❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅
"Hey Maks, can I tell you a secret?" Ivan and Maks were alone sitting on Mathias's couch at 3:25 a.m. one Sunday morning after Mathias, Lukas, and Nathan had all fallen asleep in another room.
"Sure, Ivan," Maks responded.
"I might…" Ivan stopped there. "I mean I…" He felt himself choke.
"What?" Maks asked, confused.
Ivan looked away from him. "I might have a crush on Yao Wang," Maks didn't say much after replying with "Oh," before he awkwardly excused himself from the couch.
The whole ride to Matthew and Alfred's home after Ivan picked up his things was quiet. Alfred had the radio playing on low volume, Kiku was messing with his phone and camera, Ivan and Matthew began to doze off in the back.
Once they arrived, Matthew helped Ivan carry his bags to his bedroom. He quickly remembered how dirty his room was. There were clothes all over the floor left from when he changed clothes for and after school during the week and numerous game cases, controllers, pillows, bears and books scattered everywhere. He didn't think to clean it up, nor did he expect to have someone over. "Heh, sorry Ivan, my room is a mess," he uttered.
"It's fine," Ivan said, cheerfully. "I'll help you clean up, if you like."
"No thanks," Matthew set his things down in an empty spot near his closet. "You can change clothes, I'll clean."
"No, you guys are going to play Mario Kart with Kiku and me," Alfred's voice came from the doorway of Matthew's room. Matthew sighed and looked over at his brother.
"Is that why you wanted me to bring Ivan here?"
"Don't look at it that way, I was going to invite you to play games with us but it's better when you have a partner." Alfred scoffed. "And Arthur is too cool to play with us or something."
"I heard that!" Yelled Arthur's muffled voice from across the house. "It's your fault for being such a sore loser when I do play and beat you!"
"Listen here you shit!" Alfred yelled back.
"Boys!" Their mother interrupted from a different direction of the house. "I'm trying to sleep, quiet down!"
"Sorry mom," both brothers apologized.
"Can I get changed first?" Ivan asked.
"Yeah, sure," Alfred grinned at Matthew's direction.
"Fine," Matthew sighed. "We'll play."
It was the same petty occurrence that transpires in middle school; everyone knew, including Yao, Ivan's secret. Most couldn't have cared less, others thought it was a little comical but moved onto their lives. Ivan didn't know everyone knew until days after it all went around, when he decided to approach Yao. They had just finished their warm-ups and he was sitting alone on the bench.
"Hey Yao," Ivan sat down next to him. Yao winced and looked up at him.
"Hi," he simply said. He glanced back in front of him, looking tense.
"Are you okay?" He asked, noticing his jumpy behavior. Yao quickly nodded. "Are you sure?" He reached for Yao's arm.
With a shout of distress, Yao stood up. "Ivan Braginsky, I do not know how to deal with this!" He yelled. Ivan ignored the fact that now most of the others in the room had their eyes on them.
"What are you talking about?" He questioned, confused.
"I appreciate your feelings," Ivan's heart stopped. "But not mutual!" Ivan finally understood what he meant. He took a step closer to him but Yao backed away from him.
"Yao, how did you..?" Ivan choked out, embarrassed. Yao took a few more steps back. "Wait!"
"I have to go," Yao had run off before he could respond. His attention went to everyone in the gym looking in his direction.
"Harsh," someone whispered loud enough for Ivan to hear.
"I was wondering if he was going to try talking to him," another had said.
"Stop staring, he looks like he's about to cry," it was true; Ivan ran to the bathroom, wiping away the tears. It wasn't like he expected Yao to return his feelings, but he wanted to tell Yao himself. Not someone else; nor did he want everyone else to know.
'How did he know?' Ivan nearly lifted his hand up to slap himself for asking himself that. The only two people he had told were Maks and Katyusha, and there was no way Kat would have caused this.
(10:39) To Maks
I need to speak to you privately, meet me in the library during lunch.
Matthew really just wanted to go to bed when he got home, but he enjoyed sitting down with his brother, Kiku, and Ivan for a few rounds of Mario Kart. Arthur had come in after a couple of games and begged to play, too. Ivan ended up giving up with controller for a round. They continued to pass the controllers around so everyone had a turn.
After Kiku fell asleep during a game, Arthur called it a night. Ivan was yawning and losing focus so Matthew called it quits.
"No, you should keep playing if you want," Matthew shook his head and helped Ivan up.
"I think I've had enough for tonight," he laughed weakly. Ivan patted his back and walked with him out of Alfred's room.
"Good night, Matthew!" Alfred whispered loudly, trying to not wake Kiku up as the two left.
