The Story of a Dying Girl

Hello. How have you been?

This is not another lackluster chapter. This one actually includes something more at the end!

Once again, thank you all for the support. I mean it. This story would be no where without it.

Should we start? I think this chapter is actually not too terrible. Maybe. Or maybe it's absolute dog shit. Probably the second one.

Let's go!

Chapter 26:

It was June.

I felt like I should start off my telling you that.

And I had that funny June feeling. Where the school year is practically over, and it just feels strange knowing that pretty soon, you won't be seeing your teachers, or most of the people you came to know.

It just feels odd.

So we were taking our finals and shit of that caliber, things that had to be done and were a fucking nightmare.

Mum was sitting on the couch one rainy night when I got home from visiting Emily.

She was eating some gross looking concoction of food, well… I'm pretty sure if was food… it looked kind of edible.

"So, how's Emily?" She asked because there really wasn't anything more to ask.

"Emily's… Emily." I didn't really know how to say it. I didn't really know what it was. I didn't really know what to say.

"And… are you okay?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

I laughed and shook my head. There was no humor in it.

"No."

"Oh honey." She hugged me.

My mum had always been an affectionate person, more so than I would have liked, especially in those huffy preteen stages, but she seemed to be even more affectionate recently.

Like people at a funeral.

"I'm so sorry. It's shit. It is. And I wish I could tell you otherwise, but this is life. It's messy and it's hard. But it can be so goddamn beautiful. And at only 18, you're learning just how strange life can be."

And I felt better. Not enough, obviously, but I couldn't deny that my mum always made me feel better.

I still wasn't okay.

Until Emily was no longer sick, and she was healthy, and everything was fine, then I would be okay.

And if that didn't happen.

Well, then I would never be okay again.

Cook took a long sip of his beer while we sat on his couch on the Saturday that was much too fucking sunny for my liking.

This weather needed to make up it's fucking mind.

"Do you think Katiekins and I'll last?" He continued looking at his TV.

"You know, college and just everything? Do you think we can?" He clarified.

He sounded kind of scared, intimidated.

Life was intimidating sometimes- that was another thing I was learning.

Sometimes it was even stupid.

"You love her?" I asked, but it wasn't really a question.

"So much it scares me sometimes."

"I think you guys will be okay." I took a long sip of my beer.

"Now hit play. Snakes on a Plane waits for no one."

"'I'm tired of all these motherfuckin' snakes on this motherfuckin' plane!'" He shouted the infamous line as I rolled my eyes.

And then it began.

About halfway through the movie, I found myself dozing off. And soon enough, I was asleep.

I woke up a little bit later, in a pile of beer and sweat.

Gross.

I was just glad I hadn't been wearing my jacket and fucked it up.

Cook was passed out next to me, beer stain already formed on the carpet.

Paddy was reading some comic book, unfazed at the two idiots and our inability to handle beer.

Although I guess years of watching his mother and her inability to handle alcohol has prepared him.

Or maybe she just has an inability to handle life.

But I left his house a bit later, and the whether was cool, and it pricked my skin.

It wasn't unpleasant. It was just there.

Not the best, but not harsh.

I walked for a bit, and I found myself sitting at the same park bench where Emily had stolen my ice cream all that time ago.

I took a deep breath, and looked at all the empty space around me.

Beautiful.

It was, I couldn't deny the night that.

It was a beautiful night in a beautiful place and in many other occasions, I would have been smiling. I would have been happier.

I'd be happier if she was next to me.

I remember reading through that pamphlet Jenna had given me from months ago.

And I remember one of the first few lines.

"Don't let this consume you. It is sad, yes, but you cannot let it take control of your every being."

What a load of bullshit that is.

How am I supposed to not let it consume me?

I'll bet you a million dollars, (which I don't have) that the person who wrote that has never experienced it personally.

Maybe it's good advice, but it's impossible.

How am I supposed to act like person I love dying isn't consuming my whole being?

It is.

And I know that it's not a good thing, but I can't help it.

I'm human.

I can't act like it doesn't haunt me. Pain me.

Break me.

I took another deep breath.

What was I supposed to do?

I played cards with Emily again on Sunday.

And I know I shouldn't have, but I let her win.

It was just a stupid game, but I didn't know what to do. I just thought that it was the right thing to do.

"Good job!" I smiled, and we played another round.

And I lost that one again.

We played a board game.

And I lost that one too.

It was our second round when she stopped me.

