"Are you ready for this?" Azkadelia asked her sister, her voice dripping apprehension.
DG bit her lower lip, "Not even remotely."
"Announcing their Royal Highnesses, Princess Azkadelia and Princess DG of the House of Gail," boomed the footman.
Slowly the sisters entered the hall to the sound of silver trumpets. They gave those assembled a moment to admire their gowns, the elder in deep forest velvet with cream lace trip, the younger in spring green silk spotted over with pink embroidered roses, before they took their place on identical simple yet elegantly carved thrones on a small dais. This hall wasn't as imposing as the Great Hall; but, it was sufficiently impressive.
Today was Purple Pumpkin Day (DG wasn't surprised that there really were purple pumpkins…they were a specialty of Gillikin Country) a day when the rulers of land were available to any citizen regardless of social standing or how minuscule their complaint. From what DG could tell this day had a lot in common with 'Big Block of Cheese Day' back in America.
Today was also DG's first day in a more official capacity. Until now all she had to do was wave and look pretty. But now her decisions would be binding and people would have to follow them. She was a little terrified.
Az was also terrified. Her reasons had more to do with being afraid people would hate her. Telling a princess she shouldn't care about what people think about her is all well and good; however, if you are a princess you know that you'd damn well better care because these are your people and what they think does count.
"His Grace, Ambrose Duke of Win-Kia." Glitch all but sprawled on the chair that stood at the bottom of the dais. He winked at the girls.
Today, the girls were virtually on their own. Lurline and Ahamo had taken Raw to help them attend to business in Quadling Country. Hank and Emily needed to see to things in Milltown.
DG smiled when she saw Cain leaning against a pillar to her left, hat pushed down over his icy blue eyes, arms crossed and radiating danger. Just daring anybody to start something. She felt better all ready.
"Erio of the Eastern Guild," Announced the footman.
A munchkin dressed in the traditional skins of his people with half of his face painted blue bowed with his hands flat in front of him. "Your Highnesses, I have composed a poem."
Az looked at DG who looked back at her with dismay clouding her eyes. Munchkin music was a ghastly assault to the ears.
"Which I will now recite," This coming from a munchkin seemed like a threat.
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
The little man recited in a voice full of rocks. Glitch shrugged helplessly.
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go
Below - below – below
"Out of his tiny mind," murmured DG lowly. It wasn't over.
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead
Yes, let the joyous news be spread
The wicked old witch at last is dead
The duke was of two minds. Ambrose thought it was the most abysmal drivel he'd ever heard. Glitch thought it was kinda catchy.
Wyatt Cain wondered if he'd get into trouble for shooting the little poet. Justifiable homicide maybe?
Ding-dong the witch is dead
Which old witch? The wicked witch
Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead
Wake up you sleepyhead
Rub your eyes, get out of bed
Wake up the wicked witch is dead
She's gone where the goblins go
Below - below - below
Yo-ho, let's open up and sing and ring the bells out
Ding Dong' the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low
Let them know the Wicked Witch is dead
With that the little man came to a stop and gave a sweeping bow.
"It was uh," DG faltered and looked over at a shell shocked Az who nodded rendered mute.
"Something," DG continued. The munchkin smiled widely. "I think I can speak for everybody here when I say no one who's heard your masterpiece will ever forget it."
The munchkin bowed with an effusive bow. "I knew your highnesses couldn't help seeing my genus. Wait till the guys at the O.Z. Poetry Society hear about this!" With that he was escorted out by a footman with a very firm hand.
"Very diplomatic," Az complimented her.
DG shrugged, "Wouldn't want to get flayed because I gave a bad review. Now would I?"
-----
"He stole my land!" shouted the farmer. He pointed a weathered finger at a bored looking nobleman.
The situation was this. Mr. Vernic had a turnip field. It had supported his family for many generations. Lord Bingly, who owned land from miles around, coveted Mr. Vernic's turnip field because it was something he could see from his window that was not his.
Mr. Vernic claimed that Bingly had sent in a thief who stole the deed. The old man was irate and rightly so he had a large extended family to care for.
"I have no idea what the peasant is going on about, Bingly said dismissively. "Anyway who are your highnesses going to believe; a peer of the realm or some mangy farmer?"
Cain caught the look of righteous indignation in DG's eyes and his lips quirked up. The peacock wouldn't know what hit him.
"Lord Bingly, I grew up on a farm you know." DG smiled sweetly at the now uncertain lord.
"I wasn't aware Princess DG," Bingly admitted.
"I was raised by farmers, went to school with the children of farmers and I helped out with the harvest every year," DG went on.
Azkadelia sat back with a wide smile. Seeing what her irrepressible baby sister would do next was one of her great joys in life.
"He's lying," Bingly blurted.
DG looked from Bingly to the old man who stood straw hat in hand. "I think we should find out for sure who's lying. What do you think Az"
"Always an excellent idea sister dear," Az smoothed out her skirts. "What do you have in mind?"
