A/N: Hello again, Firstly I need to apologise once again for my delayed posting, but I've just been super busy and this chapter was tough to write. Secondly thanks again for the continuous support by favouriting and following this story, I have over 70 followers, like what?! Thank you to everyone who took the time to review the last chapter, I loved reading them and hearing all your opinions on Alex. All these things combined give me the encouragement to continue writing so thanks again for that. Also just a little heads up Emily and Paige are endgame in this story, I know some of you have expressed concerned regarding that but it will happen, things have to get a little angsty first but I can promise it will be worth it in the end... or atleast I hope you'll feel that way. Enough with the waffling, here's chapter 9:
"Hey Paige, Alex! You made it, thank you both so much for coming… Also can I just say how you two look seriously hot together… I mean I totally would" Hanna came running over when she saw the two women enter the bar, her eyes immediately taken in just how attractive they were as a couple. Paige was wearing a fitted black suit, a crisp white button-up shirt, brought together by a black skinny tie and some dress shoes while Alex was wearing a stunning red dress with gold detailing and heels allowing her to be that bit closer to Paige's height. Paige's hand never once straying from her girlfriend's lower back as they looked around the vast room, the two blushing on hearing Hanna's words.
"Yeah, she scrubs up well doesn't she" Alex spoke adoringly as she leaned into Paige's touch, reaching a hand up to caress her girlfriend's face before stealing a kiss from her girlfriend's lips.
Caleb noticed the three talking and quickly made his way over to welcome them.
Paige immediately spotted him approaching and begin introducing her girlfriend "Caleb this is my girlfriend, Alex… Alex this is Caleb Rivers".
"It's so lovely to finally meet you Alex… Thank you both for coming. It really means a lot" Caleb smiled sincerely.
"It's so great I finally get to meet you… Paige rarely stops talking about you. I mean, If I wasn't so sure she is oh so very gay I'd be pretty worried" Alex responded making the group laugh.
"Yeah I use to worry about the too, Alex" Hanna interjected.
"Culler's would only be so lucky to get this" Caleb laughed, jokingly rubbing his chest in a sexily manner.
"Please… Number one that's kinda gross and number two I'm perfectly happy with what I have right here" Paige smiled smugly, placing a delicate kiss to Alex's temple.
Hanna immediately hitting her hand into her husband's chest "See why can't you be all romantic like Paigey?" Her action causing Paige and Alex to burst into laughter.
"Wow thanks Paigey… I'm in the dog house for the night now" Caleb playfully pouted knowing his wife was only half serious, Paige just rolled her eyes at his playfulness.
"Anyway we shouldn't keep you. Spencer and Toby should be around, Emily's here somewhere too… Also you'll probably run into a few familiar face from Rosewood, and maybe some of your colleagues if they decided to come." Hanna suggested, her blue eyes flitting across the crowded space.
"Cool sure we'll go wander around in a bit, we'll just go get some drinks first" Paige suggested pointing towards the nearest bar, her hand slipping gracefully into her girlfriend's hold, their fingers instantly moulding together perfectly.
"Awesome. See you guys later and thanks again for showing up" Caleb added as his hands reached around Hanna's waist before moving her forward "come on Darling, we have to go mingle", his voice stressing the word 'darling', reference their earlier incident.
Paige and Alex chatted together, while they made their way towards the bar. The two unable to peel their eyes away from the other, completely entranced by each other's beauty.
Emily immediately caught sight of Paige and Alex, walking towards the bar on the other side of the room. Emily as hard as she tried could not take her eyes off of Paige in that suit. She looks incredible. Suits were one of Emily's greatest weaknesses especially when it came to her attraction to Paige, and Paige looked hotter than ever in the suit she was wearing just now. Every fibre of her being began to tingle, and emulated an itch she would never be able to ease tediously taunting her, as she desperately wished she was the woman on Paige's arm. Emily quickly finished off her glass of complementary champagne on the way to the other bar in search of something a little stronger knowing she needed to distract herself somehow. It was going to be one hell of a long night.
Emily remained at the bar, suddenly not very interested in socialising with any of the people present, she also wanted to avoid any kind of run in with Paige and Alex, afraid of what she might do or say especially with the way Paige looked tonight. Emily was sure the image of Paige in that suit would be burned in her mind forever, gratuitously teasing her. She gave up watching the two after about thirty minutes as the pain of watching them interact became too torturous, the subtle hand movements of Paige's hand on her girlfriend's lower back, or if Alex brushed Paige's hair behind her ear before whispered what Emily presumed were sweet nothings making her laugh, it was the moment when Alex grabbed Paige's tie pulling her in for a heated kiss that turned her stomach, given her enough encouragement to quickly order and down her first shot. Luckily for her a distraction came in the form of a smoking hot brunette, who she quickly got chatting to, after offering to buy her a drink. The two were immediately caught up in conversation, eased in by the amount of alcohol they were willing to drink, resulting in the two taken a few shots each as they playfully challenged one and other, on top of their other drink. The two continued talking for the next hour flirting, laughing and at numerous times practically undressing one and other with their eyes.
