❅❄❅ When the Snow Falls ❅❄❅
Mrs. Braginsky got home late that afternoon. Once she had gotten her things from the car, she went straight to her son's room. She had been worried about him all day, and felt bad that she was too busy at work to call or text him sometime during the day. She knew he had Matthew there with him, and if he wasn't already going to stay another night, she would have asked him if he wanted to. She couldn't say that she wasn't anxious about the idea of Ivan liking someone again after his situation with Maks at first. She had gotten past that because she trusted Ivan's judgement. Matthew ended up being not only a kind and pleasant boy that was good for Ivan to be around, but someone who had experience in being around and comforting someone in recovery.
She knocked on his bedroom door, waited a few quiet seconds for a reply, and knocked again; there was no answer. "Ivan?" She called, but there wasn't a response. She slowly opened the door to an empty room and a messy bed spread. She thought for a second, turning around and walking back to the kitchen. Maybe they're in the bookroom, she thought. As she walked down the hallway, she skimmed through the other rooms before entering the bookroom. To her surprise, they were not in there either. Where could they be?
She walked back to the kitchen to retrieve her purse for her phone when she noticed Natalya was standing in the doorway. "Have you seen Ivan and Matthew? I can't seem to find them anywhere." She asked.
"They're probably still outside."
"Matthew and Ivan are… Outside."
"You heard me correctly. They've been running in and out all day."
"Really?" She walked to the window above the sink and looked outside. The snow that had fallen from the night before was disrupted with footsteps and a few of what looked like small sculptures and snowmen were built here and there. And there her son was, laughing and grabbing handfuls of snow and tossing it at his equally joyful boyfriend. She could faintly hear their laughs and conversation. "I can barely believe this."
"I was surprised at first, too," Natalya cleared her throat. "But I remembered I was the same way the first time he started going out of his room more last year and when he went out with a friend for the first time since we moved."
"You're right. But I didn't expect him to suddenly be this okay with snow." Mrs. Braginsky continued to watch as the two played in the snow, not turning to look at Natalya as she spoke.
"Ivan has probably been fine with snow for a while, mom. He just needed some sort of push to go outside and play in it."
"You could say the same about the rest," Mrs. Braginsky replied. "When your dad offered to teach Ivan to cook more, he didn't seem nervous at all to be out of his room more. And when he became friends with Francis; he actually seemed like he was okay to be around anyone who wasn't us. But immediately ready or not, I'm happy Ivan has gotten as far as he has."
Ivan and Matthew settled back into his room after occupying the whole day with playing outside in the snow. The comforter and sheets were untidy from them constantly getting off and on the bed and Matthew's habit of moving positions, trying to sit or lay comfortably against his boyfriend. Even though the sun had set hours ago and they had no interest in leaving the bed, the two did not bother fixing the bed up. They sat close at the edge with the comforter laying over their backs and a controller in their hands.
Ivan quit after a while, getting tired and resting his head on Matthew's shoulder while he watched him continue playing the game. Other than speaking a sudden thought out loud, they didn't speak much. The silence was comfortable to both of them. Ivan just enjoyed having Matthew there with him, as Matthew enjoyed being with him.
Matthew wanted to end the night off nicely, but there was still something on his mind. "Ivan," he whispered quietly, hoping Ivan wasn't already dozing off on him.
"Hm?"
"What do I do if you have another dream like the one from last night?" Matthew asked.
Ivan didn't have to think on the reply. "Don't wake me up. There's nothing you can really do other than maybe turning on your lamp. If it lasts too long, you should move to the living room. The couch is pretty comfortable if you want to go back to sleep afterwards."
"Okay," Matthew didn't want to add another question. He had asked because he was concerned for Ivan's wellbeing, but Ivan answered as if he cared more about if he was comfortable being around him during his dreams than himself. Matthew didn't want to repeat the conversation from that morning and say something. Instead, he leaned over and gave Ivan a kiss. "I'm getting tired."
"Me too," Ivan answered back. He reached for the remote that was sitting right next to Matthew.
"I'll turn everything off." Matthew spoke, grabbing the remote instead. "You can go ahead and lay down." Ivan drowsily nodded and moved to his spot on the bed as Matthew turned the TV and PS3 off. Matthew crawled back onto the bed in the dark.
"Where are you? I can't see." Ivan asked.
"I can't see you either." Matthew answered back. Ivan reached out and touched Matthew's shoulder. "Oh."
"There you are." Ivan laughed. His hand went up his neck and to his cheek; his other hand touched his other cheek. Matthew's hands met Ivan's for a second before he moved them down to find the rest of him. He carefully positioned himself next to Ivan and pulling him in for a short kiss.
