A/N: I wanted to do this in one shot, since people were wondering why I wrapped up Yui's issues so quickly last chapter. My hope is that, once everyone reads and finishes this arc, then the general 'format' of this story will be obvious. In the same way that the light novels contain the basic structure of solving requests, I wanted the opening arc to illustrate just how the stories I'll be presenting in this fic will turn out. Sadly, good story ideas tend to take a life of their own, and balloon out of proportion.
Consider the timeline of this arc to be in between Iroha's date with Hachiman and before she comes forward with the free newspaper request. Oh, and yes, footnote 6 is an SAO reference. Hachiman's just the kind of guy to reference that kind of shit, even in a serious moment.
Anyway, let's go!
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Story 3.1: Surprisingly, Service Club lunchtimes are peaceful, too
What kind of relationship exists between siblings?
If I were asked that question, I would probably scowl and go "Huuuuuuuh, what kind of dumb-ass question is that? I don't get it at all! Make yourself clear, you disgusting loner with eyes full of DHA!" before flipping my imaginary blonde hair, like one of those ojou-sama types.
In the first place, there are many ways to define a relationship between siblings. If I were to put it metaphorically, there are as many variations on sibling relationships as there are variations on the shape of snowflakes. After all, the term "special snowflake" exists.
In any case, trying to give a general answer to the question of what kind of relationship exists between siblings is futile. Siblings, after all, are simply strangers forced to spend more time together. Thanks to the unbreakable bonds known as "family ties", siblings can be considered the closest of strangers.
In other words, you can have just as many kinds of relationships with your siblings, just like how the kinds of relationships you can maintain with other people are infinite in scope. After all, the variations on relationships you can potentially establish with strangers is numerically high, so for siblings, the closest of strangers, the same should hold true as well. In logical terms, if A (siblings) = BC (closest stranger, and if C (strangers) = D (a great variety of relationships), then A = D. Wait, I think I messed up the logical chain somewhere here…
To put it another way: You can hate each other, adore each other, be neutral towards each other; you can be totally devoted to each other, or hate each other's guts. Of course, I don't mean to suggest that all kinds of relationships between siblings are permissible - this isn't some trashy romcom light novel set in Chiba, and a disgustingly sweet relationships between blood-related siblings is highly forbidden[1]. In fact, it's creepy and disgusting. [2]
For example, compare my relationship with my little sister, Komachi. There's very little we share in common: her school rank hovered perpetually around the triple digits, while I could boast a single digit rank in the humanities. Don't just ask about my science-related subjects...
Unlike me, Komachi was good at dealing with people, was keenly aware of social interaction and societal niceties, and actually bothered putting up with the rules of social etiquette. In contrast, I was utter scum, the lowest of the low, a reject even amongst rejects.
In that sense, you might say "there's completely no reason for the two of you to interact at all," and I would agree wholeheartedly with that declaration. Indeed, the creatures known as Hikigaya Hikigaya Komachi and Hikigaya Hachiman had characters which were as different as daytime and nighttime. It's easy to assume that the two of us wouldn't get along, and instead hate each other's guts.
This isn't so far off the mark, but because of those ties which we call "family ties", we're forced to put up with each other. Komachi puts it best: spend fifteen years together, and you're bound to learn how to tolerate each other, at least. That means that, on a regular day, we can criticize, despise, and mock each other's character, sometimes brutally so. However, because at the end of the day we'll have to share the same dining table and eat the same food, we have to draw a line somewhere and ensure our arguments don't end up alienating us for too long. Otherwise, the parents would notice.
To cut a long story short, you can have just as many kinds of relationships with your siblings - the term 'sibling' is simply another word, like 'friends' or 'classmates' or 'girlfriend'; ultimately, none of these relationship labels matter. You can still hate each other, or like each other, although you can't fall in love with each other since that's immoral. You can be harsh to one another, or nice to each other, although if you're too harsh, you might provoke the ire of the overprotective father or mother.
Wait a minute, doesn't that mean being siblings actually restrict what kind of relationships are permissible between them? What the heck, doesn't this totally negate my entire argument?
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"You know, I never got around to asking, but why were you awake so early last Sunday, Hikki?" Yuigahama asked, as she opened her bento box.
After Shiromeguri-senpai had excused herself, following her consultation with the Service Club, my predictions came true: Yuigahama insisted that I stay for lunch. Yukinoshita offered no opinion either way as I tried to excuse myself from having to spend time with Yuigahama and her during my precious lunch break. After all, I just had bread with me, you know? Wouldn't it feel weird eating cheap convenience store bread while Yuigahama and Yukinoshita ate out of bento boxes?
Being the master of etiquette that I was, I knew that, in such a scenario, the people with the more luxurious lunches would feel uneasy at such a set-up, and force themselves to offer of their bounty for the less fortunate souls. In my eternal consideration, I decided I would never allow Yuigahama to force herself to do it for me. After all, Yuigahama was the spitting image of the growing teenager who definitely needed to consume a lot of food to survive. Taking away even a small part of her meal was tantamount to starving her, wasn't it?
Well, I didn't have to worry about Yukinoshita showing me that kind of consideration, since she definitely wasn't the type to share lunch with anyone. Well, I wouldn't know, since I don't normally eat lunch with her, but she certainly fits that image.
"Huh? What makes you ask that?" I reply, as I unwrap my store-bought bread. As Yuigahama talked, I took a small bite out of my bread.
"I was checking my mailbox this morning and I realized I never got around to deleting our conversation… you never told me what PreCure was, either." Yuigahama began digging into her rice, scooping up some rice into her mouth as she finished talking.
"It's just some magical girl anime Komachi likes." I reply, just as I swallowed the morsel of bread in my mouth. "She always bugs me to watch it with her." The pile of PreCure DVDs littered around our home also belong to her, yep. Bought by my own money and ordered under my name, yes, but that's just because Komachi can't order things online and her allowance isn't enough to buy these kinds of things. Definitely. Yep.
