[A/N] Surprise, I'm back... and so soon. What's happening? Okay, so I kind of lied about some things in my author's note at the bottom of the last chapter. This chapter and the last were supposed to be one, but since as a whole it was so heavy, I decided I needed the first chapter to lay out the foundations. So in actuality this chapter has been eighty percent complete for some time, while I said I have yet to decide on certain things (Paige's dad, Paige and Emily's relationship, etc.) I actually had my preferred outcomes already written, sneaky I know. I hope as a result the chapter still lives up to expectation. Thanks again to all you readers for the vastness of support, it continues to blow me away. Here's chapter 20, Enjoy.
Hanna was sitting on the couch reading to Jacob, when she noticed Emily enter the house. The girl was mumbling song lyrics to herself matching the sway and rhythmic movements of her hips and feet as she danced in through the door. Juggling some paperwork, a half drank cup of coffee and her handbag she moved into the kitchen. Shooting a smile at her blonde friend and her son.
"Emily?" Hanna called out, only to be given the one second signal by Emily sticking her index finger in the air as she continued to jam out to the lively music still pumping in her ears, waiting until the music ended before chatting with the blonde.
Finally the music died down and Emily sighed happily pulling her earphones out and immediately plugged in her phone. "Today was a good day."
"Is it really?" Hanna dismissed her friend's initial comment, the tone of the blonde's voice immediately catching Emily's attention.
"Hey, aren't you suppose be to be working? Where's Caleb?" Emily questioned, sensing something was up.
"Emily, do you not know? What is up with your phone, everyone's been trying to get in contact with you?" Hanna continued ignoring Emily's responses, instead asking questions of her own.
"What why?! What happened? What's wrong?!" Emily froze, her heart rate doubling in a mere second, panicked as she picked up the raw urgency on Hanna's voice.
"Paige's father had a heart attack about mid-afternoon." Hanna explained, only this time trying to speak as calmly as possible for the sake of her son and avoiding any excess fear for Emily. Emily's eyes darting to the clock, it was only after four so it mustn't have happened that long ago.
"What... is he okay?" Emily paled on hearing her friend's words.
"I dunno, he was rushed into surgery and I haven't heard from Caleb since. Emily, we've all been trying to contact you." Hanna sighed.
"I put my phone on flight mode because it was running low on charge about half two." Emily ran to her phone disabling flight mode only for her screen to become flooded with text messages and missed calls. "God... I'm so stupid." Emily chastised.
Emily stopped still in an instant when a certain thought hit. 'Paige' the thought enough to rise a wicked burning bile in the back of her throat, the worry hitting her like a truck.
"Paige..." Her voice was now low, deep and trembling as the news started to settle in. Her sudden wave of anxiety haunting her words now a reflection of her features. "I have to go." Emily blinked blankly, her words intended for no one in particular but enough to unstill her core.
"Em, wait. Paige was the only one with her dad at the time. She had to perform CPR to keep his heart beating... he had to be resuscitated on scene before they finally got a strong enough heart beat to get him to the hospital." Hanna explained continuing in as calm a tone as she could once again, her words causing Emily to crumble, hearing the full circumstance and now knowing how much an impact this would play on Paige, she felt awful for not knowing sooner.
It took the raven haired girl a moment to re-collect herself, her mind and heart racing a mile a minute as she processed all the details. "I have to go... I have to be there for her."
"I know... Caleb, Spence and Toby are there too."
"Okay, I'll keep in touch." Emily grabbed her phone and charger this time throwing it back into her bag, as well as grabbing her coat before heading back out the door.
"Em!" Hanna called the girl back for a moment.
"Yeah?" Emily peaked her back around the corner.
"Look after her for us?"
"You know, I'll do my very best." Emily nodded almost solemnly. Her heart continually humming speedily in her chest, as she tried to prepare herself for what she would be faced with in the next few hours. Paige being the biggest concern.
Emily forced relaxation on herself by taken a few deep, heavy breaths before walking into the hospital. It wasn't a hospital she was very familiar with so she had to ask at reception where she could find her friends, Paige and Anne McCullers. Emily making a dart in the direction the receptionist pointed out before the lady had even finished talking.
Heading up to the seventh floor seemed to take an eternity, she partially took in the faces of doctors, nurses, patients and families waiting and longing in drawn out anticipation of any little piece of news. Each of their faces telling a different story, some plastered with sheer focus and determination, some darkened with heart-wrenching sadness while others were drawn to hopeful optimism. Emily finally reached the waiting area she needed to be in. Her eyes darting around the twenty or so plastic and worn seats, her orbs in one moment clashing with those of an older woman. Immediately drawn to the heavy tiredness hidden behind her emerald coloured eyes briefly shaded by anger as if she expected Emily to be a doctor, awash with a moments lasting of insidious hatred as Emily was not the person she had expected or even wanted to see. Emily simply offered an understanding look, the woman defeated, offered a timid nod before her eyes fell back onto the rosary beads wrapped intrinsically between her aged and wrinkled fingers.
The next figure she noticed was Spencer's, her hands clutching a cup of stale coffee as she was mindlessly trying to read some hot gossip story in a weathered, old and cheap celebrity magazine.
"Spence?" the thin brunette jumped on hearing her voice.
"Hey, you finally got here." Spencer voice rasped, most likely a result of having not said much in the past hour, combined with the dry, disinfected, clinical air of the hospital environment. She looked worn and tired, too. Emily was beginning to think there was something in the hospital air that seemed to hang a heavy weighted darkness on everyone who stepped inside the doors, especially those who hung in the balance, awaiting the unknown.
"Yeah... sorry it wasn't sooner. Any news." Emily asked, forcing a sense of hopefulness.
"No nothing yet." Spencer shook her head desolately, pursing her lips together.
"Where is everyone?" Emily questioned, noticing Spencer was sat alone.
"Caleb and Toby are downstairs with Mrs McCullers. She was pretty shook after hearing the news, so they brought her down for some food and hot tea, hopefully the brief distraction will be good for her."
"...and Paige." Emily asked tentatively.
Spencer didn't answer she simply allowed her eye line to trail down the corridor off to their right. Emily could just about make out as single seat beside a vending machine or what could also possibly be a coffee machine she couldn't really tell from where she was stood, only to be distracted by a stoic, motionless figure she recognised as Paige. Paige had her knees pulled up on the seat in front of her as her arms wrapped tightly around them holding them in place. Her chin lying on top, her skin a sickly pale colour only highlighted by the shocking white light that lit the busy corridors, while a vacant expression haunted her brown eyes as she stared blankly ahead.
"She hasn't said a word since Caleb and I got here. She talked with her mother, comforted her even, but once Anne seemed to compose herself, Paige completely turned in herself. She asked for some time alone and wandered over there, I don't think she has moved an inch since. Maybe you can get through to her?" Spencer explained. Emily's eyes never once falling from Paige's curled up figure, as she tentatively began approaching the brunette.
"Paige?" Emily voice was soft and low, almost so low she was worried Paige wouldn't have heard her.
"Emily?" Paige blinked turning to look at the other girl, Emily voice causing her to jump up defensively from her seat in a flash, a look of unadulterated horror on her expression.
"Paige, it's okay." Emily soothed once more this time taking motive to approach the other girl who was now stood tall before her, a look of fear, confusion, shock and desperate sadness etched into the features of her face.
