Disclaimer: If I owned it, I'd be fired by now for writing this way.
BIG FAT WARNING: Sasuke does not look good in this chapter. I like him, and I'm not trying to bash him. He's going to grow up, but he's going to have a bumpy ride along the way, so be prepared.
Moving On
Chapter Two
By Michiru's Mirror
It had taken Sasuke much longer than he'd intended to kill his brother, but he finally managed it late in his thirty-first year.
After killing Itachi, Sasuke had been left with only one goal: the restoration of the Uchiha clan. At age thirty-two, he had returned to Konoha and told Tsunade that he was going to set up a harem of good, strong ninja females in the old Uchiha district. They would have to be under the age of twenty for maximum breeding potential, and give up active ninja duty so they could live full time in the compound to raise his babies and help restore his clan to greatness.
Sasuke had been surprised when an obviously amused Tsunade granted her permission. He had expected more resistance from a woman with such obviously feminist leanings, and had in fact wanted to avoid asking her at all. Unfortunately he was forced to, as betraying Konoha the way he had had left him in very hot water. Now he had to ask for permission to do anything more complicated then going to the bathroom.
He was grateful to have Tsunade's okay, but he couldn't understand why she seemed so willing to let him make pets out of her best female warriors—for he intended to ask only the best.
Sasuke very quickly came to realize not only why Tsunade had given him permission, but why she'd found his request so funny: strong ninja females with thriving careers and their pick of mates in a village that had almost two-thirds as many men as women were not willing to become concubines. They ranged from amused to offended to downright disgusted at the very idea, and after Sasuke had been punched for the sixth time he began to realize that he hadn't thought his plan through quite as thoroughly as he'd figured.
Sasuke had been astounded to realize this. Was he not the rich, handsome Uchiha heir? He had his own fan club for Pete's sake, and many of the women who had hit him had been in it! It had never even crossed his mind that it might be a challenge to make women submit to him. As long as you kept a woman clothed in modern fashion and satisfied her sexually, she was supposed to be content.
There were some females who were happy to flock to him—childish, air headed girls who desired to become the trophies of a handsome, rich husband. The advantage of these was their youth and their stupidity. They would bear him many children and not complain because they didn't have the intelligence to do so. But those same qualities acted against him because it meant that they wouldn't be able to handle the staggering task of rebuilding the Uchiha clan financially and socially. Worse, such girls were universally weaklings. They would bear him pathetic children, and wouldn't be able to raise them properly with air between their ears.
The only acceptable females willing to give up everything he asked for wanted monogamy in return. Sasuke was left with a choice: one wife who would bear him good, strong heirs and help him restore his clan, or a harem of airheads who would give him the quantity of offspring that he desired but were useless for anything else.
After about a year of searching every avenue, interviewing every available kunoichi and going through the Uchiha finances with a fine-tooth comb, Sasuke decided to settle with one woman. He chose a fifteen year old Hyuuga from the academy; when Sakura asked him why Sasuke said it was for her fertility, bloodline limit, and the link she could offer him with the Hyuuga clan. She had pointed out to him that childbirth was dangerous to girls under the age of eighteen, but Sasuke was unconcerned. He could afford good medical care for her, and with just one wife he couldn't waste any time. A woman could have three children with a fourth on the way in three years. If he took a bride who was eighteen, he'd lose those three heirs.
The girl herself—Sakura thought her name was Momoko—had been thrilled to give up her life and career for Sasuke. Sure he was taciturn and cold and said he didn't see her as anything other than his baby machine, but that was just because he'd never been shown love. Once she made it clear to him that she adored and worshipped him he would snap out of it and come to appreciate her.
Sakura wound up liking the girl out of pure pity. At age twelve she had believed the same thing, and if Sasuke hadn't left Konoha the way he had she probably still would have believed it at Momoko's age. Watching the girl caused a stab of almost physical pain to savage Sakura's gut. She never appreciated Naruto more than when she saw Momoko fawning over Sasuke as he told her how annoying she was.
All of Konoha expected little baby Uchihas to begin popping out a year after the marriage at the latest. No one thought that two years would go by with no children, and yet that was exactly what happened.
