[A/N] Yeah, look I can actually keep promise, an upload within five days. Thank you all for the feedback on the last chapter. It still amazes me that this story has garnered so much support. Fun fact I actually really struggled writing 'happy' Paige and Emily, I guess I can relate to the PLL writers on that since they've given us so little Paily happiness as of late. I really enjoy writing angst and tension, but I think for the most part we've gone passed the worst of that in this story so look forward to more good time on the way. That being said, I'm incredibly busy with life at the minute and unbelievably stressed applying to different schools so it may be some time before my next update, it could be early June just before the season 6 premier or even late May before the next update. Anyway with enough formalities, I hope you enjoy chapter 22.
Emily was in the kitchen making some food for herself and Paige while the brunette was doing some work in the office space she had designed in a secluded corner of her apartment. The small area she created had a view of the New York City scape out a rustic corner window but yet had the feeling of being enclosed and private given it's position hidden beneath the half wall separating the kitchen from the main living area.
Emily smiled to herself when she caught sight of the letter she had originally sent to Paige all those weeks ago. The letter of course, now looked a little worse for wear but that was a result of the numerous times it had been pulled down from the pin board where it remained, Paige only taking it down so she could change the blank space on the bottom where Emily had written 'Yours _'.
Chuckling to herself, as her mind was flooded with memories from the past few weeks. Little moments she and Paige had spent together, some significant others seemed almost oridinary, but to them meant so much more. The letter was now plagued with different descriptions filling the blank spot, Emily's brown orbs jumping from the different words neatly scrawled out in a long line, the old ones crossed off the list with a simple single line. The current word highlighted on the bottom of the list being 'pain in the ass.' Paige had scribbled it down after they had a brief quarrel over something stupid just days before, thankfully her actions in doing so was enough to rid any heavy tension between the two.
Emily laughed as she read through the list top to bottom, of course the first description still being 'Lesbian, U-haul helper', now followed by 'painting assistant', Emily laughing harder as she rolled her eyes now, she wasn't at all happy when Paige had written it first disliking being called an assistant. The smile briefly fell from her lips as she saw the stark blank space that came next in the list, a reminder of the unknown tensions, emotions and feelings between the two after Paige's father had a heart attack. A subtle smile re-appearing when she read the next set of words 'shoulder to lie on' a small scribbled thank you written in brackets beside it. Paige had written it one night after falling asleep on Emily's shoulder, it was about two weeks after everything had happened with Paige's dad and a little while after she and Emily discussed somethings about the accident. She was having a bad day and Emily did nothing but hold her and comfort her for the evening. When Paige awoke in need of a glass of water she noticed Emily had drifted off asleep too, quietly she tiptoed her way towards the letter on the pin board, pulling it down to write in the newest description. Over those past few weeks Emily had been everything for Paige, both physically and mentally, the description seemed to be the most fitting. Emily remembers awakening that night, her mind wandering with wonderment as she tried to figure out what Paige was up too, a little more difficult given her half sleep state. She couldn't help but grin shyly to herself once Paige had shown her on the letter.
'Date' came next, followed by 'Dance partner' after Emily had persuaded Paige to get up and dance with her at the jazz bar before they left to head home. Another hearty laugh escaped the confines of her throat when her eyes read over 'personal alarm clock', a reminder of the numerous times she unexpectedly showed up at Paige's apartment at random and inconvenient times, often times she was met with an usually tired and grumpy Paige. It seems the last time she did it, was enough to deem her Paige's personal alarm clock. The final description before returning to the current 'pain in the ass' one was 'Nerd." Paige had written it down the day after Emily passed her exams with flying colours, Emily revelled in the simple acknowledgement from Paige especially after their argument the day before.
Emily suddenly felt brave and brash seeking out a pen hoping to add to the letter, she looked over to Paige. The other girl was still sat completely focused in her office chair one foot pulled up under her body, as she mindlessly bit down on the end of a pen, her eyes flicking back and forth across the computer screen which beautifully lit up the darkened chestnut browns found within her eyes, her glasses like perfect photo frames capturing the image. Emily couldn't have been more entranced by the image of the girl mere metres away, simple astonished by her simple unassuming beauty, the sheer intrinsicality of the girl's features played like magic on Emily's mind, the sight a trigger for something within her. Emily knew of the familiar feelings swirling in the pit of her stomach, the feeling of warmth, safety and comfort growing within her. She was falling for Paige. Completely and wholeheartedly. She was here before, and she was convinced part of her never stopped loving the other girl, it was for that reason alone she became so quickly overwhelmed by everything that happened between them at the cabin.
