"Nathan?"

Mara lowered the gun slowly, looking hesitantly at the familiar, beloved face that she'd missed so much. The closest tie she had to Duke.

But the chances that he'd be interested in anything she had to say, that he would even be willing to listen, were astronomical. He'd probably be afraid she was there to send Paige away.

To be fair, she was. But only to bring Audrey back.

He looked stunned and confused, and Mara suddenly remembered how different she looked. To her, she still was noticeably herself, but he was used to her looking exactly like Audrey, enough to fool him without having to try.

"It's me, Mara. I'm sorry, I got permission to come here. But..." She gazed at him, imagining why he was there- because he missed Duke and wanted to feel close to him. The same reason she was there. Her heart broke for him. "You're welcome to stay. I understand, and I won't get in the w-"

She didn't have time to back up or warn him or anything. His long legs had carried him over to her and he grabbed her up in his arms, holding onto her tightly as he buried his face in her hair.

Oh right. The boat might be the only tangible tie he had to Duke, but Mara was the closest tie he had to Audrey right now. She understood he was dating Paige, but he couldn't just hug her or cry on her. He had no space to grieve for Audrey when he was trying to make Paige comfortable. He was in a terrible position.

She carefully hugged him back, keeping her gun pointed away from him as she felt his tears slide down her skin; it was like they called to her own, until her hand was fisted in the back of his shirt and she was sobbing hysterically. They could have stayed like that for hours, just crying in each other's arms, but the baby chose that moment to kick, hard, right where Nathan was pressed tight against her.

He jerked back, the movement against her skin making her yelp and bend double, curling in on herself. Her vision went dark for a moment before she pulled herself together and managed to put the gun down. Nathan froze, staring at her. He took in the scars that appeared to be covering every inch of her skin except her face, her gaunt, haggard appearance and finally the large mound that used to be a flat stomach, and he took her hands in his carefully.

"Jesus Mara, what happened to you? How did you get hurt, are you in pain? How long have you been here? Why didn't you call?"

She took a second to catch her breath, then led him to the couch, pressing him to sit down before she eased down next to him.

"It's okay Nathan. Calm down, I'll answer whatever you need to ask. Oh hell, I should have thought to get it before I sat down, can you wait here for a second?" When he nodded, she stood slowly and went to the bedroom, grabbing the bottle of pills and a few of her sketchbooks, stopping in the kitchen to get a bottle of water for each of them- the only thing in the fridge she didn't need to throw away, container and all.

She sat gingerly next to Nathan, sliding to rest against the back of the couch. She shook out two pills, tossing them back with her water and putting both bottles down.

"So, you asked a bunch of questions. First, please understand that I'm not here to hurt anyone. I didn't contact you earlier for a lot of reasons. I only got here late this morning. I called the department and Laverne said... she said that Vince and Dave were dead. That Audrey was dead, that Duke was dead. I was so scared and so damned angry. I had so many questions but I was sure you would want me to leave you alone, that you wouldn't be willing to listen to me.

"So I decided to wait to talk to you. I'm so angry about Audrey. It was all for nothing if they leave Audrey stuck under the fake personalities like they did me. Even if someone intended to let Paige stay, she's not Audrey and it makes me so angry. Why should she be punished? And it is punishment. She fought so hard to get her own body, and she's the original in that body just like I was and am in this body. She deserves to be herself!

"Why should you be punished? Sure, you get James, but you're supposed to woo her all over again, and she's still not the woman you fell in love with, she isn't your partner. Why should you have to carry the memories alone, how could they make her forget Duke when he loved her so much? She deserves to have her own mind and memories. Duke deserves to be remembered! You all deserve better. I don't care what happens to me, but I'm tired of seeing you all hurt!"

She was getting worked up again, and she hoped the dilaudid kicked in before she scared Nathan off.

"I'm going to bring her back, Nathan. Paige is a nice girl, I'm not saying anything bad about her. But hearing about her, it was almost as bad as hearing that Duke... that he..."

Nathan put his hand over hers and she stopped talking, wiping at her eyes.

"You think you can bring her back?"