"Hey babe, I'll be right back… I'm just going to get another drink, you want one?" Paige leaned towards her girlfriend's ear making sure she could hear her over the band that was playing.
Alex smiled in return signalling a yes, although Paige knew from the type of smile she just received her girlfriend was also pretty bored and only doing this for her sake.
Paige made her way towards the bar not noticing the raven haired girl sat in the company of a tall brunette. Paige could immediately tell Emily was pretty drunk as she leaned forward almost slipping off the bar stool only to be caught by her new admirer, the two bursting out into an obnoxious laughter thanks to Emily's mishap. The laughter had suddenly stopped when Paige caught sight of the two now in a heated making-out session like two horny teenagers at an underage disco.
"Imma go out to the smoking area, but I'll be back in a little bit I promise" The brunette spoke as she leaned in to kiss Emily again this time almost missing her lips, Emily nodded a little stunned in response, the beat of her heart had increased somewhat after that kiss.
Emily signalled towards the bar man "Can I get another… umm… another dirty Martini and a shot tequila… actually two, one for the lady that was here… thanksss" her voice slurring as she ordered her drink.
"Wow you don't even know her name." Paige huffed under her breath, immediately regretting what she had just said, knowing Emily has a sharp tongue when she gets drunk and could easily rip right through her.
"I'm sorry? What d'you say?" Emily shot the girl a glaring look, it took her a few seconds to realise who the girl actually was "Paige, really?! Wow... you're one to talk!"
"I think you've had quite enough to drink, Emily. It might be best if you go home before you do something you'll regret. Hanna's busy but we can try find Spencer or Toby" Paige voiced a little calmer this time noticing just how drunk the other girl was, her genuine concern immediately kicking in.
"Are you fucking kidding me? Why… I think you'd… you should go back to your… your perfect girlfriend and maybe tell her to at least pretend to be interested when she's meeting your friends, Paige. She… she couldn't s'look more bored and disinterested if … if she fuckin' tried. What?! Does s'everyone else here lack ambition, just like me… is s'that why she so fucking disinterested?" Emily hissed in return, her words hurting Paige but she refused to let it show. Paige looked over at Alex who caught her glance watching the two interact, she simply rolled her eyes as Paige shot her an apologetic look.
Emily turned on her seat to knock back the shot of tequila, although Paige was good at hiding her hurt and annoyance, Emily knew her words were difficult for the girl to take.
"Okay Emily, what Alex said about you the other day was uncalled for, yes… but you have no right to insult my girlfriend." Paige replied harshly, unable to hold back her anger at the other girl's words.
"Whatever Paige… jussss leave me the fuck alone!" Emily rolled her eyes, turning away from Paige again taking a sip from her martini this time.
"Emily, I really think you should go home… or at least stop drinking"
"Paige… Why the fuck do you even care?" Emily turned back her voice raised again.
"Because I'm your friend, Emily… I'm supposed to care!"
"Fuck being friends!"
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"If you really cared… if you really care soooo fuckin' much, you… Paige, you should just leave! You're pretty good at leaving, right?!"
"What?! What are you even taking about?!"
"You left for Scotland with no plans on ever returning, Paige… or have you s'already forgotten that part of your life, now that you're living this picture fuckin perfect lifestyle with a girlfriend who you can do ten times better than…"
"You have got to be fucking kidding me, Emily… really? Because my leaving had nothing to do with you at all? Also I told you, you can say whatever the fuck you like about me, Emily… but don't you dare say one bad thing about Alex, you lost your right to comment on any part of my life the moment YOU said 'goodbye'… you're the one who gave up on us, Emily! Or did you fucking forget that part of the story. That's all on you."
"Best fucking decision of my life…"
"Fuck you, Emily… and you right, fuck being friends too" Paige quickly turned on her heels knowing she wouldn't be able to hold back her tears much longer.
"Woah… Woah what the hell is going with you, two?!" Spencer came rushing over when she heard the two raised voices, she watched as Paige quickly walked off grabbing her jacket and her girlfriend's hand before swiftly leaving the bar with her head down, Spencer's eyes now focusing in on Emily.