Taking a deep breath to still her now shaking hands, she quickly wrote down the one word that had been plaguing her mind as of late. They had been seeing each other for over a month now, it just seemed to fit, it was time. At least in Emily's mind. She approached Paige, a timid lightness to her stroll as she made her way down from the kitchen to walk around to where Paige was still busy working.
"Paige?"
"mmmhmmm?" Paige responded off handed, causing Emily to laugh shaking her head knowing immediately she would have to do more to catch Paige's complete attention.
"Paige, is okay if I walk around naked. I'm just a little too warm." She spoke off the cuff.
"Yeah, yeah sure sounds good, Em." Paige continued her focus still completely on the screen. Emily laughing once more as she slowly saw the reality of her words dawn on Paige. "Wait, what?" Paige jumped up from her seat her eyes quickly roaming the length of the bronzed girl's still very much clothed body.
"I finally have you're full attention, do I?" Emily winked teasingly.
"Sorry." Paige pouted standing to wrap her arms around the taller girl's waist. "I'm just busy at the minute that's all."
"I know but I did something and I want to see what you think." Emily explained running her hands along Paige's arms.
"Okay?" Paige pulled her glasses from her face folding them and letting them hang on her white t-shirt.
"Don't freak out. If it's too much, that's okay, it was just an idea. It's my way of letting you know where I'm at, that's all. Just promise you won't over think it." Emily rambled on, nerves causing her to trip over her words.
"Okay. I'll try." Paige shrugged a bemused half smile curling up the left side of her light pink lips. Emily didn't say anymore she simply handed the famed piece of paper to Paige. Her eyes scanning the words to see what was different or newly added, her mouth drying when she noticed it.
'Girlfriend', an unknowing look on both their faces as they remained standing together.
"Emily..." Paige stuttered, at a loss for words. "I'm sorry, I can't..." Paige felt awful, a sickening swell of bile rising up the back of her throat. It was still all too soon for her. She was still so scared of completely opening her heart up again. She hated herself for having to turn around and say no to Emily's offer.
"Paige, stop. Look at me." Emily hushed, her finger's gently roaming the side of the paler girl's cheeks and jawline as she urged the girl to look at her.
"Emily, I'm so so sorry. I'm just not ready and I..."
"Paige you don't need to be sorry. I get it, I do. I promise I do." Emily using her fingers carefully traced some loose hairs and pushed them behind Paige's ears.
"You're not angry or mad?" Paige looked down, a deepening crease appearing in her forehead
"Of course not. I'm ready for that next step in our relationship, I chanced my luck in thinking that you just might be ready too. But you're not, and that's okay. That doesn't mean anything changes. I want nothing more than to be able to call you my girlfriend again one day, Paige. I thought today may be the beginning of that but It's not, and it's okay. I can wait. It just means I'm ready for that next step when you are. I'm not going anywhere Paige. I can wait." Emily soothed, raising Paige's face to meet her own as she tentatively pulled on the girl's chin.
"I'm sorry I'm not there yet..." Paige's voice cracked, the emotions on her voice causing Emily's knees to falter. Moving forward she pulled the other girl into a deepened kiss, she wanted to secure in Paige's mind that she was there and would be for the long haul. Paige almost instantaneously gave into the kiss, worries immediate put at ease, questions answers and tensions unravelled within the intricate unspoken bond created by the kiss. "How about we leave it like this" Paige pulled back a little, taking the pen from Emily's hand and scribbling something onto the piece of paper before handing it back over to Emily. Paige had added a simple question mark after the word 'girlfriend', "I'm not saying no... Just not yet" She explained shyly.
Emily genuinely appreciated the simplistic gesture, pulling Paige in for a final kiss before tucking herself into a tight hug in the brunette's hold enveloping herself the girl's natural warmth and inviting scent. A glimmer of hope bouncing on her nerve endings, an extra beat causing her heart to momentarily speed up. Paige wasn't saying no, simply saying not yet.
"Good morning, good morning." Emily sang chirpily stealing a brief hello kiss from Paige's lips as she entered the apartment. It wasn't unusual for her to show up in the morning now that she had made it a part of her daily routine. Getting to spend breakfast with Paige was fast becoming one of favourite things to do. Hanna had questioned her on it briefly the other morning, the blonde wondering where Emily got off to every morning, but Emily casually played it off simply telling her best friend that a group of friends in work arranged to have breakfast together most mornings and she wanted to go along. Thankful she hadn't been caught out, Hanna being so busy with her own life, work and focusing her time on Caleb and Jacob she rarely had time to pry as much into her friend's life as she did back in high school.
"Someone's happy this morning." Paige smirked intrigued by the bronzed beauty excitable nature, Emily danced on her toes as she headed straight to the couch flopping herself down kicking her feet up onto the other end of the seat.