"I see… I'm not really into anime, so I don't know what these kinds of things are." Yuigahama sheepishly replied, as she rubbed her head, as if apologizing for the lack of knowledge stored in her brain. No, it isn't your fault, Yuigahama, it's definitely my sister's fault…
"How should I put it? It's a kid's show, with lots of magic and explosions, I guess? Although the selling point of the series is that the characters are surprisingly prone to lots of hand to hand combat." Well, that's what got me into the Cure White faction, in the first place, anyway. Such a mild-mannered girl throwing out kicks and punches like nothing was seriously amazing.
"Un… I don't really get it... Yukinon, do you know these shows Hikki is talking about?" Yuigahama redirected the conversation topic to Yukinoshita, like a volleyball player redirecting the ball towards the other side of the court, where an unprepared defender was standing. In that way, it feels like she was trying to catch Yukinoshita off-guard, huh?
Since we were engaged in our conversation, I hadn't bothered looking at what Yukinoshita was doing. I turned to her, and was surprised at what Yukinoshita was holding: a cutesy Pan-san lunchbox, as well as a spoon with its handle decorated with panda paws. Hey, I get that you're really into the guy, but I'm pretty sure that's the kind of thing kids should be using, you know?
Yukinoshita was evidently a slow eater, as she had barely eaten anything out of her bento box. She looked at us, smiling vacantly. Evidently, she was content just listening to our conversation.
"I wouldn't know… these shows aren't really what piques my interest. After all, are they not for children?" Yukinoshita replied, her tone innocently curious. Still, I can't help but feel she's making fun of me, yanno? She phrased it as innocently as she could, but it still feels like it's supposed to imply I shouldn't be watching this stuff.
"Heh, that's true. There's really no reason for Yukinoshita to wake up that early on a Sunday Morning just to watch kid's anime. She definitely isn't the type to wake up early for Super Hero Time[3] or PreCure. I don't think she even knows what they are." It was hard imagining Yukinoshita enjoying the programming block – she'd probably be happier watching some other cutesy anime with cutesy animals in it.
"That isn't true, Hikigaya-kun." Yukinoshita replied. "There was a stretch of time in our childhood that Nee-san would force me to watch Super Sentai and Kamen Rider shows with her." She put her fingers on her chin, adopting a thinking pose. "Yes, I remember. She would force me to wake up early just to catch them on television, even if our parents or servants would chastise her."
"W-wait, Haruno-san? Really?" Yuigahama blurted out. "No way… why did she like to watch those kinds of shows? Isn't that kind of, y'know, embarrassing?"
"Nee-san isn't the type of person to care what others think of her habits." Yukinoshita patiently explained to Yuigahama. "Well, I'm not too sure why she enjoyed them myself, but she always forced me to watch those shows with her, and afterwards we would reenact these shows or come up with our own scenarios when playing, so I unfortunately developed a habit of watching them myself."
I could definitely see where Yukinoshita was coming from. Because Komachi would always wake me up at Sundays to watch with her, my body automatically developed a tendency to wake up early on Sundays to avoid Komachi's violent attempts at waking me up. I suppose you could call it a Pavlovian training method, but I prefer to think of it as humanity's inbuilt survival instinct. Or a defense mechanism to avoid pain.
Since my body was wired to wake up early on Sundays, I might as well watch the shows on television, right? It's not like I like to watch them or anything!
Yuigahama nodded, staring intently at Yukinoshita, who was deep in thought, trying to remember what she watched with her sister. "So, Yukinon, what did Haruno-san like to watch?"
"My memories of it are hazy," Yukinoshita began to speak. By now, both Yuigahama and I had stopped eating, intently waiting for Yukinoshita's story to unfold. "From what I remember, the hero of the show we watched resembled a Kabuto beetle[4] – he could Cast Off[5] his armor, and moved at the speed of light to fight aliens from outer space masquerading as humans… honestly, it seems like such a ridiculous show, now that I think about it."
"That really doesn't help us figure out why your sister liked that show, though." I replied, resting my back against my seat as I took another bite out of my bread. "Do you remember anything about the plot?"
"Not much. The plot of the show was very convoluted, like one of your usual rants." Yukinoshita, as always, could not resist slipping in an insult at my direction. "The only thing that I remember clearly is that the hero was incredibly obsessed with his sister, to the point of being willing to be seen as a villain and fighting the other hero characters to protect his sister."
Isn't that ridiculously transparent of you, Haruno-san?
"I suppose my sister feels some affinity with that kind of character, although on my part I found the hero rather obnoxious – he was too perfect and superior to everyone else, and he never interacted with his sister meaningfully to know what it is she wanted." Yukinoshita continued.
Isn't this kind of development rather convenient, Yukinoshita? Seriously, why does this story seem so familiar, all of a sudden?
"Really? Won't siblings be more aware of what each other feels, though? Yui asked, dumbfounded.
"Yuigahama, that's the kind of thing someone without siblings would assume." I reply, in lieu of Yukinoshita.
"Ehhhh? Really? Well, it's true that I don't have any brothers or sisters. What's it like to have a sibling, then?"
Yuigahama threw out the question nonchalantly, as she began eating from her bento box again. Yukinoshita, sensing that her role in the conversation was over, did the same.
For my part, I felt that I needed to correct Yuigahama's illusions.
Just because you were brother and sister didn't mean you automatically knew what was running in the head of the other. Sure, it varies from relationship to relationship, but the point is that you shouldn't assume all siblings share the same kind of relationship. I suppose if you were to look at my relationship with Komachi, then you could say Komachi and I could read each other's minds to a certain extent, but that definitely wasn't true for most people, like, say, Yukinoshita and her older sister.
