Disclaimer: Naruto's not mine.

Warnings: I dunno if there's anything in the traditional sense, but drunk Sasuke is pretty scary to me.

Moving On

Chapter Eleven

By Michiru's Mirror

As soon as Naruto reached his apartment, he stepped into the shower. Baths were wonderful for sitting and relaxing at the end of a hard day, but Naruto loved showers when his head was too full. It felt as though the pounding streams of water could beat those irritating thoughts right out of him and drive them down the drain where they couldn't bother him any longer.

It was working well enough tonight. He wanted to talk to Sakura—well, mostly he did. A part of him still wanted to dive out the window and run for Sunagakure, but he needed a clearer head before he could. Even at thirty-five, he still had a highly embarrassing tendency to blurt things out in a way that could blindside strangers and friends alike. He didn't want to do that tonight.

With his eyes closed and his face tilted toward the shower head, he couldn't hear Sakura's quiet footsteps. Still, he knew she'd entered the bathroom by her chakra signature. He assumed she had come to brush her teeth or something similar, so it came as a surprise when she pulled back the shower curtain and came in.

She pressed her front to him, her small breasts crushing against the small of his back as she wrapped her arms around his front and locked her hands together. Naruto was startled to realize she was fully clothed. It was as though she'd been unable to keep herself away from him long enough to even remove her shirt.

Gently, he raised his hand and put it over her smaller ones.

"I'm sorry," he said, very quietly. "I've caused you a lot of pain, haven't I?"

She didn't say anything but he knew he was right. For months he'd been going to everyone except her for help and advice, leaving her totally alone and without a clue. He had done it because her opinion mattered more to him then anyone else's, and so he'd been afraid to ask her what she thought of something he considered so shameful. But she didn't know why he'd shut her out. All she'd known was that her significant other had suddenly started avoiding her, rebuffing her every attempt to help him and leaving her to fret endlessly about what was wrong.

He knew what it meant to offer someone your love again and again only to have it rejected. It was, after all, what it had been like for him at age twelve when he'd expended so much effort to get Sakura to look at him with anything other then disdain. He had been patient with her actions back then, just as she had been patient with his recently.

That Sakura had gone through the rejection and loneliness for him that he had for her made Naruto realize just how much she loved him. He had always known that she was fond of him, and eventually he'd come to let himself believe that she felt deeply. Now it came to him that maybe Sakura loved him as much as he loved her, and that was a revelation strong enough to almost knock him off his feet.

But he couldn't enjoy this realization fully, because he knew it was he who had caused her so much pain.

How could he have done that, when he knew what it felt like to be treated the way he'd been treating her? What must she have thought when he told her maybe he didn't want to marry her—in the midst of him avoiding her she must have been terrified that he was thinking of leaving her for good. And all he had to do to ward the problem off was tell her what was wrong.

Well then, it was time to do just that! No more suffering for Haruno Sakura, not if he could help it!

Naruto turned the shower off before untangling himself from Sakura and facing her. "Just lemmie dry off and then we'll lie down, okay? I'm exhausted."

"Me too," Sakura sighed as she stepped out of the shower and grabbed a couple of towels from the rack. She tossed Naruto one before stepping out into the bedroom (in two steps, as their bathroom was uncomfortably tiny), dripping water all over the carpet as she peeled off her shirt and vest.

(Surreptitiously, Naruto peeked from the edge of the bathroom door. Hey, the situation was serious but she was still hot.)

She pulled on a nightshirt and climbed into their bed; it was almost too large for the small room, as Naruto tended to sprawl in his sleep. Naruto, clad in boxers, jumped in with her under the white sheets and snuggled up to her side. It would be a nice final memory before he told her the truth and she killed him.

Silence.

Naruto was almost at the point of sweating. How was he going to say this? How could he tell her that all the support she had given him was wasted and the promise he had made since childhood were false?

"So, I don't think I want to be Hokage."

Yeah, okay. That was one way to do it.

Sasuke stared at Kiba from across a tiny table that looked like it hadn't been washed in several decades. It was furniture that suited the room: small and filthy, with at least two dozen men crammed into a space that wouldn't have been comfortable for half that number. In front of him sat a large mug of beer, which he insisted was his first drink of the evening.

