[A/N] Once again I must apologise for being MIA for a little while, I hope the fact that this is my longest chapter yet, makes up for it. Real life got in the way of writing unfortunately. Secondly, I am incredibly and forever grateful to everyone who reads, reviews, follows and favourites this story, it really makes me happy. Finally, happy PLL day and I hope you all enjoy this next chapter.
[Trigger Warning] Mentions of self-harm.
Emily had made it through security quiet easily, thankful that for whatever reason JFK seemed a little quieter than usual, and the line through TSA moved very swiftly. She now had just under three hours to kill before her flight out at 11pm. It was an awkward flight time but she had no other choice giving her work day, and not finishing up at the hospital until six in the evening. It was a pretty inconvenient time for her parents, giving her expected arrival into Dallas would be around 3 in the morning and it was about a forty minute drive from Fort Worth. Her dad had kindly offered to drive out to collect his daughter, itching to see her again, but instead she decided it was best to book into a hotel in Dallas and just spend the night there, that way she'd also get a chance at a pretty decent night's sleep after her four hour long flight. She decided on doing some shopping picking up bits and pieces to entertain herself through-out the flight before finding a spot to have some dinner.
As she was walking from shop to shop, she had to side step to avoid some rushing passengers unfortunately she bumped into another woman as a result.
"I'm so sorry..." Emily began until she recognised the petite woman, her blood immediately started to boil, as she let out an irritated sigh.
"Ha! Coincidence running into you here, Fields" Alex hissed as she recognised the woman that ran into her, Emily eyes watered and she took a step back in recoil as she was hit by a wave of strong liquor, laden on the girl's breath.
"Yeah, listen Alex I'm not really in the mood for a chat. I'm sorry for bumping into you. I should probably get going though." Emily replied hastily, not wanting to cause anymore hassle for herself, the woman stood swaying in front of her or Paige.
"You trying to get as far away from Paige as possible? I thought you two would be fucking each other senseless at this stage... unless you already have?" Alex spat out viciously, a wicked smirk tore across her face.
"Alex, I think you should leave!" Emily replied sternly, asserting herself once again.
"You know we share a lot more in common now, we both broke Paige's heart and left her to deal with fallout all by herself. That's really why you're leaving right, couldn't deal with how pathetic she can be sometimes?" Alex hissed, her words hurting Emily but she remained resilient.
"You won't get rise out of me, Alex."
"You two fucking deserve one and other. Both of you with your high and mighty attitude. Fucking sickens me"
"That's where you wrong, Alexandria... Paige deserves far better than me. Yes, I realise I was stupid enough to let her go. But thank goodness she saw you for the piece of scum you really are. You know you had one of best things in the whole world, and you threw it all away... and for what? Good luck in the future, Alex. Don't you dare think about getting in contact with Paige ever again, or you'll be dealing with a lot worse that this 'high and mighty attitude'." Emily hissed in return her stance never once faltering.
Almost instantly Emily felt a stinging sensation grow across her face, Alex had slapped her hard. But before she could process what had just happened the two girls were tackled by a handful of security guards. Emily remained still and complied, Alex was a little more resilient as she put up a fearsome fight.
"Ma'am can you please come with us?" The security guard asked. Emily nodded in response, licking her lip in the meantime she noticed the faintest taste of iron, letting her know her lip was cut open and slightly bleeding. The swelling already setting in.
Emily was brought into a small back room, the awful over powering lighting and whitewashed walls giving her the start of a migraine, thankfully it seemed she was in the clear and security continued being incredible nice, offering her things to drink and some ice for her lip. They also allowed her to keep her suitcase and handbag, meaning she could use her phone. She immediately send a text off to Spencer, just in case she would need any legal representation.
So guess where I am...
Well hopefully on an airplane but I'm guessing not, since you're texting me. -S
Nope, my flight's not for another hour and half. I got taken into security. One word: Alex.
What?! What happened? –S
We basically ran into each other, she was drunk, we exchanged some 'friendly' conversation. I ended up with a bloody lip. All in a day's work, I guess... :/
Em, that's insane! Did you hit her back? If you need me to get I contact with the airport and lawyer their ass or her ass for that matter, just give me a call. –S
No, I didn't hit her back, even if I wanted to the security had us in their hold so fast it would've been impossible. Nope don't think I need any defending, I think I'm just in for precautionary reasons, they're reviewing the CCTV tapes and then I should be let go.
Okay well seems like you can handle it. Han's here, she wants a photo of your 'badass' bloody lip. - S
LOL, typical Han. Sure I'll send one on. Thanks Spence, talk to you soon. Love you (you too Han) xx [One Attachment: Photo]
Just as Emily had put her phone back in her bag, the security guard returned informing her she was free to go and that the airport having talked with her airline company would like to offer her an upgrade to business class, for the inconvenience. Emily happily took it, at least she wouldn't have to suffer coach with a building migraine.
Emily had made it into Dallas on time, her flight was okay she didn't get much sleep but that was mainly because she often struggled to sleep on planes. She was incredibly happy to have finally reached a bed though, passing out with exhaustion as soon as she hit the mattress in her hotel room.
She jumped up, quickly awoken from her slumber on hearing some loud, insistent knocking on her hotel room door. She groaned on looking at her phone reading 9:30am. She had only got a few hours of sleep and had hoped to get a few more before her parents came for her around midday. The knocking continued and showed no sign of stopping, with an irritated groan she forced herself to get up and answer the door. On doing so she immediately recognised the two faces peering excitedly back at her.
"Mom? Dad? What are you doing here?" Emily spoke out, her brow furrowed with confusion, had she somehow misread her clock?
"Surprise!" Pam called out as she pulled her daughter in a bone-crushingly tight hug, for such a petite woman, Pam Fields was deceivingly strong.
"Your Maw wanted to surprise you. But maybe we should have left you to sleep. You look tired Emmy" Wayne added as he pulled his daughter into a tight embrace. Emily although tired was incredibly grateful to be with her parents once again. She had missed the smell of her Dad's cologne as she tucked her face further into his chest.
Emily finally detached herself from father's hold and re-entered the room, her parents following behind her.
"Oh Emily... what happened to your lip? And what's that on your neck? "Pam quickly remarked as soon as Emily sat down on the end of the bed and faced her parents.
Emily rolled her eyes at her mother's remark, she had planned on using make-up to cover up the cut on her lip and to hide the fainted remnants of a hickey on her neck. "Nothing... it doesn't matter, Mom!"
"Yes it does! Emily Fields, are you seeing someone?!" Pam inquired, a knowing look on her face. Wayne took a seat at the small table situated in the corner of the room knowing his wife wasn't going to give up that easily, he had noticed the marks too but decided to ask his daughter about it later.
"No, I'm not seeing anyone... it's not important can we just drop it!" Emily replied growing more and more frustrated.
"Emily Catherine Fields, you have a spit and swollen lip, as well as a huge love bite on your neck... you may be 25 years old now, but that does not stop me worrying!" Pam insisted.
"Fine, you want to know? The cut on my lip is the result of a heated argument at the airport. The mark on my neck or love bite as you referred to it, was caused because of a stupid drunken hook-up... and before you look at me with that horrified expression, we didn't end up sleeping together, Ashley Marin stopped it from happening. How did you even notice the mark on my neck anyway, it's as good as gone?!" Emily replied hastily, quickly annoyed with her mother's interrogation.
"What? What is going on with you Emily? I'll have to have a word with Ashley..."
"No you won't, Mom!You said yourself, I'm 25 years old I'm not you're little girl anymore. I know how to be responsible and maybe on that one night I was little irresponsible, Ashley was there for me as were Hanna and Spencer. As for the fight I really don't want to get into that! Dad can we please head back to the base, I'm really tired and could use the comfort of a familiar bed." Emily replied sternly hoping her mother got the message, Wayne just nodded in response to his to daughter's request.
Emily picked up her clothes for the day before quickly heading into the bathroom to change out of her bed clothes in privacy, leaving Wayne to deal with his fuming wife.
