I am so exited for those who had chosen to follow my story! I cant tell you how much that means to me! Well here it goes the second part, I hope you guys like it.
Almost every character belongs to SM.
I could not believe it, this is madness. How is this possible?
Had I been dreaming all this time?
The pure thought of that gave me the chills.
I ran out of my room and everything was the same as I remember, up to the T. From the crazy paintings that my mom made when we were in California, to the flower vases gone wrong.
I sat in the middle of the living room floor, confused and dizzy.
The clock marked 5:30 in the morning, the faint glow of dawn cutting thru the window. I looked towards the kitchen, a calendar always hanging on the wall, different post it's reminding me when payments were supposed to be made, March 22 2006 was marked as today's date. My mind in shambles, was it all a mere product of my imagination, was their beauty and nurturing nature just a spec of a story made up in my head.
No! I refused to believe Edward and the Cullen's were just a dream, I refused to believe Emma was just a product of my imagination, never meant to be real. The pure possibility of that got me to a place where I didn't want to be. It must be nightmare.
But it wasn't, I knew for sure that they were as real as me, harden flesh, scarred and united.
They were my family, even though they didn't know it yet.
My breath got caught on my windpipe; I knew the why of this mysterious reboot, I had been lucky enough to be given a second chance at life, a second chance of forever. So many mistakes and regrets, every memory of us marked on my flesh.
A reminder of what had been lost.
In this mysterious second reality, If I wanted my husband and my child together again I had to make several changes, the old Bella was dead, this is the new Bella, me, I had lost everything and I am not willing to make the same mistake twice.
"After all the truth has always been your gift" revelation after revelation kept coming my way, that is my gift, I had been just like Edward and Alice, even Jasper. My instinct had always gotten me the answers, like that one time with Victoria during the battle against the newborns or when Edward left me; I knew that jumping off the cliff would get me to him eventually, I knew that distracting Victoria was the way to go, destiny was putty on my hands, but it was blocked…
My thoughts are blocked, shielded against the world; I bet the Cullen's would think my theory fascinating. This time everything would be different, I knew what caused our downfall in the first place.
My sorrow came back full force, Emma does not exist in this reality, and I couldn't be farther away from Edward. I stood by the window on the living room, the weight of the situation hanging over my head.
My child gone, that was the first mistake that I needed to change, when I first found out I was pregnant, the whole family- even me – we treated the pregnancy like a human pregnancy, we never even thought about the possibility about the baby having vampire needs, just abilities. My baby was hungry; she didn't receive enough nutrients to survive after the birth. She needed blood; my baby needed different food that I couldn't give her back then.
And my body was extremely malnourished, even before I got pregnant, I knew Edward was worried about that, but I refused to listened, I felt fine. But If I was as fine, my body could have carried the baby longer. I looked at my reflection on the window and for the first time I saw me as I truly was. Too skinny, transparent, and erasable. I never worried about my own health; I had to worry about everyone else first, no matter how many times Rene or Charlie worried over me, I just never listened.
Looking at the reflection on the window…
Always the clumsy Bella, the one that needed to be rescued from everything, if not by Edward or the family, it was by the wolves. I guess I've never realized how truly breakable I was.
Things need to start getting on motion; I couldn't stay here sitting in the living room for the next two years. Because If I let it all happen again, at the end nothing would change.
I was so absorbed in my inner list of things to do that I didn't notice my mother walking into the room. She was wearing her signature silky robe; it was pale orange with a long gypsy kind of gown on the bottom: very Rene. She looked back at me, as if knowing that I was no longer her fifteen year old daughter, but a complete stranger, she was as always really perceptive to her surroundings. Maybe, only maybe my eyes gave me away.
- Morning mom – only then she smiled at me.
- Morning baby! Had an interesting night? – Yes, she noticed, she tried to sound uninterested while walking towards the kitchen to make her daily dose of organic coffee or something very close to it.
- You could say that again – The clock showed 6:30, today was school day, I should get ready for it – it was mind blowing.
- Well, it suits you just fine baby, you look truly awake.- her timing as always impeccable.