So when Sasuke stepped into Sakura's Konoha Hospital office on the morning after her date/counseling session with Naruto, she knew what was coming. Sasuke had either come to her as a medic to ask for help with Momoko's apparent sterility, or he had come to her as a nerd who knew everything about everything to ask about how to legally dump his useless baby machine by the roadside so he could get a new one.
Sakura groaned internally. She didn't need this. She'd woken up feeling so satisfied. Naruto had been as good as his word the night before, and the sex had been nice and sweet and fun. On top of that she'd been able to wake up naturally due to an unusually late starting shift and have breakfast with Ino for the first time in three months. She'd come to work content, happy and relaxed only to have the walking psychological disaster that was Uchiha Sasuke show up before she'd even gotten her morning coffee.
Sakura loved Sasuke more than anyone on earth except for Naruto himself, but there were definitely times that she didn't want to see him.
But she did love him as a brother and teammate and friend, and so there was just no way she could abandon him in his hour of need. Though she was going to murder him if he hurt poor, deluded Momoko.
"Sasuke-kun," she greeted him. "I was just about to have some coffee. Do you want some?"
"Caffeine is bad for you," he said, but made no attempt to stop Sakura from going over to the little coffee maker on top of the file cabinets. "Can I sit down?"
"Of course."
Neither of them spoke as Sasuke took his seat and Sakura poured coffee into her mug. Sakura was surprised, as Sasuke had never been one to refrain from speaking his mind.
"So," Sakura said, moving behind her desk with her large coffee mug. "What I can I do for you?"
To her utter astonishment, Sasuke actually looked nervous. He was tapping his knee, his forehead was creased, and he couldn't meet her gaze for the first time in living memory.
"Sasuke-kun?" said Sakura. She was growing worried.
"You know I need to rebuild my clan," said Sasuke abruptly. He began to tap his foot on the ground, refusing to look at her. "It's the most important thing in the world—the only thing I have left to do that matters. I'll do anything to see the Uchiha name brought back to glory. Anything."
Here it came. Sakura sighed and put down her coffee mug, hoping against hope that she could at least talk Sasuke into breaking the divorce to poor Momoko gently.
"I know, Sasuke-kun. I think—"
"Even," Sasuke interrupted and then paused. "Even if I have to humiliate myself."
Sakura paused. That definitely wasn't what she was expecting.
Suddenly Sasuke was glaring at her so fiercely that she was taken aback. For a second Sakura was almost afraid of the rage in his eyes. "This conversation won't leave this room, got it? If I find out you've told anyone, even that moron you sleep with—"
The fear left her then. This was just Sasuke and he had no right to talk to her like that. "Don't you threaten me! Both this office and my friendship with you are sacred Sasuke-kun. I don't break confidentiality either professionally or personally!"
Sasuke's gaze was cold, but he relaxed just slightly and leaned back in his chair. He owed her an apology, but Sakura knew better than to expect one.
"Okay," Sasuke said. Then, "Okay," again, like he was having trouble figuring out how to say anything else.
By now Sakura was growing alarmed. "Sasuke-kun, what is it? Are you in some kind of danger? Is Momoko-chan sick?"
There was a long pause.
"I'm sick," said Sasuke at length. "It's me who's sick."
"Okay," said Sakura trying to be soothing. "That's fine, this is certainly the right place to come in that case. I'll just need you to describe your symptoms to me, and then we can figure out—"
"I think I'm impotent."
Sakura dropped her coffee mug.
It was the day of Naruto and Tsunade's Big Weekly Blowup.
Naruto wished it didn't have to be today. He'd woken up feeling so satisfied. The talk with Sakura had calmed his mind and the sex afterward had been the best they'd had all year. He had even gotten to wake up beside her, a rare pleasure given that she was almost always awake before him to attend to her hospital duties.
But the BWB happened when it happened, and over the past two years Naruto had learned that he couldn't stop it anymore than he could keep Sakura from being a yaoi fan. Sometimes Naruto was able to hold it off until he and the Godaime were in a secluded area, but today was not one of those days.
The worst part was that it wasn't just one fight like it had been last week. At that time Naruto had made the mistake of calling Tsunade "Baa-chan" in front of a visiting ambassador and then had to duck quickly to avoid her fists.
