Disclaimer: Why the hell would I be writing fan fiction if I owned Naruto?
Moving On
Chapter Three
By Michiru's Mirror
Konohagakure wasn't anybody's idea of a tourist stop in Fire Country. The most obvious deterrent to a visitor was the way it was teeming with trained assassins, but there was also the fact that it just wasn't a nice place to look at. Konoha consisted mostly of large rickety apartment complexes for most of its ninja, small dilapidated houses for its few civilians, and hole-in-the-wall dining establishments with all the sanitation of your local bus stop bathroom designed for a ninja on the go.
Still, there were a few charming spots. The Hokage monument was always a popular site when a visiting relative came. The Konoha movie theater usually had a fantastic array of films from art house to the latest Icha Icha blockbuster. Also Saigo's Last Stand, the popular restaurant of Mizu no Kuni cuisine, sported beautiful marble pillars and ambiance to make even a rich daimyo marvel.
That was about it, however, and whenever anyone in Fire Country suggested taking a vacation to a friend, Konoha was never a serious consideration.
But that point of view was made by people from outside Konoha. From Naruto's perspective, made as it was from inside his jail cell, Konoha looked liked heaven. At this point his spider-infested apartment looked like a five star hotel and the roadside stand that sold indefinable goop by the Hokage monument would have been as good to him as Ichiraku ramen.
He couldn't say he was happy when Sakura showed up to get him out though. It would be a relief to get out of his cell, but the murder written across her face was a lot more frightening then concrete and steel bars.
"Uh…ma'am, Haruno-sama, we can't really release him to anyone but family…"
That was a young chuunin guard who gave a slight squeak before falling silent as Sakura turned her enraged gaze from Naruto's sheepish face to his own. Despite being considerably taller then her, the guard was obviously cowed by Sakura's presence. Naruto didn't blame him.
"Do you know who he is?" Sakura said.
"Y-yes, Haruno-sama, of course…"
"Then you know that he has no family in the legal sense. Get him out."
"B-but…I'll have to clear it with my…my…" Naruto had to admire the man's guts, but he didn't think he was actually going to win this one, did he?
"Do you know who I am?"
"Yes, Haruno-sama, you're—"
"And do you know what I can do to you?"
The poor guard's voice sounded full of helium. "Yes, Haruno-sama."
"Then let him out. Now. Before I completely lose my patience."
Naruto was so thoroughly enjoying the performance that for a moment he forgot just how much trouble he himself was in. When the door to his cell swung open and Sakura's attention returned to him, though, he remembered.
It was incredible how the green eyes he had compared to fresh leaves in his more romantic moments could turn into chunks of emerald glass sharp enough to cut his head off at times like these…
"What the good goddamn hell were you thinking?"
"Oh come on, Sakura-chan!" Naruto had been doing his best to explain, really he had, but when you were jogging ahead of your girlfriend who kept smacking the back of your head and swearing at you it was difficult to speak. "Kiba—ow!—Kiba wasn't listening to me!"
"Oh well that's a reason to send him to the hospital! Hell, next time Ino doesn't shut up when I want to talk to her I think I'll send her into intensive care for fun!"
"It's not that simple—stop hitting me!"
"Give me a good reason!"
"Well if you'd just shut up for a second, I will!"
"Or what, you'll put me in the hospital too?"
Naruto stopped dead in his tracks, and Sakura realized belatedly that she'd gone too far. To tease her boyfriend about being an idiot was something she did every other week. Accusing him of beating her was something she had never done, and for good reason: he never would.
Naruto turned around slowly. He had the same expression he'd worn at Sasuke's defection from Konoha over two decades ago.
"That's not funny," he said, voice quiet and trembling.
Sakura gaped up at Naruto, deflating like a popped balloon under the force of his wounded gaze.
Then before she could gather her wits, Naruto turned around and started walking back to their apartment. Sakura was left in the middle of Oodori Street with traffic pouring around her as Naruto's yellow head retreated into the distance.
Blinking and shaking her head until it cleared, she ran to catch up. Sakura knew she should tell him she was sorry; she owed that to him after saying something so nasty. And she would…eventually. Now she was still too embarrassed.
"So…what happened?" Giving him a chance to explain himself was the closest she could bring herself to come to an apology.
Naruto sighed. He had been all prepared to explain everything a minute ago, but now he felt like he couldn't be bothered. He just wanted to go to bed. "Kiba's been contracted to kill Inari."