"Yep, I have the whole day off. First time since I passed my boards... a whole day to do nothing." Emily stated contentedly. She quickly jumped up again the smell of food cooking in the kitchen attracting her towards Paige. "That being said, please tell you don't have to go into the office today?" She approached Paige wrapping her arms around the slightly smaller girl's waist from behind, nuzzling as close as she could before kissing the exposed base of Paige's neck, the brunette's hair pulled up into an untidy ponytail exposing the hidden treasure Emily couldn't hold back from kissing.
"I'm sorry. I have meetings all day, I have to go in. Everything they could throw at me, they have. New clients, staff meetings, a meeting with the copyrighters and I have two deadlines for this weekend that I want to get done, hopefully by today." Paige shrugged, chuckling when she felt Emily nuzzle her nose into her back and her hold grow tighter as she clasped the fabric of Paige's t-shirt between her fingers.
"I don't want you to go." She pouted, her tone somewhat of a whine.
"Come on stop whining. I've been slaving in the kitchen all morning. Let's go eat." Paige joked shaking out of Emily's hold before leading her around to the breakfast bar on the other side of the kitchen counter.
"How about you call in sick?" Emily sat on the stool her head in her hands held upright by her elbows sat precariously on the counter top, her tone more optimistic than she actually felt.
"Who knew you to be so needy, Ms Fields." Paige laughed loudly still not persuaded by Emily's suddenly clingy nature.
The two chatted easily as they ate their breakfast of blueberry waffles, mixed fruit salad and freshly squeezed grapefruit juice. Paige ran off to go get ready while Emily moved back to the couch putting her feet up once again, picking up a book Paige had obviously been ready recently and began reading into it too. Paige quickly returned leaning down to give Emily a kiss goodbye, unfortunately for her, Emily wasn't going to let her go that easily. Emily swiftly took hold of Paige's jacket collar pulling the other girl into a deeper breath-taking kiss this time, desperately hoping it would be enough to convince Paige against going into work. Sadly it wasn't a success and Paige remained resilient. Emily had remained supreme in leaving the brunette somewhat breathless, momentarily dazed and little hot and bothered but yet Paige had just enough will power to pull away from Emily's attempts, quickly grabbing her bag and heading towards the door before Emily got to her once again.
"Oh wait, actually." Paige stopped still, Emily sitting up a little wondering what had stopped the other girl in her determined movements. "Here this is for you." Paige leaned forward and handed Emily a small silver key.
A disbelieving grin appearing on Emily's features when she saw what Paige had held up, "I thought we were still taking things slow?" she teased shyly, tentatively taking the key from Paige's hand confused and a little unsure of how she felt about the moment.
"We are... It's just my bed is being delivered today, I was going to ask Joe downstairs to let them in but since you've nothing to do all day, can you maybe let them in? They should be here about noon?" Paige blushed, biting at the inside of her lip she hadn't really given much thought to the consequences of her request until the very second Emily took the small key from her hand. Things only made worse when she couldn't read exactly what Emily made of the request which was supposed to be an insignificant gesture.
"Oh! Right yeah, I can do that... Now go kick some butt at work today." Emily added light-heartedly. The raven-haired girl trying her best to ease the mood, as the two fell into a swell of a suffocating and uncomfortable unknown, lingering tension, neither really knowing what to do but give into the awkwardness. Paige smiled timidly before approaching the other girl once last time, kissing her temple whispering a grateful thank-you, as she finally exited out the front door.
Emily moved back to the couch, sitting down with a heavy hearted sigh she continued staring at the key in her hand. A part of wished it was hers to keep, that Paige had given it to her finally ready to take the next step. Another part of her knew it was still all too soon for such a milestone moment, the prospect a little terrifying, even for her. Of course the key didn't have to mean Emily had to move in. Paige could have just offered it to her as a simple yet kind gesture that allowed Emily to come and go as she pleased. In the end she decided not to overthink it, it was a good thing none the less, a nice friendly gesture and maybe Paige meant nothing by it, but Emily wanted to think of it as something a little more special.
Paige yawned as she fiddled with the lock on the door trying to get back into her apartment. Her hands were full with paperwork, new project outlines and some Chinese take-out for two, she was secretly hoping Emily would still be here when she returned home. It was just after 6, and walking into a dark and quiet apartment only made her heart sink a little, strangely she found herself missing the other girl anytime they spent significant time apart.
