A/N: Back to Lucy.
I could hear my sister Laura's voice, and I longed for my mother's touch and smell. My head was killing me, and I couldn't seem to quite open my eyes against the painfully bright light.
"Lucy. Lucy." My sister was calling my name, it was a strange sound, as if she were far away, calling me home from our front door when we were girls.
"Lucy." My sister again, this time I managed to open my eyes, blinking, trying to focus. I was in the hospital, in a small hospital bed. I was very, very tired, and very cold. So cold, I was shivering.
"Hey, Lucy." I could feel my sister holding my hand, moving my hair back and away from my face. I wanted my mom, but I knew that I could not have her, I remembered attending her funeral, I remembered my sister crying.
"Hey, are you with me?" Laura was asking me looking at me, I pulled back a little bit, she seemed awfully close to me.
"Yeah, you're coming around." Laura smiled, sitting back a little. "Do you know where you are?" She asked, in that tolerant older sister kind of way.
"Hospital." I said. My mouth was dry, my voice was thick.
"Do you remember what happened?" She asked, in that same overly patient, falsely serene tone. There was nothing serene about my sister Laura.
"Should you be in California? Or, Hawaii?" I asked, wondering how she could be here in the hospital with me. She smiled, looking at me.
"That's not right." I said, closing my eyes for a moment, and a memory hit my brain like a bright flash. "You came home, for Jake." I said, my head feeling like it might split open.
"Lucy. Lucy." Again, my sister was calling my name, calling me home. I opened my eyes this time, a bit easier against the bright light.
"Do you know where you are?" She asked, I was confused, she was standing on my other side, and now Bruce was standing with her. She had just been sitting on my left.
"Hospital." I said, my voice feeling a bit stronger. I realized that time must have elapsed, for her to move, for Bruce to be there.
"I hit my head." I said, reaching up to touch the top of my head.
"It hurts." I winced, closing my eyes. I could remember my sister Laura standing in front of me, irritation on her face, I felt like I was saying the wrong thing, I knew she was going to accuse me of putting words in her mouth, or stealing what she wanted to say before she could say it, then she was dropping her purse and running toward me.
"It must hurt," Bruce said, I could hear the smile in his voice, "you have about 11 stitches in that rock hard noggin of yours." I smiled.
I opened my eyes and my sister helped me drink some water, it felt good in my mouth, on my lips.
"11 stitches." I repeated what Bruce had said, trying to think about how I hit my head.
"You had a seizure." My sister sat down on the edge of the bed, holding onto the cup of water for me. I closed my eyes while she talked to me. I liked the sound of her voice. Sometimes she sounded so much like mom. She was talking about coming by my office, describing what had happened, encouraging me to try to remember. I was having a hard time listening to what she was saying, my eyes were closed and my mind felt eased a bit by the sound of her voice.
"Lucy, honey." My sister calling me again. I opened my eyes focusing on her.
"I know where I am." I said, before she could ask me again. "Did you say Bobby Goren was here?" I asked, showing that I had heard at least part of what she had been saying to me.
"Yeah, he would like to come in and see you, that is, if you are up for it." Laura said, I noticed Bruce had left the room, so I knew I had drifted off again, at least for a few minutes.
"What're you doing?" She asked me, alarm in her voice, as I moved to try to stand.
"I need to um." I gestured toward the restroom.
"Oh, OK." She said, and helped me stand and steadied me a bit. She followed me to the small restroom and stood outside, talking to me.
"He's a little, um, weird." Laura was saying as I was washing my hands, splashing some water on my face. I looked at my reflection, pale, my eyes looked huge, my hair tangled. I splashed some water on my hair, watching my curls spring up tightly.
"He's not at all what I expected." Laura was continuing to talk. "He's bigger." She said, and I smiled, I knew that was not at all what she meant.
I knew that Laura imagined Bobby Goren to be some kind of super-jock, super-hero type. She had completely romanticized him, a potential love interest for me, a hero to her son Jake. I had not done or said anything to dispel her of those notions. In truth, I did not anticipate that she would ever have the opportunity to meet him, or at least not any time soon. I rinsed my mouth, thinking that it is the unanticipated things grab a hold of you and take you in a new direction.
"Yeah, he's bigger." I said, as I walked out of the bathroom on slightly unsteady feet. She looked at me as if she wanted me to say more. I felt like I had been hit by a very large truck. My every muscle ached, my brain felt very slow. I had a seizure and a concussion. Could any more anvils be falling from the sky to get me to get my life straight. On top of that, I had violated by own best advice, I hadn't been sleeping well or eating right. I wondered if Bobby would recognize the irony in that.
"If you let him visit me, I'll bet he'll go home after that." I offered, as she helped me back into the bed. I knew exactly what to say to appease her.
"Not too long." Laura said, straightening the blankets around me, fiddling with the bed's upright position a little.
