Disclaimer:Sadly, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I only borrow its characters for my own nefarious deeds every once in a while…and keep Riku tied up in my closet...but let's keep that quiet. –shifty eyes-

Warnings:Well I assume that you've read the summary and know that this is indeed a yaoi fic, so if you don't like it, then why are you still here? Anyways, there shall be language and (eventually)slightly graphic lemon-y goodness. I tend to not go into explicit details since it makes me blush to no end, but kiddies beware.

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Chapter 3: Dream for Me

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The first thing Sora noticed the next morning was that he was incredibly…warm. His eyelashes slowly fluttered open, vision landing upon Riku's peaceful face, still deep in sleep. The brunet couldn't help but give a little sigh of relief at the calming sight, grateful that Riku had seemingly passed the rest of the night without any more nightmares.

It had taken everything he had to not break down along with Riku last night. The older boy was like a security blanket to him- they had been together their entire lives, and Riku was always the calm one, the composed one, the one who pulled Sora together-never the other way around. Even after being alone in the darkness for so long, Riku remained strong as they reunited while Sora fell to the floor crying.

Riku never cried. He never broke down. He was never so raw, so emotionally exposed as he had been last night, writhing in his sleep, screaming in fear of things that Sora couldn't understand. It wasn't supposed to be like that. It felt so wrong to watch him that way, to see his cool façade undoing itself right before his eyes. It was the same way he felt as a child when he saw his mom cry for the first time. There's just some stupid, naïve part of your brain that believes that some people never need to cry-they're simply the protectors of the ones who do. And when you finally realize that they do, in that moment you feel so incredibly small and helpless that it hurts. There should be something you can do for them, something to help, but there's a part of you that's terrified to accept what's happening. A part of you that wants those people to always be ones who you can depend on, ones who will protect you. Riku never needed protection-he was the strong one, the one who kept everything so hidden that Sora had subconsciously begun to convince himself that there was really nothing there.

However, this belief had begun unraveling quite awhile ago, before they were even separated. Somehow things had been steadily shifting between them, and Sora never understood why. Suddenly they were competing everyday, keeping a score which made the brunet feel like he was losing more and more. But it wasn't the races or the mock-battles with wooden swords that mattered, it was Riku that he was losing. They were distancing themselves, barely talking anymore but always competing.

The only reason he had ever considered for this was Kairi, but from what Riku had said last night he had been wrong. But he didn't know what else could've started to come in between their friendship, something that would cause Riku to start seeing him in a different light, after so many years…

Sora yawned, shifting closer to the older boy and realizing for the first time that his source of warmth was coming from the strong arms draped loosely around him. He smiled sleepily, eyelids beginning to droop down again only to snap back open as the alarm rang a moment later. He waited as Riku began to stir, suddenly feeling a bit awkward in their close proximity.

"Sora," he sighed softly, startling the brunet.

"Y-yes?" the younger boy stammered immediately, perplexed when he realized that Riku wasn't actually awake yet. Then the silver-haired boy opened his eyes, aquamarine slowly recognizing Sora before widening slightly as he noticed their position as well.

"Er…sorry," Riku mumbled, quickly withdrawing his arms.

"No problem," Sora replied, giving a lopsided grin. "You slept okay?"

"Yeah," the older boy said slowly, blinking. "I guess I did."

The brunet sat up, gazing down at the other boy a bit sadly. "You've been having them a lot, haven't you?"

"Since we got back, yeah," Riku murmured, knowing that it was no good to keep lying to him. He drew himself into a sitting position as well, keeping his expression flat to at least keep the boy from worryingtoo much.

"Why didn't you tell me, Riku?" Sora asked, frowning. "Can't I…can't I do anything to help?"

"No!" Riku gasped, before realizing how Sora probably took that when the boy's eyes widened and hurt flashed across his face. "I mean…I don't want you to feel like you should, Sor. Please, don't worry about it."

"But Riku, you can't just go back to ignoring them, can you? They won't stop that way, and I don't want you to keep-!" the rest was muffled as a large hand planted itself over the brunet's mouth, causing blue eyes to widen in surprise.