"No! No, it's not. It's not okay." Paige pushed Emily away with enough force to cause the taller girl to stumble. Paige began stepping backwards some more, she too nearly falling over when she walked into some equipment left in the hallway. Her swirl of brown orbs becoming glazed with burning hot tears. She didn't look a fraction of her usual confident, strong, charismatic twenty-five year old self.
"Paige, talk to me." Emily approached once more only to be pushed back even harder this time.
"Just leave me alone!" Paige shouted a vicious snarl to her tone as she warned Emily back, this time her actions catching the attention of a few passer-bys.
Emily continued ignoring the girl's distressed orders, knowing this was Paige's defence mechanism going into overdrive. She moved forward with more intention this time wrapping herself around the brunette, holding the slightly smaller girl as close to her as was physically possible. Paige continued fighting and pushing Emily off of her, banging her fists against the other girl's chest but given Emily's tight hold, they didn't hold much power at all. Paige's actions were more of an inconvenience than anything making it slightly more difficult for Emily to just hold her than actually hurting her.
"Paige, it's going to be okay." Emily hushed quietly and calmly
"What if it's not?! What happens if it not fucking okay, Emily?" Paige shouted angrily in Emily's face as she tried to push her away one last time but once again failed miserably. Overwhelmed by everything, Paige finally gave up before collapsing into the arms of Emily's awaiting hold. "What if it's not... I can't lose him, Em. I can't lose my Dad." Paige's voice quivered enough to shoot shivers along Emily spine as she watched the way Paige slowly almost tortuously broke down into wretched sobs that echoed through her entire body. Emily was witness to Paige's breakdown, seeing her falling victim as the events of the day became all too real. Everything hitting her all at once, reality almost like a poison, easing it's way into the cavities of Paige's worries, insecurities and deepest fears. Emily eased the both of them to the ground, not saying anymore she just simply remained still and held a broken Paige in her arms until she was ready to talk.
Paige had stopped crying, a devastatingly heartbroken sniffle the only sound bouncing between the two's entwined bodies every few minutes. Her head was tucked into Emily's shoulder as she wrapped her hands up in the thick woollen fabric of Emily's jumper seeking security, it was the only thing she found that stopped her fingers from trembling.
"How long has it been?" Her voice low and near inaudible, evidence by the gravelly rasp to her tone.
"What, Paige?"
"What time is it?"
"Twenty-past five"
"Exactly?"
"No... It's eighteen minute past." Emily looked at her phone for the exact time.
"Two hours, eleven minutes." She sighed. "He went into surgery at seven minutes passed three." Paige's voice unwavering.
"Paige, you shouldn't do that." Emily sighed brokenly this time, her heart breaking on hearing the absolute desolation on the other girl's words. Emily had been with Paige through thick and thin, but she had never heard such raw sadness, distance and bleakness on the girl's words. She could only imagine the only other time Paige had experienced such desperation and loss of hope, was after the crash and the other being when Emily decided they needed to break-up.
"I can't help it." Paige voice cracked.
"I know, Pay. How about we go get something to eat or drink?" Emily offered hoping to momentarily distract Paige.
"Unless you have a bottle of strong liquor hidden in your bag. I'm not really feeling up to it." Paige spoke unemotionally.
"Fine. How about finding somewhere more comfortable to sit then. There's actually seats and a bench up beside Spencer." Emily added, Paige didn't reply simply returning a half nod as she briefly curled herself further into Emily hold, just for a second. Emily's body was stiff as she went to stand having to lean against the wall when pins and needles attacked her feet as the blood rushed back into full circulation. She leaned down helping Paige up, Paige hands instantly wrapping around Emily's waist this time combining their bodies into a tight hug.
"Thank you for being here, Em." Her voice quivering all over again, her tears no doubt had already ruined Emily's jumper.
"Paige..." Emily began.
"Don't say anything. Just thank you. Okay." Paige pulled back her hands still resting on the side of Emily's waist, forcing a thankful smile deceived by the childlike fear of the unknown surrounding her father's condition, which was darkening her eyes.
Paige eventually turned to walk back down the corridor, Emily resting a gentle hand onto Paige's lower back for comfort and support more than anything else. Spencer looked up when she saw the two approach, a half smile offered as Paige took a seat next to the thinner girl. No one said anything, and Paige simply rested her head back on Emily shoulder.
"Mom?" Paige sat up in a flash when she noticed her mother walk into view, her eyes roaming over the other woman. It was strange looking at mother now, Paige never really noticed until today her mother's aging skin, chemo from when she had breast cancer was really the biggest contributor to her growing fatigued figure. She was only fifty five and to be fair still looked great for age, but she was definitely aging. The moment a not very welcome reminder of the fragility of life, but she did find hope in thinking that if her mother was strong enough to beat cancer, her father would be able to survive this too.
"I'm okay, sweetheart. Caleb and Toby have been keeping me company." Mrs McCullers approaching her daughter for a moment, the mother knowing in an instant that Paige had been crying. Caressing her daughter's cheeks before placing a kiss to Paige's forehead, Anne took up a seat on Spencer's far side. "That Jacob is a very handsome boy." Mrs McCullers referencing Caleb's son after he showed her some photos of his son, hoping to further distract the woman.
"He is isn't he?" Emily interjected smiling kindly.
"Emily, I'm so glad you're here." She immediately picked up on the way Paige had settled back into Emily's side once she was assured her mother was doing okay.
"Have you heard anything since?" Spencer questioned.
"No... not yet." Caleb worded aloud after Mrs McCullers and Toby shook their heads signalling a no.
"I guess no news is good news." Anne chuckled half-heartedly, finishing with a heavy saddened sigh as she sunk back into her seat. She wasn't as tearful anymore, more so worried and the wait for news was eating her up.
Paige nor Emily were really paying attention to the small talk the other four were making, Paige was staring at her hands that were still shaken, trembling with remnants of adrenaline, itching with fear and restless with worry. Emily entranced as she read Paige's behaviour, she knew the girl was replaying every single moment since her father's collapse, the moment the paramedics had to pull her away from preforming CPR so they could tend to him to the very moment he was rushed behind the double doors of the hospital entrance, blindingly white and coloured only by a sign stating medical personnel only.
Unable to really hold back wanted to end the torture in Paige's mind, Emily grasped Paige's left hand in her right, entangling their fingers as she pulled their entwined hands onto her lap. Paige glanced at the raven-haired girl for a moment, it took her a minute to understand why Emily did what she did.
"They won't stop shaken" Paige whispered, as she let her head rest back on Emily's shoulder.
"I've noticed" Emily laughed lightly as she felt Paige's other free hand grasp onto Emily's right forearm, tightening her hold on their entwined hands.
"Anderson family?" A doctor called out while clutching an iPad fixing his white coat as he approached the waiting area.
A bald man waved, signalling to the doctor where his family were sat.
Paige quickly stood up. "I'm sorry, but when should we expect some news?" all eyes immediately trained in on her.
"Ma'am the doctor working on ummm... the doctor working with your family will give you the news as soon as they get some free time." The young doctor coughed, he didn't even know who Paige was talking about.
"You don't even know which family I am! You don't fucking know who I'm here for!" Paige shouted, the doctors lack of information only angering her more.
"Ma'am, I'm sorry I have other things I need to go over." The doctor apologised sincerely.
"Yeah, you do. Everyone in this place is a pathetic piece of sh..."