He meant to stop there, but Ivan kissed him again, and then again. By the third kiss, Matthew didn't want stop. Their fourth was much longer and drawn out, and their semi-dried lips stuck awkwardly against each other.
The way Ivan pulled only his lips away but kept Matthew's face close to his made Matthew's heart beat wrathfully. His hands involuntarily latched onto Ivan's shoulders. Their breaths became husky when Matthew began to lead Ivan into firmer kisses. Excited, Ivan let out a gasp, but quickly covering his mouth and ending the caressing embarrassed.
"Oops." He whispered. "I hope my sisters weren't awake to hear that."
"I'm sure they could have mistaken it for anything." Matthew picked up his phone from the table. "It's past 11, I'm sure they're both asleep." He felt Ivan nod and take a few deep breaths.
"We still need to keep quiet, just in case." He breathed.
"Yeah," Matthew leaned down and pressed another quick kiss to Ivan's lips. "We got a little carried away."
"That's okay, even though I'm not so tired anymore." Ivan laughed.
"Me either." Matthew laughed with him, moving the comforter over him and getting at ease. "Sorry."
"There's nothing to apologize for." Ivan moved closer to him, getting under the covers as well. He leaned over and kissed Matthew again, moving his arms around the other. "I'll be quieter." He whispered.
Matthew happily obligated to Ivan's wants; almost holding his breath while kissing him back. The more he kissed Ivan, the more he wanted to continue kissing Ivan. He felt freer to do so, even when he had to keep quiet, while he was close to him in his dark bedroom. He also felt much more closer to Ivan than before.
The kissing got rough rather quickly, Ivan stopped to breath every so often. Matthew was moved to on top of Ivan where he grabbed onto Ivan's pillow as Ivan clung to his shirt. Matthew felt lost in the moment until he felt Ivan's hand onto the skin of his back.
The gesture sent a jolt of excitement through Matthew and broke his rhythm. He kept returning Ivan's continuous kisses, but he was suddenly aware of how physical they were being. His focus was thrown off again when Ivan pulled him in, their bodies lying flush against one another. They had pulled back, breathing heavily but trying do so quietly. Ivan's hands were still under Matthew's shirt and on his lower back. Matthew could almost feel Ivan staring at him in the dark. He could still feel and hear his breathing, but he couldn't tell if Ivan was upset or content.
Ivan's nose touched his before he gave Matthew a few short, light kisses. He moved Matthew back down onto his side, closing the space between his body and Ivan's arms. Matthew was able to breathe and calm down.
Ivan didn't say anything, but he kept close with his lips pressed near Matthew's right cheek. His hands slowly moved to Matthew's hips.
"Are you okay?" Ivan whispered. Are you okay with this? Matthew knew what he had meant. He had felt Matthew's confused reaction and that's why he had suddenly slowed down.
"Slower." He answered back, he felt Ivan nod. Matthew kept it at that; it was understood that he had enjoyed the heat of the moment, but things needed to cool down. Ivan knew he would speak up if that wasn't the case.
Ivan's hands stayed where they were, only moving to the outside of Matthew's shirt very slowly. Ivan moved away an inch to give him some more room. Matthew moved his legs gently against Ivan's, letting them gently intertwine with each other as Ivan shifted his position.
"Are you comfortable?" Ivan asked.
"I am." Matthew found Ivan's hands and moved them to the hem of his shirt. "Go ahead."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes." Ivan's hands leisurely glided against Matthew's back, slipping the bottom of the shirt up.
He reached the middle of Matthew's back when he stopped. "I won't go further."
"Okay." Matthew reached over and touched the end of Ivan's shirt. He pinched the hem, only to lift it up but not place his hands against Ivan. Ivan gave him a kiss of assurance; softly and long, but not moving his lips against his.
Matthew kissed back happily. The hands resting on his back were gentle not exerting any force. He gave Ivan a few kisses on his cheek, slipping his hands onto Ivan's bare back.
"Your hands are cold."
"Yours aren't." Ivan laughed some. They moved their legs around to get more comfortable.
"You're still wearing jeans." Matthew noted.
"Oh, right." Ivan tried looking down some before he realized he couldn't see at all. "Oops."
"You could go change."
"I'll be okay."
"You're going to be uncomfortable." Ivan didn't respond to that. "Ivan."
"No." Matthew gave him another kiss.
"At least take the jeans off." Ivan lurched up some.
"What? No!"
"It wouldn't be any different that when you lost your pants in that game of never have I ever."
"Yes it will, it would be inappropriate." Matthew kissed his cheek.
"Well, if you don't want to, it's fine."
"Alright." Ivan shifted around some more. "Are you sure it would be okay?"
"It's your pants."
"No, I meant taking them off."
"Ivan."
"Hm?"