"Wayne, are you going to take that attitude from our daughter... What has gotten into her?" Pam spoke her tone irritated and upset.
"She's tired, you know what Emmy's like when she's tired, Dear... she could fight and argue with you over how you eat your breakfast if it rubbed her up the wrong way in the morning. It's Emily, something is obviously bothering her... but she'll come to us, just like she always does. I guarantee by this evening you'll know what's really bothering her. We'll go home have some of your beautiful pancakes for breakfast, let Emmy catch up on her sleep and see if she wants to talk about it later. For now we should just drop it. She's okay, sweetheart." Wayne comforted his wife pulling her into in a warm hug, before placing a gentle kiss to his wife's cheek.
Emily spent the rest of her evening in her bedroom at her parent's house in Texas, it didn't really feel like her bedroom per say, especially compared to her room in Rosewood, but she grew accustomed to it over the many years her dad had been based in Texas and the numerous times she had visited. Her mother was living in Texas now almost full time, only ever returning to Rosewood for the winter months as she always loved spending the holidays in Pennsylvania.
She was reading a book when both her parents entered the room tentatively, with some hindsight she figured she owed her parents the truth about her recent behaviour and how she got into a fight at the airport. For the first few moments no words were uttered between the three, both her parents took a seat at the end of her bed, both pair of eyes shone with comfort, love and compassion, hoping they could only ease their daughter's worries, giving her the courage to open up.
"Paige is back..." Emily finally broke the silence, her voice cracking as she spoke but she remained collected, both of her parents reacting immediately as they looked at their daughter quickly, trying to understand her true emotions that little but more.
"Paige as in your Paige? Our Paige? I mean... Paige McCullers?" Pam quickly reacted, all three cringing slightly at her mention of the words your and our.
"Yep" Emily simply replied, not able to meet her parent's inquisitive gaze just yet.
"Oh honey... When did she get back? Is she in Rosewood?" Pam started her usual interrogation, unable to hold back with the questions. The woman simply itching for more information.
"Okay just give me a moment to explain because the mark on my neck and the cut on my lip are kind of a result or at least indirect result of Paige..." Emily started as she sat up in the bed, supporting her back against the headboard.
"Are you and Paige hooking up? Did she hurt you, Emily? Paige is a very sweet girl but if she lay a finger..." Pam interrupted jumping to conclusions.
"No Mom! Just listen and let me explain for a second okay!" Emily returned quickly interrupting her mother's train of thought, she couldn't help but smile when she saw her dad roll his eyes behind her mother at her sudden overreaction.
"Paige is back over a month now, she somehow ran into Hanna on her first day back in New York ,when the two of them were out in Central Park. To put a stop to the mad ideas rolling around in your head, Paige and I are not together or hooking up, she has a girlfriend... well she had a girlfriend. The night I hooked up with someone, Paige and I got into an awful fight, we both said some pretty hurtful stuff, especially me... so basically making out with that girl was my way of blowing off some steam..."
"Emily Fields, you know there are better ways than se... than that to blow off some steam, go exercise or dance or something other than 'you know'" Pam intervened once again, Emily blushing at her mother's inability to say the word 'sex' in front of her.
"Pam, just let Emily explain." Wayne spoke this time, rubbing his wife's back trying to ease her worries a little.
"But something happened... Paige's girlfriend Alex is from the UK, she was going to move to New York with Paige but had to stay back a few weeks to finish up at work, before she could transfer here. So when she was over visiting and having meetings in New York this past week, Paige found out that Alex had been cheating on her. I don't know all the details, mother... so please don't interrogate me any further on it. Paige was heartbroken... she still is heartbroken. She's currently staying with Hanna and Caleb at the moment, and they're looking after her. I spent all day yesterday pondering whether it was right for me to just leave her in such a state... but I also think it would be unfair of me to stick around, I can't be the one to make things better. I mean, I screwed things up for Paige so many times, she deserves better than that and I think she has that in Hanna and Caleb, Spencer and Toby... even Aria and Ezra serve a better role than me and they're currently exploring Vietnam." Emily explained, her eyes watering over, but she wouldn't let herself cry.
"Oh Emily..."Pam spoke again as she rubbed her daughter's leg to try and comfort her.
"No mom! It's okay... seriously! And Dad stop looking at me like that." Emily quickly called her parents out on their pitying expressions, before continuing her explanation. "Anyway about my split lip, when I was in the airport last night I ran into Alex, she had been drinking and we were both obviously angry. She couldn't hold it back as much as me, but whatever. I was mainly angry because of how she hurt Paige... and for some reason I think she got into her head that there was something going on between Paige and I, since Paige got back which only seemed to fuel her on. She slapped me hard and caught my lip, I probably would have hit her back given the chance, but we were both tackled by security and taken to separate rooms for the CCTV footage to be re-evaluated. So I hope that at least explains some things. Mom I'm sorry about earlier I was just really tired..." Emily finished her explanation.
"Emily, sweetheart it's okay, I'm sorry for being one of those parents. I know having Paige back can't be easy... and I'm sorry for all the crappy stuff she has to deal with. But I do think it was a good thing you came to Texas, it seems like you needed a little break. How about I go make your favourite for dinner and we can have a nice relaxed evening in front of the TV?" Pam suggested, as much as she could be a slightly overbearing and overprotective mother, she was always incredibly sympathetic, kind and caring.
Emily sat up in the bed and pulled her mother into a hug, whispering a thank you before her mother trotted off down the hallway to the kitchen.
Wayne remained quiet as he moved from the end of the bed to sit beside his daughter at the top, instantly wrapping his strong arm around her as she tucked herself into his welcomed embrace.
"You know when you said someone had cheated on Paige, and then continued to say you had a run-in with her at the airport... I really wish you got that hit in..." Wayne spoke a soft chuckle registering on his voice.
"Me too, Dad" Emily replied honestly, using her hand to ghost over the cut on her own lip, grimacing slightly as it stung to the touch.
"But you are doing okay, Kiddo?" Wayne questioned, still genuinely concerned for his daughter's well-being.
"I'm doing okay."
"And Paige?" Wayne asked concerned just as much for Paige as he was his own daughter, the girl had become like a second daughter to him in the many years she put a mesmerising smile on his daughter's face. He and Pam were heartbroken when they found out Emily decided to break it off and Paige promptly moved to Scotland.
"I don't know Dad... it worries me..." Emily replied pulling herself further into her father's hold, she adored and loved her mother to the end of the earth but she would always be her daddy's little girl, she guessed it was mainly because he was away so often and lead a career that put his life at risk, so she cherished every moment she got with the man.
"You still care about her a lot..." Wayne simply stated, his voice a little softer and hesitant this time.
"That worries me too..." Emily whispered in return.
Paige walked sluggishly into the adjoining bathroom, her world had literally collapsed around her over ten days ago. Climbing out of bed seemed to ache her whole being, the pain she felt on the outside was really only a fraction of the pain and sorrow she felt burning within her. Ten days had passed since she found out about Alex. Ten days in theory and put into perspective really wasn't a very long time, but to Paige it had seemed like years, each day a blur of thoughts of what she could've done differently, her heart growing ever weaker encouraged by the numerous hours she cried out for sleep that were always nowhere to be found. She hadn't slept in so long that she forgot the sensation, hell she forgot the sensation of everything outside of heartbreak. Alcohol was her only way of feeling something or nothing at all, a win-win situation in the girl's eyes, but now that her friends had brought her back to stay with Hanna and Caleb, alcohol was off limits, she understood why given Jake was in the house.
She clung tightly to the bathroom sink, staring into the mirror before her, a unknown face staring right back her. The figure thin, darkened sullen eyes, skin that looked worse for wear was blotchy and dry most likely as a result of her recent bout of heavy drinking. Paige felt hopeless. Her friends had tried their best to get her motivated, trying to get her to go on walks, join them in the living area to watch some TV or chat. Hanna had even tried to get Paige to talk to her alone, instead she remained wrapped up in the confines of the guest bed, wishing for it all to end.