"Night, Alfred!" He whispered back, waving his hand playfully at him.
"You too, Ivan, good night!"
Ivan tugged on his scarf, bashfully. "Night," Matthew closed Alfred's door. Arthur greeted them in the hallway.
"You two are going to bed?" He asked.
''Yeah, it's late," Matthew yawned.
"It is," He put an arm around Matthew's shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "I thought I should introduce myself in a better way to your friend,"
"Oh, right," Matthew smiled, hugging his brother. Arthur let go of Matthew and turned his attention to Ivan.
"My name is Arthur, I'm Matthew's brother."
"I'm Ivan, Matthew's friend. Nice to meet you," Ivan pulled his best smile, though the way he rubbed his arm showed he was anxious.
"Nice to meet you, too. Glad to see Matthew's friends with someone that's not so annoying,"
"Arthur!" Matthew whined. "You know Francis is my best friend, stop talking bad about him!"
"I was talking about Alfred," He hugged Matthew again.
"Al's our brother!" Matthew tried shoving Arthur away.
"He wasn't always,"
"You too!"
"Okay, okay. You have a point there." Arthur shrugged. "I'm going to bed now,"
"Night, Arthur," Matthew gave Arthur another hug.
"Night Matthew," He pinched Matthew's cheek. "Behave yourself,"
"I always do,"
When Ivan and Matthew got to his room across the hall, Ivan jumped onto Matthew's bed. "Your brothers are really nice,"
"Yeah, that's how it is at first," Matthew laughed, picking up some clothes off the floor. Are these clean or dirty? He asked himself. He made sure Ivan wasn't looking when he sniffed them, just to make sure. They could go for another wear. "We aren't as much as a functional family, even though we might look that way,"
"How so?"
"Alfred and I have a lot of fights and stuff." Matthew threw his clothes onto his desk chair and sat at the foot of the bed. "There's also some of that 'mom and dad like you the most' and 'stop being such a cry baby' going on usually."
"Functional families don't exist," Ivan told him. "Just a gross concept made up to make everyone feel bad,"
"Do you not get along with your sisters?"
"We get along for the most part, but we do have petty arguments," Ivan stretched out across the bed. "And sometimes really bad ones," Ivan's expression changed, quickly but subtly. He no longer had the shy, innocent look or a bashful and joyful smile; his new expression matched his matured, European look Matthew would compare to someone in a wartime picture. Matthew stopped himself from asking to elaborate.
"It's okay, Matthew," he looked at him, pulling a calm smile. "You can ask me questions if you like,"
Any question Matthew wanted to ask left him. His mind went back to when he had met Ivan and his sisters. He remembered how Kat teared up a little while she thanked Francis, and how she had kissed her brother constantly before he left. He remembered how he said goodbye to Natalya before he left, too, and how sweetly she looked up to her brother.
But like his own family, he knew anything could happen behind closed doors.
His concentration wondered even more. It had all been a couple weeks ago, though it seemed like a distant memory. Matthew felt like his usual texting and late night calls with Ivan was the normal routine. His mind went back to then, where he had first seen him, and how he instantly admired his looks.
He never really pushed it out of his mind, and he couldn't help but admire Ivan's looks whenever they were together. Ivan was pretty; awake, sleeping, happy, embarrassed, and the darkened expression he witnessed just a minute ago was all so appealing to him. And how he kissed him after speaking to him for the first time…
Matthew's heart beat roughly.
When Ivan shifted around to sit up, Matthew was pulled gently from his thoughts. "Matthew, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, Ivan," Matthew yawned and lay by his side. "I'm glad you're willing to answer any questions but I don't have any," That wasn't completely true; Matthew really wanted to know a lot of things. "You can ask me anything, if you like,"
"Okay," Ivan responded. "How long did it take you to adjust to a new life here?"
Matthew had to think for a moment. "I don't know, I just stuck with waking up every morning and not seeing my grandmother or visiting her in the hospital. I miss her, but being taken in by my new parents was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Plus I've known them, Art, Al and Francis since I was a kid."
"You never mentioned how,"
"Oh right, my grandma took care of Mrs. Kirkland when she was a kid, and they just stayed in contact with each other. She took me to meet Arthur when I was five, and that's when I met Francis, too."
"You've known him that long?"
"Yeah, every time I would come visit, him and Arthur would fight over me," Ivan started laughing quietly. "What?"
"I'm imagining all three of you as kids,"
"I have pictures, you know,"
"Really?" Ivan smiled. "I want to see,"
Matthew got up and searched his closet for the album. After finding it, he sat down by Ivan. They adjusted the pillows so they could lie down and look at the pictures when something had caught Ivan's eyes.
