Chapter 2

"Well, this wasn't exactly what I expected," Shawn said as they left the elevator and entered the lobby of the Bluth Company headquarters. They quickly jumped out of the way to avoid being struck by a bowling ball heading down the hallway. It was followed closely by a pair of remote controlled cars. The sound of a karaoke machine could be heard from somewhere around the corner.

A quick walk through the premises showed no evidence of any work being done anywhere in the office. The only person even in their own seat was the inattentive woman sitting at the barren receptionist's desk in the lobby. She was holding a cell phone in one hand and a nail file in the other. She completely failed to notice Shawn and Gus enter the floor and pass her. By the time they finished looking over the scene and returned, she still hadn't moved.

"Excuse me," Shawn said as he knocked on the desk. "Hi. I'm Shawn Spencer and this is my partner Habanero Go-Go Boots."

The lady at the desk didn't respond.

They waited for a few more moments, hoping for a delayed reaction. They still received nothing but silence.

"Hello?" Shawn said, waving a hand in front of the woman's face. He again received no response.

"Aw, man! I can't believe I wasted a perfectly good intro," Shawn whined.

"Dude, I got this," Gus said cockily as he rubbed his thumb along his nose. He took a seat on the desk, reached across and tapped the woman on the shoulder.

She jerked violently and swatted at the hand Gus was quickly pulling away. When she calmed down a moment later, she took a quick at the man sitting on her desk and gave him her most inviting leer.

Shawn and Gus both jumped back in response to the scary-looking smile.

"Hey there," Gus said with a forced smile. "I'm here with my partner for our 2:00 PM appointment."

"Are you Shawn Spencer?" the woman asked him.

"I'm Shawn Spencer," Shawn interjected. "This is my partner, Senor Snuffleupagus."

"You can call me Gus."

"Most people call me Kitty, but you can call me whatever and whenever you want," she replied with a giggle. "I'll just let GOB know that you're here."

She turned to the door near her desk. "GOB!" she screamed without leaving her chair. "Misters Spencer and Snuffleupagus are here."

"Who?" an irritated voice yelled back.

"That psychic detective you hired, you [bleep]ing moron," she shouted before turning back to the men at her desk, muttering under her breath. "I can't believe I actually miss having Michael in charge."

On hearing her comment, Shawn caught the eyes of his partner. He sent him a "This girl could have some vital intel" look.

Gus responded with a "I am not flirting with her for some information" look in response.

Shawn looked down frustrated before shooting Gus a "Dude, you know how important this is. You have to do it!"

Gus sent back a "Why don't you do it?"

Shawn replied with an "I have to go into the office and snoop" frown. He followed that with a "Besides, you're the ladies' man" smirk.

Gus gave a sideways nod, conceding the point.

Kitty missed the entire non-verbal conversation as she went back to filing her nails. Just as Shawn and Gus finished gesturing to each other, a thought occurred to her. Looking up at the men from Psych, she spoke.

"If you find Michael, tell him he's never going to see these again!" she exclaimed as she pulled her top up and flashed them. After turning from one man to the other for a full 15 seconds, she finally pulled her shirt back down.

Both Shawn and Gus stood there with looks of shock.

As Kitty finished showing her wares, they all heard some music start from inside the office. It sounded like Europe's "The Final Countdown" being played on an old tape deck that was dying, causing the tape to speed up, slow down and change pitches. They also saw a few wisps of smoke and smelled the distinctive odor of a fog machine. A few moments later, GOB slid out the door of his office, a deck of cards in hand.

At least, he attempted the slide out of the door. The carpeted floors didn't cooperate, causing his shoes to catch and topple him.

"Come on!" he yelled as he got back up.

Kitty rolled her eyes and went back to ogling Gus.

"You must be GOB. I'm Shawn Spencer, psychic super sleuth. This is my partner, Busybody McMahon," Shawn said as stepped towards the man. Just as he was about to reach out his hand to shake, he noticed the tube coming up the man's sleeve. He quickly stepped off to the side.

