Christmases When You Were Mine

Disclaimer:
I own nothing nor do I make any profit from this fic. No copyright infringement intended. This was just for fun!

Rating:
K+ (PG-13)

Genre:
Romance/Angst

Pairing:
Tryan

Lyrics Used:
"Where Are You Christmas"-Faith Hill

Where Are You, Christmas

Troy Bolton sat in his bedroom, strumming and working on lyrics for what could have been hours, he wasn't really sure, when he heard a knock at his door promptly followed by the sound of his father's voice.

"Troy, son, there's somebody here to see ya..." Jack Bolton called to his son. Ever since he had come to accept Troy's relationship with Ryan, he had become increasingly happy for his son. So, naturally, he was worried about him when he broke up with the young blonde.

"Send them in." Troy called back, distantly. He hadn't really focused on what his father was telling him. His mind was too absorbed in the song he'd been writing for Ryan.

Needless to say, Troy was more than a little surprised to see none other than Ryan Evans walk into his bedroom. Troy looked up at the young blonde and they locked eyes for what felt like an eternity but was probably only about five seconds. Eventually, Ryan broke the not entirely uncomfortable silence.

"That sounded good." He replied, trying to make small talk to avoid what he had really come there to do. Truth be told, he was going insane not being with Troy. He knew he had to do something before his family had him institutionalized.

"Thanks." Troy replied nervously. What's he doing here? Troy wondered as he invited Ryan to sit next to him on the bed.

Sighing slightly, Ryan replied "Look, Troy...I know you're probably wondering what I'm doing here. But, the truth is...I needed to talk to you. I had to let you know how I feel about you." He explained, seeming to have read Troy's mind. He paused a moment, searching for the right words. "Troy, I've been going absolutely insane ever since you left me. And, I know this is probably pathetic of me to even do this, but, I had to let you know that I still love you and will continue to do so until the day I die."

Troy couldn't believe what he was hearing. After the way he had treated Ryan, he was still in love with him?! God, what did I do to deserve him?Troy thought to himself. He was drawn out of his reverie when his mind registered that Ryan was getting up to leave. Without thinking, Troy reached out and lightly grabbed onto Ryan's arm to stop him.

"No, wait!" Troy blurted out. "Please...Don't go yet..." He added. It's now or never, Troy. He thought to himself after taking a steadying breath.

Now, Ryan was the confused one. Why would he want me to stay? He thought to himself curiously. Any other time, he wouldn't have believed it and just left anyway. But, this was Troy he was dealing with. Curiosity got the better of him and he sat back down next to Troy to find out what Troy could possibly want with him.

"Listen, Ry..." Troy began. Ryan nearly broke down at the sound of Troy's old nickname for him. He hadn't realized until then just how much he'd missed it. "I was at the park this afternoon and I heard you singing that song and...Well...It made realize that my feelings for you never changed either. I still love you, too, Ry. And, I realize I had to have been the biggest idiot in history to have walked away from you."

Ryan couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd waited for months to hear Troy say these things. I don't believe it! Troy Bolton is still in love with me?! He thought to himself, trying to wrap his mind around all that Troy was telling him.

"Anyway, Ry, I wrote a song about you. I was planning to sing it for you later, but, I guess now's as good a time as any..." Troy added, re-tuning his guitar. Clearing his throat, Troy took a deep breath as he began to sing.

"Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play"

Ryan couldn't believe all this was happening. He just sat there in shock and continued listening to Troy sing. God, how I missed his voice! He thought to himself as he basked in the heavenly music that was Troy's voice.

"My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too"

Ryan's heart was aching as he continued listening to the song. He could tell that Troy had poured his heart and soul into this song.

"Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go"

Ryan was beginning to wonder where exactly Troy was going with this song until he heard the next verse.

"Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh "

Ryan listened to Troy singing his heart out to him. He couldn't believe how things were working out.

"If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time"

As Troy began to sing the next verse, Ryan couldn't help singing along.