"Paige!" Her mother's voice rang out, putting Paige back in her place.
"I'm sorry, I must go Ma'am. A family is waiting on some news." The doctor nodded sympathetically, everyone else was understanding except for Paige who was acting like a petulant child but her frustration and worry were understandable to a point.
"I need to get out of here. Feel like I'm fuckin' suffocating..." Paige sighed irritable, rushing off down the hallway. Caleb and Toby stood to go after her but Emily stopped them.
"Let her go, she needs to process things by herself for a moment. She'll be fine." Emily explained off the cuff, Mrs McCullers looking on, she too was about to stop the two boys from running off after Paige but Emily beat her too it.
"You still know her so well" Anne whispered to Emily, not wanting to disrupt Spencer, Caleb and Toby who had entered their own conversation. Emily half laughing at Mrs McCullers' observations.
"It's hard not too. Paige is like an open book, she can't hide anything. Her emotions always win out in the end and she wears her heart on her sleeve. We both know she is most likely already half-thinking about how to apologise to that doctor and the family she interrupted just now."
"You say that like it's a given, Emily?" Anne began, a flash of confusion crossing Emily's features. "Paige, is pretty easy to read but I think you understand her on a whole other level."
"Well, we did go out for close to three years." Emily responded with a shrug.
"Yes, but so did she and Alex and I've never seen it with them. She and Prudence have a special connection too, but it's still not as refined or connected as it is with you and Paige. I think the only other person who comes close is Caleb. But you two have always had something special." Mrs McCullers smiled kindly this time. Emily swallowing hard, of course she knew she and Paige had something special. Anne's words causing Emily to feel momentarily hurt on hearing the older woman reinforce such a thought. The hurt was only fleeting, Emily making sure so, pushing the pain and devastating fall-out of her relationship with Paige to the back of her mind, it wasn't important right now.
"When I noticed you weren't outside, I said I chance the chapel but you weren't there either. I started to get worried." Emily uttered, Paige jumping momentarily as the girl's voice initially frightened her.
"How did you know to find me here?" Paige responded her glance still firmly fixed through the plexi-glass window.
"I didn't. I thought you'd be halfway through a bottle bourbon at the nearest bar or sat outside a liquor store. I began wandering and it brought me up here." Emily explained as she smiled adoringly catching sight of the newborn babies behind the glass wall.
"Looking at newborn babies seemed like a better idea than getting drunk... or smoking these" Paige held up a still wrapped packet of cigarettes.
"You don't smoke." Emily replied in a tone of disbelief.
"Ah-ha, another thing you don't know about me, Fields. Just like my new reading glasses... you're right, I don't. But I did at one stage." Paige half laughed to herself, neither facing the other as their faces still remained fixed on the newborns.
"In Scotland?" Emily questioned, crumbling her eyebrows together as she tried to imagine Paige smoking.
"No... It was when you left to go to Texas, I got mixed in with the wrong crowd. You know Kaitlyn, Matt, Drew, Serena and Harrison, well I befriended them and it didn't go very well. I started drinking every day, smoking, took some drugs... got into fights. I'm pretty sure Caleb and Toby saved my life one of those days, back then. I wasn't myself. I didn't know who I was anymore." Paige explained not wanting to go into too much detail.
"Wait, how come I don't know about this?"
"Honestly?" Paige turned to look at Emily for a brief second, not knowing if she wanted to continue or not.
"Yeah, I want to know." Emily nodded positively.
"I think you were already gone beyond the point of caring. We had stopped talking for the most part and when we were talking, it was in the form of fighting. I think you had already given up on me." Paige whispered this time, knowing her words would hurt.
Emily didn't respond, biting on the inside of her cheek as she processed what Paige had just told her. As soon as Paige mentioned the timeline, Emily knew deep down why she didn't know about the rough patch. Paige was right, Emily at that stage had gone beyond the point of caring. She bit her at lip now, knowing now really wasn't the time of place for having this kind of conversation, choosing to acknowledge Paige's explanation with a timid nod and hoping the silence would bring about a natural end to the topic.
"I guess I came here because my dad told me he use to visit the nursery when we were in the hospital, and then again when my Mom went through chemo. He said it reminded him of me, when I was a baby... or to quote the man himself "Before I had learned to answer back, or give cheek."" Paige chuckled at the memory. "I don't think it works for me, though. Babies kinda terrify me."
"Now, that is one thing I know about you, McCullers." Emily added smiling coyly.
"You do?"
"What you didn't think I noticed just how badly you were trying to cover up the fear and absolute terror hidden in your brown eyes anytime I mentioned having a family with you in the future. I know the idea absolutely petrified you, Paige. You still played it off like it didn't... so thank you for that." Emily smiled thankfully, poking Paige in the side with her finger as she saw crimson begin to appear on the other girl's features.
"I can't believe you knew that all along" Paige blushed embarrassed. "They're just so tiny and helpless... and breakable. I'm clumsy and awkward. I mean I can barely look after myself let alone a little blob of neediness, who is 100% dependable on me." Paige's choice of wording only encouraging Emily's laughter.
"I guess it's a good thing your super gay, so. There's no chance of you ending up with 'a little blob of neediness' until you're ready." Emily joked, Paige laughing now too.
"I mean there cute and all, and you can't help but feel hopeful and optimistic knowing how this tiny human has so many wonderful things to experience yet, so many firsts still ahead to explore. They still have a sense of wonderment about the world, they haven't become darkened or cynical by the 'realness' of it all, and that's kind of beautiful. I think that's why I enjoy doing illustrations and artwork for children, they have an honest appreciation for the simplicity of things. As adults we are way too caught up in looking for answers, reasons, explanations it kinda takes away from just appreciating something at face value. You know?"
"Okay, you can add that to another thing I didn't know about you, McCullers. Your way with words. That was so beautifully said." Emily was blown away by everything Paige had just said, awestruck in a way, and it all seemed to come from nowhere. Paige always had her moments with words, but usually she was just a fumbling mess as she had mentioned just moments ago. Her graceful side came out when she was in the pool, doing some kind of sport or drawing. Emily wrapped in such admiration, respect and wonder would have kissed Paige in that very moment, a kiss full of passion and irreverence, longing and want, but knowing their boundaries and the situation they were currently in, Emily held back. "But for what it's worth I think you'll be a wonderful mother one day, Paige." Emily offered genuinely, playfully nudging the brunette shoulder. Paige couldn't help but release a breathy laugh as her head dipped to the floor, her burning cheeks becoming too much.
"Come on Shakespeare, let's head back and see if we can scare anymore doctors into giving us some news." Emily nudged the other girl once more. Paige simply nodding a half smile this time, she had enjoyed the light-heartedness with Emily, but the simple reminder as to why she was in the hospital in the first place began to wear on her once again.
"McCullers Family!" This time a woman doctor approached the group, Paige in an instant grabbed a hold of her mother and Emily's hand. They had been sat there for close to seven hours, desperately wishing on some news but in that moment it all seemed to come too soon. This was it. Mrs McCullers strained a swallow as she forced back tears once again, she seemed to be holding up okay the past few hours but the way her face just paled, signified just how worried sick she was. A blank expression torn its way across Paige's face, her heart thumping so loudly in her chest she was sure those around her could hear it's deafening call.
"That's us." Caleb spoke up, waving over the doctor.
The doctor's expression remained blank as she approached the small group.
