[A/N] Hello again! Back with chapter 30 can you believe it? I most certainly can't. So I hit writer's block hard on this one, but strangely I think it worked to my advantage because on re-reading I'm quiet proud of this chapter and how it turned out in the end. Thank you all for the constant support, I can't explain how grateful and frankly overwhelmed I am by it all. Thank you and with that here's Chapter 30.
Emily heard Paige groan behind her after she had moved to get up, she had to be in work in an hour. She tried her very best not to disturb her sleeping girlfriend but she obviously wasn't careful enough. "Paige, are you okay?"
"No." Her voice was low, spoken in a still half-sleep state.
"What? Why, what's wrong? Pay?" Emily turned on her feet, anxiously waiting on her girlfriend to tell her what was wrong. Her eyes roaming up and down the girl's sleeping form in search of any further injury.
"You." She mumbled once more, slowly reaching her casted hand across the bed in search of Emily, finger splayed out as much as possible but unfortunately unable to grasp any hold of her girlfriend.
"Me?" Emily's brows knitted together in confusion.
"You're leaving the bed, it's too early. I need you back beside me." Emily bit back a laugh, a flutter of racing butterflies tickling her insides on hearing her girlfriend's words. Rolling her eyes she leaned down brushing back Paige's hair before staining her forehead with a kiss.
"Some of us have work to go to." She snickered, kissing the skin behind Paige's ear, hearing what sounded like a saddened sigh and disgruntled moan rolled into one.
"Can't you just call in sick?" Her voice close to a whine.
"No, they were kind enough to give me the last two days off, I have to go in today." Emily finally kissed her temple before tiptoeing off to the bathroom to get ready for work. Paige promptly falling back asleep after a minute or so, simply grateful to catch up on the sleep she had missed out over the past few days.
"Hey beautiful, I'm heading off." She gently shook the brunette back awake, kissing her cheek and squeezing her shoulder comfortingly. "I'll see you later."
"Oh, I thought you might want to go home to Hanna's for the night, since your back doing the early shifts?" Paige remarked, one eye trickled open as she slowly turned to glance at her girlfriend watching her long legs traipse towards the door.
"Oh, right. I thought... Actually, never mind." Emily stuttered out, feeling physically sick and hurt that Paige hadn't remembered any of their conversation from the night before.
"I'm joking, Em. I want you to come home to me. To our home. I remembered, don't worry that pretty little head of yours." Paige smiled drowsily, a teasing glint in her eye.
"That was so incredibly mean, Paige." Emily sucked in a breath trying to alleviate her racing heart.
"I'm sorry, I love you." She turned her head shooting Emily a crooked smile hoping her words were enough to earn forgiveness.
"Fine, you're forgiven. I love you too... I guess." With that she waved and headed out.
"Hello? Paige?" Emily called out entering the apartment, her eyes scanning the room in search of her girlfriend still nowhere to be seen. "Paige? Love?" Confusion only growing when she noticed just how sticky with heat the apartment was, the heating must have been on full blast.
"In here." A voice slowly crept from the bedroom, Emily smiled on hearing her response, following the delectably familiar voice.
"Hey..." Her words coming to harsh halt when she saw the brunette stood before her "Paige why exactly are you topless? Not that I'm complaining, but why?" Laughter seeping from her lips in a disbelieving hiss, Paige's stomach and chest only covered with a beige coloured bandage offering support to her ribs, everything else was completely nude.
"I couldn't get a top on. I spilt a cup full of coffee down my shirt this afternoon. It was easy to take off... not so easy trying to put one back on." Paige's voice sounded ashamed and somewhat bashful, as her eyes burned holes into the ground. Not being able to succeed at something so simple really frustrated Paige, she wasn't usually one to give up.
"You know you could have called me, Pay?" Emily lowered her head, meeting Paige's eye line with an intrigued smirk.
"What so you could have one of your friends come by and check-up on me like you already have been doing... All day long?" Paige shoulders slumped further as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "You know I thought it was nice of Caleb and Jake to call by this morning. I didn't have any suspicions until Spencer decided to chat with me during her entire lunch break, she usually saves that time for studying. That's not something Spencer Hastings just gives up to 'catch-up'. Also, you know I enjoy talking with Aria but when the conversation lasts longer than an hour and turns to how her body is changing with the pregnancy, things get a bit awkward. I don't need a fuckin' babysitter, Em." Paige sighed disheartened, she thought now that she was out of the hospital the twenty four hour monitoring would stop. She stood up again, a low hum of pain spiralling along her ribs as the soft mattress didn't offer enough support, so instead she moved to stand by the dresser. Emily could just about see half of her face in the mirror, the girl was clearly and visibly upset, causing her own heart to sink.
"I thought you'd enjoy their company, I was busy all day... so I couldn't check in. I just wanted to know you were safe, Paige." Emily hummed out sullenly.
"I can still text, Em. I would have sent you hourly updates if you had asked. I didn't need to be pitied by your friends." Paige voice grew in intensity.
"They're your friends too, they care about you." Emily counter-acted.
"Not the point, Em." She shook her head already irritated by the conversation at hand.
"You're right. I'm sorry." Emily gulped unsure of whether she should actually approach her girl, or not.