That's right. I had said this before, when we had helped out on a certain middle school student's request, but it bears repeating: siblings are your closest strangers.
"I-In any case, that's what siblings are! Strangers you're forced to spend time with!" I blurted out carelessly. Man, that must have sounded weird to anyone who can't hear my thoughts.
In response, Yuigahama, who was humming absentmindedly while scooping food from her bento box, nodded along with my careless outburst.
"Ah, yeah, I remember Hikki saying something like that before." She raised her spoon to her lips, opened it slightly, and swallowed the rice in her spoon like a vacuum cleaner, although stray grains of rice fell onto her lips, blouse, and skirt. I just realized this, but Yuigahama was a really careless eater. All throughout our conversation she had been spilling food all over herself. Um, not that I took any particular interest in her spilling food all over herself.
"Yuigahama, please be more careful while eating. Are you a child?" Yukinoshita chided, producing napkins and presenting them to Yuigahama. Yuigahama responded by grabbing the napkins and putting it on top of the table we shared.
"Huh? Oh, right, right, yeah, I shouldn't spill rice everywhere. I'll clean it up, don't worry!"
"That's not the point! In the first place, you're already using a spoon, so why are you still throwing rice around? Plus, weren't you told not to talk too much while eating?" I followed up.
"I-in any case!" Yuigahama replied, as she forcefully brushed aside my criticism of her ability to still make a mess of her food while using a spoon as compared to chopsticks, "don't you think calling your sister a stranger is weird? I mean, your relationship with Komachi-chan definitely isn't that of strangers!"
"Yuigahama, that's simply a result of having to spend fifteen years together." I offer as a counter-argument. "We're already so used to each other's problems that we don't bother calling each other out, at least not in public."
"B-but still! Doesn't that mean there's already something different when you compare relationships between normal people and siblings? Like, you spend a lot of time together, right? Right?"
"Uh, if that's the case, then what differentiates a sibling from, say, a childhood friend? They're pretty much the same if you look at hours spent together." I reply.
"Well, um, for one, you can't fall in love with your little sister!"
"Was that really the best difference you can think of? In the first place, why are you so insistent that there's something different with the way we treat our siblings as opposed to other people?"
Yuigahama put down her unfinished bento. "Well, that's like..." she let out a nervous laugh and played with the strands of her hair. "I mean... when I look at you and Komachi-chan, you look so different, so I think you... uh... have a different relationship with her than with most people? I mean, I wouldn't know since I don't have a brother or a sister."
"Yeah, I guess you could say I dote on Komachi too much. Still, the way you phrase it is kind of annoying, Yuigahama."
"Yuigahama-san, isn't it possible that it's all because Hikigaya-kun has an unhealthy fixation with Komachi-san?" Yukinoshita said. She was smiling gracefully, although I could feel her ice-cold insults all over my body. Truly, her ability to let out insulting phrases while smiling like an angel was a fearsome Noble Phantasm[6].
Also, what's this about an unhealthy fixation? The only unhealthy fixation I have is on Totsuka, thank you very much!
"Well, Hikki is a siscon..."
"Stop throwing false accusations around! And stop agreeing with everything Yukinoshita says!"
"Well, you're like really really close to her! And you hate most people! Isn't that totally weird? You're, like, completely different around Komachi!"
"Ugh, whatever." I spat out as I took the last bite out of my bread. Oh, I didn't realize it, but I had eaten through my entire lunch already. Well, I still had my MAX Coffee, but I didn't realize I was really hungry today. I definitely wasn't jealous of what Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were eating, nope. I grabbed the MAX Coffee I placed at my feet and opened it. The smell of warm coffee invaded the room.
"Hikigaya-kun… you don't want tea?" Yukinoshita asked. Yuigahama and Yukinoshita evidently had prepared tea just for the two of them, and my sudden presence at lunchtime meant they didn't have tea to offer to me. Well, I don't really eat lunch here, so this is unsurprising.
"Don't really want to force you to make tea for me during lunchtime. Besides, I need the sugar to stay awake in class."
"But you always sleep in class, Hikki."
"That's not true! I'm always awake when Hiratsuka-sensei is lecturing!"
"That's just because she'll punch you if you doze off, though."
"Ugh, don't remind me… the amount of physical punishment she inflicts on a regular basis should have landed her in hot water, but some guardian deity probably protects her."
Yukinoshita followed our conversation with a troubled expression, as if unsure of what to do. After what seemed like an eternity, she motioned to stand up.
"I'll make some tea."
I darted my head towards her and shaked it. "No, no, you don't have to make more tea just for me." My reply was met with indifference from Yukinoshita
"I-I'll help, Yukinon!" Yuigahama made a move to stand up, but Yukinoshita shook her own head and motioned to Yuigahama to sit down.
"No need, I'm fine."
Yuigahama, seemingly wanting to do something, looked between Yukinoshita, preparing more tea, and me, unable to move. What was the proper etiquette for these kinds of scenario? Yukinoshita had already made up her mind to prepare tea for me, so I couldn't just say no, right? Instead, I drank my MAX Coffee.
…now that I think about it, the silence of that club room at lunch time was refreshing. Not a lot of students populated this wing of the building, so the only noise emanated from the three of us.
I didn't like eating lunch in our classroom – people were noisy, and all you could hear was meaningless chatter, meaningless conversations, meaningless people… if you brought a bento box, there were people who would swarm all over you and ask for food. If you were with a circle of friends, you could ward them off by sharing among yourselves, creating the illusion of a perfect circular defense, but tough luck if you were alone – some rowdy kid could probably force you to cough up your lunch money. Although, that doesn't exist in this school – we weren't some stereotypical American high school.