- I feel awake; actually I have been considering doing some changes around mom. Would you mind if I join you at your Yoga class this afternoon. – I know she didn't want me to see the surprise on her eyes, but she wasn't very good at it, she had insisted for ages that I should joint, if only to improve my balance. – I am just tired of getting hurt all the time you know? It gets old.
- That sound great darling! It will be so good for you. Is there anyone special you want to impress? – She tried to look uninterested again but then she is pretty awful at it.
- No, just for me; and you know, the bones I haven't broken yet.
- Sounds good enough to me!
Well Yoga is mother approved.
Being back in this school was earthshattering. It just reminded me of the days I would spend with Edward and the rest of the family. It makes me feel restless, I just wanted to go home already, but I knew it wasn't the right way to approach the problem. If Edward saw me today it would be so much harder for me to get to him at the end.
Unfortunately for me I remembered every single detail of everything.
The classes were just a déjà vu, I could remember most of the stuff the teachers were talking about, most of my classes were regular at this point last time, I would not have to worry about AP curses until next semester. I was a little panicked this morning, because I mean we are talking freshmen year all over again, that's the stuff nightmares are made of.
I ate by myself at lunch, no one to sit with, my old beaten book resting on my well-worn backpack. If I had been depressed before school started, this made so much worse.
And just like promised, once school is over, Rene is waiting for me at home, a yoga mat under each arm, she is wearing Yoga pants; As if that wasn't the worst part, to make matters worse, she wanted me to wear them as well. I fought it but I knew there was no winning when it came down to my mother and clothing; after all she is almost as bad as Alice.
I better get used to it.
- No! This is… too painful. – I could barely form a complete sentence.
- Honey you need to relax, if you don't relax there is no point in doing this. – my mother was doing something called the standing bow pose, she is holding her right leg in the air behind her while her other leg is planted on the floor giving her balance; her arms are pointing forward, making an arrow and bow figure, I guess now I knew why Phil didn't mind marrying her so fast, the woman was flexible!
Ew! Not the right train of thought.
- I can't… do this no more – I was trying to do the same pose; however I wasn't as successful as my mother. I could put my leg as high as she could; holding it there was the main issue in my case.
- Yes you can silly! You just need to strengthen your muscles, you know you should join to my kickboxing class with me, that and the yoga could do wonders.
- Guess so, I could give it a try. – It sounds extremely painful though, I might die in the process.
- Great! We could use this as our bonding time! – Even my face muscles hurt so all I could do was nod and try not to cry out in agony.
I am doing this for my daughter, my daughter and for my husband he is not losing us again, for my family; that was my mantra, the only consolation I had while getting stronger.
Emma and Edward
Time went faster and faster, sometimes it felt as if someone was pressing the fast-forward button in an imaginary remote control, school continued, I had to make a couple of friends; however I tried to keep them at arm's length, I didn't want to miss anybody if I could help it, sure we ate lunch together but I think they just wanted to eat with me out of pure pity.
I was always alone.
I missed Edward terribly; my hormones were raging, horny all the time. I found that masturbation would take the edge off the day sometimes, I had never truly experience it before; never curious enough. I wanted him, I needed him, and the only thing I could hope for is for him to need me too. For him to feel me, the same way I do without him being here. Some days the longing gets unbearable.
While the time passed, each week I could see a new change in my body, my hips grew rounder, my waist slimmer and my breasts were perkier, also my skin changed tones.
The yoga lessons helped, I also went to take kickboxing with Rene, which at the beginning was very challenging but I was willing to make the effort. The problem with my balance got worse on the long run, if that was a possibility. So my mom practically forced me down to the doctor's office. Doctor Lewis, a really nice doctor, he performed a bunch of different tests on me, blood withdrawal, pee, feces and a physical exam; thankfully everything came back ok, but Dr. Lewis diagnosed me with muscle weakness, yes that's a thing! He recommended exercise and a strict diet. I guess I knew the answer all along.
My mom took it really seriously, I had to eat a shit load of greens and proteins, junk food was out of question, which I kind of expected. I had to take at least 2 smoothies made of fruit and vegetables with a weird muscle mix per day, let me just tell you, it was disgusting. But the results were there; my weight went from 98 pounds to 110 in question of weeks. Now I realized how underweight I was, how lanky I looked, even my skin color changed a bit; I am still on the fair side but finally after years of malnourishment I was able to get a little tan. According to Dr. Lewis it should be better if I gained at least another 5 pounds, that in order to gain more muscle mass.