Sakura gasped. "Our Inari? Nami no Kuni Inari?"
"Yup."
"No! Who would want to kill him?"
Naruto scowled and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "It seems little Inari has gotten involved in some politics that rub some rich daimyo the wrong way."
Sakura sighed. Ah, politics. She didn't envy Naruto in the slightest his position as the Hokage's apprentice. The more she learned about politics, the more they disgusted her; she was, in fact, more than a little nervous about the idea of Naruto becoming Hokage. She loved his compassion and his forthrightness, and a politician couldn't have either of those things, at least not in the amounts that Naruto had. Would being Hokage change him for the worse, forcing him to be cruel and sly? Would it wear his dreams down to nothing?
It would any other man but this was Naruto, and Sakura had faith in him. He had sworn to her—hell, to all of Konoha—that he'd create his own path and live by his own nindo, and he'd managed to do just that so far.
The two ninja reached their apartment. Sakura fumbled for her keys for a moment before opening the door.
Wearily, Naruto went into their bedroom and flopped down onto the bed. He was glad, now more then ever, that he'd talked Sakura into buying such a huge, soft one. To hell with what was practical, there were times when a man just needed to flop himself down and let the tension leave his body. As far as he was concerned, if he wasn't called in for mission duty he didn't want to leave this room for the rest of the day.
Sakura didn't join him, and that was proof of how embarrassed she was about how she'd acted. Naruto was still miffed—the very idea that he'd hit her was a hideously offensive one. For Pete's sake, it wouldn't kill her to listen to him occasionally when he asked her to!
But this was getting them nowhere, and Naruto refused to spend his day sulking about a thoughtless comment. God knew Sakura was under stress—she hadn't even been home for the past three nights.
Naruto forced himself up from the bed and walked out into the kitchen where Sakura was making ramen for breakfast. She didn't look up as he came, but the blush he could see on the back of her neck and the way her shoulders stiffened let him know she knew he was there.
He wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and mumbled, "I'm calling in my minute."
Sakura smiled, relieved and touched. They had made that phrase up over ten years ago when their schedules had forced them apart more and more often. They found, to their dismay, that they just didn't have the time for each other they once had; if Sakura had a nightmare or Naruto a fight, they didn't have the option of spending hours giving each other comfort.
But a person had to be something more than busy to not have a minute. Sakura asked Naruto for her twenty-fifth birthday present for a promise: he would always give her a minute, whatever he was doing. Just a minute and no more; ANBU missions, training schedules and Konoha Hospital wouldn't wait any longer than that, no matter how traumatized Sakura felt after watching a gruesome murder or the results of a botched operation. But sometimes, when Sakura needed to know that Naruto was there for her, a minute of reassurance was enough to sustain her for a long, long time.
Naruto had readily agreed and asked her to promise him the same. He, like Sakura, understood that Sakura couldn't just leave surgery to deal with his grief after seeing a child die or losing one of his team members. But whatever she was doing and wherever she was, she could always spare a single minute. Like Sakura, Naruto found that was usually enough until she had enough time to give more.
Sakura turned around in Naruto's arms and hugged him, letting him rest his head on her shoulder. It was rather awkward, given how much taller than her he was.
Ah, what the hell, thought Naruto.
"Naruto…do you want to talk about something?"
He did. But would Sakura understand? She was the only person he'd ever met who managed to combine a frightening temper with extreme soft-heartedness, and while that was one of the reasons he loved her Naruto knew she wouldn't be able to understand his dilemma. He already knew what she thought of the Hokage's job, and of the things he was being asked to do. He needed advice, but it had to be real advice from someone who knew what they were talking about.
"No thanks, Sakura-chan." He squeezed her body slightly, and she smiled. "Just give me my minute."
She nodded and gently stroked her fingers through his hair, and he was grateful. He needed the support.
As for the advice, he knew where he could go.
"How dare you try and get in here three hours late!"
Ah, thought Naruto as he arrived at the Hyuuga compound, Hinata must be in a good mood.
If there was any leader more respected in Konoha then Tsunade herself, it was Hyuuga Hinata. Under her leadership, the Hyuuga clan had gone from a community reputed for its xenophobia to one now known throughout Konoha for its altruism and charity.