"I know I can. William pulled me up. There's no real difference in how it works, except there's only one, short term personality to push through. I already checked her out and talked to her, I know I can do it. I won't lose anyone else. I won't let you lose her."

She raised her head to look at Nathan defiantly. "I'm bringing Duke back. This whole situation was wrong, and no matter what anyone thinks, it happened because my mother was screwing around with you guys again. If I had been here, if I had pushed myself, just been faster then I could have saved them, Nathan. It's my fault. It's all my fault."

The tears were falling down her face again, but her voice was strong, and he pitied anyone who got in her way. "I will not let them keep Audrey locked up and mute in that body that she earned, the body that Duke gave her. I won't dishonor either of them that way. And my child will have a living father."

Nathan closed his eyes, his breath rasping as he spoke. "I can't believe you're pregnant. I'm glad. So glad. Do you know what you're having yet? How far are you?"

"I'm 26 weeks. Technically, I'm almost full term by my people's standards, but I don't know what the difference in Duke's genes will mean for the baby. I could go tomorrow or it could be 40 weeks like regular humans. I don't know what I'm having. I refuse to even scan myself, not without him here to see. He's always wanted kids, I won't leave him out of anything.

"That's why I'm going to find a way to bring him back before the birth. I don't think I could do it alone, even if I wanted to. I'm not in great condition. But I want him here. I've been traveling nonstop for weeks and weeks, just trying to get home, and I was too late. It's my responsibility to fix it."

Nathan looked so sad, but he quietly asked, "How did you get hurt, Mara? How did your body change?"

She put a hand to her belly where the baby was rolling, once again feeling like an octopus. It felt like she was getting jabbed in both sides of her ribs, her bladder, back, kidney and side all at once.

"That's kind of a silver lining story, I guess. When my mother had us on the ground, the whole rejoining bit? Neither of you were there to see, but she jabbed me with a hypodermic. Not sure what was in it, maybe a tranquilizer to make me more compliant or a paralytic to keep me still. Anyway, she never tried to combine us. She dispersed me. Lots of scientific jargon, but it basically rips you apart cell by cell and sends you floating away. In my case, to my mother's old lab in Mexico. One of the side effects is that it damages living tissue.

"When I woke up in Mexico, I was burned everywhere, burned black. The little skin I had left was actually charred, black and dead where the soft tissue wasn't blistered and peeling. A human would have died. I might have died, had it not been for the baby. We're so completely designed to protect our offspring that he wouldn't let me die. I couldn't walk, and I was repulsive- worse than I am now by far. I managed to heal my face, hands and feet. I've tried, but I can't get the rest of me any better. This is my body now. This ruined, untouchable husk. My exterior finally matches my interior.

"But when my body rebuilt itself, it used the original programming from my DNA, before Charlotte altered me in the Barn. So I got this agonizing, deformed shell, but at least it's mine."

Nathan looked green and horrified. "You're not repulsive, Mara. You're beautiful."

She managed a sweet, genuine smile. "Thank you. With enough clothes on, nobody can tell. For the most part, that's better, because making kids cry just walking by them... not good for your self-esteem. But the clothes- even the softest things I buy feel like razor wire. I sometimes wish I could Trouble myself. Make myself numb like you were."

"Is there anything I can do to help?"

Mara really considered. "I'd like your blessing to work on Audrey. I can't imagine after everything that you're okay with losing her, your partner, and having her replaced with a teacher- we know how Audrey is talking to kids, come on. Even if she doesn't understand how badly Charlotte screwed everyone and she hates me, I want her back. I'll still do it if you say no, but I'd rather be working with you."

He closed his eyes, looking older. "I like Paige. I do. I tried to kiss her a few days ago, and I touched her hair... my stomach hurt so bad I thought I'd be sick. I wanted to kiss Audrey, not someone else in Audrey's body. Learned my lesson with that the first time. I want her back, Mara. I want Duke back, too. Just tell me what to do. "

"Is it okay if I ask- do you come here a lot at night?"

"It's okay, ask me anything. Yes, I come almost every night. I have trouble sleeping. I try, but the pictures just run together and then I'm awake the rest of the night, thinking about everything. I can't get his face out of my mind, and I know, I could feel it when he saw the tattoo just before..." Nathan's voice caught on a sob and he scrubbed his hands over his face.