"Who's this?" He asked, picking up the large white bear from Matthew's pile of pillows.
"Kumajirou," Matthew set the album on his lap and pinched the bear's ear. "I got him from Francis for my 7th birthday. He's my favorite." Ivan pressed close to the stuffed bear and kissed its muzzle. "Are you kissing my bear?" Matthew asked, smiling.
"I can't help it," Ivan hugged onto it. "He's so cute," Matthew would usually take Kumajirou back if someone were to hold him. The bear was special to him, but he couldn't help but adore the sight of Ivan cuddling him.
He picked the photo album back up and opened to the first page. "That's me as a baby,"
"Aww," Ivan whispered.
"And those are my real parents," Matthew pointed to a photo. "Other than this photo, I haven't seen them,"
"Is that your grandma?" Ivan pointed to a photo of an older woman.
"That's her,"
"Tell me about her,"
Matthew sighed and smiled warmly. "Caring, and understanding. She never met a stranger," He turned the page, revealing more pictures of her and him as a child. "She didn't hesitate to take me in, but I wish she would have told me more about my parents,"
"You don't know anything about them?"
"No," Matthew turned the page again. "Sometimes I doubt their existence." He pointed to another picture. "Here's me, Arthur and Francis," Ivan laughed.
"Francis looks the same as he does now,"
"He was a little chubbier as a child,"
"Hmm… You're right. He did,"
"So was I, look." Matthew pointed his finger to a picture of himself. "I was probably seven in this picture." He moved it over to one of him and Francis. "I think that was the summer we went to the lake,"
"Francis has a black eye in that one," The two fell silent. Matthew's mind immediately filled with the memories from the many summers he had spent with the Kirklands. Francis would be around almost all the time, despite how Arthur felt towards him, but Matthew had never gone over to Francis' house.
Those were the times where everything went over his little innocent head. Francis was too embarrassed to take him over there. He was very clumsy, Matthew had thought, always 'falling' or 'running into things'. He would always have at least one bruise every time Matthew saw him. He never questioned it, though he wished he did.
The summer of Matthew's 10th birthday, he visited once again to celebrate with Arthur's family. But Francis wasn't around that time. Arthur had refused to talk about it whenever Matthew asked. He resorted to asking Mrs. Kirkland where Francis had gone. She promised him an explanation after they had dinner.
After supper, Mrs. Kirkland went to Matthew's room and sat him down.
"Matthew, I want you to know Francis is in safe hands right now and you'll be able to see him soon," she had assured him. "I'll tell you what I told Arthur; not every parent treats their children the way they should. Francis has been going through a lot for years, and not even I knew what was going on." Matthew had started crying at this point. She got a tissue and wiped the tears from his cheeks.
"Will Francis be okay?"
"He will be in time, just next time you see him, hug him tightly. Be there for him."
Matthew nodded. "I'll hug him every time I see him!"
And he did. Since the first time he saw Francis since his parents' arrest to every time he saw him afterwards; Francis was embraced.
"Matthew?" Ivan nudged him with Kumajirou's paw. "You zoned out again."
"Oh, I did," Matthew's voice was quieter.
"How much of all that did you experience?" He whispered.
"As any child, every sign flew over my head," Matthew responded. "My best friend's parents did unspeakable things to him and I never noticed."
"I'm sorry, Matthew, we can…" Matthew cut him off.
"No, I just…" Matthew ran his hand through his hair. "I was there through it all, and it's still hard to believe I was," He reached for Kumajirou's paw and pulled one of the few hair bands off the bear's arm. "I was there for when he was taken into his current family, I was there for most of his relapses, his recovery, and I'm still here now," He pulled his bangs up into the hair band. "I'm sorry, I'm rambling."
"How long did it take Francis to recover?" Ivan didn't take his gaze off of him. Matthew knew what he had meant by the question.
"Francis took a lot of time, but he kept at it," He answered. "No matter how hard it was."
Ivan closed his eyes. "Sorry I brought up a bad topic,"
"You wanted to talk about it, so it's not bad,"
"I guess you're right," Ivan shifted around and put Kumajirou in between them. "Thanks for showing me the pictures,"
"You can look through the rest,"
"Maybe another time, I'm tired." He responded. "Do you want Kuma back?"
"Yes but no, I think I can sleep without him tonight,"
"You have a bigger bear in your bed, anyway," Ivan snickered, wearily. "My sisters always tell me I'm a bear,"
Matthew set the album on top of his messy side table. "That's okay, I like bears," He got up to turn out the light.
