A/N: This has been done for like a year. More on that below.
Uchiha,
Awfully full of ourselves, now aren't we? When I said "Pretty Sharingan eyes" I didn't mean it in the sense that they were beautiful…or that you were beautiful- which you aren't. ( okay fine, that was me blatantly lying. But that's all I'm saying on the subject because your ego does not need to be fed anymore, so suck it. )
Secondly, you only saw me for about five minutes- probably less before Naruto and Kakashi-sensei pummeled the body you hijacked into the ground, so what would you know about my looks? I can only assume that your sudden infatuation with me is either fake or you really ARE that crazy.
I'm going to go with the first option because while you're certainly not wholly sane, you also aren't a complete lunatic… (I think? I mean it's not like you go around screaming that the Uchiha massacre was a conspiracy or anything. At least you've owned up to it more or less.)
So with that allow me to say this: Don't take me for an idiot, I've got a pretty good idea what you're up to and I'm not going to be used by you or your criminal organization, but by all means try your best and fail.
Since I'm sure you'll deny everything I just said, hypothetically speaking if- IF your feelings were genuine and I were interested in pursuing a relationship with you, how exactly would that work out, hmm? Me a loyal Kunoichi who's best friend you're determined to basically suck the life out of and you, a criminal who betrayed his village, a man who murdered off nearly his whole family because (As you so delicately put it) you didn't give a damn about them? What happens when our relationship goes sour? My head gets loped off, that's what. (That or BAM! mind-rape Tsukuyomi style.) Hell if you suddenly lose interest in me and stop caring about me like you did your family? DEAD.
What happens if I identically break your favorite teacup, katon to the face?
No fucking thank you- DO. NOT. WANT.
I'd like to get married, have kids, and enjoy a nice longhappy relationship with whoever is unlucky enough to fall in love with me ( After making a name for myself of course…Can't waste all that hard work training by becoming some dude's baby maker. ) Now, that brings us to Naruto. Don't think I didn't notice that threat you made against him! Nice way of "Wooing" you have there- it would be more beneficial to your cause if you left him alone, but since neither of us are serious about this whole debacle, Let's get this straight; the situation between Him and I is very complicated. We're good friends- best friends! I'd do just about anything for him. I…Well… I don't want to jeopardize anything. That's all I have to say about that, but If I DID want things to change between the two of us, nothing you or anyone else could do would keep me from doing so.
Especially not threatening him.
That crow you sent is giving me the creeps. It follows me everywhere, it was in my bedroom watching me sleep last night…I woke up with it an inch away from my face. AT LEAST TEACH IT TO RESPECT A PERSON'S PERSONAL BUBBLE.
…What? The security is the same? What dumbass is running that department? (I have no comment on the age of consent issue…except: Whatever, you creep.)
Alright I'll bite, why did you do it? You say that you were perfectly normal, and then the next day you decided to hack everyone who loved you to pieces? Why? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't curious…but Its likely I won't believe whatever crazy explanation you give me.
- Doubting everything you say,
Haruno Sakura
P.S: Sasuke seems to think you want to revive the clan on your own and that I should "Keep my legs closed."
My response to both of you: Fuck you and I mean that in the way where no sex is involved whatsoever. Just to be clear.
Sakura,
Hormones? Who needs them? They only lead to trouble, just take a look at your current situation.
Don't place Itachi in the same category as other human beings…. A least not normal ones. That guy is the devil made real, and any children he has will be calamities on the thing known as humanity. Seriously, why else would he be interested in a pink haired nobody like you? He's up to something. You think you're the one using him, but it's the other way around. You're out of your league with him.
My decision making skills are fine, I'm not the one chumming it up with a murderous, antagonistic asshole. As for my sense of fashion at least I wear clothes that don't clash with my natural coloring. Pink and red? Naruto's old Orange blue and white monstrosity? Just thinking about it makes me want to vomit. I guess one good thing can be said about my replacement; he has enough sense to wear appropriate colors…but that belly shirt practically screams "I'm gay!" ( and people have the nerve to comment on that accidental kiss?)
If you think that crow is frightening imagine coming home to find Itachi sitting on your couch, drinking a beer as your parents bleed all over your nice hardwood floor.
The day that I feel intimidated by you will be the day I stop desiring Itachi's death and begin preaching brotherly love and forgiveness.
In other words: Never. (I refuse to acknowledge the dig you made about bed wetting because it never happened.)
…Do you want to die?
No? Then don't talk about my mom ever again. Or I'll Chidori yours through the chest and see how you like it.
-Very displeased with you,
Uchiha Sasuke.
P.S I've enclosed a Letter for you to forward to Itachi. I would not advise touching it directly, it may or may not be poisoned. (only warned you because I had to, otherwise the letter will never make it to its destination. Don't get the wrong Idea, I don't care about you. ) I only sent you a hawk this time because it could beat the shit out of Itachi's lame ass crow.
To that soon to be dead Dickwad who once shared the same womb as me,
You reading this? Good. It's poisoned; enjoy asphyxiating on your own blood.