"I'll be fine, Sora. If something happens and I need to talk about it, I'll tell you. Promise," Riku said, pulling his hand away.

"Okay…," Sora said uncertainly. "I guess we better get ready then," he sighed, glancing at the clock. "I can't be late picking up Kai."

"Yeah," Riku agreed, stiffening slightly at the mention of the redhead.

"Riku?" Sora asked softly, chewing his bottom lip. "Please…don't go anywhere again, okay?"

"I won't," the older boy whispered.

oOoOo

Once the two boys had gotten dressed and eaten a quick breakfast at Sora's house, they began making their way towards Kairi's, where they found the redhead waiting for them outside. She grinned and waved when she saw them approach and Sora enthusiastically returned the gesture. Under the brunet's curious gaze, Riku gave a half-hearted wave as well.

It wasn't that he had anything against Kairi.

It was just…

He loves her.

"Hi Sora, Riku!" she greeted cheerfully.

"Hey, Kai," Sora grinned, leaning forwards and shyly planting a quick kiss on her lips.

Two things happened simultaneously.

The first one was expected-Riku's heart seemed to burst, clutching and twisting painfully in his chest while he fought hard to keep an expressionless face.

The second…it wasn't supposed to happen. Not with her, not withanyone. In the brief moment while Sora pulled away, violet eyes widened, meeting Riku's in a gaze that seemed to see right through him. She knew.

Just as quickly as it had happened, her gaze flickered back to Sora and she laughed nervously, blushing. "N-not in front of Riku, silly!" she chided softly, voice wavering the slightest bit.

"Huh? Why not?" Sora asked curiously, glancing back at the older boy.

"It's just…embarrassing, that's all," Kairi murmured awkwardly, steadily avoiding Riku's gaze.

Sora laughed. "Come on, Kairi, it's Riku. The three of us arealways together-he's gonna get used to it anyways."

"Er, no…that's okay," Riku said in a strangled voice. "I'll give you guys some privacy if you want. See you later," he muttered, pushing past his two friends.

"Huh? Don't go, Riku," Sora said, grabbing the older boy's arm and cocking his head to the side in confusion. "We always walk to school together."

Riku shifted his gaze to Kairi, who was resolutely staring at the ground, chewing on her bottom lip. "Nah…you and Kai really haven't had that much time alone together…it's fine," he insisted, forcing a smile.

Because Sora was right. He would just have to get used to it.

oOoOo

Riku was the first to arrive outside of the school building in the afternoon. He had contemplated walking home without them but decided in the end that Sora would probably be concerned if he left without saying anything. So he leaned heavily against the wall, waiting for the happy couple to come and the horrible awkwardness to begin again.

He knew it hadn't been their first kiss, but it was the first time in front of him. It shouldn't even hurt anymore. Riku had known Sora's feelings for Kairi all along-it had practically been love at first sight when the redhead arrived on the island. Of course, the silver-haired boy hadn't understood his own feelings at that point, but something had still felt…off. He and Sora had been inseparable for years before Kairi came, but she had somehow wormed her way in between them. And he knew that she wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

Back then he had only thought he was jealous of Kairi for spending so much time with his best friend. Hell, at one point he had even convinced himself that he was jealous of Sora. But he knew now that the brunet had always been the one he loved, never Kairi.

And now she knew. He had tried telling himself that he had been over-analyzing it, but somehow he just had the gut feeling that she was aware of everything he was trying desperately to keep hidden. He didn't think she would ever tell Sora, but…suddenly he felt so exposed, like there was nowhere to run anymore.

The feeling of dread increased when he saw the redhead come through the doors and start to make her way towards their meeting spot, no Sora in sight.

"Hey, Riku," she said brightly, although Riku knew her well enough to know that this wasn't her usual cheerful self.

"Hey," he returned. "Where's Sora?"

"He has to retake our Bio test," the redhead explained. "He's been having some trouble making up for all the time he missed. He, um…said we should just go home without him."

Walking home alone with Kairi…after everything that had happened this morning? Brilliant.