Paige tentatively opened the cabinet beside the mirror, the action causing her muscles to strain given the lack of exertion over the past few days. Memories of her highschool days ringing in her ears, the thoughts that haunted her since the moment her world crashed in around her became too much, and she was beginning to give into them. Her mouth was dry and throat constricted as she caught sight of the blindingly cool piece of metal. She didn't want to do it, but she was so sick and tired of not feeling anything. She needed it, like a drug addict needs their next dose of heroin. Her fingers shook, and stomach twisted in knots as she allowed her hand to reach for the blade. How did things get so messed up that the idea of running the cool metal along her skin was simply exhilarating? How did she let things get this bad?
Paige walked with a stumble towards the bathtub in the bathroom, before collapsing down beside it, leaning her back against the bath's oak surrounding, stretching her long pale legs out in front of her. Her eyes focusing in on the old scars that were found there, the acid in her stomach churned violently as memories of the promise she made to Emily tossed in her mind. Paige McCullers had never once broken a promise in her whole entire life. But promises seemed pointless right now, they always found a way to let you down, screw you over. What was the point?
She picked up the shining blade, the sheen blurring somewhat as she peered at it through tear-stained eyes. She hadn't noticed she was crying. Taking a deep breath, she ran her index finger along the shape edge, as if she was challenging the sharpness of the blade edge... making sure it was good enough for the task in hand.
As slight sting ran the length of her finger, turning to see what kind of damage was done. For a moment it looked normal, before the line of defeat appeared, forming a bead of crimson before it rolled down the length of her finger pooling in her palm.
The blood on her finger tips and hand, immediately triggering a memory. The crash. The memory causing Paige to curl up into a ball before freezing still, the memories racing around behind her eyelids. Her breath trapped and burning up inside her lungs as she struggled to catch her breath. She wasn't even sure if her heartbeat was even still going.
"Ma'am we need to bring you over to the ambulance and check you over, you have a wound to the head, a deep cut on you left thigh a suspected broken collar bone and possibly other injuries that could be life threatening" The man voice spoke, Paige able to hear all of his words but they meant nothing. She was lucky enough to be able to walk away from the wreckage once the firemen cut open the twisted metal, the same couldn't be said for Emily.
Paige's eyes flickered from Emily's still and broken body on the spinal board as three paramedics, and two nurses who pulled over when they saw the accident attended her injuries, to her hand that was stained with blood after she was forced to let go of Emily's hand. She wasn't sure if it was her own of if it was Emily's. Her whole body was covered in blood, but there was something so mesmerising about the blood that decorated her hand, the blood had dried somewhat leaving the markings of the lines on Emily's palm mixed in with her own. It's shocking beauty almost looked like a piece of abstract artwork.
Before she knew it, she found herself sat inside the back of the ambulance, it was a little harder for her to see Emily now but at least she could see her girl was still alive.
"Ma'am, I have a few questions. If you could just look at me for a moment. We need to examine you to check for internal injuries and get you in stable enough condition before bringing you to the hospital. Can you tell me where you feel pain..." Again the man spoke, and Paige could hear him clearly but she couldn't understand or respond in anyway, her whole being 100% focused in on Emily.
"SHE'S CRASHING!"
"NO NO NO NO...NO! Emily!" Paige called out on hearing those two words.
"Ma'am please, they're doing all they can for your friend" The two paramedics that were treating Paige held her back, as the auburn haired girl fought with them to reach her girlfriend.
"CLEAR!" The image of Emily's body jolting after being shocked in search of a heartbeat, burned her vision.
"EMILY...NO...NO, NOT LIKE THIS... EMILY YOU CAN'T. DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE" Paige screamed at the top of lungs, ignoring any sensation in her body as she continues trying to push passed the paramedic.
"OK we're going to have to administer a sedative, she's going to hurt herself if we don't do anything... Okay in one, two, three." The second paramedic quickly injected the clear liquid into Paige's system, as the two men continued holding her down waiting for the medication to do it's job.
"EMILY... PLEASE NO. EM... EMILY. Please don't leave me..." Paige pleaded, unable to fight the sedative effects of the medication the paramedic just administered into her system.
Hanna heard a loud screeching cry come from inside Paige's room, quickly running to see if her friend was okay. She panicked for a moment when she noticed the bedroom was empty, she heard straggled cries coming from the bathroom. Immediately running to help Paige who was in the midst of a severe panic attack, her whole body shaking as she cried out. Hanna had seen Paige have panic attacks before, she was pretty sure Paige had one every single day since the accident when Em was still in the hospital. Spencer along with the McCullers' had finally convinced Paige to see someone about it, which helped the girl immensely.
Hanna sat down beside Paige slowly rubbing her back, and whispering to her it was okay. Usually Paige came out of the attack after a few minutes but this one seemed more intense than usual.
Hanna jumped, as soon as Paige began shouting out, punching the floor below and elbowing the wooden seal around the bathtub.
"NO NO NO NO...NO! Emily!"
"EMILY...NO...NO, NOT LIKE THIS... EMILY YOU CAN'T. DON'T DIE! PLEASE DON'T DIE"
"EMILY... PLEASE NO. EM... EMILY. Please don't leave me..."
Hanna stood up again quickly, afraid of being hit by Paige's outburst. She tried grabbing Paige hands and tried talking to her, hoping her words would be heard over the PTSD flashes and memories that were currently occupying the world around her.
Hanna looked up on hearing someone else entering the room, Caleb and Jacob were in Allentown visiting Caleb's father so she immediately suspected it being Spencer.
"Emily?" Hanna asked confused on seeing the raven haired girl stood frozen, a worried expression on her face on seeing Paige shake violent on the bathroom floor, crying and gasping out for air.
"Nevermind, why you're here... you can help. Grab Paige's fingers and place them on your pulse point. Your neck is probably best, the beat is stronger there, now talk to her tell her you're here... you're alive and safe, that's it going to be okay" Hanna shouted out orders, the stern tone to her voice enough to break Emily's stupor as she followed the blonde's instructions. While Emily grabbed Paige's right hand, Hanna held her down as best she could. The shaken girl still crying out for Emily.
Emily sat down in front of her ex-girlfriend, she had seen Paige have a panic attack once in her life and that was after the Nate/Lyndon situation, this was a hundred worse. Emily's heart was racing as she was finally able to place Paige's index and middle finger where Hanna had told her too.
"Okay Em, talk to her... and try slow your own heartbeat. The slowing rhythm of your heartbeat should slowly help bring Paige down from her attack."
"Paige, it's okay... I'm here. It's Emily, I'm right here. Everything's okay." On hearing the raven haired girl's voice, Paige's attack seemed to calm somewhat.
Hanna took her place sitting beside Paige once again placing a hand on Paige's back slowly rubbing it and massaging out the tensed muscles once again.
"Keep talking...just keep talking to her, Em..." Hanna encouraged Emily.
"Just breath Paige, it's okay... it's going to be okay. I'm here and I'm... alive" saying the words were weird for Emily, she never really gave much thought to the fact she had come so close to dying that day. She never really thought about how she did in fact die, she had no heartbeat for just over three minute. She was gone from this world, from Paige, for over one hundred and eighty seconds.
Paige could slowly begin to settle her breathing, her thoughts becoming that little more clear as she could begin to focus on what was actually going on around her. The brunette was still pretty dazed but continued focusing in the slowing pulse point she felt beneath her fingertips. Once she unravelled her body and opened her eyes she was met by a stunning pair of coffee bean coloured eyes.
"Emily?" Her voice sounded foreign to herself as a result of the severe hoarseness.
"Shhh it's okay, Paige. Just relax" Emily soothed, Paige was still pretty confused with how Emily had got there.
"Paige you just had an attack. Do you think you can stand and we can get you off the cold tiles and back into bed?" Hanna explained, Paige nodded. She immediately missed the soothing contact with Emily's pulse when she stood up with the help of her two friends. It was reassuring and the one thing that had offered her comfort since everything fell to pieces ten days ago.
Paige climbed into the bed, her body felt weak and tired, her muscled ached as if she had just ran a marathon.