That kind of set-up is a pain, isn't it? Which is why eating your lunch alone is preferable. People didn't have to bother you while you were eating, and you were free to eat whatever you want. Nobody fussed all over you too. Plus, preparing lunch was a bother. Why wake up extra early just so you could have a slightly nicer lunch? Bread still filled the stomach, and it was faster to eat compared to rice and fish or whatever. The less time spent on eating, the more free time you had, after all. In terms of efficiency, wasn't my method the best?
"Hikki, you sure you're not hungry? Why don't you bring a proper lunch, anyway?"
"I don't want to bother Komachi about it. She already prepares breakfast for us, and our parents are busy. Making her prepare lunch for me sounds like a bother."
"Oh, you're surprisingly considerate, Hikigaya-kun. I assumed you were the type of person who expected to be pampered from head to toe," Yukinoshita said from the other side of the room, as she selected tea bags.
"Yukinon, that's mean!" Yuigahama chastised, before turning to me again, her hands curled up into fists and raised to her chest. The pose reminded me of a little girl showing interest in some newly discovered device. "I think that's really considerate of you, Hikki!" Her eyes sparkled like a jewel being illuminated with sunlight. She was smiling broadly, as if to say "my judgment of Hikki was correct, as I expected!"
Well, she did say something along those lines a long time ago. I could still remember the bustle of the crowd, the explosion of the fireworks, Yukinoshita Haruno…
In retrospect, could I really call that memory a happy one? Can Yuigahama even look back at those fireworks without flinching?
"What are you talking about, I'm the most considerate person there is." I stammered.
"Yeah, yeah, you said the same thing too." Yuigahama dismissed my words, already expecting my reply. "Anyway, you look like you're still hungry, since you kept looking at me and Yukinon eating."
"I'm sorry for staring then. I usually eat alone so I don't know the proper etiquette about these things."
"A…ticket? Huh?" Yuigahama raised her right index finger to her lips. I could imagine question marks emerging around her head.
"It's a loanword from French. Seriously, should I lend you a dictionary?" I scratched my head. Surely, my classmate Yuigahama Yui can't be this dumb?[7]
"Yuigahama-san, we may need some emergency tutoring for you, at this rate. How do you hope to pass your exams?" Yukinoshita chided, while heating some water.
"I'm gonna be fiiiiiine, you guys!" Yuigahama proudly declared. "Anyway! The point is, when you were staring at us, um, honestly, it's kinda creepy, like you haven't eaten anything for, like, a couple of days… but!"
Yuigahama suddenly stood up, taking her bento box and her chair with her. In one swift motion, she plopped her chair next to mine, sat uncomfortably close to me, leaned forward, her body resting against my shoulders and said:
"Do you want to share my lunch, Hikki?"
Simultaneously:
I spat out my coffee in the opposite direction.
In the distance, the clattering of spoons and cups, as well as the splashing of tea.
"H-Hikki?! Yukinon?!"
Yuigahama immediately withdrew herself, preventing my incoming heart attack. For a moment, I was worried that…certain body parts were colliding with my arms, but thankfully the soft sensation disappeared immediately once Yuigahama backed off. Yuigahama! You need a lesson in societal manners!
"I-I'm fine, Yuigahama-san!" Yukinoshita hurriedly blurted out, as she fixed the disarranged cups, spoons, and tea bags. She took a couple of napkins and began wiping the spilled tea. "Unfortunately, I'll have to redo everything, Hikigaya-kun."
"It's fine, it's fine!" I almost screamed out, as if to drown out the embarrassment. "Take your time!"
"Yes…yes. I will." Yukinoshita took a deep breath, before taking the kettle and a couple of cups on a tray. "I, I'll have to wash these up first. Please, don't mind me."
Yukinoshita, without missing a beat, took everything in a tray and stepped out, leaving me in the room with Yuigahama. Wait a minute! Yukinoshita, what in the world did you just do?! This was definitely something out of a romantic comedy, wasn't it?! This was the fabled "accept my feelings through a lunchbox tactic!" used by all the homely female characters, right? The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and all that, after all!
But I wasn't a foolish, naïve idiot – I was an experienced loner, savvy to the ways of the world. No such development happens in real life. I was not the protagonist of a romantic comedy story, and I wasn't surrounded by women attracted to me. If anything, the women in my life absolutely hated my guts. If so, I must remind myself, once again, that everything happening is perfectly innocent and that I was misreading things once more. Once bitten, twice shy. I can't fall for the same mistakes I did before. No, not can't – I won't. I am too well-versed for these cliché developments.
Yuigahama Yui was just being nice and felt guilty that she was eating out of a bento box while all I had was one piece of bread, right? That was definitely it!
I turn towards Yuigahama, intending to rectify this misunderstanding. "Y-Yuigahama… there really is no need for you to dote on me. I'm perfectly fine with my lunch."
"Y-You don't have to make it all weird! Jeez!" Yuigahama pouted and shaked her head as she blushed faintly. "I mean, you always look so sad when you look at everyone else eating with full lunches…"
"How can you even tell?"
"Well, whenever I pass by you eating on your own, you're always sighing and glaring at other people! And when you're stuck in the class you always look at me and Yumiko and Hina eating our lunches like you're jealous!"
Yuigahama stood up in front of me and put her arms down in front of her, like a kid screaming when she can't get her way. From my position, I couldn't help but notice the grains of rice that had fallen on her, um, chest.
"I was just observing. OB-SER-VING. There definitely wasn't any malice or envy to it."
"Isn't that just stalking?!"
"Observing and stalking are fundamentally things! For star-"
"…Hey, am I interrupting something?"
In one fell swoop, our conversation was shattered into pieces – it was only at that moment that the two of us realized that our faces had moved uncomfortably close to each other in our heated argument. Yuigahama, mindful of our positions, immediately retracted her body and looked at the source of the voice.