"If you'd like to follow me into the family room that would be great." The doctor spoke once again, her tone remaining steady not giving away anything. Everyone stood, Paige's mother interlinked her arm with Paige afraid her feet just might deceive her, while Paige's other hand remained tightly clutching to Emily's, almost unbeknownst to herself. Her hold maybe a little too tight but Emily didn't seem to mind.
"I'm sorry it has to be family members only." The doctor informed, her voice offering more sympathy this time. Anne remained unmoved so caught up in the moment she didn't even take notice of the doctor's instructions.
"Uhhh o-okay..." Paige mumbled, looking at each one of her friends. Caleb walked over to give her hug before walking back to his seat, Spencer did the same with Toby simply offering a kind smile, before her eyes fell onto Emily. Her glance only now noticing their attached hands. She pulled away slowly, meeting Emily's eye-line which only seemed to say 'sorry' but radiated comfort, encouragement and strength. Emily then turned to walk back to her seat now too.
"Oh sorry, excuse me I should clarify. Partners, with your permission of course, are allowed in the family room." The doctor smiled looking between Emily and Paige
"We're not..." The two girls responded in unison. Paige swallowed hard before explaining, "Ummm... We're not together."
"Oh sorry. My mistake. I do apologise. If you and your mother would just like to follow me then." The doctor began initially puzzled having placed the two women as partners, but quickly brushed it off as she stepped inside the small room that had been put together specifically for it's purpose. Two couches, one armchair, a small coffee table decorated with old magazines and a large box of tissues, a table in the corner, some generic paintings on the wall, a water cooler, a fake bunch of ornate flowers on a console table in front of the blinded windows, it was supposed to make you feel comfortable instead it felt like sitting in some show room, or a television set, nothing about it felt comforting or safe or even 'family' orientated. Paige's mind thinking of the numbers of families who had sat on these very couches before her, some getting the best news in the world, others having their lives fall to pieces then and there.
The doctor pulled the blinds, blocking out the outside bee-hive like nature of the hospital's corridors. Sitting down she pulled up a file on her tablet. Coughing to clear her throat before she began, the doctor introduced herself as Dr. Conrad, a specialised cardio surgeon who had taken Nick's case.
"You can stop worrying, your husband did great. He's recovering in the ICU right now." The doctor's tone suddenly changed, she seemed more at ease now. It took a moment for the news to fully hit the mother and daughter sat there, motionless in a moment's in-coherence. Anne was the first to break, tears pouring from her eyes as she released a tensed sigh of relief. Paige then released a breath she hadn't realised she was holding, tears seeping from her own eyes now too as she fell into her mother's warm embrace.
"Okay so that's the good news, I have yet to explain the technical stuff. My team and I, we had to perform a triple bypass which in english basically means we re-directed the flow of blood in his heart taken veins from his legs, luckily enough we had no problem finding good veins and he responded well very quickly. Looking back on his medical history, he seems to be a relatively fit man, but it's his high blood pressure that is a cause for concern. Also after some digging we found that there is family history especially along the male side of Nick's family, with heart problems. Nick will need to update his diet but we can put you in touch with some specialised nutritionist about that. Lowering his stress levels should also help immensely but we can talk about that with your husband once he's in a bit better form. Aside from that he will need to visit the doctor regularly, and take Aspirin tablets daily to counter-act the high blood pressure. But I remain incredibly hopeful that he will make a full recovery, and will live a very long life. He's lucky he has a daughter who knows CPR, it's time that is most often the killer and you were there at just the right time. You're the reason he had such a great chance once he got here and onto my surgical table." The doctor explained, Anne pulling Paige into another tight hug, the two nodded almost systematically as they were taken in what the doctor had to say.
"Okay, so now I just need some signatures and follow up on some details and then you should be good to see him." Dr. Conrad finished standing up heading over to the table in the corner where it would be easier to complete the paperwork.
"Paige, sweetheart. How about you go tell the others the news, and I'll finish up with the doctor in here." Anne offered, Paige simply nodding again. It was taken a while for the news of her father being okay to settle in, she felt like she was dreaming. Her body on autopilot.
Paige exited the room. Spencer, Caleb and Toby instantly stood up. Caleb grabbing her in a tight hug before even knowing what she had been told. "He's okay... he's alive" even her voice sounded foreign, the sound of happiness circulating around, hearing the relieved sighs of Caleb, Spencer and Toby. Stepping out of the taller guy's hold, she saw Emily still sat down her head hung low, eyes closed, hands clasped together. Was she praying?
Paige approached gently touching Emily's shoulder disturbing her briefly. Emily standing up straight as soon as she noticed Paige was out of the family room.
"He's okay." Paige uttered once more, her words sounding more real this time as she felt Emily wrap her arms around her. "He's okay" She spoke again, tears streaming now as the realisation finally hit. "He's okay." She sobbed into Emily's chest. Emily spoke no words simply holding the girl, wanting nothing more than to just be there for her. "He's okay."
After a few moments the doctor and Paige's mother exited the small family room, the two approaching the group. Paige was still firmly wrapped up in Emily's hold, until the slightly taller girl pulled away to acknowledge Mrs McCullers and the good news, she reached forward grabbing a hold of the older woman's hand, the two sharing a smile that spoke more than words could.
"Now, Mr McCullers is still in the ICU but he was stirring awake when I left to come talk with you. The nurses were helping him, filling him in what had happened but he should be bright enough now to have to some visitors." The doctor explained.
The doctor began talking with Anne once more, as they headed off down the corridor in the direction of the ICU. Paige went to follow them but when she felt the loss of contact with Emily she stopped and turned back around.
"Em?" Paige whispered brokenly only able to force out the single word, but Emily knew instantly what she needed. The raven haired girl stood forward entwining her hand within Paige's, she saw the pure raw fear behind Paige's reddened eyes, glassy with tears and terror. She looked exhausted and emotionally strained, panic and anxiety shooting uneasy levels of adrenaline racing through the paler girl's veins. Their eyes meeting, a detailed conversation in the briefest of moments. A signed pact spoken in silence that Paige needed Emily with her in this moment, Emily agreeing without having to think about it. The hand hold tightening as Emily moved forward first, the trek down the clinical, whitewashed and stuffy hallway didn't seem so terrifying now that her hand was held safely in the confines of Emily's.
They didn't have to walk very far at all, when the doctor pointed to the room after only walking for about thirty seconds it kind of took Paige a minute to compose herself. The whole day was a blur, her heart was pumping loudly the sound near to blocking out all external noises, her hands trembling once again as images of her father's collapse played havoc in her mind. Her breathing began to grow harsh. She was balancing dangerously on the verge of a panic attack, Emily saw it coming too. Turning to the distressed girl grabbing her hands placing it over her heart. "Paige, it's okay. Just breathe" whispering gently as she did so. Paige felt the slightest sense of ease wash over her as she timed her breathing to the soothing beat of Emily's heart beneath her fingers, she was okay. It would be okay, it took her a minute to steady her breath, but she was ready.
Anne had already entered the room, the first thing drawing Paige in was the numerous machines and the almost magical rhythmic beeping of the machine to her father's left. She remained stood towards the back of the room, allowing her father and mother a moment together.
"Paigey?" Her father's voice was weak but still held the authoritative tone it always had, he hadn't called her that since she was eight and in a strange way it offered a sense of reassurance. She could finally believe that her father was okay. "Get over here, Kiddo."