"I'm sorry..." She spoke weakly as soft, defeated sobs broke out.
"Paige... don't be sorry, it's okay, just try get some sleep. You need some rest..." Emily replied, her heart wrenching on seeing just how broken Paige was. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea for her to have left. Paige needed as many people on her side as possible.
"I'm scared..." Paige began her voice low and quivering, her words shaken Emily and Hanna to the core. "I'm afraid to see her face, to have dreams... to wake up and for the pain to still exist..."
Emily and Hanna shared a sympathetic and helpless look. Emily taken action, tentatively approached the bed, kicking off her shoes and climbing in beside Paige. She carefully grabbed Paige's wrist, before loosening the paler girl's fist and fingers. Taken her index and middle finger and placing them on her own wrist this time, right over the steady beat of her pulse once again.
"I don't know if this will help, Paige? But at least if those... if those flashback come back you'll know I'm safe... and alive." Emily explained to the broken wreck of a girl beside her. Thankfully her actions seemed to help somewhat as she noticed Paige's tense muscles release some of their pent up tension slowly.
"Han, can you go grab me Band-Aid, please?" Emily spoke to the blonde who was glad Emily knew what best to do now. She knew what Paige needed when taken the panic attack, Hanna figuring it was brought on by PTSD. She had dealt with Caleb's PTSD dreams enough after he had been shot, the difference between the two, Paige's was triggered by Emily's near death while Caleb's was triggered by his own. The doctor recommended anytime he took an attack to focus in on his own pulse feeling for it, reassuring him, he was still alive. Emily's pulse had done the exact same for Paige, when the two were in hospital together and the blonde was extremely relieved to understand it still helped today.
The blonde hurried off to find a small plaster as Emily had asked. She returned quickly. Emily immediately took the plaster from her friend's hold, slowly peeling back the protective layer before taking Paige's free hand, calmly examining the razor cut that lined the tip of her index finger, still emitting small droplets of blood before she wrapped it tightly. Paige was afraid to look the girl in the eye. She had just nearly broke their promise.
As if Emily could read her mind the bronzed girl whispered "Shhh... it's okay. But Paige please if you feel the urge... please come talk to me, or Hanna or someone."
Paige this time having the courage, looked up and gave the girl a stern nod of her head, before laying it back down onto the soft confines of the pillow, her mind focusing in on the steady rhythm of Emily's pulse under her fingertips once again. It was the first time since her break-up with Alex that she felt somewhat calm and at ease. Emily and she had been through hell and back together, Emily had even died in front of her own eyes for three minutes but here she was now with a steady, strong and healthy pulse, it gave the broken girl the littlest and most welcome sense of hope. Her eyelids grew steadily heavier now, only this time she allowed herself to give into the never ending call of sleep, she finally felt safe enough to give into it.
Emily sat in silence for a while her mind wandered off into a daydream as she heard Hanna buzzing around the kitchen, before someone else arrived. The raven haired girl immediately suspecting that person was Spencer. She was right when the brunette peered around the corner of the door, offering her friend a sympathetic smile before her eyes fell onto Paige's sleeping form. Spencer entered the room without making a sound, taking a sit on the guest home love seat in front of the large window. Hanna entered soon after, handing Spencer a cup of strong coffee and giving Emily a cup of green tea.
The three continued sitting in silence, Hanna was texting away on her phone and Spencer was reading a book she picked up on the bedside table. Emily remained still daydreaming and trying to imagine how she could have so easily saved Paige from all this pain. Now and then the three were disturbed by Paige's movements or her broken cries in her sleep, thankfully they seemed a little less distressed and eased off once Paige subconsciously tightened her fingers around Emily's wrist. Emily couldn't help a single tear stream off the edge of her cheek.
"Em..." Spencer said once she noticed her friend was upset.
"I should have come home as soon as I got the call from her mother..." Emily whispered in response, her heart picking up speed as the recollection of that day filled her memory.
7 Days Earlier
Emily was helping her mother do the dishes when she felt her phone vibrate in her back pocket, quickly drying her hands she took the phone a little confused as she didn't recognise the number onscreen but she answered it anyway in case it was important, walking into the sitting room for a little more privacy.
"Hello?"
"Hi, Emily. This is Anne McCullers, Paige's Mother's..."
"Anne hello. How are you?" Emily replied still somewhat bemused by the phone call from Paige's mother.
"Oh I'm doing well... sorry about the formal intro, it has been a while since we talked so I didn't want to come across as too casual"
"Oh no worries, glad to hear you are doing so good. I hope Mr McCullers is doing just as well?" Emily continued
"Yes, Nick is doing just fine... I know this phone call probably comes as a bit of a surprise, but I know you and girls are back in contact with Paige, and you have re-connected since she moved back to the states?"
"Yes... Is everything okay?" Emily replied, the tone of Anne McCullers' voice seemed to drop significantly.
"Umm well, Paige is usually good at keeping in contact with Nick and I, we usually get a phone call at least once a week, a skype if we're lucky and a few fleeting text messages here and there, but we haven't heard from her at all. We tried her phone and email and got no response, Alex's phone seems to be cut off as well. I still had you're number so I hoped you could ease my worries and get Paige to give us a call?" Emily's heart dropped on hearing the worry in Paige's mother's voice, her mind immediately going to the worst case scenario, but was somewhat eased knowing she was probably still at Hanna's and hadn't bothered with her phone or internet.
"I'm really sorry Mrs McCullers, I'm actually in Texas visiting my parents at the moment and have been here for six days now. Umm I don't know if I should be the person to tell you this but umm... Paige and Alex broke up, I don't want to get into details..."
"They broke up?!" Anne interrupted, somewhat shocked.
"Yeah listen don't worry, I'm sure Paige is fine. I'll ring Hanna... you remember Hanna Marin? Paige was staying with her and her husband Caleb Rivers. Once I get in contact with them, I'll get back to you as soon as possible." Emily tried to remain as calm as possible on the phone hoping it would help ease the woman's thoughts on the other end of the line.
"Okay, well thanks Emily... please let's us know as soon as you know anything..."
"I will, sorry for the mix-up Mrs McCullers. I'll talk to you soon. Goodbye"
Emily immediately start pacing around the room, she couldn't help but imagine the worse when she got a call like that from Paige's mother. Her mind keep playing and replaying the images of just how broken and distraught Paige was when she had arrived at the Rivers' in a severely intoxicated state. 'What if she went out drinking again, and passed out somewhere?' 'What if she tried to fly to the UK after Alex and didn't tell anyone', 'what if she went and did something stupid?'. Emily shook her mind of these ridiculous thoughts, focusing in on the fact that maybe Paige was perfectly fine, and most likely just held up in Hanna's guest room avoiding contact with the outside world, much like she, herself was doing in Texas. Emily had made a promise with herself to avoid contact with all those in New York so she could try and relax and focus her mind on other things while in Fort Worth, she was really regretting that decision now.
Emily quickly dialled in Hanna's number as she continued pacing around the room "Pick up! Pick up! Pick up!" her frustration growing by the second.
"Hey Em, What's up..."
"Please tell me Paige is still staying with you and Caleb?" Emily interrupted her friend.
"What? No she went home to Rosewood, she decided it was best if she stayed with her parents..."
"Goddamn it Hanna! You and Caleb were supposed to be looking out for her, can you not do a fucking thing right?" Emily screamed down the phone
"Woah Em, calm down... why am I being attacked?"
"She never went to Rosewood... I just got a call from her mother saying she hasn't heard from Paige in close to a week, she didn't know Paige and Alex broke up..."
"Ok Em, try and relax... I'm sure she's fine!"
"She better be fine..." Emily's voice was little softer now, worry setting in on her tone.
"Look you call Spencer. She's on her lunch break with Toby at the minute get her to go over to Paige's apartment... I'll ring Caleb and get him to meet them outside, I think he has a spare key. I can't go anywhere, I'm working from home and have no one to mind Jake. Em we'll find her don't worry... she'll be okay!"
"I hope so..." Emily hung up the phone, wiping at her eyes that were threatening to overspill.