"We don't have Raw around…so how about that truth spell Tutor taught a week ago?" DG asked raising a delicate brow.
"I think that's an excellent idea." Az smiled at the now sweating nobleman. "You do the honors."
DG stood and went a few paces forward. She drew the old symbol for truth in the old hieroglyphic language of the ancients; it burned in the air like a brand.
"Bennington Bingly, did you steal the deed to Mr. Vernic's farm?" DG's voice rang in the hall like a clear silver bell.
The sign for truth flashed red and burned up. "You lied to us," DG said sadly.
At a nod from Cain a guard came forward and grasped the now red face lord by the arm.
"What should we do with him?" DG retook her seat and gave Azkadelia an inquiring look.
"Theft of Land usually is punished with multiple annuals in incarceration. The law is no respecter of persons," Ambrose pointed out helpfully.
"No. Jail is too easy." DG tilted her head to one side. "Okay. What you did to this guy was rotten and you should be punished. But, here's the thing I don't think you have any idea what you did wrong. You don't seem to understand that power comes with great responsibility. So, you're not going to jail. What you are going to do is this: you will pay this man and his family reparations for what you did. That's not all. You will hand over your property and lands over to you're closet relative and then Lord Bingly, you will report to Mr. Vernic as a farm hand; for…oh… the next five annuals."
"You can't do this!" Yelped Bingly in dismay.
"You'll find that I can," DG said pleasantly. "We'll see if you learned anything in five annuals."
"It's not fair!"
DG sighed, "Lord Bingly you took everything from this man. You'd have left him and his family to starve. You don't get to talk about fair."
"Thank you," Mr. Vernic bowed on rickety legs.
"You won't be able to fire him no matter how awful a farmer he'll probably turn out to be," DG's voice was apologetic.
"You can't win them all," Mr. Vernic smiled wryly.
"You can't do this!"
"You'll grow as a person. Manual labor is good for the soul," DG called out cheerfully.
"Nicely done!" Az approved.
----
"Would you bless my new son," a new mother asked holding up a baby. "His name is Doro."
DG leaned towards Azkadelia, "Can we bless people?"
"Just follow my lead.
-----
"Mrs. Kamlin to you I award the gold ribbon for the best pie in entire O.Z." Azkadelia proclaimed grandly.
"I'll say," Glitch dug into pie with gusto.
----
"Okay, so one time Randy Beaman's cat ate this fish from the fishbowl, but the fish was a piranha. It lived inside the cat forever and the cat became…Piranha Cat. 'Kay Bye." The strange little boy bowed and toddled out the hall's tall doors.
"That was different," DG said.
----
"What is it?" Azkadelia said in wonder. She grabbed DG by the arm. "Don't try and pet it! Look at those teeth!"
Cain, gun out, circled the box with the large slathering tongue, sharp teeth and lots of little legs. The Tin Man knew a predator when he saw one.
"It's luggage," Ambrose said. "But, not as we know it."
----
"I don't think I'm so good at this," DG confessed to Azkadelia. "The whole judging thing and giving orders and stuff."
Az smiled, "Don't worry so much you're doing fine. You have plenty of time to get the hang of it. Anyway, it'll be years before you take the throne."
The silence that followed that was profound.
"What now!" DG turned a comical shade of mauve.
Cain's head shot up at DG's distressed tone.
"I can't be queen! You're the heir, the crown princess," DG all but yelled.
Az shrugged. "I don't think the people would accept me. There's too much pain associated with my person."
DG's eyes were wide with panic, "I'd make a horrible queen."
"Nonsense, you're better at this then you know." Az said stoutly.
Both girls fell into an uncomfortable silence.
"If you don't want it, and I damn sure don't why can't just put Ambrose in charge," DG's eye's were wide and serious.
"What!" Glitch all but fell out of his seat.
"Oh," breathed Az. "That could work!"
"No, it couldn't! No, it couldn't! With all due respect, not a chance." Ambrose said firmly.
"But, Ambrose," Az pleaded.
"Glitch…" DG started.
"Who was it who said not too long ago that with 'power comes responsibility?'?" Ambrose waved an admonishing finger in front of the royal noses.
He switched to Glitch, "Why don't you both rule jointly…nothing can stop you when you're together. At least I think so…"
DG and Azkadelia looked at each other. Rule jointly? Why hadn't they thought of that?
Big Block of Cheese Day is from the West Wing and is sadly not real.
From the Movie…I don't want to take credit for that blasted song, I get the thing stuck in my head very time I hear it. This is me sharing the annoyance.
King Saul of Biblical fame once coveted a vineyard so much that he had the owner murdered when he wouldn't sell.
Colin, that's the little boy, and Randy Beaman and Piranha Cat belong to Animaniacs.
The Luggage is from the Discworld.
In the books the Scarecrow was once made ruler of Oz.