But the Hyuuga clan was not the only thing that had changed. Hinata had changed so drastically that children who were told of her former shy behavior assumed they were being had. Over the years a hard glint had moved permanently into her eyes and she began to walk with authority and confidence.
"I should kick you out this door right now and leave you for the Inuzuka's wolves! DO YOU WANT TO BE EATEN BY WOLVES?"
"Considering that the Inuzuka have dogs I don't think it's a concern." Naruto ducked around the corner he heard Hinata's dulcet tones coming from and grinned winningly at the shocked look on her face.
Naruto quickly made shooing hand gestures to the poor, cowering girl Hinata had backed up against a wall. She understood, and ran.
"Naruto! What are you doing here?"
Ah, what a way to refer to him! Naruto almost missed being "Naruto-kun," but Hinata didn't really refer to anyone so affectionately anymore. "Actually I was hoping to talk to you. You wouldn't have some free time, would you?"
Hinata looked as flabbergasted as if a murder of crows had suddenly gone tap-dancing by. "I…I suppose so."
Naruto's smile turned apologetic. He knew exactly why she was so confused; he hadn't seen her in over a year. If he and Sakura were busy with their work, poor Hinata was buried in hers. And here he'd suddenly popped up asking her a favor.
Oh well. As long as he wasn't borrowing money it should be okay.
"So where's Neji?" Naruto asked as Hinata lead him across two courtyards to her private building. Man, the Hyuuga family had too much money.
"Mission," said Hinata. "I told him if he wasn't back in a week I'd dock his pay—I need him here to help me with a charity mission I'm running to Iwagakure."
"So things are pretty busy then?" Stupid question, but it was polite.
"That's a stupid question," Hinata said, but she grinned to show she didn't mean it. "How are you and Sakura then?"
"Pretty busy ourselves, but Sakura-chan's doing brilliantly at the Hospital. The place is running smoother every day under her." Naruto unconsciously straightened up with pride, before slouching again when he got to the topic of himself.
"But I…need some advice."
"Yeah?" said Hinata, opening the beautiful wooden doors that lead to her private building. "What about?"
"Leadership," said Naruto.
Hinata looked confused. "Why do you need help with that? Even Neji says you're the best ANBU captain Konoha's seen in generations."
Now the two ninja were walking down a hallway carpeted in rugs that had to individually cost Naruto's entire yearly salary. Okay, now Naruto knew he was jealous. Why was he living in a tiny apartment when some people got places like this just through inheritance? Hmph!
"It's not ANBU leadership, it's Hokage leadership. Totally different."
"Ah," said Hinata. "I get it. Well, c'mon into my little office and we'll see what we can come up with. You want something to drink first?"
Hinata's little office turned out to be twice as big as Tsunade's with wall hangings that looked even more expensive then the rugs outside and a beautiful mahogany desk that any lover of wooden furniture would have killed for. Naruto was beginning to feel like a peasant.
He quickly reminded himself that with the generous way Hinata was using her money to save lives, she was entitled to a few luxuries in return.
Hinata, probably sensitive to the fact that sitting behind her desk would turn this visit into something too formal, settled herself gracefully down into one of the many chairs that lined the office walls. "Sit wherever you like."
Naruto took a chair that directly faced Hinata's. "You sure you've got time for this?"
"It depends on what you want. Tell me and I'll let you know."
Naruto grinned. "Good point…I guess I want to know how you turned yourself into such a good leader."
Hinata's brow wrinkled. "What brought this on?"
"Ah…long story."
"Tell me anyway. We'll just be wasting our time if I don't know what I'm giving advice about. 'Leadership' is about as broad a topic as you can get."
So he told her. Naruto was surprised at how easy it was to pour his story out to Hinata when he'd been having such trouble trying to tell anyone else. Perhaps it was because she understood so well; never once did she even look surprised at the things he was telling her, nor judgmental.
It made sense—in fact, it was the reason that he'd come. Leadership of a large clan was very similar to leadership of a village. With Shino dead, the only clan leader he personally knew was Hinata. He probably would have gone to her for help even if she hadn't turned out to be such a genius.
"So, I guess I wanna know about what decisions you've made," Naruto finished up after a good twenty minutes. "Is Baa-chan right, and it's not possible to lead without…cruelty?" He hated to use that word, because he still didn't like to think of his beloved mentor as cruel. But he couldn't think of any other word that fit so well; words like strict and unfeeling just didn't seem strong enough.