Kiba had frowned and warned him that after several hours, he might well be forgetting all that he'd imbibed. "Are you sure that's your only drink?"

Sasuke thought that was silly, because how hard was it to remember two whiskeys? Of course it was his third drink!

This was, according to Kiba, their third bar of the evening and Sasuke decided to take his word for it, though he wondered if the other two places they'd been to had been quite this repulsive. The men around them (there were, oddly enough, no women) all had a loser vibe about them, which made Sasuke wonder just what impression he was emitting at the moment.

Then he took another sip of beer, half of which wound up on his shirt (which was rapidly becoming unsalvageably stained), and the uncomfortable thought went away.

He put the mug down forcefully enough that Kiba jumped, and said, "Do you know who sucks? My father. My father sucks. Sucked."

Then he found the word "sucked" very funny and began to snicker.

Kiba, who was drinking sake, sucked the liquid back with much more grace then Sasuke had and said. "Yeah. Dads suck." Sigh. "I wish I had one."

"The bastard abandoned you!" Sasuke declared. "Just like fathers do!"

Kiba's brow wrinkled. "I dunno if getting killed counts as abandoning me."

"Don't kid yourself, he did it on purpose. It's a dad thing." Then, to emphasize his point, Sasuke picked up his mug and slammed it down again without taking another drink.

"Oh," said Kiba. "That's so...so..." He was having trouble finding the word he wanted. Staring at his empty sake mug, he came up with: "...unfailing."

Sasuke frowned. "You mean unfashionable?"

"Yeah, that. Unfallable." Kiba nodded emphatically.

"You know what else is unfathomable? My father." Sasuke took another sip that further destroyed his once-blue shirt. By now it had acquired a distinctly sallow tinge. "I was never a human being, no, I was just the latest little Uchiha spawn there to make more little Uchiha spawn so he could say he'd done his duty and die a good Uchiha automaton. Itachi was the only one with the guts to see how fucked up it all was and say no."

Kiba was nodding along, though his brain seemed to be elsewhere. "Fathers work in mysterious ways."

"Yeah," said Sasuke. "Bastards!"

Then he paused, one finger pointing dramatically into the air and his mouth hanging open, until Kiba realized that something was wrong and said, "Dude, where are you?"

"Oh my God," said Sasuke, as though some huge revelation had just come to him. "If I have kids, they'll be sitting here in two or three decades talking about how much they hate me!"

And then, to Kiba's shock, Sasuke's lower lip began to tremble. Waterworks loud enough to make the entire rest of the bar stop and stare at them quickly followed.

"Uh," said Kiba. "There, there."

"My children hate me! I'm a miserable father!"

A few men at the bar only a few feet away heard that, nodded in understanding, and went back to their drinks.

As Kiba was more of a "quietly miserable" sort of drunk, he didn't have the slightest idea of how to handle the very expressive unhappiness he was seeing. "Hey man, it's not just you. All my friends hate me too."

Sasuke, who had buried his face in his hands, peeked out from between his fingers with a more hopeful expression. "Really? You're not just saying that?"

"Nope," said Kiba. "Hinata told me about a month ago that if she had to drag me out of a gutter one more time she'd have me locked up. And Naruto beat the crap out of me awhile ago, if you hadn't heard."

Sasuke looked considerably more cheerful (and slightly smug) as he reached for his beer again. "Well that's okay then. At least Naruto's never beaten me up."

He took another sip, put his beer down, and smiled in a goofy sort of way at Kiba. The smile slowly turned into a confused frown.

"What were we talking about again?"

Naruto immediately retreated to his side of the bed (for possibly the first time since he and Sakura had moved in together) and put one hand over his jewels before Sakura could rip them off.

Oh God, this is it. She's going to start screaming that she trusted me and believed in me and that I've betrayed her—

"Okay," said Sakura.

—and that I'm a terrible, horrible person who can never, ever have sex with her again—

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?" Naruto said, looking up (though not yet removing the protection of his hands from his balls.)

"I said okay," said Sakura. She smiled. "What did you think I'd say?"