Mara's eyes flashed to the tattoo. She noticed for the first time that it looked damaged, like he'd been scrubbing at it with sandpaper. The image hurt her to look at, knowing how it had haunted Duke.

She tried very hard to keep her voice even and level as she said, "Nathan? May I please make that tattoo go away? I just- I never, ever want to see it on you again."

He held his arm out without hesitation, his eyes tormented. "Please," he begged, his voice hoarse, "do whatever you have to. I couldn't get it off, I tried. I haven't had time to find a laser place anywhere near here, and I just want it gone."

She laid her hand against the side of his face, trying to soothe him. "Hush, Nathan. I understand what you're saying and I know what you're feeling. Just relax and try to trust me. I'm going to make it all better." She wanted to hug him, to hold him and cry over him and just let him know that he wasn't alone. But she couldn't. So she did what she could.

She rolled her neck, moving one arm to hold his still as she spread her hand over the awful tattoo, calling the Aether to take it back and destroy it. Her breath came faster and he looked nervous, but held still. He was trusting her.

She pushed harder, finally exhaling and removing her hand to show the clean, undamaged skin of his arm. His shoulders sagged in relief and he reached out to hug her, checking his action just before he made contact and dropping his arms with a frown.

Mara moved forward, pressing her hands to his upper arms and squeezing as she pressed her cheek against his. The closest thing she could manage. She closed her eyes as she pressed against Nathan, grateful she at least had her hands and face. "It's going to be okay, Nathan. You should stay here tonight. I've got a plan, but I don't know if Paige will feel comfortable coming out to the docks this late. I don't want her coming in already scared."

Nathan kissed her cheek, nodding and wiping his eyes. "So what's your plan? I mean- I remember what William did to get you out from under Audrey, and..." He trailed off, frowning. Oh, Mara knew that look. He would break whatever codes or rules or laws existed to free Audrey, but he'd still feel guilty about them.

Mara actually laughed for a single breath. "I can actually see what you're thinking, Nathan. I don't know if you've gotten more transparent or I got better at reading you. Don't worry. We won't have to Trouble anyone. William doesn't really think things through. He was so set on making us find the answer ourselves, to trick Audrey into setting me free. He could have done things much easier, but he was like Vince and Dave."

Mara froze, remembering in a flash. Her face crumbled and the tears rose in her eyes. "Sorry. I got so used to them being here. I thought they'd live forever, I think. They were such a huge part of my life." She wiped her eyes and stretched her neck before the tears could fall. "What I mean to say is, to me, Paige is more disposable than Lexie was. I don't have to finesse around Paige to get to Audrey."

Nathan patted her hand in understanding. "So why did William make it so hard?"

Mara leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees as she folded her hands. "William was never as gifted as me, and I'm not trying to be insulting. People are born with certain gifts, and those gifts come in different strengths. Mental gifts like telepathy and precognition are the most common. The ability to manipulate natural elements is the least common. I fall into that category, so does William. It's why we can use Aether, because it's natural.

"William, if we wanted to discuss the math, is about 14% Aether. It's part of him, but a small part. He can adjust Troubles but not give them. Me, I'm about 80% the last time my mother was able to test me. More Aether than person. That means the body I shared with Audrey was 80%. William wouldn't use Aether to bring me up because he couldn't control the amount necessary. So he played his games, because he couldn't think of another answer. Audrey wouldn't listen to him. Not that I blame her, he was acting dumb. I was getting irritated with him myself, and it was me he was trying to help."

She sat up straight again, gently pulling the chemise away where it clung to her skin.

"Basically, what I'm saying is that I am strong enough to affect her directly. So we get her here, with you and me, and I use the Aether to free Audrey, to let her take her body back. She'll assimilate Paige just like I assimilated all those other personalities."

Nathan nodded thoughtfully. "What will happen to James?"

Mara swallowed hard. "Nothing. He'll stay just as he is, he's fine. You and Audrey can raise him together."