"Ты мне нравишься." Ivan whispered.
"Hm?" The sudden Russian surprised Matthew.
"Nothing, I meant thank you."
"Thanks for what?"
"Everything,"
Matthew smiled. "No problem, need anything?"
"No, I'm fine,"
"Okay," Matthew turned out the light and hopped onto the bed. "Good night, Ivan,"
"Good night, Matthew," Matthew got himself comfortable under the covers. He turned his back to Ivan and hugged onto his pillow. He felt weird without Kumajirou to hold on to.
"Ivan," he whispered.
"Hm?"
"Can you say good night in Russian?"
"Hm… спокойной ночи," he replied. "Why?"
"I like the sound of it," Matthew admitted.
"Want me to speak more?"
"Sure,"
"Ты обаятельна," he responded, softly. "У вас красивые глаза. У вас красивые волосы. У вас хороший голос... Ты мне нравишься, но я боюсь."
"What are you saying?"
"Stuff about you,"
"Like what?"
"Nice things,"
"Like what?"
"Things about you,"
"… You're not going to tell me, are you?" He felt Ivan move closer to him.
"нет," Kumajirou was placed in front of him. "спокойной ночи, Матвей," Ivan embraced Matthew around his waist and rested his head on his back. As Ivan dozed off peacefully, Matthew moved closer in his arms.
Ivan was waiting impatiently in the library when the bell for lunch rang. Eventually, he saw Maks enter and make his way over to him.
"What do you need to talk about?" He had an honest, confused expression. Ivan didn't believe it to be sincere.
"Let's go outside so I don't disturb anyone here," Ivan got up and tugged on his arm.
"What? Are you mad?" he asked.
"Yes," When they got outside, Ivan told him to sit with him on the bench near the parking lot.
"I spoke to Yao today, you know, that guy I have a secret crush on?" Maks nodded. "Well, not so secret anymore. He knows, and so does everyone else." Ivan crossed his arms. "I trusted you, God damn it."
"I didn't tell anyone!"
"I didn't tell anyone but you and Katyusha, so I know it was you,"
"Are you sure Mathias wasn't awake when you were talking about it?"
"Mathias was snoring loudly when I told you, Lukas and Nathan have better things to do than something like that, so fess up." Ivan's voice got harsher. "I just want to know why you did it,"
"Because Ivan," Maks hadn't pulled that type of aggressive tone towards him in the longest time. "I didn't know how else to go about things,"
"What? You lost me," Ivan glared at him.
"I like you, Ivan," Maks looked at his feet.
"I'm even more lost,"
"Why do you think I purposely made you mess up your chances with Yao?" Ivan suddenly understood what he meant. Maks likes him? Since when?
"Maks, I-" Ivan started. He looked at him.
"I'm sorry I told Yao, I was scared of losing you,"
"You were?"
"And Yao told everyone else, it wasn't my fault," Ivan's mind was everywhere.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was too scared to,"
"Wow," Ivan placed his hand on his forehead. "What the hell is going on?"
"I like you, Ivan, didn't I tell you?" Maks didn't take his eyes off of him.
"I... I…" Maks reached for his arm. Ivan nearly moved away, but he remembered how Yao had backed away from him. He liked Yao, and he hurt him.
"I'm scared of losing you," Ivan had never seen Maks cry, even when they were children. Maks had done so much to him then; bullied him, threatened him, made him scared to go outside sometimes. Maybe… Ivan thought. Maybe he needs help.
Maks moved his head to rest onto Ivan's chest. Ivan held him close.
"I like you, too, Maks,"
Past and present things getting pretty intense, so hopefully I'll be more motivated to write. So here's more brotherly love, more Ivan/Matthew chemistry, a look into Francis and Matthew's past, and the last of Ivan's flashbacks until he finally tells Matthew what happened.
Disclaimers: I do not own the characters present in this story, or any works mentioned such as Mario Kart.
I also do not accept or romanticize (if not made clear already) toxic relationships such as the one presented by Ivan and Maks. Maks was an abuser, and still is one to Ivan, though he may not hit him or torment him as often as he did. For instance, Ivan came to him with a problem, and he turned it around and made Ivan feel bad for him.
Translations:
Ты мне нравишься = I like you
спокойной ночи = Good night
Ты обаятельна = You're charming
У вас красивые глаза. У вас красивые волосы. У вас хороший голос... = You have beautiful eyes. You have beautiful hair. You have a good voice. (Basically Ivan's naming off things he admires about Matthew)
Ты мне нравишься, но я боюсь = I like you, but I'm scared.
нет = No
спокойной ночи, Матвей = Good night, Matthew