"I'm twenty-five years old, Em, injured or not, I don't need a minder. I feel pathetic enough..." Her voice trailed on, lowered as it seeped into the heavy air between the two women.
"I know and I'm sorry. I really am..." Taken a deep breath, Emily took three long strides forward, reaching her hands out, before smoothing them over Paige's exposed shoulders and arms. Kissing the skin on her left shoulder evoking a soft scattering of goose bumps. "You feel cold."
"I am a little, that's why I have the heating blasting." Paige turned, the two now face to face. Emily whispered another sorry before brushing the brunette's hair back gently with her fingertips. Their lips joining, it was soft, gentle and faint, not enough to really satisfy either of them, but it was something, and it seemed to help ease some of the tension between them.
"Think you can handle a shower?" Emily proposed, a spark in her own eyes hoping to evoke a similar image in the brunette's.
"Twenty-five, Em. We also paid for a water-proof cast. I think I can handle it." Paige sighed, deflated by Emily's over-protectiveness once again.
"I was joking that time, Paige." Emily smirked, kissing her girlfriend once more. "I'll word it differently then, how would you feel about showering together? That way my boobs can distract your stubborn ass enough to actually let me help you wash your hair and body."
"Hmmm what? You lost me with the word boobs..." Paige grinned, leaning into Emily quickly finding extra warmth within the taller girl's arms.
Emily chuckled too as she eyed over the bandages once they broke apart and began to get ready to help the girl shower for the first time since the attack.
A tension still lingered between the two for the rest of the week. Both growing incredibly frustrated. Paige wanted to do more than just totter between her computer, the couch and her bed. Emily had even refused to let her cook. She was crying out for physical exaltation, most nights they'd end up bickering, going to bed in silence and falling asleep on opposite sides of the mattress. They both missed the contact, the kind loving words and the silly pillow talk that they both come to know so well when Emily would stay over. But as of the past week, the pair were so afraid of creating another argument, silence was most often the best option. It had become routine, at least as over the last three nights, Paige would head off to bed first declaring she was taking her medication and heading in, Emily usually just nodded an acknowledgement knowing the littlest things aside of that, would set them off. Another heated argument. Emily stayed up mindlessly watching late-night TV or writing up clientele reports until she knew Paige would be asleep, deep down she knew Paige was lying their awake, but still neither said a word.
"Hey." Emily offered seeing Paige sat on the couch, staring blankly at the TV, her free hand lightly massaging over her ribcage almost willing it to get better quicker than what it was.
"Hey." Paige's response came, but she didn't even bother to look towards her girlfriend.
"I brought home some stuff to make a salad." Emily chirped, emptying a bag of groceries onto the countertop.
"I already ate, sorry." Paige hummed, still unmoved.
"Okay..." Emily swallowed hard, approaching the couch to sit next to the brunette. "So I was looking at some décor for this place. Maybe some throw pillows, art work for the walls, picture frames. Maybe some extra storage for the bedroom. Some of the clothes are piling up on the chair in the corner."
"Why, you don't like the apartment the way it is?" Paige responded emotionless.
"I do, but it could feel more homely. You haven't really decorated since you moved in, Paige."
"That's your opinion." Paige laughed dryly, "It's fine the way it is, Em. Why try fix something that's not broken."
"It's just a little plain." Emily grinded her teeth together, cringing hearing how awful her words sounded.
"Fine! Don't like it. Move out." Paige's words were harsh but even the most minuet comments seemed to grate on her nerves as of late.
"Paige, it was just a suggestion." Emily scoffed, rolling her eyes.
"Whatever, do what makes you happy! You always do that anyway."
"What the fuck that's supposed to mean?" Emily jumped to her feet defensively, shutting off the TV so Paige might look at her for once in three days.
"I was watching that." She spat out, glaring at her girlfriend. "Drop it, Em. I'm not fighting with you over this, we're not having another argument. I'm so sick of fighting."
"Paige you won't fucking talk to me. Maybe we'd stop fighting if you would just talk!"
"Drop it, Em." Paige stood, grimacing slightly as she pulled herself up a little too fast, the movement causing a twinge to her ribs.
"Paige, I want to know what you meant by that." Emily cried out, frustrated by the lack of communication.
"God, stop fuckin' suffocating me. I need to get out of this place." Paige hissed back grabbing a jacket.
"Where are you going?"
"I'll be back soon." Paige spoke blankly slamming the door behind her, Emily collapsing to the couch in tears. God everything was going wrong. She could hear Emily's whimpers and could only imagine the olive skinned woman's crumpled frame collapsing into the couch as soon as the door slammed shut. Her own breathing was ragged by the time she made it down to the lobby, her heart pummelling wickedly. She felt claustrophobic, but yet the idea of returning back upstairs or heading outside completely petrified her.
"Joe?" She called out. After a minute the older man appeared. "Can you order a cab to meet me outside, please?"
"Is everything okay, Ms McCullers."
"Fine, I just have to meet a friend."