"What the hell happened, Em?"
"Looooks like…. like Paige and I are no longer friends… at least I nooo longer run the riskkk of confessing my love for her… or trying to kiss her… or telling her how I really feel" Emily laughed sadly to herself, not able to meet Spencer eye line.
"Em, I think we should get you home hon"
"Fuck! Not you too Spence… I'm fine, okay. I'm 25 fucking years old I can look after myself, my own damn self… Just stop and leave me alone!"
"Em, no really come on we'll go find Toby, and you can stay at our apartment tonight" Spencer tried to reason with her best friend.
"Don't touch me, Spencer… anyways I'm… I'mma staying at Hanna's! I'll just sit here s'until… until we're ready to go… okaaay" Emily voice still slurring as she pointed to a couch in the corner, lying through her teeth knowing that wasn't her real intentions at all.
"Okay, fine… I'll get you a pint of water as well."
As soon as Spencer headed towards the bar Emily made a beeline for the smoking area hoping to find the girl from earlier, knowing going home with her would be a welcome distraction, at least for a few hours. The pain Emily was feeling within her heart was tearing her up inside and she needed to forget it, the alcohol wasn't helping so maybe some mindless sex with a stranger would.
Emily caught sight of the brunette swaying lightly, showing just how drunk this girl was as she put out her cigarette, Emily made her way over to the tall brunette, Emily only now noticing the girl she had been making-out with earlier shared some similar features to Paige, athletic build, strong shoulders, long straight brown hair and a similar face shape.
"Hey yo…" The brunette started speaking, quickly cut off by Emily capturing her lips within her own. The taste of stale smoke and cigarette on the girls tongue felt as if Emily had just stuck her tongue into an ashtray, turning her stomach somewhat but she really didn't care. The heated kiss, very messy and uncoordinated given the two's intoxicated state, continued for a few moments before Emily pulled back "let's get out here". Every fibre in her body was telling her this was a bad idea, that this was so out of character, so reckless but she knew if she stopped for one moment, the self-hatred, regret, shame and unbearable feeling as the sharpened edges of her broken heart began to rip through her would simply kill her, she would no longer be able to hold herself together.
Emily not waiting on a response grabbed the other girl's hand and led her out of the bar through a more discreet side entrance. As soon as they were outside the other girl took control pushing Emily roughly into the wall behind her, her mouth immediately attaching itself to the raven-haired girl's neck, sure to leave a mark, and probably more than one. Emily thankful for the wall behind her offering the two support knowing neither of them were in state to hold their balance. Emily pushing the other girl off her for a moment noticing a taxi cab pull up… grabbing her hand before rushing towards the cab. The two bursting into laugher when Emily's feet went from under her and she fell forward, she was lucky enough to have caught herself before hitting the ground, ultimately avoiding any more damage to herself. The two girls slid into the backseat of car, Emily hands immediately wrapping around the other girls neck, her body still in dire need of a distraction, as their lips and tongues fought each other for dominance once again.
The two were interrupted by the driver coughing loudly trying to capture the two's attention, causing a fit of laughter to unfold once again, the driver wasn't at all amused "Where to, ladies?".
Emily looked to the other girl hoping she'd offer up her address, but she didn't seem to be offering very quickly. Emily said Hanna's address reluctantly, knowing Ashley was minding Jacob tonight, the alcohol somehow making her believe that the woman just wouldn't mind… or she'd be able to sneak in somehow. Emily now regretting proposing her room when Sarah her roommate, said her sister who had been living in Australia this past year was coming to visit, telling her she would just stay in Hanna's guest room for the few days her sister was in town.
As soon as the car began moving the two girls began kissing again, Emily was pretty sure her lipstick was all over her face and the face of girl she was kissing. Her lips were swollen and she didn't want to think about how many hickeys marked her neck. Emily's body was on fire, the burn growing more intense when she felt the other girl's hand ghost over her chest, eliciting a moan of desire. The two were interrupted by the forced coughing sounds of the driver once again, signalling they had reached their destination.
The two girls tangled together, almost came crashing to the floor when the elevator door opened. Emily had to push the other girl off her for a moment in search of the key for Hanna and Caleb's apartment, "One second, babe I need toooo… to find the s'keys" as she began rooting trough her bag she knocked everything in it out onto the floor her co-ordination nowhere near where it usually is given the amount of alcohol in her system. The other brunette collapsed to the floor losing her balance when she tried to help Emily pick up her stuff.
"Found it" Emily yelped gleefully when she found the key, the other girl smiling up at her before Emily helped her back up to her feet once again.
