Disclaimer : Castle is not mine.

It was 5am when Alexis and Tim woke up. IT was like clockwork and it was now apart of them, they had only been doing this for a few weeks but to them it felt like forever. They both had a silent agreement to continue doing their work out until they were comfortable enough to not continue their work outs, they both needed some form of familiarity. Castle wouldn't understand, he wouldn't know how scary it was for them to be here and for them to be experiencing all of this knew stuff and it was scary and everyday they found out something new and they experienced new things and they done it together, side by side just like they always had done.

Alexis and Tim went downstairs but the problem was neither of them remembered how to cook and they needed breakfast. Alexis and Tim looked at each other and then they turned their attention to Castle's room. They didn't want to wake him but they didn't know what to do.

"Should we ask him ?" Alexis said and Tim shrugged his shoulders not really wanting to get involved. Alexis rolled her eyes, Tim always followed her and she just wanted for once for him to decide what to do no matter how small or big she wanted to follow him for once.

Alexis walked towards Castle's room and looked around. His room was a mixture of silver blues and navy grey/ blue. Castle was sprawled out like a starfish and his mouth was open and every now and hen he would snore a little.

Alexis walked over to his bed and gently shook him and he sleepily opened his eyes. He was confused for a few seconds wondering what was happening until he aw Alexis and he was scared for a moment was something wrong ? But then he realized that she was smiling a little.

"What time 's it ?" He asked rubbing the sleep from his eyes and sitting up stretching and letting out a deafeningly loud yawn.

"Just after 5." Alexis said and Castle frowned.

"Why you up." Castle said and groaned.

"Me and Tim were going to go down to the gym and work out a bit but we need breakfast and the funny thing is neither one of us remembers how to cook." Alexis ended with a smile.

Castle felt something inside of him warm up at the idea of his little girl coming to him for help even if it was just to make her breakfast he would take that over her leaving any day.

Castle softly smiled at her as he got up and Castle wrapped an am around her shoulders and led her out of his room. "What are you guys going to do in the gym ?" Castle asked, they had only been back for a day but last night after they had one to bed Beckett had explained to him that they may need space and that they may do things they didn't use to and they may still go to the gym because it was a familiar thing to do and Castle nodded his understanding. So his is him trying to understand and trying to connect.

"Well we were going to do some running and weights and some boxing later on, we can't do some of the to her stuff because you don't have some of the things we used to do." Alexis said.

"Like what ?" Castle asked as he moved around the counter to get eggs, bacon and bread out of the fridge as Alexis and Tim sat down on the kitchen counter chairs.

"Well we used to have a range and we would practice firing with a gun and we would also practice out knife throwing skills and tactics things like that. We got pretty good at it to but since you don't have that sort of thing here we just have to do what we can." Alexis shrugged her shoulders and watched as her dad began cooking. Quickly getting his phone out to text Beckett.

Castle : Why are they awake at 5am.

Castle put his phone down with the message still up and Alexis and Tim read the message.

"Thank you by the way we know it's early but we won't wake you up tomorrow we can learn everything this afternoon or something."

"No no I don't mind it's just I'm not used to being up before the sun but feel free to wake me up anytime." Castle said and he and Alexis smiled at each other.

He quickly finished their food and slid two plates towards them and after they had eaten the got bottles of water and went down to the gym.

Alexis and Tim stood in the doorway of the blissfully empty gym and they both went straight to the treadmill and started to run, after running for an hour they moved onto weights for a half an hour before taking a break.

"Do you till want to go on a walk today ?" Tim asked her and Alexis quickly turned her head to him and smiled.

"I would love to but maybe in a few hours."

"What do you guys call this ?" Castle said from the doorway smiling with Beckett closely behind. Alexis and Tim looked up and smiled at him.

"Hey we've been at it for an hour and a half and what have you been doing ? Sitting on ya ass for that time." Alexis joked and Beckett and Castle smiled at them.

They were both wearing sweats and had a bottle of water in their hands. Beckett's hair was tied back.

Alexis pointed to their bottles and asked "Are you guys planning on joining us ?" They both nodded and Alexis smiled. "You should get warmed up if you want to join us in the ring." And at that Alexis and Tim stood up and headed towards the ring.

Alexis and Tim bumped both of their closed fists together and went to opposite ends of the ring and they slowly circled. Alexis stepped forward and went to punch him and as he went to block it she switched tactics and kicked him.

It isn't like it was before, they weren't forced to fight for their lives so they were gently with each other.

Tim stumbled backwards and Alexis used that as her advantage and stepped up to him and put a leg behind his stumbling one and he fell and Alexis pinned him down. Tim sighed loudly and tapped his hand indicating for her to get off which she did quickly.

"What did I tell you Tim." Alexis said stepping forward and behind him placing her hands on his hips and turning him slightly. She nudged his left foot forward with hers and got his arms, "Tense you muscles for a minute." She said and he did what she asked Alexis got his arms and held them in front of his face defending himself and put his left arms slightly in front of his right. "This is the stance you start with if you're confident enough that you've found a weakness you strike." At this Alexis grabbed his arm and quickly pushed it out like he was hitting someone. "You don't go down, even if it's the last thing you do, do you understand ?" When Tim nodded Alexis stepped away and they started again and ending in the same way.

"You're just way better then I am at this." Tim said and Alexis nodded in understanding and walked out of the ring and towards Beckett.

"You have a go." Alexis said and gently pushed her towards the ring.

"Alexis no I don't think I should." But it was too late she was already in the ring.

It was a different ending this time as Beckett was the one pinned down.

"You won't pin me down because you're scared you will hurt me but you have no trouble fighting someone you have no emotional attachment to that's why you lose." Alexis said leaving on the mat that was raised from the floor and everyone looked at her. "You need to learn to distance you're left when you fight that's why you always come so close and that's why you always get hit. You look at them and you see a human, you don't look at them and see someone who will hurt you if you don't prevent it. Tim you're a good fighter and I see you have potential but trust me people will hurt you and you can only take so much before you snap." Alexis looked at them all and walked away.

"Lex you know that's not true." Tim said quickly standing and releasing Beckett."

Alexis quickly turned around and it was the first time that everyone saw how exhausted she was both physically and mentally but she had a fire in her eyes and everyone was entranced, no one could look away.

"You think I don't want to believe that you think I want to think people won't you or me but face it Tim look at the reason we're like this really look what people do, because of them we've been beaten and we have done the beating. I remembered last night, I remembered my first night and I remember how I was almost beaten to death how it hurt to breath and how I just wanted them to kill me but they wouldn't they wanted to keep me around to turn me into a fighter, to turn me into this. Tim you don't know what it's like to be alone in that room you don't know what it was like to have to heal yourself, Tim you don't understand, you do to a reasonable amount because you were down there but you weren't down there when everything was twice as bad when Mann was meaner and I was a caged animal forced to fight for my life..." Alexis paused and took a deep breath, "Tim I almost killed a person my first few nights and I ill never know if they're okay and I will never be able to look in that mirror again and see an innocent person. Tim I'm not me anymore. But you, you had it easier and you were never alone and you won't know what it's like to slowly lose your mind. I know I was only in that room for a few more days than you but trust me it feels like an eternity when you know you have loved ones and you've already said goodbye." And with that Alexis was gone and everyone and tears running down their cheeks.

Alexis Castle wasn't herself anymore, and she may never be again.

And for the first time everyone got a glimpse an dhow much she was hurting.