"Stop. It isn't any fun when you do this Naoms."

"Do what?"

But I knew.

"When you let me win, it's just-" she coughed.

I waited patiently, handing her the water bottle, and patting her back softly.

"Don't act like I'm three. I don't want you to act like that. That's not you."

"Well what should I do?"

"Play like you always did. I'm dying Naoms, and I know it changes things, but it can't change everything."

I thought about that for a bit.

And I realized that she was right. But so was the pamphlet.

And I couldn't help myself.

Sure, things hadn't completely changed, but I couldn't just act like everything was fine, and like it was just like a few months ago.

I just couldn't.

Because a couple of months ago, in my naïve mind, there was no way Emily could die, and even still, I can't really completely fathom the idea.

Mortals die.

And a creature like Emily Fitch cannot be a mere mortal.

But she was.

And so death became a real thing to worry about.

I took out another board game.

I beat her this time.

And she smiled.

"Pencils down."

Mrs. Incart gives us a smile as we pass up tests, and she seems happy, and it's almost like she walked outside and breathed in the fresh air for the first time, and stopped to smell a rose, and like she is experiencing all these things for the first time.

Maybe it's happiness that's she's experiencing for the first time in a while, so long that she forgot she could still have it, and not just look back at old photos and wish for it to return.

It's here.

And she's basking in it, her wedding ring still gone, never coming back.

And some things are just better left that way.

I walked home from school a couple of hours later, and the whether was uninteresting, and so I will not describe it to you, and the sky was nothing noticeable either, so we can just skip any mention of it.

And some kids, maybe around the age of eight, were throwing a ball, and it hit my back by mistake, and they were apologizing profusely, and maybe before I would have told them to watch it, but instead I just smiled and shrugged it off because I remember what it was like to be that age, and because I didn't really see the point in being mad at them at this moment.

And it started to grow colder, but I didn't do anything, I didn't walk any faster.

I just didn't really mind.

I didn't really notice to be honest.

And my feet carried me the hospital, which was a bit strange since it must have been at least two miles from the school.

Rob Fitch would probably be proud at such a display of physical exercise.

Probably not.

But I found myself walking into the hospital, and things moved around me, and noises beeped and yelled and called and cried and everything, but I wasn't affected, and I walked into Emily's room.

And I smiled at the sight of my girlfriend.

"Sit," she said with a cute smile on her face, pausing to cough before shuffling to the side in her bed as I crawled in.

So I sat.

She cuddled up against me almost immediately, and sighed contently.

And I hoped she was, you know, content.

"Naomi," she said after a while, when my eyelids had started to close.

"Yeah?"

"I need to say something to you."

"Yeah?" I still wasn't completely awake.

She kissed me softly, bringing me into consciousness.

I deepened it, and I got lost in it. In her lips, in the way her hand rested on my neck, on how her hair felt so good in my hands.

And she pressed softly on my shoulders.

"Naomi," she said softly.

"Can it wait?" I asked, kissing her neck gently.

"No."

I pulled away and looked into those deep brown eyes I had lost myself in.

"I need you to hear some things."

"What's up?"

She looked serious.

"Listen, I don't know how much longer I have left, but we both know it's not as long as either of us would like, and I need you to hear them."

I looked at her, giving my full attention to her.

"We might not get all the years we hoped. We may only get a little bit longer," she started.

"Don't say that."

"It's true Naoms. I'm not saying we won't end up getting a lifetime together, but I'm just saying, that the chances have not recently been in our favor."

"Fuck the odds."

"But what I'm trying to say is this: we may not get all those years, but I'm so happy that we got the time we did. I am so fucking happy that I got to call you mine."

"Get," I corrected.

"Get to call you mine," she fixed. "I love you more than you'll ever know, and you are one of my favorite people, ever. I just, it's hard to explain any of these feelings, but I want you to know that as much as I would have loved a billion lifetimes with you, I am so grateful I got our time together, even if it was only a couple of months."

She reached out and touched the necklace that I wore, the one she got me, before touching her own, the one I had given her. Her hand moved to my heart, and rested there, feeling the way it beats for her, before taking my hand, and bringing it to her rapidly beating one.

"This is what you do to me, and I need you to remember all these things Naomi, because you are so special, and I don't think you see it yet, and I need you to know how lucky I am that I get you as my girlfriend."

We were both crying by this point.

"I love you," I said. And then I said it again. And again. And again. I said it until my mouth hurt from saying it so much. And after that I said it again.