"I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love"

Troy looked upand locked eyes with Ryan as they finished out the song together.

"Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love"

"I'm so sorry I ever hurt you." Troy replied. "Look, Ry...I know I don't deserve you, you deserve so much better than me it's not even funny. I just...I just thought you should know that I'll always love you." He added. Once he was finished, Troy shifted his gaze downward, trying to hide his fresh tears from Ryan. I've already burdened him with enough. He doesn't need to see me cry on top of it all.

However, Troy was caught off guard when Ryan's hand reached for his, their fingers intertwining as Ryan gently caressed Troy's hand with his thumb. He knew Troy was crying for him. "Troy...Do you really think I would go out of my way to come over here just to tell you how I feel and not take you back?" He asked. When Troy remained silently staring at the ground, he continued. "No, I wouldn't have. Granted, I didn't come over with the specific intention of asking you for another chance, but, that doesn't mean that I wasn't gonna take you back if the subject had come up."

It was then that Troy looked up at Ryan, his eyes shining with still falling tears. "You shouldn't..." He whispered brokenly.

"What are you talking about?" Ryan asked, confused by what Troy was trying to say. He wasn't even sure he'd actually heard him correctly.

"You shouldn't take me back." Troy clarified. "Ry, I hurt you. Do you know how hard it is for me to live with myself knowing that?! It's unbearable! I can't risk doing it to you all over again." He added, his voice small and broken and entirely uncharacteristic of him.

Resting a hand on Troy's cheek, Ryan replied gently "You won't."

"How can you possibly know that?" Troy asked, his voice growing thicker with emotion with each word.

"I can see it in your eyes." Ryan replied. "Troy, you wouldn't be crying over all this if there was any way you could allow yourself to hurt me again." He paused a moment before adding "Besides, I know you. I know the real you. And the real Troy Bolton would never have left me in the first place. I knew all along that it was just the peer pressure getting to you. Granted, I was a little disappointed in myself for not being there for you-"

"You were." Troy interrupted. "You were always there for me when I needed you! You were the best damn thing to ever happen to me. And, I just threw away all that we had together just because I couldn't take the taunting and being an outcast!" He added defeatedly.

"Troy, my point is...You keep saying that I deserve better. To be honest with you, I don't give a damn about what I 'deserve'. I want you, Troy! I always have and that'll never change." Ryan added, trying to get through to Troy. "And, I know, deep down, you want me, too. Why are you denying yourself what you deserve?"

"I'm not." Troy replied. "I'm giving myself exactly what I deserve. And that's living without you. I hurt you. I shouldn't even be given the privilege of knowing you!"

"Troy, you're only human! So, you made a mistake, hell, we all make mistakes. But, it's like my dad always used to say. 'It's not a mistake if you learn from it.'. Troy, I know we can make this work. Please." By now, Ryan was on his knees in front of Troy, holding Troy's hands in his and pleading with him.

Troy remained silent as he read the pleading look in Ryan's piercing blue eyes.

In one final attempt to reach out to Troy, Ryan added in a desperate pleading whisper. "I need you, Troy...Please."

Shifting slightly, Troy stood up from his place on the bed, pulling Ryan up with him. Without a word, he threw his arms around Ryan's shoulders and held him close. "I'm so sorry. I love you so much!" He sobbed into the crook of Ryan's neck.

Smiling as he held Troy close, Ryan gently messaged soothing circles into Troy's back as he whispered into his ear. "It's okay. I know. I love you, too!"

Pulling back, Troy stared into piercing blue eyes with his own chocolate eyes glimmering with fresh tears. Again, without a word, he slowly leaned in and captured Ryan's warm soft lips with his own. It was a tender kiss yet full of months of supressed passion. As they pulled apart as the need for oxygen grew too intense to ignore, Troy asked "So...Are we okay?"

Smiling his first genuine smile in months, Ryan replied "Yeah, Troy. We are definitely okay."