Emily's next task was to try and open the door, while staying quite enough to not disturb Ashley, but this was posing a little more difficult than she first suspected given her double vision and the wave of distraction that would course through her body every time her new brunette friend lips found just the right spot on her neck.
Suddenly the door opened.
"Mrs… Mrs Marin…" Emily voiced… she hadn't called Ashley, Mrs Marin since high school but she suddenly felt embarrassed having being caught like two teenagers trying to sneak home from a party, she wasn't supposed to be at let alone be drunk.
"Emily… and you're friend?"
"Uhh… umm this is… this is.." Emily laughed slightly before a crease appeared in her brow she still didn't know the other girl's name.
"Olivia but you s'can call me Liv" The other girl smiled, her arm playfully wrapping around Emily's waist.
"Yeah… uhhh she's… she's s'gonna stay me tonight" Emily would never be this forward but tonight she had alcohol as a substitute for courage.
"Oh really?" Ashley replied somewhat amused, she remained still blocking the entrance into the apartment.
"Yeah… so can we like go in… or?" Emily was a little confused with Ashley still blocking the front door.
"Yes, Emily you can… but there is no way I'm letting a complete stranger into the same house as my grandson" Ashley replied sternly, a sudden dart of pain hitting Emily, she needed this distraction and Ashley Marin was taken that away for her.
"She's not a stranger… her names… ummm her name is Viv, see not a stranger… we know her name!" Emily pushed again the other brunette looking suddenly unimpressed.
"No actually it's Liv, Emily. Now you can either come in here by yourself which I think would be best for everyone or you can leave. I mean I can't stop you from going and getting a hotel somewhere for the night."
Anger was making itself known again within Emily "I hope you… you're fucking joking? I mean of all s'people to deny me this it's you… or have you just forgotten about Darren Wilden… you went through this… you went through this same fucking thing!" Emily spit out immediately regretting what she had just said, but she needed this. If she stopped she would have to deal with what she said to Paige. She just needed a few hours to feel nothing, to not have to think, she could already feel the regret, the pain, the agony bubbling inside. She hated herself for knowingly hurting the woman she admired, loved and respected so much, Ashley Marin was like a second mother to Emily, she took her in when her mom went to Texas, never once questioned her over her sexuality. The look on Ashley's face not once faltering. Hanna had told her mother about Paige's return, filling her in on how Emily was struggling a little with it but she had never imagined things got this bad.
"I said it already Emily… I'll say it one more time. You can come in here, alone… or you can go off somewhere else." Ashley's voice remained unsympathetic.
"Listen…babe maybe I should just s'go…" the other girl spoke, a little wearier of the drama in Emily's life not wanting to get involved.
"No… no… please don't" Emily voice close to a whimper cried out, pulling the other girl into a heated kiss, not caring she had an audience, as she put everything she had into it, trying to hold on to her desire for distraction for as long as possible. The other girl eventually pulled away, her eyes speaking of her sorrow for having to leave, as she turned back stumbling slightly towards the elevator.
Emily didn't speak a word as she walked dishearteningly into the River's living area flopping down on the sofa.
"I'll get you some water in a minute Emily, I just want to ring down to Joe and make sure that young lady gets into a taxi safety" Ashley explained glancing at Emily who looked a shadow of her usual self, not even acknowledging her words her eyes fogged in a daze as she stared dejectedly at her phone. 8 missed calls and 10 text messages but none from the one she needed to hear from the most.
Emily eye's focused in on the screen in front of her pouring even bit of concentration she could muster given her drunken state into stitching a few letters together, thanking goodness for the invention of autocorrect as the word she wanted popped up on screen. Sorry.
Ashley quickly returned, speeding up when she saw Emily texting not wanting her to do anything that would make matters any worse. She grabbed the phone from the dark-haired girls shaken hands. Message delivered – Paige McCullers.
Hanna's mother now noticing the numerous missed calls and texts messages coming from Hanna, Spencer, Toby, Caleb and even some from Aria, all worried about her whereabouts after she left without telling anyone. Ashley swiftly sent a reply message to Hanna from her own phone; Emily's home, she's pretty drunk and a little upset. I don't know what happened tonight but she's safe. See you soon. –Mom xox.
Emily slowly lifted her head, her voice quivering "I'm sorry Mrs Marin, I shouldn't have said those things." Ashley just pulled the broken girl a little closer into a warm motherly hug.
"I… I screwed up… I screwed up so fucking bad…I'm so so so sorry." Silent tears lined her cheeks, the black streams of mascara contrasting almost beautifully against the blood red lipstick marks colouring her cheeks and jawbone left there from her passionate encounter just moments ago.