Paige ran to his side like a young child running to their parent's open arms after a long day at school, craving some of that parental love. "Daddy" a choked up mumble as she too fell into her father's hold. The scene enough to bring a glistening shine to Emily's eyes as she fought to hold back tears. Feeling almost like an intruder, Emily moved to exit the room happy to take a seat outside so she could be there when Anne or Paige needed anything. But her movement caught Nick's eye-line first.
"Emily Fields, don't you dare move a muscle." The harshness to his tone was fear inducing, Emily felt like that seventeen year old girl going over to Paige's house for the first time ever, back when Nick was not so accepting of Paige's relationship, all over again. The stern tone to his voice causing even Paige to move back a little trying to understand the situation. Anne, of course knew better. "What exactly brings you to the hospital?"
"Umm... I well." Emily stuttered nervously.
"Well come on, spit out it?" Nick cajoled once again.
"Well sir, as soon as I heard the news I knew Paige would be devastated. Anne too. I guess I just wanted to be there if they needed anything. I wanted to be here for Paige." Emily blushed shyly, unable to look at Paige when she was speaking.
"But you and Paige aren't together." Nick continued his facial expression not once breaking.
"No sir. But dating or not, your daughter means the world to world. She always will, whether we're in a relationship or not. I wanted to be here for Paige, because I know if I was in her position on the brink of losing my father or anyone for that matter, she'd be right there with me, holding my hand too..." Emily spoke with more confidence this time, a strong and honest belief in her words. A blush heating up Paige's cheek going unnoticed by Emily as she held eye contact with Nick.
"I was only joking earlier. Just given you a hard time, kid. But thank you for saying that, Emily. I haven't been the greatest supporter of Paige's sexuality, I hope I'm at least a little better these past few years. Honestly, one of the things that always wore on my mind was who was going to look after my little girl when her mother and I were gone. I didn't think a woman was good enough, that's just the old-fashioned, hard-headed beliefs knotted into this old brain of mine, but just now you allowed me to see I have no reason to worry. She has you, and as you said together or not, you have each other and I have no stronger belief than I do in your ability to keep my Paige safe. Thank you for being here, Emily." Nick continued, Paige a little astonished by her father's kind words knowing his willingness to speak his feelings was probably encouraged by the hearty concoction of drugs in his system. Paige lying down next to her father, wrapping an arm across his stomach while taking ease in the sound of his strong heartbeat.
"But you know, I always did think you'd make a great daughter-in-law, one day." Nick spoke off again cheerily, adding a playful wink.
"Daaaad." Paige blushed like an embarrassed teenager, Emily simply brushing off the comment. Of course she'd love to call Paige her wife one day, but she was leaving anything regarding a possible future relationship firmly in the hands of Paige. She didn't feel comfortable making that decision anymore.
It was the first night staying at home after the incident and Paige was exhausted, it was approaching ten o clock at night and all she wanted to do was curl up in bed. She had decided to stay at the hospital last night with her mom and dad, finding a hard chair to catch a few uncomfortable hours of sleep, unfortunately she was paying for it now. Anne opted to spend another night at the hospital with Nick, much to Paige's dismay who wanted to book her into the near-by hotel but she too could be stubborn when she wanted to be. Paige jumped into the shower, letting the hot water sooth over her aching body, the hospital chair had resulted in achy and sore muscles and joints, her emotions catching up on her, she felt so tired and spread so thin she felt on the verge of collapse. She didn't know if she wanted to scream until her lungs gave up or roll up in the foetal position and never move again. Moving to lie against the cool tiles of the shower wall, an intoxicating contrast of hot and cold from the water and tiles as she cried. Sobbed, until her eyes burned red and her throat grew scratchy and sore from her harsh, ragged breathing. She composed herself before getting out. Drying herself off, she was tempting to ring Emily, wanting so desperately to ask her to come over. She wanted someone here with her.
She needed someone here with her.
She needed Emily.
She also contemplated the idea of just showing up at Caleb and Hanna's apartment knowing they'd be more than willing to accommodate her for the night, it also helped knowing Emily would be there too. She was hungry, starving in fact, but nothing in her apartment seemed appetising everything turning her stomach. She picked up her phone again wanting to make that call, but forced the idea out of her head. She lay back down into her bed turning on her laptop trying to distract herself, instead she found herself typing out a message to Emily asking her to come over, deleting it before she had the courage to actually click send. She was being pathetic, at least that's what she thought, resigning herself to another restless night, sighing heavily as a few more teardrops seeped from her eyes rolling over her temples and down into the pillow, as she stared upward expressionless. Her whole body jerking when she heard a knock at the door, ignoring it hoping whoever it was, would just go away. Only the knocking got louder and more persistent, it scared her almost.
Dragging herself to the entranceway she padded down the few steps to the door, sliding it open. Her own heart near stopping when she saw the person on the other side.
"Em?" Her voice came across lower than anticipated.
"I figured you would be too hard headed to call, so I chanced my luck with just showing up." Emily explained. "I brought some soup and rolls."
Paige didn't say anything she just fell forward wrapping her arms around Emily pulling the raven haired girl into a tight embrace. After a moment of just standing there, wrapped up in the other, they both walked into the apartment.
Emily insisted Paige took a back seat as she re-heated the soup, and began preparing the light snack to hold Paige's empty stomach over for the night. Paige remained quiet, watching Emily as she moved with a feminine fluidity around the kitchen, it was a welcome distraction.
The two ate in silence, an old episode of Friends playing on Paige's laptop meant neither of them felt awkward or like the silence was eating them up inside. Emily fought with Paige over the clean-up too, eventually convincing the girl to go get cleaned up and get ready for bed and just try and let herself relax. Emily couldn't help but notice the uneasy tension knotted into Paige's posture given more depth and orchestrated by the dark circles under her eyes, a stark contrast with the girl's natural pale façade.
Emily quickly changed too once she heard Paige finishing up in the bathroom. As the girl exited, she still looked tired, exhausted even as she trudged slowly from the bathroom to the bed set-up she had established in the middle of her apartment near where Emily was sat on the small couch. Her semi-dry hair was pulled up into a top-knot, Paige looked at Emily briefly. A half smile was shared, Paige simply grateful for Emily's presence. They hadn't spoken much, it was just the fact they were both there together that offered all the comfort that was sought out.
Paige lay down onto the bed, curling the thick comforter around her body trying to retain the warmth her shower and the chicken soup had so kindly offered. A few seconds later she felt Emily move in beside her, one last single tear running from her eye falling into the pillow beneath her head, her back remained turned to Emily afraid of showing her this weakness seeping from within her.
"Em, will you just hold me" Paige finally spoke, her voice trembled through the darkness of the room, she had barely finished her words when she felt Emily turn carefully and wrap her arms around Paige's waist, pulling herself closer to the other girl.
"Of course." She whispered comfortingly. "Just sleep, Paige. Just sleep"
Paige was still out of sorts over the coming week, saying goodbye to her father as he requested a move back to Philly, was hard. His reasoning being Anne could be back home, and start getting back to normal life as he continued recovery in hospital where he was expected to stay for another few precautionary days. Every day she had visited him while he remained in New York, choosing to take a few weeks off of work to be there for both her parents. Nick was handling the aftermath of his surgery relatively well, he was a little sleepier as of late but the doctors put it down to his body re-adjusting to the heart surgery and medication. As moods went he was okay, remaining calm, cool and stress-free but that was already something Nick McCullers had to face a few years back. The moment coming with the realisation that his harsh treatment of his daughter was wrong, he pushed her too hard in her teen years and then wasn't there when she needed him the most. The crash was the moment he realised he needed to let up, that his daughter's happiness should have been his greatest concern all along, not what the church thinks or what society thinks. He slowly began to understand that it was okay not to be the best at everything, the stark awakening hitting him the most the day he received the heart-breaking phone-call about his daughter and her girlfriend who were fighting for their lives after being in a death-defying car accident.