She sat down in an armchair patiently waiting. Nervously she eyed the doorway, flashes of meeting Alex here just days before blinding her memory. She was sweating and in pain, her heavy breathing no doubt to blame for the surging burn in her left side. She shook her head trying to rid her mind of the memories, the feeling of being kicked and beaten only becoming more vivid. Her heart seemed to pick up some more, to an almost impossible rate, her lungs burning like fire starved of oxygen that never seemed to register, even though she was gasping wildly. Vivid imagery of the crash and the attack blended into one, blue and red lights, pain and fear, flashes of the attacker and Emily collapsed body, blood and rain. The sounds of cracking glass, raindrops hitting the pavement and sirens, so many sirens enough to evoke insanity. Sucking in the deepest breath she could endure, she clamped her eyes shut. Trying to force a sense of calm over her anxiety before she collapsed into a full on panic attack, seeking out her pulse on her wrist she focused on slowing the rhythm, she thought of Emily, their kisses and I loves you, reassurance coming in knowing Emily was safe in her, no their apartment upstairs. She might be upset, they were both upset and angry right now, but she was safe.
Emily was safe.
She was safe.
Breathe.
Just breathe.
"Umm sorry Ms McCullers, the cab's just outside." Joe placed a gently hand on her shoulder. The initial touch making her jump, his eyes warm, understanding and kind.
"Do you mind walking me out?" She sounded like a scared child, her vision was blurred by tears she hadn't yet realised her body had shed.
"Are you sure you really want to go?" He questioned, the old man held her eye line, his face soft and showed sympathy. He didn't know much of her story, and yet his eyes held no judgement and for that Paige was incredibly grateful.
"I do, I still need to get out. If I go back up there, I just have another fight with Emily, she doesn't deserve it. Talking with some friends should be good."
He stood reaching out for her hand, he definitely had a fatherly presence about him. She made sure to ask him about his own family one day, registering the worn gold band on his wedding finger.
"You know if you don't face those fears, you're still letting that horrible man, win." He offered his piece of wisdom, answering a question Paige had been too afraid to even think about.
"Thank you, Joe. If you see Emily leaving the building, tell I went to see Spencer." Paige forced a smile, cringing once more as curled her still weakened body to fit in through the car door.
"You'll be back later?" Joe asked, another kind smile.
"I will." She nodded, her heart warmed by the unaltered kindness he showed her.
Emily sat there anxiously, staring at her phone willing it to ring, or not ring. She was still terrified of receiving bad news anytime her phone rang. She couldn't stop her mind from rambling to another scenario where Paige got hurt. Eventually her phone beeped, her heart momentarily frozen with fear before she read over the text message from Spencer.
'Paige is here. She's took a cab over. She's fine and don't worry Toby will get her home before midnight.'
A tear fell from the ledge of her jaw landing on her phone screen, creating a small bead of magnified glass. She was relieved to hear Paige was okay, but it didn't stop the hurt in her heart continue its streak in creating a havoc of worry, insecurity and fear. Paige was pulling away and it was breaking her apart. Not a second later another bead of magnified glass appeared onto the phone screen.
Thanks Spence. X
Her finger working of their own accord as she wrote out a response.
She shook her head now heavy with exhaustion, regretting doing so when she felt a pulsing headache grow in intensity. She hated everything about the last week. All they did was fight, no talking, touching or kissing. It was driving Emily insane, frankly she was terrified of pushing Paige too far, afraid of what the outcome might be.
Yawning, she decided to forego dinner her stomach empty but gone beyond it's stage of hunger now bubbling with nausea. Changing for bed and willing sleep to descend upon her. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to be, her heart and stomach left in a state of unease knowing Paige wasn't here with her, leaving her mind to run riot.
All she wanted to do was kiss her girlfriend, touch her and hold her every time she saw frustration and disappointment shadow her usually bright brown eyes. Emily felt like she needed that too, she craved Paige's touch. The lack of physical connection was torturous for them both. Sucking in a deep breath, she tried to rid the images of stealing Paige's breath with passionate kisses, throwing her on the bed and for lack of a better word, fucking her. Making sweet, raw and passionate love. Showing Paige her whole self, no shields or barriers between them, just them. No more tension, no more arguing, no more grudges held. She wanted to show Paige what her body was capable of, by doing things to it and having Paige do things to her, the strength, fragility and flexibility that was still there under the cuts and bruises. Emily wanted to restore Paige's faith in her body, in herself and in her, but instead Paige had completely withdrawn from her since leaving the hospital, maybe she too withdrew herself. It was cowardly, yet much easier playing the overprotective girlfriend than really facing what Paige was going through. The fear of forcing Paige's healing progress backwards, the fear that she could hurt her with an unaltered touch when a kiss became too heated too quickly, a fear that Paige would just want to give up, stopped her in her tracks. She was frozen, lost in the unknown and trapped by fear. Petrified. So instead here they were trapped sharing the same living area, something they had wished on for months, now pretending the other person wasn't there.
Around quarter to twelve she heard a key in the latch, Paige quietly tiptoed towards the bedroom. "Em, are you awake?" Her voice no louder than a whisper. Emily remained still and silent, she was too exhausted to endure another argument, pretending to be asleep was a better option for them both. She heard Paige sigh sadly on the realisation, before the sound of Paige's laboured breathing grew more intense, a simple task of undressing herself enough to render her breathless, a reminder to Emily why a lack of physical contact was better, safer. Paige found it was too much of a hassle to re-dress herself so sleeping in her underwear would have to do. "Goodnight Em" Her voice faint as she curled her body to get comfortable, moving only as much as her ribs could sustain, rolling up into the blankets for warmth which usually she got from Emily's body, but right not she didn't think that was the best idea.