"Let's get you cleaned up, okay?" Ashley spoke softly as she made her way into the bathroom to find some make-up remover and wipes, Emily remained still, tiny water droplets slipping off her chin and jaw now and then as she could no longer fight back the reality of what she had said to Paige.
"Paige will you just talk to me?" Alex spoke slightly frustrated, Paige hadn't offered up an explanation since grabbing her girlfriend's hand, dragging her out of the bar into the first waiting taxi.
"Paige you're clearly upset, what did she say?" Alex tried again, placing her hand under her girlfriends chin trying to get her to look her in the eye, immediately noticing how hard Paige was trying to keep the tears there, from falling.
"Nothing! Okay… she said nothing, Alex! Can you just please drop it… you got your wish, we left didn't we?!" Paige returned her voice laced with anger. She was annoyed at Alex's attitude throughout the night, Emily was right when she said she wasn't at all interested in meeting any of the people Paige knew here, but the majority of her anger was stemming from Emily's spiteful words. "Best fucking decision of my life". Paige was pretty sure she felt old wounds start to bleed again as the familiar feeling of heartbreak lingered uneasily in the pit of her stomach. Alex and Paige sat in silence for the remainder of the drive home.
Once the two got inside Paige's apartment, Paige quickly loosened her tie unbuttoning the top button of her shirt as she needed to breath and the shirt and tie were a little too restrictive. Alex remained quiet sitting down on the couch to take off her heels and looking through her bag for her phone.
"You could have acted at least a little bit interested in the people you meet tonight Lex, you know I do kinda care about them, they're my friends and work colleagues… and you just stood there with a bored and unimpressed look plastered on your face… of and don't get me started on that pathetic fake smile you offer people, I mean are that isn't you!" Paige huffed, rubbing at her fore-head as she paced uncomfortable around her apartment.
"So this is all about me. This is all my fault is it?" Alex hissed back pointing back at Paige.
"I didn't say that Alex… don't put words in my mouth"
"Then what are you fucking saying Paige? You know this whole move to America isn't the easiest thing I've ever had to do, you know. You moved back and settled back in, no problem, you found your old friends again, and now what do I have, Paige?"
"Me… you have me, Alex! You know that?" Paige shouted in return.
"Do I Paige, really? Because it seems like you were pretty fine over here for the past month without me. You were with Hanna, Spencer and Caleb again. Emily fuckin' Fields the girl who ripped your heart out and danced on it, was suddenly back in your life and it was all rainbows and fucking unicorns again."
"Don't bring any of my friends into this, Alex. I have known them all since I was sixteen years old, we've been through so much, I had to give them up after Emily and I broke-up. They were my family and for whatever reason, somehow we were reunited and I would appreciate it if the most important person in my life would just give them a chance. Don't act like you haven't changed at all since you fuckin' got here, Alex… where is the loving, caring and incredibly goofy girlfriend I left in London?" Paige replied, desperation on her voice as the two remained stood facing one and other in the small living area.
"Fuck Paige! Can you not see… I was the one who put you back together after having you heart shattered into a million pieces, it may have took close to a year but I persisted. I was the one who held you on our cold tiled kitchen floor when you collapsed to the floor sobbing after getting the phone call from your mother informing you of her breast cancer. I was the one who mended your heart, I put that earth shattering smile back on your face… not Hanna, not Spencer, not Caleb…. And most definitely not that bitch, Fields."
"I'm sorry, okay… Fuck! I know this can't be easy for you Lex... This is even about you. I'm sorry okay…" Paige replied, anger still lingering on her voice but it had softened significantly.
"Paige, a month away from you was hard… it just hurt me and it felt like you were moving past me when you got you old life back. It was hard… and I'm sorry. If it has nothing to do with me, why the hell were you so upset and angry when we left? What did she say to you?"
"It doesn't matter, okay! Can you just give me this one thing and drop it!" Paige returned her anger flaring up once more as the words Emily had spoken to her swirled around in her mind once again.
"Paige you're supposed to be fucking open with me. Did something happen between you and that bitch?"
"No!"
"Then what?! Did she fucking proclaim her love for you or something and you actually thinking of taking her up on her pathetic offer… and that why you won't tell me?" Alex persisted, her voice a little hoarser now from all the shouting.
"No… Fuckin' drop it! I'm going for a walk… I need some air."
"Paige no… don't walk away from this argument" Alex shot her girlfriend a death glare, but Paige held her gaze, grabbed her jacket, phone and keys before walking out the apartment door.
"Fucking typical move, Paige… you always run and hide away from your problems" Alex shouted at the door just as it slammed shut.
