Hey guys! Again, I'm really sorry for such a late update, I've been so busy with family because of the holidays, but I'm back with another chapter! As always, I hope you enjoy and don't forget to review and follow this story to be alerted when a new chapter comes out!

Quote of the Chapter:

"Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." -Katniss

Chapter 3

"My favorite color is orange. Real or not real?" Peeta asks, looking up at me expectantly.

"Real, but it's not a bright orange, it's more of a sunset kind of orange." I answer him but he knows that. He has asked me that same question before, in the Capitol. I don't know why he always asks the same question if he knows what the answer is already, so before I can stop myself, I say, "But you already knew that. Didn't you?"

He hesitates before he answers.

"I, uh, I guess I did but there's nothing wrong with being absolutely sure that it's right because at the moment, not a lot, in my head, is right." he says and I can hear the desperation in his voice, "I feel horrible inside. I know that the memories in my head are wrong. I've been told that many times since I got back from being captured. The only thing worse than knowing that, is knowing that every time I see those memories, I give in to them. I let them control me and there's no way I can stop it. I fight it, I honestly do, but I'm not as strong as I once was. I don't have enough of the real, untouched memories to fight back with. I'm weak, can't you see?"

He looks up at me and I notice his eyes have a different look to them, a slightly crazed and a slightly clouded look. I can only see them for a second before he closes them and puts his hands up to his face. I know what's happening. He's having a flashback.

I don't know what to do and neither does Haymitch, so I do what he used to do to me when I had a nightmare. I'm going to try to talk him out of it.

"Peeta, it's not real. Whatever you're seeing it's not real. It's not-"

"BE QUIET, YOU MUTT." Peeta cuts me off before I have a chance to finish. He takes his hands away from his face for a second, just long enough for me to see his tear streaked face and fully clouded eyes before pressing them back into his face.

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOU'RE JUST A STUPID MUTT."

I'm staring at Peeta in shock and I can't stop the flow of tears streaming down my face. I know it's not the real Peeta saying those hurtful things. It's the hijacked Peeta who hates me and wants to kill me, but that doesn't stop me from feeling hurt and betrayed.

"Katniss, I think you should go home now. I'll help him." Haymitch says but I don't listen to him, I can't listen to him. His voice is overpowered by Peeta's grunting and screaming as he's trying to fight his way back to reality. I haven't taken my eyes off of him and he's doing everything he can think of to pull himself out of his vivid nightmare, pulling his hair, biting his lips to the point that there's blood coming from his mouth, and pinching himself so hard that I'm sure he's going to have bruises. After a few minutes of just sitting there, I realize that Haymitch is right. This is too much.

"I can't see him like this. I can't stand this." I say, my voice cracking. As soon as I get up, I'm running out of Haymitch's house.

When I get outside, I have no idea where I'm going to go. I can't stand going back to my house with so many bad memories and I can't go to the woods without walking through town, and that brings up too many bad memories. Anywhere I go my memories will be right behind me so I drop to my knees in the space between Haymitch's house and my house and cry.

I can hear stumbling from inside Haymitch's house and I'm worried that one of them hurt the other, but I can't find the will to get up and check on them, so I just cry. I cry for everything. I cry for everyone who I didn't know and died because of me. I cry for Peeta, Haymitch, Prim, Rue, Thresh, and the list goes on and on.

I eventually fall asleep with these thoughts in my head, curled up in a ball, leaning on Haymitch's house.

I wake up to the feeling of being carried by someone. I open one eye and as my eyes are adjusting, I hear Haymitch talk.

"Hey sweetheart. You haven't been asleep for long. Maybe about two hours." Haymitch says. I look at his face and realize that there is a big welt right under his eye.

"What happened to your face?" I ask and it sounds rude, but Haymitch knows what I'm talking about.

"He started swinging as soon as I touched him. I just got in his line of fire, but if you think this look bad then you're in for a surprise when you see him." As soon as he says it, he instantly looks surprisingly sad. "Sorry. I didn't mean to tell you that."

"It's alright. I don't think he'd care if you told me." I say, sounding like a wounded animal. The truth is, what Haymitch says is going to affect me for awhile. He sets me down and we walk side by side until we're at my front door. He turns and looks me straight in the eye before I have the chance to open the door and walk in.

"I think you'd be surprised at how much he cares." I open my mouth, about to say something, when he stops me. "I know you think otherwise and I know you're scared, but he's scared too. You know what he did as soon as he snapped out of his thoughts? He asked if you were okay. He asked if he hurt you at all. He started crying harder than I've ever seen anyone cry, even more than I've seen you cry. It took awhile to convince him that he didn't do anything to you and even then he doesn't believe me. That boy is something else. I don't know how his heart is so big after all he's been through."

"Yeah. I ask myself, sometimes, how anyone can be so nice. He means so much to me and you two are all that I have left. Everyone else is either dead or gone. I don't think you understand though. I'm scared to admit that because whenever I say I care about someone, they end up leaving one way or another." As I say this I have tears in my eyes because I wish I could deny it, but I can't. It's true. Everything I care about gets ripped away from me.

"No, I don't think you understand. He still loves you. He probably loves you more now than he ever did before, which is hard to see. Being hijacked has opened his eyes in a way that neither of ours will ever be opened. He won't admit it, yet, because I'm sure he's scared of losing you, just like you're scared of losing him." Haymitch tells me this with such certainty that I can't help but hope that it's true.

"Okay. See you later." I say before I open the door to go inside. As I step into my house, Haymitch puts his hand on my shoulder. I don't turn around and he doesn't attempt to turn me around.

"Don't forget that he's still fighting. He's fighting for you." With that Haymitch's hand leaves my shoulder and I can hear his feet walking away from me. I close the door and go to sit on my chair in the living room. Buttercup comes and sits beside me.

"Why did this have to happen to him? Of all the people it could've happened to, it had to happen to the best person I've ever met. He doesn't deserve to be living like this. He doesn't deserve to be living like this for me. I don't see why or how he could still love me." I am crying now, but it seems to me that I'm always crying nowadays. Buttercup just sits there and looks at me. The cats presence is somewhat soothing, maybe that's why Prim loved it so much.

Peeta's never going to want to see me again because I always seem to hurt him. I always send him into his flashbacks. I want to see him again because just the thought of being away from him for long is terrifying. I don't think I would be able to survive without him.

This thought brings me back to a darker time, a time full of violence and war. It brings me back to the cellar in Tigris's shop. I hear voices. Two voices that meant the world to me. Peeta and Gale.

They were talking about me when they thought I was asleep. Gale had gotten Peeta some water and Gale said he was up anyway, that it was no big deal. Peeta had asked if it was to make sure I was still there, if I was still okay, and Gale said that it was "something like that." Then they started arguing about who I really loved. When Gale had said that it would be trouble if all three of us survived and it was my problem, who to pick, Peeta wondered how I would pick. Gale said that it was simple. He said that I would pick who I couldn't survive without.

At that time, I thought I could survive without either of them, but now I realize something else. I can survive without Gale. Yes, I am sad that this how things turned out, but I've survived without him before. I survived two Hunger Games and he wasn't in either of them. I survived threats from President Snow without him. I survived many things without him there.

Peeta, however was with me every step of the way. He was on every train I was on. He went through every arena I went through. He went through every pain and more than I went through. He was with me on this journey against President Snow. He was there to comfort me when I had nightmares. He was just always there. Even when he wasn't there, he was there. Always in my heart ever since he threw that bread to me.

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll try to update sooner than I did. Review!

Quote Preview:

"You're alive." -Katniss