"Oh well guess I'm eating Chinese tomorrow too." Paige sighed throwing her bags and paper work onto the kitchen counter once she finally entered into the apartment. It wasn't until she began scanning the room to see where Emily had got the couriers to leave her boxed bed frame, head board and new mattress did a huge goofy grin grow onto her face, framing all of her pearly whites. She almost couldn't believe her eyes, Emily was passed out asleep on her brand new bed. The raven haired girl must have spent all afternoon putting it together, instruction manuals were scattered around the room, as well as all sorts of packaging. She felt her heart soar when she noticed what Emily was wearing, a pair of shorts and a Scottish Rugby jersey. She laughed lightly in amusement but not enough to wake the sleeping girl, Emily's clothes were folded neatly on the chest of drawers to right hand side of the room. Obviously a pair of jeans and a thick knitted sweater were not suitable for the job she undertook. Paige took a moment to relish the memory, a moment of clarity seeping through as she felt her heart feel that little more secure in knowing Emily was still here, not in the literal sense that Emily was still physically present in her apartment when she got home but that even given Paige's fears and hesitations as of late, Emily had stood by her side no matter what. Confirmation and clarity shining through, she was slowly falling back in love with the raven haired beauty, the fear of having her heart broken once again was slowly dissipating, a sense of an opportunity to live out a contented future with Emily felt real for the first time in years, and that was a feeling that electrified every nerve within her.
Without saying word, Paige simply pulled off her jacket and kicked off her boots before tentatively climbing into the bed next to Emily. Sliding closer, she used her hand to brush the hair from the sleeping girl's face before placing a feather light kiss to her forehead. Emily stirred slowly a shy, sleepy smile appearing on her features, as her eyelids fluttered to take in the sight of Paige lying next to her.
"I thinking coming home to a beautiful girl dressed in my clothes, fast asleep on my new bed is about the hottest thing ever." Paige smirked playfully, causing a blush to rise up Emily's cheeks as she turned her head into the pillow hiding her own bashful smile.
"I got too hot in my own clothes while putting the bedframe together, so I pulled out something lighter of yours." Emily's voice rasped, still tired as she moved closer to cuddle further into Paige's body, her hand roaming along the mattress until she could entwine it with Paige's. "You realise you bought the most complicated bed out there, the manual says ninety minutes to assemble. Ninety minutes my ass, it took me like three hours."
"I guess now would be a bad time to tell you, you put the head board on backwards then." Paige uttered.
"No I didn't." Emily jumped up quick to examine the headboard, only for Paige to burst into a raucous fit of laughter two seconds late.
"Hey, that wasn't very nice..." Emily sulked, swatting at Paige's stomach before lying back down into the other girl's hold.
"You're right, that was a little mean of me." She playfully poked Emily in the side. "Thank you for putting it together." She kissed the tip of Emily's nose, Emily responding by moving her head upwards, the two sharing a playful eskimo kiss before the dark haired girl continued seeking out Paige's lips. "You should keep the key." Paige whispered between subtle, gentle caresses, the decision to do so suddenly feeling like the right thing to do.
"It's not too much too soon?" Emily posed, she didn't want Paige to feel under pressure to give her a key.
"I don't think so. I like the idea of you being able to come and go as you please." Paige's voice hummed, the two were now lying face to face, mere inches apart as the focused on taking in the sight of the other's feature in front of them.
"I like that idea too." Emily raised her hand trailing the edge of Paige's jawline with her index finger and pulling the brunette into her. Their lips coming together once more, Emily moving with a newly emblazoned and bold determination as she swiped her tongue along Paige's bottom lip. The kiss intensified quickly, their tongues battling it out in mere minutes, all the while tantalised, frustrated and hungry moans enough to silence a crowd echoed around the room. Paige moved to straddle Emily hips, nipping at the girl's soft lips only to soothe them intermittingly with a delicate, determined sway of her tongue. Emily moved her hands, desperately seeking more skin contact, tugging at the bottom of Paige's shirt hoping to release it from where it was tucked into the other girl's jeans. One button at a time, her fingers moved with an unhindered fluidity, Paige's gentle hands roaming up and down the length of Emily's toned sides their emblazoned lips only parting when they sought out desperately needed oxygen, or when a murmuring of gasps and whispered swear words needed a release.
Emily eventually ridded Paige of her shirt, decidedly taken motive she flipped them over. Paige was now lying flat beneath her. They swollen lips eventually parting as Emily trailed a lengthy path of open mouthed kisses to Paige's neck, nipping, biting and sucking, all the while attentive enough to avoid leaving a tell-tale mark. Paige's body writhed beneath her, a slow moving sway to paler girl's hips as she found just enough solace against Emily's weight on top of her. The brunette seeking more of Emily's skin now too reaching down she stole the rugby shirt off Emily's back only to throw it across the room.