He gazed at her curiously. "Is he the same as he was, from before? I mean- genetically?"

Her shoulders sagged and she seemed to shrink, she was so incredibly sad that Nathan just stared, wanting to fix what was troubling her.

"Not exactly, Nathan. The original James was yours and mine. This James, he's still yours, but biologically he's Audrey's. He has no connection to me." Her voice was gentle, but still flat and dead in tone. It seemed more painful than the tears, which at least seemed to be healing.

"Mara... I don't understand. Why?"

"My only guess is punishment. For both of us in our own way, but this one more for me. I've been trying to figure it out, and all I can think is that my mother knew the dispersal wouldn't kill me, or she knew it was a possibility that I'd live, and she made contingency plans. She set up the dominoes so even if she died and I lived, I'd lose everything. Audrey overwritten, Vince gone, Dave and Duke dead. Anyone who ever cared abut me, anyone I loved ripped away. Making James Audrey's son took away the only link I had to you. She wanted me to be alone."

She couldn't look at him, didn't want to see the pity or revulsion in his eyes. She didn't move when he touched her hand.

"James isn't your only link to me. I know you're sad and scared, but you're not alone. Hell, Mara, I feel the same way. I don't have any idea what to do anymore. I'm trying to respect Audrey's choice to go into the Barn, but now she's back, but not herself. I miss her. I miss Duke. I'm lonely." He scrubbed his face with his hands, pushing them back up through his hair. He laughed a little.

"When I saw you standing there, when you said it was you, I thought, 'Finally, finally someone will understand.' and I just needed a hug. Doesn't matter that I can feel again if the people I want to feel are gone. The days don't get easier, either. They just get harder and harder."

Mara chanced a glance up at him. There was no judgement or sign of untruth in his eyes. "Yeah, I understand. You know, Paige let me hold James. Through clothes, it hurts just like anything else, but when he touched my skin, there was no pain at all." She traced a finger over the spot on her arms where James had touched her, not even letting her own finger make contact.

"Why do you think that is?" Nathan asked.

"I can only guess. But again, I think of my mother and I think it's punishment. Take him away from me and make him someone else's, but make him the only one who can touch me. So I would always yearn to hug him or hold him, but would never be able to. That's what I think."

Nathan looked sick and horrified, but it didn't look like mindless pity. It looked like maybe he finally understood the depth of Charlotte's perversity.

"We'll make it better, Mara. When Audrey is back, we'll all talk. You should be a part of his life."

She shrugged, uncomfortable. "We should get some sleep. Where do you normally sleep when you stay here?"

Nathan blushed. "In Duke's bed. I can take the couch, though."

Mara shook her head, rolling her eyes. "You can feel again. If you sleep on the couch you'll be begging for your Trouble back by morning. I don't move when I sleep, we can share the bed. There's nothing to be anxious about, I'm the size of water buffalo and I can't be touched. We're both here because we want to be close to Duke. We can be adults."

Nathan nodded, but he was blushing. Mara reached out to take another pill, grabbing up her things to take back to the bedroom. Nathan followed.

"Hey, how'd you end up on the Rouge anyway?"

She looked up at him from where she was stuffing things back into her bag. "First person I went to when I got here was Gloria. She told me that Duke had left her the boat, and I offered to buy it. She said that because this is Duke's baby, the boat and car should go to me. Gave me the keys and deed, but said I could keep it in her name if I needed to. I didn't want to go anywhere else."

She pulled out a small toiletry bag and some clothes, but stopped to look in Duke's closet, running her hands over everything until she found the softest, thinnest, most-worn shirt she could. Taking it from the hanger, she said, "I have to shower. Been on the road for weeks. Make yourself comfortable."

Walking into the bathroom, Mara shook her head. How very strange that after all the years and pain between them, after their child had been brought back but given to another mother, that she would finally be in a position to sleep next to Nathan.

It was funnier still that she was so completely in love with someone else. The universe had a truly twisted sense of humor. But it would be nice to sleep in a bed, and nice to be next to someone who understood her pain. Tomorrow she'd bring Audrey back, but tonight maybe her presence would soothe Nathan.

That's what Duke would want.