"Emily Fields... what's with all the swearing? We raised you better than that!" Pam entered the room to see her daughter looking close to collapse.
"Paige is missing, she told the girls she was going to Rosewood for a while but I just got off the phone with Anne McCullers, she hasn't heard from Paige in a few days and can't get in contact with her" Emily spoke out so quickly it told Pam a moment to take in everything her daughter had just said.
"Oh baby, come here... it's going to be okay, just take a deep breath and try relax for a moment. You were just talking to Hanna, yes? What did she have to say?"
"Yeah... I have to call Spencer and get her to check Paige's apartment. But what if something happened to her, Mom? Or maybe she ran away again?" Emily spoke her voice breaking on hearing her worse thoughts spill from her mouth as she informed her mother.
"Listen sweetheart, I'm sure everything's okay... call Spencer, there's no need to jump to conclusions just yet." Pam hugged her daughter before encouraging her to make the phonecall.
"Hello Em, How are you? How's Texas?" Spencer chirped down the phoneline once she answered the ringing
"Umm hey Spence... I know Paige told everyone she was going to Rosewood, but I just got a call from her parents telling me they haven't heard from her in over a week. Could you go over to her apartment and see if she's there, Caleb's going to meet you guys with a key"
"Yeah sure, we're leaving now. Are you okay Em?" Spencer asked noticing the worry on her friend's voice.
"I dunno... I just want her to be safe and okay. Uhh well I'll let you go let me know if she's there or not, get back to me as soon as possible. Bye Spence." Emily spoke again before collapsing onto the sofa.
After a few moments her dad walked in, her mother having filled in him on the current situation. He remained quiet as he usually did as he entered the room taking a seat by his daughter, before pulling her into his arms. His manner and actions often spoke far more than anything he could possibly say, he also knew his daughter appreciated a hug far more than unsure words trying to offer some hope. As soon as she felt the strong arms wrap around her, Emily could no longer hold back her tears, as she began sobbing, broken heartedly into her father's chest.
"Oh Emmy, Paige is strong... she's going to be okay. She probably just needed some space, I'm sure she's fine, baby."
"I dunno, Dad. I should have stayed in New York... I could've been there for her. I always find some way or another to hurt her, I abandon her when times get tough... I just thought this time I was doing the right thing..."Emily explained despondently as she tucked herself tighter into her father's arms, feeling as if, if she let go the whole world would crumble around her.
The two sat in silence for the next hour, Emily began dozing off every few minute within the safe and warm confines of her father's arms, but she'd awaken suddenly with a jolt every other minutes to check her phone. Just as she began drifting off once again her phone beeped signalling a text.
Paige was at her apartment. She's in a pretty rough state but she's okay. She'll be staying with Hanna and Caleb for the next few weeks. Hanna or I will ring you later and explain in full. Can you let Mrs McCullers know, feel free to send her on my number if she wants to talk? You can stop worrying now, she's going to be okay! Send some love to your parents from all us up here in New York and we'll talk soon. –S
Emily let out a significant sigh of relief on reading the text message, "She's okay..." The words coming out almost breathlessly. Emily felt her dad's arms wrap around her tighter, as he placed a gentle kiss to her temple. A significant sigh slipping off his lips too. Emily immediately relaxed back into his hold as she wrapped her arm around her dad's chest. She may be 25 years old, but in that moment she felt like the little girl she was so many years ago, being comforted by her dad on numerous occasion; like the time when she fell off her bike, cutting up her knees when she was seven, or when she grew the courage to finally come out or when her father helped hold her together after the numerous loves lost; Alison, Maya... and Paige.
"You still love her, don't you Emmy?" Wayne spoke softly, Emily couldn't find it in herself to reply, she just curled herself in closer to her father's side and closed her eyes, this time allowing sleep to take her.
"Em, Paige isn't your responsibility. This isn't your fault, no one could have predicted what kind of person Alex was going to turn out to be." Spencer explained, her voice immediately distracting Emily from her current thoughts.
"We decided to be friends, I let my feelings jeopardize that and ran away when things got too much to handle. I should have been there for her..." Emily responded, anger at herself lingering on her tone.
"You're here now..." Hanna interrupted, the two's conversation "And that's all that matters".
"Wait... I thought you weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow night?" Spencer interjected.
"Yeah, I was supposed to stay in Rosewood with my Mom for the night, we flew in to Philly this morning, but I was fit to kill her... I love her to the end of the earth but it's the non-stop questions about me, about Paige being back, about your guys, about my love life, about work. So I made up an excuse that I needed to be in New York tonight, and just left. Kinda a surprise when I walk into Hanna's house to hear Paige screaming out my name in the midst of a severe panic attack." Emily explained dryly, the blonde and brunette nodding in understanding, a smile registering on their faces on hearing the lightened tone in Emily's voice all the same.
The three continued in silence again for a good while, it had definitely been over an hour since Paige had fallen asleep, the girls were all just happy to see Paige catch up on some well-deserved rest. Hanna politely left the room to call Caleb and fill him in, before chatting with her son for a little while, she knew they would be back tomorrow but that didn't stop her from missing her family dearly.
Hanna re-entered the room, taking a seat at the other end of the love seat where Spencer was now completely stretched out. With no hesitation the blonde raised the lean girl's legs over her own body so she could be sat comfortable. Spencer was still caught up in the book, but Hanna eyes remained focused on Emily, she knew the girl hadn't stopped worrying or over thinking the situation.
"Em... Stop" Hanna broke the silence, her words earning a confused glare from both Emily and Spencer.
"Stop what?"
"Stop overthinking this whole situation"
"I'm not..." Emily tried to speak but the look on both Hanna and Spencer's face told her to stop lying to them and too herself.
"Fine... I just. It's just I've never seen Paige have an attack like that before, she suffered some PTSD after Nate but she talked to some therapists who helped her get over that. It was terrifying seeing her so distressed. Yet, it seemed like she was used to it at the same time, like as if it was a common occurrence..." Emily spoke out. Her words causing Spencer and Hanna to sharing a knowing look.
"Em... it's not really our place to say but it's not the first time it has happened..." Spencer replied keeping her voice soft.
"What?! What do you mean..." Emily answered back hastily, confused by her friend's words.
"Spence, you can tell her..." Paige spoke up, her voice laden with sleep causing all three pairs of eyes to fall onto her immediately, surprised to hear Paige awake.
"What, what is going on? What am I missing?" Emily's eyes flitted from Paige to Spencer to Hanna. looking for any kind of answers.
"I made them promise not to tell you, Em... You had enough to worry about!" Paige replied catching a brief glance up at Emily's eyeline, before she curled back into the warm blankets, her body still craving sleep.
"Em, it all ties back to the accident. You had died for three whole minutes, the only think that was keeping you alive were the hands of a paramedic, an oxygen pump and a defibrillator, thankfully it was enough to get you heart going again... you know this because the doctors filled you in on what happened once you woke up. What you don't know was Paige witnessed it all... and it continued to have an immense impact on her mental state." Spencer stopped for a moment noticing the significant tenseness currently enrapturing Paige's body, but Paige nodded in her direction signalling for her to continue.
"... Paige was so distressed she had to be sedated, she was at risk of doing serious harm to herself if she exerted herself too much while trying to reach you. When she came to at the hospital she wanted to see you, but we couldn't do that you were still in surgery, she thought we were lying she didn't know you were alive and still fighting. Paige then started having panic attacks and suffering PTSD flashbacks, she was kept sedated a lot of the time, until she was fit and strong enough to sit in a wheelchair, it wasn't until she felt the steady flow of your pulse that she calmed down. Unfortunately the attacks just didn't stop, they continued afterwards but since you were in such a bad state she fought with us, your parents and her own to keep it all a secret."
As Spencer was explaining the situation, and the times she or one of the other girls or boys helped Paige through an attack, memories of those first few days in hospital played out as she drifted between sleep and semi-awake state.