Paige was still unsure of what she felt about the whole event. She struggled mostly at night, often waking up in a panic as moments of her father collapse replayed in her mind. Re-assurance came only when she realised Emily was there, always there holding her. She talked to her therapist about it, he suggested it was a trigger for her PTSD from the crash that was causing her to struggle so severely, a reminder of what she couldn't do for Emily when she saw Emily's heart stop beaten in front of her own eyes. The two still never talked about that aspect of the crash and that was probably the problem. Emily was gone most mornings when Paige awoke, a simple reminder of her presence left in the form of a ready-made warm pot of coffee and a simple note saying 'see you later'. They didn't see each during the day Emily busy with work, Paige busy visiting her father or being distracted by Caleb or Toby who found ways to keep her entertained and not get too sucked into her own mind.
Emily had a reason for her distance, seeing Paige so vulnerable was heart-breaking and all she could do was be there for her. Spencer and Hanna would see their growing connection, warning Emily of the consequence that someone would no doubt end up hurt once again. Emily constantly shrugged it off that it wasn't like that for her anymore, but it was, so she forced distance upon them pushing herself into her work and only being there for the Paige at night, when she cried, woke up in terrors, or simply just needed someone to be there for her.
The two were sitting down eating Chinese take-out when Emily decided to broach the subject of something that she's been wondering for a while now.
"Paige?" Emily began disturbing Paige who was wrapped up in a book.
"Ummhmm." Paige remained unmoved as she continued reading.
"If the question makes you feel uncomfortable you don't have to answer it." Emily spat out in one long breathed sentence.
"You can ask me."
"How did you know CPR? You missed the training day in Stanford, you were sick with food poisoning." This time her question caused Paige to look at her. The look on the girl's face causing her to re-consider "Wait, nevermind. It's a stupid question anyway."
"No. No it's not. I learned in Scotland, it was actually Alex's idea. You know if you have a fear of flying they tell you take flying lessons or read up and learn everything there is to know about commercial airliners and pilots, etc." Paige began swallowing hard, she knew they'd have to talk about this kind of thing sooner or later.
"Yeah, I guess." Emily looked on a little confused as to where Paige was going with this.
"Well Alex thought if I took a first aid class, I would be able to cope... with my panic attacks, and nightmares and flashbacks."
"Wait, I'm confused."
"Okay, you know about my panic attacks, and PTSD after the crash, right."
"Yeah, but only recently." Emily hung her head ashamed of her response.
"Well it was spurred on by..." Paige hesitated for a moment, wiping at her tear stained eyes. "You died that day, Emily. If your heart stopped beating a few minutes before the emergency team got there, you wouldn't be here. I wouldn't know what to do. It scared me so much. In fact it was that, that terrified me the most. A life without you in it, didn't seem liveable. " She continued, a look of distressed shock registered on Emily's features. She knew Paige had struggled with that a little, but Emily being so caught up in herself after the accident, she failed to see how much something like that would affect someone else. She felt physically sick, she has known of such loss too many times for a women of her age, she knows what it feels like being at the hands of someone else's death. In a way the lighthouse moment had a lot of similarities to the accident, but yet they shared such stark differences. They both had to make an instant, life-changing decision that determined a life or death end result. The only thing was Paige loved her, she was Paige's everything, whereas with Nate it was a result of self-defence. He had killed Maya not that, that made killing him any easier or anymore just, but there was no way she could equate those two outcomes. Paige was losing her everything, where Emily was just losing a person who took away someone she loved dearly, someone who she once considered her everything. The bile in her stomach churning violently as things began to make sense in her mind, she always knew what she had put Paige through on top of the things Paige was already struggling with, was vicious, cruel even, but this made her feel worse. So much worse.
"Paige..." Emily tried to interrupt but Paige stopped her, turning to face the bronzed girl her legs crossed as the two sat facing one and other on the floor.
"Emily, I'm so sorry for everything that happened that night. It was all my fault. I should have done something differently." Paige continued, her voice was shaky and weak. Her bottom lips trembling as she forced back tears, pulling her sleeve up around her hand to wipe away the water streams decorating her cheeks. Emily was struck by a deepened level of disbelief, although she admired Paige's tenacity and was truly humbled by the girl's sense of honest humility, she needed this to stop. The undertones of self-hatred, self-loathing, guilt and heartbroken sadness was ripping her apart. Seeing Paige drowning in the mind-set that she was to blame, a mind-set that Emily helped to inflict on her was painfully crushing and heart-wrenching.
Maybe it wasn't her place to do anything, maybe Paige really did deserve better, but she was responsible for making this mess so much worse she should at least try and fix it. Emily wanted Paige to know the cards were in her hand, she was in control. Completely and utterly in control. The only way she could do this was by exposing herself, revealing her thought-process when she felt like her life was crumbling grain by grain like a handful of dry sand seeping past a finger's hold. Emily never revealed such a burden to Paige, hiding it, always carrying it with her, as if she too was prolonging the inevitabilities of their shared past. Maybe it was selfish, but after experiencing such a stark loss of emotion, feeling and a growing sense of depression, holding onto something that inflicted some kind of feeling, any kind of emotion even though it wasn't at all positive, meant she had something. She had something more than a void full of nothingness, a darkened emptiness. It was something. She never did blame Paige. Never for one second. But convincing the other girl of this would be the challenge.
Emily inched forward ever so slightly, allowing one hand to so carefully raise Paige's head slightly. Their eyes met, staring intently. Pain, understanding and sorrow shadowing the two pairs of swirling brown. No words were spoken, a simply truce between the two for the moment until Paige looked away once more, warm, wet and stinging tears appearing.
"Paige, look at me." Emily, this time placing her two hands on either side of the crying girl's cheeks, tears that were swelling raindrops of a painful past mirrored on her face now too, but going unnoticed as she focused solely on the girl before her. "Paige, I made you feel like you were to blame. You weren't. I never truly believed that. I was in pain, both physically and mentally, I became a person I didn't even recognise. But that's no excuse for my behaviour. I was vicious and cruel, and yet you stood by my side. Honesty, I hated you for that. You deserved better than me. I didn't deserve your love, your kindness, your loyalty. I wanted you to hate me too. But you didn't. You couldn't because all your hate was directed at yourself, I played with that, like some sick puppeteer. It all became too easy. It began to feed the pain within me, I didn't want to burden you with my pathetic injuries, with a girlfriend who may never walk properly again, a girlfriend expected to live a life on the risk of chronic pain. I knew the only way you'd hate me was if I broke your heart. So I took advantage of that. I was voiding myself of the one good thing left in my life, because I was so afraid I would eventually lose you too. What I never considered though, was what I was voiding you of. I took away your power, your will to do anything about it... and for that I'm so sorry. But please Paige just know, none of what happened that day was your fault. You saved me, you saved us and I don't think I will ever be able to express how much that means.