Paige walked silently towards the nearest park, occasionally wiping at the single tear drops that rolled off her cheek. She didn't mean to come home and fight with Alex, but she knew if she had to say the words Emily spat out at her she'd fall to the ground in a crumbling mess, bringing feelings of her life five years ago crawling back to the surface, eating her up from the inside out. She loved Alex, she still loves Alex… but there was nothing Paige McCullers could do to stop Emily Fields from holding a piece of her heart and her brain.
Paige came to stand by the small pond, she had only been here about three times since she moved into her apartment. It was only a small public park but she loved it here none the less. Paige still found comfort around the sight of still water… even though she had given up swimming after the accident. It held too many painful memories. She sat down on a lonely bench facing the water, it probably wasn't the safest to be out this late by herself but she needed this breather before the real world caught up with her again.
She sat there in silence for a good twenty minutes, the sounds of busy New York streets, and the gently hustle of the autumn leaves the only noise surrounding her. Paige's only movements being those of her hands as they reached up to wipe away the tears which were rebelling against her will to stop them for falling. She had promised herself she would never again cry over Emily Fields. Unfortunately that promise was now broken.
A beep startled her, alerting her to one new text message. She presumed it was Alex texting her to make sure she was okay. It wasn't.
She was sure her heart stopped beating as her eyes scanned and re-scanned the glowing word on the screen, burning into her tear soaked eyes.
Sorry.
Feelings; rage, anger, disappointment, sadness, fear, disgust, love, hate.
"Fuck!" Paige stood up in an instant, her figure rigid in an upright position like an iron filing found in a magnetic field, her knuckles whitened almost painfully as they wrapped suffocating the phone in front of her. In an instant it was gone. No sounds registered in her ears, the sounds of the city had been muted, the only sound being that of her phone breaking the silk like sheen of the still pond.
Emily Fields would always be Paige McCuller's downfall.
Paige entered her apartment, immediately enraptured by the darkness that sat uneasily in every corner. She could just about make out her surroundings thanks to the sickly orange street lights that poured in through her windows. The ache in her heart softened just a little as she was met by the light coming from her bedside lamp, her eyes wandering to her girlfriend's peaceful sleeping form. Paige's eyes took in the way her girlfriends lip remained open slightly ajar as soft snores emanated from her girlfriend, in the form of a rhythm, dancing with the gently lulling rise of her girlfriend's chest. Her gaze trailed along an out stretched arm that lay on her side of the bed, desperately seeking it's companion.
Paige got undressed for bed. Grabbing an oversized t-shirt from one of her drawers as well as a pair of shorts. Taking a deep breath she climbed into the bed, sliding over slightly to meet the warmth of her love's body heat. Leaning forward she placed a gently kissed on her girlfriend's forehead "I'm sorry, Alex. I Love you".
Paige got no verbal response, but feeling her girlfriend turn into her hold and nuzzle her face sleepily into her neck told her everything she needed to hear and feel. Breathing in the familiar scent of lilac and amber, Paige would swear she felt the wounds healing once again. Paige eyes focusing on a pile of boxes still unpacked in the corner, her brown orbs particularly interested in a battered shoe box which in the middle of the pile. It wasn't so much the shoe box she was interested in, it was the small, intricate black box that she knew was inside that stirred up her insides, awakening the butterflies. She finally felt like now was the time. Emily's words… now only a reassurance and encouragement of what she had wanted to do since September.
After Ashley had helped Emily clean off her make-up, she sat down beside the girl pulling a cushion down on her lap before signalling for Emily to lay her head there, this was something Hanna had always loved so she hoped the other girl would also find some kind of comfort in it. Emily gave the woman a watery smile, silently grateful for the woman's comfort. Ashley brushed her fingers through Emily's raven hair still reassuring her daughter's best friend who she considered to be like a daughter as well.
"If you want me to stop, just ask" Ashley spoke softly.
"No… no it's nice. It's making me miss my parents… a little though" Emily voice was hoarse, and drowsy mostly from the effect of alcohol biding it's time in her bloodstream, her voice remained saddened as streams of tears still flowed silently from her now sore eyes. "Why are you being so nice, Ashley?" Emily whimpered softly.
"Because I know what it feels like to be in a situation just like yours, if it wasn't for Hanna I would have never survived watching Tom move on with his life… it neared killed me. Plus you've been there numerous times for my Hanna. I still remember the day she came home to Rosewood sobbing, angry and terrified after finding out she was pregnant with Jacob. You were still living in Rosewood at the time, you knew there was something instantly wrong when Hanna had shown up in Rosewood unexpectedly, so you came over to the house equipped with ice cream, Disney classics on DVD, cupcakes and pizza." Emily let out a broken laugh, her voice still slurring slightly and was now even more tiresome as she fought with the sleepiness that was slowly washing over her "I… I thought… Caleb and Hanna s'may have broken up… which they kinda did."