December 28th 2012 (5 years ago)
Paige eyes struggled to open, fluttering against the strong white lights surrounding her. Her body felt stiff, strained and sore while her head thumped. Her thoughts were fuzzy, it almost felt like she was wakening up from a heavy night of drinking not really knowing how she got home. The blurring of her vision slowly faded, allowing her to realise this wasn't her room. Her eyes focusing in the machines to her right and left, her nose picking up the stale smell of bleach and latex gloves before she noticed Spencer curled up asleep in a chair about two feet from her.
"Spencer..." Her voice was almost inaudible, her throat burning as the word spilled out a result of dry mouth. Thankfully enough it was enough to stir the brunette awake, Paige immediately noticing the red raw soreness licking the edges of Spencer's eyes telling her the brunette had been crying, the redness only emphasised by the dark bags underneath.
Spencer quickly sat up, reaching a hand out to squeeze Paige's arm, "You're okay, but I have to tell the doctor you're awake, she'll be able to explain everything".
Paige lay still, was all this real. The reality of events not hitting her just yet. Within a blink of an eye it seemed Spencer returned, a middle-aged woman with her.
"Hello Paige, my name is Dr. Morgenstein. Do you know where you are?" The woman voice was soft and gently lulling in a friendly manner which eased Paige's anxiety, if only for a few moments.
"Hospital?"
"Yes. Okay Paige I don't want you to worry but you have been injured in a car accident. You suffered a broken collar bone and broken wrist on your left side, you have four fractured ribs, a contusion along your right thigh and an open wound just above your right eye resulting in a minor concussion. After doing an ultra sound we found no signs of internal bleeding. You also have some minor cuts and bruises all over, but we've done our best to look after everything. Unfortunately I do recommend we do some surgery to repair your clavicle." The doctor explained all of Paige's injuries, Paige still unable to fully comprehend what was going on around her most likely a result of shock.
Paige's eyes flickered between Spencer's and the doctors when flashbacks of Emily life-less body stung her memory.
"Emily?" Paige sat up straight in the bed "Where is she? Spencer please?" Paige cried out in a panic.
"Paige, we need you to relax. Emily is currently in surgery, being looked after by some of my best colleagues. She's doing just fine" Dr. Morgenstein explained calmly hoping it would helped ease Paige's worries
"No... I need to see her. I need to make sure she's okay."
"Paige, please sit down, you're still at a high risk of further injuring yourself." the doctor continued gently holding Paige back down on the bed.
"No! You're lying... where is she? Spencer I need to get out and help Emily! Get off me!" Paige pushed the doctor ripping the wires off her chest and pulling the drip needle out of her hand.
"I need some help in here" Dr. Morgenstein called out as she held Paige back once again.
"Spencer why aren't you helping me?! I need to get to see her... please. This is all my fault... I saw her die..." Paige kept screaming out, her frustration and worry only growing as she watched Spencer stand back in the corner ,her arms wrapped tightly around her body, tears streaming down her face. Without realising the number of medical staff now surrounding her, she began to quickly feel weak a wave of tiredness washing over her as she felt herself being eased back into her hospital bed.
December 29th 2012
The next time Paige awoke she was meet by the face of her tired, worried and teary-eyed mother who looked at her daughter with nothing but love and concern. Unfortunately having her mother by her side wasn't enough to stop the flashes and memories of what had happened a few hours ago, as her heart began racing and she struggled to breath.
Paige's Mom was quick to react as soon as she saw her daughter having another panic attack, she pulled her seat closer to her daughter, grabbing a hold of her uninjured hand and began singing to her, she sang songs she would sing to Paige as a child, and made soft motions with her thumb on Paige's palm, the doctor stood by ready with more sedatives in case Paige's attack became so bad she'd do some kind of damage to herself. Paige began to slowly come down from her attack, as tears began to fall from her eyes, the first time since she got to the hospital. Her vision blurred as she looked up to meet her mother's face, she noticed her dad standing behind her, his face also riddled with lines of worry, sadness and concern.
"Paige, the doctors need to talk to you about your collar bone surgery later today, they need you sign off the consent forms. Is that okay?" Her mother explained calmly. Paige didn't respond she just nodded her head and tried her best to focus on the medical jargon the two doctor's spieled on about, eventually they handed over the papers which she immediately signed secretly hoping they would just leave.
The room sank into a suffocating silence, the only noise being that of the heart monitor attached to Paige's chest. She finally built up the courage to ask the question that was constantly playing on her mind. Emily.
"Did she make it?" Paige whispered her, her lower lip quivering with fear.
"Emily made it and she's in a stable condition. Her body took a big hit so they're keeping her in a medically induced coma for a few days. I don't know all the details, sweetheart, but it will be long and tough journey for her, she's going to need a lot more surgeries but they're letting her body begin to heal itself before doing much more, and then deciding what they need to do" Anne McCullers explained, her voice remained even as she spoke while holding her daughter's hand a little tighter when she heard a sob escaped from her only daughter's throat.
"She's okay?" Paige asked, her voice cracking.
"She is, sweetheart."
"You promise?" Paige asked again.
"I promise, Paige." Her mother confirmed.
"Can you sing again? Please?" Paige mumbled out, as she sunk down into the bed as much as she could without causing herself too much pain or disrupting the many wires attached to her body. Paige's mother offered her a gentle smile as she began to sing softy to daughter. Paige's whole demeanour reverted back to her twelve year old self, which was the very last time she had asked her mother to sing to her, it was the night her grandfather Alan had passed away. Nick watched on heartbroken, seeing his only child hurt and in pain physically and emotionally, he would give up everything if he could find a way to help his daughter or Emily. Nick McCullers had grown to love Emily Fields like a daughter of his own, although he has never shown it very much. It took him a while to accept his daughter's sexuality, but once he saw the pure happiness Emily Fields brought out in his daughter he couldn't help but adore the young woman, the fact that she brought out the natural competitiveness and helped Paige to grow as a person were only benefits in his eyes.
Nick walked around to the other side of his daughter's bed, his eyes slightly glistening as he fought back tears. He approached his daughter being extremely careful as he took a seat on the edge of Paige's bed. On seeing the look in her father's eyes, Paige reached out to take her father's hand, offering him a fighting and defiant smile, or at least her best attempt at one. Her father returned a kind smile, before brushing the hair back from his daughter's forehead, he grimaced slightly at the stitches that lined her left side not able to imagine the pain his daughter must be in. He moved forward, placing a gentle kiss there before whispering "She's a fighter. Just like you are, Paigey". He then got up from the bed choosing to sit on the nearest chair, noticing how tired Paige was, the events of the past two days and the medication exhausting her body of it's resources.
December 31st 2012
For the most part Paige spent all of yesterday passed out asleep or just barely awake after having her surgery early that morning and her pain meds adjusted. She remembers briefly talking with Spencer, Aria and Hanna when they came by to visit, she also has a vague memory of Pam and Wayne Fields chatting with her parents but that was about it. Thankfully she was feeling a lot better today, the biggest pain extended from her bruised and fractured ribs that ached and burned every time she moved a little or even breathed a little too heavily. What was killing her now, was that she couldn't see Emily, her girlfriend was only down the corridor but yet Paige couldn't get to her. Her mother and father kept her updated as best as they could, but she wouldn't be happy until she saw her girlfriend with her own eyes.
Dr. Morgenstein walked into Paige's room, for her morning check-up. "Good morning, Paige."
"Good morning, Dr. Morgestein"
"You seem a lot better this morning, how's the pain holding up?"
"It's okay, about a 6 out of 10. But nothing I can't handle."
"Good to hear. Where are your parents this fine morning?"
"I told them to go out for breakfast and look into finding a hotel in the city. They shouldn't have to stay in those awful hospital bed/chairs, no offence, especially not on New Year's Eve. I don't need them here with me all night anymore." Paige explained.
"Well I guess that's very kind of you to suggest."
"Dr. Morgenstein... can I see her? Please?"
