Chapter 15
He is human
Sephiroth spent most of his evening with his friends utterly distracted. While they were 'doing shots' and other drinking games together he sat gazing into the distance.
Why they drunk like that he didn't understand. Having a soldier modified body meant that on average, four times more alcohol needed to be consumed before their bodies would begin to feel the effects. Meaning drinking sessions would cost a fortune. Then there was his body. Sephiroth couldn't recall ever getting drunk. He tried, once, at the push of genesis and Angeal, but after almost three bottles of straight vodka and yard of beer all he suffered from was a chronic need to pee. He decided he would never try it again and save his money for more enjoyable things. Like food.
Tonight however, even the gooey pile of nachos in front of him was mostly untouched as Sephiroth thought of Meia. He wondered if he should send her a message to make sure she was ok but each time he reached for his phone, the same feeling stopped him. What was it? Fear? Embarrassment? He took his phone out and stared at it again yet again, bracing himself as Genesis stumbled backwards into him.
"Your hopeless, you know that Seth? Yoush…should just call her, y'know?" He said, resting his chin on Sephiroth's shoulder. The tall man shrugged him off,
"And you should take it easy in case someone from the theatre see's you" He retorted, pocketing his phone again. Genesis snorted and leant on the bar. Sephiroth looked at Angeal, who understood his hint and stood on his other side, away from Genesis, who was starting to break into out of tune warbling.
"Why don't you just go and see her. It's obvious you want to" The older, more sober man said to him quietly.
"Is it? I don't know what I want Angeal…I'm still so lost in all of this. I don't know what I feel for Meia"
"So why don't you go to her and try to work it out? You say you've never felt like this before…so now would be the best time to explore your feelings"
"But…I don't want to use her as an experiment Angeal. What if I hurt her?"
"Saying that…I doubt you will, not intentionally anyway. Listen to me. Go to her. Talk with her. Laugh with her. I know you can laugh properly, without your hand in front of your face…" Angeal said, pushing Sephiroth's lips out and up into a forced smile, "See? Beautiful. Who could say no to that…"
Sephiroth raised an eyebrow, still sporting his 'assisted' smile. Angeal laughed,
"I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what to make of you either. It would be healthy for both of you. Now go, before you have to endure Genesis's singing"
Sephiroth looked at Angeal and smiled properly. The big, scruffy man always gave him the boost he needed,
"Alright, I'll go. Thank you Angeal. What would I do without you…"
"You'd have to get your own takeaway. Good luck kid" He said with a wave. Sephiroth threw his coat on and walked out into the cold night air. Normally he didn't let Angeal get away with calling him that, but tonight he didn't care. He began walking back to the Shinra building and took his phone out of his pocket again and found Meia in his address book. It rang a few times which almost caused him to worry but finally she picked up,
"H-hello..? Sephiroth?" She sounded bleary eyed and dazed,
"Hello Meia, I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"Yea..well, no…I was just dozing really. What's up?"
He took a steadying breath, "I wanted to check up on you and make sure you're alright"
He heard her exhale through her nose softly, "Well…I feel awful to tell you the truth. And hungry, but mostly awful…"
"Think you're up to food?"
"Taken slowly I recon I could…"
"Alright. I'll bring you something…" He started to say, but she interrupted him,
"To my room? But…it's too small really, and…it's a mess"
"Ok then. Meet me at my floor in thirty minutes" He heard her start to splutter so he didn't give her a chance to object,
"Don't argue with me Meia, I'll see you soon" He told her softly. She said a quiet 'ok, bye bye' and hung up. Maybe that was a bit harsh. He sighed; how anyone was meant to be good at this he couldn't figure out.
***
Meia stared at her phone for a good while after she hung up. Did she hear him right? He wanted her to come up to his place? Half of her was grinning from ear to ear. The other half was nervous. She was trembling slightly but she told herself it was the injection.