"Love you." Another whisper.
"You not supposed to drink when on pain medication." Emily uttered, smelling beer on her girlfriend as soon as she climbed into the bed.
"I know." Paige sighed "I only had a bottle, Spencer said it shouldn't do any harm. As for the smell of alcohol, you can blame Toby he dropped an unopen can and sprayed us all." Paige explained. "I just needed to unwind for a night, Em."
"You know the last time you told me, 'I'll be back soon' you didn't come back... you were a beaten and bruised mess on the pavement. Lying half-conscious as the rain poured down on the city." Emily sniffled, chocking back a sob as she bit down on her trembling lips, her back still turned to Paige.
"Shit." Paige felt awful, she had never even thought of that. "I'm sorry, Em. I didn't think of that."
"I just... I want... I" Emily stuttered, her words unfound. She eventually turned facing the brunette, Paige's heart breaking seeing the fear and sadness in her girlfriend's eyes. "
"I know, Em." Paige eased her way around Emily's difficulties speaking her thoughts. "I need to get my own head around it all first." It was a bit of a cop out response but Paige didn't know what else she could say. Emily didn't respond she simply pulled Paige closer, their lips crashing together uneasily, her tongue quickly melting into Paige's becoming intoxicated by the faintest taste of beer on her girlfriend's tongue. Teeth pulling her impossibly closer as she sucked Paige's bottom lip into her mouth, pouring all of herself into the kiss. "Em, we can't." Paige's voice coming out unsteady, she wanted this as much as Emily but she knew if they turned the wrong way or things got too intense and she winced or cried out in pain Emily would hate herself for it.
"I know, I just... I just miss being able to touch you." She tucked her head into the brunette's chest, Paige resting her head upon hers as they embraced.
"I know, Em. Try get some sleep, my love." Paige uttered quietly, feeling Emily relax as her warm breath became more regular against her exposed skin.
"Goodnight, Pay. I love you too."
Pam Fields had been planning a visit to see her daughter for months, the last time she saw her only child was at Christmas and that was only for a week. Plus being honest, she wanted to be around Paige and Emily, and get to see them as real-life couple again. So when the opportunity arose, she had to head up to Rosewood for a few days to check in on the newest tenants, a two day extension of her trip and a bit of travel up to New York just seemed to fall into place.
"Mom!" Emily exclaimed running towards her mother, wrapping the smaller women up in her dangly limbs in the middle of grand central. She missed her mother dearly, especially at times like these when things weren't going so great with Paige. "Do you want to go grab something to eat? Or we could head to the apartment?" Emily almost willed her mother to suggest they stay out and eat, Paige was still in bed when she left. Only grumbling an emotionless goodbye when Emily told her where she was going.
"How about you show me this apartment you now share with Paige." Pam smiled nudging into her daughter's shoulders. Emily quickly sent a text to Paige hoping she would be up by the time they arrived.
"Hello? Paige we're back." Emily called out immediately, heading over to the kitchen area clicking on the kettle while her mother settled into a stool against the countertop. Her heart slowly to it's regular pace when she noticed their bed was now empty, the long black-out curtains pulled back, a sign that Paige was up.
"Hi, Pam. Sorry I was just getting changed it takes me a little while longer at the moment." Paige blushed, as she slowly approached the older woman. Opening her arms to embrace the woman who gave life to the love of her life.
"Not to tight, Mom. Be careful" Emily warned without really thinking, earning another irritated eyeroll from Paige and a slight chuckle to fall from her mother's lips.
"You look good, Paige. These look sore though." She stood on her tippy toes pointing to the stitches on Paige's forehead that had all but scabbed over, making them look worse than they actually were.
"They're actually healing well, I get the stitches out tomorrow which will be good because they're so fu...f-flipping itchy." Emily's eyes grew wide, this was the most animated she had seen Paige since the accident and since there biggest argument a few nights ago, unfortunately it only made her feel worse about their current situation. "This here is what's going to drive me insane." Paige chirped with enthusiasm.
"What your ribs or my daughter?" They both laughed, Paige grimacing when she felt the excess pressure burn into her still healing bones with the jerky motion caused by the laughter.
"What?" Emily looked up hearing the mention of her name, but totally missed the witty remark made by her mother. Eyeing them suspiciously when they shrugged mischievously in unison.
"Yeah, I just want to get going again and I can't. I'm perfectly healthy but anytime I move a certain way or strain my side I'm floored with the pain. I've just been kinda hanging around here." Her voice trailed off. "I know I don't always say it, but Em's been great. Really great." She walked up the two steps into the kitchen area kissing her girlfriend's cheek.
She meant what she said.