Paige was blown away by what Emily had to say, her whole being shocked into silence. In a way she always knew Emily never truly blamed her, but believing Emily did blame her was easier than facing her own petrifying reality, which meant she had to confront her own guilt and her own sense of blame. Without much thought, she moved forward her own hand caressing Emily's cheek, her thumb coming into contact with a lukewarm tear breaking the seal of it's perfect bead formation. Their eyes met, a new look mirrored in the two. They had never had this conversation, and now there was a sense of easiness, peace and even tranquillity. It wasn't as if the pain of the last five years had suddenly disappeared, but something was a new and different. An unseen barrier like two magnets trying so desperately to come together but cannot because they are misaligned, bent out of shape or uncoordinated, but their magnetic force field was suddenly re-figured and moved in a way that a barrier, a miscommunication no longer existed. Their eyes reading, taking in and imagining the other's features until Paige moved even closer. Her lips ghosting over Emily's, their warm breath entwining before anything else. Closing the gap, Paige captured Emily's quivering lips within her own. The taste of salty tears, mixed together with the familiar taste of the other coming together like a rehearsed dance of life-long partners.
The kiss didn't mean anything more than just being there wholly for the other person. They conveyed in lips moving together what words could no longer say. They needed the further connection and the tender embrace provided them with such. It wasn't about lust, love or sensuality, simply connection and an unspoken bind, a promise between the two that would only be lost in the vastness and incoherencies of translation and spoken word.
Once the kiss had broken apart, silence still hung true the two sat there soaking up this new atmosphere. It was just them, nothing else mattered but being there in that moment.
Conversation eventually ensued again, unsure of whether or not she should spend the night. Emily moved to get ready to leave. It wasn't until Paige grasped at her shirt as she moved to sit up. "Please stay?" Her words uttered almost bashfully, followed by a drowsy yawn.
A smile appearing on Emily's face, as she nodded a whispering of words, "Of course."
She headed into Paige's bathroom, looking in the mirror momentarily replayed the events, moments and conversations they had shared, etched into her face through her tired expression, red puffy eyes and a motion of red lip stick stained from the outline of her lips after her tender kiss with Paige. Washing her face, she pulled her hair up into a bun, brushing her teeth a lopsided grin appearing on her face, she never imagined she and Paige could overcome that single aspect of their past. But they did. They did and she never felt so relieved in her life, shaken her head out of almost hysterical disbelief, Emily finished up getting ready for bed. That same grin licked to her face as she exited the bathroom.
The smile only disappearing when she noticed Paige had already fallen asleep, she must have begun reading before completely surrendering to the exhausting emotional roller coaster that was their day. Her reading glasses still balancing on the bridge of her nose, a book clutched close to her chest. Emily wished she could picture this moment for the rest of eternity. A swelling of love in her heart as she sighed fondly, a wanting growing within her as she wished she could have this feeling every day for the rest of her life.
She tip-toed forward, gently removing the book from Paige's hold, before tentatively removing the reading glasses. Pushing the hair back out of Paige's face after she disturbed it whilst taken the glasses. Emily leaned down placing the softest of kisses to Paige's forehead. The action stirring Paige a little, as she turned slightly and murmured a string of nonsense.
Emily then treaded around the bed to climb in the far side, although this time her movement must have stirred Paige a little more, as within a minute of her getting under the blankets she felt Paige's hand reach out for Emily's before pulling it protectively around her waist. It wasn't an unusual action, this was the wave the two had fallen asleep together, ever since Paige asked Emily to hold her that very first night.
Emily yawned, lying tiresomely against the apartment door as she fought through the tiredness as she spent her night studying for her boards at the NYU university library. She had lost some time lately choosing to spend her nights with Paige, and during the day she was busy at the hospital, as a result she had falling behind her study. Her mind was buzzing with medical information, itching for sleep to ease the fluttering of what she had taken in. Looking at the clock she read 6:30am, walking into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and a cold slice of leftover pizza. She didn't really care about the consequences of eating unhealthy food before bed, really just seeking out something to hold her stomach over until she had enough energy to make something a little more substantial.
"Good morning." A chirpy voice called out, scaring Emily half to death.
"Fuckin' hell, you scared me." Emily shot back. "What are you doing up so early?"
"I'm working. It's so busy at the office lately, it's the only time I have enough peace and quiet to draw. Everyone's still sound asleep here too. Better question, who kept you up this late? Been a while since Emily Fields did the walk of shame." Hanna winked playfully, teasing her friend.
"I was at the library, I just needed to catch up on some study and that required pulling an all-nighter." Emily yawned again, her eyes weighing heavier and heavier.
"Sure, yeah. Is that your best excuse?" Hanna continued teasing.
"I'm not lying, Han! Why would I?" Emily shot back irritably, taken off her jacket and throwing it onto the counter.
"I know. Chill sleepyhead, Caleb told me where you were. I'm just being annoying which is extra fun when you're so tired."
"Ugh, I'm going to bed." Emily rolled her eyes at her friend.
"May it be the best sleep, ever? Maybe it won't be best sleep ever, that usually requires sex either before or after... but who knows, maybe? Actually never mind, sex or no sex I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy your sleep either way." Hanna posed earning a bemused look from her best friend.
"I don't know if it's because I'm so tired and I'm delusional, or you're just extra weird in the morning?" Emily responded out of her growing confusion.
"Goodnight, Em." Hanna winked once more, Emily just throwing up a weak arm, waving her off as she trudged her weak body towards her room. She was quickly enveloped in darkness as she walked into the room, yawning once more as if her body knew just how close it was to obtaining some sleep. She pulled off her clothes and shoes, not overly bothered to find her bed clothes she decided on sleeping in just her underwear. She would have stripped completely, only living in a house with a curious four-year old who didn't understand boundaries and having no lock on her door, it was probably best to be partially covered.
She climbed under her covers grateful for the warmth found there, turning over to get more comfortable her heart stopped, sitting up dead straight as she felt another body in the bed next to her. Screaming out of initial fear, the other body sat up in flash screaming now too.
"What's wrong?! What's wrong?!" The panicked voice rasped.
"Oh, it's just you..." Emily spoke through bated breath, her hand falling to Paige's arm as soon as she recognised the voice.
"Em, are you okay?! You scared me." Paige's voice was still heavy with sleep as she squinted her eyes trying to make out the girl in front of her but failing given the darkness of the room.
"I'm sorry I scared you. Everything's fine... actually Hanna might not be, later on." Emily soothed her hand the length of Paige's arm trying to offer some comfort. Emily deliberately speaking the second half of her statement louder only to hear the faintest sound of laughter echoing from the room outside.
"I'm so confused." Paige lay back down in the bed, wrapping the blanket back around her.
"Hanna didn't tell me there was someone else sleeping in my bed, that's all." Emily half-laughed rubbing at her tired eyes as she too lay back down into the bed once more, moving towards Paige as she naturally sought out the warmth the other girl's body exuded.
"Sorry, I thought she would have told you. I missed you and I know we need space to properly process things, but it was hard not having you there. It's pathetic, I know. I came over here only to be told you were out studying, Hanna said I may as well spend the night and told me I could sleep in here because you wouldn't be back." Paige rattled off, sleep still very much evident on her tone, as she lay there speaking with her eyes closed.