Eventually she managed to pull herself together. She had yet another wash, she still swore she could smell vomit even after enough scrubbing to remove a layer of skin. Then she began rifling through her wardrobe; a room invite was a casual thing right? She could always change if it was inappropriate. She found a comfortable pair of form fitting, thigh length shorts, a tight, long ribbed vest and a worn old sweater that was too large for her and threw them on. Not glamorous, but she had a hunch Sephiroth wouldn't care. Her scalp felt tight and itchy so she let her hair down. Probably another side effect of the injection, she thought, as she massaged it. She tried to coax it into something more representable, but she had laid on it damp and it just wasn't happening. She shook it up and left it. It was an accurate image of what she felt like anyway. Finally she slipped on some sock slippers and made her way upstairs, looking and feeling, a fright.
Sephiroth clutched the paper bag containing food in-between his teeth as he fumbled about in his pocket for the key card that opened the apartment tower. His other hand was occupied holding a cardboard tray with a big serving of green bubble tea for him and an even larger serving of hazelnut latte for Meia. Finally he freed the key from its holdings and scanned himself in the building. As he rode the elevator up he noticed his stomach was doing strange things again. The 'feeling' was back. He took a steadying breath and focused on the key panel as it ticked through the floors.
12…
..13….
.14..
I hope she hasn't been waiting for too long…
….21..
22…
..23……
She did like hazelnut right? And who didn't like BLT sandwiches…
27…
28….
29…..
…..what if she's vegetarian….she ate meat at Howl's summit, I think…..
31
32…
Oh Gaia…..
Meia looked up as the glass elevator came to a gentle stop. She swore she saw Sephiroth take a deep breath before stepping out. Immediately the delicious scent of a hot creamy latte began to waft up her nostrils and her stomach gave an uncomfortable churn. She didn't realise, through the general feeling of un-wellness, how hungry she was. She smiled as he came closer, her eyes straying disobediently to the coffee cup on the tray in his hand,
"Go on, take it. I can see you're desperate…" Sephiroth said with a small laugh. Meia obliged straight away and took a long sniff, as was her tradition, before swallowing some. She felt better already.
"Thank you, you remembered my favourite, I'm impressed"
"Of course. I'm not just a skilled grunt remember?" He replied, handing her the bag to hold while he fished his card out again. Meia fondly remembered the reference as she watched him swipe his card and key in his pin, turning away from it out of respect. He motioned for her to enter first and she hesitated, before stepping inside. Straight away the small armoury room caught her eye and she couldn't help but stare. All this stuff…
"I'll show you that later if you're still interested" Sephiroth said, noticing her rubbernecking.
"Ah, I didn't mean to stare. It's just jealousy, living in a shoebox will do that to a person" She replied flippantly.
"Hmm, yes…I remember the shoeboxes…."
"You used to live in one too?"
"Of course. I wasn't always first class after all. Plus they didn't trust a…young…person in these big apartments"
Meia looked at him, "Young…? I don't-"
Sephiroth met her gaze and gave her a sceptical look, which caused her to stop what she was saying,
"How about we settle down instead of spending our evening conversing in my hallway?" He stated, crossing his arms and taking amusement in her embarrassment. She mumbled something about that being a good idea and took a step up,
"Oh, do you want me to take these off? They are just room slipper sock…things"
"No, they're fine"
She nodded and walked through the hallway. The apartment really was quite impressive and her first impression was of the floor to ceiling window that ran all the way through, marking the outer wall of the place. A balcony was visible through the glass, but it didn't have much in the way of furniture. None at all in fact. Directly opposite the entranceway was the living area; a large cream corner sofa surrounded a glass coffee table with something green under the glass and a large flat screen TV was mounted on the window. Meia looked back at her host,
"Permission to be nosy…?" He smiled and nodded.
She said a quick 'thanks' before venturing forwards with a little more confidence. The place was open plan apart from the entrance. To her immediate left was a sleek wooden set of stairs which led to an elevated bedroom area. She wasn't sure if being nosy was enough to let her explore up there, but Sephiroth brushed past her, telling her not to worry and that nothing in here was considered scandalous. To him anyway. Meia took another swig of her coffee and trod gently up the stairs.
His bed was a sumptuously comfortable looking affair, large and low to the ground with numerous throws, duvets and pillows. It was at least twice the size of hers. She looked at it longingly, her body almost aching to lie down. A big floor to ceiling screening wall, made out of what looked like intertwining wood, shielded the actual bed from below. She admired the taste of the architect, and then felt bitter at the small room she occupied a few floors down. Now Meia understood where the budget went.