Emily moved lower, kissing the newly exposed light coloured skin contrasted beautifully against Paige's plain black bra. It was only when she reached the underside of the bra did she stop. Paige quickly understanding why, a blush reddening her face.
"You have a tattoo?" Emily sat up resting herself on Paige's lap as she looked up to meet the now red-faced girl's gaze, an intrigued smirk on her lips.
"Ughhh... yeah" Paige responded embarrassed, grabbing one of the pillows out from beneath her head to cover the rising scarlet glowing on her cheeks.
"Since when?"
"You remember that day we ran into one another outside of Hanna and Caleb's, when you thought you had hurt me? Well I got it done that morning, my ribs were still sensitive from the needle. It's stupid I know...I just..." Paige chastised herself, fully convinced Emily thought it was completely ridiculous.
"No it's not, it's super-hot. Do you regret getting it?" Emily interrupted, unable to hold back catching another look at the script inked into Paige's skin.
"Actually no, I was just afraid you were going to laugh at me for it. Afraid you would think it was immature and pathetic." Emily pulled the pillow off of Paige's face, nodding to signal an assured no.
"I am the architect of my own destruction." Emily read the tattooed script out loud, tracing the neatly scrawled writing with her fingers tips. A sadness registering on her tone as she began to understand the words, or at least what she thought the words meant.
Paige took Emily's hand pulling her back up beside her; "Don't read into it, remember what I told you about adults and children at the nursery. Adults like to read too much into things. I wanted that quote as reminder that I am the sole person responsible for my past, the good and the bad. I can choose to blame everyone around me, but that gets me nowhere. I can look at my past and examine and re-examine, scrutinised and re-scrutinise all the bad things, instead it reminds of the good. I think of all the good that has happened, that was all because of me too. Moving to California, meeting you... all the things that are happening now, my job, re-connecting with my friends, our growing relationship now. I played a key role in all those things and they were some of the best things to happen in my life to date."
"I really like that." Emily smiled her voice low and solemn as she remained somewhat awe-struck by the girl's words.
"I brought home some Chinese food, are feeling you up to eating?" Paige questioned, after a moment of comfortable silence.
"I mean I could eat... but can we not just continue where we left off." Emily moved forward brazenly hoping to continue the two's make-out session, only for her lips to crash into Paige's cheek. "Heeey..." She whined, left unsatisfied with only a cheek to kiss.
"I know I gave you a key and all... but can we still keep things going slow, especially the physical side of things. Things are going good right now, sex confuses everything and as much I'd like to continue and as much as my body would like to continue... I'm just ready for that yet." Paige explained quietly, turning red as she admitted just how much she too wanted things to go further with Emily. The raven haired girl simply nodded, she relished in Paige's sincere words yet still felt like she was slowly going mad from how wound up and tense she has felt over the past few week, her want for things to advance only growing more intense with every time she and Paige kissed, or when she caught sight of the paler girl looking a certain way. Emily's whole body was awash with urges wishing and needing to be satisfied, her being seeking to establish that raw, unexplainable bond and connection with Paige again. But she knew and understood why Paige wanted to take things slow, and for that reason she was willing to hold back her on her recently intensified urges.
"Can I still stay the night?" Emily cuddled further into Paige's side, the brunette simply smiling placing a kiss to top of the other girl's head.
Emily let herself into Paige's apartment after she had finished up at work for the evening. "Paige, you here" her voice echoed around the apartment but unfortunately earned no response. She looked around as she moved further into the living area checking to see if Paige was doing work at her desk, but no sign of the other girl was found. Emily noticed Paige's phone and bag on the coffee table signalling to her that Paige should be in.
It wasn't until she moved towards the bedroom did Emily hear the shower running. She had to fight with the urge to just walk in on Paige then and there. Lately, she felt like she was growing crazy anytime she was around the other girl. Kissing and subtle gentle touches just weren't enough to satisfy Emily anymore and the struggle to stop when things began to heat up between them was quickly becoming an increasingly difficult task. Emily felt like a desperate creep or a hormone driven teenage boy as of late, practically drooling at the mere sight of Paige walking around the apartment in shorts, or a loose tank top where she could catch fleeting flashes at Paige's toned abs. The thought of Paige's tattoo alone was enough to send the girl over the edge if she allowed her imagination to drift to such a level.