What shook us out of our argument was a voice that I vaguely recognized. Kawatsuki? Kawachika? Kawanani?
"Kawa… kawa…" I began to blurt out, trying to recall her name. Something about motorcycle cycles?
"It's Kawasaki, you moron."
-0-
"Could have knocked, y'know." I tell Kawasomething-san.
"You two were too busy arguing to notice me knocking." She replied, in her usual grumpy tone, as she took a seat opposite us. It was the usual seat for the clients of the Service Club: at the middle of the long table we used, opposite all three members.
Our client this time was Kawasaki Saki, a classmate of Yuigahama and me from 2F.
If I were to describe her, it would probably be something along the lines of an unapproachable beauty, not unlike Yukinoshita.
The difference between the two of them was night and day, though: Yukinoshita looked from afar like a frail porcelain doll, while Kawasaki Saki looked like a delinquent.
Her uniform was frequently messy, and she wore a ton of accessories, like hair clips and scrunchies and whatnot. She had her silver hair tied up in a long ponytail which reached up to her hips. She rarely wore the school blazer, probably for ease of movement, and her skirt was dangerously short, although I assume it's because of her surprisingly tall frame. Honestly, she wasn't all that bad to look at, but she was scary – she always had that aura that seemed to say "don't get near me", bundled with her height and a face that always frowned. I think the only time I've ever seen her happy was when she was with her siblings.
So, Kawasaki's just a big brocon, huh?
Well, looks were deceiving, after all. Kawasaki had a surprisingly girly side to her, since she liked to sew and make her own accessories. Despite looking like a delinquent, Kawaasaki used to be a model student, and she was aiming for a national university for the Liberal Arts – not an easy feat by any metric. Still, she put up a very good wall to keep people from invading her privacy.
"Well, what do you need, Kawasaki-san? The Service Club's here to help!" Yuigahama, having spent time with Kawasaki already, probably isn't afraid of her rough exterior anymore.
Kawasaki sighed. "I don't need the Service Club. I just want Hikigaya."
Um.
"W-w-w-w-w-what?! Kawasaki-san, what are you saying?" Yuigahama exclaimed, her face turning beet red in embarrassment as she flailed her arms wildly, as if trying to erase the scene that had just happened. Look, I'm embarrassed here, too, but don't overreact like that, dammit!
"Wait, it's nothing like that!" Kawasaki stood up from her seat, blushing profusely as well. Somehow, this side of her was incredibly familiar… why was I thinking of the Cultural Festival all of a sudden? All I remember was my irresponsible love ya! to Zaimokuza. "Look, I'm not here for a consultation. I just need this guy."
After giving her perfectly reasonable excuse to ask for me, Yuigahama calmed down. "Oh… I get it. Why head here, though?"
"I was trying to find this guy all lunch, but he wasn't in his usual spots. Ugh, I had to ask people where he was, but they were all "Whogaya?" and "who's that (lol)" and all kinds of crap…" She slapped the palm of her left hands against her face as it to combat an incoming headache.
My usual spots...? Seriously, Kawasaki, your language is kind of rough, you know? That's not very ladylike… besides, why do you keep calling me this guy? I have a name!
"Luckily, I ran into Hiratsuka-sensei," Kawasaki continued, "and she recommended I look for this guy here. I nearly forgot, but you're part of this nosy club, right?"
At that moment, the door to the Service Club opened, unleashing a strong blast of cool winter wind. I could feel someone cast a Cocytus spell[8] on our bodies, freezing my limbs to prevent escape.
"Ah, I didn't notice Kawasaki-san was here." Instead of her usual icy smile, Yukinoshita was unleashing strong blasts of chilly wind. What she wore instead of the cold smile I expected was a scowl that reminded me of her older sister. I could almost hear Haruno-san's words in Yukinoshita's voice: "Tsk, how irritating…"
That's right, these two don't get along at all…
Kawasaki, for her part, stiffened a bit at Yukinoshita's icy glare, but to her credit she stood her ground. "Yukinoshita," she replied.
"Hikki…they're scaring me…" Yuigahama whispered in my ear. Yep, I was scared too. I let out a small sigh.
Trying to defuse the situation, I began talking. "In any case, Kawasaki just needs me, so I'll just go along with her, ok? Lunch's almost over anyway. Like Kawasaki said, this isn't a consultation."
"No, I wish to converse with Kawasaki-san."
I made a move to stand up from my chair, but Yukinoshita's sharp gaze and words pinned me in place, like a Medusa whose gaze turned people into stone. Is this another Noble Phantasm? How broken are you, Yukinoshita?!
"I'm not very fond of people who barge into this room, demanding that they get their way." Yukinoshita began to say, as she deposited the tray of cups and tea onto its designated table. As she made her way into the club, her long, black hair fluttered in the wind, giving her the image of an ethereal spirit gracefully gliding through the air. I could tell that even Kawasaki was entranced. "And I'm not especially fond of people who insult what we do in this club, considering how much effort its members have given in order to fulfill requests placed upon us."
Yukinoshita turned around and crossed her arms underneath her chest, tilting her face slightly upwards, as if to look down on Kawasaki. At this moment she was the perfect image of snobbery. "So, Kawasaki-san, what is it that you need from the Service Club?"
"I told you people, I'm not here for a consultation. You guys are way too nosy. I just need Hikigaya. He isn't the Service Club's property, is he?"
Yuigahama made a slight squeaking voice behind me – she had placed her hands atop my shoulders without me realizing it. Her grip tightened intensely as Kawasaki threatened Yukinoshita. She leaned in and whispered, "Hikki, why is Yukinon so mad?"
"I wouldn't know," I whispered back.