Emily pausing to look at her once more, this show Paige was putting on was Oscar-worthy, everything between them the past two weeks had been far from great and here Paige was acting breezy, light-hearted and chill when every day since she had been released she would snap at Emily, or just stay wrapped up in bed or ignore her completely. "I'll leave you two ladies to catch up." Paige kissed Emily once more, her hands snaking around the slightly taller girl's waist from behind as she peered her head just over her shoulder, her fingertips hidden from Pam view scratching and pulling against the fabric of Emily's shirt it was an awkward angle but her lips caught the edge of Emily's jawline, one of her girlfriend's weakest points. Emily body naturally falling into Paige's, they hadn't touched so intimately like this since the little moment they shared in bed once Paige returned from Spencer's. Emily felt foolish for briefly falling for Paige's act, Paige trying to cement over the cracks and act like everything was fine between them for the sake of her mother. She knew the trick well, she had come to perfect it after the car accident too. She was quickly brought back to reality by her mother's intrusive glare. A warm blush rising up her neck, of course Paige kept up her charade shooting a wink, teasingly biting her lips as she walked behind Pam and headed towards the bedroom leaving Emily's dazed, confused and somewhat breathless.
"It's nice seeing you two... so happy. I forgot what you and Paige were like when together." Pam smiled kindly, Emily smiled too. It was hard to hear her mother say such kind words of their relationship, especially given how hard it was for the pair to go a few hours without fighting as of late. Emily looked over, she could just about see Paige in the bedroom, removing her shirt revealing a sport bra as she lay out a yoga mat to do some stretches that Emily had requested she do time and time again since the brunette was released, of courses given Paige's unpredictability they had only happened maybe once or twice. Swallowing hard, her mouth went dry as she caught sight of the girl's abs in what seemed like centuries, she wasn't wearing her bandage support either the bruises had gone down significantly. Her eyes could make out the tattoo once again, as it no longer faded in with the blues and the blacks that once stained her side. Pam stood so she too could see what had caused her daughter to be so star-struck, giggling to herself when she put two and two together. Emily's blush and embarrassment only intensifying when she felt her mother touch her arm.
"So Paige has a tattoo?" She hummed quizzically, Emily looking at her with wide eyes like an innocent doe caught in high-lights.
"W-what?" She gulped once more, sure she was going to die of embarrassment.
"Emmy, I know what it's like to be young and in love. You're both very beautiful, and clearly very attracted to one another. You both have needs."
"Ohmigod Mom! We can't talk about this." Emily blushed, nervously fidgeting with a dish cloth.
"What, Emily? I'm just saying I see how frustrated you both are. I mean I have eyes, and that moment between you two just minutes ago was like a glowing billboard sign stating frustration. I bet aside from that, Paige is probably going mad with nothing to do, especially when her girlfriend looks at her and acts like she made out of fragile glass." Pam mused.
"Mom are you seriously talking about Paige and my sex life."
No... Well yes, I'm just saying go easy on her. Don't be so protective. I've been there with your father when he got hurt at base, he has some nice abs too you know..." Pam's eyes lit up as she spoke of her husband.
"Okay no, that's where we draw the line! I respect what you're saying, but I want to know nothing about you and dad on that certain subject." Emily cringed blocking her ears like a child, trying to stop the image from corrupting her mind.
"Okay fine, I'll give you that. But Emmy you need to remember relationships take a lot of work."
"You don't think I know that." Emily immediately angered and upset by mother's words, shot back harshly. Tears staining her cheeks as memories of how her relationship with Paige broke down all those years ago. Paige momentarily glanced over she couldn't hear the subject of the conversation but she knew when Emily was upset, that being said she decided it was best to let the mother and daughter figure out things amongst themselves without her interference.
"I'm sorry, Emmy, I didn't mean to upset you. But you didn't let me finish, I was going to say relationships take a lot of work, something you and Paige know a hell of a lot about for two people so young. There is always going to be the little things, you'll both come home on a bad day at work and fight over the volume of the TV or neither or you wanting to make a decision about dinner but yet you'll feel safe and loved, because you and Paige have been through so much together. Little things like that are like little bumps on the road, annoying, but ultimately nothing you can't get over.
"You know." Emily spoke, knowing her mother's speech came as a result of her seeing the tensions between Paige and her.
"Paige was doing a pretty good job, but I can sense the upset." Pam nodded sympathetically.
"We were going so well, and then the attack happened and now everything seems like it's going backwards again." Emily voice cracked.
"You're terrified you're going to lose her." Pam suggested, Emily wouldn't look her in the eye.
"Everything I do lately bothers her."
"Have you two tried talking?" Pam questioned reaching out to smooth a hold of her daughter's hand.
"She won't open up to me, Mom." Emily swallowed back the lump in her throat.
"You need to talk to her, too, Emmy." Pam kissed her daughter forehead. "The only way you'll know what she's really thinking is if you talk to her."
"So it was nice having your Mom around for the few days?" Paige offered when Emily settled onto the other end of the couch. Neither touching, the tension still left lingering between them from last two weeks.
"She quickly picked up on the tension between us." Emily replied both pairs of glued to the television set not out of interest more so that they wouldn't have to engage fully. "You gave a pretty great performance, if I say so myself." She regretted saying it the moment it slipped off her lips.
"Emily..." Paige sighed, rubbing anxiously at her forehead.
"What Paige? I've been waiting on answers and for you to open up to me and nothing. I get nothing. You know how pathetic I felt trying to pretend like everything was peachy in front of my Mom, when she knew we were far from it, anyway." Emily voice rose. "God all we do now is fight, maybe moving in together at a time like this, was a bad idea." Emily stood her eye's glistening with tears. Paige still couldn't look at her. "I'm going to Hanna's." Emily grabbed her coat, and walked out the door, this time leaving Paige to sit there in tears.