"Not too long." I said, feeling very tired again. I closed my eyes for a moment. Again, I was struck, I couldn't believe I had had a seizure. It had been so long, more years than a decade. Yet, everything I was experiencing felt vividly familiar. Thinking back, I even should have recognized it coming. The aura was clear, but I had been distracted by my sister, by saying the wrong thing with her. She loved me, I knew, but she did not really think like me. And in as much as she meant well, she did not always know what was best for me. I wondered if she had called Annie. I knew that she probably hadn't, that she was probably thinking she would call her later, or that I could call her when I felt up to it.
When I opened my eyes, Bobby was standing nearby.
"I'm, um, uh, sorry, you were, um, sleeping." He stood near the bed, his hands crossed in front of him.
"No, I just closed my eyes for a moment." I said, smiling at him.
"Laura says my office looks like a crime scene." This brought a smile from him.
"Did you use some of that fancy yellow tape while you were in my office?" I joked with him.
"No, no yellow tape." I watched him sit down in the chair near the bed.
"So, you know, you scared the life out of Helen." I stated, softly. Laura really had been concerned that he had unnecessarily intimidated Helen.
"Yeah, maybe." He said, furrowing his brow. "Eames said I was a little rough on your office manager." Bobby allowed.
"Eames is a wise woman." I replied.
"Yeah, she's usually right." He sounded thoughtful, reflective as he said the words, and then he looked back at me.
"So, the two of you, you're square?" I asked, hoping he had started to try to mend some things with his partner.
"More square, maybe." He replied.
"More square, maybe?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm trying, I'm trying to, um, square some things with her." He looked away from me for a moment.
"I don't think your sister likes me very much." He said, looking at her standing in the hallway talking with one of the nurse's.
"I didn't think you thought about what people thought very much." I didn't really address what he had said. I yawned, not being able to help myself, my body felt very heavy, my eyes very heavy.
"Not too much." He replied.
"But I think about what you think." He said, very softly. My tired brain thought that he might be fishing for a little reassurance from me. It was easy to give, what was between us was square. At least I felt it was.
"I think you are a good man, Bobby." My voice was soft as well, but mine was sleepy, I couldn't seem to keep focused. "even though you didn't use the yellow tape in my office." He laughed.
"Lucy. Lucy." He was calling my name. I opened my eyes, I could feel the warmth of his hands on mine. His eyes were heavy with concern. He reached out, pushing my hair away from my face, tucking some of it behind my ear.
"I'm glad you're here." I admitted. I didn't have the energy to guard my feelings.
"I'm glad I'm here." He replied, lifting my hand to his lips, kissing my fingers softly.
"How do you feel?" He asked.
"Tired." I said. "A little hazy." I admitted. "In love with you." I whispered. He looked at me, his expression shifting from concern to surprise.
"Your sister, she said you were having a hard time remembering the past few days, a hard time sequencing time. Typical of a seizure or a concussion." He offered, looking at me. I knew he was trying to see if I remembered, if I remembered showing up at his place last night.
"I remember." I said, I curled up onto my side, so I was facing him, closely. He leaned forward, toward me. "I remember." I reached out my other hand and touched his face.
"I love you," I said. He was nodding, he looked happy, relieved, and he softly took both my hands in his, again softly kissing my fingers.
"I love you Lucy." He said, his voice breaking. It was the first time he had said those words to me quite like that.
"These past few weeks, there've been some things." I started to say. He was nodding.
"Detective Goren?" He asked, surprising me a bit.
"He's a friend, I think he will be a good friend." I said, realizing of course Emil knew, Emil knew me better than anyone. What I had with Bobby was just beginning. I knew that right now Bobby needed a friend in me, that was why he was reaching out to me, and that was why when I would stand close to him in his arms, he did not reach out for me. Emil was reaching out for me.
"I believe Detective Goren could use a good friend." Emil revealed that he knew Bobby, or at least knew of Bobby's reputation within the department.
"And Connecticut?" I asked.
"Connecticut is done." Emil said, moving his fingers across mine.
"But…" I was about to point out that he was just there, a few nights ago.
"I love you Lucy." He said the words again, and again I thought he said them in a way that he had never said them before. We shared a lot between us, and I knew it would not be easy. But I also knew my heart, and I knew that right now, my heart was his.
EPILOGUE
"Dr. Jones?" Helen walked into my office behind me. I was looking at my desk, there was no blood to be seen. I was looking at the floor, all clean.
"Hi Helen." I replied, without looking over my shoulder.
"This was delivered for you." She handed me something wrapped in brown paper. She was standing beside me, looking at my desk.
"They did a good job. There really was blood everywhere." Helen said, still a bit traumatized by the other day.
"It's all clean. All clear." I said, looking at her. "It's all OK." I said, making sure she was looking at me. She nodded, and I watched her walk back out to reception before opening the brown paper.
I smiled as I held a roll of bright yellow police tape in my hands. I had come clean with Bobby, and he had let me know that he was aware of my relationship with Emil Skoda, that there really were no secrets in NYPD. There was a yellow sticky note on top, and I read Bobby Goren's left-handed writing - For your office, I forgot to use it the other day. You can repay me with coffee.Sunday at 4:00?RG.
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing me. I loved writing this. I think Bobby may find a great friend in Lucy, which may be more important for him than a great romance (at least for now ;). Have a happy holiday, see you in the New Year!