"Yeah, I mean, I don't know how you haven't realized this, but I'm in boxers right now."
"Oh." Matthew moved his hand to Ivan's cheek, feeling his cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Matthew leaned up and kissed his forehead, untangling himself from their still, sweaty positions and hovering over the other.
"Silly," Ivan chuckled a bit, giving Matthew a kiss.
"I'm tired."
"Me too." Matthew lay back down. "Let's get some sleep."
"Yeah." Ivan pulled Matthew close to him. "Goodnight."
Ivan waited listening to Matthew's breathing until he was finally asleep. "Hey, Matthew." He whispered. When Matthew didn't respond, Ivan carefully removed the comforter from his legs and took his jeans off. He tossed them to the wall and covered back up, getting comfortable next to Matthew and taking his hand into his own.
The hand holding Matthew's trembled; not too much, but just enough to bring Matthew out of his sleep. The thought of Ivan having a nightmare didn't come to his mind at first, but as soon as the whimpers and louder breathing started up, he knew.
Okay, turn on the lamp, he reminded himself. Matthew reached over, carefully with Ivan's hand still latched on his, and clicked the light of the lamp on. Ivan was facing away from him with his face buried in his pillow. He moved his legs uncomfortably in his sleep as if he was trying to away from something. Matthew was surprised how he kept holding his hand in his sleep.
Matthew sat there for a few minutes, calmly watching over him. His movements and sounds escalated into shaking and crying. Matthew became a little bit scared; he knew he wasn't able to fully understand Ivan's emotions concerning Maks and the dreams. Just watching him felt like he was able to see just a portion of it, giving him even more concern for his boyfriend. He wanted to wake him up, end the suffering early, kiss him until he stopped crying or do whatever Ivan wanted him to do, anything to help him. He understood why Ivan had told him to go into the living room if his dream had woken him up; because it was hard to watch.
He could probably slip out of Ivan's grip if he did so carefully; but he wouldn't. That's not an option to him. Ivan was not going to wake up alone, screaming for someone to come help him. He was going to wake up and instantly see him there and be reminded that he isn't in the past but a safe present.
Matthew picked up his phone and checked the time; 2:13 a.m.; he set it back down and turned his attention back to Ivan. He had turned and was laying on his back now, tears soaking his cheeks and sweat forming on his forehead. Matthew carefully wiped his cheeks with his sleeve. "Shh."
"Toris I'm sorry," Ivan stuttered between sniffling. Toris probably misses you, Matthew thought to himself. He probably thinks of you and hopes strongly that you're okay. Matthew wondered how it would go if he ever saw Toris, or anyone else he had known while all this had happened, again. He knew Toris would probably be relieved to see he was better. He didn't know about how Yao would react, hopefully the same way. He didn't care to think about Maks, he could only hope that he didn't have to find out.
"Toris… Toris…" Ivan's teeth chattered between his sobbing. "Maks… Stop… Stop!" Ivan borderline screamed; his cries became louder. Matthew shivered some, trying to not cry. Think of happy things, Matthew. Think of pretty art, violins, fresh snowfall… Think of Ivan playing in it… Happy… Ivan happy…
Matthew started crying with Ivan. Why does he have to be attached by these memories? What did he do to deserve this? Matthew gripped onto Ivan's hand harder, as did Ivan's. His hand was sweaty and cramping. Ivan did nothing to deserve this.
Why are people so sick and cruel to the people I love?
Matthew quickly wiped his tears and eyes with his sleeve and turned to Ivan. Still asleep, the screaming had stopped, but Ivan was still breathing heavily.
"Ivan," Matthew whispered to him, inaudibly. Ivan began muttering, Matthew could only catch a few words he was saying. His breathing finally went back to normal, but he was still muttering. Matthew laid back down, trying to listen to what he was saying.
With the light from the bedside lamp on, Matthew fell back to sleep.
Ivan jerked awake as if he had been awaken by a loud alarm. He instantly noticed the lamp on the opposite side of his bed was on and his right hand was stiff and sweaty. He took deep breaths and wiped the sweat from his face and neck. It was only a dream, just a dream…
Next to him, Matthew was sleeping deeply. His chest rose and fell with ease but his hand was latched onto his own. Ivan let go of his hand to stretch it out some.
He stayed. Why did he stay? He wondered how long Matthew was kept awake. Ivan shrugged and decided he would worry about it later. Matthew would probably insist it wouldn't be a big deal, even if he was up for an hour or more. Typical Matthew, he almost laughed out loud.
He leaned over and gave Matthew a few kisses on his cheek. "Thank you." For staying, for really everything else, too.
Ivan settled back down next to Matthew, lightly holding his hand again. Slowly, he drifted back to sleep.