Hinata was silent for a moment. Her eyes trailed over Naruto's face and form with such intensity that he almost started squirming in his seat. What was she thinking? She was so different from the girl he'd once known that he couldn't even begin to guess.
She had changed over the years without question, and it showed in her body as well as her voice. She had grown more muscled over the years, and scarred as well from battles both in and outside of her clan. Her hair was cut in a short and functional style, and was surprisingly grey given her young age. Not unattractive by any means, Hinata was most often described as a "handsome" woman; the days where she was known as "pretty" or "cute" were long behind her.
"You realize my clan has secrets I can't just divulge," she said finally.
Naruto nodded emphatically. "'Course, I'd never ask you to."
"But," Hinata continued, "To really answer your question I'll have to tell you a few things even most of my clan doesn't know. I assume I don't have to tell you the trouble I'll be in if you tell anyone."
Outside, Hinata had shown the subordinates she was scolding an image of a tough bitch. Now she was sliding into another image, that of a wise and responsible leader. How many personas did she have? And which one was real?
Still, the trust she was placing in him wasn't faked, and Naruto felt the responsibility on his shoulders for whatever he was about to hear.
"Go ahead," he told her. "I'm ready."
"I'm not sure how much you know about the way I took control of the Hyuuga clan, both in the legal sense and in the actual sense. I can guarantee whatever you've heard is going to be full of holes and false information, though, so if I go over something you already think you know, be patient. I guarantee you'll hear some new things anyway.
"Now. You know I was born the heiress to the Hyuuga clan, and the trouble I've had since birth because of it. Neji would have made a better leader than me—it comes to him much more naturally and he's more skilled as a ninja—but he was doomed from birth to be part of the branch house. My real competition was my younger sister Hanabi. Traditionally, she should have been relegated to the branch house at birth, but because I was proving myself to be so pitiful as a ninja she was allowed to stay in the main house for years in case I simply couldn't be made into a leader. If I became leader, she'd be cursed to join the branch house. If I wasn't strong enough, I'd be put into the branch house and she'd ascend to the top.
"Hanabi and I always got along surprisingly well considering that the success of either one of us meant the ruination of the other. In a clan like the Hyuuga, a child learns pretty quickly that their life isn't their own; it belongs to the clan, and it's up to the elders how it's used. So we never blamed each other and were able to stay allies, if not friends. It was Neji and I who had some friction in our relationship but you already know all about that, and we managed to work it out during the chuunin exam anyway, so it's not important.
"Anyway, as you know, I was a dismal failure as leader-in-training. My ninja skills have always been below average, and are to this very day. I wasn't cut out to be a ninja any more then you were cut out to be a mathematician. I'd put in a bad performance in training, which lead to being criticized by father, which lead to my hating myself, which lead to my putting in an even worse performance at training because my self-esteem was so low. And even though Hanabi had nothing against me, she wasn't going to sabotage her chances at avoiding the juuin by encouraging me. Meanwhile my teammates, much as they loved me, were twelve year old boys. Sensitivity, tact, empathy and understanding were not their strong points, and they didn't have the patience to deal with my constant bumbling—which made me hate myself more and do even worse out in the field. Kurenai-sensei, bless her, tried hard to support me but a jounin is busy and she couldn't be there to watch me all the time. Until you came along and beat some sense into Neji, I had no one.
"Watching you was the only thing that kept me from killing myself, and don't act like you didn't know. You knew I was watching you, even if you didn't know why. You were like me, all alone and crappy at being a ninja, and yet you kept trying and doing things your own way. I've never admired anyone on earth the way I do you, and again, please don't demean that by pretending to be clueless.
"But I didn't know where to begin. I didn't have the courage to ask you for advice or help the way you're asking me now, and I didn't have any friends who could understand. The only one willing to help me was Kurenai-sensei, and she was so perfect she couldn't even begin to get what I was feeling. She was beautiful, talented, popular…her support for me was real and got me through hard times, but when I would try to explain to her how lost I felt when I'd make a mistake she'd look at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
"So I'd mess up and get discouraged and get scolded and get discouraged again, until Neji came along with his head newly straightened-out by you and began to show me what to do.