It had been a few weeks since their last close call, the moment coming when Paige had told Emily to keep the apartment key. That was the last night Emily had stayed over, she simply had to decline any offer Paige made as of late afraid she wouldn't be able to hold back if things grew more intimate. Paige didn't seemed bothered, coming across as oblivious to the tension seeping from Emily's every pore, in a way it honestly worried Emily making her feel at unease and slightly insecure. She was beginning to second guess everything as of late, was Paige even attracted to her anymore. Her frustration with Paige causing tension to leak in her friendship with Hanna too. The blonde still oblivious to her friend's growing intimacy with Paige, continued to bring up conversation surrounding potential dates for Emily. It was for that reason Emily decided against going home that evening, she was slowly teetering on the balance of losing her temper with Hanna and uttering out her shared secret with Paige, it was better just to avoid her.
"Em, hey... this is a nice surprise." Paige interrupted Emily's thoughts when she walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom where Emily had stationed herself on the end of the bed. Emily was still so caught up in thoughts and insecurities she hadn't even taken notice of the shower having being turned off.
"Yeah, hey..." Emily responded her tone remained aloof.
"What's wrong, you seem distracted." The brunette's brow creasing as she examined Emily further.
"I'm not." Her tone changing and now came across more defensive than she really intended it too. Shaking her head she tried to put her complete focus on Paige, unfortunately that only seemed to make things worse after she noticed Paige was dressed solely in some jogging shorts and an oversized t-shirt. Her mouth going dry, unable to hold back the shameful thoughts of stripping Paige of her clothes, her imagination wreaking havoc while streaming thoughts of what it would be like to experience the feel and scent of the brunette's freshly washed skin under her touch, her breath wearing thin as she imagined how Paige's body would re-act to her every movement.
"Emily? Hello... are you even listening to me?" Paige laughed, waving a small towel in front of Emily's face hoping to catch the girl's attention.
"I'm sorry, it's not my fault you look so insanely beautiful and that's all I can think about." Paige approached Emily sitting beside her on the end of the bed, a sceptical look plastered on her face. Emily grabbed a hold of the loose shirt material, her heart pummelling in her chest as a swell of butterflies began soaring in the depths of her stomach, her nerves felt electrified as she pulled Paige closer. Within seconds she captured Paige's lips into a heated kiss, almost instantly sweeping along the other girl's bottom lip seeking entrance in need of something more. She earned it valiantly, a gasp of breathy pleasure escaping Paige's lips as she felt Emily take control.
Emily stood up allowing her arms to wrap tightly around Paige's thin waist, all the while their kiss continued encompassed in a heated passion growing from strength to strength. Emily continued with unhindered fervour, tenderly sucking, determinedly caressing and playfully biting the other's girl's lips and tongue. She was doing everything in her power to have Paige crumple into her senses within her hold. In one swift move she ripped the T-shirt from Paige's body, a raspy moan slipping off her own tongue when she noticed Paige wasn't wearing a bra after her shower. She turned them gently throwing Paige down onto the bed, the brunette releasing a surprised yelp causing the two to laugh skittishly in the moment before Emily moved up Paige's body to continue their ardent embrace.
Their hips slowly grinding together in a perfect rhythm, Emily quickly removing her own shirt after Paige had tried but failed, simply unsuccessful in her actions given her position beneath the taller girl. Emily's hand's tentatively ghosting over Paige's breasts, the two's skin colour a beautiful contrast of ivory and bronze melding together. A tender groan a whisper on the end of Paige's wordless breath as she slowly unravelled under the other girl's touch.
Emily began kissing her way across the column of Paige's neck, her tongue leaving a tantalising trail of hunger as she aimed for her destination. A smirk licking to her lips as she got there. Paige's tattoo. She nipped at the inked skin with her teeth, soothing over it with the warm soft bed of her tongue, her hand still working on Paige's breasts.
"S-s-stop!" Her voice grew weak. "We-We should stop." Paige swallowed hard, her heart now racing for a completely different reason.
"Are you okay?" Emily sat up, immediately afraid she had done something to hurt the other girl.
"Ummm yeah, it's just. We needed to stop." Paige gulped, she was visibly trying to hold back tears and Emily struggled to see why.
"Did I do something wrong. Is this moving too fast?" Emily felt awful, her heart sinking as she took in the image of Paige who now looked like panicked and scared young girl.
"No, I want this, I really want this. I promise. It's just... wait nevermind." Paige used her index finger to emphasise her words.
"No Paige, please tell me." Emily climbed off the bed in a delicate movement making sure to find Paige's shirt, quickly handing it over hoping to ease some of the tension, fear and anxiety causing rife on Paige's posture. Emily wanting to do nothing more than make Paige feel better.
"It's not important." Paige sighed dejectedly, her words only frustrating Emily further. Paige wasn't making this easy.
"Paige, you're scaring me. Just talk to me." Her voice remained low, concern was evident but Emily tried to force a sense of calm.