"It's not pathetic, at all. It's not often I get to come home to a beautiful girl asleep in my bed. So as scares go, it wasn't the worst." Usually Emily was the one to hold Paige, instead Paige turned to face her a drowsy smile on her face going unnoticed by Emily as it was caught up in the shadows of the still dark night. The two now face to face as their bodies instinctively moved closer.
"Goodnight, Paige." Emily leaned forward capturing Paige's soft bottom lip within her own, not really thinking about what she was doing, the movement just seemed innate, a natural progression of their recent growing bond. A realisation of her actions came only when she felt the brief kiss was reciprocated.
"Goodnight, Em." Paige whispered the second their lips parted. The kiss now a fleeting memory, leaving the two contented, a simple representation of the way they had been there for each other these past few weeks. Paige fortified, emboldened and encouraged by the way Emily seemed to be everything she needed over the past three weeks, and yet sought nothing in return. Paige felt an ease begin to chip away at her fears that maybe she'd lose Emily all over again. That maybe Emily would give up on her, but that didn't seem to be the case. A sense of growing hope that maybe they could recapture what they once had, a chance to evoke and reinvigorate the type of relationship they had five years ago, before it was so unfortunately stolen away from them.
In hindsight, she had come to know all these thoughts and feelings the moment Emily said what she did, to Nick that day in the hospital. The realisation that Emily was giving her the agency, the power, the freedom to decide where they stood in each other's lives, was so incredibly moving it made the beat of her heart pick up, tenfold.
The idea still terrified her of course, but she knew in this moment -almost simplistically so, that she wanted and needed Emily Fields in her life. A growing feeling she hadn't felt in years was amplifying, an innate reassurance within her that Emily would always be there. A thought that drifted painfully from her, the moment she lost the other girl five years ago. Ultimately establishing a deeply broken and lost sense of trust. But now, it began to instil the slightest sense of warmth, security and even evoke fragments of a once lost love. They both still had so much to overcome, but the haze was slowly clarifying, the problems no longer seemed so perilous, so treacherous. Maybe it wouldn't work out this time either, but unlike the brief fling of unkempt passion, explosive tension and grievous frustration this time was different. They were no longer trying to force themselves back together or trying to forget about the past with the hope it didn't matter anymore, because it did. Instead this time they weren't even trying, and without even realising they slowly drifted back to the other. Always anchored to the other in some way. It all just seemed to happen when neither were looking.
The movement of Emily turning around in the bed pulled Paige back into reality. On instinct she allowed her strong arms to wrap protectively around the silk of Emily's semi-naked body, the palm of her hand splaying warmly across Emily's abs as they both fell deeply into the world of sleep.
Once Emily awoke, she turned hoping to find Paige still asleep next to her, instead she found an empty bed. Her heart initially pummelled in her chest until she realised the time, it was 3:30pm. The fact that Paige had gotten up was no surprise, a reddening blush seeping into her cheeks as she remembered the kissed she had shared with the other girl saying goodnight. Emily allowing her body to sink further into the mattress hoping it would soak up some of her embarrassment.
Trying to block the thoughts out of her head she sat up to look at her phone. She had a couple of text messages, which she quickly responded to. It took her a few moments to realise there was a small folded piece of paper with her named written on it on the far bedside table. Emily looked on curiously, her heart picking up speed once again, fearing this was Paige's way of telling her she needed distance or the closeness they had re-captured over the past few weeks needed to end.
Taking a deep breath it took Emily a moment to build up the courage to unfold the piece of paper. Her nerves and fear unassured as she saw the length of the letter, not knowing whether that was a good or a bad thing. Her eyes initially admiring the intrinsicality of Paige's handwriting, refusing herself the knowledge of knowing what the words actually meant out of fear that she had pushed Paige too far once again, afraid she had scared her away. One final breath in the hope of calming her shaking hands and she began reading.
Emily,
Goodmorning, or I suspect it's now late afternoon... so good afternoon. Wait, why did I have to make it sound so formal?
Wait scratch all that. I'll start again. Less formally, of course.
Em, hi!
Can you tell just how nervous I am writing this? I don't know if it's the fact I only have one piece of paper to go off, or if it's the fact you lying next to me curled securely into my side. A contented smile on your beautiful sleeping face and I've never felt so unsure of everything in my life as I do now. Knowing the fact you are also only in your underwear makes me nervous too... wait, does that make me sound like a creep? Crap, I'm not doing a very good job at this, am I?
Anyway, I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being there for me over the past three weeks when everything happened with Dad. Thank you for saying those things about the accident, it was so freeing in a way to get to talk about that with you. It still haunts me, as I am sure it does for you too. I understand that now, but it's getting better. You didn't have to stay by side this past while, but you did. You held back when I needed distance, held me when I broke down in tears at night and been there for me when I was too stubborn to ask for help. So thank You, Em.
I guess you wondering where this is all going... this is the part that makes me the most nervous. I asked you to move on, I made you promise me you would try. But I think I regret making you make that promise, Em. I realised something (And maybe it really is just down to the fact you're half-naked beside me, right now... Wait, maybe I am a creep?), I think I want us to try again. Of course, it still terrifies the hell outta me and maybe you've already met someone and I'm too late in writing this, but I feel like things are different this time. I know you would uphold your promise to me till the end of time, but I want you to break it. I want us to give things one last try.
But if we're going to do this, we have to take things slow.
[Slight side-note] Okay, If you could just see me right now I think you would be laughing so hard. Paranoia is setting in and every little flinch you make I'm terrified you're going to wake up and I'll end up making up a weird excuse as to what I'm doing and these words will never get said. My heart is racing, and I'm sweating so much it's probably unhealthy (... That didn't turn you off, too much, did it?)
Anyway, if you decide that those promises we made are a load of bullshit. (Or at least the promise you made to me is. You were right about me needing to seek help.) Meet me at Benny's Bar tonight at 8:30pm, it's pretty rustic but they serve some of the best food in New York and the local Jazz band is playing tonight. I think you'll enjoy it... if you decide to show up, that is.
Taking things slow means unfortunately and reluctantly I'll have to woman the hell up and get use to sleeping in my own bed once again. Anyway if you show up, we can discuss things further (there I go sounding all formal again).
Just please show up.
P. X
P.S If you decide against showing up, can we pretend like this whole letter thing never happened? It would save me a whole lot of embarrassment and wishing for the world to swallow me up whole. Thanks.
Emily releasing a tense sight after reading, her heart thumping in her chest like a champion racehorse galloping down a field. Overwhelmed with emotion, a single tear bringing her back to reality as she watched it slowly soak into the fibres of the paper held in her hand. Her brain still awash with different thoughts as she tried to process what this letter meant.
"Still ballsy, huh?" Emily chuckled through her tears evoked by the wave of emotions she just experienced. She sat there still for a moment, still processing before choosing to read the letter over once more.
In fact, that wouldn't be the last time she read it through-out the day.
[A/N] Thanks for reading. For all those worried I was deciding against Emily and Paige getting back together, I hope this chapter has at least settled your nerves? Thanks again for the continued support, follows and favourites. Every single review I get continue to astonish me. I can't guarantee when I will have the next chapter up, but I hope it will be relatively soon. Please review this chapter and let me know your thoughts, opinions and comments, I honestly can't express how important your reviews are. It been awhile since I posted a chapter I was genuinely proud of, but this one I couldn't wait to post this one, I hope it was worth my playful teasing last time. Thank you and until next time.