"Yeah you're right! Han was so frustrated and scared once she found out she was pregnant, she completely lost it at Caleb… she thought her life was over, and she blamed him." Ashley added, Emily sniffled quietly as a result of what Ashley said, as the feelings resonated with her on how things ended between her and Paige.
"Do you remember what you said to her, Emily?" Ashley questioned this time.
"You… you heard us talking?"
"Yeah, I remember I had left for a few moments to take a phone call, and when I came back to see how you both were doing, Hanna was lying with her head on your lap much like you're doing now and the two of you were chatting quietly, I didn't really want to disturb you so I sat down on the floor and listened for a little bit… I hope that's wasn't too intrusive?"
"No no no, it s'okay… Han really does like lying like this, doesn't she? I now understand why it's … it's very comforting, I notice Jake does it too. It makes me miss my parents though…" Emily's reply making the older woman laugh a little, "I know you already mentioned the bit about your parents"
"I did?" Emily's brow furrowed in confusion.
"Yeah about 2 minutes ago… I think whatever you had to drink tonight is to blame though."
"I… I really just... I really hate alcohol…" Emily sighed.
"Don't we all? Anyway do you remember what you told Han that night about Caleb?"
"I…. I do… well I think so, we talked for a little while about how great and awesome of a mother she was going to be… and then we talked about how we'd just run off together to California, and raise the baby ourselves and we would basically live happily ever after"
"But that was only a joke suggestion wasn't it?"
"Yeah…"
"And why was that?" Ashley pushed, noticing how Emily's body tightened up a little bit as she became a little more uncomfortable.
"Because I told her to go back to Caleb, I mean we all knew Caleb would be a great dad, especially given the way he grew up in and out of foster care, not given Caleb the chance to be a dad would be like a smack to the face after everything he had been through. It would have broken Caleb to betray him on this one thing… not that Hanna was actually going to, she just didn't want to accept it straight away." Emily voiced, her eyes now closed as she continued chatting with Ashley, it was nice and along with the alcohol it kept the full reality of her current situation from hitting her.
"So how did you convince her?"
"I… umm… uhh…" Emily a little more unnerved once again with the question, tears seeping from her watery brown orbs, her nose sniffled as she tried to hold back her emotions.
"Emily, I'm sorry…I" Ashley apologised for pushing a little too far.
"No… no it's… s'okay… I told her if she pushed Caleb away, if she pushed him so far he wouldn't come back. She would regret doing it. She would regret it, so much so she would hate herself for ever doing it… for destroying one of the best things that ever happened to her. It would make her life hell. It would kill her, she wouldn't really notice it at first because of the anger but once that fades, and realisation begins to set in, it's constant mind shattering and heart destroying torture. It never ends. The pain of regret never goes away… " Emily's body shook gently as broken sobs crept along her pained words. The two woman remained in silence.
The silence was interrupted by the sound of the door latch opening after about ten minutes, and whispered murmurs coming from the other side before Hanna and Caleb walked into their home. Hanna's eyes immediately falling upon her best friend who looked completely heartbroken, quickly she walked over using the pads of her thumbs to ease the water stains on her friend's cheeks.
"Oh Emily… it's okay. Everything's going to be okay, come on you can sleep in guest room" Hanna suggested, her words gaining a reaction from Emily immediately as she sat up straight on the couch.
"No, no, no… no I can't… I… I sleep here please…"
"Woah Em! Calm down Em… it's okay! I just want you to get a good night's sleep is all, you won't get that lying on the couch" Hanna added her voice low trying to calm the distraught girl.
"No… no… no I can't. The room, it smells just like her… she slept there, I can't Han… I just can't" Emily pleaded with her blonde friend, no one was forcing her to sleep in the guest room, her pleas were merely a cry for help, the reality of the situation she had forced on herself slowly sinking in.
"Okay how about Ashley takes the guest room, I'll bring you bags down from Jacobs room, Ashley… and Emily can stay in our bed Han, with you, and I'll sleep in the spare single bed in Jake's room" Caleb interrupted not really knowing how to help the situation but trying his best.
"Good idea, Caleb… does that work for you, Emily?" Ashley question, the raven-haired beauty gave an exhausted head-nod of approval, the emotional trauma of the night and the alcohol she had consumed had an ever growing effect on her ability to stay awake.