"Can you just drop it!" Paige shouted, frustration growing within her. Emily flinching as the other girl's sudden change of behaviour.
"Paige if I took things too far just tell me."
"No, you didn't! Drop it Emily. You know, maybe you should just leave." Paige continued still riled up.
"So what, you're just going to shut me out!" A tense and confused anger growing within Emily now too.
"Can we not do this." Paige rubbed at her forehead, dark unshed tears shadowed in her eyes.
"Not do what? You're not allowed to shut me out, Paige. We made a deal about being open with one another!" Emily shouted her response, standing up now facing Paige who remained sat on the bed.
"Just fucking drop it! You can't fix everything, Emily. So stop trying."
"What exactly am I trying to fix, Paige? Because as far as I know everything was going great up until a few minutes ago." Emily was complete baffled, fear registering now too as she considered maybe this wasn't something Paige wanted anymore.
"I think you should just go." Paige tried to shut down their argument once again, her voice matter of fact as she remain resilient, not willing to open up.
"Paige if this isn't working out for you, you need to tell me. Shutting me out isn't going to help!" Tears glistened in Emily eyes now too, a stark reflection of Paige's orbs.
Paige shook her head, biting at her lip she was terrified to open up about what was essentially driving her crazy. The one thing from holding her back from fully committing to Emily.
"Paige, please talk to me!" Emily pleaded, terrified she was losing Paige all over again. The brunette remained unmoved. "At least look at me. Please." Paige shook her head refusing to hear the other girl's pleas.
"Just go..." Her tone dead, tears streaming rivers down the length of Emily's face. "Just fuckin' leave!" Paige voiced angrily, her anger mainly aimed at herself. Emily looked on heartbroken, grabbing her own shirt and bag before leaving the apartment.
Emily wiped at her face trying to wipe away any sign of tears, looking at her phone she noticed it was just after nine. She knew she would no doubt be interrogated by Hanna as soon as she stepped inside the door, her mind wandering to the prospect of walking into the nearest bar and simply drinking away all her sorrows, but she quickly decided against that. That would be a cowardly move. Trying to relax herself she continued walking, walking to no where in particular just enough to keep her body occupied, her mind all the time racing with terrifying thoughts. Her insecurities regarding Paige no longer being attracted to her, and the thoughts that this wasn't working out for Paige grew more wickedly taunting, her heart burning with the prospect of losing the girl for good this time. It was in that moment she vowed to turn around, she was always the one to walk away when things got tough. She'd either push Paige away or pull in on herself, shielding herself, blocking Paige and the world out. That was exactly what Paige was doing now, running away wasn't the answer. Whatever it was that was bothering Paige, Emily needed to be there for her.
She let herself back into the apartment and almost immediately she could hear crying. She kicked off her shoes, and threw her coat back over the couch.
"Paige..." She whispered softly, climbing up the bed to hold Paige in her arms. Paige seemed to be done arguing now too, she was surprised to see Emily return but grateful she did none the less. "Talk to me."
"It's so stupid, Em." Paige whimpered, her words quiet as she moved to rest her head into Emily's lap.
"Well, can I be the judge of that?" Emily brushed aside some of Paige's soft hair so she could get a better look at the paler girl's face.
"It's just something Alex said after we broke up..." Emily didn't respond but continued listening intently. "It's so goddamn stupid... and I should have never let her get to me like that." Paige chastised herself. Emily remained still, waiting patiently for Paige to open up to her. "When we were at the cabin you told me how one of your biggest worries and insecurities after the accident was that we could lose the physical aspect of our relationship?" Paige found Emily's hand this time, seeking out some extra security in it's hold, biting her lip to fight back a broken sob lingering impatiently in the depths of the throat.
"Yeah." Emily nodded in agreement waiting for Paige to continue.
"We had sex at the cabin and it was great, at least I thought so..."
"I thought so too." Emily interrupted still confused where Paige's explanation was taking them.
"But are you just saying that? Alex was the love of my life for close to three years and on the day we broke up she basically told me she cheated because I well... I-I wasn't good enough." Paige swallowed hard, pulling Emily's hand into her chest needing that little extra bit of security.
"Paige, sweetheart. Look at me." Emily tentatively raised Paige's chin, she could see the scars of insecurity scolding the edges of the girl's water-filled eyes. "Every single time we have been intimate I've felt safe, comfortable and beautiful. You're gentle yet confident in your actions, you're attentive yet you like to push limits... in the best way possible. Having sex is different with everyone, but it's always been great for me, I promise. What Alex said to you was wrong, but in a heated argument we all say things we don't really mean, she wanted to hurt you in that moment, and she did. I'm not Alex, Paige. I've made my fair share of mistakes in the past, and I know I'll no doubt screw-up again in the future, hopefully not to the extent I did five years ago. I'm not going anywhere and if your not ready to take that next step in our relationship just yet, then we can still wait a little longer." Emily explained her eyes burrowing deep into the brown depths of Paige's eyes. A silence settling in around them, Paige moving closing to Emily once more nuzzling her head under the bronzed girl's neck. "Paige can I ask a question?"