Paige stayed in the same spot for the rest of evening, she wanted to call Emily or even send a text but she knew she wouldn't get a response, she probably didn't deserve one either. She was in Emily's position once too. She hated when Emily pushed her away after the car crash and locked her out, she knew how hurtful and painful that was. Around eleven pm she heard a familiar sound of Emily's keys jingling against the door, her heart quickly picking up pace.
"What are you doing here?" She looks up in the direction of her girlfriend, her eyes red, sore and tired, Emily looked like a mirrored copy.
"I live here, you were the one who asked me to move in remember? I've wanted this for so long Paige, I'm not going to let a stupid fight break us." Emily remarked, throwing her things down on the countertop.
"Whatever, I'm going to bed." Paige sighed rolling her eyes walking passed Emily into the bedroom. She wanted to talk, she did, but it was so much more easier to dismiss the situation than have to face it. Emily sighed throwing her hands up in the air, her eyes glazing over once more as she walked to fridge grabbing a bottle of water.
Paige had just rolled up in the blankets, when Emily entered making a quick visit to the bathroom before climbing into the bed next to her girlfriend. "Did you have something to eat?" Emily questioned.
"I made a grilled cheese and had some cereal." She replied.
"And took your pain meds?"
"Yeah." Paige sighed, silence hanging between them for a moment.
"Paige?"
"Yeah?"
"If... if things weren't working out, or if you were unhappy in this relationship you'd tell me right?" Emily sniffled quietly, a lump caught at the base of her throat.
"What!? You think things aren't working out?" Paige sat up as best she could, Emily turning to look at her.
"I dunno... It's just all the fighting. Maybe we really do have to reconsider our living situation" Both their eyes searching the other.
"Em, I love you, I'm the happiest I've been in so long. I get you're worried about the fighting, I just hate being cooped up in here, you seem constantly concerned like I'm about to break and it's driving me insane, everyone's treating me like a fuckin child. I've been tense and angry because I can't do anything except for maybe walk from my computer to the bed without being asked if I'm okay. I miss running, and going into the office and just you touching me without worrying your going to hurt me. But believe me when I say, I don't want this to end." Paige flicked her finger between the two them, her own eyes now glistening with tears too.
Emily couldn't respond to that, she was still worried for the state of their relationship. But she knew they were strong too. Something had to change, and she had an idea. Edging closer their lips joined, it was another slow and gentle kiss, one of reassurance and a back up to their words. Emily sucking in a deep breath and the scent of her girlfriend next to her, still soothed by their closeness. Paige smiled, her lips slowly curling upwards as she felt Emily roll into her, it was honestly one of her favourite things. Emily was the taller one of the two yet she always found a way to curl up in bed and sink into Paige perfectly. Paige felt complete having her girlfriend melt into her side, the feel of her warm breath rolling up along her neck or swirling over her chest and falling asleep tp the soft murmurings that danced on Emily's lips whilst in her own world of sleep. It was the little things she'd come to fine a sense of security in, a sense of love.
"You don't have plans for tomorrow?" Emily hummed quietly, her voice vibrating against Paige's skin where she spoke.
"Yeah I have to walk between my computer and bed because my protective girlfriend won't let me do much else." Paige teased.
"I'm sorry, okay. Let me make it up to you tomorrow." Paige saw the familiar glint in her girlfriend's eye knowing Emily had a plan, and that gave her nothing but hope.
"Get up!" Emily voiced, pulling the blinds up shrouding the dark bedroom with light.
"What the fuck?" Paige whined startled by the sudden onset of sunlight waking her from her slumber.
"Paige, it's eleven thirty."
"Yeah and?" Paige sighed rolling her eyes, she had become accustomed to staying in bed well into the afternoon since the attack.
"I'm so sick of the constant bickering between us, Pay. I get it your tired, you ribs are still in pain and frustrated you can't do much more than go for a walk or sit around. Maybe I was walking on eggshells around you, and your right, I know you well enough at this stage that, that wasn't going to work. So time for a change. I hate seeing you like this."
"So what and you don't think I hate feeling like this too." Paige eyes watered up. "The pain isn't going away."
"I know, babe. But you've given up on your exercises, you've stopped taken the medication unless I ask you to take it. You stay in bed nearly all day, and when you're up we do nothing but fight or sit in silence. "
"None of it's fuckin workin', Em!" Paige re-iterated, suddenly frustrated last night she felt so hopeful after her talk with Emily now she felt like Emily was pushing all the blame onto her. What she didn't know was that Emily was doing this on purpose, she was to get Paige fired up.
"It is, just not as quick as you want it to." Paige huffed a heavy held sigh once more.
"It's been almost three fuckin' weeks since I got my ass kicked." Paige shouted in return, Emily holding back a smile, she knew that was part of the problem. Paige's pride took a hit, she knew the attack had triggered her past PTSD too, but she could bring that back up in conversation later. She was successful in finally getting Paige to admit there was more to her anger and frustration than just the pain and lack of mobility.
"Just get up and get dressed." Emily walked out the room, leaving a stubborn Paige behind her.
Eventually they reached their destination, Paige still showing no emotion once she realised where Emily had brought her.