She turned around and walked towards what she presumed was the bathroom, the entrance en suite in the left hand wall. She 'ooo'd quietly as she stepped inside. It was a wet room, the place was tiled all over with almost bronze looking mosaic. It, like the area it joined too, was also split level with the shower and bathtub taking up all the lower area and the sink, vanity and mirror on the bedroom level. She couldn't help but nose at the shower and bath. She longed to take a bath somewhere, her shoebox being devoid of one. Stepping down into the lower half she admired the shower, actually built into the ceiling so it cascaded down like rainfall, but the contents of the alcove where toiletries were stored caught her eye.
Finally, she had discovered the source of the odd, pleasant smells that followed Sephiroth about. He had a week's supply of hair care all lined up ready to use in duel bottles; one side containing the shampoo, the other conditioner. She picked one up and peered at the label; Shinra brand no less 'orange blossom' She checked she wasn't being watched and flipped one of the lids and took a sniff, before replacing it, picking up her coffee again and trying to act like nothing had happened.
"I uh…like your bathroom…" She said, descending the stairs and trying to act innocent.
"Hmm, thank you. When I first moved in I thought it was too extravagant. But I soon got used to it"
"I'd kill for a bath like that…" She half muttered. Sephiroth simply looked at her, cocking an eyebrow,
"Come and eat Meia, before it spoils too much" He encouraged, placing the paper bag on the coffee table. She nodded and made her way over, perching daintily on the edge of the soft leather sofa. The green stuff under the table's glass looked like moss…lots of different moss. She peered at it. Come to think of it, his whole apartment was decorated with a green, organic feel. She picked up the bag and noticed he was watching her,
"I hope your planning on relaxing, Meia, I didn't bring you up here for a mission briefing" He told her softly. She looked away sheepishly, before drawing her legs up and sinking right back into the sofa. Ah, it felt so good. So soft and squashy. If she wasn't careful she'd drift off again…
Sephiroth watched her get comfortable; he hoped she wasn't being overwhelmed. She did look terrible, but in a way that made his heart ache for some reason. When he looked at her, his instinct was to comfort, to protect. He had no idea where these instincts were coming from. He was nervous as well, very nervous, but much like her was good at hiding it. He wondered what they were going to talk about…
"BLT?" She asked, bringing him round,
"Yes, I should have asked if you like it now I think about it…"
"Ah, no worries, I do. Just looked like you were zoning out a bit"
He simply laughed and laid back. Zoning out was a problem of his. Once he had a proverbial bee in his bonnet he would become determined to close out most of the world around him and devote his time to whatever was bothering him. When he was younger he actually found reactor mechanics so fascinating he didn't come out of the Shinra data rooms for a week. His teachers thought they would be fired, as a course that was meant to take a good four months to complete he finished in just under one.
"I do that quite a lot I'm afraid" He said finally. Meia acknowledged him through a mouthful of sandwich. He let her finish before he spoke again, flicking through the news channels while he waited.
"How did you find the injection today?" He asked. Meia stopped wiping her mouth with a napkin and thought. How could she describe it? She couldn't…she'd never experienced pain like that before. She picked up her coffee and adjusted her position so she was facing him,
"I really had no idea. I thought the injections were just a myth. Of the few soldiers I did know, all of them told me they just had to bathe in the stuff. I was utterly terrified…" She took a swig of coffee and looked at the lid,
"Well, I'll tell you a secret. Up until now, only the three of Us received injections…" He trailed off as she looked up at him,
"So…why me as well now?" She asked quietly. Sephiroth shook his head,
"Only Hojo knows the answer to that…" He replied, not quite containing the malice he felt towards the man.
"You really don't like him, do you?" She stated quietly. Sephiroth thought a moment, before replying,
"No, I don't. His personality is unsettling, he annoys me with his arrogance and taunts me constantly. Ever since I was a child…." He paused. He didn't want to go down that road, not yet. He didn't want to scare her…
She seemed to realise, "You don't have to…tell me I mean. Not if it's hard for you…"
Sephiroth smiled sadly. She was very good at that, picking up on feelings. Much like Angeal. But he'd known him long enough to know that sometimes, forcing him to talk was the best thing. He sighed,
"Another time then" He decided out loud, Meia nodded.