Yukinoshita stood her ground and stared back at Kawasaki. "You come into this room unannounced, you demand to take away one of its members during his free time, and worse of all, you belittle what we do in this club. Considering how much Hikigaya-kun has contributed to the success of this club, to simultaneously dismiss the Service Club and yet demand his services seems disingenuous, Kawasaki-san."
Yukinoshita's controlled outburst evidently left Kawasaki in surprise, as she was unable to give back a reply.
"So, let me ask again: what do you need from Hikigaya-kun? As Hikigaya-kun is a member of the Service Club, we have the right to know what services you intend to elicit from him. If you intend to draft Hikigaya-kun to some strange scheme, you will have to contend with us."
"Y-yeah! Hikki isn't your errand boy!" Yuigahama, swept up by the atmosphere, added more words to the spreading fire. Seriously though, should we really be antagonizing Kawasaki? I could have just gone along with her and avoided escalating the entire scenario. Also, why did you immediately think Kawasaki wanted me to run errands for her? I'm not being bullied, you know?
As it stood, we were basically dealing with a ticking time-bomb, and any attempts to defuse it was dangerous. One wrong move and we could trigger a powerful explosion.
"…I probably screwed up phrasing it." Kawasaki finally said, after a moment of silence. "Fine, fine, I'll make it an actual consultation, since you people don't seem willing to let it go."
"Oh, is that so?" Yukinoshita gleefully taunted. Is it just me, or is Yukinoshita sounding more and more like Haruno with each sentence?
"…whatever. Anyway, lunch is almost over, so can I just come back after class? I'd rather not talk about it with all of you, but since you're so insistent," Kawasaki snarled, "I may as well lay all my family problems at your feet. Seriously, you're too damn nosy for your own good." With that, Kawasaki stood from her seat and went straight for the door. I was half expecting her to slam the door on the way out, although Kawasaki turned out to be more mature than I expected and closed the door gently.
Yukinoshita simply nodded at Kawasaki's admittance of defeat, although I could imagine she was mentally making fist pumps at another successful victory at verbal sparring. In many ways, Yukinoshita Yukino was such a kid.[9]
Kawasaki's departure was seemingly the trigger for the lifting of some kind of spell; the heaviness that permeated the room since Yukinoshita's re-entry was lifted, allowing Yuigahama and I to breathe more easily.
"What was that all about?" I asked, to nobody in particular.
-0-
Bonus scene: The Service Club plays a card game
(Inside the clubroom, while waiting for Kawasaki Saki after class…)
"You guys, check this out!" Yuigahama cheerfully declared, like a little child showing off her perfectly average grade to her parents. Well, I suppose for Yuigahama that kind of rating would be amazing already…
Yuigahama rummaged through her schoolbag, before producing a deck of playing cards. For a moment I could hear Doraemon in her "ta-da!" voice. The way she held the deck aloft reminded me of how Link always held up treasure he found in dungeons.[10]
"Yuigahama-san, I don't think playing cards are allowed on campus." Yukinoshita gently reminded Yuigahama.
"No, I'm pretty sure it's fine, as long we're not caught." I tell her. I honestly couldn't care less, but since Yuigahama was obviously proud of what she was showing off, we may as well humor her. I removed my earphones and looked at Yuigahama's cards. Incidentally, I was listening to Yuigahama's music recommendation, some singer with a silly repeating name. [11] She kept singing about some story I apparently didn't know…
"See, even Hikki wants to play!" Yuigahama triumphantly exclaimed. In return, Yukinoshita sighed.
"I'm not really interested. I'm not well-versed in card games, after all."
"That doesn't really surprise me, considering most card games require you to play with friends." I say, as I look at Yukinoshita with a cheeky grin.
"That's very bold of you, Hikigaya-kun. Surely the same is also true of you?" Yukinoshita immediately adopted her battle pose, smirking at me as she fixed the hair covering her ears.
"Unlike you, I actually have played card games with other people." Sure, most of the time it was either my sister or Zaimokuza, but that counts, right? Oh, there was that time with everyone during the school trip as well, I think.
"C-come on you guys, this really isn't the time to argue, I just want to play some card games." Yuigahama whined. Unfortunately, her plea fell on deaf ears.
"Oh? I find that very hard to believe, Hikigaya-kun."
"Guuuuys, let's not fight here, save it for when we play!"
"As you can see, I'm perfectly willing to play along with Yuigahama, which implies that I'm not afraid of playing whatever social game Yuigahama wants to play. You, on the other hand, refuse to participate, which implies that you're not confident with your ability to win. Definitely, it's because you have very little experience with card games."
"Hikkiiiii, come oooooooon, don't taunt Yukinon noooooooooow..."
"Come to think of it, I definitely do have experience playing card games, Hikigaya-kun. Did I not win the card game versus the UG Club?"
"Ugh, that gross game… why'd you have to bring that up, Yukinon?"
"Look, just admit it, you're afraid you're gonna lose. After all, Yuigahama and I are much more experienced at these kinds of games."
"Such cheap provocation… very well, I accept. I suppose you wish to use the same rules we used versus the UG Club?"
"Ugh, no, that penalty game was gross and disgusting. And please stop bringing up that entire debacle, I don't want to remember anything from that time."
"Hikki did end up in his underwear…"
"Yuigahama, these things are all in the past, all right? There's no point digging up such embarrassing memories."
"I thought it might be fun if it was just the three of us, though…"
"What?"
"Nothing, nothing!"
Yuigahama removed the deck of cards from its pack and began shuffling. "So, like, I was thinking about what a suitable penalty game was, and I thought of the perfect punishment!"
"Make the losers buy the winner drinks?" I hazarded, hoping that whatever Yuigahama's harebrained scheme was, it wouldn't be too difficult.
"No way, that's too easy!" Yuigahama immediately shot my suggestion down as she began distributing cards amongst the three of us. Uh, shouldn't we agree on what game we should play first?