Because I needed her to know that.

And even though I knew she did, I needed to say it again and again. I just needed to.

Katie and the rest of the Fitch family spent even more time than usual with Emily, and it was nice. And Cook came in, and some days he brought Paddy in, and I remember warning him beforehand.

"Mate, listen, I need you to know something before we go in," I said. Cook was already inside with Katie, and we stood outside the hospital, Paddy anxious to go in.

"Naomi!" He whined, and tried tugging on my hand, trying to bring me into the hospital.

"Mate, I need you to listen."

He looked at me with eyes like his brother's.

"Emily, my girlfriend, she's not well, you know. I know you know that, but it's not just like some stomach flu or some broken bone. She's really sick mate."

"She is?" He looked instantly older.

"Yeah," I whispered sadly. I looked down at the ground for a second before giving him my attention again.

"I need you to be prepared to see her. She is really, really amazing mate. She's funny, and she's smart, and she makes me feel like a better person, and-"

"Is she pretty?" He asked shyly.

"She's the most beautiful person in the whole wide world. And her smile… her smile is better than ice cream and comic books."

"Combined?!" He asked. His eyes widened.

"Combined," I confirmed.

"Woah! I have to meet her!" And he tugged on my hand and I held onto it, walking into her room.

Paddy stood in the doorway shyly.

"It's okay mate," I said, and pushed him forward softly.

He moved forward slowly, and then pulled himself onto Emily's bed, and sat cross-legged at the end.

"Hello," Emily said, smiling.

"Hi," Paddy said.

He gestured for me to come closer.

"You were right, she's really pretty," he whispered into my ear, a little too loudly.

Emily smiled even larger.

And for the rest of the day, we played board games, and watched TV, and ate food from the junk vending machine, which you would think would be a little better since this was a hospital after all.

And a couple of days later, I started to walk towards Emily's room, in the hospital once again. I held lilies in my hand, her favorite. I saw Cook and Katie there as well.

And they were being rushed out of the room by a nurse as a doctor scrambled about.

I started to walk faster and faster, until I was running, full on running towards her room.

Cook blocked me, holding onto my arms as Katie looked into the room, eyes wide, terrified.

"Let me through!" I screamed at him, throwing myself at him, trying to get through.

"Naomi! Naomi! Naomi wait!" He tried to hold me in a tight embrace as I tried to claw out of it.

"Emily!" I screamed, a raw sound erupting from deep within. "Emily!"

"She's going into a coma! We have to move quick!" I heard a doctor shouting, and they moved all around.

"Emily!" I screamed, lurching my body forward.

"Naomi! Naomi! She'll be okay!" Cook tried to shout, but I was too busy trying to shove my way out of his embrace.

The lilies were being crushed between us.

"We have to move quickly!" A nurse shouted.

"Emily!" I yelled, my throat burning, tears springing into my eyes.

"Emily!" I screamed.

Cook tried to hold onto me, but eventually I ripped myself out if it, just in time to move to the window.

The doctors and nurses were moving around frantically.

"She's gone into a coma!" A doctor shouted.

And as I watched this scene of true heartbreaking horror, I thought I heard some kind of cracking noise.

"Emily!" I yelled again, banging on the windows again and again, the door closed, cutting my off.

I hit them again.

"Emily!"

And as I watched this all happen, I could feel myself overloading, if that makes any sense.

But the lights got blurry, and things were dizzy, and soon enough, I felt myself falling backwards.

The last thought I had before I blacked out on the hospital floor was an epiphany. I knew what the cracking sound had been.

It had been the sound of my own heart breaking.

SHE'S STILL ALIVE I PROMISE. SHE IS STILL ALIVE.

READ THIS NOTE FIRST. I NEED YOU TO READ THIS NOTE: Okay, so this is an important note. EMILY IS STILL ALIVE. I DID NOT JUST KILL HER OFF. I PROMISE. SHE WILL BE IN THERE, WAITING IN THE NEXT CHAPTER. DO NOT WORRY.

Sorry, but I need to make sure you know.

Also, I'm not sure if I will be able to have a new chapter up on Sunday, so there might be one on Saturday, but maybe not. I'm not sure yet, I won't have access to a computer for a bit. There will definitely be one up on January 3rd. I will try to do what I can to post one sooner, but I'm not sure if I will be able to yet. Is there any way I can upload from my phone? I'm really bad with technology.

Anyways, happy holidays!

And possibly happy New Year!

Let me know what you thought!