"You know, I'm still having a hard time believing we met as children" She laughed, finishing her coffee and placing the empty cup on the table, "The probability just seems impossible. Did you know Genesis and Angeal as kids too?"
Sephiroth shook his head, "No. I met them when they joined SOLDIER"
"Really? So…you guys haven't been friends for long?" She was slightly puzzled.
"Oh, we've known each other for quite a while actually…" He trailed off again. He knew where this was heading and he cringed inwardly. He could feel her looking at him…
"I just assumed you all joined at roughly the same time, considering you're all the same rank"
"Not exactly…" He rubbed his neck gently. He could feel it; he was about to divulge what he didn't really tell anyone. Strangely, he only felt mild awkwardness as opposed to anger. What he normally felt if someone tried to pry into his private life. He took this as a good sign. She was still looking at him, so he folded his leg under himself and looked at her,
"They joined SOLDIER when they were in their late teens, eighteen and nineteen to be exact. I was a second at the time…just about to make first. The first…er, first…to be exact"
Now Meia really was confused. How could he be a second so young? He must have joined when he was…"Are you kidding me? You joined SOLDIER when you were about sixteen?"
Sephiroth took a deep breath, "No. at sixteen, I'd been a second for a year" He looked at her, "I started active duty at the age of thirteen…" He finished, looking away. Meia simply stared, before blurting before she could stop herself,
"How old are you now?"
"…twenty"
She stared at him. He was two years younger than her. Two years?! She could hardly believe it. And a SOLDIER so young? That seemed borderline cruelty. She had so many questions she couldn't isolate one to ask him. Meia was utterly flabbergasted. Sephiroth, however, was quite enjoying the fluster she was now in, and he laughed inwardly to himself. Angeal and genesis had reacted the same way. Finally, Meia managed to compose herself again,
"You act so mature, so…responsible" She said, her voice tinged with sadness, "You had to grow up so fast…" She watched him react to her last statement, casting his eyes down as if in regret.
"Something like that…" He said finally. Meia scooted a bit closer to him,
"I'm sorry…"
"I thought I asked you to stop saying sorr-"
"No, I mean it. I'm sorry for you. I can see something in you, something that hurts but your hiding. Hiding is fine, I do it too…but you said it yourself, I'm your friend. If you don't want to tell me now I'm fine with that, but don't hide yourself from me. You have no reason to…" She said firmly, almost astonished at her own confidence which seemed to surface all of a sudden.
Sephiroth simply stared, stunned. No one ever spoke to him that forcefully, only Angeal. No one had the guts to speak to him like that, but Meia…she had said exactly the same thing as Angeal did that day…don't hide yourself from her…
"I-I just…my past, my childhood… no one will give me answers," It was his turn to drop his guard, "I've tried all my life to find out about myself. How can I get to know someone…when I don't even know myself…?" He said softly, quietly...staring sadly into the moss coffee table.
"So it's easier to simply block all of it out and form a barrier…" Meia understood. All too well. She saw him nod. She scooted closer still, until there was only about a foot separating them,
"Well…you're more than just the sum of your past. You're a human being, just like me…just like Angeal and genesis. You don't have to know who you were…to you know who you are now, you understand?" And she placed her small hand on his and squeezed. She felt him flinch but then he relaxed and he looked at her, a genuine, slightly sad smile on his face,
"You have a point…" He said gently. Meia withdrew her hand and he felt his heart lurch…,
"You're not alone, always remember that…" She stood up, "If you ever need me, I'll be downstairs in my shoebox or on the other end of my phone. I should go, it's getting late and I have to try and find a way of looking normal for work tomorrow" She placed her hand on his head gently, "Goodnight Sephiroth. Thank you for looking after me" And she gathered up the bag and her coffee cup and let herself out.
He sat there, unmoving, for a good while until something unusual happened; a tear rolled down his cheek and splashed on his forearm. Then another…and another. He bowed his head and sobbed softly, not knowing whether it was sadness, or elation. Sadness from touching a raw part of his past. Or elation that someone dared enough to care about him. He touched a slender finger to the damp trail running down his face and rubbed a tear between his fingertips. And oddly enough, he found himself smiling,
"No…Thank you….." He whispered.