"What I was thinking was, the losers have to treat the winner to lunch tomorrow!" Yuigahama proudly declared.
Well, I couldn't complain, since if I won I was getting free lunch. Still, doesn't it feel awkward to be getting free food from these two…?
"By treat, do you mean the losers will have to prepare lunch for the winner?" Yukinoshita inquired. "In that case, I feel as if I am at a disadvantage. Being treated to cheap bread by Hikigaya-kun or Yuigahama's…personal cooking doesn't seem like an interesting proposal."
"Yukinon's being mean again…!" Yuigahama's response as well-honed as always.
"Hey, I'm perfectly capable of preparing bento boxes myself. Well, as long as we have a decent dinner the night before. Leftovers aren't that hard to re-heat, you know? And if I really have to, I guess I can try cooking something… probably just curry, though."
Yukinoshita and Yuigahama, upon hearing my last sentence, simultaneously looked at me, their eyes and mouths agape.
"You…"
"…will cook?"
"What's with this totally surprised reaction? I'm perfectly capable of making my own lunches! I just don't want to!"
Besides, if Yukinoshita thinks the penalty game is too skewed in either Yuigahama or my favor, I may as well prove her wrong, right? Well, I'm confident in my ability to win, so I'm not too worried.
Yukinoshita coughed and cleared her throat. "Setting aside the penalty game, since I think we're in agreement…what will be the game?"
Yuigahama pondered things over for a moment, before replying, "Egyptian Ratscrew!"
"Really? Ugh, fine." I reply. Yukinoshita, in contrast, had no idea what the words Yuigahama uttered meant. A complete and total role reversal, I tell you.
"Hikigaya-kun, explain." Yukinoshita swiftly ordered me, as if I was a dog trained to bark at her command.
"Wait, you're not gonna hear the explanation from me?!" Yuigahama whined, her response swift and timed perfectly to Yukinoshita's well-honed stealth insult.
"You're terrible at explanations," Yukinoshita replied just as quickly. "Hikigaya-kun has plenty of faults, but he's knowledgeable about useless things."
So our little competition's useless now, huh?
Anyway, I explained the game. "Egyptian Ratscrew" is similar to the game Slapjack, where players took turns laying down cards from their own pile of cards until specific cards appeared – in which case the players rushed to "slap" the pile with their hands to claim all of the cards already laid down for their own.
In the case of Egyptian Ratscrew, the specific rules were as follows:
1) The player to the left of the dealer begins by placing a card face-up, always from the top of his/her deck (they can't look at the cards in their deck), to start a central pile. Play then proceeds around the circle until a face card or Ace is played
2) The next player then has a number of chances to play another face card or Ace, as follows: four chances after an Ace, three after a King, two after a Queen, and one after a Jack. The challenged player plays his/her cards, one at a time, until he/she either draws another face card onto the pile or exhausts all of his/her allowed chances. If the challenged player is able to play a face card, the next player after him/her must beat it; if the initial face card could not be beaten in its allotted chances, the challenger who placed it takes the pile.
3) There are certain combinations of cards that, when played, allows the players to "slap" the pile of cards to claim it on their own. For this particular game, we're going with the basics: the Double (any two cards of equal rank) and the sandwich (a double with one card of a different value between the two). As soon as Yukinoshita got the rules of the game, we could introduce new rules to make the game more tense.
4) The winner is the person who got all the cards. If you slap too early, you get penalized.
"Oh, my preferred house rule is fairly simple: if the two consecutive cards add up to a ten, you can slap the pile."
"That's a pretty simple rule, Hikki. I'm fine with it for now, although we can add more complicated rules later. Do you get it, Yukinon?"
"I-I think so. Let's just go. I intend to defeat both of you."
The first few rounds went fairly smoothly – we began by laying down a series of number cards, although none of them added up to a ten or formed a double, so no slaps happened.
The first serious slap was when Yukinoshita laid down the three of spades, and I followed up with the seven of hearts. Yuigahama, whose eyes were sharp as always, swiftly darted her hands towards the pile, slapping my hands away.
"Ow!" I squealed. Dammit, Yuigahama was playing to win here! Yuigahama simply grinned as she claimed the pile for her own.
"I see, so there is a physical element to this game as well," Yukinoshita sagely observed.
Yeah, that was partly why I agreed to this game. This was a game that required quick thinking, yes, and Yukinoshita was good at that, but it also required incredible reflexes and stamina – specifically, the willingness to endure pain as your hands repeatedly slapped against the table as you attempted to take card pile after card pile.
Nevertheless, Yukinoshita immediately bounced back – mastering the rules in just a few turns. Her speed was astounding too: immediately stealing any piles as soon as a sandwich or a double appeared. Her ability to immediately recognize "slappable" piles compensated for her inexperience, and soon Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were trading cards.
Well, not that it mattered to me. I was biding my time, carefully observing what cards I had gathered into my own deck, choosing the piles that mattered.
You see, while this game did have a physical element to it, there was the unavoidable fact that there was a way to win card piles without having to slap a pile: playing face cards.
My strategy, then, was to gather as many face cards as possible, and unleash them one by one to slowly deplete Yukinoshita and Yuigahama's decks. Of course, I can't see what card's coming up next in my deck, but that's why I intentionally allowed Yuigahama and Yukinoshita to take card piles that had very few face cards.
"There!"
"Hngh!"
"Gotcha!"
Soon, the room was filled the sounds of hands slapping against the table.
It became clear that Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were evenly matched – Yukinoshita was faster at slapping card piles, being able to identify doubles and sandwiches easily, but her poor stamina meant she couldn't press her advantage, allowing Yuigahama to take just as many card piles while Yukinoshita recovered her strength. I took card piles whenever possible, but I was content to leave the main battle to those two.