Almost instantly he was rewarded for his foresight. "And I'm GOB Bluth, CEO of Bluth Company and magician extraordinaire," he said as a stream of lighter fluid shot out of his coat and onto the nearby wall.

"Why does that never work?" GOB muttered as he turned his wrist and looked down his sleeve.

Before Shawn could knock the arm away, the flint caught, setting fire to one of GOB's eyebrows.

"Oh, [bleep]!" GOB screamed. Before anyone could help him, he turned around and stepped towards the door to his office. His aim was a little off, so he ran straight into the wall. Barely pausing, he moved to the left and hurried through the door, finding the nearest liquid he could and splashing his face.

Unfortunately, it was a glass of his mother's bourbon.

GOB finally got the fireball he wanted. However, it scorched his other eyebrow and most of the hair on his head in the process. It also set off the smoke alarm.

And the sprinkler system.

As the water from the sprinklers finally doused the flames and washed away the alcohol, GOB trudged out of his office. "I've made a huge mistake," he mumbled as he headed towards the exit, passing a stunned and sodden Gus and the empty desk where Kitty had been sitting before she high-tailed it out of the building at the first sign of trouble.

A few moments later, the sprinklers shut off. Almost instantly, the pseudo-psychic climbed out from under Kitty's desk. He shook off the few drops of water that had hit him.

"Dude, we've got the place to our self... or is it ourselves... for a few minutes until the fire department gets here and gives the all clear. Let's start snooping!" Shawn said excitedly.

Gus scowled as Shawn brushed past him and went into GOB's office.

"Dude, get in here!" Shawn shouted. He came back through the door, grabbed his partner by the arm, and dragged him into the office.

Gus growled his displeasure but followed Shawn's lead and started pulling open drawers. "This is horrible!" he cried a few moments later.

"What?" Shawn asked as he turned to face Gus.

"The filing system here is atrocious! They're even worse at organization than you are. I mean, how can you have bills from 2003 filed with permit registrations in 2007 and taxes from '06?" Gus complained.

"Well, what do they have in common?" Shawn asked.

"Nothing," Gus replied shortly.

"They gotta have something in common," Shawn pressed.

"There's nothing, Shawn," Gus declared. "It's like someone has just thrown things into folders in drawers at random."

"Huh," Shawn grunted distractedly, focused on the garbage can next to the desk. "Hey, Gus, check this out."

Gladly abandoning his fruitless search, Gus joined Shawn staring into the waste bin. "What's that?"

"That, my friend, is our first clue."

Near the top of the container was a framed picture. Under the shattered glass was a young woman standing next to a yacht.

"We find her, we find the missing men," Gus declared.

"Dude, why do you always try to do that?" Shawn asked.

"Do what?" Gus replied.

"That whole David Caruso ominous-talking thing?" Shawn shot back. "You know it doesn't work for you. It really doesn't work for anyone. Including him."

"Whatever, Shawn."

"Besides, you're totally wrong. She's not the important thing. The boat is," Shawn added gloatingly.

"How can you tell?"

"Look at the composition of the picture. It's been framed to get that yacht in the best light and at the optimal angle to lengthen its lines. Then look at the harsh lights and washed-out appearance of the girl. She's just shoved off to the side, like she was a last minute, and unwanted, addition," Shawn explained.

"I saw the purchase order for that yacht a few minutes ago," Gus exclaimed. "No wonder they're being investigated by the SEC."

"What does a boat have to do with college football?" Shawn questioned.

Gus gave his partner a pointed, disapproving glare. "The Securities & Exchange Commission. We've been through this already!"

"Whatever. Come on, let's get going before the firemen get here," Shawn said as he headed out.

~'`^`'~-,._.,-~'`^`'~-,._.,-~'`^`'~

Posted 2016-04-05