I feel good with my body.
Kickboxing was fun, also my mom insisted in gymnastics, I guess I never knew how fun sports can be when you're good at them. I liked gymnastics so much I decided to join the cheer squad at school next semester. My mom looked so proud I just had to try.
But it made me wonder; all this changes had turned me into someone else, not the same Bella I was in forks, not better but at the same time not worse, just a different kind of Bella. Would Edward be attracted to this new Bella?
"Yes" our love ran deeper that just out an appearance, which is a fact.
And before I knew my freshman year was over, during the summer I helped my way to the cheer squad coach, I was her assistant as part of my "community service hours", she liked me enough and she saw my physical progress, she went as far as to ask me to join the squad; I agreed. The strict workout regimen and diet continued; I reached 115 pounds of muscle. I practiced the old school routines all summer, I thought about getting a part time job, but I was still 15, that didn't give me plenty of options.
By the beginning of sophomore year football season was on reeling, the cheer squad was booked for practices and performances. To my unfortunate luck I was the smallest "petite" member of the team, which meant? I was the one thrown into the air, every single time…
Today is our first performance, the first football game of the season. Feeling awfully nervous all I could eat and keep down was a couple of fruits and a granola bar. Our uniform consisted of a crop top that only reached 3 ½ fingers under my breasts, and a high waist skirt with shorts underneath, the school colors Red and black.
And also I am sporting a brand new belly piercing; mom can be really persuasive when she wants to be. It also gave so much more confidence that I gave it credit of. Rene told me it was my birthday present, with something else that I would eventually get to see.
With every single modification I did to my body, I wondered how different the situation could have been. But in the past few months I learned to not dwell on the past, it drives me nuts!
I was not the only one nervous though, my team mates were pissing in their pants too; it made me feel comfortable. I mean this is nothing compared to what I been thru, I died and came back ready to change the same outcome.
Confident never suit me this good.
- Bella are you ready? – Coach asked.
- I was born ready coach – not for this, but I was ready just the same.
- Good! That's the spirit.
- Let's do it! - Some of my team mates shouted from behind, their faces were flushed with excitement.
- Yeah!
The football field was filled with the players already; the crowds were screaming from the bleachers. I felt the need to run. However the squad was ready and so was I; we performed just like we practiced a million times, a couple of details got out of hand when Melissa, she is in the right end of the pyramid, fell on her ass, but she got right back to it without a problem. I think the most complicated thing was to always keep a smile on my face, I would concentrate so much on the movements I tend to forget that facial expressions can be just as important.
We made it thru.
At the end of the game we won 23-15, everyone was exited; the school paper took pictures of everyone. I was walking towards the parking lot -where I knew Rene should be waiting for me- when I got a glimpse of him…
-Daddy! –There by the bleachers, my dad was standing with mom waiting with a rose bouquet, I ran as fast as I could – which was pretty impressive compared to past experiences – Charlie gave the bouquet to mom and she took it without a problem.
His arms wide opened received me, he had never hugged me like this, well except for my wedding day, but that is still way ahead of time. I thought I would never get to see him again; I hugged him harder.
- I can't believe you are here! – My voice sounded strange even to me, it must be the tears.
- I could never miss this, you are so great! – I don't remember my dad giving me compliments very often, I mean he always said I was smart and a "good kid" but to tell me that out front; it kind of knock me out.
- Thanks dad – I hugged him one more time, my mom got closer to us, and I got her trapped in a family hug, she laughed and just let herself feel the love! Dad took the flowers and placed them on my arms, I smiled at them both; a little plastic square shaped with a pound and a number one sticking at the top, for the first time I felt like I was their number 1 everything.
Rene took her time taking pictures of me by myself, with the squad, coach even a couple of football players, my favorite picture though; is the one when both my parents are hugging me in the middle, that one couch helped us take. Both my parents decided to take me to dinner, a fancy Italian place. I guess some of the most important dates in my life will be in Italian Restaurants. My dad gave me his jacket because according to him, a father should never see his daughter with a crop top.
