I can always tell when I am nervous about going somewhere, as the "somewhere" draws near I realize I don't really have anything to wear. Strange I know, irrational, I know, but absolutely true.
On Thursday I found myself in my favorite clothing shop, kind of milling around, thinking that maybe something new would get rid of the tightness in my chest. Tomorrow night I had plans with Emil, and I could feel my breath shorten just a bit as I thought about meeting him for dinner.
The past little while I had kept to my resolve and kept my distance. But here I was, with dinner plans (and nothing to wear). A salesperson came by and offered to take my things to a dressing room. I followed her back, thinking that maybe one of the many things I had picked up might inspire me into a better frame of mind.
Dinner with Annie had been great. She is hilarious and extremely talkative. So I enjoyed a great meal, and a lot of laughter, and I didn't really have to put much effort into it. She did ask about my plans this weekend, and I mentioned I had a date with Emil. She smiled, that slight knowing smile only a close friend can have that kind of conveyed that she loved me but she didn't fully think that seeing Emil was a good idea but she wasn't going to say anything. So, she had simply patted my hand and asked me what I was going to wear. I laughed out loud, she knew me too well.
Returning my sister's phone call was not great. Since I sent her call to voice mail and waited a day to call her back, she had time to press my nephew for details about the man I was with in the shoe store. So, by the time I spoke with her she had me deeply involved with some new incredible guy. Jake thought Bobby was pretty cool. In Jake's book, Bobby knew a lot about basketball. And since basketball consumed Jake's every brain cell that made Bobby pretty cool. I on the other hand was beginning to deeply obsess about my date with Emil on Friday night. My sister was none to happy when she asked me over for dinner on Friday and I said I had plans. When I did not mention who my plans were with, she knew they were with Emil, so she reminded me how again and again Emil weakened my resolve and broke my heart. I couldn't disagree with her.
This morning I had actually run into Bobby Goren in the coffee shop about a block away from 1PP. I noticed him before he noticed me, which was not too hard since he was pretty much taller than anyone in the coffee shop. He did not look very rested, I thought maybe because it was so early and he had not had much caffeine yet, but he looked tired in his bones, like in his posture and in the way he carried himself. I had my tea in hand and walked over to him.
"Read any good books lately?" I asked softly, interrupting his thoughts. He looked at me for a long moment and smiled a bit. He had e-mailed yesterday some links to books on Amazon asking me if I read them. They were all over the map, from fiction to non-fiction, some of the more obscure ones made me smile – like The Ashley Book of Knots, which is actually a seminal book on tying knots.
"Are you OK?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.
"I was thinking about Eames, about, um, something, she, uh, said." He replied, stammering a bit, revealing he was feeling off.
"Have you talked with her?" I said, not sharply, but truthfully. He kind of shook his head "no" and then indicated he should get going. I smiled and told him I hoped his day went OK.
"Thanks." He said, and just before he walked out he offered, "you should buy that book, Ashley's book on knots, it is an invaluable reference." He really could be pretty funny. I knew he was looking for a friend in me, I could sense that he did not have many friends.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I was trying on the last thing I had picked up, a boat necked deep brown cashmere tunic style sweater, and a deep brown herringboned wool skirt. I knew as soon as I had the skirt in place that this was what I would wear. The cut of the sweater was kind of sexy, and I would pair a classic pair of to the knee heeled boots with the skirt. I knew that Emil would like the deep color against my fair skin, and I also knew that he found the boots sexy. I changed back into my clothes and gathered up the sweater and skirt to purchase.
I felt a little more at ease that I had found something to wear, something to feel good about. Then kind of randomly, I wondered if Bobby had talked with his partner about what was bothering him. I hoped he had, Bobby deserved a little peace in his mind. I wondered if that was why I was drawn to Bobby, I was kind of at a personal cross-roads and was looking for a little peace in my mind as well.
A/N: Thanks for the reviews :) I looked at the website Whoville mentioned (the APA website), and I do not think I am casting Lucy Jones as unethical (at least I did not intend to). She is no longer Bobby's shrink, and I do not plan for harm to come from her interactions with him. Again, if you would like to read more, please let me know. I love writing, but to stay "on-story" believe it or not, sometimes I need a little motivation.