"He came to see pretty quickly how hopeless I was on the battlefield. He still trained with me and did his best to improve me where he could, but the most important thing he gave me was praise. If I was really trying—and I always was—he'd nod and say 'Good job, Hinata-sama' at the end of a session. And I felt like he really meant it, like he was really impressed by the way I was working my fingers to the bone. Which encouraged me to work harder. Which meant I began to improve.
"Then I turned seventeen and everything happened at once. I was taking baby steps and suddenly the world threw me off a cliff. That happens sometimes, you know?
"First off father died, and before his funeral was over I was declared the new clan leader. Hanabi was literally dragged off to be branded with the juuin. I said Hanabi and I got along well, and I meant it. But that day…I'll never forget the things she said, screamed into my face. I know she didn't mean them, that she only said them because she was terrified and furious that her life was being taken from her, but even now I have nightmares about the awful things she called me.
"And right after that my fiancé was named. You remember him, right? Almost sixty years old, face like a pit bull only more wrinkles? Hyuuga Satoshi.
"I was almost as horrified as the members of the branch house. That man was as cruel as they came, the kind who puts more emphasis on rules then lives and thinks he knows better then anyone younger then he because he managed to survive for six decades without falling over dead. He was going to be strict with me, and cruel to the members of the branch house. They were frightened just hearing his name.
"I was too stupid to see what the main house was doing, so Neji explained it to me. They'd decided I was no good as a leader because I was such a wimp, but Hanabi was no good either, because she'd become too sympathetic to the branch house and mingled too much with other clans. She'd started dating an Inuzuka so her name was mud.
"But my status as a weakling meant I could be controlled by someone more fit to lead the Glorious House of Hyuuga. They just had to marry me to him, and then I'd lead the family in name while he lead in reality.
"I didn't have the courage to say no to the wedding. My family is deeply traditional, and bringing shame would have meant expulsion. But at the same time, the idea of Neji and Hanabi being under Satoshi's thumb was so terrible to me that it even outweighed my fear, and I knew I had to do something.
"Here's where we're getting into forbidden territory.
"I researched the juuin. I'll spare you the boring details on that, but suffice to say I read through every forbidden scroll in the Konoha Library and the Hyuuga Library by sneaking in and staying awake deep into the night. I was risking being disowned, but again, that thought was less important to me then the idea of my beloved siblings being tortured for some meaningless, nonexistent offense.
"I got so scared! I'd sit there in the dark trembling and barely able to concentrate, jumping at every little sound and crying from stress and fatigue. I kept wanting to run back to my bed, but then I'd think of you swearing you'd follow your own path, and of Neji's kindness to me, and I'd stay.
"I eventually found what I needed. I think it was almost Neji's nineteenth birthday when I snuck into his and Hanabi's rooms and removed the juuin from their foreheads and systems…for good.
"Oh yes, those disgusting things are gone! Neji and Hanabi have been careful to hide it, even to this day, because they know what will happen to me if the Hyuuga elders find out what I did. But they're gone.
"I was so proud of myself that night. I was the hero.
"Neji didn't see it that way. He was so enraged when I told him what I'd done…I was frightened of him, really frightened, for the first time since the chuunin exams.
"He didn't scream—screaming isn't something he does—but his words were loud and harsh. 'Don't you see what you've done? You're the only thing standing between the branch house and punitive lunatics in the main house, and once they found out you did this you'll be executed!'
"I'd say that was my first lesson about leadership. By focusing on the ones I loved, I had essentially doomed myself and a lot of other innocent people. Of course it's good to think of your loved ones when you can, but when you're leading a lot of people, thinking of them first isn't an option. When it's just you and your family and you favor them, you're a good daughter. When it's you and your family and hundreds of others who need you and you still favor your family, you're nepotistic.
"So that was it, I had to put up or shut up. I could either wait with bated breath until my beloved fiancé caught onto what I had done and killed me, or I could take control of the council before anyone found out.
"But challenging Satoshi directly would have been a disaster. The Main House was planning on marrying me to the guy in order to control me, and showing them that I was more rebellious then they'd thought would've lead to harsh restrictions on my freedom. I had to pretend to be totally submissive and cowed until it was too late for them to stop me, and I had to get rid of Satoshi.
"That was my second lesson in leadership. I wanted so badly to just get it over with—I was willing to run away or fight or beg just as long as the horrible dread that I carried in my heart every day went away. Neji told me flat out that I'd better get used to it, because that feeling would never leave me. Even if we succeeded in setting me up as leader, there would be factions in the Main House plotting my downfall at all times. He was right, and that feeling is a part of me every minute of my life even now.
