This is an important chapter, I'm really hoping I stayed in character here. Enjoy.

Your reaction to my confession almost broke my heart. I didn't know what was worse, the fact that I had broken my first love's heart, or your total indifference for it. Worst part was: you clearly thought I was in love with Delly. That I wanted to marry her. I couldn't believe I was such a good actor, that in your heart you didn't have the slightest idea of my feelings for you. I would most likely burn myself to the core chasing after you. I was a fool, I had no chance with you. But I was a fool in love, and I wanted to burn. Craving your touch, treasuring every glance you sent my way. I was no longer content being your friend, but nothing felt worse than the idea of losing you altogether. I didn't know what to do or how to say it. I ended up blurting it out it the worst possible moment.

I'm brushing my hair, not braiding it for once, when I hear the knock on the door. Gale is here. Another week has gone by. Not quickly, like all the others, but painfully slowly. My feelings are still a mess and I'd been acting jumpy and weird towards everyone.

I'm startled when I hear the knock on the door. It's probably Gale, and he's right on time.

I go open the door. He smiles.

"I missed you, Catnip."

I hug him as strongly as I can.

"Me too."

We kiss.

"You see, I'm on time today," he teases me with a genuine grin and I know he finally forgave me about his last visit. We kiss again.

"Anything new at the Mellarks?" He asks, turning to Finn.

"Nope," I answer before Finn can place a word.

I don't want Gale to find out Peeta is single again. It would invite a lot of unwelcomed questions. I feel weird about it, I'm still not sure if it's about me, but I know I'm not as comfortable hanging out with Peeta anymore. This week, I blatantly avoided him, hiding out at Haymitch's every chance I got. Before, it was simpler. I knew he was taken, I was taken; there was no threat, no question. We were just friends. Now, every moment could potentially mean more to him than it does to me and I don't want to mislead him in any way.

"Then why did you kiss him you fool?" I pest at myself inwardly. I still have no logical answer for that.

Gale's visit is probably for the best, maybe his presence here will re-establish the boundaries between Peeta and I; maybe I'll finally be able to put Haymitch's words in the back of my mind. Able to forgive myself for my ill-advised experiment. Able to act like a normal human being around him.

I decide to bring Gale along for a walk, touring all my favorite places. The atmosphere is relaxed, he doesn't seem to be sullen about my enthusiasm for the city, and we actually have a great time. We laugh and joke around and once again, it feels good between us, effortless. I remember it used to be like that before I said I was moving to Boston for the summer. Going to see him was the best idea I had all summer, it had showed I wasn't running away from him.

We get to the apartment around dinner time.

Finns had told me back at the apartment that he was taking care of dinner, but when we come back to the apartment, he's not there anymore.

When Annie and he arrive with three big pizza boxes, I laugh, not surprised. Peeta is definitely the only cook in the family. We wait about fifteen minutes for Peeta to join us.

I try to look at his reaction to Gale's presence, looking for any clues, but he's perfectly at ease, and I relax even more. I've probably built this all up in my head. I hope so.

We all gather around the island to grab a slice of pizza and talk. Finn and Gale talk about sports and I help Peeta clean up. He smiles at me, and I feel like shit for ignoring him all week. It must have been a pretty hard time for him, having just broken up. I promise myself to make up for it next week, to be his friend again.

After dessert, we decide to play cards. I do act a bit more affectionate towards Gale than usual, touching and kissing him more often. Maybe it's about discouraging Peeta's hypothetical liking of me or maybe I'm just going nuts. I can tell Gale is pleased.

Peeta, Finn and Annie decide after a couple of games to go hang at the bar for the rest of the night, probably to give Gale and me some privacy. We remain behind. I bring him to the roof, it's such a nice summer night.

We cuddle on a blanket and look at the sky, even though the lights of the city block all the stars, just like we used to do at home. We talk a bit, but mostly we hold each other, comfortable in the silence.

I get up eventually and go lean against the baluster, looking at the skyline. Gales comes behind me and encircles me with his long arms, wrapping me up. I sigh and lean back into him. I like us like this. Not fighting.

He removes his arms and moves around behind me, when I turn back to see where he's going, my heart stops.

He's down on one knee, a ring in his hands, and a hopeful smile on his face.

"Katniss, will you marry me?"

My brain literally stops working.

Wait?

What?

Oh no, no, no, no—

NO!

Not now, not here, what the hell is he thinking?

My mouth is stuck in a perfect "O" position while I'm trying to find a way to reel the situation back in. Gale is proposing to me. Now, not later, not waiting for me to move back home.

Not giving me the space I asked for.

Not understanding I'm not ready. That despite all the progress, I'm still fucked up.