"Guess we should go then," he said, shouldering his backpack and reluctantly matching Kairi's pace as they began to make their way home.

They walked in silence for a moment, an almost tangible heaviness in the air. Then the small girl spoke up timidly, saying, "Um…Sora told me about your dreams."

"Oh," Riku said simply. After all, if she already knew that he was in love with her boyfriend, did it really matter if she thought he was mentally unstable as well?

"Riku, you…don't you think it's time to forgive yourself?" Kairi blurted out suddenly, causing the older boy to freeze.

"What are you talking about?" he whispered.

"Sora and I-and…and everyone else, we know you didn't mean for any of it to happen. And we've already forgiven you, Riku! But, you're still blaming yourself, and it's making you have those dreams…please, Riku, just let it stop," she pleaded in a pained voice, violet eyes watering.

"I know that already," he almost growled. "But whether or not Imeant it doesn't mean that I can stop myself from hurting him again!" he yelled harshly, looking away from her suddenly. He took slow breaths, trying to calm himself down. She was worried about him, trying to help him…how could he push her away?

And then it happened.

"You love him, don't you?" she whispered. There was no question in her voice.

Riku swallowed, trying to rid himself of the lump in his throat. Why was this hurting so much? He nodded slowly, unable to say it himself.

I love Sora.

When the redhead didn't say anything else, he continued. "I…I won't tell him. I won't ever act on these feelings. So please, Kai…just let me stay with him."

He could hear her start to cry quietly, but couldn't understand why. "They'll just go away, won't they?" he choked out desperately. "Kai, I don't…I don't know what to do anymore! I've tried so hard to make it stop…why won't it stop?"

Suddenly the redhead threw her arms around him tightly, sobbing into his chest. "I'm sorry, Riku. I'm so sorry," she began saying over and over again, her body trembling. He rested his head on top of hers, feeling his eyes begin to sting too. "I don't want to hurt you, Riku, and you've already been through so much. I just…I can't stop. I can't hurt Sora either, and I love him, too. I'm so sorry," she said again, her voice muffled against Riku's body.

"How…how long have you known?" the boy murmured.

"I don't really know," she sniffled. "When I first got here, I thought you guys seemed clos… but I guess I didn't really think about it much back then. But once I started getting to know you better…I started noticing how much you change whenever you're with him. You smile more," she said shakily, pulling away to look up at him sadly. "He's the only thing that makes you happy, isn't he?"

Riku chuckled humorlessly. "I never knew I was that transparent."

"He doesn't know! And I won't ever tell him, I promise," she swore.

"Thank you," the silver-haired boy murmured gratefully.

"No, you don't owe me anything, Riku!" she said fiercely. "I'll do anything I can to help…if you ever need somebody to talk to…"

"Then I'll find you," Riku finished. "You don't need to do this, Kai…I know that it's hurting you too."

"Iwant to Riku. It's the least I can do," Kairi insisted.

"I can see why he loves you so much," the boy said quietly.

"He…he loves you too, Riku. You're his best friend," the redhead murmured.

"I know," Riku said, smiling sadly. "Maybe someday it'll be enough."

oOoOo

Author's Notes: Ugh. I know. An entire week later than I promised. And I don't even like this chapter enough to think that it was worth the wait. I'm not really happy with this story anymore…but I guess I need to figure out what I'm doing with it first. Bleh. :(

Well I thought that at least with the lack of an update that somebody would reply to my beta request at some point during the week…but sadly, no one did. So please continue to bear with my lazy self-editing. I do my best.

Thanks so much to the people who reviewed chapter 2! Countcainn, Damo and his Alter Ego, rain angst, Cold Drake Queen, MikoGoddess, and Katraa. It was so motivating to hear from you guys. Much love :)

I'll do my best to update next week but maybe you just shouldn't listen to me anymore XD Once the trimester is over and I finish my activity then I'll have more free time, but right now I even have to go to school on weekends. It's awful ;-; But only a couple more weeks left and then I'll be back on a weekly update schedule.

And there was much rejoicing.

-Emmypants