"I found my first grey hair a month later, and it's just been multiplying since, I'm afraid…
"Anyway. My third lesson in leadership was the one you're curious about: cruelty. I told Neji that I didn't want to do anything I considered despicable. I, like you, was going to follow my own nindo and live how I wanted to live.
"Neji told me that was fine if I was planning on living for myself. If I wanted to help my family, on the other hand, that wouldn't work. While I was busy being noble, the members of the branch house would be killed and tortured. He told me—much more gently then he'd been speaking so far—that I had to decide if I wanted to lead or not. If I couldn't handle it, if my nindo and my ethics were so important to me, then I had to decide right then. There was no point trying to make me into someone who could help others if in the end I wasn't willing to do it.
"I chewed that one over for a night, and thought about the members of the branch house being manipulated and enslaved and how I had a chance to really help as leader…only I'd have to hate myself for what needed to be done to make myself a leader. But if I didn't become leader, and just watched passively while innocent people were hurt, I'd hate myself anyway.
"So I could hate myself, or I could hate myself and help people. The choice was obvious.
"I am a medic nin, and a good one if I do say so myself. The Hyuuga elders knew it must have been me who killed Satoshi, but after several dozen tests by several dozen different specialists they never found out how. Meanwhile, I did a fairly good job of playing the lamenting widow—well, not technically since we weren't married yet, but more or less—and it wasn't hard. I was so disgusted with myself and sick with what I had done, it wasn't hard to cry and vomit and make a scene.
"With no proof that I had done it, the council couldn't stop me from leading the clan. The only problem was…I had to lead the clan. With no idea of what I was doing.
"I knew I wanted to help people. I wanted the Hyuuga to stop terrorizing its own members and acting superior to the rest of the Konoha ninja. But Hanabi told me that saying those things directly wouldn't do any good, and really I knew that. As a child asking father why he used the surplus in the treasury that year to decorate his office rather than giving it to the needy got me grounded. Talking to my favorite aunt about my crush on you bought me a month of beatings. I asked my aunt why she had given me up, and her response was gentle; she loved me, but I was obviously misguided. To even think of contaminating our family line was proof of mental disturbance, and I had to be straightened out lest my sickness infect the whole family.
"So I had learned not to say what I wanted and to tell no one what I felt. Had I been an ANBU captain that would've been a bad habit, but it was invaluable as the leader of the Hyuuga.
"My first action was to get some of our yearly surplus into the Hokage's office to benefit orphans like yourself. It's ridiculous to expect a child to live on a monthly stipend with no supervision or schooling until the Academy and then turn out normally. Forgive me for saying so, but if I'm not mistaken you still have trouble in social situations.
"Also, acting on your own for so long made it hard for you to think of others. You've been making mistakes which are obvious to people who have been surrounded by others since childhood ever since you were first allowed onto a team.
"Ah…I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. It's a great strength of yours that you're so focused, and those of us who love you even find your thoughtlessness endearing. And I certainly don't want to imply that you're not kind and smart and a very good leader by now. I'm just saying it's been much, much harder for you to wear away rough edges then the rest of us because no one told you how. That you made it so far, and honed yourself to become the best of us, is an incredible achievement. Unfortunately, we can't expect all orphans to do so well, and they deserve help that the Hyuuga could give.
"I couldn't afford to say that directly. I couldn't tell my elders that I was giving money to orphans because my nindo dictated that I help others. They would kill me in my sleep or replace me, and then there would be another Satoshi clone chosen to make everyone miserable.
"Instead, I had to think about what the Hyuuga love most. A clan of rich snobs who think marrying outside means contamination and helping children who've lost their parents is beneath them? What could they value above all?
"And it came to me: their image and their livelihood. Their view of themselves as the best and most noble warriors was invaluable, because above all other things they wanted to make everyone else believe it too. Their desire to help themselves was useful too, because a Hyuuga will help others if he thinks there's something in it for him.
"So I told the council that giving money to Konoha's orphans was good for our public image. I said that indebting these orphans to the Hyuuga family would make them compliant to us later, and let us expand our reach of good, loyal allies which we so desperately need to liaise with the Hokage and the daimyo of Fire Country. The Hyuuga saw profit for themselves, and let me do what I wanted.