Never, never disrespect me like that in front of important visitors! She had roared at him after the ambassador had left. If I look like I can't control my staff I look weak, and didn't I tell you what would happen if other villages thought Konoha was weak?
No, this week it was two fights back to back, and it made last week look like a mild argument.
It had begun that morning when a young chuunin medic had been brought in to be disciplined. Between Tsunade's harsh words and the poor girl's frightened squeaks, Naruto was able to make out that the girl was going to be punished…for saving her friend's life.
"Wait, wait, wait," Naruto said. "Why are you giving her shit for doing her job?"
Tsunade gave him the aggravated look she always gave him when she thought he'd said something stupid. "I'm giving her shit for not doing her job you idiot. When she acted to save her friend she left her post, and that left the rest of her cell without their medic. To save this one friend she left three others defenseless—they could have died."
"Well did they die?" Naruto asked.
"No, thank God, but that's not the point. They could have."
"So she acted to save her friend, and did save her friend, and nobody died and you're punishing her?"
Tsunade was almost literally gnashing her teeth. "That isn't the point! People might well see that this girl was lucky breaking the rules and try it themselves, but those rules are in place for a reason. We can't have people breaking them as they please!"
"So you're turning her into an example? She was just trying to save someone precious to her!"
"SHIZUNE!" Tsunade roared so loudly that both the terrified chuunin and Naruto jumped. Shizune appeared in the doorway so quickly she must have broken something getting there. "Get this moron out of my sight before I bash his head in!"
Shizune firmly grasped the furiously spluttering Naruto's arm and lead him bodily from the office before he could make the situation worse. "Naruto-san," she said, "You cannot work in Tsunade-shishou's office if you can't behave yourself. Arguments like that should be saved for when there aren't others in the room."
"Yeah, well. Maybe I won't work in her fucking office anymore then!"
Shizune's mouth fell open and strands of her graying hair fell into her eyes as she jerked back from Naruto's wrathful visage. For a moment the two jounin stared at each other while Naruto's words sank in.
"You don't mean that," said Shizune quietly.
"…No, I guess I don't," said Naruto grudgingly, not at all sure that Shizune was right but saying what she wanted to hear anyway. He could hardly tell her the truth, that he didn't have a clue of what he wanted these days.
So he sat on a stool next to Shizune's desk and went back to making checkmarks on pieces of paper. But it was harder then before because he couldn't concentrate for the rage he felt at Tsunade and her cruelty.
Naruto did his best to use the breathing exercises Sakura had taught him to calm himself down and concentrate on the task at hand. If he was sloppy about which teams he assigned to which missions, he could get the three man cell or the client killed.
Naruto wasn't thrilled about the responsibility. He had never had any problem giving orders on the battlefield, one of the things that made him such an exceptional ANBU captain. If an order he gave went wrong he could fix it with his own hands on the spot. But here in an office with a pen, if he made a mistake other people had to clean up his mess…or die. The best he could do was concentrate and match a team or individual shinobi to each mission as skillfully as he could.
He always hated it when an assassination mission came up. It was one thing if the target was a corrupt landlord bleeding his tenants dry, but just as often the corrupt landlord was the client hiring a ninja to kill somebody totally innocent.
Ninja were trained to be tools and ideally could do any job without emotion. In reality there were many shinobi, even ANBU, not suited to cold-blooded murder. It took a special person to be able to stare down a starving peasant who was trying to convince his fellows to stand up for the right to eat once a day and stab him to death.
Naruto grimaced as he uncovered just such a mission from his IN pile. Great, some poor sop from Nami no Kuni named Inari was being targeted by a rich daimyo.
Wait.
Inari?
Inari?
Holy fuck!
Naruto jumped up abruptly enough to knock over his stool just as the door to Tsunade's office opened and the chuunin from earlier came bursting out in tears.
Tsunade was hot on her heels, a murderous look twisting her lovely features into something terrible. "Uzumaki Naruto, you get your lopsided ass right back in here!"
"Forget that, Baa-chan! Take a look at this!" Naruto thrust the paper in her face.
Still scowling, but giving Naruto enough credit to assume that he wouldn't try to change the subject without a good reason, Tsunade snatched the paper and looked it over. "So?" she said.
Naruto felt anger stir inside of him before he remembered that the Godaime had been away from the village during Team Seven's mission to Nami no Kuni. She wouldn't know who Inari was.