However, it meant that my deck was numerically lesser than that of either Yuigahama or Yukinoshita.
Also, another problem presented itself: most of my face cards were concentrated at the bottom of my deck, so there soon arrived a round where we continuously laid down number cards, one after the other, without getting doubles, sandwiches, or any combination that added up to ten. In other words, we were building up a sizable pile of cards.
This is bad… whoever takes this pile will have a sizable advantage.
Having a huge pile of cards at your disposal was a very strong advantage. While my strategy made use of high-quality cards, I couldn't risk my opponents having a huge number of cards with which they could build combinations with. Plus, no matter how careful I was, I couldn't ensure I had all the face cards, so they could easily surprise me by springing a surprise face card I wasn't expecting.
In other words, I had to absolutely win this pile.
It was Yukinoshita's turn at last, and she laid down the Queen of Diamonds. This is what I was afraid of: that they'd have random face cards. Now, as long as I don't have another queen…
My own deck was alarmingly low on cards.
I drew, and laid down the Jack of Clubs. That meant Yuigahama had to lay down one card, and hope she puts down a face card. The probability of such a thing was low, since Yuigahama had amassed quite a large number of number cards.
"Oh man…this is tense." Yuigahama took a deep breath, and Yukinoshita did the same. The three of us were sweating, despite the cool weather, because of the intensity of the game and the frequent slaps beginning to sting the palm of our hands. Yuigahama, sensing the importance of whatever she had, drew and laid the card atop the table.
It was the Queen of Hearts.
For a moment, it felt as if we were engulfed by some kind of heavy mist. My entire body moved as if wading through molasses, and my brain was sluggish and refused to work.
On top of the card pile was a queen, a jack, and another queen. According to our rules, this was fair game for a slap.
After an eternity, I felt my hands move on their own.
To my left, Yukinoshita did the same, her hands moving at the speed of light.
Yuigahama, who had laid down the card, realized what was happening and reacted in the same way.
Three hands, all rushing towards the card pile.
In that moment –
Our hands landed atop the card pile simultaneously.
More specifically, our hands crashed into each other and became entangled.
I felt my fingers interlock with both Yukinoshita's and Yuigahama's, as all three hands landed atop the card pile on the same time. I felt Yukinoshita's smooth, cold hands and Yuigahama's soft, warm hands intertwine with mine. All three hands had an equal claim to the card pile, but nobody seemed to notice. All I could feel were their hands, both irreplaceably unique, both hands highly different – but at that moment, all three hands fit each other perfectly.
Yuigahama stared at our hands, locked together, in shock.
Yukinoshita, evidently, had a hard time registering the scene.
In that moment, my heart began racing, and I felt blood rush towards my face.
Yuigahama's face began turning red.
Yukinoshita's breathing became rapid.
Definitely, this was the worst kind of development –
"…the hell are you people doing?"
Kawasaki Saki's voice broke us out of our reverie.
-0-
A/N: Whew, we delved a bit into Kaiji territory there, huh? I did my best to hold back on the drama in this chapter, but I can't help it any more - next chapter will involve some of it. Dammit, I swore I wanted to write cute, fluffy shit!
I really like communicating with the readers, so I highly encourage y'all leave a review. I want to hear your thoughts on the story, points to improve, how you think the story will go from chapter to chapter, that kind of stuff. See, a major point of the series is playing with and subverting people's expectations and assumptions, and I tried to do something similar with Yukino's "Will you go out with me" scene from chapters 2-3. I was kind of hoping to mess with everyone's expectations, especially to those who went "Ah, she's just messing with him," and to twist those expectations a bit, in the same way that Hachiman's assumptions and expectations are all shattered and questioned relentlessly by the story.
What I'm getting at is that I'd like to gauge what everyone reading this story expects to see, chapter-by-chapter, to know if I'm pulling off that careful balancing act of fulfilling expectations, and at the same time legitimately surprising complacent opinions and predictions. Part of the themes of the series is that you must never, ever take anything for granted, and that assuming you know how things will work out on your own is a bad idea, and I want to impart that sensation on readers who think they know exactly how the story is going to play out.
Well, that's that. Basically, here's the thing: leave a review!
[1] To this day, I find it baffling that a series like OreImo exists. Even if it's also set in Chiba, please don't think that all Chiba residents are hopeless siscons who dote on their younger siblings, even if said younger sibling hates them.
[2] Kirino's pet phrase (actually very ubiquitous in anime) is pretty easy to translate, but I like going with this one the most.
[3] Super Hero Time is a programming block on the Japanese television network, TV Asahi, featuring new episodes of tokusatsu television series from the Super Sentai and Kamen Rider series. SHT is what precedes PreCure, so don't be surprised if there's a ton of crossover fanart between the three franchises. It helps that they're all owned by Toei.
[4] The show Yukinoshita's talking about, Kamen Rider Kabuto, featured a main character whose Rider form was similar to that of kabutomushi (かぶとむし), or the Japanese rhinoceros beetle.
[5] The most notable ability of the Riders in Kamen Rider Kabuto is "Cast Off", which allows them to shed their excess armor to switch into a less bulky form.
[6] Yukinoshita's Noble Phantasm would probably be an EX rank Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm with the property of "not looking like a fatal blow until it connects". It would probably feel like receiving a gift from someone, only for said gift to reveal a bomb.
[7] Which is the superior anime set in Chiba?
[8] One of Shiba Miyuki's abilities from The Irregular in Magic High School is called Cocytis. Miyuki's voice, incidentally, is similar to a certain other Ice Queen.
[9] Iris' catchphrase from Pokemon: Best Wishes.
[10] Nothing beats the feeling of finding a new item while playing The Legend of Zelda. The tune they use to reveal items is amazing too.
[11] Can YOU guess who Hachiman is listening to? And what song?