Prologue
Emily and Hotch are sitting in her hotel room, talking about their life since Emily left the BAU. Their conversation ultimately leads to the elephant in the room topic, when Hotch asks '...Do you want to come back?'
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"Come now, let us settle the matter," says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool." Isaiah 1:18
'...Do you want to come back?'
'Oh look at the time.' She teased, jumping up from her crouched position, feigning shock and awe at her watch's screen. 'I better get a quick shower so we can leave sooner than later, right?' she added with extra cheer.
She spun on her heels to head towards her ready bag, neatly placed besides his by the bed. Instead, she was halted when Aaron's right arm suddenly draped across her path, bouncing non-graciously but most gratefully against her thighs.
She expected a reflex sorry to escape his lips but he said nothing, choosing to look up at her from his seated position, patiently waiting for her to answer.
Emily stared into his eyes, willing him to understand her silence signified reluctance to answer and reluctance to stay.
She retreated to the window's thin ledge, and scotching a seat, she faced him, still saying nothing, still willing him to resign himself to the knowledge that the next 240 minutes would have to suffice.
A midnight rendezvous would not be theirs for the taking; nor would a one-night stand be an option. The moment and time that they could experience was here and now and as she watched him, watching her, wanting him to want her, she gave up and gave in, speaking with an open heart, long ago closed.
'Ho-otch...' She began stiltedly. Dropping the familiarity and choosing formality she proceeded to use his Christian name, 'Aaron, I would love to stay and be here with you guys and be a part of the team again and hope and pray that everything would be okay and return to semi-normalcy in our non-normal lives.' She suddenly stopped, her eyes darting to her phone by the table, expecting it to ring and interrupt the intensity of their conversation but it did not and he continued to sit, staring at her, waiting for her, wanting her.
'And honestly, the way you're looking at me right now,' She lithely licked her upper lip, uncertain of how she should proceed. She didn't need to, as he decided to finish her sentence for her, standing with swiftness and stopping one step in front of her.
'The way I'm looking at you right now should tell you that if you wanted to come back I...'
HIS phone suddenly rang and his SSA Hotchner reflex kicked in this time.
She saw Morgan's name flash across the phone's screen as he brought it out of his pocket and she immediately regretted her and his words that would be left unsaid.
'Hotchner' he answered in a matter of fact tone.
'Hotch, it's Morgan, you're picking up Emily right? We're on our way and Garcia here keeps pestering me' Morgan's next words faded and Emily thought she heard an 'ow' as Garcia must have hijacked his phone with her very own 'Hi-Yah' karate impression.
'Hello my fearless leader!' Garcia cheerily ranted into the phone. 'If you do not get Emily there soon I am going to have to make you fear me, said in the most respectful and loving manner, Sir.'
Hotch smirked into the phone and responded with a voice reserved for Penelope.
'I'll have her there as soon as I can' he answered with finality, knowing the team was thinking he would have to drive from his place back to the hotel.
The call ended with more cheeriness from Penelope and what she could only assume were Morgan's teasing shouts.
'We should get going.' She said.
'We need to finish this.' He replied
'The team will be waiting on us.' She continued.
'We've been waiting on each other.'
He wasn't backing down.
'Emily, you flew to England to find a new life. Things just weren't the same for you after Doyle. I get that, but you know you're still a part of us. We're not leaving here until we settle this.'
'Hotch, I'm not coming back.' She said with dread.
Hotch sighed deeply and fell back into the couch chair. He rested his head in his hands, his elbows at his thighs. Raising his head to face her, he spoke with little emotion this time 'Why?'
'We can never go back.' She lamented
'Not true.' He emphasised 'We moved like clockwork the other night to find JJ and we did and we couldn't have done it without you.'
'We can never go back to pretending like we don't know about all that I did, all that I had to do.'
'Emily' he got up from the chair and scotched next to her at the windowsill. 'We all have scars, physical and emotional.' He surprised her by his own admission, touching his stomach's scars from Foyet subconsciously and she subconsciously found herself reaching for her own stomach, touching the area where Doyle had stabbed her.
'Whatever, the deep, dark secret, whatever the scarlet lettered sin, we can put it behind us and come out stronger, if not unscathed.'
'Scarlet Lettered Sin, huh? She smiled to lighten the mood 'Are you accusing me of something there Mr. Hotchner man'
He laughed. They so easily fell into an easy banter, even while having the talk that would take them where they both wanted to go, but couldn't.
Staring it seemed at her very scared and scarred soul, Emily did the only thing that could preserve the chastity of the moment and gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
'I think I'll go take that bath now.'
'You better or Garcia will have both our heads.'
As she walked to the bathroom door with her ready bag in hand, he knew that they still had so much more to say and that another conversation would have to follow.
'The way I was looking at you, you have to know, that if you wanted to come back, I'd be there for you, to listen to your bad days and the good ones.'
She halted for the second time that evening, dropping her ready bag and raising the white, wool robe, she had retrieved from the bed, to her eyes. She didn't know from where the tears had sprung. She had been holding the intensity of the last day inside her, the idea of losing JJ, seeing the team again and now the depth of her emotions with Hotch broke her regal poise and soldier like stance as she sobbed into the wool.
Hotch came slowly to her side, not wanting to break her any further, simply wanting to build back the walls of love and care that she had neglected.
As he turned her into his arms, holding her head to his chest, gently stroking her hair, she heard the howl of the wind outside, as a gust of February's snowy-wind blew into the room. The fall of snow was welcomed as she softy cried into the wool, enclosed in the warmth of his arms, the fears of enemies dead and gone and any new nemesis that would come, kept at bay.
When she finally stopped crying, raising her head to look up into his eyes, they were both thinking that they needed more time to give, take and make love.