"The target boy—well, he's not a boy anymore, but he was—that guy is a former client and a friend to Konoha!"
Tsunade sighed. "Just because he was an employer once doesn't make him a friend, Naruto. He's just a former client, like you said. The client now is the daimyo who's paying the bills."
And thus began the second Big Weekly Blowup of the day.
This was a nightmare. If he did nothing, Inari would die. If he went to save him, he'd put a political blight on Konoha and the village would get a reputation for infighting. The only chance Inari had was for the shinobi assigned to kill him to turn down the job. It was rare for that to happen, as refusing missions went on one's permanent record and brought shame.
But Naruto knew the man who had been given the assignment. There was little chance of talking him out of doing his job, but he had to try.
Naruto left Tsunade's office an hour early and went east towards Tanabe's yakiniku restaurant.
"Oh Sasuke-kun, come on—"
"Fuck you."
"No, really, I'm sorry, I am!"
"Let. Me. Go."
"Sasuke-kun, if you'll just sit down—I didn't mean to laugh at you I was just so surprised—"
"I pity your other patients if you think that's acceptable."
"No, Sasuke-kun of course I don't and I'm really, really sorry! It's not the, uh, the impotence, it's that it's you, the man girls of all ages have wet dreams about, can't you see the irony? It's the irony that got me, that's all! Impotence isn't at all something to worry about, lots and lots of men have the problem!"
Sasuke finally stopped trying to knock Sakura away from him and instead looked at her as though trying to decide whether or not to trust her word.
"I'm serious," said Sakura firmly. Of course, most men who had the problem were many years older than Sasuke, but she didn't bother to tell him that. The way he was acting he might well go out and kill someone if he figured that out. "Come on Sasuke-kun just sit down. Please?"
Sasuke was giving her that resentful glare again. "If you laugh at me again…"
Sakura decided to let the threat go this time. She deserved it after laughing the way she had—after all, she'd be devastated if she went to a friend for help with a debilitating and embarrassing problem and got laughed at.
She nodded to show that she understood and moved back behind her desk. Cleaning up the remains of her mug gave Sasuke time to compose himself. Sakura didn't want coffee anymore anyway—she was pretty well awake after hearing what she had.
"All right," said Sakura once she'd thrown the shattered remnants of the mug in the trash. "Now, what makes you think you're impotent?"
The way Sasuke twitched at the word impotent convinced Sakura not to say it again.
"I've never had an erection in my life, that's a good clue," he snapped.
Sakura understood that his anger wasn't directed towards her, not really. Being mortified often made people angry, and he wasn't the first or the last patient who'd take his frustration out on his doctor.
So she just nodded, fully into Professional Mode. "And I assume you've tried out ways to…help yourself along?"
"Before marriage I never bothered—hell, I never even thought about it—but since Momoko yes, I've tried everything. Pills, herbs, special food…she and I tried changing the mood, the position, the time of day, and I've been to four of the most expensive prostitutes in Fire Country who apparently never had an unsatisfied customer until I came along."
Sakura's first instinct was to bash Sasuke's head in for cheating on his wife, but the way he was sunk into his seat tapping his knee and refusing to meet her gaze made her so sorry for him that she couldn't do it.
"Well, let me ask you this, and please don't get mad at me…but could it be that you're not attracted to girls?"
Sasuke stared at her frostily. "What does being attracted have to do with it? I'm not 'attracted' to anyone."
…Huh?
"Wait, you're not attracted to anyone at all? Male or female?"
"No," said Sasuke.
"Of any age?"
"No."
"Dead or alive?"
Sasuke was looking increasingly irritated. "What does that matter? I don't get along with people, you know that."
"It's just…" Sakura paused, trying to think of how to word her next question. "Sasuke-kun, have you ever wanted to have intercourse? Not even with a particular person, but just felt the desire to have sex?"
Sasuke frowned at her. "Of course not. I was always too busy for that."
Sakura's mind boggled. "Sasuke-kun, usually it's not about being busy. I mean a busy guy who's putting all of his effort into his work will see a decrease in his sex drive, but no matter how involved he is, to have never once felt any sexual desire at all is…uncommon."
Sasuke looked genuinely surprised. "Really?"