His smiling face starts to show a bit of worry, as I still haven't uttered a word.

I hide my face into my hands and moan. I can't deal with this, not properly. Maybe I should just say yes and take the time to prepare an explanation. No, that can't be fair.

The silence between us is growing heavier by the second, until he breaks it, his voice as cold as ice, cutting through me like a knife: "Are you fucking saying no?"

I moan again, he gets up. I conjure the courage to peek between my fingers at his face. Bad idea. His features are now contorted with frustration.

"I'm just— I'm not ready," I cry out, knowing I have to say something true, if not something smart.

His tone is scary calm when he answers: "Will you ever be ready, Katniss?"

I look at the ring, trying to buy time, then to the city behind me, then to Gale again. I don't know what to say, I just know that the word coming out of my mouth won't be a "yes".

"I‒ I don't know," I answer, truthfully.

"I knew it, I knew it was going to be like this. You kept saying this summer wouldn't change anything, but you're here, alone, and you like it. That changes everything. I'm trying to be closer to you, and all you manage to do is push me away. We've been together for five years, Katniss, five years and you still don't know if I'm the one."

"No, wait, I love you," I defend myself, how can he say that? Of course he's the one. He's my whole world.

The nagging voice inside my head adds: he used to be.

"I love you too, but I'm tired of waiting around for you to make up your mind. I want you Katniss, all of you, forever," he declares, looking right into my eyes, his voice softer. My heart is breaking in my chest.

"I can't say yes, not now."

I add the "not now" as forcefully as I can, but he doesn't seem convinced.

"Then you never will," he retorts, turning his back to me. When he starts walking towards the ladder, my heart starts beating wildly. He can't leave like this.

"Wait, Gale, wait!" But he still leaves, ignoring my pleas. Tears starts flowing down my face because this time I actually think I fucked up bad.

I finally come to my senses and go after Gale. I climb down the ladder and fly down the staircase as fast as I can. I erupt into the street and quickly glance around for a hint of him or his car, but there's nothing. I grab my cell with a shaky hand and call him. He doesn't answer. I feel tears running down my face and wipe them away with the back of my hand while a quiet sob escapes my lips. "I'm a bitch," I beat myself up mentally.

I gather my thoughts and realize I have effectively locked myself out. My keys are upstairs where I left them and I am the most stupid and selfish human being the planet.

I walk in a stupor towards Haymitch's place, wondering why the idea of taking that ring is so appalling to me. Even though he's not my favourite person right now, Haymitch is always so crudely honest; maybe he'll help me make sense of my feelings.

It dawns on me that at this hour, the place with be crawling with people and change my mind. I don't know where to go or who to call so I just walk back home. I sit in the hallway next to the door, resting my head on my knees.

Gale must have done the same thing when I had abandoned him all night without a way in. I deserve to be sitting here as long as he did, and almost hope that the guys won't be back for hours.

Time passes and I get no call from Gale.

I'm still staring into space when two legs appear at the corner. I glance up and meet Peeta's surprised and concerned stare. I don't have it in me to fake a smile.

He offer me his hand and I take it, knowing I can't sit here forever. I stand up, and our gaze meet again. His blue eyes are full of questions. I hate the intensity of his gaze, it's like I can't hide from it.

"What happened? Are you okay?" He asks, worried. I know I must look like shit, my eyes puffy and red from the tears, not in the cute way his were just a week ago, but on an epic scale.

I can't tell him about refusing the proposal. I know how it would look.

"Just hold me, please," I beg him and his strong arms come around me. I know it's exactly what I need to stop the tears. I know how inappropriate it is. I realize how amazingly fucked up I am.

I selfishly hide into his warm embrace, resting my face in against his chest. I know I should be more careful, but I don't care. I'm too sad to worry about Peeta's feelings right now.

He strokes my hair to comfort me. I'm grateful he doesn't ask any more questions.

When we finally separate, he unlocks the door and we walk inside.

"Want a cup of tea?" He offers and I nod.

I go into the bathroom to wash my flustered face before going to sit on the couch. He brings me my cup of tea and I thank him. He sits beside me, sipping in own cup.

He gives me time to gather my thoughts. After a while, he finally asks: "Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is a soothing whisper, I can tell he does not want to rush me in any way.

What can I tell him? That I screwed up? That something amazing happened and I wrecked it? That I don't understand my own feelings in the matter? I can't.

I shake my head "no".

"I'll give you some space, I'll be in my room."

He starts getting up but I grab his wrist, suddenly terrified that he'll leave me; that he'll think I don't appreciate what he's doing.

"Will you stay with me? Just for a while, I don't want to be alone," I admit sheepishly.

"Sure,"

"Thanks," I murmur, letting my head fall on his shoulder. What a mess.

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