you pinch all the way through it?"
"I don't have to worry about that sort of thing because my skin has always been quite clear."
"How did you have your eyes done?"
"A guy shot a laser beam into them."
"Why not just settle on a belly button ring or a bolt through your tongue?"
"Too simple."
"What happens when you go out in public?"
"I smile and wave a lot. It helps keep people at ease when they believe you're friendly. Might I add that my teeth and my nails are reversible?"
"That's a relief."
"If this interrogation is over, I'd like to give you a present. I got you a disguise that I hid in one of the covered trucks. You can use it if you want to."
"I will. I don't suppose you have any idea where Big Boss is hiding, do you?"
"Nope. He wants you to come to him. By the way, that friend they sent with you got himself captured."
That explained why he wasn't answering his CODEC. Snake was immensely relieved that he was still alive.
"I wish I could act surprised. Where is he?"
"There are some holding cells in the basement for unregistered prisoners. Remember when I mentioned truth gas? That was developed here. The goal was to make something that worked on anyone unwilling to share their secrets ninety nine percent of the time. That stuff passed with flying colors. I can mark it on your map."
"Could you also mark where the AI is being held? I'm pretty sure Big Boss will be near there."
"Certainly."
Snake stretched out his arm. Anna fiddled with the tablet for a moment, obviously more experienced with computers than he was. Once she finished, she turned to face him.
"Show me where that uniform is," Snake asked.
Anna led him to a covered truck and then motioned for him to get inside.
"You go first," Snake said.
"I thought you might like some privacy while you were changing. Very well."
She climbed inside and brought the outfit back with her. Snake gestured for her to drop it on the floor. She did so.
"Turn around, put your hands on your head, and don't move until I say you can," Snake said.
"Come on, I thought we were past all this."
"I am very slow to trust."
Anna chuckled and did as he asked. Snake took off all of his equipment except for the tablet strapped to his arm. He placed everything he couldn't use in the back of the truck. The clothes Anna had given him fit perfectly over the stealth suit. Even the boots and body armor slid on without a problem. The sleeves of the shirt slid over the tablet, concealing it. He wouldn't be able to use his goggles anymore, but since they were tracking him he figured he could make do without them. A balaclava hid his face, but barely managed to tame his ferocious mullet. Snake switched out some of the contents of his tactical harness with the one Anna had provided.
"There's also a SCAR in the back of the truck. I didn't bring you a 92FS because that modified M9 you're carrying looks enough like it to pass off as one," Anna said. "I figured you wouldn't be happy to see me carrying a gun, so I left them in there. Are you all dressed up and ready for prom yet?"
"Yeah, now all I have to worry about is finding somebody to buy me liquor."
Before she could make a snappy remark, the door Snake had used to enter the garage swung open and somebody stepped inside. He and Anna quickly ducked behind the truck and peered around the corner to see who had come in. Chill Penguin was skipping as she bounded in on the scene with a giant smile on her face and two ice cream cones in her hands. She kept her eyes tightly shut as if mimicking an anime character experiencing extreme joy. Snake watched with great confusion as she easily dodged objects that would have hindered her progress. Not once did she have to open her eyes. Chill Penguin still sported her backpack that was full of the plushies she used as weapons.
"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin called. "I've brought you some ice cream! Let's write a poem together before Solid Snake arrives. Better yet, let's catch him together and then write a poem about it. Surely our combined powers will be no match for him!"
Anna crouched into an attack position. Her face contorted into a vicious snarl as her lips curled back, exposing her gleaming teeth. After seeing what she had done to Shadow, Snake would not wish a similar fate on anybody else, particularly if they weren't even twenty. He couldn't let Anna kill Chill Penguin. Snake grabbed under her armpit and jerked her upright painfully to get her attention before she lost it.
"Don't even think about it she's just a kid!" Snake whispered. "I won't let you kill her."
"Are you serious?" Anna asked, disappointed.
"Surely somebody like you could knock her out just as easily as you could bite her throat out."
"That presents you with a problem. She's still alive. Did you hear what she just said? She's in on the plan to fight you. She could be an agent of the Patriots."
"She said catch, not fight. Besides, I've known her for less than ten minutes and I can already tell that she has a massive crush on that idiot."
"Fine. Let's hide in the back of the truck for a moment. We'll get her while she's distracted."
Anna and Snake crawled into the covered truck together. Snake grabbed his M9 and took it with him. He kept it aimed at the opening just in case Penguin's head popped into view.
"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin called. "I brought you some Fullmetal Alchemist to read while you wait in addition to a sweet treat. Where are you hiding?"
Fullmetal Alchemist. Snake physically gagged. It took her a minute to find the body. Snake knew the gasp she uttered all too well. He could just picture her face screwing up as she observed what was left of Shadow Raccoon. As if on cue, Chill Penguin shrieked in devastation.
"No!" came the proverbial elongated scream of angst.
Anna leaned in next to Snake's left ear.
"None of us had met before Big Boss put us together to form Blue Death. Right from the beginning, Shadow couldn't stand Chill Penguin," Anna whispered.
"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin lamented. "Without you, life just isn't worth living!"
If anybody knew to take every threat of suicide seriously, it was Solid Snake. He jumped out of the back of the truck and ran to where Chill Penguin was crouched over the corpse of Shadow Raccoon. She was crying so hard that she didn't hear him approach. Penguin was hugging a plushie of Sasuke Uchiha as if it were her only friend in the world. Snake shot her in the shoulder with a tranquilizer dart. Penguins giant sobs turned into a mournful groan as she fell unconscious. Sasuke remained in her grasp. Against his better judgment, he stepped in, grabbed the plushie, and hurled it over to the other side of the room. The plushie exploded a second before it hit the ground. Snake ducked out of the way and tripped over Shadow's corpse. He managed to avoid being hit by shrapnel.
Snake brought his arm around and checked his radar. None of the guards were flocking to his location. Each room might as well have been its own separate universe.
"That was stupid," Anna said as she approached him. "You could have lost your arm."
"But I didn't, so shut up."
She offered him a hand to help him stand up, but Snake brushed it aside and got back on his feet without her.
"Who is this brat?" Snake asked.
"A girl with a thing for IED's who has not yet reached emotional maturity," Anna said. "She had been working in Iran when the boss found her. He was drawn to her flamboyant personality. She kept herself under control while she was working for the army, but she let herself go once she started working for the Boss."
"We had better get moving," Snake said. "If you run into Big Boss, tell him I'll be saving Raiden."
"I've got some traitors to dispose of, but I'll see what I can do."
Anna left the room through the door Snake had entered. There were many aspects of his job that he disliked. Ensuring that he left nobody behind was near the top of his list. Raiden could potentially become a problem when they encountered Big Boss, but he couldn't justify letting him remain captured, especially if everybody was going to start shooting each other within the next thirty minutes.
He decided to let Chill Penguin rest where she was lying. Snake checked his map and located the elevator. Assuming a more relaxed posture and a dull gait, Snake walked out of the garage. He passed a few guards along the way that didn't give him a second glance. Once inside the elevator, he shut the doors without selecting a floor. Snake did not hear anybody breathing. Ever since he had gotten jumped by a group of people wearing stealth camouflage in Shadow Moses, he had taken extra precautions with elevators. It was a lot like flipping up the toilet lid to check for spiders after he had been dumb enough to watch Arachnophobia. Snake pressed the button for the basement and descended underneath the facility.