"My time since then has been marked by that sort of manipulation. I got more Hyuuga medics to help out at the Hospital by pointing out that they training they'd receive in return would make them better medics for us. I cut the lavish spending of some of the senior council members by putting the money into things that will help the clan as well as Konoha as a whole, like better classes at the Academy and better equipment for the Hospital. When all else fails and I can't find a reason that the Hyuuga will benefit, I can always fall back on image: doing this will make our family look good.
"More and more the council members are trusting me to make decisions that are good for them, and so they're questioning me less and less. It might take decades, but eventually they're not going to question me at all, and on that day I'll be able to set the poor, wretched slaves in the branch house free.
"In the meantime, though, I've wrapped my life up in a shroud of lies and manipulation, and I've learned I can't do any of this alone. I'm surrounded by hostile, pampered morons whom I cannot trust and cannot speak the truth to. If Neji and Hanabi weren't at my side I would have crumbled from stress long ago.
"Neji brings me news from Konoha. Every mission he goes on, every trip he has to the hospital, every time he substitutes at the Academy, he reports back to me and tells me what the people need and how the Hyuuga's public relations with the village are shaping up.
"Hanabi, meanwhile, keeps me updated on the branch house. I cannot fraternize too closely with them. If I do, the council will become suspicious, and the trust I've built up will crumble. But there's nothing strange about going to dinner with one's little sister. We drink wine and giggle a lot, and the main house assumes we're talking about boys and clothes while we're really discussing political unrest and smokescreen tactics to use on them.
"It's petty, but it gives Hanabi and I a real feeling of satisfaction to know that we're fooling them that way.
"That's most of what I've learned. Not focusing on just my loved ones, acting subtly, knowing the weaknesses of my allies and enemies, keeping trusted advisors…these things are the most important.
"Maybe the most painful lesson, though, was that to lead I had to really be a leader. One day Neji came to give me a report about ANBU, and in front of the whole council I said, 'Thank you Neji-nii-san.' Remember I used to call him 'nii-san?'
"Well before I knew it the council was laughing up a storm, and after the meeting was over Neji pulled me aside and told me that I could never call him that again. What was I doing talking to a subordinate with such an obviously deferential title? It made me look weak to defer to a lowly branch house member. I needed to gain the respect of the main house, and inviting their disdain was not the way to do it.
"That hurt. 'Nii-san' is just a word, but to me it had so much meaning attached to it. I did, and do, look up to Neji. I believe he is my superior in every way, mentally and physically, and to this very day hearing him talk up to me while not giving any respect back to gain the favor of a group of puffed-up snobs rankles. But if I don't treat him the way I'm supposed to I'll never be able to help him later on down the line. He understands that, and so I have to try and understand it too.
"Hanabi and his loyalty to me makes it easier. I know they're loyal because they're the polar opposite of sycophantic. In public they bow and scrape and tell me I'm perfect, but they blister my ears as soon as we're alone. 'Hinata-sama, I can't believe you said that! Hinata-sama, what the hell were you thinking? Hinata-sama you have to train harder, you're just embarrassing right now!' When they tell me something I know it's true, and knowing that I'm helping them makes it all worth it.
"In the end, I guess I've found out that everything I learned from you was correct. I need my own nindo, my own goals and my own morals. I need people who are precious to me to keep me in line and remind me of what I'm working for.
"But I also need to see the world around me. If I lose sight of reality and chase my dreams I'll ruin not only my own life, but the lives of those who are depending on me. And the more their number grows, the more respected and popular I become as a leader.
"Let me make a suggestion. If you ask Godaime-sama or look through the quotes and records of our previous four Hokage, you'll find enormous pride. Every single one of them was proud to do what they did, and loved Konoha and its citizens in a pure and selfless manner. They were great people, no question.
"But.
"Try asking if a single one of them was happy."
A/N
I've stopped putting Japanese words in italics. It goes against all kinds of English grammar rules, but it was a pain in the ass trying to keep up with all the italicized words!
Sorry if you don't like this Hinata. My first image of her at 35 was as a swearing, hard-talking ball-busting bitch. But that wouldn't fit with the Hyuuga—no leader of theirs would be vulgar or openly nasty.
It's back to Naruto next chapter with a bunch of stuff for him to chew on…can he save Inari?
Pretty please, REVIEW!