"Paige... I don't think I can make that call right now. I'll be honest with you, your injuries are healing up fine and you're no longer at risk of any serious complications. You need some rehabilitation and your dressings on your thigh still need to be changed at least once a day at the minute. But they're all only minor worries, I must admit I'm a little more worried about your panic attacks and PTSD. I can't have you seeing Emily and then having an attack. I mean you had two attacks yesterday..."
"I did... I don't remember" Paige argued back, amazed by the information the doctor had just told her.
"Yes, you had one after talking with your friends... it was Spencer and two other girls and then again when Emily's parents came into visit you. You were on high levels of pain medication as well as a mild sedative yesterday so I reckon that's why you can't remember having them at all." The older woman explained.
"Please... I need to see her. It's New Year's Eve please." Paige practically begged the older woman stood beside her.
"Okay, I'll make you a deal. The physical therapist will be in to see you today, I want you to give it you all, 100% focus on what he tells you to do. Then one of the nurses will be along to help you wash yourself. Both events will probably leave you quiet tired, so after you shower and have dinner I need you to get some sleep or even just some rest... then if everything else goes well, I'll talk with Dr. Angelo Calvano, he's one of my second year interns who will be covering for me tonight and if your able for it, I'll get him to bring you down to see Emily about half ten and you can stay with her for two hours. If at any time you feel stressed, scared or panicked you'll have a buzzer, just press that and Angelo can come and bring you back to your room. Okay, is that a deal?" The doctor smiled seeing the growing glint in her patient's eye at her words.
"Deal, I'll do my best Doc." Paige smiled back eagerly, nothing made her want to prove herself more than a bit of competition...especially when the reward was getting to see Emily.
Paige abided by the doctors rules, she fulfilled her physical therapist's instructions word for word, granted she was somewhat frustrated at her body inability to work at it's best, something she was always used to but she was proud of the work she had completed none the less. The work was painful, her muscles and bones still trying to readjust after the accident and surgery, her ribs still causing her the brunt of her pain. She was a little more nervous when it came to being washed, she was nervous about being naked in front of another person, up until this point in her life the only people who ever saw her completely naked were Emily, and her parents when she was a little baby. Thankfully, the nurse offered her some disposable cotton mesh underwear to cover up if she wanted to. After showering, Paige then had dinner before falling asleep. The day had kept her busy and worn her out at the same time, she had set an alarm on her mother's phone since she hadn't seen her own since the accident, no doubt it had been shattered to pieces.
The alarm buzzed loudly, signalling it was 10:15. She waited impatiently for the doctor to appear at her doorway, her heart hammered in her chest. The phone beeped beside her, signalling one new message.
Paige, If you need us at the hospital just call. Love –Mom & Dad xx
The message coming from her dad, her parents were initially worried about Paige going to see Emily when neither of them would be there, but both decided in the end that it had to happen eventually.
When Paige looked up from the phone she noticed a young man not much older than she, standing in the doorway. He was undeniably a very good looking man, sallow skinned, a light amount of stubble just enough to line his jaw-bone followed with a mop of jet black hair, his features topped off with a friendly smile. She giggled briefly to herself, briefly distracted from her harsh reality knowing he was exactly Hanna's type as he shared a similar look to Caleb. Her mind wandered to the many situations Hanna would get herself into, to get the littlest bit of attention from the doctor, most likely making Caleb jealous in the meantime.
"You ready to go see your girlfriend" The young doctor smiled as he approached a once again, nervous Paige.
Paige couldn't reply and just nodded in response, her eyes tearing over as her mind raced trying to predict what condition Emily would be in when she saw her for the first time since the accident. Paige had to move slowly trying to cause herself the littlest amount of pain possible when she was climbing out of the bed, thankful for the doctor's assistance as he helped her into a wheelchair.
"Sooo umm must suck being stuck here on New Year's?" Paige tried making small talk, it was never something she was very good at but talking provided a distraction and stopped her from hyperventilating.
"Well, it's not too bad actually, my boyfriend is stuck in Vancouver with the snow storm so it's not like he's here anyway. We decided we pushed back celebrating the New Year until he got back to New York." Angelo explained causing Paige to smile again despite herself, knowing Angelo being gay would not stop Hanna's advancements.
"Oh, I'm sorry he's stuck there."
"No honestly don't worry about it. I can't imagine this is your ideal New Year's Eve either?"
"Nope... we had a hotel booked in the city for five nights we were going to head into time square and watch the ball drop and just enjoy the experience, while also getting to take in some of the typical New York sights. I guess plans don't always come together..." Paige trailed off as her eye caught sight of her girlfriend's name on the door to her right, her heartbeat instantly speeding up.
"You are feeling up to this, right?" Angelo asked again waiting before pushing Paige's wheelchair any further, just in case she had a change of mind.
"I need to do this." Paige asserted herself, as she instructed the doctor to push her into the room. Her breath being winded from her lungs as she caught sight of her girlfriend lying still on a hospital bed very similar to her own. Her heart raced, and tears escaped her brown orbs as she took it all in. She just looked like she was sleeping, there was a few cuts and bruises marking the right side of her face but not much else was visible. Angelo pushed her close enough that Paige could reach out and touch her girlfriend. Her finger near leaping back after the initial contact, Paige was for whatever reason expecting Emily's skin to feel different, it was strange that it didn't.
"I'll leave you two alone. Paige if you need anything just press the button on the buzzer, and I'll get here as quick as possible. Otherwise, I'll be back to bring you back down to your room around half twelve." The young doctor explained, placing a friendly hand on Paige's shoulder before leaving the room.
Paige sat in silence her eyes examining every single detail of her girlfriend's still body. The slight up and down motion of her chest, simply mesmerising. Her hand tracing patterns down the length of her girlfriend's bronzed arm, before coming to rest as Paige interlinked their fingers. Her whole body itched for the slightest movement or signal telling her she was okay, unfortunately it never came the only thing that eased her own racing heart beat and shallow breaths was the movement of Emily's chest and the slightest thrum of Emily's pulse which Paige felt beneath her own wrist, it seemed to slowly help steady her own. Pulling herself even closer she lowers herself to place a kiss on her girlfriend's hand, before resting her head next to their interlinked hands, allowing a few tear small drops to seep from her eyes.
"Oh Em. What have I done to you?" Paige whispered out, her voice trembling.
"You saved my daughter's life, Paige."
Paige jumped up on hearing the deep boom of a voice behind her, grimacing slightly as the rapid movement which caused her ribs to burn. Wiping at her tears to hide her emotion she began talking "Mr. Fields what are you doing here?"
"Paige, you can call me Wayne" Wayne stated first off, causing a light blush to rise on Paige's cheeks. "I came by to check up on Emmy. But it looks like you have that covered" Wayne approached the two, taking a seat beside Paige on the plastic hospital chair.
"Wayne... I'm sorry..."
"Paige... please stop apologising. I talked with some of the cops, they explained the circumstance of the accident. The truck was out of control the driver fell asleep at the wheel, you made the right decision to drive down into the embankment. The truck jack-knifed, if you had remained on the road any longer the back wheels and trailer would have crushed your car, killing both you and Emmy instantly. You had to make a horrible and terrifying decision and you did, thankfully it's what saved you both." Wayne interrupted the young girl.
"I was the one driving, I should be the one in Emily's position" Paige stated dejectedly, her eyes glistening over once again.
Wayne placed a hand on Paige's knee, "Paige... no one could have predicted or changed this outcome, you saved her life. Emmy's a fighter, she will come out of this. It's going to be tough but you need to forgive yourself for this, Paige."
"I don't know if I can. What if Emily can never forgive me?" Paige asked, voicing her deepest fear.
"I can't honestly speak for Emily, it is going to be hard. But I can't imagine my daughter ever blaming you for such an awful circumstance." Wayne replied giving his honest opinion.
"No one will tell me... but what is the extent of her injuries?" Paige practically begged the man sat beside for some information.
"When she came in she had a punctured lung, so they rushed her to the OR for that. Her right side took the brunt of her injuries when the car hit the tree on Emily's side, her right leg and hip bone have been shattered, they have placed in some temporary pins to keep the leg stable. She also has a few broken ribs, they caused the punctured lung. They placed her in a medically induced coma because she had a minor brain bleed, but as of yesterday that has seemed to have looked after itself. They want to keep her in the coma for the next few days just to make sure. So when she wakes up they're gonna make some decision on what to do with her leg and hip." Wayne explained solemnly.