- The last Uchiha,
Sasuke.
Dear Otouto,
Better luck next time.
One shouldn't count their eggs before they hatch lest they be disappointed by the results.
Kisame opened the envelope against my suggestions. As it turns out he has quite the high tolerance for poison but he will require a few days of bed rest. I'll be sure to send him your regards.
I must admit how pleased I am that you've written me, it's been a long time since we've talked. We should use this opportunity to catch up. You may have a new sister soon, isn't that exciting? There hasn't been a wedding in the family since…well, since I killed everyone. Perhaps we should all meet for tea sometime soon? It seems appropriate. I'll check my schedule and run it by Sakura.
I must say I worry for you…all alone with Orochimaru, I thought that you understood that little talk you and I had about pedophiles? Just because he replaced candy with power doesn't change the facts.
But, it's important to own up to your own mistakes and admit that you need help, so know that when you want my help all you have to do is ask.
You know I really regret how things happened Sasuke…but believe me when I say I did it all with you in mind. Well, maybe not all of it. Half and half...
- Always you're loving brother,
Uchiha Itachi.
P.S: You obviously need more hatred in your diet, let's play together soon, okay? Also, don't forget to wash behind your ears and if the bed wetting is still an issue, just don't drink anything before bed.
Naruto-kun,
Name calling? Somehow I'm not surprised. For someone who wishes to claim the exalted position of Hokage, you lack the political finesse to achieve such a feat.
It seems I've had a sudden boost in popularity, I haven't received this many letters since before I defected. You and my Otouto have much in common….You have a tendency to assume things without any proof. Well as the good sport that I am I'll give you the same consideration I've given Sasuke and everyone else who thinks to come up against me…
May the best man win.
-Wishing you luck,
Uchiha Itachi
Dear Sakura,
There's no need for you to feel shy about finding me physically attractive and enigmatic. It's perfectly natural, what exactly would you like me to suck? You were not very descriptive.
The amount of time I saw you does not matter, the sharingan equates to a photographic memory. In other words I'll never forget how stunning you looked that day with the sun striking your eyes just right. They truly looked like boric fire.
Uchiha have always had a fondness for fire, as everyone knows.
It pains me to know how insecure you are. It means that someone must have hurt you quite badly in the past which is a true tragedy. I would like to point out that there has always been a fine line between genius and insanity and it's highly probably that I have one foot on either side but that does not mean that I am "playing" you.
I'm perfectly serious about my intentions. A conspiracy? I wonder about that…despite what I told Sasuke that night I did have a perfectly good reason for the things that I did besides wanting to test my mettle. I would prefer not to divulge them on paper. When you and I meet next we'll have a nice long talk about that night, I promise. Until then, let's let the subject rest, shall we?
In the meantime let me assure you if things between myself and you ended badly it wouldn't necessitate me killing you...unless of course it was because you were disloyal. That's why I like you so much…you're loyal.
If you broke my favorite teacup, I'd simply ask for repayment of the physical kind, and by that I mean in a manner that is mutual beneficial. If you catch my meaning.
When the time comes that you and I are ready to start a family, I'll make the appropriate arrangements, until then please rest easy. Don't fret, I'll respect your wishes whatever they may be.
So the situation between Naruto and yourself could be summarized as thus: If you weren't afraid of running the relationship with him that you currently have you would considering him as a potential life partner, but as it is the likely hood of any advancement is low, which is encouraging to hear.
Sakura, If I really wanted the Kyuubi that badly I would have taken him long ago. Consider the defenses of your village, the fact that on numerous occasions I have simply walked away from fighting and tell me that I seem particularly dedicated to collected Bijuu, and I will have to call you naïve.
There is more to see than what the eyes can perceive, whether they be yours or mine.
Crows are typically aloof towards newcomers…to get so close to you speaks volumes to its opinion on you. I'm impressed…
Although I'm sure my promises mean nothing to you, I vow that everything I've said thus far is the truth. The most I've done so far is omit details and I will do my best not to blatantly lie to you but there are some things that are better said in person.
The person running the defense department would be Danzou, and he has his reasons for keeping the security measures the same, foolish as they are.
-Truthfully yours,
Uchiha Itachi
Okay, So I am so sorry for everyone who has been waiting patiently for updates to Queen's Gambit, Carnal, Weaseled Away, Pawsability, Letters and whatever other story you love and have been waiting for an update for.
Its just been really bad for me with health concerns and me just in general not being in a very good mental/physical place so everything else has suffered as well.
Not to worry though, I'm slowly making my way out of the mire and updates are coming soon.
On another note; Whoa. I'm really not sure what to think about Kishi's writing anymore. Ever since the Akatsuki got killed it feels like the series is losing momentum. Such a shame too...but Sakura and Naruto are still freaking boss and hey! Yamato finally showed up...After like a year of being MIA. ( I guess Yamato and I are kindred spirits...)
So again Updates are coming all around with Queen's Gambit is at top priority, followed by Carnal and WA.