"Yes, particularly through your teenage years and early twenties." Sakura frowned and thought back through the cases of impotence she'd seen in her decades as a medic. "Let me ask you one more thing. You have no attraction at all to any man or woman, right?"
Sasuke nodded.
"But I remember when I was really little I grew my hair out because I'd heard you had a thing for girls with long hair. Was that just a rumor?"
Sasuke looked irritated again. "Why are you trying to boost your ego now? You're too old Sakura, I told you."
He's just lashing out because he's embarrassed…you can't kill him… "Just answer me."
Sasuke sighed, scowling deeper. "I think so. I remember…when I was seven or so I saw this teenage girl with really long hair walk by me and…"
"You felt attracted to her?"
Sasuke was obviously becoming increasingly uncomfortable. "I suppose."
Sakura leaned back and considered what she'd been told. If Sasuke had liked girls when he was a child but stopped after his family had been killed, that suggested a psychological problem rather than a physical one. If that was the case he'd need extensive therapy, and even that might not help if the damage was deep enough. God help the Uchiha clan in that case.
Oh well, no need to worry about that until she determined whether or not there was a physical problem. "All right Sasuke-kun," said Sakura as she stood up from behind her desk. "I'm going to give you over to the nurses for some simple tests—"
"NO." Sasuke's voice was so forceful Sakura wound up taken aback for the third time in ten minutes. "Sakura, you can't tell anyone. No nurses, no other doctors—I don't even want any paperwork."
Sakura blinked rapidly. "But Sasuke-kun, that goes against every Hospital regulation…and if you're going off of my opinion only you'll get much worse results than if you talk to a few doctors and medics with expertise in impo…uh…male problems."
"I don't care." Sasuke had his mouth set into a thin line and his arms crossed over his chest like a pouting child fighting his mother over eating his vegetables. "I'll pay you, you won't be working for free. But no one but you can know about this."
Sakura was almost flattered until she remembered that Sasuke hadn't planned on telling her either. He'd only come forward out of desperation.
Sakura calculated the hours of overtime and amount of sneaking around with Hospital equipment she was going to have to do and almost wanted to cry. It had been less than a year since she had been made Head Medic, and in between setting everything up and missions she was already having trouble making time for Naruto and Ino. This was going to ensure that she wouldn't to be sleeping at home (or at all) for at least the next month.
But she looked at Sasuke's face and simply couldn't say no. He was more humiliated then he'd ever thought he could be, but more importantly he was terrified. Since the age of eight he'd dedicated his every waking moment to the needs of his clan. He had driven away friends, destroyed people's lives and ripped his own soul into shreds in the pursuit of that one target. Now, almost three decades later, it was beginning to look like all of his effort was going to have been for nothing. A ninja rarely lived past his forties—hell, a lot of them didn't make it into their thirties—and that meant Sasuke was running out of time to achieve the only goal he'd ever set for himself. The Uchiha clan would disappear into history lessons that children would sleep through and he himself would be remembered as a failure that wasted his life in pursuit of an impossible dream.
Sasuke was so frightened of this that he was throwing away his pride, and Sakura just couldn't bring herself to turn him down.
So she put her head in her hands for a moment, fighting back tears of frustration and helplessness before meeting Sasuke's gaze again.
"All right," she said in a weary voice. "You need to come back tomorrow after six o'clock. I'll be waiting for you in here to do some tests. If you complain at all about the type of tests or my methods or can't meet my schedule I swear to God I'll kick you out and leave you on your own. Got it?"
Sasuke agreed without a whimper, and though he didn't say it out loud, the look of gratitude on his face was very clear. She was suddenly exhausted enough to sleep for days.
Maybe she could use some coffee after all.
Naruto arrived at Tanabe's yakiniku restaurant just as it opened for dinner. The most popular spot for yaki-anything in all of Konoha, Tanabe's never failed to have lines of people waiting outside the door every night. By the time Naruto arrived the small wooden building was packed to capacity and he was forced to squeeze between a dozen small tables before he reached the one he was aiming for.
Just as he had for several years, Naruto had trouble reconciling the Inuzuka Kiba sitting before him with the one he'd used to know. Grizzled and scarred, Kiba was a one-armed, one-eyed wrinkled man who looked some twenty years older than he was. Perhaps what Naruto had the most trouble adjusting to was the absence of Kiba's loyal companion Akamaru, who had died seven years before.