"Can they fix it?" Paige spoke softly, her question terrifying her at the idea that Emily may have to lose her leg.
"Amputation has come up in talks, but the doctors seem to think there is other ways around it. But thankfully there's no immediate rush so we can wait to see what Emmy wants to do." Wayne explained, his words causing Paige's head to drop with sadness. "Paige, Emily is stronger than any soldier I know, she'll get through this. You both will!" He added noticing the sudden drop in Paige's mood.
"I hope so." Paige murmured.
"I'll leave you two alone. I'd never hear the end of it if Emily knew I was crashing her New Year's, plus I told Pam I'd only be gone for twenty minutes it's been about an hour. It's going to be okay, Paige" Wayne smiled in her direction before standing and placing a kiss to his daughter's cheek, and leaving the room.
Paige looked at the time on the clock on the wall. 11:40. She remained still, placing her head back down to rest on Emily's hand and chest. She watched the TV screen coverage of Time Square, the TV had been muted but she couldn't help it from aching her heart.
Time crept on, and with one minute to go before midnight Paige pulled herself up out of the wheelchair ignoring the pain her body presented to stand and get a better look at her girlfriend's beautiful face. Her ears perked on hearing the medical staff counting down from 10 down the hallway, at the nurse's station.
"10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1..."
Paige leaned close to her girl, being as gently as she possibly could, she placed her lips on those of her girlfriend's, leaving the gentlest and sincerest of kisses there before she carefully connected their foreheads for a brief moment. "Happy New Year, Em. I love you. Forever and always."
In a way she hoped her kiss would awaken the sleeping beauty, like it would have done in any fairytale. Unfortunately real life didn't always work out that way.
Paige couldn't hold herself up for much longer as she placed her weak body back into the wheelchair. Her hand finding it's place within Emily's once again as she took back her place resting her head on their interlinked hands.
Paige must have drifted off asleep because next thing she knew she felt herself being shook ever so gently and a man's voice calling her name. Finally she recognised the voice of Angelo.
"Come on Paige... It's time to go back" Angelo spoke softly.
"Okay... One second"
"Goodnight my love." Paige whispered before placing a final kiss to Emily's hand as it remained interlocked within her own. She then sat back in the wheelchair disentangling their hands and allowed Angelo to bring her back to her room.
Paige was awoken from her semi-slumber state when she heard a soft sniffling noise coming from Emily who was sat beside her. Emily couldn't hold back her emotions as Spencer told her of the numerous attacks Paige had taken when she was still in recovery, the fact that the attacks seemed to return recently since Paige and Alex broke-up only fed her guilt. Spencer finished by telling Emily how they had found Paige in her apartment about a week ago.
"When we finally got into the apartment, Paige was passed out on the couch, the room was completely destroyed, the moving boxes were thrown around the room, photos ripped up, broken glass, and a lot of beer cans and liquor bottles. It took us a moment to get her awake, and when we did she was still pretty out of it. But it triggered an attack, we had all dealt with and had seen Paige take some before so we knew we just had to wait it out. Thankfully it wasn't too bad, I think that fact she was still pretty wasted from the alcohol helped. Toby carried her down to Caleb's car, and we left. That was the last attack she had since today." Spencer continued explaining the full extent of Paige's current physical and mental state, secretly glad Paige had finally given them permission to fill Emily in, as she was convinced Emily would have been more understanding of Paige's distant behaviour just before Emily decided it was best the two break up.
"Emily... I didn't want to upset you" Paige interrupted, her words causing Emily to jump a little not realising Paige was fully awake once again.
"Hey, listen how about Spence and I give you two some space to talk. I have to cook dinner anyway, Spence you can be my sous-chef" Hanna stood up walking towards the doorway.
"Yeah sure, coming Han" Spencer called out after Hanna disappeared through the door quickly following her out.
"Paige you should have told me" Emily looked at Paige who was now sat up in the bed beside her.
"You had enough on your plate... I didn't want to add to the stress of things. They eased off after my parents brought me to talk with a PTSD therapist, but stress and feeling down seems to trigger them. They had eased off almost fully but they returned when we broke up and I moved to Scotland. I was suffering panic and anxiety attacks pretty often for the first few months when I started out in Edinburgh, but then I slowly started to settle in and meet new people. Al... Alex helped me a lot. After Alex and I started dating 3 years ago they were as good as gone, my only connection to Rosewood and even America was my parents, so I had no real reminders of the accident. I've had three since returning, all I'm guessing triggered by stress..."
"...and me being back in your life" Emily interrupted, tears overflowing at the sudden realisation.
"Yes, that's probably true, Em. But maybe it's time I confront them fully, being in the UK I was able to run from my problems I've never really dealt with them properly. I can't have this fear hanging over me forever." Paige replied sincerely.
"I wish you could have told me... it could have stopped..."
"Stopped the break-up? I honestly considered that too. But I think things between us had gotten so bad we were destroying one and other, there was no coming back from that. Our break-up was inevitable, Em."
"But it could have stopped this whole situation, it could have meant you didn't have to get hurt again. Paige we're not together anymore, we haven't seen each other in five years and we've only been friends for over a month but that doesn't mean I still don't care about you" Emily explained the tears still flowing steadily down her cheeks.
"Em. No one can predict the future... not even Spencer Hastings." Paige joked this time causing Emily to let out a soft laugh through her tears; "Life's not worth living if you don't take chances, and I did with Alex. We took chances too, the sad thing is sometimes life sucks, really sucks, people suck too and we just have to deal with it".
Paige sat up more this time, her hand instinctively reaching up to wipe a single lonely teardrop trailing along Emily's bronzed cheek. The simple action causing the world to stop around them. The two now sat eye to eye, unassured glances at tender lips, natural chemistry so electrifying it could do battle against the fiercest thunder storm.
Sensible thoughts prevails.
Now wasn't the right time.
"I... I.. Um I should go help the girls with dinner" Emily hopped up and walked towards the door, afraid of what could have happened if she sat there next to Paige any longer, her rapid movement breaking the earth-shattering intensity within a millisecond, allowing the world to continue spinning once again.
"Yeah, you're right... I think I'll go shower and maybe then hit the sack." Paige replied sullenly, her voice low once again. As if the reality of her situation had quickly once again caught up with her.
Emily immediately noticed the significant drop in Paige's mood, walking back towards the bed, she knelt down in front of the girl, taking Paige's hand in her own. "Paige look at me."
Paige didn't respond she simply nodded her head not wanting Emily to see her so upset.
"Paige, please look at me" Emily pleaded this time, holding Paige's hands a little tighter this time, interlinking their fingers. Paige eventually met her gaze, her own eyes lined with water as she regained eye contact with Emily.
"Everything is falling apart around me. I didn't tell you guys but I also lost my job. I kinda suspected I would since I got the job through Alex. It was her uncle's company. I don't know how much more I can take. It scares me, Em..."
"Paige, you're the bravest person I know and I'm not going to let you forget that. I could say all the clichéd sayings, but I think you and I have already had enough people telling us 'Time heals all wounds' or 'It's get better' to last a lifetime. But for what it's worth you have us, Hanna, Spence, Caleb and the others... Paige I'm here too and if it's too hard having me around... if it's too harsh a reminder of all the crappy shit that you've had to deal with, that's fine I can give you space. All the space you need." Emily whispered in return.
Paige gave a watery nod in understanding, before feeling Emily pull herself closer giving her a warm embrace. The sense of safety, comfort and warmth wrapping itself around the two past lovers, the two remained still like that for a few moments. For those few moments if felt like the two bodies had never been separated, torn apart by harsh, unforgiving words or had experienced a new life on two different continents.
In those few moments nothing else mattered.
It was just Paige and Emily.
Emily and Paige.
[A/N] Thanks for reading. Please review. Until next time -KTF