Chapter 2: No One Really Likes Surprises

Sometimes living day-to-day is just a crutch.

If you aren't aiming for anything, then there's no pressure.

It's easier than putting yourself out there and trying to make a difference, trying to do something worth a damn. What if you fail?

Sometimes it can even be a kind of rebellion, like with me.

I could have done anything, been anyone, been successful, but I'm just stuck here.

A wasted genius of the worst kind. It was the ultimate screw you to everyone in my life who tried to push their beliefs and dreams onto me.

Screw you! Watch me stand still. Even if it means I miss out on what life has to offer.

They're probably just glad I am not still trying to kill myself.

The things we do for rebellion these days.

I packed my bag last night. I always do that; I shouldn't do that. I should've waited until this morning so I wouldn't have time to get so nervous. Sitting on the couch, the clock on the wall started ticking louder than it normally did, and my arms itched.

Why was it so loud?

Why were they so itchy?

I know why, or at least I think I do. The itch was because I was going to see Sophie for the first time since it happened. I was going to see my closest friend for the first time since I had tried to check out of this life early. Now I had these scars on my arms that extended from the crooks of my elbows to to my hands to the point that long sleeves wouldn't do much in hiding them. They were too obvious; she'd definitely say something about them. We'd have to talk about it now that she could see them, and we weren't speaking over the phone.

The last time we'd spent any real time together I had been able to hide my despondency like always, but now it would be all out there in the open for her to see. I know it was a mistake, a stupid mistake, but my mind was so tired of thinking and I just wanted to be done. It didn't work out, though. I guess I am kind of glad to still be around.

My mother said she called Sophie when I first got to the hospital that day to tell her about what I did, she said that Sophie sounded angry about it, but she never once said anything about it during our few talks of the phone since. I even tried to bring it up the last few times she called so that today wouldn't be so uncomfortable, but she'd change the subject or have to get off the phone. Maybe she just wants to pretend it didn't happen so that things can go back to normal between us. That would be nice, acting like it didn't happen. It would be nice to pretend my balloon never popped. Dahlia, an unpopped balloon, still happily floating. I wanted to talk to her about it back then, but I don't think I do anymore. Too much time has passed, I'm finally getting into a groove. The scars will fade eventually; there is no use reopening them.

The clock continued to tick, and I continued to resist scratching under my sleeves.

A while after my eyes glazed over there was a knock at the door.

A deep breath in. Fill your lungs and try not to worry so much. Let the worry float away, just like the doctor told you. This trip will be good for you, just like the doctor told you.

I walked with forcefully calm steps over to the door and pulled it open, smiling as soon as I saw her. "Sophie!"

"Sorry we took so long, Dahl." She immediately stepped into my apartment and wrapped me in a hug. I was so relieved. Nothing had changed, she was still my best friend. It was nice to feel happy for a change.

After my relief wore off I realized what she said. We. I couldn't hide the confusion in my voice as she stepped back, "We?"

"Oh, I thought I told you last night, but I guess I forgot." She motioned to a man, who was about our age, standing just outside the doorway. "This is Steven." She paused for a moment, giving me time to do a once-over, I suspect.

Immediately there was something that hit me the wrong way about him. It wasn't that he was unattractive or anything, there was just something about him that felt off. The way he was smiling, his eyes, they just weren't right. I took another deep breath in; you're just anxious because you weren't expecting anyone else. It's natural to be anxious sometimes, Dahlia. I shrugged off the feeling once she continued on.

"We started dating a few weeks ago, and since he's all into the outdoors and stuff I thought it might be cool to have him come with us." She seemed happy enough by the way she was looking at him and hanging on his arm. I guess I don't have to like him so long as she does, right? That's how these things work sometimes, or at least that's how they go on television. Friends don't always immediately like their friend's significant others.

"Soph's told me all about you." His voice was deep, with a cold edge that I chose to ignore for Sophie's sake.

"All good things," she hummed as she looked over to me for a split second before getting lost in his face again. That must be nice, feeling like that about anyone at all. I wonder if I'll get to have that. After the scars have faded, and I've learned to not think so much, then it will be easier for people to love me.

"That's… good, I guess," I cracked a smile as best I could, pushing my thoughts from my mind as I nodded to the bags by the door. "Well, all my stuff is right here."

As I reached to pick up the largest of the three, Steve's hand shot to the strap. "I'll get that for you." He was down the hall before I could object.

She grabbed the smaller of the bags and followed suit singing back to me, "Isn't he the sweetest?"

Sweet wasn't the word I was thinking of. Unnerving. That was the word. Transitive verb. To make someone lose courage or confidence. That was it. My confidence in this trip was lost. I'm not extraordinarily social on my best days, and now there was Steve. Steve and my heebie-jeebies about him.

After I'd thrown my last bag into the back with their gear I climbed into the back of the SUV, which had to have been Steve's, because Sophie would never own something that ate so much gas. Stop it, Dahlia. This is supposed to be a camping trip to clear your head. Stop freaking out and relax. I took another one of my therapist prescribed breaths and listened to my advice. This was a vacation from my vacation with my best friend. It will be fun, I just have to get all the cliché stuff out-of-the-way.

The car's engine roared to a start and I broke the silence. "So, where'd you guys meet?"

And so began the longest two hours I've spent in any vehicle in my existence.

Author's Note: First thank you for my very first story favorite, Fenrir of the North. [Crazy-cool username, by the way.] Also, thank you for my first ever review, Vaughn Tyler. I hope this next chapter warrants wanting more to read for anyone who stumbles upon this story, and feel free to give input via Review or PM. I'm a budding author, and FanFiction is a great way to work on my style/quality/character development/everything basically, so all constructive critique is welcomed. Thank you so much for reading!