They entered the dressing room, Emily was quick to get changed and was now sat waiting outside her girlfriend's cubicle. She could hear the frustration echo from outside, a mixture of swearing, sighing and deflated breaths.
After about ten minutes Emily knocked on the door, a minute later the lock unlatched. Neither spoke a word as Emily helped Paige get the straps of her swimsuit over her shoulders, too painful a task for her to complete on her own.
"Thanks." Paige's voice was nothing more than a disheartened mumble, her chin lay low as she stared at the ground. Emily didn't say anything in return, she simple slipped her finger beneath her girlfriend's chin, lifting it until their lips met, rolling into a soft understanding embrace.
"Let's go." She entwined they hands dragging a reluctant Paige behind her, it was Paige who re-introduced Emily to the water so now it was her turn to return the favour. "Paige I had to pull a lot of strings with work to get them to open the rehabilitation pool of a Sunday, so you can suck it up and get in with me." She explained, when Paige took a step back from the water's edge.
"Fine." Her voice still low.
Emily dived straight in with ease, Paige however figured entering via the railed steps at the shallow end was a much better option.
"Come on slow poke." Emily teased, before diving below the water surface once more. Entrancing her girlfriend in the same way a mermaid would lure in a sailor. Paige slowly grew more comfortable too, the feeling of water around her feet, re-invoking a strong sense of calm and ease. She moved in further with more determination, Emily was swimming at her own pace minding her own business in the deep end, knowing it was better for Paige to do this alone. The cool water eased the tension around her ribs, her body instantly feeling lighter as she floated the further she walked in. Paige went to move forward preparing her stroke only for her ribs to burn once again, the action causing her to swallow a mouthful of chlorinated water, invoking a coughing and sputtering stint furthering the pain in her side, as she cried out for Emily who was already darting towards her.
"Woah, go easy there Michael Phelps. We're not really here to swim, more like float around to give those ribs and muscles a much needed break." Emily swam forward steadying Paige as she recovered from the sharp pain. "You okay?" Emily asked, the pain still etched on the brunette's features but she instantly felt more at ease with Emily's hand supporting her, wrapped securely around her waist. "You awfully quiet, P. You don't hate me for doing this?" Emily suddenly feeling insecure had she taken the wrong approach with her girlfriend.
"I could never hate you. I love you, Em. That I'm sure of." Paige smiled, kissing Emily once she evened out her breathing again.
"Hold on to me," Emily kissed her cheek, smiling when she felt Paige's arms wrap around her shoulders, Paige's injury had left them with very few opportunities to really hold one another, and being in the water they naturally pulled together. They floated around the pool like that for close to an hour. The pair didn't really talk about much, floating in silence while their intermittingly shared kisses and loving gazes did all the talking they needed in that moment instead. Emily decided to take a chance, gently she pushed Paige against the tiled wall of the deep end, a slight hiss seeping from the brunette's lips on contact, but nothing more. Paige's long lean legs wrapped around Emily, pulling her almost impossibly close, before their lips met melding together in a slow, languid passionate kiss, one which neither had experience to such a heightened intensity since Paige's injuries. Warm tongues and bodies connected, contrasted by the cool swimming pool water bobbing around them. A whimper rolling from Paige's lips, Emily pulling back. "You okay?"
"More than okay." Paige blushed, only then did Emily realise it came as a mumbling of desire not pain. Laughing light, before capturing the shy smile on Paige's lips back into her own, as the heated passion grew in rapid intensity once more. Both knew neither could go much further than kissing and intimate touching above the waistline, but it was enough.
In that moment it was enough.
"Em?" Paige had called out, her voice groggy and tired. She was frankly exhausted after their time in the pool, once the pair returned home she went straight to bed for a nap, she had asked Emily to join her but the raven-haired girl declined sweetly.
"Yeah." Emily peered around the corner not a minute later.
"You doing anything right now?"
"You trying to get me to come to bed again, McCullers." She teased eyeing the brunette suspiciously a grin spreading across her lips.
"No, well yeah... but... just are you doing anything?" Paige asked again, rambling slightly as she yawned before sitting up.
"Well, I was doing a bit of cleaning but I'm basically done." Paige should have known when she heard the sound of Frank Sinatra playing in the background, Emily always listened to him when she was cleaning or needed to be productive. A smile creeping onto her lips as she realised it was another something about her girlfriend that hadn't changed from their time together five years ago to now.
Paige didn't say anymore she simply tapped the space on the bed beside her. Emily grinned back brightly at her, before climbing into the bed without any hesitation. Paige immediately moved over curling her body into the girl's side.
"You're really warm." Paige hummed, her nose tickled with the smell of fresh-scented cleaning products as she nuzzled further into her girlfriend. It was something that never ceased to grow old.
"I might have been dancing around the place too." Emily giggled, explaining why her usually cold body was warmed up, wrapping an arm over Paige while soothing her fingertips up along her back.
They both stayed like that for a few minutes, the smooth tones of Sinatra playing quietly in the distance, only interrupted when Paige decided to talk.
"I'm scared." The words blurted out uneasily. Emily a little taken aback with the harshness they were spoken, she was struck with confusion but she waited for her girlfriend to continue.