He wasn't the only one. In a single week Kiba lost Akamaru to an exploding tag, his lover Shino to enemy Oto ninja, and a dozen members of his family to an accident during a diplomatic mission including his beloved mother and elder sister.
Though it broke the hearts of all Kiba's friends, no one was the slightest bit surprised when Kiba suffered a complete nervous breakdown and had to be carted off to Konoha Hospital for round-the-clock care. He wasn't released for a year, an astonishingly long time for a ninja. There were more than a few grumbles about the "spoiled" Inuzuka acting as though he was the only one who had ever lost a loved one. None of the Rookie Nine were among the detractors, but the complaints still reached Kiba's ears. The guilt, when added to the grief, made it impossible for Kiba to regain his old carefree nature.
He was released from Konoha Hospital a bitter and broken man. Where before he had constantly been mistaken for being a decade younger than he was, he was now always thought to be in his late forties at the very earliest. Dark circles never left his remaining eye, and wrinkles spread all over his once-handsome face.
That by itself wouldn't have bothered too many people; they would certainly rather Kiba lost his looks than his life. Yet it seemed he had lost his life, for Kiba no longer socialized with his friends and never smiled. He could be found in the same restaurant each night, sitting for hours and staring at the wall, oblivious to the world around him.
Tonight was no exception. He sat squeezed into the corner of Tanabe's, surrounded by chatting, happy people that he didn't even seem to realize were there. His yakiniku dish sat before him, and he poked at it with chopsticks the way Naruto would a disgusting insect.
"Hey man," said Naruto. He helped himself to the seat across from Kiba, since he knew better than to think an invitation would come.
Kiba looked up and blinked; Naruto gave him a moment to return to reality. "Oh…Naruto. Hey."
Kiba was polite enough to the other members of the Rookie Nine…usually. But Naruto knew better than to make friendly conversation when Kiba no longer had the patience for it. Just weeks ago he'd left poor Ino in tears when she tried to bring him a pie she'd made.
"Kiba, I need to ask you a favor."
Kiba shrugged and popped a piece of yakiniku into his mouth. He said nothing.
"I need you to turn down the mission you've just been issued."
Kiba shook his head. "Nope."
"Kiba, it's important! The target is a friend of mine."
"Sorry."
And that was it. Kiba returned to his food, not even gracing Naruto with the hard, cold gaze that reminded Naruto so eerily of Sasuke twenty years gone. Perhaps Kiba needed the money he'd get from this mission, or maybe he didn't want the black mark that would go on his record should he refuse. Naruto never knew because Kiba didn't bother to explain. He just gave his one-word refusal and turned away as though Naruto were useless trash instead of his friend.
Naruto knew, even as he lunged across the table, that he was making a mistake. Attacking Kiba would not keep him from killing Inari. Locking his hands around Kiba's throat would not snap Kiba out of the vacuum he'd sealed himself into after losing his loved ones. Screaming his frustration into Kiba's face wasn't going to make him wake up from the nightmare his life had become.
But it felt sinfully good.
A/N
To answer the FAQ I know I'm gonna get:
First of all no, this story will have no yaoi. If Hugh Hephner and Trent Reznor can say they've "experimented with bisexuality" Kiba can too, but since Shino's dead we're not gonna see it. Poor boys…I'll have to write them into a happy fic after this.
Second of all yes, this story is 100 NaruSaku, but things aren't always going to be happy. They're also going to have friends, so they won't just interact with each other.
Third of all I really do see Sasuke as asexual which is why I wrote him that way; sexual problems are a common enough trauma reaction. His trauma has made him selfish, logical and too cold and damaged to feel fully—an ice cube. He's older now, so he's grown up in some ways, and he's going to be developed as the story goes on. I like him and want him to come out well in the end, and since I'm the author he will! HA! (All of the above goes for Kiba too, minus the asexual bit.)
Fourth I have just been graced with a surprise visit from a friend so I won't be able to do any writing for a few days. I'll get the next chapter out as soon as I can--the story is pouring out of me so it should be out in a couple weeks at the most.
Review, please, feel free to tell me I suck as long as you tell me WHY.