I am so glad that you all loved the last few chapters I posted! I really liked Sadie Hawkins Dance... :3 Hope you enjoy this one as well.
All she can do is pretend. After a glimpse she is convinced it's him but it's not. Everyone on campus becomes a blur and she believes that he's there somewhere. She has a fantasy. Her fantasy is that one day that blur will be him. His smiling face getting closer to her surprised expression.
She wants to stop playing pretend. She wants to stop thinking about him. She wants to shut down. During class she'll focus but on the way back to her dorm. On the way to dinner. On the way to piano. Her thoughts often float back to him.
She climbs the stairs to her dorm slowly, her knees screaming for a break. Her wallet buzzes against the magnet as the door to her residence hall clicks open. She crosses the lobby to her wing door and slides her wallet for access. Her knees call out as each step is completed.
Her roommate isn't back from class yet so Madge reaches out to unlock the door. She pushes on the doorknob and lets herself in. The snowfall before was dull but now is a tornado outside her window. She sighs and drops her things on her desk.
Madge looked out the window. It was snowing harder and she could hardly make out the street lights below. She sighed and sat back on her bed. She closed her eyes and rested her head against the wall.
His hands on her hips. His smell. His quirky smile that made her squirm. His laugh.
She opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. She told herself they were bad dreams but in reality they weren't bad. They hurt. They tore her apart and wore her down like sandpaper on wood.
The soft breathing as he fell asleep next to her. The touch of his lips against her skin. When his arms wrapped around her. Not feeling so alone.
Everything felt so distant. It was strange. They had been through so much but it felt like years ago when it had only been a matter of months. Madge blinked up at the cracks in her ceiling. She told herself not to let the tears fall. She told herself he was happy. She told herself he was better off. She told herself that everything would be ok.
Madge closed her eyes and felt the fat warm tears flow over her cheeks. She bit her lip to stop it from trembling. She grasped her hands together in prayer. She looked outside and watched the snow fall. Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow she would stop pretending.
His bright eyes. His warmth. His constant support. His trust. His body as it molded into hers.
She wiped her eyes and let out a shaky breath. Madge massaged her temples and shook her head slowly. Madge turned away from the window for a moment then tried to make out the glow of the street light. That was him. The soft glow, distant and blurred. Much like Gatsby, Madge found herself yearning for the light at the end of the dock. It beckoned to her.
She's read the book though. There is no happy ending for the lost lover. They're left alone in a pool of their own tears. Wondering and over thinking. She watched the snow fall. Her breathing slowed. Her shoulders relaxed. She had to stop pretending.
This pretend that's been made up in the back of her head has been a crutch. She's been with another but it wasn't the same. She could see the darkness behind her eyes that came from her hidden emotions. The second time is different.
Madge grows nauseous thinking about it. His rough hands, his larger body, the desperate touches. It was wrong. It all felt wrong. The words died on her lips... pretend. She could pretend it never happened but it did. Her heart drums painfully as she reached out to his sweater.
Tomorrow was another day. Tomorrow she would be able to see the light through the snow fall. Tomorrow the game of pretend would stop and Madge could be the same again.
A little sad. A little depressing. Sorry :P
REQUEST!
Erin