"Every time I think of leaving this apartment, I can seem him. Almost feel the relentless kicking and punching, the last full breath of air that I was able to take without feeling my lungs were about to give up. I got hurt and there was nothing I could do about it, nothing I could do to stop him. I should have been able to fight back. If not for myself but for you, Em." Paige paused.
"For me?" Emily looked at her confused even further now.
"You seem surprised by that." Paige paused, she couldn't see Emily's face from the way she was lying but she could hear the uncertainty in her girlfriend's voice. Interlinking their fingers she continued "You're my everything, Em. I know it probably hasn't felt like that over the past three weeks, but you are. We both fought so hard to fall back in love, and maybe we fought too hard at times because it seems to have happened naturally when neither of us were looking. Now the idea that, that night could have been the last time I saw you, terrifies me. In the exact same way I was terrified of losing you the night of the crash." Paige words chocked together, moving to look up at the bronze beauty she caught a glimpse of something in Emily's eyes a raw view of love and almost innocent streams of disbelief.
"I was so scared I was going to lose you too, Paige." Emily hummed allowing a fingertip to trace over the slight crease between Paige's brows, before capturing a teardrop from the corner of her chestnut brown eyes. "I'm sorry for the way I acted when you got hurt. I know what it's like being in your position and yet I treaded on eggshells around you, Paige. Wrapped you up in cotton wool, when I knew how frustrated you were being trapped inside, incapable of doing much. I hated being mollycoddled and I knew you would too, but it was easier. It was my mom who really opened my eyes, I was just as much to blame for the tension in our relationship this past while as you were. I wasn't talking to you either. I knew this would bring back memories of the crash, but I wish you would have told me how scared you were."
"I went to Spencer's that night because I needed to know more about the man who did this to me. Spencer gave me the small few details she had, and she said she get even more information if I wanted her to."
"Did you want to know more?" Emily questioned, her voice calm and steady.
"I did. I do. Spencer text me a few days ago saying she got as much details as possible. I've just been too afraid to follow them up. She really didn't have much when I went to her first." Paige bit down on her bottom lip.
"Oh."
"I'm still scared, Em. It's strange, I'm terrified of this stranger and I only want to know more about him. I want to try and understand how someone could attack someone else so violently. I don't even want to imagine what he could have done to Alex had I not been there." Paige posed, swallowing the lump sitting uneasily at the bottom of her throat.
"You know when Hanna was pregnant with Jacob, she used to torture herself reading horror stories online about labour. So one day I asked her why she did it, and she told me she wanted to be prepared for anything that may happen. In a weird way it was like a safety mechanism for her, it offered her a sense of control. I did some research too."
"About labour?" Paige was hit with confusion this time, her question causing Emily to laugh.
"No, you idiot! I did some research on car crash victims and car crash survival rates, you know we fall under ten percent for coming out a car accident like our one, alive with both us to still have full use of all limbs. It puts a lot of things into perspective when you look at the bigger picture. At least it did for me. I know I always say it was Jake who was my motivation to get better, he came into all of our lives at just the right time and encouraged me to fight to have my right leg back to full use. But when I read those stories and personal accounts online, I knew it was selfish of me not to at least try when so many people end up losing their limbs, or their ability to walk or worse happens. You might find, that this guy has never had a police record in his lifetime, or maybe he has done awful things before and just never got caught. But is it up to you, and only you to decide if these things will be enough to help you move past what he did." Emily explained, Paige eyes hadn't once strayed from hers as she looked mesmerised by the girl's explanation. "We can go and talk to Spencer tomorrow, together? Or maybe we could have her come by here?" Emily suggested.
"Yeah." Paige gulped, she still felt on the verge of tears but having finally opened up to Emily she felt a million times lighter, almost untouchable held safely within her girlfriend's arms. "I think that's a good idea."
Laying her head onto Emily's chest once more she eased her breathing to match her girlfriends. Kissing the soft skin just below her neck, unknowingly shooting a thrill of shivers racing around Emily's body. "You're amazing, Emily Fields. You know that, right? You make me feel untouchable." Paige hummed, her hand travelling under the girl's shirt smoothing over the soft skin before homing in on the raven haired girl's racing heart, trembling fragilely beneath the surface. "I love you."
Emily smiled softly, she never felt like she adequately took care of her girlfriend. It was always an insecurity taunting her, hidden in the back of her mind. She never felt confident in being Paige's safe place, it was tough given how often she relied on Paige for that kind of support especially after high school. She was always terrified of not being enough, when Paige needed someone to reassure her. It was only proven to her when she pushed Paige away, let them both down and broke Paige's heart after the car accident.
She never truly felt like she could endow the same feeling of safety, security and warmth that Paige so often entrusted on her.
Until that very moment.
"I love you, too."
[A/N] Thanks for reading. Did you see Locum Tenens has returned, that was one of the many wonderful Paily pieces on that inspired me to give writing a go. I may not be the best but I'm learning and writing has grown to become something I really love, so with that, if you thinking about writing something, anything, give it a go. Good, bad, brilliant or awful give it a chance you never know what might come out it. With all that being said I would love to hear you thoughts and opinions on this chapter, so please review? I don't always reply to them being so bust but I promise and I continually say it, they're the reason this story keeps growing. THANK YOU and until next time -KTF