"But…but…I promised…"

"Yeah well, when I was a kid I promised myself I'd snag Sasuke-kun." Her smile fell into a frown. "Naruto, I know you're disappointed with you for not keeping your promise but don't just assume I'm going to act the same way. I've always thought you set your standards too high for yourself anyway. No one I know is the same person now that we were as kids—well, except maybe Ino-pig—and I don't think that's bad.

"I'm not going to punish you, Naruto. You'll have to do that yourself—and I must say, you seem to be doing a marvelous job."

This revelation was somehow wonderful and terrible at the same time. That Sakura wouldn't judge him, that she would continue to support and love him, was a blessing he'd though impossible. And yet, if she wasn't the one holding him back, that meant it was he who had been blocking himself for all these months.

There was a rustling sound, and then Sakura's arms were wrapping around his shoulders and rubbing them gently.

"I suspected anyway," she said quietly, "Since you looked so…so…horrified when the elders named you Hokage. But still, I can't tell you how worried I was for awhile that the problem was me." Her tone had become slightly resentful. From the rushed way she spoke, Naruto had a feeling that she hadn't wanted to tell him that, but had been unable to help herself.

She sighed. "Naruto, why do you want to be Hokage anyway?"

Naruto looked up at her in surprise. "It's my dream!"

"Yeah, but it had to become your dream for a reason, right? I wanted to become a medic so I could be useful. Why was it your dream to become Hokage?"

Naruto didn't even have to think. His posture straightened slightly as he fell into the familiar refrain. "So that everyone would stop treating me like shit and recognize me as someone equal to them. And, after joining Team Seven, so that I could protect you guys."

He considered elaborating on who "you guys" were, but at this point it was such an extensive list he decided he wouldn't bother. Besides, Sakura knew since they shared the same social circle.

Sakura was silent, which confused him deeply. He didn't know exactly what to expect from her; perhaps an encouraging word, or some advice, or even a scolding. Yet when he looked at her face, she seemed as befuddled as he had when she told him she wouldn't condemn him. It was like he'd said something unbelievably strange.

"What?" He asked finally, when the silence grew too tense.

"Well, it's just…Naruto, what do you think you're doing now?"

Naruto felt as though he'd been hit in the back of his head with a board.

Sakura, apparently oblivious to her boyfriend's shock, continued. "I mean, the Hokage protects the village with diplomacy but as an ANBU captain, you protect the village directly. You're free to both defend and go out and proactively seek out threats, right? You choose your subordinates and teach the next generation how to fight, so you're not just taking care of the village now, you're taking care of it for all future generations. The Hokage can't do that.

"And I don't know anyone who doesn't respect you. Tsunade-shishou let you call her 'baa-chan' and the Kazekage lets you speak to him like a little brother. The whole village talks about you like you're the ultimate hero or something—I mean, people throw themselves out of doors to say hi to you when you pass by. And the elders unanimously voted you in as Hokage, didn't they? They couldn't have done that if they didn't respect you, or if they didn't think you'd get support from the people.

"So…what would being Hokage get you that you don't already have?"

For the first time since starting her speech, Sakura looked up and properly saw the look on Naruto's face. "Naruto?" She said, clearly worried.

Naruto had been sure that he couldn't be more surprised then he had been when Sakura told him she wouldn't condemn him for his choice, but that was nothing compared to this. This was the revelation of something that had been right in front of his face for the better part of a decade, something that he hadn't seen because he'd been focused on a goal that didn't suit him.

He'd spent so much time aiming towards becoming Hokage; training to take on the part, suffering through lessons he was unsuited to learn, all for a goal he'd reached years ago.

An average man might never recover from such a revelation. Such a strong and sudden shock, combined with bitterness over the amount of time that had been wasted, could easily make a person sulk, rail and try to blame others for their shortsightedness.

A good man would recover with time. After a bout of sadness or anger at the time and energy he had lost, he could return to his former life and routine with effort and heart.

But Naruto, who was the best of men, felt a chuckle bubbling in his chest. Before he knew it the laughter was spilling from his mouth in little bursts; within seconds he was laughing loud and long, his head thrown back and tears streaming from his eyes.

He leapt across the bed and grabbed Sakura in a bear hug. Giving a squeak, Sakura craned her neck to free her mouth in order to breathe. Naruto didn't have the air to tell her how much he loved her. He only hoped that the message would be clear through how tightly he squeezed.