The brunette nodding timidly.
"How come this is only coming up now? We slept together at the cabin?"
"This time round it's the real deal. What we had a cabin, wasn't really real. We were still stuck in our past, full of anger, unanswered question and riled on heated passion. The cabin was purely physically, lust forced by our natural attraction to one another and our history..."
"I told you I loved you there." Emily interrupted, Paige unable to read her tone.
"You did. Do you think it was real?" Paige tensed as she questioned knowing this conversation could take a turn for the worst.
"Honestly, in that moment yes. But you're right with everything you said about the cabin, it was like a ticking time-bomb, something needed to happen. I was still angry, confused and jealous, it all stemmed from that. I think we were so desperate to just patch over everything like it was nothing significant to be looked at. That was wrong, we didn't realise that it was impossible to just forget about the accident, it was ignorant to think we could just swiftly move on with a fleeting uttering of the words 'I love you'. It was a dangerous, treacherous gap. too large to be patched over with heightened emotions and lust-fuelled sex. Sex that was established solely for the purpose of relieving tension carried on from our toxic past. It's impossible to forgot about. We were threading stormy waters and eventually it had to end. All that being said I really like that you feel it's the real deal this time... because I do too." Emily swallowed hard, meaning everything she just said.
"That why I'm so fucking scared all the time, the reason why little things get blown out proportion because I am so fucking terrified of going one step wrong and this thing crumbling to pieces." Paige released a tensely held breath.
"If it helps I'm fuckin' terrified too." Emily whispered.
"Do you think it's bad thing? I mean surely we shouldn't feel so scared when entering a relationship." Paige posed quietly.
"No." Emily hesitated thinking about her words before she continued. "There was always a part of me that was afraid I'd eventually lose you. I lost so much in highschool it was always lingering in the back of my mind that eventually you'd be gone one day too. I guess it turned out ironic in the end, giving the fact your leaving had everything to do with me. I pushed you away. I think fear is okay once we don't let it overwhelm us, we have a right to be afraid, Paige. But at least for me, it's a pleasant reminder always lingering in the back of my mind reminding me how much I don't want to lose you ever again... and I know what I'm saying right now is probably absolutely terrifying but I mean it, I really do. I don't want to lose you, Paige." Emily spoke with a sense of determination, Paige grinning shyly on hearing the raw honesty on Emily's words.
"Back in a second." Paige whispered sniffling the last of her tears before pecking Emily on the cheek as she climbed out of the bed and headed into the kitchen. Emily looked on unsure of what Paige was up to.
"What did you go and get?" Emily asked perplexed catching sight of a pen and a piece of paper in the other girl's hand.
"I think it's time I fixed this. This is one step closer to fighting off that fear." Paige smiled, Emily's eyes lighting up as she saw what Paige went and got from the kitchen. "No more question mark." She scribbled out the question mark behind the word 'girlfriend', which Emily had written only a week ago, Paige replacing it with a simple period.
'Girlfriend.'
"Paige, you don't have to." Emily's heart was racing, a stupid lopsided grin enveloping the two corners of her mouth.
"I want too, Em. You know when we broke up I never thought I'd ever get to call you, Emily Fields, my girlfriend again. But now I can, and it finally feels real." The two sharing an intimate, gentle and slow kiss as the simple moment sank in.
"You know Hanna's going to die." Emily laughed lightly, laying her head onto Paige's shoulder taking the piece of paper from Paige's hand as she traced over the neatly scrawled lettering 'girlfriend.' with her fingertips.
The two lay in a contented silence, embracing the moment. It was Paige who moved as she took Emily's hand sliding it over her heart, Emily could just about feel the light thrum beneath her fingertips. "You are slowly mending my heart, Emily Fields. It's not there yet but slowly and surely it's learning to love again."
Without saying a word Emily pulled Paige's hand onto her own chest, her heart like a racecar fluttering in her chest. Neither said a word, the feel of Emily's racing heart enough to tell her everything she needed to know.
[A/N] Thanks for reading. Please continuing reviewing and let me know your thoughts. I promise in the next chapter we'll see how the other's re-act to finding out about Paige and Emily's relationship and things may finally heat up, no more insecurities, hesitations and worries ;). Until next time -KTF