I agreed.
During dinner I had the strongest need to tell my parents that I had decided to move to Forks, but I wasn't sure it was the right time to do it.
"No time like the present" My mother's in law voice kept creeping me out every single time I hear it. I sometimes hear her during the night, nothing very specific; I think that's her way of telling she was always close by just to remind me that this is not a dream.
- Mom, dad… - I got their attention – I have been considering lately… um I want to live with dad for a while.
- What?! – They almost shouted at the same time.
- It's just I want to spend more time with dad before I have to go to college – I tried to explain myself – it's nothing against you mom, it's just I don't know when will I have the chance to connect with dad again.
- Have you really thought about it? – my mom's sadness is palpable, and of course my dad felt bad for her, however I could see a hint of hope hidden behind his eyes.
- Sure, I could move second semester of my junior year, which would get me one more year to finish community service and accumulate AP credits. Of course if it's not trouble for dad…
- Well we can sure discuss this later on. – my father nodded but also added his own opinion – It's not a problem to me Bells, you know my home will always be your home, but you should talk it out with your mom.
And with that, I set the ball rolling, Rene was sad but happy – the complexity of her feelings didn't go beyond me- I wanted to give dad a chance to really have a daughter and father relationship. We set up a budget for a car and clothes I could take with me once I leave phoenix.
During the spring of my sophomore year, my mom met Phil, and just like last time they fitted together like pieces of a puzzled. I also got a job, I was the receptionist at a community center, sometimes I would help with the Yoga classes or the Karate class for the kids, which made me think of Emma, and got me sad all over again. I tried to talk to Charlie at least once a week. He told me he got a surprise for me once I get to Forks.
My red truck, it better be my old red truck.
I was getting more and more restless with each passing week, I felt like a lion trapped in a cage. When I least expected the summer was over and my mom told me she was getting married in August. The wedding was in Cancun Mexico, beautiful place. Mom finally got her happy ending. I was waiting for mine.
Once my birthday and October rolled around, we bought the airplane tickets; mom and Phil decided to move along to the East coast. When coach found out I was moving, the squad threw me a good bye party at the gym. They made me promise that if I joined the cheer squad over there I wouldn't cheer as well as I do it for Phoenix. The same thing happened at the community center once I presented my resignation letter.
Rene and I went shopping for winter clothing, with all the money we saved up during the year my closet increased in size and quality for sure. Also Phil bought a new laptop for me to use, now I had no excuse for my inconsiderate lack of communication with my mother.
My mom had a different goodbye present for me. Her latest hobby has been photography, so, she bought a ton of new outfits that a mother should never make her teenage daughter wear and she took me to the desert to take pictures of me. I refused to participate at the beginning, but my mother can be quite manipulative with those tears. The present of course was more directed towards her than me. But I got to admit she takes really good pictures. She even bought heels, and I am talking really high heels. Once she got the pictures she wanted, she agreed to help me pack my clothes, books and the rest of my belongings; and we sent them thru the mail. Charlie called five days later to tell us the boxes had arrived.
After New Year's Eve I was packed. My flight was on a Friday, January 4th during the afternoon. Exactly like the last time Phil drove my mother and I to the airport, the windows rolled all the way down and Rene talking about how much she was going to miss me; she was bubbling from the front seat; as if that would change my mind. Unlike last time I was extremely excited. The electric current running wild on every pore of my skin, it only told me Edward was getting closer and closer, almost like an Edward radar, just so much better.
Just like last time my mother took me to the other side of the airport, I could tell she wanted me to change my mind, and I understand, I understand a mothers love now, and just like she wanted me to stay, I needed to go and take back what had been taken from me; my own daughter, my own flesh and blood.
And my husband, but of course I couldn't tell her that.
- Take care darling, and say hi to Charlie for me ok?- she was fully crying at this point and I couldn't take it, so I just hugged her as hard as I could, she needed this, but I think I needed it more.
- I will, I love you mom.
- Oh honey! I love you too!
After the heartbreak and all the tears we could finally move on as it was planned, I would try to call her just as much as I could. Life is about to get a new level of hard.
Thanks for your kind reviews!