He had attained his dream. He'd done so years ago. He had the love of friends who supported him and the respect of the village of his birth. He had the power to protect everyone he cared about and a job that let him do it.

I am Uzumaki Naruto and I'll be the best ANBU captain in the history of Konoha.

That's my dream, after all.

Around four in the morning the bar had thrown Sasuke and Kiba out. When Sasuke had asked where they were going next, Kiba had announced that nothing else would be open at this hour. Sasuke grumbled about how irritating this was ("Just like my father!"), but went outside passively enough. Kiba invited his new drinking mate over to his apartment; he had plenty of alcohol stocked up and it was only a ten minute walk.

The cool air felt wonderful on Sasuke's flushed face, and he unconsciously raised his arms so that he could feel it over his whole body. For just a second he felt the world float away; his family, his responsibilities and his anger seemed to disappear.

He'd never thought about taking a moment to just enjoy the air and now he wondered why...

"Holy shit it's Fujikaze Yukie!"

Sasuke's eyes opened with a snap as he looked around to see where the actress might be. "Here? Why isn't she up in Yuki—oh."

It seemed the Konoha Movie Theater was on the way to Kiba's apartment. At the moment Kiba was standing in front of a life-sized movie poster for an updated version of "Kaze to Tomo ni Sarinu" starring Fujikaze Yukie as the new Scarlet.

Sasuke had to admit that the actress really didn't look forty. Actually, she looked pretty much the same as she had when Team Seven had met her over two decades ago. The thought of Sakura looking at the poster and burning with jealousy made him grin.

Kiba was looking around as though trying to find a hidden spy. "Sasuke, can you see anyone?"

"Um." Sasuke looked but couldn't see anyone (as far as his wavy vision would allow). "I don't think so."

Without another word, Kiba turned back to the poster—and began trying to remove it from the wall it was mounted upon.

Sasuke gaped as Kiba swore at the poster and tugged at its edges. "Kiba, what are you doing? You're gonna rip it!"

Kiba grunted and began to use his claws and fangs to chip away at the edges of the poster. Or at least, that was his intent. With his motor functions rather hampered by the copious amounts of alcohol he'd consumed earlier, he was actually banging the poster's corners into ragged folds. The occasional colorful background piece would come apart and float gracefully to the ground.

It was while Sasuke was gazing at one of these background pieces and thinking about how pretty it was when he realized the two were no longer alone. Alcohol was great for cathartic breakdowns and gaining the ability to admire the little things in life, but it apparently didn't do much for one's observational abilities. And you knew those observational abilities were in trouble when you failed to notice Akimichi Chouji stomping down the street.

"What—the—HELL!" Chouji yelled. A flock of sleeping birds took flight, terrified of the loud voice that split the night. Kiba jumped back from the poster and put his hands behind his back like a child caught stealing cookies. "Poor Naruto and Hinata have been freaking out about your disappearance, and you're out stealing cheap posters you could buy in the morning?"

Sasuke stared at Chouji's red face (what an amazing color!) and realized his stomach was feeling strange.

Kiba, looking like a deer in headlights complete with wide eyes and frozen body, said, "...are you going to kill me?"

Chouji looked totally taken aback. "I, uh, wasn't planning on it."

"Oh," said Kiba. And after a moment: "Then I'm running."

And so he did, weaving his way down the street as fast as his drunken legs would carry him. Chouji could probably have caught up, except he looked too flabbergasted to do any more than stare.

He turned slowly to Sasuke, and said, "What just happened?"

"I'm going to throw up," Sasuke replied. And he did, all over Chouji's boots.

A/N

Ten animated dollars to anyone who knows what Fujikaze Yukie is starring in (think famous American history romances set in the south)!
The bit with the movie poster is a true story: Sasuke is my Dad, Kiba his friend Terry, the poster of Fujikaze really one of Audrey Hepburn and Chouji is a cop. (Also, Terry apparently asked "Are you going to shoot me?" but as there are no guns in Naruto's world...)

And a big thanks to ScaryHands for pointing out there were a few mistakes I'd missed in the last chapter—I'll go back and correct those.