"Okay babe, will you help me guide Em up stairs" Hanna asked as she helped her friend to her feet, Caleb quickly wrapping his hand around Emily's waist, her balance remained unsteady as she leaned further in his hold, her other hand holding tightly to Hanna's. The three eventually made it upstairs Emily flopping onto the bed mumbling non-sensical things to herself and her two friends, the two just about making out the words 'sorry' and 'thank you'.
"Goodnight Emily, goodnight Princess" Caleb spoke softly as he gave his wife a goodnight kiss.
"Oh Caleb… Caleb… can, s'you do me a favour please…" Emily voiced just as Caleb was leaving the room.
"Sure, what do you need?"
Emily hesitated for a moment, her brows creasing as a flash of hurt registered on her face for what must have been the hundredth time that night, "Can you… umm… well I don't suspect Pai… P… She will want to see or hear from me anytime soon… can you just make sure she's okay… and she stays happy please", Emily requested, her voice quivering once again and her body close to irritation at itself for crying once again. Saying her name was too hard.
Caleb offered a warm smiled in return "of course", before turning and exiting the bedroom.
Hanna helped Emily get changed the two remained in silence, the only sound being the broken sob Emily couldn't hold back, or groan she let out when her body refused to moved so she could put on the t-shirt Hanna had offered as night wear.
Hanna quickly got changed, cleaned off her make-up and brushed her teeth before climbing into the bed beside Emily, who immediately curled up beside her.
"I've messed up Han… I've messed this whole fucking thing up" Emily whimpered brokenly.
"Shhh it's okay, Em… it's going to be okay" Hanna tried to soothe her friend.
"I… I don't think it will… I told her breaking up with her was the best decision of my life. I could see how much my words hurts her, I could see the darkness swell behind her eyes… I could hear her heart shatter…"
"Ohh Em… you were drunk, you're still drunk. We can sort this in the morning"
"I needed to hurt her… she was being too caring, she shouldn't care about me… and she looked so beautiful tonight, did you see? The suit and tie, as soon as I saw her, my brain stopped functioning, she just looked so beautiful…and happy … I could've so easily kissed her tonight, tell her I was still in love with her and how much it was slowly killing me from the inside out. Slow and painful just like a poison… but I didn't. Why? Because then it would fall on her, she'd never cheat on Alex and she'd never forgiver herself if she did, she'd feel guilt and fall into a pit of desperation and turmoil… I didn't want her to carry my burden… so instead I hurt her, I ripped off the Band-Aid, it hurts like hell now but it will only be brief… unlike if we kept going the way we were… the slow never-ending burn, that gets tiring and you begin to lose sight of why you're actually enduring the pain. You give up… I don't want to see her give up, when she's this happy…" Emily mumbled, her eyes painfully red and stinging from the unending stream of tears they were producing.
"I'm sorry, Em…" Hanna looked on helplessly, not knowing how to ease her friend's pain before adding "You know I think you need a break, you should go visit your parents in Texas".
"I think soooo too… Han. I do miss them… a lot, a lot a lot! They bought me a plane… no not like a real life plane… but umm… uhh a plane flight voucher thing a while back… and I could use that" Emily's words trailed on slurring slightly, causing Hanna to laugh a little, Emily's drunkenness only really apparent when she wasn't 100% focused or fired up on what she was saying.
"Yeah I think that's a good idea, Em" Hanna brushed the messy hair from around her friend's face.
"… and you know she can do so much better than Alex though… hell I'm not even sure if there is a person worthy of her love. But fuck Alex, she doesn't deserve that girl. I just kinda can't believe how you and Spencer actually like 'er" Emily spoke somewhat spiteful, her train of thought more determined once again, the spontaneity of the topic taken Hanna aback a little.
"Emily! Paige loves her, she makes her happy… that's all that matters, you know that!"
"I know… I know Han…"Emily murmured dismayed.
"Plus speaking of Spence, you know she was pretty annoyed tonight. She was worried when you disappeared… so your hungover self better be prepared to endure the wrath of a pissed Spencer Hastings.
"I'm sorry… I'm so so sorry… I… I really did mess up tonight… fuck!" Emily voice was low, defeat seeping in on her words once again.
"Shhh, Em just try to sleep for now k?" Hanna hushed, trying to ease the body shaken silent sobs that roared epically through her best friend, watching over her as her heartbroken cries continued as Emily fell into the tightened grip of an inexorable sleep.
Paige McCullers would always be Emily Fields' downfall.
A/N: Please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter? What do you think of Emily's current state of mind? Anymore thoughts on Alex and Paige? Thanks again for reading, until next time... -KTF